


The Angel with a Filthy Soul

by Mortrix



Category: Far Cry (Video Games), Far Cry 3
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Attempted Murder, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Attempted Sexual Assault, Blood and Gore, Breeding Kink, Cunnilingus, Dark Vaas, Discussion of Abortion, Dominance, Drugs, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Explicit Language, F/M, Force-Feeding, Friendship, Frottage, Fucked Up, Hemophobia, Hurt/Comfort, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'll add more tags as I think of them, Kidnapping, Masturbation, Masturbation in Shower, Murder, Nudity, Oral Sex, Phone Sex, Pregnancy Kink, References to Depression, References to Drugs, Slow Build, Soulmates, Suicide Attempt, Sweet Vaas, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, Violence, Yandere, male yandere, mild haphephobia, vasovagal syncope
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-30
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:15:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 44
Words: 179,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23920669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mortrix/pseuds/Mortrix
Summary: A therapeutic vacation in the islands becomes a woman's fight against nature and destiny. Love and hate are two sides of the same coin.
Relationships: Vaas Montenegro/Original Character(s), Vaas Montenegro/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 258
Kudos: 236





	1. Sleepwalking Past Hope

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t know why I wrote this. I think Vaas is seriously fucked up. Though, I suppose, sometimes you get to thinking that fucked up people could have the chance to have something lovely. Then you get to thinking what they would do with that lovely thing. And it follows that it might make an interesting story. 
> 
> That’s not totally how we got here, but it'll have to do for now.
> 
> Other than FC3 itself, my characterization of Vaas was greatly influenced by “The Far Cry Experience” web series. Inevitably that means a royal butt load of trigger warnings. Read the tags carefully.
> 
> There are some Spanish phrases and words. Although I'm more familiar with Spanish than any other non-English language, I am far from fluent. If you know Spanish and something is weird, I'd appreciate a heads up. 
> 
> I have attention issues, please excuse my typos and mistakes. I'll be correcting as I go. Comment if you like.

"No way.” I said to Fiona “Absolutely not.”

“Come on. We’ll have the time of our lives.” She twirled her brown hair around her finger with a frown. “What don’t you like about it?”

“I don’t like flying. I don’t like boats. I don’t like the ocean. I hate being hot and sweaty. I hate mosquitoes and spiders. I hate-”

“Your mother pressuring you to look for your âme sœur?” She said the last bit in french, with an exaggerated accent. I wasn’t fluent, but I knew what she meant. I didn’t respond, other than to scowl more than before.

“I know, it sucks. I get it.” Fiona grabbed my hand, trying to comfort me. I pulled away.

“Says the one who found her soulmate a month into college.” I am not amused, and I show it. “That brings up another reason not to go. I’m not going to be your pity-friend, tag-a-long while you spend the vacation fucking your husband. I’m not going to be your third wheel.”

“Will isn’t coming.” She says it sheepishly, completely ignoring my foul temper. I look at her with a raised brow.

“What do you mean he isn’t coming?” Soulmates were sickening to be around. They seemed to use any excuse to be together. Always touching, being affectionate. It was a saccharine nonsense that threw excruciating loneliness in my face. Honestly, I was surprised Will wasn’t with her right now. Somehow he was able to keep himself upstairs in his office. I disgusted myself imagining him tentatively pacing, waiting for me to leave. 

“He has to work.” The smile on her face wasn’t quite a smile.

“So? Schedule it when he can go.” I narrowed my eyes at her suspiciously.

“The vacation package deal is for a limited time only. He couldn’t get the time off.” She offered an excuse but the flinty way she said it made me more dubious.

“Fiona, what’s really going on here?” It was a question but my face was stern. “You and Will can afford to go wherever you want, deal or not.”

She sighed wearily and ran a hand through her long, wavy hair, tousling it a bit as she went. Her eyes were sort of sad, faraway.

“I wanted a b-break.” She looked ashamed. I thought I could hear a muffled groan coming from upstairs.

“What?” I ask dumbfounded. Soulmates didn’t want breaks. Did they? I didn’t know, I hadn’t had one. What I’d been led to believe - what I’d observed - was that you craved each other, like an addiction. Again, I didn’t buy it. Something was going on. Not just in this moment, at Fiona’s breakfast table. It was happening all the time, wherever I was. I couldn’t escape. No one was saying anything to me, but all the people in my life were treating me like a bratty kid. Everything I said wasn’t taken seriously. They would give each other worried glances after I would get upset when they thought I wasn’t looking. It was maddening; treating me like I was a lunatic or child. They didn’t understand my frustration or pain. Worse yet, they blamed me for it. Like it was my fault I hadn’t found my “âme sœur”. It wasn’t like I hadn’t been trying for the entirety of my 27 years being alive.

“Fuck you.” I said quietly to Fiona, getting up from the table and grabbing my bag. I tried to hold in the rage consuming my heart, not very successfully. “If you can’t tell me the truth, am I really your best friend?”

“Stop! I’m sorry.” She said, clinging to my wrist. “I’ll tell you the truth. Just sit down.”

I gritted my teeth and sat down again. Fiona withdrew her grip on my wrist.

“You aren’t okay.” She said.

“No shit.” I retorted.

“I’m serious.” She gave me a firm look, I rolled my eyes and laughed bitterly. “Don’t. Don’t talk. Just listen. After I’m done you can speak, but I can’t tell you anything if you are shouting at me.”

She sounded tired and frustrated. I nodded reluctantly. Had I really been shouting so much?

“You are not okay, and getting steadily worse.” She had a hand to her forehead emphasizing her weariness. “We’ve all noticed.”

I wanted to defend myself, attack them for their callousness and ignorance of my situation. I had to grit my teeth hard to keep my mouth closed.

“You have a hair trigger. At the drop of a hat you attack everyone. You can’t appreciate anything, you only criticize and complain. Things you used to love doing, you don’t do anymore. I can’t remember the last time I heard you really laugh or genuinely smile.”

I couldn’t argue with her. It was true. I found myself aimless, restless and thwarted at every turn. No one bothered to help or understand. They all just told me to find my soulmate. That it’d all be fixed if I found my soulmate. “Soulmate” the fucking miracle cure! I couldn’t fucking take it anymore.

“I love you. Everyone still loves you.”

I couldn’t help but scoff and fold my arms in disbelief. No one loved me. That was the fucking problem.

“We looked into it and talked to some people.”

“Who?” I demanded, breaking my promise. Fiona eyed me with a frown, warning me to remain silent.

“We called some doctors and they said that you might be having symptoms that can occur when you go a long time without finding your soulmate. It’s a real condition. I don’t remember what it’s called.”

I shook my head and scoffed again. Fucking doctors. My mother had me going to a therapist every week already. Nothing changed, no matter how many meds I took. I was still this way. I hated it, feeling like I was losing myself to rage and cynicism. Unable to respect the happiness of others because my happiness didn’t exist. Biting back whenever I was reminded of what I couldn’t have, but wanted so badly. My condition was called “loneliness.” Any other title was bullshit.

“The doctors recommended taking you on a vacation, a sort of soulmate hunting trip, somewhere far away from home.”

I closed my eyes and furrowed my brow. I was being dealt with. Taken care of. Placated.

“This trip is just going to be me and you, in the islands for two weeks. You don’t have to worry about being a third wheel. You don’t even have to worry about money. You just have to pack and go.”

I couldn’t keep quiet anymore. The anger in me was boiling up, making me shake.

“NO!” I shouted. “I’m not going on some pathetic husband hunt! This is so typical. None of you get it! My mom put you up to this didn’t she??”

I was lachrymose and it made me more upset that my body was betraying me as well as everyone else I knew.

“Stop it! Your mom doesn’t want you to go!” Fiona yelled. I gasped at her sudden outburst. She never yelled. I’d never heard it, not once.

“You are going on this trip! I’m not going to watch you waste away like this, becoming more and more jaded and hateful! I won’t do it!”

“I’m not going on a soulmate search.” I whispered, shocked but not enough to ignore my feelings.

“So don’t.”

“I’m not going.” I said again, a little louder.

“It’s better than staying here where your mom will nag you everyday, and force you to date.”

I sighed long and heavy. The unaddressed emotional hurt that consumed me every waking moment ached in my chest. I was surfeited with my life. I was tired of feeling worthless and incomplete. Sick of having to realize that in this fucked up world I couldn’t feel whole on my own. I was also tired of my mother’s desperate antics. She was probably going to start forcing me to touch random strangers in a mall soon.

“Fine.” I agreed. “But only to disappoint my mom and only if we skip the ‘find your soulmate’ shit.”

“Deal.” She smiled and I couldn’t help but grin back, tear-streaked cheeks and all.

* * *

The flight was dismal. I sat next to Fiona, but next to her was a grump of an old man who would frown and hush us every time we would talk to each other. I wanted to pound his face in after a while. Fiona suggested that we watched movies and napped the rest of the trip. I don’t think I slept more than ten minutes. 

I got through by listening to a playlist I had the forethought to download to my phone before the trip. The music would have made my mother chide me. She hated the various metal genres that spoke to my pain and took off my edge. It was a sly satisfaction in the midst of my misery. 

The last few hours of the flight were the roughest. We hit some particularly bad turbulence and I spent the rest of the time on the plane in a death grip with my armrests and trying to pretend that my life wasn’t completely out of my hands. I hated flying.

The rest of the trip felt downhill from there.

The hotel seemed luxurious, until I found the biggest spider I’d ever seen in the shower, while there was still shampoo in my hair. Someone came and took care of it. When I laid in bed I was searching the shadows for large monstrosities that might attack in the vulnerability of sleep.

During the day, I drifted between bouts of fatigue. Fiona took us on tours, bike rides, sightseeing. If I didn’t drink metric tonnes of caffeine I was barely awake to appreciate it. At night, I was wired. My drowsiness evaporated.

Fiona insisted on partaking in the night life. We walked into a club and in the darkness and flashing lights I noticed that everyone was touching someone else. At first I thought we’d wandered into a soulmates only club or something.

Supposedly, if you touched your soulmate you both knew it. So touching was usually an accident or done with express permission. The objective part of me thought it was stupid. Though I didn’t like my mother’s treatment of me a lot of the time, I could do simple math. Touching as many people as possible was the quickest way to find your mate. That was the evident philosophy of this club.

A man passed me and ran his hand down the bare part of my arm and I cringed. It was so forward, vulnerable feeling… It was just wrong or sure as hell felt wrong. Perhaps it was the way they were touching me? It wasn’t a quick tap or bump. It was more intimate, like they wanted their first touch with their soulmate to be special. I could appreciate the sentiment, but I didn’t want to participate.

Fiona thought my reluctance was sort of funny. She didn’t bat an eye when someone would touch her.

“It’s different when you have a soulmate.” She was blasé. “Touches from strangers don’t mean as much.”

Someone shoot me. I felt like a whore every night when I finally put my face to a pillow. I could still feel the fingers on my shoulders, arms, hands, face… Ugh. It was all for nothing. Every touch was worthless and it took a little piece of my dignity with me. I’d try to abandon the world in sleep, but I wouldn’t be able to sleep until Fiona had finished her daily call to Will. Then, when the lights were out I’d remember the spider, and my eyes would refuse to close. I would eventually pass out from exhaustion, but it was usually after three in the morning.

The trip wasn’t panning out for me, for all that I tried to force myself to be enthusiastic. None of the activities available were really my cup of tea. I found myself wanting nothing more than to hide away in the hotel room, alone. Wallow in my despondency. Fiona didn’t let me. There was always more and more to do, to see.

On our second to last day, she scheduled a private boat to some small islands nearby. She was telling me how we’d get to snorkel and swim, explore the gorgeous islands without huge crowds. I didn’t have the heart to remind her that I hated boats AND the ocean. Instead I put on a brave and smiling face. The cost of the trip made me feel obligated at the very least.

The boat trip was terrible. I forgot my motion sickness patch and threw up over the side half way to the island. After I emptied my stomach, I did start to feel better. Though the captain of our tour would look at me like I had a dick drawn on my face for the rest of the ride. I wanted to punch him in the face.

When we reached the island, I had to admit it was beautiful. Pristine. The water was clear and blue, the beaches had white sands.

“Here you go.” Fiona handed me a snorkel, goggles and some flippers. I exhaled and began pulling my shirt off. Though I stopped when I noticed the captain looking me over, with a dark smile. I really hated him. 

I had a swimsuit underneath, obviously. Fiona had tried to get me to pick a scandalous two-piece. I settled for a modest, black tankini. According to her, it made my pale skin look completely white, like a corpse. Part of me hoped it did. If I looked dead, maybe no one would want to touch me. Even if I cared how undead I looked, I wasn’t going to wear any of the swimsuits she forced me to try on. They barely covered the important bits. It made shopping with her annoying and the dressing room experience embarrassing. But at least she wasn’t a hypocrite. Her own swimsuit was revealing, and metallic. A pale gold, crocodile pattern bikini. A blind man couldn’t miss her.

After we put on our equipment, Fiona jumped off the boat and started swimming toward the island. I set my goggles on my forehead and dove after her.

Most people had assumed my hatred of the ocean was due to not being able to swim. I could swim. I love to swim. I had been on the swim team. I loved water, and swimming pools. I just didn’t like sand and weird, gross or potentially dangerous animals in the water with me while I swam. I had an appalling encounter with an urchin as a child. There was still a series of small dark scars dotted on the bottom of my left foot.

Though she started before me, I easily beat Fiona to shore. 

“Alright, show off.” She laughed while she panted, leaning on her knees as she stepped out the water. I smiled. 

“There it is! That’s what I wanted to see! The whole trip was worth it.” She pointed at me. I was confused. “You smiled.” I couldn’t help but smile more. Maybe this wasn’t so bad. The water was warm and crystal clear. Not an urchin in sight.

After she caught her breath she went back into the water to snorkel in the shallows around the little cove we were in. I was more happy lying on the damp sand trying to improve my glorious tan regardless of the semi-overcast sky. Relaxing came surprisingly easy listening to the wind and waves. It was like a lullaby. With my usual daily enervation it wasn’t long before I closed my eyes and drifted off. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing too horrible has happened. Yet. But Vaas isn't here either. Yet. ;)
> 
> I named the chapters after songs that I thought were appropriate. This chapter's song is "Sleepwalking Past Hope" by HIM. I'd love to know what songs you think fit my fic.


	2. Let Me Live/Let Me Die

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gunfire rings through the jungle. Survival becomes imperative.

A cacophony echoed over the trees behind me and I woke up with a start. I wasn’t sure if the sound was real or a dream. Gunshots? Dread filled me at the idea. I stood, eyes scanning the water for Fiona. More gunshots were fired in quick succession, like an assault rifle. It confirmed my fear. I picked up my gear and rushed around the beach, looking for any sign of Fiona and finding none. I called her name over the water, unsure if that was wise but not caring if it meant I could find her quicker.

“What?” Fiona’s voice called to me. I turned to see her stepping up onto a rock sticking out of the water.

“We have to get back to the boat.” I hissed urgently.

“What?” She asked again, rubbing the water out of her eyes.

Again gunfire echoed from the jungle. Was it closer? She jolted when she heard it almost losing her balance. 

“What the hell is that?”

I ran into the water, heading toward her.

“We have to get back to the boat!” I shouted louder than I wanted.

She nodded putting her flippers back on and furiously snapping her goggles into place. We both dove into the water. It became quickly apparent that the boat wasn’t where it was supposed to be. Once we were a good distance from shore we stopped, looking around for any sign of the boat. I looked out at the open water, thinking that maybe the captain moved further out to sea when he heard the gunshots. Looking around frantically I was starting to think that he abandoned us entirely.

“Look!” Fiona shouted, getting a mouthful of water for her trouble.

I turned in the direction she was pointing. On the other side of a cliff face that separated the cove we’d been on from a longer stretch of beach, was the boat. There was someone on it. It was hard to see much beyond the general man-shape-ness. If the captain hadn’t left when there was clearly danger, what did that mean? I felt anxiety prickle in my gut.

“Hey!” Fiona shouted, waving wildly, trying to breach the water like a dolphin. “HEY!”

I pulled her down into the water, but it was too late, the man on the boat saw us. He waved his arm in the air, it looked too long and dark. I realized it was a gun. He wasn’t waving at us, he was directing someone toward us. I watched as several dark figures rushed to jet skis.

“Swim!” I commanded. Fiona looked as terrified as I felt.

“We have to swim, find a place to hide.” I said again.

She nodded and we both swam for our lives, I kept out running her and had to slow down to let her catch up. The sound of the jet skis were quickly approaching and I anxiously urged her on, we were almost to an outcropping of rock.

“Go!” She screamed, looking back at our pursuers. “Go on without me!”

I shook my head, and she pushed me away. “Go! I’ll distract them.”

It was too late. They were only a few yards off now and they’d already seen us both. I kicked against the water, trying to get away. The two men, who looked like cartel members from a movie, approached Fiona who didn’t try to escape. One of them pulled her out of the water like she weighed nothing.

The other went after me. As he was about to reach me. I dove deep under the water. I swam, arching back toward Fiona, hoping that I might be able to take her captor by surprise. I surfaced as quietly as I could manage behind the jet ski of the man who was trying to subdue my best friend. She screamed and scratched at him, but he was too strong. 

“Like a fucking hellcat.” He hissed before striking her in with the butt of his pistol. She fell limply into his arms.

“Hey! You see the other one?” He shouted to his accomplice. The man drove his jet ski in circles looking into the water for me. He shrugged, a baffled expression on his weathered, dark face.

“She can’t hold her breath that long. Nobody can.” The man said nonchalantly, throwing Fiona over his shoulder. He holstered his pistol into his pants behind his back. I could reach up and grab it. It wouldn’t be hard normally; even so, anything was hard when your hands were shaking from adrenaline and fear. As my trembling hand came closer to the firearm, more gunshots reverberated through the air. 

“Could see her from miles away with this on.” He joked, slapping his hand on Fiona’s ass. The other thug, not caring about the stupid joke, stood on his jet ski eyes searching for any sign of me. I had two fingers pinching the grip.

There was the sound of a horn on the wind and the thug shifted, almost undoing my progress with the gun.

“Motherfucking Vaas.” The man said settling himself on the jet ski more comfortably. “Hey! She’s sharkbait by now.” He whistled and waved over to the other thug who looked up. There was a helpless look on his face, like he’d just been had by a con man or seen an amazing magic trick. I had wiggled the gun looser, it might fall out on its own if I let it fall.

“Let’s go!” He said, cranking the jet ski to life, abruptly taking off. 

It was like being shot with water from a fire hose. I sputtered and coughed, trying to expel the snot and salt from the internal cavities of my skull. When I could see clearly again, I realized, by some miracle, the gun was in my hand.

I once went on a date to a shooting range. It was ultimately used as a means of stealing a touch of my skin and therefore, went nowhere in the end. Though I had remembered a lot from the experience. I knew how to hold the gun, how to load it, how to aim and fire. I also knew that it was probably a bad idea to get the thing wet. Though looking at it, the previous owner didn’t seem to worry about upkeep too much anyway. It had sand in the crevasses and the rubber of the grip was worn thin. “MIGAT” was crudely scratched into the slide.

I watched them head back to shore. I carefully swam toward them, staying as low as I could manage. As I slowly advanced, I could see the boat more clearly. There was a man with a gun - the one that saw Fiona - talking to the captain. I was afraid for him. I didn’t like him, but no one deserved to be shot by kidnapping pirates. To my shock, however, they let the boat captain leave on his boat. Suddenly I understood. This was a racket. I wanted to say every curse word I knew, as loud as I could. Luckily I had the good sense to wait until I was underwater first.

The kidnappers - there were eight that I could see - headed into the jungle. The gold shimmer of Fiona’s bikini disappeared into the foliage with them.

I climbed out of the water, between some rocks. The beach was deserted. I thought about taking the jet skis or sabotaging them, but I suspected that finding them would be a lot harder if I didn’t follow them to their base of operations now. Besides, it might be a way to escape once I figured out how to free my best friend. I ditched my flippers and ran as low as I could manage, into the jungle. I couldn’t see them, but I could hear laughing ahead.

As I tried to follow quietly but quickly, gripping the gun like I was playing secret agent. I soon discovered that walking barefoot through a jungle was probably always a mistake. Every step it seemed like something was stabbing into the uncalloused, tender flesh of my soles. I winced with every move I made.

After a half hour of happy pain and anguish, I began to wonder if I would ever catch up. I could hear the occasional indistinct shout or whistle, but they seemed to be further and further away each time. Maybe I was lost, hallucinating the familiar sounds of humanity to comfort my distressed mind. 

Just as I was about to give up hope, frustrated that I wasn’t Ethan Hunt or Jack Ryan, I tumbled down a small slope that came out of nowhere. I cried out with surprise, the gun slipping from my fingers as I crashed through some brush. My body ached, jarred roughly. I groaned taking a moment to recover, but by the time I did, one of the pirates I had hoped to avoid, was standing over me with a sadistic smile on his face.

“I know you don’t drown.” He said with a thick, indeterminable accent. I registered that he was the jet ski thug I’d duped. I crawled backwards away from him. He pursued.

“You hold your breath a long time, eh? Good for when you suck my dick.” He laughed with a disturbing glitter in his eyes.

He didn’t beat around the bush, did he? I looked him over, disgusted and perturbed, but noticed he had a combat knife attached to his belt.

“Please, leave me alone!” I begged meekly, making a show of getting on my feet again.

He lunged at me. I squealed in surprise. At once he started trying to get a grip around my wrists, I didn’t fight. A bit confounded at my submission, he stopped trying to restrain me. I got the impression that he wasn’t used to his sexual partners being willing.

“That is right. You know. Don't you? Fighting is stupid. You smart lady.” He said, tapping the side of his head with his finger and winking at me. He pulled away just enough to fiddle with his belt. Once he freed his dick, he licked his lips eagerly. I looked away, revolted. He pressed down on me and my stomach lurked, but I wrapped my arms around him.

“You like, huh? A fetish?” He asked with a chortle.

“No. I just noticed you aren’t very observant.” My voice was cruel, hard and most of all, thrilled. I didn’t like violence normally, but the feeling of his combat knife slipping effortlessly into his flesh was satisfying. He screamed and I pushed him off of me. He stumbled backwards, pushing the blade further into his back when he landed. His bulky arms weren’t flexible enough to reach around and pull the knife free. He cried, dirty tears dripping down his face. He screamed for help.

I worried that he’d alert the others to my position so I pulled the knife out of his back, confident that I could silence him. Blood covered my fingers and the trees spun around me. I fainted and fell over, regaining my consciousness just in time to feel my body hit the jungle floor. It hurt so bad. The man screamed again. I forced myself to stand upright, trying to breathe through the pain. 

_What the fuck?_ I demanded an answer from myself. Did I just faint at the sight of blood? I’d seen blood before. I was a fertile woman, of course I had. I hadn’t seen much of it outside of menstruation, however. A little cut, now and again. Not a lethal amount, not coming from a wound. Was it possible that fainting over blood was so particular? I didn’t know.

He screamed again, dragging himself away from me. I had to shut him up. This _had_ to be done, I told myself. It’s self defense, self-preservation. I found the knife in the dirt. I leaned over the man preparing to murder him for my own sake. I saw his blood soaked shirt, I saw some blood pooling on the green leaves beneath him.

* * *

I opened my eyes, feeling dizzy and injured. I grunted as I pushed myself to my feet. It was clear I had fainted again. That was getting annoying. Was it really from the blood. I reviewed the last thing I remembered before blacking out. I remembered seeing the wound in the thug’s back. I felt dizzy and brought my hands to my face to steady myself. Only I noticed my hands were still bloody from pulling out the knife. The blood drained from my face.

* * *

I gasped awake, bitterly accepting that I would faint, stupidly, at the sight of blood. I also accepted that it hurt like hell to collapse to the ground over and over. Accepting wasn’t necessarily being okay with it. Truly it was probably the last condition you wanted to discover you had when you were running from murderous pirates in a jungle. It was what it was. 

I hadn’t been out cold for long, the thug hadn’t moved too much further. He sobbed and screamed again, weaker this time. I felt my heart pound with fear and guilt. 

Objectively, I felt it was best to silence him in a way where he wouldn’t harm another living soul, especially not myself or Fiona. But the more I tried to get used to the idea, the more I realized I couldn’t do it. Not just because of my apparent odium to large quantities of blood, but because I felt guilty. Overwhelmingly guilty that I’d stabbed a man and liked it, even for the briefest moment. I held the knife in both hands and watched as he writhed, crawling away from me, the blood on his- I was immediately dizzy and rapidly looked at something else. That’s when I saw his boots. 

They were a military style boot, leather and black. I needed some sort of foot covering. They would be too big, irrefutably. Nonetheless, the implications of having bloody soles covered in blisters was too dire to ignore. I unlaced his boots one at a time and pulled them off of him, careful not to look at the blood. He didn’t seem to notice. He merely sobbed and cried out for help. His voice was getting weaker. Once they were in hand, I ran. I knew I had already pushed my luck as far as time was concerned. So, I ran as far and as fast as I could get, until I couldn’t hear him begging for help anymore.

I was out of breath. Ignoring my sweaty, dirty miserableness, I swiftly pulled the boots on. I swallowed down the guilt of taking a wounded man’s shoes and I tried very hard not to think about the fungal infections his feet might have had. To my surprise the shoes weren’t too much bigger than my feet, at least it wasn’t like I was wearing flippers or clown shoes like I’d assumed it would be. I laced them up tightly and stood. I wondered if this was how Cammy White felt; heavy combat boots and not a stitch covering your legs. I kicked my legs experimentally. The lack of pants made it easy to move. It was almost freeing. I felt a little like a badass.

The freedom of motion and confidence that the boots afforded, was quickly diminished when I realized that I was properly lost now. I had no idea where I was, or where the camp would be that held Fiona. All the trees looked the same.

It occurred to me that I could probably find my way back to the man I’d stabbed. From there I might be able to figure out my location or pick up a trail, something. I made a beeline, heading back in the direction I’d come. I slowed down as I knew I was getting close. I ducked deftly into the abundant vegetation, just as a man came into view.

His hair and facial hair were the same, ridiculous. A mohawk and a goatee that ended at the corners of his mouth made him look crazy. He wore a faded red tank top and camo pants. I noticed that his boots were like mine, it didn’t induce any camaraderie. In the silence of my hiding spot I watched him. He looked around with fierce eyes. He sniffed at the air, turning in my direction like he could smell me. He seemed more of an animal than a man.

He turned again, tapping his gun’s barrel against his forehead while he paced around searching. I noticed the long scar on the left side of his head and couldn’t help but wonder how it happened.

“When I find you, you’ll wish you were dead!” He shouted with a hispanic accent to no one.

He kicked something with an aggravated cry, I could hear faint groan. 

“Motherfucker! Es solo una niña! You pathetic piece of shit!” He screamed again, kicking more furiously.

“THIS IS MY FUCKING ISLAND!! MINE!!” Just as I was starting to realize he was bat shit crazy, he confirmed it by emptying his clip into whatever he’d been kicking on the ground.

I covered my ears and flinched with each blast. When he stopped I angled my head to look at his target. It was the man I had stabbed. He was perfectly still and I couldn’t help but gasp. The mohawked lunatic suddenly stilled, listening. I held my breath, hand over my mouth, hoping that my pounding heart wouldn’t give me away. He looked in my general direction and I tried to be perfectly silent and motionless, like a stone. He stepped closer and I realized I hadn’t been breathing. I tried to breathe through my nose, soundlessly. I felt like I was steadily suffocating.

“Hey, zorra. Where are you?” The insane man’s voice was melodic, but menacing. 

“I heard that sexy little breath of yours.” He inhaled deeply, his voice was strangely calm. “Don’t worry. I’m not going to hurt you if you show yourself right now.”

I didn’t believe him, I’d have to be an idiot. At the same time, it was only a matter of time before he found me at this rate. Should I just make a run for it? Should I hope he had bad eyesight? His eyes were darting around, hunting for me. He was a real predator, I doubted that he wouldn’t see me for long.

Out of the blue, he lurched forward in my direction. 

“Boo.” 

I jerked backward, out of cover, to keep away, I only realized my mistake when I saw his iniquitous grin. I felt like an idiot. His predatory eyes looked me over as I clawed backward away from him.

“Hermosa mujer,” He purred shaking his head. “Pero no muy lista.”

I got to my feet. When I turned to run, I slammed into two of his goons. They subdued me quickly, pinning my arm behind my back painfully and taking the knife away.

“Hey! Look at me.” I peered up at the madman standing across from me, smiling.

“You killed one of my men.” He said it like he couldn’t believe it. I didn’t react.

“Did you hear me?” His voice started to shift into that hateful cadence that signaled the insanity was coming. I was too scared or maybe too disappointed with myself to speak so I just turned away. 

“I said, did you fucking hear me?! LOOK AT ME WHEN I’M TALKING TO YOU!”

I didn’t meet his gaze. I felt detached, indifferent.

“Okayokayokayokay. I guess, you gotta learn who’s the boss huh? ‘Cause right now I don’t look like the boss do I? To you, I must look like a motherfucker who’s losing his mind.” His hands were gesturing dramatically.

"I could see how you'd make that mistake." He leaned in close, I could feel his breath on my face. I cringed. “Maybe I can change your mind. Come on then.”

He motioned with his gun that I should follow him and his men dragged me forward. I was filled to the brim with dread, terrified for what this would mean for Fiona, for me.

* * *

I was dragged through a maze of gates, fences, and shacks. It didn’t make sense to me, that someone would build a base of operations with a hodge-podge layout. After a moment or two, I realized that this place used to be a village. The people were probably murdered… I had to be more cautious. I needed to play it smarter.

I tried to count how many goons I saw, I lost count at 43 when I saw a veritable mountain of luggage. I began to consider the feasibility that the tragic owners of the luggage made it home. If that many people were getting kidnapped, someone would have done something about it, right? There would have at least been a warning about going to this awful place. The only explanations I could think of where that the people weren't ransomed, they didn't make it home. Or some sort of global corruption was at foot. Neither option provided comfort.  
  
I tried to remember the way back to the gate. It was useless, I was completely turned around. I looked for anything that I could use as a weapon. There was nothing that wouldn’t draw attention to me before I could make it useful. I didn't seem to have anything at my disposal that would improve my chances at escape or even continuing to live.

We entered a small area with tents, and in the center was a bamboo cage. I saw Fiona hands tied above her head and her mouth gagged. I tried to struggle against the thugs holding me. One of them bent my arm where it didn’t want to go. I sucked a breath in sharply.

“Don’t worry. Your friend is alive.” The psycho stood behind Fiona and reached through the bamboo. He slapped her face gingerly until she stirred. “You see? Alive.”

Fiona shook her head groggily. Her brown eyes looked up, squinting. She focused on me. Her features snapped to life, she pulled on her bonds and mumbled frantically into her gag.

“I’m okay.” My voice was confident, but she didn’t stop trying to talk.

“You both are going to make me a lot of money. And live. If you can avoid doing stupid shit.” It was a thinly veiled threat.

“Vaas! There’s more rejects-” Someone behind us addressed him. His name burned into my memory.

“In a FUCKING MINUTE!” he vociferated. Once the footsteps died away, he took a split second to compose himself.

“I told you. I’m the boss. El Jefe. They all come to me with every fucking problem, useless fuckers.” He snickered, shaking his head.

As he talked I felt myself growing impatient. If I was just going to be murdered, get on with it. I didn’t care more. I didn’t care about him or about the murdering minions in his employ. I didn’t care about this island. I didn’t care about anything, except getting Fiona home. So I rolled my eyes at him. It was a hell of a time for my angsty, suicidal apathy to come back full force. 

At first, all Vaas did was scoff in a disbelieving way. Then he crouched down and leaned near Fiona’s head.

“You’d better tell your friend that she’s stepping very close to the tiger’s cage. She might lose something precious if she isn’t careful.” He said to her quietly, pressing the gun to her temple. She mumbled loudly at me, eyes wide with terror and tears.

“Tell her! Go on!” He jeered. I scowled at him, wanting nothing more than to stab him and bathe in his blood, fainting be damned.

He saw the look of defiance in my face and for a split second I thought he was astonished. Then that psycho-rage swept over his features and he was coming at me fast, gesturing with his handgun. He was shouting something but I wasn’t paying attention. I only noticed how close he was getting. I smiled.

Trying to embody Cammy once again. I did several things in very quick succession. I stomped the instep of the thug on my right as hard as I could. He cried out and released me. My right arm was freed. The other thug, was thrown into confusion as I shoved into him. He fell over, freeing the rest of my body. The goons had underestimated me, like I thought they would. Vaas was raising his gun, leveling it at my face. I didn’t care. What was I doing with my life anyway? It was enough to know my last moments wouldn't be pleasant for him. I snapped my arm back and rocketed it forward, throwing all my weight and conviction into the blow.

“What the fu-” Vaas exclaimed right before my fist connected against his cheekbone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's song is "Let Me Live/Let Me Die" by Des Rocs. I'd love to know what songs you think fit my fic.


	3. Darkside

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When you've waited your whole life to play the game, what do you do when you can't live with the hand you've been dealt?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let the triggering commence!
> 
> In all seriousness, I'm probably just as triggered as you. I'm not kidding. Apparently, I don't like myself very much.

I expected that my fingers would be broken. They probably were; they certainly hurt enough. I also expected Vaas to cap me right after I punched him. He didn’t. I absolutely didn’t expect for the world to halt in orbit. I definitely didn’t expect to feel an inexpressible sensation overtake me. I totally didn’t expect that when I looked at Vaas, I would see the man I wanted more than any other. He was on the ground looking just as bewildered as I felt. His eyes looked up into mine and I knew. I knew who he was. He knew who I was. I felt a clawing need to hold him, touch him. Knowing what I did about him, I chased that adoration with arrant hopelessness and disgust.

“No.” I said sadly falling to my knees before the thugs could put me in an arm bar again. I forced myself not to look at Vaas as tears fell from my eyes. Despair crushed me with impossible weight. I fell over curling up protectively on my side. It wasn’t fair. I had suffered so long without my soulmate, then I finally got one, only he had to be the worst sort of person I could imagine. Every catalog I’d ever made, listing the qualities I hoped for in a soul mate, he was the exact opposite.

“No. No. No.” I whispered, barely audible through my sobbing. I tried to hide my face only to be reminded of my broken, swollen fingers. I cried out in agony.

“Vaas?” The thugs wondered what they should do. Vaas held up his finger, looking at me with wide, crazed eyes. He got to his feet slowly.

“Leave.” He said calmly, unable to look away from my pathetic, sobbing form, as I protected my broken fingers. 

The men didn’t move, either not hearing or not believing the order. Vaas lifted his gun into the air and fired.

“I SAID GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!” The men ran, as terrified as their victims had been.

Fiona was sobbing in her cage and I covered my ears, trying to block out the world. Trying to revert back to the unhappy me who didn’t have a soulmate and didn’t know how lucky she was.

Vaas knelt over me after a while and I closed my eyes, refusing to look at him.

“Get up.” He urged. I didn’t respond, if I didn’t acknowledge he existed maybe the feelings - the desire - would go away.

I expected he would start yelling at me, or kick me until I obeyed. Instead, he gently picked me up like a bride, cradling me carefully against his broad chest. The feeling of his skin against mine was so wonderful. My traitorous heart fluttered excitedly. It made me furious. I trembled as I fought my overwhelming emotions.

“It’s okay, hermosa.” Vaas tried to console me. I cringed, choking down the butterflies in my throat.

No. I wouldn’t accept this. It was a mistake. It had to be. I was a good person. Why couldn’t I have something like what Fiona and Will had, what my parents had. Why was I bound to a sadistic and insane murderer?

As I puzzled out the cruelty of life and the universe, Vaas carried me to his shack. His men stared at him, in awe, as we passed. The shack itself was one room and an utter wreck. The “bed” was just an unmade queen mattress on top of some sawn logs. There were weapons and trash littering the floor. In one corner was a chain and shackles, bolted to the wall. They looked like they had dried blood on them. My head spun and I didn’t want to see anymore. He laid me down on the bed tenderly. I immediately pushed away, putting my back to him. I felt guilt bubble up in my chest and reprimanded myself for being so cold to him. Then I remembered it was the bullshit soul-mating talking and I gritted it down, bitterly. I heard him open a drawer before sitting behind me on the bed.

“Give me your hand.” He said softly.

I shook my head, more tears staining my dirty cheeks. He put a calloused hand on my arm, and slowly pulled my broken hand toward him. I whipped it away, wailing from the pain of the motion. He grabbed my wrist roughly this time, forcing me to give him what he wanted. I capitulated, realizing I didn’t have much choice anyway. He pushed my hand open and I muffled a scream behind my teeth. Rough fingers felt over my own one at a time, I writhed in agony.

“You have two broken fingers. The rest are just bruised.” He started wrapping my middle and ring fingers together with a bandage. He didn’t seem to care if I was being tormented in the process. Of course not. It was probably getting him off having me in his power like this. 

“Sadistic fucker.” I thought, trying to build up my store of venom against him, against the cloying affection that didn’t seem to tire. And I was pissed that my punch hurt myself more than it hurt him. When he finished he brought my hand toward his face. I ripped my hand away before he could do anything else. It had taken enough abuse from him for one day. I folded my arms around my chest and curled tightly on the bed. I worried what he might do. Would he insist on sharing? Would he force himself on me? He sighed wearily. I felt his weight lift from the mattress and his heavy footfalls grow faint. As soon as he was outside, I heard him shouting at his men, I pressed into my ears until all I could hear was my own breathing.

After a minute I unplugged my ears and listened for him. Nothing. He was gone, I was alone. Part of me wanted to run, find Fiona and run. All my limbs were heavy, reluctant to work. Beyond this, I knew that even if I did perform a daring rescue that went off without a hitch and Fiona and I escaped, I would still be tied to him. Even now I had to actively resist the urge to find him just to hold him. What sort of future had I been given? I couldn’t see how it could possibly lead anywhere happy or decent. I was tethered to a killer, misery was on the cards one way or another. Either I give into him and I let myself become a monster too. Or I fight my destiny, holding to my morality until I die. Death didn’t seem too far off no matter which way I went. The sound of rain pelted on the metal roof above me. I let the weariness take me and drifted into a dreamless sleep.

* * *

I awoke to the feeling of rough fingers gliding down my upper arm. It took me a few seconds to realize Vaas was lying close against my back. It took a few seconds more to remember that it was a horrible, unforgivable thing.

“Oh good. You’re awake.” He felt me stiffen against him.

Dual feelings of dread and delight surged through me at the sound of his voice. I slowly turned to look at him with a deliberate frown. He just smiled, I couldn’t tell if it was sinister in nature.

“I have some food for you.” He said almost boyishly.

I sat up and started checking myself over for signs of anything untoward while I slept.

“You’ve been asleep for over 24 hours.” His voice was more serious. “You should eat.”

“I’m not hungry.” I was too vexed to be hungry.

Vaas sat up on the bed and firmly pulled me back until my head was in his lap. He stroked my face gently. I glowered at him.

‘You’ll eat, or I’ll make you eat, mi Sirenita.” I couldn’t tell if he was threatening me or joking.

“I am _not_ hungry.” I emphasized.

“She’s not hungry.” He said like he was telling a joke to an invisible third person.

He reached over to the nightstand and picked up a cube of mango from a plate full of cut fruit.

“Are you sure? It’s delicious.” He waved the mango in the air enticingly.

I sat up with a disgusted look on my face. He popped the mango in his mouth and chewed it quickly, his eyes were on me, it was that predatory gaze I saw before. It gave me chills, I would have given anything to truthfully say it was only the bad sort of chills. I scooted toward the opposite edge of the bed.

Without warning, Vaas pulled me harshly and tossed me on my back. He climbed over me, pinning my hands above me with one of his own before I could register what was what. I tried to insult him, but he pressed his mouth over mine before I could utter a syllable. 

I was completely flummoxed, I didn’t know what was happening. Was he kissing me? Was this weirdness his idea of a kiss? His eyes were open, looking at me without blinking. It was unnerving. 

He closed my nose with his free hand when I attempted to turn my head away. Then, when my mouth opened to breathe instinctively, he spit chewed mango mush into it. I coughed, nauseated, trying to eject it from my mouth. He put his hand over my lips refusing to let me rid myself of the foulness.

“Swallow it.” He said darkly.

I murmured my abhorrence, muffled against his hand, tears forming in my eyes. I kicked and struggled but his hand was still painfully clamped on my mouth. I tried to twist my hands free, but I only made my broken fingers throb and hurt. 

“Fucking swallow!”

I sobbed, finally giving in and swallowing the mango covered in his saliva. I wanted to vomit in his face. My pride was smarting.

“Very good, mi Sirenita.”

He picked up another piece of mango and offered it to me. I shook my head. He put it into his mouth and chewed quickly. He leaned over. I screamed trying to escape before the vile force-feeding started again. After making me swallow five more pieces of chewed mango muck from his mouth, I finally accepted eating the fruit from his hand directly.

“You have to eat. You need to stay healthy.” He said, once the plate was clean. I glared at him hatefully.

“Here’s some water.” He shook a plastic bottle, offering it to me. I was too enraged to think about the consequences, I let my temper flare up and I knocked it out of his hand. He picked it up and unscrewed the lid. He held me down with a hand heavy on my shoulder and started pouring a small stream on my mouth.

“Open your mouth. Open it!” He commanded. I gritted my teeth tightly and pushed against him. I almost knocked the bottle out of his hand again. My neck and hair were wet. The bed underneath was wet too. The moisture felt insulting.

“You shouldn’t waste water. It’s a precious resource.” He said, setting the bottle on the nightstand and violently pushing my hands above my head once more. I tried to fight him this time only to discover his muscle wasn’t for show.

He took a long theatrical sip from the bottle and leaned down. I cried again, knowing what he was going to do. He pressed his lips against mine and pinched my nose shut. I couldn’t escape him, and my panic made my oxygen run out faster. Just as I opened my mouth to breathe he spit the water into it. I swallowed instinctively so I could more quickly get the air I needed. I gasped and coughed and he took another swig.

“Stop! I’ll drink it!” I promised exasperated. He leaned in, his lips against mine, waiting. I grimaced, realizing that he was waiting for me to willingly drink from his mouth. My pride was roiling. I knew it would only continue if I didn’t comply however. I squeezed my eyes shut, and opened my lips. The body temperature water flooded into my mouth and I fought the urge to gag. I managed to swallow it down and I opened my teary eyes.

He released my wrists and handed the bottle to me and I drank it as fast as I could. I was eager to remove his ammunition.

Vaas was looking at me like he was admiring a masterpiece. He leaned in again, and I flinched, worried that he would force me to drink or eat something else. Maybe even something that was disgusting when it wasn’t chewed up by someone else.

“Quiero hacerte el amor.” He whispered close to my ear as his hand stroked my face. He leaned in further, like he was going to actually kiss me.

“I have to use the bathroom.” I blurted out quickly. He looked into my terrified eyes for a moment, probing. “I’m serious.”

It was true. I did need the bathroom, but it wasn’t as urgent as I was making it sound. He climbed off me and off the bed. Before I could get up, he held his hand out to me. I didn’t take it and tried to make a point by crawling across the bed to get off on the other side; where he decidedly wasn’t. As I tried, he jerked me back toward him by my ankle.

“When a gentleman offers you his hand, it’s rude not to take it.” He looked irritated. I kicked my ankle free of his grasp.

“When I see one I’ll remember that.” It was snarky, pointed. I’d woken up less than 30 minutes ago and I was already done with this bullshit.

I stood up and he clenched the hand he offered, visibly fighting his rage. He stormed out of the disorderly room. I was unsure if I was supposed to follow or find the bathroom on my own.

“Are you coming?” Vaas returned, impatient.

There wasn’t a bathroom in Vaas’ place. The bath “room” was a separate shack all together, a bathhouse more like. He kept his hand around my waist as he led me through the camp. Some of the pirates we passed watched me with salacious glances. I didn’t like it. What I liked less was how every time we saw someone he’d stroke the bare skin of my waist with his coarse fingers. It was hard to remember to hate him when he did that.

We walked through another building and out into an open space. I caught the scent of copper and turned my head without thinking twice. There was a man messily butchering a pig. The blood was flowing in a stream along the path to the bath house. I grabbed his shirt trying to steady myself.

“What? You want me to feed you bacon?” Vaas teased. I collapsed.

* * *

“I’m sorry! Wake the fuck up! Please! Please wake up!”

I was being shaken wildly. When he saw my eyes open, Vaas embraced me tightly, stroking my hair. “You scared the fuck out of me.” 

I pushed him away.

“Let me go. I’m fine.” I said. He didn’t let me go, he stood, pulling me on to my feet as well.

“Are you sick?” He asked, feeling my forehead. I shoved his hand away. I hated how his skin on mine made me feel. If he wasn’t an abominable person, I might have liked it. As it was - desiring more of him despite the loathsome things he did - I couldn’t stand how vulgar and worthless it made me feel.

“I’m not sick.” I tried to step away from him again. He didn’t let me go.

“Don’t lie to me Sirenita.”

“Stop calling me that.” I hissed shoving him away as hard as I could.

He finally let go and I walked toward the bath house on my own. I was still dizzy and I stumbled, falling to my knees. I panted, holding my head in my hands trying to recover.

Sizable, solid arms wrapped around me from behind, Vaas pressed into my back. I could feel his chest expand with air. I could feel his breath on my neck. I leaned back looking to the sky, almost content for five seconds together before I remembered that I hated him and tried to escape his hold again.

“Tell me what’s wrong.” He whispered, begging in my ear.

I turned my head intending to lecture him on basic ethics and morality when I caught sight of the blood dripping from the butcher’s table.

“You- I have-” I said before fainting again.

* * *

This time I came to myself before Vaas could start shaking me. He had turned me around and I was in his arms again.

“Why are you fainting?” His expression looked stern, onerous.

I didn’t want to tell him anything. I didn’t want the psychopath to know my big weakness. Even in wanting to keep him ignorant, I still blamed him for it. If he wasn’t such a villain, I’d never had to stab that thug in the jungle. Yup. Totally all his fault. I didn’t say a word.

“Talk to me!” He shouted in that maniacal way that terrified me. I stiffen and tried to free myself. 

He pulled me tighter to his chest and tried to rock me like an inappropriately sized infant. I was still lightheaded and the vise-like clinging was not helping.

“Let me go! You’re suffocating me!” I screamed against his chest.

He roared, frustrated, before shoving me away.

“There! I fucking let you go!” He pulled his gun out and tapped it on the side of his head before standing to pace back and forth.

“Why are you like this? Every time I touch you you are offended. Every time I try to be kind, you force me to be cruel.” He didn’t look at me when he spoke, though it was clearly all about me. “All I know is I can’t stand not being able to touch you, hold you… IT’S DRIVING ME FUCKING INSANE!”

I was already on my feet by the time he started shouting. I didn’t want to be anywhere near him when his gun was in his hand. So I made the most of his tantrum by running to the bath house. Initially, I thought he didn’t notice I’d scarpered. Then I heard loud feet getting closer behind me. I ran like my life depended on it. Reaching the door, I threw it open and dove inside. I saw the desperate look on Vaas’s face as I kicked the door closed. There was a short 2x4 near the door and I used it to jamb the door shut. Vaas howled as he slammed against it to no effect.

I took a deep breath, shaking off my tension and looked around. The room was one huge communal stall. On one side of the shack was dirty toilets, half didn’t have seats. There was one sink, with a busted mirror in the corner. The other side was four or five showers with exposed, rusty-looking pipes and cheap nozzles. It was a high school locker room if it was designed by Team Silent. I was thankfully alone, so even with its many shortcomings I was happy for the temporary respite it offered.

“Sirenita, open the door.” Vaas said, trying to feign a kind tone, but I could hear that maddening disquiet was here, just under the surface. “Don’t shut me out.”

“Leave me alone.” He pounded the door with his fist when he was refused, cursing loudly. Let him curse. I was confident the 2x4 would prove mightier than the Vaas. 

I didn’t like the idea of touching any surface in this bathroom, but it afforded privacy where the rest of the camp wouldn’t. I hovered over the cleanest looking toilet as I took care of business. I found no toilet paper. I found no soap. I looked in the mirror and saw a pale woman with a dirty tear streaked face and mud in her hair. I also noticed some bruising on my arms and side. My tankini was filthy. It would be smart to take advantage of the shower while I had seclusion, no doubt Vaas would make sure I wasn’t alone again once I opened that door.

I walked to the nearest shower and turned it on. There was no hot water, just cold. I shivered as I stepped under the stream and scrubbed my tangled hair, trying to do my best without shampoo. I heard banging and thumping on the wall. I dismissed it after a few moments. Perhaps Vaas was trying to scare me? My attention turned to the boots on my feet. They seemed to be waterproof. It was a small mercy. I didn’t want to put my bare feet on the floor.

I pulled my top off and rinsed it, scouring the really bad parts with my fingers. Once I was satisfied I hung it up on a nail sticking out of the wooden wall. I started to pull down the suit bottom, but I heard a strange but loud sound coming from the roof. I pulled them back on and looked up. Something was poking through the underside of the thatch. Small pieces of debris were tumbling to the concrete floor. Realization and dread culminated instantly and I barely had time to wrap my tankini top around me before something large came crashing through the roof.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nicholas Cage said he used the movie "Vampire's Kiss" as a chance to experiment with acting. Very few people claim to like that movie unironically, but almost everyone  
> can remember at least one of Nick's other movies they liked. 
> 
> I feel like that about fanfiction. It's a chance to try whatever you want and not sweat the perfection or propriety or plausibility.
> 
> I watched an interview with Michael Mando and he talked about deep pain making Vaas the way he was. Everything Vaas did was influenced by that pain. I wanted to see if I could get a handle on that aspect of his character.
> 
> I also wanted to push my limits as a writer. Not by writing a masterpiece, but by writing about things that disturb me or I have trauma over. Maybe if I can write about the dark wounds in my soul, they might heal a little. At the very least I'll have proven to myself that I can push past them.
> 
> This chapter's song is "Darkside" by blink-182. I'd love to know what songs you think fit my fic.


	4. Back Against the Wall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She's reluctant to lose herself to him. That's what he wants most of all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "You will come to a place where the streets are not marked.  
> Some windows are lighted. But mostly they're darked.  
> A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin!  
> Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in?  
> How much can you lose? How much can you win?"  
> -Dr. Seuss "Oh, the Places You'll Go!"-
> 
> I definitely went places...

Vaas cursed as he found his feet, bits of dried palm frond in his hair and covering his clothes. I backed away, shocked. He looked at the door, and noticed the board jammed tight against it. A furious expression on his face. 

“What the fuck is that? What the f-” He did a double take when he caught sight of me. His face softened slightly, but it didn’t last long. That predatory gleam came back with a vengeance. “That’s more like it.”

“Stay away Vaas.” My voice trembled. “I mean it.”

“Say my name again, Sirenita. I’ll get so hard for you.” He stalked toward me like a wolf. “Then you’ll say my name over and over.”

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” I said, trying to look angry, intimidating, threatening; anything to keep him away. To Vaas, I must have looked as scary as Mary quite contrary.

“Is it because I’m filthy?” His words gave me goosebumps. “ I need to be clean too? It’s only fair.”

He took a wide side step under the stream and gave a stentorian howl as the cold water rushed over him, soaking through his clothes. I tried to circle wide and get back to the door. I knew it wasn’t a smart idea. Even if I escaped out the door and stopped Vaas from following me somehow I’d still be topless in a camp with libidinous pirates who already looked at me like I was a prime cut of meat. Yet, I knew I’d betray myself if I stayed.

“Nonononono, please.”

Vaas hooked my waist with his arm when I tried to rush past. He pulled me backward, flush against him. I blushed.

“I told you how it is.” He said, lifting wet locks of my hair to his nose and inhaling deeply. “Qué linda eres.”

The soulmate _thing_ made me feel too hot, desperately wanting...

“Let me go, please.” I begged.

“Why can’t you feel it? It’s worse than any drug. This need.” His voice was quiet but his teeth were gritted. “Why aren’t you ruined for me?”

I shook my head. I wanted to tell him that I felt nothing. To say that I was sickened by the mere thought of him, revolted. I didn’t need or want his affection or touch... I couldn’t find the words. I felt like I wanted to cry, and hated myself for it.

“What does that mean? Huh? Your pretty fucking head shaking. What the fuck does that mean?” He spun me around to face him, pressing his dripping head to mine.

I couldn’t look him in the eye. I was too afraid that if I did, he’d see the struggle in me, and drive me on until I couldn’t and didn’t want to deny him anymore. He lifted my unbroken hand and pressed gentle kisses on my fingertips, my palm and my wrist. I quivered as my heart raced. I tried unsuccessfully to hold in a pleasured gasp. His scorching tongue licked the water off my wrist. My face was too hot and I couldn’t seem to catch my breath completely. Vaas was silent as the grave and I eventually dared to look at him. His piercing eyes were looking at me intensely, damning me. He had carefully watched my reaction. He knew.

I was ashamed and pushed away from him. His arm was still around my waist and he didn’t let me go. He slipped his hand behind my head and pulled me into a kiss. I was overwhelmed and undone. His kiss was just as ravening as the rest of him. It was invading, conquering and I melted away into it. He took the kiss deeper, harder, more frantic. His hands roamed across the bare skin of my back. Every touch was electric. I was falling apart at the seams.

I understood what Fiona had said about touching your match. Every man in the whole world could touch me however they wanted and I wouldn’t pay them any mind, Not when one of Vaas’s fingertips could set me ablaze.

Somehow he had maneuvered us against the wall without my notice. It was hard to think about anything, it was even difficult to remain standing. Still there was a little thorn irritating me. A little prick of agitation trying to pull me out of bliss. Fiona, gagged and bound, pleading from a cage flashed through my thoughts and I bit as hard as I could on Vaas’ bottom lip.

He flung himself backward with a surprised groan. I took the opening I rushed to the door, throwing on my tankini top as I went. I pulled the 2x4 free and opened the door, running into the yard. Vaas shouted obscenities. A gunshot crashed through the air. I froze when I saw the dirt spray where the bullet had struck; it was too close for comfort.

“Look at me.” There wasn’t malice in his voice, not that I could hear.

My feet took slow, little steps until I had turned to face him. Vaas was walking leisurely toward me, his gun pointed at my heart. It wouldn’t surprise me if he did kill me, right now. Men like him probably tried to eliminate or avoid this kind of baggage. It was an obvious weakness that could be exploited by enemies. His enemies were quite numerous, no doubt. 

“I tried with the honey. Now we’re going to try the motherfucking vinegar.” His lip was bloody, a thin, dark-red ribbon running down his chin onto his neck. I shifted my eyes to his boots, now would be a very bad time to lose consciousness.

“I figured you out.” He stepped in really close and pressed my chin up with his gun. “Look me in the eye.”

I did, if only in an attempt to not look at the blood on his face.

“You don’t like what fate gave you. Do you Sirenita?”

I felt the warm gun barrel pushing tighter into the soft flesh under my jaw. I couldn’t help but show the terror on my face, I couldn’t help but whimper timorously.

“Tell me.”

I shook my head equivocally. He pulled my hair forcing me to look at him.

“Nononono. You don’t get to bullshit your way out of this.” He jerked my hair again and tears rolled out the corners of my eyes.

“You’re a monster.” I blurted.

I didn’t know what I expected to happen. Whatever it was it certainly wasn’t Vaas laughing in my face gleefully.

“Oh yeah?”

I didn’t answer or move.

“Look at your hands.” He holstered his gun and gripped my wrist. He brought my hand into my view. “Your hands are filthy. You murdered a man. You’re just as much of a monster as I am.”

“I didn’t kill him.” I argued.

“You killed him. You stabbed him in the liver in the middle of the fucking jungle and left him for dead. What did you fucking think would happen? Huh? That God would descend from the fucking clouds and make it like it never happened? No, Sirenita, no. God doesn’t give a fuck about you-”

“You shot him! You’re the monster!” I screamed, shutting my eyes, unable to handle my guilt or the unrelenting look in Vaas’s eyes.

“I gave him more mercy than you would have.” He led my captured hand downward.

“I’m a monster. It’s true. But I’m also a man.” He pinioned my hand against his pants. I could feel his stiff length through the wet fabric. I went rigid and tried to force my hand away, but he held it there against him firmly. 

“You’ve made a fucking mess of things, hermosa.” My hand stroked over him against my will, and he let out a small grunt of pleasure. “Take some fucking responsibility and clean it up.”

“Why are you doing this to me?” My voice was raw and half choked with weeping.

“Fate did this to you.” He corrected me with sneer.

I couldn’t stand it anymore. I wanted to fade into oblivion, not feel anything, not be awake anymore. My poor racing heart told me I didn’t want death, just numbness. I had avoided looking at his mouth, but I did so now. When I saw the red smeared across his lips and down his chin I felt my head swim, the blood drained from my face and I felt weakness overtake every inch of me. Funny how the only thing I could rely on with any stability was my own weakness. The last thing I saw was Vaas’ brutal smirk turn into a grimace of concern.

* * *

Consciousness returned when I felt the boots on my feet being tugged off. It wasn’t over yet, I realized. Whatever he was going to do to me wasn’t over. I kept my eyes closed and my body limp, trying to will the blackness to overtake me again. I silently cursed when I realized that it wouldn’t.

I assumed the person pulling my boots off was Vaas, I could feel the energy in his touch as he gently held up my legs. I wasn’t on the ground, I was on a bed perhaps? Something softer than dirt.

He lifted my legs higher and I wondered if he was practicing first aid for fainting. One at a time my ankles came to sit on top of warm fabric and flesh. To my horror, I realized they were resting on his shoulders. My mind lit up in panic. My clothes were still on, I could tell, but it was of small comfort when he promptly pulled my hips until I was pressed tightly against his lower torso. It took everything I had to remain relaxed. I wasn’t sure I could deal with this problem directly. Was it better not to fight? I had a feeling that if he wanted it, I wouldn’t be able to stop him. I’d only risk injury or my life. I could feel the texture of his shirt and pants against the backs of my thighs so I knew he wasn’t naked. 

_Neither of you has to be naked for him to rape you._ I gloomily reminded myself.

His hand glided down my shin, over my knee and down the outside of my thigh sensuously. My whole body shivered.

“Ah. Wake at last.” His tone was triumphant.

It was too late for continued pretense so I opened my eyes.

We were in his hovel and Vaas was smiling sinfully down at me. One of his hands was gripping my thigh rather close to the junction of my hip, his thumb rubbing the skin languidly. His other hand slid up to my knee holding it in place while he pressed his scruffy jaw against my skin. A nefarious delight shimmered in his eyes when he saw my harrowed expression.

He watched me with those savage eyes of his for a long awkward moment. Propping my elbows under me, I attempted to scoot my hips away and sit up properly. He held me in place. I threw my hands up in frustration, knowing that I was stuck or in for a pointless physical battle. I hid my eyes with the back of my arm. I was tired. The day wasn’t half over and I felt like I could sleep for another twenty four hours.

“What do you want?” My voice hitched with a repressed sob. “Just tell me what you want.”

“I want the truth, mi Sirenita.” I ventured a glance at him. He licked my thigh. I shivered involuntarily again.

I was so tired. Exhausted from fighting the whole universe, fate, God or whatever. Doubly exhausted from fighting Vaas, the demon with an iron grip on my thighs and my soul.

“What do you want to know?” I exhaled unsteadily.

“Are you afraid of me?”

I nodded.

“Use your words, hermosa. I want to hear you say it.” He ran a finger a long my inner thigh.

“Yes! I’m terrified of you! You’re insane!” I shouted beyond despondent.

“Okay. I believe you.” He said simply, and I gave him an incredulous look.

It was a stupid question. Of course I was scared of him. He murdered on a whim! You couldn’t predict what utterly fucked thing he was going to do next. How could I not worry for my well-being when he was present? Vaas reached behind him and pulled out his gun. I immediately began to tremble. I followed the gun with panicking eyes.

“Does this make you more afraid?” The gun wasn’t pointed at me directly but it might as well have been. I nodded at him. “Words, hermosa! Words!” 

“Y-Yes.” My attention was still on the gun.

“It’s okay.” He whispered as he set the gun on my stomach, barrel pointed at my face. I started to cry out, distressed. 

“It’s going to be okay.” He spoke in a low tone, running his hand on my thigh like he was soothing a spooked animal.

The heaviness on my abdomen made me tremble worse. I wondered if I could take it and escape. No, I had seen enough to realize that Vaas played mind games. He was more intelligent than I’d like to see in a ruthless killer. This was a test, a trap. I didn’t know what the right answers were, but I was going to assume that it wasn’t trying to attack him with his own gun.

“Next question.” He flicked my thigh and my eyes lifted up to look at him. “Why are you fainting?”

I swallowed hard. I didn’t want to tell him. I didn’t want to give him more power over me. He picked up the gun and ejected a round from the chamber, catching it effortlessly. I realized the action wasn’t dangerous, not that I knew of, but he made his fucking point.

“I faint when I see blood.” I winced as I spoke.

There was silence for a long time before he did or said anything.

“That’s fucking hilarious.” He chuckled, setting the gun back on my stomach. I inhaled sharply as I felt it return.

“No it i-isn’t.” I adamantly disagreed with a shaky voice.

“No, I guess you wouldn’t think so.” He was still grinning.

I wanted to at least knock the gun away, off of me. I couldn’t get the gumption to do it. I worried that he might assume I was trying to take it, use it and then that’d be it for me.

“Next question.” His hand drifted down the back of my thigh until he could squeeze my ass. “Does this feel nice?”

I didn’t know how to answer. Pretty much all his touches on my bare skin felt wonderful. The overall effect of terror and disgust added on top of things brought the experience closer to something awful rather than something nice.

“No.” I decided that I didn’t like it.

“Are you sure you aren’t lying?” He squeezed a bit harder.

“No. It’s not nice.” I managed to say it with a modicum of confidence. A hint of dangerous disappointment flashed on his face before he gave me an unknowable look.

“Did you like the kiss?” He asked quickly, almost like he was nervous. I didn’t buy it. It was a ploy to get me to underestimate him for some unsavory purpose. I still felt a blush creep across my cheeks, though.

“Yes.” I said, feeling like I was degrading myself with the admission. Every interaction with him seemed to come at the expense of my dignity or pride. Not to mention filled with terror. I couldn’t leave it as a means of justifying his treatment of me. “But that doesn’t mean anything. Kisses are just nice.”

His eyes were absolutely feral. I swallowed, immediately regretting my life choices.

“So any kiss would feel nice? Is that what you’re communicating to me?”

I didn’t say anything, I could see that he was a centimetre away from the volatile fury that I wanted to avoid so much.

“If I understand you, making you kiss the first prick you see when you walk out the fucking door will be the same? Is that what you are fucking telling me?”

I shook my head. He raised his scarred brow in warning. “No.” I said quickly, remembering he wanted me to verbalize my answers.

“Then tell me, how is it different?” That crazed look was in his eyes though his features lacked expression.

“Please don’t do this to me.” I said, unsure if I could survive a detailed admission.

“HOW?!” He shouted, making me recoil.

“It’s different because y-you feel like l-lightning and fire.” I swallowed thickly, my eyes were closed.

“Is that the only difference?” He was still angrily demanding an answer.

“I-I want-” He leaned over, grinding his hips into me. I put a hand on his chest, keeping him back. My head was turned away from him, trying to hide the prolific blushing.

“God! I want you so bad! But-” The words rushed out like vomit. “But... I c-can’t.”

I couldn’t bring myself to be more explicit. I just couldn’t. I felt like I was naked, completely exposed. He should be able to see the truth for himself, he didn’t need me to describe to him what he already knew.

“Finish your statement, Sirenita.” His voice was low and baleful.

“You’re- You’re-” I began uneasy.

“What am I? Huh!?” He exploded and I covered my ears. “ WHAT!?”

I started to sob and cower trying to turn my body away from him.

“What?” He laughed in a bitterly exasperated way. “Am I not pretty enough for you? You want yourself a fucking Bradley chilito Cooper?”

“No!” I said urgently, realizing that I’d inadvertently hit on a dangerous subject.

“Is it my island? Not good enough for you? You want a fucking mansion in Hollywood maybe?”

“NO!” I screamed, unable to remain calm.

“What is it? HUH?! WHAT IS IT??”

“YOU ARE SADISTIC!!” I felt like my throat was being ripped up as I screamed, half-blind with tears. “YOU ARE A FUCKING MURDERER!!”

He was silent, breathing hard.

“You force me or torture me until I give you what you want, and I can tell you like it. I’m just your plaything. You are holding my best friend for ransom in inhumane conditions. You go psychotic at the drop of a hat. Everything about you tells me I can’t trust you.” I whispered breathlessly, my throat was so sore I was convinced it might bleed. “That’s why I won’t give myself to you. I won’t cheapen myself for a moment’s pleasure with someone who chooses to be a monster.”

He looked stunned, his mouth was slightly agape. I wasn’t going to assume he was morally touched. That seemed impossible. After a few seconds of silence I pushed the gun off of my midriff and began pulling my legs off his shoulders, moving away from him. My whole body shook. I wiped my eyes with unsteady hands though the tears hadn’t stopped yet. I tried not to think about anything, though I couldn’t help but wonder how much longer I would have to live.

He shook his head like he was snapping himself out of a trance. Then he looked at me. I swiftly wrapped my arms around my legs, hiding my face in my knees. I didn’t want him to see how distraught I was and I didn’t want to see how outraged he was.

After an eternity he holstered his gun and got off the bed and walked outside, slamming the door behind him.

A few moments of lonely silence passed and then gunfire echoed loudly through the walls. One shot after another, when it ended I was sure it was only because the magazine had run dry. I wondered if it was Vaas, relieving his rage. I hoped with everything I had, that shots had not found purchase in Fiona or any other living person. I fell over and cried until I couldn’t deny the lassitude any longer. An uneasy sleep overtook me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been getting like 3-4 hours of sleep since I started writing this fic. I have no doubt it shows. I do plan on going back through and doing some house cleaning.
> 
> The reference to Bradley Cooper was due to him being named the Sexiest Man Alive by People magazine in 2011, the year before FC3 came out. I don't know, but I don't imagine Vaas is up to snuff with sexy actor knowledge. I figured that he might have seen the cover of a popular magazine though.
> 
> This chapter's song is "Back Against the Wall" by Cage The Elephant. I'd love to know what songs you think fit my fic.


	5. Water

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A desperate escape attempt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still can't sleep. I'm still pretty sure this is just madness that I believe resembles coherent thought.  
> Here. We. Go.

I woke up and I wasn’t dead. I think most people would say that’s a plus. I wasn’t so sure. First thing I noticed was that Vaas wasn’t there. It should have been a comfort. I should have been relieved. Instead I was consumed with need. I needed to see him, hear him, touch him, smell him. Something. I was overwhelmed by the memory of his hands on me, his kiss… It was like I was dying. This was unbearable. Where was he? I had to go to him. Where-

“No.” I clawed my hands down the sides of my face while shaking my head vigorously. “Breathe. Calm down.”

I slowed my breaths and tried to relax. The overwhelming urge to find Vaas and take whatever he would give me gradually receded like a wave pulling from shore. I knew it wasn’t gone, not for good and not completely. The intensity had reduced just enough for me to breathe normally and focus. This out of control feeling was terrifying to me. Was this the way that Fiona and Will always felt? If so, it was only out of considerable care and love for me that Fiona was willing to leave him alone for so long. Was this what Vaas was talking about?

_It’s worse than any drug. This need._

I started to feel guilty for constantly pushing him away. 

I exhaled shakily. I had a feeling that things would only get worse. No one had told me the nuance of what having a soulmate was like. Maybe I never asked. Maybe everyone I knew was an asshole. Either way, I knew I wouldn’t be able to stand against the feeling for much longer, especially if it could come in such harsh bursts. I needed to do something to help Fiona before I was swept away and lost to the sea. Something needed to happen right now.

I looked around the room, hoping to find something to help. There was an old rum bottle near the bed and I picked it up. I knew from Mythbusters that hitting someone in the head with a glass bottle would seriously fuck them up. The knowledge consoled me.

My boots were on the floor, neatly resting by the foot of the bed and I quickly strapped them to my feet. I opened the door of the shack a little. It was dark, I didn’t see anyone walking around.

When I eventually ventured out I realized I didn’t have a plan. I was just a silly woman, clutching an empty liquor bottle like it was Excalibur, sneaking in the bushes in a jungle camp full to the brim with murderous pirates, trying to figure out a way to save her best friend before she completely lost her mind. It’d have to do. I didn’t trust that I would have the time to figure out something better.

I made my way to where they had the cages. I paused only when a pirate, usually with an assault rifle, walked past on sentry and when I was briefly lost. Eventually I saw the bamboo cage and the shimmer of pale gold in the weak light. Fiona was still in the cage bound and gagged. She wasn’t moving and I worried that Vaas had decided to get his revenge against my honesty by shooting her. There was a guard standing about ten yards away. He looked preoccupied with another cage. I took my opportunity to approach, hiding in her silhouette. I could hear her breathing and I relaxed a little.

“Fiona.” I whispered. She jerked and tried to look behind her.

“Shhhh! Hang on, I’m going to free you.” Reaching in I pulled the gag away and started trying to untie her hands. I noticed that her hair was a wreck and she was grimy. I didn’t get the impression that Vaas had taken anything I’d said to heart. It made my own heart sink a little.

“I thought you were dead.” Her voice was hoarse and her breath hitched.

“No. I’m unfortunately alive.” I tried to insert some humor into my tone. It fell flat.

“How are we going to get out of here?” She sounded like she was about to cry.

“I have some ideas.” I exaggerated.

I really only had a series of goals and no idea how to achieve them. Getting out of the camp was the first part of the plan. Getting back to the beach with the jet skis was the next. Rowing back to Spain like there’s no mañana was the last step. It wasn’t good.

“How are we getting past the guard?” She asked, seemingly picking up on my incompetence.

I loosed the rope enough she was able to slide her hands out. Her wrists were raw, bloody. I swallowed and looked away.

“Call the guard over and I’ll take care of him.” I said like I had a fucking clue.

“What?” She whipped her head around looking at me like I was insane.

“Just do it.” I hissed as I backed away into a bush. 

She made the sign of the cross and sighed. It was encouraging to see she wasn’t completely without humor yet. She leaned back like she had before and called to the guard. I had expected her to call him frantically, she was trying to sound like she was very horny. Part of me thought it would be idiotic to do that. He’d never buy it. Surprisingly, however, he walked over without a fuss. He didn’t seem aggressive about it either. He smiled, revealing a missing tooth, and opened the cage door. That’s when I made my move. I tip-toed up behind him and just before he was about to lean down I craned the bottle as hard as I could on the top of his head. The glass shattered. I was left holding the fragmented neck of the bottle standing over the unconscious body of a pirate.

“Fuck.” Fiona shook the glass off her feet.

I immediately started pulling things off of him. I started with his gear, then pulled his shirt off.

“What are you doing?” She asked bewildered. I tossed her the dirty red shirt.

“Put that on, your bikini can give us away.”

She looked at the fabric like it was vile. I rolled my eyes and started tugging off his pants and boots. He was almost naked now. I took Fiona’s binds and began wrapping them around the guard’s wrists. Fiona stood up and pulled the shirt over her. She looked disgusted. I couldn’t imagine it smelled like Irish Spring and pitied her.

I leaned the practically naked guard against the cage with Fiona’s help and she tied a gag on his mouth, viciously tight.

“‘Better use for your mouth,’ my ass.” She whispered angrily at him. I didn’t want to know what did or didn’t happen between them. With any luck it wouldn’t matter anymore, because we’d escape and flip this fucking island the bird as we left.

I pulled baggy camo pants on over my suit bottoms. I was thankful for the belt that came with them. They were quite big and I had to tuck the ridiculously long pant legs into my boot tops just to walk properly. I tossed Fiona the boots and she gave me another queasy look.

“I know it’s gross, but you can get prescription strength anti-fungal when we get back home.”

She nodded and started to put them on.

I gave Fiona a combat knife, realizing that it would only be a double-edge sword for me at best. I tied a red scrap of fabric around my arm and picked up the assault rifle. It was heavy. I doubted that anyone would mistake me for a pirate with any scrutiny, but I wasn’t hoping to infiltrate. I was hoping not to be seen, but in case I was, I’d look sorta legit and unsuspicious at a glance. Maybe enough that they’d dismiss us rather than get curious. I had no idea which way was out, it could mean a lot of meandering potentially. The longer we were here, the more we’d risk getting caught, anything that helped our chances even a little was welcome.

I helped Fiona out of the cage and closed the door behind us. I led her into the brush around the cages and walked in the direction that I’d come from the first time I’d been here.

We skirted around buildings, in bushes and behind trees. We were doing pretty good too. No one had noticed a thing so far. I scanned for any sign of the path out. Though I had been freaking out at the time, I was able to remember enough to get us heading in the general direction we’d come in. Once we found the roadway that ran through the camp it was easy to find the gate. Only one guard was guarding it, he had his rifle on his shoulder carelessly, like he was bored. His guard was down. I was sure we’d be able to just sneak out, the moment his back was turned.

Just when I was sure we’d get out with no issue, just when I thought the universe might be making up for the hell it put me through, there was an alarm called. The guards poured out of nearby buildings and ran toward the gate. They were searching as they ran. Fiona and I ducked behind some rotted siding leaning against a wall nearby. I was still hopeful we’d be able to get out eventually.

A truck drove down the road and stopped at the gate. I could see a man stand up in the passenger’s seat. He had a black mohawk.

My heart skipped a beat as I realized it was Vaas, looking commanding and badass as he ordered his men to find us. He wasn't happy, to put it mildly. That wild and hateful expression was on his face and in his voice as he sent them off searching. He rolled his broad shoulders as he hopped out of the truck. The truck then drove into the jungle leaving him alone in the gateway looking tormented. I felt guilty for distressing him so much.

“What are you doing!” Fiona pulled me back behind the siding as hard as she could.

I was horrified when I realized I had almost revealed myself. The wave of need wasn’t over, the more I looked at him walking down the road into the darkness, the more I wanted to hold him. Provide comfort to the both of us.

“What are you thinking?” She whispered harshly.

I had no answer. I guess I wasn’t thinking. I was scared of myself and what I was capable of unwittingly doing…

Eventually only the singular guard remained again. Only now he was ready to shoot anything that moved. I cursed as I looked for something useful. My eyes settled on a rock at my feet and I tossed it as hard as I could opposite of us. The guard heard it collide with the shutter of a building across the road and raised his weapon. He proceeded away from the gate. Fiona and I proceeded slowly toward it.

We were almost there when a stack of old tires tumbled over and crashed into some rusty sheet metal. My eyes were wide when I looked at Fiona who was wincing at her clumsiness.

“Hands up!” The man shouted and my eyes darted to him. He had the gun pointed at us. Fiona stood up first, her hands above her head. His aim focused on her.

Seeing action movies since I was a child, I was always so upset at the stand off. The demand for someone to put their weapon down or be fired upon. “Don’t talk! Just shoot!” I would scream at the screen. “Just shoot them!” I had no idea if the logic was sound, but it seemed simple enough. A bullet traveled faster than anyone could react. You could just shoot the bad guy in the face, before he could do anything about it. Problem solved.

 _Don’t talk! Just shoot!_ I heard my own childish words in my head. Before the guard could turn his weapon at me I lifted the rifle, aimed and fired.

The sound was deafening and I recoiled, realizing that I hadn’t held it correctly. The gun dropped out of my hands. I rushed down to pick it up, terrified that I was about to be murdered, because I missed. It was so clumsily done, how could I not have missed?

Fiona let out a quiet sob. I looked up and saw that the guard was in the middle of the roadway, unmoving. I’d done it. The realization sunk in and I felt sick.

“Who the fuck is shooting!” Vaas bellowed over the radio lying a few feet from the dead guard. “The next chicken fuck who fires will be eating his own fucking nutsack by morning!”

I was disquiet, and shaking at what I’d done. Still, this was our moment. We had to leave. Fiona was studying the guard with a confused look. I grabbed her arm and pulled her toward the gate. As we darted into the jungle bush I felt hot tears sting my cheeks. I was a monster. I’d killed a man. There was no interference this time, no ignorance to what a gun might do, no doubt. I’d shot him down like a dog.

All around us I could hear men shouting directions, information, curses. I kept us low and in the vegetation. We’d stop whenever we saw lights, or heard someone get too close. I could hear Vaas giving out static, frenetic demands over radios. It was distracting and I tried to tune him out.

I wasn't always successful.

Okay, so I wasn't successful at all. 

We dove into the roots of a large tree to avoid being caught by two pirates who had come up from behind suddenly. When they were safe enough away I was about to move on, when Fiona caught my arm.

“Why wouldn’t Vaas want us harmed?” She asked quietly.

“What?” I tried to sound like I didn’t know what she was talking about.

“Don’t pull that stupid, ‘I don’t understand’ crap on me.” She hissed.

“We don’t have time for this.” I grumbled, unwilling to admit certain truths to her just yet.

“What happened when he took you away?” She demanded still whispering.

“Nothing.” I lied. “We have to go, or we’ll get caught. We can talk about this after.”

I shrugged off her grip and we continued onward.

At a certain point I noticed that Vaas’s voice was fraught with nerves. He sounded less irate and insane and more anxious. That’s when he ordered his men to comb the beaches. 

Fiona and I were covering ground yes, but we had no idea where we were. We’d have liked to get to the beach, but I couldn’t make heads or tales of the jungle in the dark. But now all we had to do is tail his men. It was a mistake I was happy to take advantage of.

Before the trees broke I could hear the sound of the ocean softly roaring. Excitement overwhelmed me; we were really escaping. We were going to make it.

When we hit sand, the pirates we’d followed ran down opposite sides of the beach. I could see that we were at the dock with the jet skis. I couldn’t believe the luck.

We waited until we were sure we couldn’t hear or see anyone and made our way down to the jet skis. I helped Fiona onto one and was about to climb on one myself when bright lights shone over us.

"Did you miss me?"

I whipped around and held the rifle up threateningly, but I was blind. I could only see the headlights and light bar of a vehicle.

“Put down your gun, Sirenita.” Vaas said calm as you please.

I realized that for all my hopes at being clever and taking advantage of his mistake, I’d really just fallen into his trap. He knew where I would go, immediately. He herded us there. I considered firing blindly into the light. But I couldn’t stand the idea of seeing Vaas, grave and motionless on the ground, like the guard...

I let the rifle fall into the sand with considerable wretchedness.

“That’s right, nice and easy.” He said jumping off the truck and walking toward us. I could see his silhouette in the headlights. His gun was in his hands, but it wasn’t pointed at us. Fiona sobbed quietly behind me.

“Come here.” He whistled pointing to the area in front of him with his pistol, I could see the shit-eating grin on his face in my mind. I reluctantly got up and started walking over.

“No. No!” Fiona cried. I turned around to see her leaning limply on the jet ski, sobbing without tears. She looked ruined, defeated. Hopeless. I couldn’t stand it.

“I’m afraid so, honey.” Vaas said smugly, chortling. “Get up. Don’t make me shoot you.”

I was sure he would make good on the promise. He’d lose no sleep over poor Fiona's life. 

It was then I had an idea, and I didn’t know how sound or sane it was. Perhaps that didn't matter. Perhaps the only way to out do the insanity of Vaas was to do something crazy myself. More importantly, if it worked, Fiona would get away.

I turned back toward him, a fearful look on my face.

“That’s right. You know don’t you?” He jeered me. “No one escapes my kingdom!” 

I did my best to look remorseful, doubtful if he’d be receptive to me. I walked to him, not stopping until I was against his chest. I wrapped my arms around his neck.

“Please. Please don’t hurt her.” I sobbed.

If his touch was so effective on me, I wondered if I was just as distracting for him? I was going to put it to the test.

“I’ll do anything if you don’t hurt her.” I pleaded, tears running down my cheeks, pressing a small kiss right over his heart. 

He was silent, and I couldn’t see his face, but he breathed deeply and wrapped an arm around my body. Protective but sensuous. I reached up with my hands and pulled his head down to mine. He didn’t resist and I kissed him. 

It wasn’t hard to kiss him convincingly. I was just letting need for him sate itself a bit. He instantly became that ferocious beast that kissed me in the bath shack. This time, however, I was even more willing to contribute. Holding to him, feeling his muscular body, gasping and moaning with abandon. 

“Sirenita, what are you doing to me?” He asked between kisses, sounding completely lost. 

His tongue coiled with mine as he kissed me with renewed vehemence. I could only compare it to a storm that forms above the inferno of a volcanic eruption. Ruinous but phenomenal.

Yeah, it wasn’t hard to kiss him believably. What _was_ hard was trying to remember what I needed to do besides kiss him. I heard Fiona’s confused murmurs behind me and I remembered.

I ran a hand down his chest and around his waist, pulling him tight against me. He holstered his gun and tangled his hand into my hair trapping me in his arms.

I reached around to grip the gun in its holster. I couldn’t help but smile into the kisses, marveling at my own deviousness. I stopped kissing him to breathe for a moment. He pressed his lips against my neck. I wasn’t expecting it and I moaned with delight unbidden, surprising myself at my reaction. I halted him with my hand, I clearly was unable to think properly when he did that. He looked at me, I could see deep emotion and serenity on his face, even in the shadow of the headlights. I started to hate myself for what I was going to do next.

He leaned in to kiss me again, I shoved him back as hard as I could, ripping the gun free of the holster. He was completely taken aback, and it made me feel dreadful that my plan could actually work.

I backed away from him, well out of his reach, and pointed his own gun at him. I was terrified, I could hardly hear anything except my heart pounding and my arms shook unreliably, I hoped he wouldn’t notice.

“Get out of here, Fiona.” I said crying.

“No. Not without you.” She said, uncertain about what she’d just seen.

Vaas got to his feet he took a step toward me, I could tell he was livid by the way he carried himself.

“You won’t shoot me.” There was hurt in his voice, though he tried to hide it. "You won't pull that fucking trigger."

He was right. Though I was pointing the gun at him, I knew I would never pull the trigger on him, I couldn’t. There were so many reasons why. My hands shook worse as he took another few steps toward me. I was very close to blowing it. If I didn’t do something he’d rip the pistol from my hand. Who knew what horrors lay in store for Fiona and me then?

“You’re right. I could never shoot you.” I put the gun to my own head.

Fiona gasped. Vaas stopped dead in his tracks, only two yards away.

“PUT THE GUN DOWN!” He shouted suddenly. I winced but didn’t obey.

“Get out of here Fiona. I’ll be right behind you.” I said quivering like a leaf. The gun only had steadiness because it was pressed tight against my temple.

“He’s your match.” She said somberly, everything clicking for her at last.

“Then you understand. Go.” I commanded sadly with tremulous breath. My eyes were blurry with tears. My arm was getting tired,the gun felt heavier than before.

She fired up the jet ski and was soon gone. The sound of the motor just a faint echo. I didn’t know how far she’d get, or if she could even make it back at all. I could only hope.

“Your friend is gone.” Vaas sounded unnerving, threatening. “NOW PUT THE FUCKING GUN DOWN!”

What would happen to me now? Vaas clearly didn’t want me dead. I couldn’t imagine that he’d ever let me free again after this. I thought about the bloody chains and shackles in his room and wondered if they now had my name on them. Maybe he’d torture me for defying him. He humiliated and tormented me for my simple lack of hunger. Call me crazy, but this disappointment seemed worse. Maybe it would be better to just end it right now, rather than face a future of suffering at his hands.

“Okay, you’re hurt. I get it.” He said, almost humorously, but he sounded breathless like he was fighting back heavier emotions. “Just put the gun down and we’ll fix things.” 

I didn’t want to die. I didn’t want to be tortured. I didn’t want to hurt him. I just wanted to be free.

“Hey! Hey. You don’t have to do this.” He took a step forward and I held my hand out warning him to stay back with a crazed look. 

“Please. Please don’t.” He pleaded tenderly and my heart ached.

I walked backward till the water rolled over my boots. And I thought about how an innocent day at the beach turned into an unmitigated nightmare. Then I wondered, How fast could Vaas swim? It was a simple question. I was going to guess not very fast. He was wearing some heavy things. So was I, but I was confident I could slip out of my clothes easier than he could his.

He looked at me helplessly. I felt more tears run down my cheeks and I took a deep breath.

“NO!” He cried, believing that I was about to pull the trigger. It must have been relieving to see me throw the gun away and run into the ocean instead.

I knew I could swim faster, but I didn’t count on having to run through the water with huge pants and heavy boots till the water was deep enough to swim in. Running through water was clearly more in Vaas’s skill set because he tackled me in almost no time at all. 

It was a low tackle however. His arms wrapped around my ankles. I tried to pull away from him with all my strength. When he’d lose his grip he'd latch on to another part of my clothing or legs. I knew there were going to be ugly bruises in some places. It must have looked ridiculous watching him trying to drag me back while I kept crawling and kicking away. Eventually he pulled one of my boots off and tugged really hard on the pants I’d stolen. The pants were losing me the war. They were huge and clung to me, making it hard to move. They were also tightly tethered around my waist. I decided that I had to let them go sooner rather than later and fumbled around with the buckle as I kept fighting. 

Finally the buckle came loose and the pants that Vaas had been over-reliant on slid off my bootless leg effortlessly. I bent my leg out of his reach and he quickly held tighter, with both hands to the leg that was still trapped by a boot. The water was making it easy to work my foot out and it slipped free. Vaas looked at the boot in his hand frantically. I smiled and got to my feet trying to make for the deep water.

Vaas tossed the boot at my legs and it caught me in stride. I tumbled back into the shallow water. I crashed pretty hard on my hands and it rattled my broken fingers dreadfully. I cried out and tried to succor my hand and get up again, but it made me slow. Vaas pounced, pinning me underneath him.

His hands were on either side of my face. We both breathed hard from the struggle, looking into each other’s eyes. His expression was unreadable in the darkness.

“You and I have some things to talk about, hermosa.” He said simply.

I nodded, trying to not tempt his fury. I figured I’d already pushed the envelope enough. Now that he’d caught me again, he had me bent over a barrel.

I leaned up on my elbows to prevent waves from splashing over my face.

“You wanted to get your chica free. I get it. ” He continued. “It’s okay. I’ll let her go.”

Some relief washed over me with the waves.

“I’ll let her go.” He repeated, a cold, far off look in his eyes. He pulled out a knife from his belt. “But I’m keeping _everything_ else.”

He lifted the knife up over me and I thought he was going to stab me through the heart. I turned my head away, eyes squeezed tightly closed and whimpering. If this was it, at least I’d done my best for Fiona. At least my suffering would be over.

As I resigned myself to death I felt something very hot drip onto my cheek. The contrast with the cold water made it feel like it burned. I looked at Vaas, he held his left hand over me, something dark was falling out of it. Dripping… He watched it fall onto my chest and then he turned his hand to show me what he was holding. I saw a long, dark gash across his palm. I flinched at the realization. I went rigid, feeling the world spin around me. I closed my eyes and I tried to push back away from him. He held me down with his uninjured hand, his grip like iron. I tried not to look. That’s when he smeared it on my face. I cried out at the heat of it, the smell. I was getting very faint. I couldn’t breathe. I tried again, weakly, to escape.

“Shhh. It’s alright.” He whispered. “It’s going to be okay.”

I crumpled into the cold water, falling into icy oblivion. Vaas stroked my bloody face, smiling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ever wonder why Vaas has a bandage wrapped around his left palm? I did.  
> This chapter's song is "Water" by Bishop Briggs. I'd love to know what songs you think fit my fic.


	6. Closer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harsh realities are considered. Some are more pleasing to accept than others.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So since I last posted I slept. Yay? Ummm... Uh... This chapter is uncomfortable to write knowing that I'm going to post it. (._.')

I jolted awake and immediately began to panic. I couldn’t see anything. When I tried to move my hands to touch my face, I realized they were tied tightly behind my back. My feet were tied as well. I could tell I was in a moving vehicle. Whatever the situation was, Vaas didn’t want me to get away.

I pretended to be unconscious, though hysteria was clawing through my chest like it was a wild animal trapped in my rib cage. When we drove over particularly harsh patches of road, my head would hit the door rather painfully. As if an answer to prayer, Vaas pulled me over to lean against him. He held me gently, my face pressed against his chest, while his arm reached around me. He was a contradiction. He was a ruthless killer, and he liked it. He could be so severe with me, but sometimes he would ease into an unbidden softness that I thought was impossible for such a man.

I was sure that the softness had a limit, however. Certain, his cradling me against him as he drove was the last reserve of civility he had left. When the ride ended, I would see his cruelty with vigor. The thought was disquieting. I needed to prepare to take any opportunity to get away. I would bide my time until then.

“Did you fucks do what I asked?” Vaas said, and I almost jumped out of my skin at the sound of his voice rumbling in my ear through is chest.

“Yeah, boss.” A rough voice answered over the radio.

“I don’t want to see anyone within a 30 fucking meters. Do you understand?”

There was no answer.

“If I see anyone I’m going to blow their fucking head off their shoulders. Do you fucking understand?” There was more malice in his timbre this time.

“Yeah, we got it.” The answer came hesitantly. It appeared like whatever he commanded them to do seemed weird to more than just myself.

I could feel the truck slow and could hear the sounds of men shouting and talking drift away. I assumed he took me back to camp. That would mean the trip would be over very soon. I was right.

Suddenly the truck stopped and I slipped forward and almost off the seat. Vaas caught me. He started pulling me out of the truck and slung me over his shoulder. He carried me off.

The normal sounds of the camp were gone. He’d ordered them to stay away, I realized. It was more than their lives were worth to disobey. Whatever was going on it seemed like it would be just the two of us. My stomach lurched nervously at the idea. I didn’t think that Vaas was shy about anything. He’d probably get a kick out of fucking me in front of his men. Why would he want privacy?

He opened a creaking door and slammed it shut behind him. He walked further and then leaned over, setting me down on a mattress, careful not to jar me. My bonds were left in place.

I could hear him moving around, moving things around too. I was morbidly curious; not being able to see made it more frightening. I heard the sound of a chair being dragged across the floor. Then things fell silent. After counting two or three minutes in my head, I realized that he was probably waiting for me to wake up before springing his horrors on me.

If I remained relaxed and still I could delay whatever lay in store for me. But the anxiety built up in me the longer I waited. Part of me just wanted to get it over with. Nonetheless, I understood that I might have some effect on things by the way that I woke up. He had been gentle, though, as mentioned before, I believed that to be tenuous at best, limited. I didn’t know what he wanted from me or what he wanted to do to me. I could only think of four things that I dreaded most, that seemed most like.

First, he could torture me. I probably was more afraid of this than anything else.

Second, he could kill me. I really didn’t want this to happen either.

Third, he could rape me or otherwise sexually assault me. Not a happy prospect.

Fourth, he could employ some combination of the three already mentioned.

If I had to pick, I think I’d go with door number three. If I “woke up” in a slightly seductive way, perhaps I could increase the likelihood of that outcome, and decrease the chance of the others. It was a sick thing to think about pragmatically, especially when applying it to my reality. It was sickening, but what choice did I have? I was at his mercy. It was likely he’d make sure I’d never leave like Fiona had. A small amount of control was more welcome and comforting than just rolling the dice.

I quickly made up my mind, not allowing myself to think too much more about it. I let out a soft moan, like I was having a bad dream. I couldn’t see anything to know what his reaction would be. I parted my lips and tossed a bit, exhaling audibly. I suddenly breathed in, arching my back dramatically, trying to contort against the ropes in an attractive way. Then I tried to act like I had wanted to in the truck when I first woke up. I wanted to scream for help, I wanted to try and free myself from the rope around my wrists and legs. I indulged in all of it, as attractively as possible.

“That’s enough.” Vaas said after a few moments of dramatic, sexy despair. I froze snapping my head to follow his location with my ears.

“Let me go.” I commanded.

“I let your friend go. You stay. That’s the deal.” He said emotionlessly.

“What are you going to do with me then?” I tried to sound unaffected by my circumstances. I was ninety-nine percent sure I’d failed.

“First, we are going to talk.” He said plainly.

“What are we talking about? Your prodigious knot making ability?” I joked mirthlessly as I tried to free my hands.

“The future.”

I stopped struggling to free myself and waited.

“What was your future supposed to be, Sirenita?”

I instantly didn’t like the question. I didn’t like anything about it.

“What were you going to do with your life?” He asked more urgently.

I just breathed, thinking and simultaneously trying not to think. If I took the time to surmise everything I had lost to my new situation… I would go mad with grief. Even the idea of thinking about it made my chest tighten and my eyes water.

The sound of a gun cocking drew my attention out of the dismal swamp of loss it was mired in.

“I’m not going to repeat myself. Answer the fucking question.” His voice was without cheer or softness. I had no doubt the gun was aimed at my skull.

“I don’t know.” I lied. “I didn’t really think about it too much.”

“Try again.” It was simply stated, but I knew he could tell I was being flippant.

“Why do you care?!” I screamed. “Does it matter anymore?? NO!”

“Why doesn’t it matter?”

“I’m stuck here! I’m- I-” I felt the tears come, and tossed my head back frustrated. The cat was out of the bag. “I’m never going to see my family or friends ever again!”

I had thought that I wouldn’t be able to leave before, but I tried to convince myself otherwise. The connection between Vaas and I… I felt like I might suffocate if he wasn’t near me at least some of the time. If I went away and knew I would never be able to see him or touch him again… I sighed heavily.

“I suppose I thought that when I found my match I’d be fixed. That all the problems I had would go away. I’d be happy and start a family of my own.” It sounded ridiculous to me now. Fairy tale, idyllic and naive.

“What do you mean, ‘fixed.’” He asked, sounding actually curious.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” I said worried that he might threaten me again.

“I insist, Sirenita.”

I grimaced. I didn’t even know how to form the words to say what I felt. I hadn’t been able to do it before I had a gun vaguely pointed in my direction. This was unfair.

“My family… I, uh.”

There was no reply, just patient silence.

“I was a problem for them.”

Again, there was no reply.

“I was angry all the time, and overreacted to everything.” I looked back so frustrated with my ingratitude. “They were worried something was wrong with me. They talked to doctors and I guess there  _ was _ something wrong with me. I went on this trip as part of the treatment for whatever condition the doctors said I had.”

“What is your condition?”

“I don’t know what it’s called but it has to do with going a long time without finding your match. It made me irrational and constantly upset. Well, problem fucking solved.” I sniffed.

Vaas was quiet again. I hated what it could mean. Would he just blow me away in a fit of pique? Would he kiss me? Would I be dealing with the psychopath or the man? Did it really matter when I didn’t think I would handle either?

“Were you going to kill yourself?” He asked and he tried to keep his voice that steady, indifferent in tone, but I could hear it waver slightly.

“I contemplated it. Would death be better than whatever hellish captivity you had planned for me? I didn’t know.” I wasn’t hiding the fractures in my voice anymore. Vaas probably already knew I was going to cry before I did. I’d imagined he caused enough tears over the years he’d be a connoisseur.

More silence. There was a shifting of weight on the mattress.

“Is that what you truly want?” I could feel his warm breath on my face. I flinched when I realized he was so close.

Something pressed against my temple. My breath hitched.

“You want death? Huh?” His voice was low, dangerous.

I pressed my lips together nervously, trying to recoil from whatever was pressing against my head. He stroked my face with his left hand, I could feel the texture of the bandage wrapped around it. He made sure I couldn’t escape the feeling of a barrel against my head.

“If I just pulled the trigger, you’d be happy?” The gun at my temple pushed a bit harder. “A bullet in your beautiful skull. Your fucking brains splattered like shit, out on the floor. All over. Done.”

I didn’t really want to die, I was just tired of tormenting myself and then being tormented by him on top of it all. I tried to hold in a sob, trying to find the words to beg for mercy, but finding no words at all.

“You’d rather fucking end it all than spend one more fucking minute with me.” His voice was hoarse and surprisingly quavery. He might actually kill me. I took a deep, shuddering breath. He pushed against my head, making it tilt awkwardly.

He clucked his tongue in the proxy of gunfire. The pressure on my temple shifted to become a warm, calloused hand holding my face gently. The gun had just been his finger. I was relieved and let out a long breath. He stroked my hair, softly and pressed his forehead to mine.

“I will never kill you.” He promised. Was he telling the truth? Likely it was an artful promise indicating that I’d never escape whatever torments he inflicted upon me. True or not, what choice did I have? I wasn’t going to leave. I couldn’t. I’d realized that on the beach when I tried to escape with Fiona. I hadn’t accepted it then, but I realized it. I was always going to want him, it wouldn’t stop. If I left I might as well blow my brains out. Maybe someday that would be my only recourse, but now… I wanted to live. I wanted to live well. I wanted to be happy. How could I coax that from him? I’d have to act like I trust him. I’d have to stop keeping him as far from me as I could manage. I felt my pride rankle and writhe. If I let him have what he wanted as he wanted, I would be little more than a pet. But I was so tired of fighting. I wanted to scream at my own indecisiveness, justified though it may be.

“I believe you.” I nearly spat the words through my effort. It was true. No matter how I felt about it. I could deduce that if he felt anything like what I felt, he wouldn’t kill me.

“Please untie me.” I said the words as softly as I could manage.

At first I thought he wouldn’t. After about a minute of quiet, he finally cut the rope on my hands and feet.

“T-Thank you.” I hesitated to say the words. I shouldn’t have to thank him for restoring a basic human right.

Before I could pull the blindfold off, his hands tilted my head gently. I felt his burning tongue trace a line between my collarbone and my jaw. Every nerve in my body was beautifully ignited. My eyes fluttered under the blindfold, a loud, astonished moan escaped my mouth. I come to myself with an embarrassed crimson flush on my face.

“You really fucking like that, don’t you?” His voice is a whisper, low and outright carnal. Just like he’d taken advantage of my fainting, he would take advantage of this as well.

I couldn’t decide what I wanted to say, or if I should say anything at all. When he touched my neck, especially with his mouth, it made me crazy. That out of control sensation that would come over me was intensified when he did that. It was a rogue wave that would decimate the already battered shores of my self control. I said that I wouldn’t push him away, but I could only manage that. I still couldn’t let myself go.

He pressed his lip to mine, subconsciously my hands rose to feel the hard planes of his chest. I realized that his shirt was gone. He moaned as I slid my hands around searching for some trace of fabric. There was nothing but the delightful ripples of muscle and warmth of skin. I pushed him back enough to end the kiss and ripped the blindfold away.

I noticed a lot of things that weren’t important in the scheme of things. Like the fact that we were in his shack again and the debris on the floor was gone except for a small pile of familiar clothing hanging on a chair facing the bed. It was quite the change from the last time. 

Oh, and I also noticed the only fabric on Vaas’s body was the bandage wrapped around his left hand.

If I felt flush before, I felt dangerously feverish now. He smiled widely as he saw the realization hit my eyes. I tried to look somewhere else, but he was too close. Why was I so nervous? I knew that this was probably going to happen at some point. I had accepted the eventual reality, I just hadn’t been prepared for it to happen right now.

Vaas moved in to kiss me. I turned my head, still unsure if I should or could do this. He redirected to my neck, undeterred. I was overwhelmed, again, by the spike of heat that extended from his lips the tips of my fingers and toes. I clung to his shoulders panting and crying out unable to contain the sensation.

“Say my name.” He adjured.

When I didn’t he let his teeth graze my skin. The contrast of feeling made me scream.

“Say my name.” He demanded again, looking me in the eye.

“Vaas.” I said breathlessly. I was lost to the riptide of desire and need. I felt his body weight rest over me. My body was taut as a bowstring, but something in my heart had settled significantly.

His mouth enveloped my own and I kissed him without reservation. He was merciless and passionate. I had to fight for moments to breathe. Still I held to him, my hands wrapping around his shoulders, his neck, his head. Tangling in his short damp hair. I didn’t feel like I could get enough.

While he distracted me with his mouth, his hands were nefariously working their way under my tankini. His heated palms dragged the edge of the tankini top upward as they targeted my breasts. I broke our lip lock moaning and forcing air into my lungs as he squeezed them. Unsatisfied, I quickly pulled the top away, tossing it unceremoniously on the floor. Vaas pressed light kisses to my neck and I groaned gripping the sheets as I twisted with pleasure. 

I felt his lips move lower and lower until his fervid tongue circled around a nipple. I gasped, tossing my head back and arching into him. Impure noises and incoherent begging were tumbling out of my mouth without permission.

Vaas took a hand and carefully moved it down my body till it rested at the edge of my waistband. His rough fingertips slid underneath and spread into my soaking folds. All the blistering touches we’d shared before that moment seemed chaste.

I screamed out his name as his fingers began to plunder deeper into my core. I had become aware of insane tension and pressure building within me. It was already getting to a point that I worried I might evaporate into pieces.

He curved two fingers into me, hitting a place that made my vision blur. I grasped his arm with my hand, searching for some kind of anchor as I lost myself in the wonderment of pleasure. My nails bit into the muscular flesh of his forearm.

“Vaas please! Please!” I begged for some sort of release.

He suddenly withdrew his hand and I looked at him with pleasure-addled eyes trying to understand the loss. His face held that same vulnerable but calm look it had when I kissed him on the beach. He looked me over as I breathed in tortured gasps. I looked him over as well. His body seemed to be only coils of hard muscle encased in slick, brown skin. Why hide such perfection under clothing? The sentiment was melodramatic, but I indulged it anyway. 

I was overcome with adoration. I sat up and caressed his face with my hands. I could see the severe scar that ran across his head to his brow. I pressed a soft kiss over it, following the line it made until I planted a slow kiss over his eyebrow. I looked into his eyes. They were wide and pleading, as though he were witnessing a miracle. I smiled and kissed his mouth. His robust arms wrapped around me, holding to me like he was afraid I would disappear. He yielded to my affection, at first. Then quickly took over.

The kiss was now savage; a furious barrage of lips, teeth and tongues. I realized, before this kiss, he’d held himself back. He’d tried to be gentle with me from the beginning. The knowledge of his effort on my behalf was a balm on my soul. I felt completely freed from my previous resentment. All that was left was searing need, I needed him. All of him.

“Take me Vaas, I’m yours.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been told four times in my life that I "ooze sexuality." I still don't know what the fuck that means. The first time I was told that particular phrase was minutes before I was sexually assaulted by the person who said it. Since then I've been uncomfortable expressing anything that could be interpreted as "sexy" with anyone. This chapter was written, at least partly, to overcome that. So here I am, letting this loose on the internet. I hope it's not a mistake.
> 
> This chapter's song is "Closer" by Nine Inch Nails. Most people believe the song is about unbridled lust, something to just bang to. Trent Reznor insists that it's about obsession and self-hatred. Either interpretation fits, especially for Vaas. I'd love to know what songs you think fit my fic.


	7. Yours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dreams so easily twist into nightmares. NSFW.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I'm not good at writing sexy times stuff. It makes me appreciate those who can craft decent love scenes. It's hard. *snork* It's "hard..." God I'm such a dork. *snork* "Dork!" XD Sorry! Sorry, I'll stop.

For a moment I thought my declaration hadn’t been understood or heard. Vaas seemed to be frozen. I tried to clear my vision to look at him clearer. His eyes were boring holes through my skin, his jaw was clenched. 

Instinctively I wondered if he intended violence. I dismissed the thought quickly. His hands were still on me, holding me against him. By the way he held me alone, I would have never thought he was upset. His hands were placid, supportive; a warm comfort against my feverish flesh. His eyes were a different story. Something was turbulent and dark behind them. Pain. He was in pain. Why? Had I said something wrong? Had I done something wrong? Did I hurt him?

Insecurity-fueled questions flew through my head at mach speed. All of them were trying to figure out why he’d stopped our love making just when it’d hit a fever pitch.

I forced myself to breathe and stop asking useless questions that I wouldn’t get answers to. It was stupid, and wouldn’t help anything. I would likely just end up scaring myself and running away, when I was determined to show my trust. Things _would_ be better between us. We wouldn’t keep replaying the cycle of being afraid, running, chasing, being caught, being cruel, withdrawing, and overreacting only to be afraid again. We wouldn’t get anywhere that way.

I would be supportive. If I could. Though I didn’t know how such a hardened, violent man would respond to the clement way I wanted to ease him. Would he reject it? Would he accept it? Should I even bother? After a split second more, I concluded that my indecision could fuck itself, and I moved my limbs into slow, deliberate action. I brushed a hand over the scar on the side of his head, lightly feeling the cockled line until my hand was braced behind his head. I took a deep breath and guided his head to rest against my chest. His body seemed to click against mine like a magnet against metal. I cradled him pressing kisses on the top of his head.

I had no idea if Vaas liked or even wanted this, but the effect on me was just as soothing as I hoped it was for him. I wondered if he could hear my heart beating. If he could, did he hear how excitedly it would be at his slightest touch? Sure, some of the time that acceleration was out of terror, but mostly it was desire.

Vaas just breathed against my skin, almost angrily. I tried to think of reasons why my offering would make him like this. He didn’t seem capable of holding anything in, but he was clearly holding a lot back.

I started with what I knew. He was a slave trafficking murderer. _At least_. I couldn’t imagine that this was his first time with a woman. Though I supposed it could have been his first time with a woman who was willing. I assumed he was immune to guilt and remorse, however. Surely my willingness would only disturb him if he was capable of regret. Perhaps I was wrong? Maybe he did feel bad about the things he’d done. I was still doubtful. It didn’t matter anyway. I couldn’t confirm anything one way or another. And I didn’t feel like having a potentially volatile heart to heart with him while I was topless in his bed.

“That’s enough of that.” He said, pulling away from me.

“What?” I questioned before he pushed me over onto my back. It was a jarring switch in demeanor and one I really should have predicted by now.

He pinned my wrists above my head and I started to breathe erratically, my eyes darted around looking for water bottles or fruit. When I didn’t see any I relaxed a small amount.

“I have a promise to keep, Sirenita.”

 _Promise? What promise?_ I only had a moment to think before his lips were on my neck. I gasped and squirmed under him as he latched onto my tender skin with his teeth. He sucked over the bite, hard. I knew it would bruise, but that made the feeling surging through me more potent. Anyone could look at me and know what he and I had done. He sybaritically tortured the flesh of my neck, leaving more tender marks. I couldn’t take the overload and started to beg him with raving whispers. I didn’t know what I was pleading for exactly.

He kissed me, starting a war with my tongue. He released my wrists and I wrapped my arms around his chest, gripping his sinewy back with my nails. I felt his hands tug down my tankini bottoms until they bunched around my knees. I kicked them off unceremoniously. Now that they were gone, nothing was in the way, nothing was stopping him from giving me what I wanted. As if in agreement, I feel something staggeringly adamant and hot pushing against my womanhood.

“You are mine.” He says accepting my offer before knocking the wind out of me with one strident thrust.

I can’t help but cry out at the sharp friction inside me. He’s inside to the hilt. He pulls out part way before slamming into me again. I can’t believe how thick he feels, I wonder if I’m going to split apart. With each thrust I somehow remain whole, wanting a little more than before. I become aware of the obscene mewling and moaning coming from me. Endless torrents of inarticulate, pleading demands fall from my lips. I scream his name when he hammers into me and I feel that lightning of sensation strike me. Slowly, the pain mellows away, tensity replacing it. Building up, freeing me to move against him. I clench down hard on him, biting my lip at the way his pace stutters.

“Fuck.” He whispers through gritted teeth. “You’re so fucking tight.”

The reaction makes me greedy for more. I lean up, letting my nails grip into the skin on his back. He hisses, slamming into me particularly hard. I clench on him again. He groans out and pants.

“You trying to kill me? Hmm?” He asks a halting smile on his lips.

I smile and kiss along his jaw, till I reach his earlobe. I suck it into my mouth, letting my teeth settle on his gauge. I tug lightly, feeling him shiver over me.

“Fuck!” A long, loud moan escapes him after his curse. I lick his ear and lay back against the mattress, a wicked expression on my face.

He sees my mischievous motives gleaming up at him. He punishes me with a particularly rough plunge. I let loose a loud cry tossing my head into the sheets, my back arching up to meet him.

He grins down at me, the animal behind his eyes is triumphant. He kisses me only for a moment. His lips and tongue drag down my neck to my chest. He sucks and bites at my breasts until his thrusts become more frenetic. He grips my hips with his rough hands and pulls me into the pounding. I am lost, drowning in a hurricane at sea. I claw at him for some sort of mooring. My legs entangle themselves around his waist, desperate to keep him inside me as far as possible.

My cries escalate into repeating his name over and over, faster and faster. The electric heat consuming me must be visible as it arcs over my skin and between us like a tesla coil. My eyes open and I can see he’s close too. His arduous pace increases, he’s holding me so tight, I’m sure the bruises on my hips will have his fingerprints.

All at once I tip over the edge. I cling to him as I scream, my nails leaving long scratches on his back, my womanhood relentlessly crushing around him. It’s only a few seconds later when erupts inside me, he moans, buried in me as deep as he can. 

He collapses on top of me. I automatically enfold him in my arms. We breathe, recovering. I can tell something is different between us, but I can’t define it. It’s a nebulous, ethereal thing.

“I kept my promise.” He says rolling off me onto his side.

I feel exhausted, but I try once again to remember what promise he was referring to.

“Say my name.” He says stroking my hair, then pressing a kiss to my lips.

I realize the promise was the one he made right after his ardent tumble through the bath house roof.

_Say my name again, Sirenita. I’ll get so hard for you. Then you’ll say my name over and over._

“Vaas.” I whisper a content but weary look on my face. He grins and pulls me against his chest. The formidable link between us is satisfied, for now, and I nestle into his embrace. It isn’t long before I fall asleep.

* * *

“Take me Vaas, I’m yours.”

My own words echo through darkness but it’s not my voice speaking them. The timbre and lilt are foreign to me. Some other woman is speaking. I look around for the source. Braziers flame up in the darkness, revealing a broken stone path into the dark horizon.

“Follow the path.” The voice echoes sultry and tempting. “Be the warrior you are.”

“Come, enjoy your victory.”

The voice beckons again and my feet break out into a sprint. I feel strong as my feet pound into the stone, propelling me onward more of the path revealing itself as I go. I should be afraid, disoriented, but I’m not. I’m excited. As I rush along the path, the jungle rises out of the shadows around me. The sounds of predators roaring and screams of prey circulating the air. I am not afraid. I am elated.

 _At last._ A thought that isn’t my own forms in my head. 

_At last._

I see in the distance a stone temple building itself from the void. An ancient stairway connects the path to the temple and I begin the climb. My heart pounds in my ears. The world pulses and ripples like a dream.

“You have proven yourself.”

Her voice is much closer as I reach the top of the temple. It feels like she could be around any corner. I see an altar surrounded by idols and fire. Upon the altar is a dark-skinned woman. I know without seeing her that she’s beautiful.

 _At last._ The thought comes again.

I walk with reverence toward the altar. I notice a pool that encloses the altar platform, I peer into the dark water for only a moment. Vaas’s face stares back at me. The realization that I’m inside his body jars me.

“Take me Vaas. I’m yours.” 

The woman on the altar speaks, revealing that she had been the one who called to us from the beginning. She wears only a tribal skirt and red paint on her torso. Her black hair is shaved on the sides, long and braided on top like a styled mohawk of her own. She gestures with her finger and I feel Vaas compelled to move forward. His fingers itch to touch her, at last. Finally, the pain he’s endured, the suffering, the endless toil, will be worth it. He is a warrior.

She holds her arms out to him, and I feel apprehension and jealousy prick my heart. Vaas’s hand reaches out, touching her cheek. She cradles his hand with her own, closing her eyes. Vaas holds his breath, waiting for something. Something that doesn’t come. 

“Citra.” I hear Vaas say, pleading, concerned.

The woman’s eyes snap open and she glares at him cruelly.

“You are impure.” She hisses shoving him away.

“Citra…” Vaas says again, drawing closer to her once again.

“You will not touch me.” She pulls a knife on him. Her voice, which had been enticing, seductive, was now bitter and disgusted. “You are not worthy.”

The words feel like they are ripping me to shreds. Everything feels lost, pointless. Hopeless. I feel betrayed, lied to. Above all I feel confusion, grief, and overwhelming loss. I don’t understand, but Vaas does. I’m feeling his betrayal, and grief. His emotions.

Rage builds inside Vaas like a wildfire. Unquenchable hatred, hollow pain. His thoughts are charred, black. He thinks of death.

He comes at Citra suddenly, ripping the knife free from her hands. She gasps, fear on her face as he slams her onto the altar by her neck. She pulls at his hand, wheezing in any air she can. He squeezes on her throat harder. Her long legs kick helplessly.

“I’m not worthy?” Vaas laughs unhinged. “I’ve given you everything, Citra.”

She thrashes against his powerful hand, the terror of death in her eyes.

“My whole life, not a finger. Not once. Fighting, killing for you and not a fucking finger! I’ll take my share now, I think.” He says darkly in her ear.

“V-Vaas… Please.” She croaks between throttled gasps.

He can see her face as it was when they were both much younger and the anger of his heart abates just enough for him to let her go and turn away. She coughs and wheezes, sputtering to catch her breath.

“You a-are dead to us.” She coughs. “You are not Rakyat. You are f-forgotten.”

Vaas feels the hatred build again, burning him alive. His pride feels the wound the most this time. That charring, black death engulfs his heart. Burning his empathy to ashes, filling the void with rage. A resolute promise forms in his mind. He’ll make sure that Citra and the Rakyat can’t forget him. Since they wouldn’t let him be their salvation, his name will live on their lips as a curse. He swears it on his soul that he’ll make Citra regret this night.

My heart can’t stand the amount of hate roiling through him. He steps forward and I don’t follow. I feel his rage fade with him as I watch him stalk off into the dark jungle alone. I look back at Citra, holding her throat and still coughing. I feel bewilderment and jealousy. I don’t know who she is but I had a good understanding of the desire that Vaas felt for her.

The jealous feeling condenses as I stand there, watching her massage her long neck. She calls for others to come and I flinch as men in strange garments come to her. 

“My brother has turned his back on the Rakyat. He has fled his birthright.”

Brother?? The word confuses me. Did she literally mean Vaas was her sibling? My mind tries to comprehend in what fucked up world that would be okay. What I witnessed between them seemed religious in nature. A temple, stone altar, idols… It all said ritual. It also screamed sexual. The rite ended before it really began, but I could feel what Vaas did while he carried me with him. He wanted to touch Citra so badly. He wanted more than that, I could feel it pressing in the background. He wanted her love. He wanted his “sister” to love him. But that touch failed him, forever cutting off everything he ever wanted from her.

“He is unworthy. A coward.” Citra stands proudly before her men.

God I hate her. The feeling is so strong and startling. I want to make her suffer in a way that frightens me. I try to yell, refute what she was saying with what I knew. My voice is unheard by anyone but myself. The frustration at my impotence builds and I run to Citra and attempt to physically stop her from spouting her calculating lies. My hands pass through her, making her evaporate into smoke.

* * *

My eyes open, leaving the haze of the dream behind me. Vaas’s arm is wrapped languidly around my waist. I feel his steady breathing on the back of my neck. I twist around to face him. It’s strange to see his face so untroubled, vulnerable and human. I pull him gently closer against me, curling against him. 

I puzzle about the dream. Was it only a dream? Most of the dreams I had were murky, chaotic and strange. There was never a cohesive narrative and everything felt unreal; especially after I’d wake up. This dream was incredibly lucid and lingering. That woman, Citra; dark and gorgeous, but exacting and diabolical. So much like Vaas, only she hid her savagery better. Jealousy knotted in my chest. 

She wasn’t even real and I was jealous. It was stupid. Vaas was my soulmate, even if she wasn’t just a fever dream, she couldn’t compete with what we had. Despite the logic I couldn’t dismiss her. Not only that, but the intimation that they were siblings... It made me ill to think about. I wanted it to be just a dream. The implications of the dream having realistic meaning were distressing.

I realized, again, that I didn’t know anything about Vaas. I didn’t know his past or much about his present other than the brutality I’d witnessed. He didn’t know anything about me either. I just gave myself body and soul to a stranger. It didn’t sit well.

Jealousy crawled back into my mind. Vaas knew Citra. He wanted her _because_ he knew her. He only wanted me because he was compelled to. It was awful realizing that something that comforted me seconds before was now damning me.

I shook my head angrily. It was a fucking dream! It wasn’t real! My fucked up brain was just unloading on my insecurities and worries. Citra was the embodiment of them, a figment nothing more.

“Fucking Citra.” I scoffed under my breath.

Vaas’s eyes opened abruptly, his pupils focused on me.

“What did you fucking say?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bless you for getting through that. I'm hoping that my apprehension is mostly based on my fear of expressing sexual things, and is therefore not awful to read. In case it's actually awful, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. 
> 
> This chapter's song is "Yours" by Andrew Huang. I'd love to know what songs you think fit my fic.


	8. HOLD ME TIGHT OR DON'T

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some backstory, a shower and new clothes bring new problems.

“Nothing.” I lie.

His brow furrows. I swallow and turn away from him. His reaction was all but confirming that Citra was very real at this point. My mind buzzes with what that could mean.

“Who told you about her? Hmm?” He asks like I didn’t answer him already.

I don’t respond. Instead I pull away from him and sit up. I look at the wall feeling like I might explode from the emotions inexplicably firing up inside. Jealousy was the prime suspect, followed closely by utter hatred of Citra, just for existing.

“I asked you a question.” He’s provoked, I hear it. His weight shifts on the mattress. He leans around me, looking at my face. I hide behind my hair.

“How do you know about her?” I feel his eyes on me, wrathful and wide.

I might have said something, but I could tell if I opened my mouth I would only scream and possibly cry, and I couldn’t stand that.

“How?!” He shouts. I flinch, squeezing my eyes shut. I tilt away from him. Vaas pulls my hair out of my face and brushes it over my shoulder. I turn my head away. I’m shaking from holding it all in.

“I know you can fucking speak. How?!” He shouts again.

“How do  _ you _ know her?!” I can’t help but shout. There’s too much I’m holding back.

He blinks at me, his mouth doesn’t open.

“She’s your sister, right?” I’m angry, but not so much that I can’t think to test out the knowledge of the dream.

“Yeah. How do you know my sister?” He insists again, I can see that he’s a bit surprised.

“Wow.” I shake my head in bitter awe. Revulsion churns my stomach recalling the desire he had for her. “That’s fucked up. Seriously fucked up.”

“Citra  _ is _ royally fucked up.” He agrees. “How do you-”

“No. Citra’s a given.  _ You. _ ” I grip the edge of the mattress. “I knew you were- But this? Fucked up.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?!” He yells and I close my eyes with an annoyed grimace, waiting for him to stop.

He breathes in furious huffs. I feel his warm, humid breath on my neck. I cringe and scoot to the foot of the bed.

“What the fuck is this about? Last night you were all mine.” He moves closer and tries to touch me. I slap his hand away. “Now we’re back to this ‘don’t touch me’ bullshit!”

“Exactly. Don’t you dare fucking touch me.”

It was the wrong thing to say. He grabbed me in the blink of an eye, yanking me over, slamming me onto the bed. He held me down by my shoulders. I kicked and flailed trying to get free. He climbed over me and more effectively held me down.

“I’ll touch you when I fucking want to! The sooner you get that through your fucking brain the better.” He stroked my face roughly.

“God! Why are you like this?!” I screamed trying to push him off.

“Me? Why am  _ I _ like this? I’m not the one in complete denial!”

“Oh? What, pray tell, do you think I don’t understand?” I challenged him.

“You are mine.” He said quietly through gritted teeth. “You cannot escape me.”

“I’m not your property, Vaas.” I narrowed my eyes at him. “I might be hopelessly bound to you, but I don’t have to give you a fucking thing.”

He looks like he might murder someone with his look alone. Then a strange calmness envelopes his face.

“Wait, wait. Back up. You fucking distracted me.” He said with a wry smile. “How the fuck do you know about my sister?”

I rolled my eyes with a frown.

“Don’t play games. You won’t like the outcome.” He warns. I believe him.

“I know because I dreamed about her.” I answer, understanding that this is going to be addressed sooner or later. Might as well be now.

“You dreamed about her?” He looked incredulous.

“And you. You were in it too.”

“What did I do?”

It was a weird question to ask. Though, I supposed if he didn’t want people to know about his “relationship” with his sister, he’d want to know what I knew.

“You touched her.” I say it like it’s the worst thing ever.

His face twists through several emotions before settling on his usual predatory intensity.

“I touched her.” He restates sarcastically.

I nodded vindictively.

“It wasn’t the touch, it was how you felt about it. I _know_ how you felt about it.” I clarify and threaten.

“You are acting like this because of a motherfucking dream?” He laughs mirthlessly. “A dream!”

“You wanted her to be your match so badly. She’d offered herself to you, but when you touched her you were just a disappointment.” I’m glaring at him, daring him to accuse me of overreacting again.

There is silence between us for a full minute. It was confirmation enough for me. The “dream” had been a memory. His memory. The vindication of my emotional reaction was taken over by clawing hurt. I could see that I’d done more than hit a nerve with him, but I felt destroyed too. What we had was meaningless, forced. He wanted something more than that with Citra, and the rejection had made him what he was. 

How could I compete with that? She was fierce and beautiful. I was awkward and pale. She could make men do anything for her. I couldn’t even get one man to give me the smallest of things without a heavy cost. Vaas had wanted her his whole life. He didn’t even know I existed until a few days ago. On top of it all I couldn’t excuse the fact that they were siblings. Jamie and Cersei had made Game of Thrones almost impossible for me to watch. Now that it was all but confirmed that he sexually wanted his sister, I couldn’t stomach the idea of him touching me with the same hands he had touched Citra with.

“Citra lied to me. My whole life she lied.” Vaas’s rueful voice broke my train of thought.

“What did she lie about?” I looked away, but I was curious.

“She raised me, you know? At least as far back as I can remember.”

“You don’t have parents?” My posture eased a bit.

“Everyone has parents. Mine are dead, or gone. It was the same for Citra.”

“What do you mean ‘the same’? Weren’t your parents hers?”

He chuckled at me in a tired way.

“No. She raised me like her brother, but it’s been clear to me that we didn’t share blood.”

I could see Citra in my mind’s eye. Other than the hairstyle and tan not much else was similar between them. They had completely different ways of talking. They didn’t have the similar physiology that siblings had. I leaned back on my hands considering.

“You thought she was my real sister? That _is_ fucked up.” He was teasing me and I frowned at him.

“Generally, where I’m from, when you call someone your sister it's as the definition prescribes.” I defended my misconception.

“She was the closest thing to a sister I had.” He nodded and continued. “Things didn’t get fucked for us until she was 13. Suddenly she wouldn’t touch me anymore.”

I furrowed my brow confused.

“For the Rakyat,” He said the name with spite. “Once a girl is old enough, she can’t touch anyone. She’s only allowed to touch her - .”

“Soul mate?” I offered.

“If she’s fucking lucky.”

I was further baffled.

“Matches mean less than shit to the Rakyat. It’s more trouble than anything, Sirenita.” He was making a jab at the trouble I’d caused him no doubt. I rolled my eyes. “Women are given to warriors in the Rakyat or they end up whores. Soulmates only fuck that up, so they aren’t allow to touch anyone except who they are given to. Stops the trouble before it starts.”

I must have shown my disgust on my face because he said, “Citra felt the same way as you. She wanted the ability to free herself from that bullshit and to bring the Rakyat back to glory and power.”

“She got it, didn’t she?” Vaas’s eyes intensified at my suggestion. "The power."

“Yeah. She got what she fucking wanted. It only cost me everything!” He shouted suddenly, but I was too engaged to care.

“What happened?” I smoothed my hand over his fist trying to propitiate him.

“A fucking warrior wanted her. She begged me to help her. So I did. I killed him.”

To hear that Vaas had murdered anyone wasn’t a shock. It was expected at this point. This was different for him, I could see that. It was in his eyes that the kill meant something significant. That wassurprising.

“First time I ever killed.” He rubbed over the scar on his head, like it itched.

“She wanted more.” I guessed.

“She wanted to be a warrior. The Rakyat wouldn’t let her, so she claimed she killed him in ritual combat. I fucking lied for her while she started her spin on things. She promised me, over and over. Fucking promised me that she’d make me a warrior. That I was going to be the perfect warrior, that we were supposed to be together. Fated or matched, some shit. So I helped her make herself a fucking goddess.”

Every muscle was tense and wasn’t looking at me. His eyes were lost to painful memories. 

“The Rakyat fucks, they fell for it, hook, line and sinker. I knew the truth, and I made a choice. I lied and I killed for her so many times. Each time she promised me that she loved me, wanted me. That she was doing everything so we could fucking be together. She was just fucking waiting for me to be her perfect motherfucking warrior. I just had to prove myself to the shits who thought Citra was some holy godsend. The motherfucking glory they wanted back… Stupid fucks.

“After years of bullshit rituals and fucking murder, Citra said that I had proven myself. All the fucking blood and lies were going to pay off.” He laughed rancorously. “I touched her and nothing! FUCKING NOTHING! No magical sparks. No fireworks. No motherfucking hand of God! Then the bitch betrayed me! Called me a motherfucking coward and banished me.”

I had been thinking while he related events to me. Citra needed Vaas to do the heavy lifting to escape her fate of being the property of a Rakyat warrior. She perniciously used him, stringing him along with the promise of a destined soul pairing. Then, when their touch meant nothing, like it almost certainly would, all she had to do was disgrace him to be rid of her loose ends.

“She was getting rid of you. It was her plan all along.” I whisper.

Vaas stared at me in silence. His eyes were piercing and cold. He was trying to kill the pain that was festering in him, like he had for the years since Citra. 

I became aware that every time I withdrew and refused his touch, I was reinforcing whatever fucked up damage Citra had done. Only it would be worse, because he and I were fated together. I couldn’t dismiss it with bad luck or unworthiness, like she had. He couldn’t help but need me and I was refusing him that necessity. No wonder he tried to take what he needed however he could. On top of that, he’d gone just as long as I had without a match, he could have been feeling what I had. Maybe all of that, paired with a complete lack of emotionally healthy support or good relationships in general… Suddenly Vaas’s extremity and savagery seemed to make sense to me. He only knew death, violence, lies and manipulation. He was doing what he knew. Even so, I could recognize that he’d been kinder to me than he had any of his other prisoners. He tried to show that he cared about me, sure it ended up equating to much less than common courtesy in other places in the world, but for him it was a material difference.

I looked at him, a distressed look on my face.

“I’m sorry.” I said quietly.

“Don’t fucking do that.” He warned. I raised an eyebrow, perplexed. “Don’t look at me with your fucking sad eyes and sympathy.”

I had already done that last night. Hadn’t I? I embraced him and offered him absolution, then revoked the privilege the next day without a second thought. I’d betrayed and lied to him. I caressed his face softly. He knocked my hand away and got off of me; keeping his distance. He'd been so reluctant to be without skin contact, his current distance spoke loads.

I was disappointed in myself. I had tried to earn his trust, and I let everything fall apart over a dream. I fucked up. 

I stood up and gathered my tankini pieces, pulling them on. I walked toward the door and opened it.

“Where the fuck do you think you’re going?” He looks more livid than ever. Raw.

“I’m going to take a shower.” I murmur. “Do you want to come?”

* * *

The sky was overcast but I could tell it was early in the morning. The sun wasn’t up fully yet. The pirates had taken Vaas’s distancing order seriously. I didn’t see another person until I entered the building right before the butcher’s yard. Several pirates were sleeping on makeshift beds on the floor. A few were wake. When I walked through they looked like they'd been struck dumb. I tried my best not to look suspicious.

The bath house was much in the way I’d left it last time. It was deserted, filthy and there was a Vaas-sized hole in the roof. I carefully propped my trusty 2x4 against the door and sighed. Vaas hadn’t elected to join me. I was of two minds on the matter. On the one hand it would be nice to have some time to myself again. On the other, he was clearly very pissed off with me. 

I looked into the cracked glass of the mirror and winced. I looked like a wreck. My hair had dried oddly and was frizzy as hell. My eyes were dark from lack of sleep. My neck had so many marks on it I’m sure someone would think I had a weird rash. When I rubbed my fingers over them they ached tenderly. I couldn’t help but remember how Vaas had put them there and felt warmth rush to my core. It was the gateway to that need crashing back into shore. My fingers itched to touch him again. I swallowed it down and tried to breathe it away. 

I turned on a shower and undressed. I was sure I spent too much time trying to clean my tankini. It made me want real clothes so badly. I wouldn't mind a warm shower too. I hung my tankini top and bottom on the nail sticking out of the wooden wall and began combing through my tangled mop with my fingers.

There was shouting and the sounds of activity outside and I was thankful for the 2x4. That gratitude was fortified when someone pounded on the door.

“Occupied!” I said loudly. There wasn’t a further response and I relaxed.

I couldn't feel any more knots in my hair. So I began to rub down my body. As my hands scrubbed I discovered bruises when I felt their soreness. Foreseeably, my thoughts drifted to Vaas the night previous. The way his hands felt on my skin. The way his fingers slid into me. I inhaled abruptly at the memory. I felt like I was burning up, despite the chill of the water.

I wanted his friction inside me again, so badly. I needed it like I needed air. I touched my breasts, trying to persuade myself that my hands belonged to Vaas. I hoped that the lie would be enough to ease the urge. One hand drifted downward until it invaded my hot, wet folds. I toyed with my clit and pushed several fingers into my pussy trying vainly to deceive myself that the effort was his. It wasn’t convincing enough. His fingers sparked with life and power. They were calloused and thick. Mine were soft and much too thin and lacked the energy I craved. Still, I moaned his name as I slowly worked toward an end, imagining all the things I wanted him to do to me.

“Please, Vaas! Yes!” I cried as I finally came with panting breaths. I hadn't gotten my fix, the addiction to his soul still smoldered within me. I wouldn’t find relief in a cold shower. I hated feeling this out of control over my own feelings. 

I finished cleaning myself and turned off the water.  I sighed and closed my eyes. I could see Vaas’s face on the back of my eyelids. Thoughts of the pleasure he could give danced in my head like a monotonous song that wouldn’t stop. Frustrated, I gathered up my tankini, I began pulling it on when I noticed something on the concrete just underneath the hole in the roof. It looked like a mass of fabric.

I was almost positive it hadn’t been there before my shower. I looked down at it, unsure if I should even touch it. Then a worse thought crossed my mind. What if the person who dropped it through the roof saw me, or heard me? I blanched with embarrassment.

I imagined some unsuspecting pirate wandering up to the door of the bath house, just wanting to take a shower. The door won’t budge so he knocks. He hears a muffled voice say something he doesn’t understand. He can see the hole in the roof and climbs up. He’s about to jump in when he sees a ragged, pale woman pleasuring herself to thoughts of his boss. He realizes that Vaas would kill him if he found out. He accidentally drops his change of clothes as he flees.

It was plausible. Frighteningly plausible. I felt my heart hit my stomach.

I picked up the fabric and looked it over, hoping it would make my invented narrative impossible. The first thing I pulled up was faded olive drab pants. I gulped. The next thing was a red tank top with a series of decorative horizontal cuts down the sides and a black skull on the front. Not unlike the clothing of the many pirates I’d seen.

“Oh God. It really happened.” I grimaced.

What the fuck was I supposed to do? I couldn’t leave. This putrescent bath house was my new home.

As dramatic as it sounded, there was some logic to back it up. If it was just a matter of swallowing my pride I could deal with it, eventually. Something told me that if Vaas ever suspected that one of his men had peeped on me he wouldn’t just let it go. And I wouldn’t be able to just stand there and act like nothing happened, not when pressed. I really didn’t want to be responsible for another death. I couldn’t handle the guilt.

I pulled on my tankini and gathered the clothes, prepared to toss them out the door and pretend they were never in the same room with me. I knocked the 2x4 out of the way and opened the door. I was about to fling the clothing out when I came face to face with a pirate. I lowered my arm slowly, unsure how this was going to play out.

He was only an inch or so taller than me, and rather slim for his line of work. He was looking at me with a broad rascally grin on his dark face. He held out some boots and a black canvas belt to me. They looked to be the boots I’d worn before and lost in my scuffle on the beach with Vaas.

“What is this for?” I asked quietly.

“You wear them.” He said in a thick accent.

“Yes, I know what you do with boots and a belt. Why are you giving them to me?” I looked him over suspiciously.

“You wear them with the clothes.” He gestured at the bundle in my arms.

“What?” I was more uncertain than before.

“The boss told me to give them to you.”

“How kind.” I said lifelessly. The pirate pushed the boots and belt into my arms.

“How did you get the clothes through the roof?” I asked lightly.

He didn’t say anything but his smile grew broader and he looked me over lecherously.

_ Shit. _

I slowly closed the door and bolted it with the 2x4. So the reason he was on the roof and dropped clothing through it was wrong, but ultimately my concern was still valid. That stupid pirate guy was smiling now, could he still smile after Vaas had knocked all the teeth out of his head? Then again, what if Vaas didn't do anything? He was pretty upset with me.

I shook my head heavily. I’d have to avoid the truth, somehow.

“Everything is fine. Everything is fine.” I chanted through my head. “No one knows about anything. Least of all me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I let a friend read this chapter and she didn't like it. She didn't like how I demystified Vaas's past. She equated it to knowing the Joker's backstory. Sorry if that is an opinion you share. 
> 
> Citra and Vaas being actual siblings doesn't make sense to me. There seems to be more evidence to the contrary. At least from my subjective, philosophical point of fucking view. So they aren't blood siblings in this fic. Sorry if you had your heart set on it.
> 
> This chapter's song is "HOLD ME TIGHT OR DON'T" by Fall Out Boy. I'd love to know what songs you think fit my fic.


	9. Long & Lost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A grave needs digging.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, the insomnia is back! As a result you get two chapters in as many days. This one is a bit shorter than the others though.

I looked over my new outfit again, smelling it for cleanliness. It wasn’t the seriously good scent of Gain, but it wasn’t noxious either. The boots, on the other hand, smelled like a light mixture of low tide and feet. I wasn’t too happy about any of it, to be honest. Why was he dressing me up like one of his men? What did this mean? It felt like another trap or some other devious device meant to humiliate me.

I put on the tank top and realized very quickly I still had to wear my tankini underneath. It would be indecent otherwise. The pants were smaller than the last pair I’d worn, but I still needed the belt to keep them from falling down. I put my feet in the boots, tucking the long pant legs into them again. When I was finished I looked at myself in the mirror. I looked like a terrified woman wearing ill-fitting, punk clothing made for a man.

Maybe I should have been grateful, in some ways I was. Having real clothes… It was nice. But mostly I was apprehensive. Something felt wrong about it. It felt like I was going to pay for every stitch. I seriously gave thought to the feasibility of barricading myself in the bath house.

In the end I decided to be brave. Face whatever was going to happen with my head up and my eyes open.

When I headed back to Vaas’s shack I felt naked. I was wearing more clothes than I had since I came to this godforsaken place, but I felt like I was exposed. Every pirate I saw ogled me; some jeered, whistled, and cat called. I tried to ignore it, and picked up my pace.

Vaas was sitting in front of the door to his shack. His eyes looked hollow, maniacal. I stopped short of my original goal and looked him over. He looked agitated, troubled. Maybe it would be better for me to give him some more time alone. I tried to sneak back the way I came.

“There you are.” He says enthusiastically. I turn to face him, pretending that I never attempted to sneak anywhere. “There’s my new fucking recruit.”

“Sorry?”

Vaas stands up and walks to me. His movements are a little different than normal. A little off-kilter. His eyes are a little less expressive.

“Let’s go.” He says wrapping his arm around my shoulder, turning me in the right direction. “I have a lot of shit for you to take care of.”

He shoves me ahead of him, his gun is out and I’m completely lost. When he touched me I expected to feel heat and sparks, like normal. I did feel them, but they were severely muted. So much less than what they were before. What could make that happen? I’d never heard of it being possible. My knowledge and experience were limited, but still.

“Vaas? Are you-”

“Who gave you permission to fucking speak? Huh?” He shoves me again and I almost biff it into the dirt. “‘Cause it wasn’t me. Get walking honey.”

I comply and my brain is firing on all cylinders trying to figure out if I need to be worried for my life or not. He’s acting like he did before we touched for the first time. Maybe this was his way of getting rid of me. Either way, something was horribly wrong and I needed to know what or I could die.

He “encouraged” me along, leading me off the compound a few yards. It’s a small clearing surrounded by tall trees. I see two pirates standing around with rifles, they look bored until they see me waltzing up with Vaas. They shift their weight on their feet, straighten a bit. Their faces light up with mockery and look me over carefully; but don’t say anything.

“Hermano, where’s the shovel?” Vaas asks after he halts me with a painfully hard grip on my shoulder.

“There.” The tallest pirate points to a shovel laying in the dirt nearby. I recognize him as the one who searched for me on the jet ski.

“Bueno.”

Vaas steps in front of me. His hand is still on my shoulder.

“You know, we have a game we play with new recruits.” He lets his gun touch my cheek. “Isn’t that right?”

His men cheer and raise their guns, cruel smiles on their faces.

“Normally, we have one of the rejected fucks dig the grave. But you’re here, so we’re going to have some fun.”

“Vaas, I’m sorry. I know I fucked-”

“SHUT THE FUCK UP!” He shouted as loud as I ever heard him, mere inches from my face. 

His gun pressed harshly into the soft flesh under my chin. My ears were ringing and my eyes filled with tears involuntarily.

“Stop fucking crying.” He ordered. I wiped my eyes quickly and avoided his gaze.

“You are going to dig the grave.” He announced as though he wasn’t just yelling at me. His men snickered. “Pick up your shovel.”

He propelled me with enough force that I hit the ground. My injured hand jolted with pain and I groaned through clenched teeth.

“We don’t have all fucking day. Oh wait. We do.” He laughed. His men hesitate for only a moment before their chuckles join his.

I swallowed my pride and picked up the shovel as I regained my feet. I was going to dig a grave? My first question was who’s. My own?

“Start digging.” He instructed.

I didn’t know where exactly to start and I worried that it mattered.

“Are you fucking deaf?! DIG!” He shouted again and I cringed.

I plunged the spade into the sandy soil and started digging where I stood. My broken fingers already making a sharp protest at the endeavor. I tried to ignore the pain.

The grave, as it turned out, was a very large one. He had directed me for how long and wide it was supposed to be. The dimensions reminded me of a documentary I watched on Ebola. There was a scene with a mass grave. Emaciated bodies being thrown into a long rectangular hole. It was going to take me days to dig something like that, by hand, alone. He said it was a game. What part of this was a game?

_I have to finish within a certain time frame, or else._

The thought just popped into my head and I realized that it was likely true. I didn’t know what the stakes were if I wasn’t quick enough, but I could only assume they lay along the lines of torture and murder.

I dug a shallow perimeter and I was sweating like a pig and utterly filthy. I could feel the grit of soil on my skin anywhere I touched it. My body ached with the back breaking effort. I didn’t dare stop or slow down until I couldn’t overcome my body’s need.

When the heat of the sun made me sway a bit, Vaas allowed me a brief break, giving me a few gulps of water. Then he pointed his gun at me and I was back to work. 

“She looks better dirty. Don’t you fucking think?” He said to his men who voiced their hearty agreement. I ignored it and the hundreds of other comments that followed through the day meant to objectify me.

I was panting and my eyes stung with sweat and filth. I was faint with hunger and thirst. I was sure I had the worst sunburn despite the tree cover. I’d stopped noticing the pain in my broken hand which would have been good news if it didn’t likely mean my fingers would probably never heal right after this.

The sun went down and I found myself unable to lift the shovel to toss the dirt out of the large, shallow rectangle I’d managed to dig. My muscles were so shaky and weak. I collapsed to my knees trying to make my legs and arms work but finding them useless.

“You can dig a little more, come on.” Vaas encouraged. “Just a few more.”

I shook my head, I had no words to voice my exhaustion.

“Hey, boss. She doesn’t look good.” One of his men spoke. I found it strange he would be concerned for me, let alone voice that to a psychopath.

“Doesn’t look good? The fuck do you know!” Vaas exploded on the man. “Get the fucking truck. Both of you! Go on!”

I breathed, thankful that the night air was cooler on my tortured skin and lungs. Vaas came up behind me.

“Come on, honey, you can do it.” He whispered. “Just one more and I’ll let you rest.”

I dreaded what his definition of “rest” might be. Did it mean death? Was my time up? Did I lose? The grave was too shallow wasn’t it? I wondered, if I just collapsed, would he be merciful enough to shoot me where I laid or would he make me waste more energy getting out of the hole first?

_I will never kill you._

That promise seemed more and more like a falsehood. Still, resting seemed appealing, death or not.

I tried to stand using the shovel as a crutch. I ended up falling forward onto my hands. My arms shook unreliably. I didn’t know if I could stand, let alone toss one more shovel load. Vaas grabbed my elbow and tugged up me until I stood again. I swayed dangerously.

“Just one more.” He thrust the shovel handle into my weak hands.

I pushed the shove into the sandy earth and tried to pull the shovel up. It felt herculean; impossible. Yet, I tried, for all my life was worth, to lift it. I couldn’t. Instead, I managed to drag the shovel and its contents out of the grave with me.

I dropped the shovel triumphantly. But the next step I took was faulty and I tumbled. Vaas caught me.

“You did so good, Sirenita.” The return of his pet name for me also signaled the return of the vibrancy of his touch. The fire of his skin on mine soothed my soul despite my severe fatigue and intense pain. I couldn’t help but smile when I felt his lips press lightly on my forehead.

He lifted me up and carried me. I didn’t care where. I couldn’t stop him anyway. I let the weariness take me and all was blackness.

* * *

I felt hot moisture on my skin and I jerked awake. Everything hurt, even my hair. I let my eyes slowly focus and I saw Vaas cleaning my arm with a cloth. I couldn’t tell where I was, but I knew I didn’t have anything on. My normal regard for modesty was trumped by my lethargy-fueled apathy. I didn’t care what he did to me or what he saw. I couldn’t expend the effort to move an inch, even if that meant the difference between life and death.

He looked terribly upset, and his touches were gentle and slow. He cleaned off the dirt from my body. When he wiped my face, he noticed that I was awake.

“You hungry?” He asked.

I opened my mouth to answer but nothing came out.

“Shit.” He cursed, bringing a water bottle to my lips. He slowly poured the cool liquid into my mouth and I tried to swallow it all, but a lot of it poured out the corners of my parched lips instead. I panted, the muscles around my ribs burned as I breathed. I wanted to fade into sleep again.

“Not yet, Sirenita.”

He pushed something moist but solid against my lips and into my mouth. I turned my head fearful of what it might be.

“Eat it. It’s okay.”

I chewed slowly and swallowed it down with some pain, remembering the last time I refused to eat what he offered. I didn’t have the strength to deal with that again. Thankfully, I was vaguely sure it was some sort of fruit. I lacked the energy to care beyond the fact that it didn’t seem inedible. I closed my eyes again, trying to sleep.

“Eat some more, come on.” He entreated.

Another piece of fruit was pushed into my mouth and I chewed it in the same manner as the first. As soon as I swallowed he pushed another piece into my mouth. And on and on for I don’t know how long. Eventually, I fell asleep in the middle of chewing and Vaas woke me up.

“Just one more.”

I frowned remembering the last time he said those words. I slowly shook my head, pleading for sleep.

“I’m sorry. Just one more, come on.” He pleaded.

I kept my eyes closed but let him put the fruit in my mouth. I managed to eat it before falling asleep again. As I drifted off, I felt something warm and soft press gently on my lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is an experiment in a lot of ways. I haven't planned any of it. I'm mostly discovery writing. So, I'm not sure how things are going to turn out in the end. It could be neat and tidy. It could be a fucking mess.
> 
> I appreciate helpful feedback. I don't think I said that before. XD
> 
> This chapter's song is "Long & Lost" by Florence + The Machine. I'd love to know what songs you think fit my fic.


	10. bury a friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That grave isn't going to dig itself. Vaas provides his own method of assistance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit longer to make up for the last chapter. I haven't proofread this at all yet. It's probably a mistake. I just wanted to get it posted and try to sleep.

I felt too warm, like I had a fever and was being smothered with heavy quilts in a room set on fire. I opened my eyes. I only had a sheet over my body. Why was I so miserably hot? I sat up and almost screamed at the effort. My muscles were sore from digging, and my sleeping had let them stiffen so that any motion was agonizing. I forced myself to stretch slowly. I moaned quietly from the effort. I was still very warm and I wondered if it was a really hot day outside. The telltale gaps of light in the walls, around the bolted shutters made it seem like the light was waxing or waning. It was either early morning or twilight. 

I was going to stand up, but trying to move my legs caused me to cry out. As if that wasn’t alarming enough, arms came from behind me and pulled me back. I screamed and attempted to fight until I realized how bad that hurt.

“Shhh. It’s okay. It’s me.” Vaas said, forcing me to rest against his chest again.

I was sore, but he was sorely mistaken if he thought I had forgotten why I was in such pain. At least now I knew why I had been so hot. Laying against Vaas’s chest for what must have been hours probably contributed a lot.

I tried to sit up again, he stopped me gently, it didn’t take much to subdue me in this state.

“You gonna face the day already?” He whispered, I could feel his stubble against my earlobe. It made me shiver and then groan from the exertion of it.

“I need the bathroom.” I eventually responded. My voice was hoarse, ragged as the rest of me felt.

He released me with a quiet sigh. I slowly moved to the edge of the bed hoping to find clothes or something I could use as clothing. Surprisingly my tankini and the pirate outfit were folded and resting on the side table. I reached over with considerable effort and my face showed how much my arms ached. Vaas made up the distance and handed me the clothing. I took it and made an attempt to dress. I could feel his eyes on me, and did my best to pay it no attention. 

I started with the tankini bottoms. Trying to bend enough to slip my feet through was slow and awful. My motor functions were restricted by deep soreness. I must have looked ridiculous taking over a minute to position my feet through the bottoms. And once they were in said position, I pulled them up my legs with many heavy breaths and visible wincing. 

After that I realized that I wasn’t going to torment myself by putting the pants and tank top over my swimsuit. No way in hell. Even the boots were off the table as far as I was concerned. I pulled my top over my head and groaned as I awkwardly tugged it down onto my torso. I got to my feet and started hobbling to the door.

“You shouldn’t go out without your clothes, Sirenita.” He said like he was subtly warning me.

“I can’t.”

I halt and take a few steps to turn and face him. One eyebrow was raised as I perceived his guileless expression.

“Sit down.” He instructed.

Literally and figuratively it felt like taking two steps backwards. I shook my head lightly.

“What about your boots?” Vaas asks almost innocently.

“I’ll go barefoot.”

He didn’t argue, he stood. I felt panic at the action. He walked to me and swept me off my feet, bringing me back to the bed.

“What are you-”

“Shhh.” He hushed me, pressing a finger to my lips.

He began dressing me in the pirate uniform. I would have said he was being kind, if I didn’t think that kindness was beyond him. If ever I winced or groaned, he’d ease up, be more gentle. I was amazed and silent. Once the clothing was on proper he turned his attention to the boots and my feet. He gently lifted my foot and I was thunderstruck as he kissed the top of it. Little sparks like tiny fireworks seemed to dance over my toes.

“What the hell?” I demanded, quickly recovering from my shock.

He continued on, tugging the boot on my foot, ignoring the question. He laced it up deftly and moved to my other foot. He lifted it up and kissed it more dramatically than he had the other. I closed my eyes at the sensation and held in a moan.

“Why are you doing this??” I asked more urgently.

He just smiled at me, finished lacing my boot and lightly lifted me to my feet. I could clearly remember the cruelty from the grave digging. This “improvement” must come with a terrible cost.

“Thank you.” I said it hesitantly, looking for the trigger that would spring the trap. After a few moments he reclined on the bed with his hands propping up his head. Then he smiled limpidly.

“I’m going now.” I stated stupidly.

He nodded, “I’ll be here when you get back.”

I limped to the door, feeling like whatever I did would be playing right into his hands. I walked to the bath house anyway. 

As I went I saw several pirates. Some were busy with various tasks. Some just stood with their rifles looking menacing. All of them cracked a smile when they saw me. Some even laughed. One particularly bold pirate mocked me with, “Oh Vaas! Oh!”

It was like grade school all over again. It was apparent that the word had spread about my escapade in the shower. I blushed as I tried to remember how to walk fast enough to put them behind me. I found little success on that front.

When I was in the bath house I avoided looking in the mirror. I didn’t want to see how much damage I’d taken. I didn’t want to see my face, hollow and dejected yet again.

The trip back was much like the trip there. Only more pirates were in on openly mocking me. One even grabbed his crotch and mimicked an orgasm. Such a creative bunch. When I finally put the door of Vaas’s shack between us I sighed with relief.

Vaas was indeed still there. He was sitting on the bed, his eyes were trained on me, watching my every move.

“Come here.” He waved me over to sit with him.

I hobbled to the mattress and sat near him. I was wondering if I should tell him about the way I was being treated. Would he care? Would he laugh? Maybe he had instructed them to do it. As I was lost in the debate with myself, Vaas pulled something from his side table. 

“Open your mouth and close your eyes.” It was a command and it made me immediately suspicious.

“Why?” I demanded in return.

“You will have to trust me.”

“Tall order.” I said with a wry smile.

There was no amusement in his eyes and I worried.

“What happens when you refuse?” He asked bluntly.

Dread washed over me. I knew exactly what the pattern of refusal wrought. I took a few hard breaths and then closed my eyes and opened my mouth. I felt something push on my tongue and I flinched.

“Swallow it.” He ordered.

I wanted to ask what it was, or feel it over with my tongue first. Chew it a bit at least.

“Swallow it!” He shouted this time.

I swallowed with a grimace, realizing it was a pill as it slid down my throat. Rage and trepidation overwhelmed me and I opened my eyes to glare at Vaas. He was smiling viciously.

“What the fuck did you make me swallow?!” I screamed, regretting the strain almost the second I did it.

He didn’t answer me in words, instead he enclosed my face with his hands, brushing his thumb on my cheek. I wanted to scream again, only wordlessly. His skin was almost lifeless against mine. He chuckled at the realization dawning on my face. He quickly kissed me before I could do or say anything else.

I shoved against him. It was painful but I was too worried and upset to care much. I finally broke his lifeless kiss.

“Why are you doing this to me?!” I was crying.

“You are angry. It’s okay to be angry.” He avoided my question and wiped my tears away, then licked them off his fingers.

“Leave me alone!” I cried.

I attempted to put distance between us, but he dragged me into his arms.

“You have more work to do, hermana.” He let a hand meander over my side until he could grip my ass. “First, we have to wait till your _medicine_ kicks in.”

I wanted to hurt him. It was easier to hold on to that violent urge when the connection of our souls felt so thin and feeble. It was like it was dying. How was it possible? This was the second time it’d happened and it seemed to happen fucking quick. One moment he’s setting me on fire, the next I’m concerned the sentiment might become literal. I’d never heard of such a thing.

“What do you think? A quick fuck to past the time?” He asked, but didn’t seem that he had much in the way of consent on his mind. “No?”

“Please don’t do this to me, Vaas.” I pleaded. “Not again. Please. It doesn’t have to be like this.”

“The game isn’t over.” He said and my heart sank. “And you have a fucking grave to finish.”

He kissed me again and I pushed against him, but the way he was holding me gave me very little leverage. I didn’t have much strength to withstand the pain of resisting. I cried as the make-out session continued. I could barely feel the heat of his touch, it ebbed weakly. It felt like I was kissing a dying man. It made me heartsick. At this point I forgot about the how, I was more concerned with the why.

My thoughts drifted between worry about my life, concern for what was wrong with him and the arousal I couldn’t fight. His kisses and touches weren’t the same, but my body was responding to his stimulus on a purely physical level. Even a kiss from a dying man was still a kiss.

But why? He was choosing to make our connection as dead as possible. Why would he do that? So he wouldn’t feel too bad about killing me? Why not just kill me then? He wanted something… or he was testing something. Maybe both? I needed to think about it more, but the sensation of his teeth on my neck broke apart any thought I had formed. He laughed at my expense and kissed me again.

As his tongue played inside my mouth and his hands squeezed me indecently; I began to feel my distress melt. There was a strange numbness overcoming me. It settled in my abused muscle, making the pain fall away from me.

“You feel that. Don’t you.” Vaas broke the kiss and looked me over with a heartless smirk. “It’s time to dig, Hermana.”

\--

He practically pushed me the whole way back to the grave. The connection between us was practically non-existent. There were no muted sparks or fire. I felt no uncontrollable attraction to him whatsoever. Nothing compelling me to be at his side. It was what I’d told myself I’d wanted since I slammed my frail fist on his robust cheek. But I didn’t feel good about it. In fact, I felt hopelessly miserable, like something was dying and I had to just watch it. I didn’t cry but I wanted to. I didn’t express much at all, really. I felt rather locked inside myself, watching like a bystander while something else puppeted me around. I hated the disconnected feeling.

The shovel was sticking out the large pile of dirt I’d dug before. I took it in my hands, but it didn’t quite feel like I had. There were new guards. I was aware that one of them was the pirate who had peeped on me and talked. He looked at me like he had that day nudging his fellow pirate who broke out a lusty smile. They snickered together quietly.

“Get to work. Same deal as before.” Vaas said without an ounce of feeling. I hop into the hole and start labor afresh, hoping that if I had to feel like this, the drug would at least keep me pain free.

My travail was quieter than before. Vaas wasn’t constantly objectifying me. He didn’t say much to me at all. In fact, most of the time I looked at him, he was watching his men with an annoyed but disconcerting expression. The two guards whispered together, occasionally laughing quietly, hushing each other and glancing at me conspiratorially. It reminded me of teenage girls in high school. I wasn’t surprised that Vaas would be put off by his own men acting like giggling girls.

Vaas allowed me a break about three hours after I started, giving me the whole bottle of water this time. I didn’t let myself hope that he was being kind. It was clear that he was distracted by whatever bullshit his men were up to.

“Hey, Benny.” He spoke into his radio. 

“Yeah boss?” Benny answered.

“Come here. I need you to babysit.” Vaas’s eyes hadn’t left the two men. He looked like a big cat about to spring on his prey.

“I’ll be there in a few.” 

Vaas put his radio away.

Benny was true to his word, in less than five minutes he was there. 

“Watch her, keep her digging. Okay Amigo?” Vaas ordered Benny almost absentmindedly.

Benny gave a phony salute and pointed me back into my task with his shotgun. My break was officially over and I went back to my work. Vaas commanded both of his men back toward the compound. I wondered how much he would punish them.

“How did you hold your breath that long?” Benny asks me after probably twenty minutes.

“I-I’m sorry?” I wipe the sweat from my brow and look at him, shading the glare from my eyes and squinting.

“Gael and Tom told us how you dove under the water and didn’t come back up.” He was leaning over the edge of the grave, his gun over his shoulder. “How did you do it?”

“I didn’t need to hold my breath that long. Gael and Tom were idiots.” I said stoically. I returned to digging.

“Really.” He said almost like he didn’t believe me. “I guess you did get Gael, he’d have to be an idiot to get shived like, that by a girl like you.”

I couldn’t tell if he was insulting me or just talking. Either way I didn’t appreciate him bringing up the man I stabbed in the jungle. The realization that my victim was a person with a name should have driven me mad with guilt, but that guilt never made it as far as my face thanks to the pill.

“What really happened then?”

“I dove and swam under the water, under Gael’s jet ski and hid behind Tom’s while they looked for me.” I said tossing more dirt out of the hole.

“No fucking wonder.” He snapped his fingers in the Brazilian way.

It seemed like Benny wasn’t going to say anything further and I was happy. It was hard enough digging. I didn’t want to add having a strange conversation with a pirate at gunpoint to the mix.

“How did you get the drop on Gael?” He broke the silence again pulling his bandana down around his neck.

“Look, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’m digging a grave here. Probably my own.” I said it much less emotionally than I felt it. Benny just looked at me with a “And your point is?” on his face.

I sighed and kept digging. Maybe he’d get it eventually.

“I didn’t see it before, but I think I get it now.” Benny said after another minute. “Why you got clipped with Vaas.”

“Clipped?” I wasn’t familiar with the term.

“Soul bound.” He answered with a wry smile. Then sat on the ground and pulled out a cigarette. He lit it up and puffed the smoke into the air above his head.

“So you know about that?” I don’t sound surprised, but I am surprised. I would have thought he’d keep it from his men as long as possible. “Did he tell you?”

“No, but how could I not know? You’re alive and whole. You aren’t being ransomed or sold. He drops everything for you on a dime. He threatened to cut the fingers off anyone who laid them on you the first night you were in camp. He’s been ‘subtly’ asking for advice on ‘women.’” Benny gives me a sly sideways look. “And I have it on good authority that you want him pretty badly in return.” 

I exhale again, feeling a slight ache in my side ebb into life. This information is interesting but it feels out of date. Vaas was actively suppressing the bond and treating me like the sadistic bastard he was. I was digging a mass grave completely alone, with a shovel for heaven’s sake! Benny’s list almost sounded romantic, but he didn’t see the behind the scenes. He didn’t know about everything else Vaas was doing.

“Again, I remind you, I’m being forced, by Vaas, to dig a grave by hand.” I informed him once more. “I think it’s not as obvious as you’re making it sound.”

“I’ll say. You must have pissed him the fuck off. What did you do?” He stands up and takes another drag. “Fuck somebody?”

I roll my eyes. “I think if I told you about it, he’d rip your balls off.” I joke and it sort of sounds like I’m joking.

“Ah. I get it.” He winks. “Say no more.”

What the hell is this? How could someone this easy going to be a murdering, ransoming, trafficking pirate? He finishes off his cigarette and stamps it out.

A few minutes later Vaas returns. I shovel a bit quicker, noticing a slight pain as I do it. He walks up to Benny who acts like he hasn’t said a fucking thing the whole time he was gone. I roll my eyes again.

“Has she been working?” He asks.

“Yes, Boss.” Benny looks disturbed.

“Good. Get the fuck out of here man.”

Benny leaves and I feel sort of sad. We had a real conversation, didn’t we?

Vaas turns around to watch me and I see that his face has blood splattered on it. I stop digging and look at him. I’m frozen with indecision. I can feel that the pill is wearing off because I want to hold him to me, check and see if he’s alright.

“Why the fuck are you stopping?” He grits his teeth angrily. The way he looks at me is frightening, and murderous.

“Are you o-okay?” I squeak out as I pick up the pace again.

“What?” He questions me loudly and sarcastically. “What the fuck could possibly be wrong with me?”

“Your face… The blood.” I say as I throw some dirt out of the hole.

He just blinks at me for a moment before wiping his face, smearing the crimson on his cheek.

“It isn’t mine. You don’t have to worry your precious fucking head about it.” He mocked me.

I roll my eyes and push through the slowly increasing pain in my limbs. I’m absolutely certain the drug is wearing off.

At some point, unknown hours later, after the numbing effect is long gone and I’m huffing and puffing with agony it starts to rain. I keep digging however. Vaas watches me with a tired look. He doesn’t give any hint that he plans on letting me stop. The drudgery of trying to dig out mud and muck quickly becomes incommodious as the water fills the hole like a pool. I’m tossing more water than earth and it is infuriating.

The rain was torrential downpour and water was about a foot deep before Vaas finally pulled me out of the grave.

“Sorry, the game has been called off for bad weather. It will resume tomorrow.” He announces like a SNL parody of a broadcaster. He tugs me roughly with him. I don’t say anything. I can feel the intoxicating need for his touch rush over me as his fingers spark fire in my hand. He can’t fool me, whatever he did to himself has worn off.

I pant heavily as we walk back to the compound. The humidity in the air almost feels like it’s drowning me. I’m soaked to the bone by the time I reach Vaas’s shack. He pulls me forcefully inside. I enter dripping all over the floor, feeling like a half-drown cat.

I pull my hand free of his and attempt to wring some water out of my clothes. My muscles ache again, but it isn’t as bad as when I woke up. The stiffness isn’t a factor, thanks to near constant movement.

I walk to the bed and try to use it to steady myself as I pull my boots off. Eventually I get free of the soaking leather and set the boots against the foot of the mattress. As I bend, Vaas comes up behind me. I freeze, feeling his groin pressing into my ass. I straighten up and he presses his chest flush with my back. His hands are on my hips, and his lips press a slow sensuous kiss into my neck. My eyes flutter and my body reacts like a rubber band that has been pulled too tight for too long and suddenly snaps.

“I can’t fucking stand it anymore.” He says while furiously undoing my belt and pants. “I need you.”

I reach back and stroke his face unsure what to say. The large pants fall around my ankles. His hands pull the tank top and tankini top up over my head. He rests his face against my neck and cups my breasts. He toys with my nipples, enjoying making me shiver and moan with delight. The lack of desire I’d felt most of the day, abruptly came to an end. I was a quivering mess, arching into his touch. His fingers ran down my torso pulling my swim bottoms down. I reach up and hold to the back of his neck for some sort of anchor. It’s short lived.

He frees me of the last little bit of my clothing. One of his hands glides down my arm, the other slips into my sopping depths.

“Already so fucking wet for me. Eh, Sirenita?” He whispers before bending me over the bed on my hands and knees.

I grip the sheets lower my head down as I hear the jangle of his belt and the rustle of his pants.

 _Oh God what am I doing?_ I ask as my whole body sears with need. _He doesn’t deserve this._

I attempt to break myself of the spell he’s woven on me by listing out his cruelties. I feel his member hot against my core, lining up and all is forgotten.

He rams into me all at once. I muffle my surprise into the mattress. He holds there, letting me enjoy the feeling of being completely filled. I can feel the chilly wetness of his pants against the backs of my thighs. It’s a strange contrast, as his skin is like an inferno. He leans down and presses warm kisses on my back and shoulders. Then he moves again.

Vaas builds a steady rhythm, pumping in and out of my slick womanhood.

“Why the fuck do you have to be so fucking beautiful?” He asks panting, speeding up his movements incrementally. “Why do you have to feel so fucking good?”

He’s almost despondent in the way he asks.

I feel the tension making my toes curl at the addicting friction he grants. I was a panting, trembling heap, clinging to the sheets for dear life as his thrusts got quick and jarring. The metrical sound of our bodies colliding was obscene and I was getting so close to ignition.

“Come for me, Sirenita. I want to hear you sing my name.” He said near my ear after a particularly savage push.

“VAAS!” I screamed as I detonated.

He isn’t able to outlast me for long and I feel his hips snap forward as he groans and crashes into his climax. He leaned over me for a moment, panting.

In time, he pulled away and collapsed on the bed beside me. 

“I can’t fucking live without you.” He admitted with a bit of frustration.

He looked at me, waiting to see if I’d say anything. I wanted to tell him that I needed him too, but I didn’t. It didn't know what the hell he was playing at, whatever dastardly scheme he was trying to ruin me with, but I didn't want to praise him for it. Instead I brush my fingers over the dark, coarse hairs on his chest, wishing that this Vaas could be the one that I woke up to tomorrow, knowing full well I wasn’t going to be that lucky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's song is "bury a friend" by Billie Eilish. I imagine our protagonist and Vaas take turns asking the questions and speaking the lines to each other, especially in the beginning of the song.  
> I'd love to know what songs you think fit my fic.


	11. Scream It Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nightmares reveal a dangerous obsession and other unsavory insights.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've made a playlist. It has the chapter songs, as well as other songs I think fit the story as well. Check it out if you like.
> 
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5vykAn5V1B2TWgchThCCxs?si=b2IzYQS5SxOc7_F946ptiQ

There was a cage, much like the bamboo one that Fiona had been held in. It was a solitary thing in a sea of blackness. I wandered closer to it. I could tell there was something inside the cage from a distance. It was bright and alluring, even though I couldn’t tell what it was.

As I moved further in I could see that it was a person in the cage. Just a few yards more and I realized that I was staring at myself in a cage. Only this version of myself looked flawless, beautiful. I wasn’t pale. I was dazzling. I wasn’t awkward. My every move was captivating and voluptuary. My appearance looked smoothed over like it was processed by a great camera filter.

The trouble was that this "me" was in the throes of despair. She anguished and wept, pulling at the bars of her cage dramatically. However, when I walked up to the cage door she recoiled from me fearfully.

“It’s okay. It’s weird for me too. I’m not going to hurt you.” I tried to say, but no sound came out of my mouth.

“Stay back!” She pressed against the bars to stay as far from me as possible. “You’re a monster!”

It bothered me how fatuous she was. We just had the same face, and I hadn’t done anything to her to warrant being called a monster. It also pissed me off that she seemed to be the perfect appearance of me, without all the awful things I hated about myself. Even her voice was lovely. Was it possible to be jealous of myself?

She slowly stopped her cowering and came to the door, near me.

“Please let me out. I’ll do  _ whatever _ you want. I  _ promise _ .”

Maybe I just knew myself, but it was obvious that she was trying to make use of her charms, lie to get me to get freedom. It didn’t matter to me, I was planning on letting her go anyway. I opened the cage door and she rushed through the opening pushing me away as she went.

“Hey!” I tried to shout, but again I was silent.

She ran down a pathway that seemed to be made of TV static. I followed, hoping that she knew the way out of this dark place.

She ran to Fiona. I could tell because of the gleaming gold bikini. I came closer and watched in horror as my doppelganger clung to Fiona and whimpered against her neck in a pouty babyish way. Fiona held me like I’d seen her hold Will. I was disgusted by the display, and the idea that I would be anything more than her friend. Not to mention the Fiona she was clinging to looked evil. Her face was twisted into cruel, taunting joy. Her eyes were completely black. Her fingers were too long and had sharp claws. These claws slowly raised like they would come slashing down on my twin’s throat.

“Watch out she’s going to-” I started to scream my warning but my silent attempt was cut short by the jarring sound of a gun firing.

Fiona’s distorted face was bent into one of pain. She fell to her knees clutching at her heart. Black blood oozed from a bullet wound in her chest, until she fell deathly still.

“Murderer!” My other self screamed at me as she stood over Fiona’s corpse.

I wanted to defend myself, pronounce my innocence, but I found a smoking gun in my grip. I dropped it like it was burning hot. I  _ had _ shot Fiona. It just happened, I hadn’t had any control over it but it was my finger that had pulled the trigger.

My attractive look alike ran from me again. I pursued, hoping to beg for forgiveness and explain somehow. I watched myself run like a gorgeous gazelle from a predator, until she found another person to cling to for protection.

This time it was the pirate who had brought me the clothing and spread the gossip about my showering activities. He didn’t look like a demon, but he couldn’t keep himself from touching me. The pretty me. I watched completely disgusted as he would rub, grip and kiss on her body. Worse yet she was responding to it. Mewling and moaning with every movement, like she couldn’t get enough. I felt like I was betraying myself, allowing and enjoying something that was so far beneath me. It was so far from okay I didn’t know where to begin. 

I couldn’t stand the fondling to continue so I came forward and pulled me away from the pirate. I was about to scold myself for my lewdness and poor taste when my flawless face fell into terror. I followed her gaze and saw that the pirate had a machete hacked halfway through his neck. The hand that held the machete was mine.

I tried to scream and let go of the machete but my hand wouldn’t relax. It had a death grip on the blade. Slowly slicing through the flesh, until the pirate’s horrified face was lifeless and his head tumbled downward. I tried to recoil, turn away or close my eyes, but I couldn’t get my muscles to do the actions that I wanted. 

My doppleganger fled once more. This time my feet carried me quickly after her. She ran, glittering tears drifting behind her. She reached out to a stranger I didn’t know and the machete in my hand quickly dispatched her potential help into a bloody heap. The next person she ran to shared the same fate. On and on. Until a long bloody trail of corpses was behind me and my twin just lay in the darkness sobbing.

As if I wasn’t frightened or confused enough, my body moved to pick her up, something I was sure I wasn’t strong enough to do. Nevertheless, into my arms she went. She felt light and fragile. What gave me pause was the sensation spreading across my skin. It was strangely cool and smooth. It felt like I could finally breathe, and I didn’t know how much I’d been suffocating before.

“Let me go!” She begged, weakly struggling against me. “Please! Just let me go.”

“Never. You’re mine.”

I mentally flinched. That voice wasn’t mine. It was Vaas’s. 

Alarmed, I looked at my hands and arms more closely and realized that I was back inside Vaas’s body. I tried to step out of him, like I had before. I couldn’t, I was locked in the prison of his flesh. He returned her to a cage, this one was stronger and made of steel.

After he locked it tight, he stood guard, attacking anyone who came anywhere near the cage or who was in it. Hundreds of nameless and faceless people approached only to be brutally hewn down with his machete. I tried not to look, but I could feel as the blade connected through the flesh and it harrowed me. My twin voiced our shared wish for him to stop, but he ignored her.

The bodies piled up until it was like a perimeter wall of marred fleshed and gore. A further barrier to keep her in. Finally, she crumpled to the floor of the cage defeated. She sobbed, but her radiance or beauty didn’t diminish. 

“I wish it never happened. I was better off alone. Why did it have to be you?” My look alike whispered through her pathetic sobbing. “Why couldn’t it have been anyone but you?”

I had thought each of those sentiments multiple times since we were bound together, starting immediately after connection happened. They had been honestly felt, and I didn’t think I should feel guilty for them, especially when he seemed to go out of his way to reinforce them. Still, guilt consumed me.

Vaas was staring at her through the bars. I could see exactly where he was looking and what he thought and felt about it. It made me embarrassed to be the focus of such lust. Everything I didn’t value about my physicality, he found ravishing. In every sense of the word. Horrendous need burned within him. I could feel it, it was worse than my own need for him had ever been. It felt like he couldn’t breathe without me. It tempered pity in me. To need something so badly but to be refused it… That was true cruelty, wasn’t it?.

“You are a monster. I could never love you!” My voice was almost humorously dramatic, but Vaas took it very seriously.

I could feel something dark and painful twisting up in my chest, in Vaas’s chest. It felt like the hollow ache of a broken heart, but more striking and sharp. It was being fueled by that denied need.

“Careful what you fucking wish for.” His quiet voice sounds broken with emotion, but hateful all the same.

* * *

My eyes opened and focused on the room around me. It had been another nightmare. I was on the bed, naked like I had been when I fell asleep. Vaas was nowhere in sight.

_ Thank God. _ I thought. I wasn’t in the mood for complicated and dangerous antics at the moment.

That nightmare… It was obvious that it was how he saw me. With my waking brain, I couldn’t help but feel flattered that he saw me as some beguiling beauty. However, the dangerous obsession he had… He was hopelessly addicted to me, that much was clear. The dream seemed to indicate that he would do anything to keep me to himself. It was terrible to imagine what horrors he would inflict on anyone who came too close to me.

If the dream was as revealing as the last, it was obvious he’d hated Fiona; looked at her like a baleful she-demon and romantic rival. I was upset when I saw that she had continued to be mistreated after I told him that I wouldn’t give into him because of it. It would make sense that he wouldn’t help her, if he viewed her as he had in my dream. He’d want her to suffer for his jealousy. I’d imagined that my withholding anything resembling affection wouldn’t help things.

The next victim that I’d run to in the dream was that pervert of a pirate who’d spied on me while I’d showered. I had absolutely no intention of doing anything that could even be remotely sexual with that guy. The very idea was nauseating and creepy. Still, for some reason Vaas had made my involvement with that jerk worse than with my best friend. Maybe it was the way he was looking at me when I dug? To be so violently inclined toward someone who just looked at me wrong… I didn’t know what I could do about that. I couldn’t stop people from staring or having inappropriate expressions.  The only way that I thought I could manage it was if I never interacted with another soul. But that’s where I ended up in the nightmare right? Locked in a cage, sobbing, while Vaas made sure he was the only one who could be near me. 

I shuddered at the idea. He hadn’t resorted to a cage in reality, yet. I had to do something to keep it that way. But what could I do? He was playing a crazed bi-polar game with me. I didn’t understand the rules or the reasons behind it. Only that he was determined to show me cruelty.

I sighed wearily and looked around the room. It was much as it ever was. However, on the side table were some brown, almost potato-looking things I didn’t recognize, a bottle of water and a round, white pill.

I picked up the strange potato. It had a stem like a pear would and it smelled sweet. I made an educated guess that it was exotic fruit, meant to be eaten. My hunger was particularly convincing on this point. I braved a bite into the thin skin. It tasted like brown sugar or honey. I didn’t care for the skin, but it was easily gotten over. I ate greedily, disregarding the soreness in my hands as I pulled the tan flesh free of the skin. 

When the fruit was completely manducated, I turned my attention to the water and the pill. I opened the bottle and drank the water as I puzzled over the pill. What was it? Aspirin? Ecstasy? Cyanide? Was it what he tricked me into swallowing last time? With everything that happened, I figured I’d avoid whatever it was altogether. I didn’t want to feel that disconnected and out of control ever again. Even if it meant that I would break from the pain, I’d rather feel something.

I stood up once I’d finished most of the water bottle. It felt good to stand and stretch a little, but also it felt like the worst. Gravedigging was breaking my body down, and I felt it. 

I was wearing pirate clothes again. My boots were neatly beside the bed. Neither were caked in mud, like I’d assume they would be. I wondered if there was a washing machine or a launderer in the compound somewhere. I had a very hard time believing that Vaas would expend the time or effort to do it himself.

Imagining him toiling to please me was hard to picture, still it got me to thinking about all the trouble he was going through to keep me guessing. Why did Vaas push me to dig it so cruelly, then take care of me so kindly? It was fucked up and very confusing. Was this some Stockholm syndrome bullshit? Why would he bother with it? I was already bound to him, I wasn’t going anywhere. Something like that, messed up like it was, seemed redundant and ultimately pointless. Beyond that, the memory inspired fear and loathing in me, not obligation or affection.

Was that his game? To make me hate him enough that I’d do something drastic? He couldn’t kill me, but I could kill myself? That didn’t seem right either. Why was this soulmate stuff so hard for me? Why did I feel like I was going about this all wrong? Why did it feel like I was doing everything the hard way?

I really needed to pee, I realized. It was time, once again to visit the most happening place in the compound, the bath house. I set aside my troubles for now and put my boots on.

The trip to the bath house was mostly uneventful. I didn’t see Vaas, but I saw a lot of pirates. They didn’t jeer at me or whistle at me. They seemed determined to ignore me. Though I could tell that indifference was heavily strained with fear. What had changed to make things go from open mockery to fearful avoidance?

When I approached the bath house, several men were standing around the doorway, some were smoking. When they saw me coming they quickly shouted inside and a few more men came out of the bath house hastily. None of them met my eye as they practically ran from me. I was nonplussed.

Had Vaas put the fear of God in them? Was that what this was? Benny had mentioned that he threatened to remove any fingers that touched me. Maybe he threatened to remove any eyes that looked at me? It was a grim thought, but one that fit in with the obsession I saw exemplified in the dream.

I tried not to think too hard about it. I went into the bath house instead of dwelling.

After I finished with the toilet, I washed my hands, noticing that the bandage on my broken hand had been replaced. The fingers were straight, not mangled like I was certain they would be. And I was terrified about it.

The bottom was going to fall out any moment. I was either going to wake up from my delusion to find my reality a horror, OR I was going to have every good thing callously ripped away. It was only a matter of time, a short matter of time. It was clear that all Vaas’s kindness came with a steep price. What would it be this time?

I headed back to the shack, unsure of what else I could do. I was limping a bit, though the soreness in my muscle had worked out a little with use. Still, I couldn’t find my natural gait, the pain was manageable but made every movement feel odd.

“Hello.”

Vaas’s voice came out of nowhere and I wheeled around to see him smiling in that devious playful way that made me anxious. The sudden jerking motion I made caused my body to hurt and I winced. He furrowed his brow when he saw my pain.

“What is this?” He gestured up and down at me. His expression was serious. “Are you hurting?”

I wasn’t sure what I should say or feel. Part of me wanted to austerely remind him of the grave I was digging. The one he made me dig with only shovel and the strength of my arm. Another part of me worried about admitting that I suffered at all. Like telling him would allow it to continue. Validate it somehow. I determined that silence was the best option.

“Didn’t you take the pill?” He demanded an answer.

Realization dawned on me that I’d unwittingly refused him again. I backed away from him like a spooked deer.

He seemed to pick up on what my actions indicated. His eyes narrowed at me, flashing with ravening potency.

“You didn’t fucking take it.” He announced his conclusion like he was scolding me. “You should take your medicine. Doctor’s orders.”

He took a step toward me and I bolted away. My movement was stiff but panic driven. I almost got back to the bath house before he caught me in a rough tackle.

“Why you always gotta make me run?” He said as he turned me over and dragged me to my feet.

“Please don’t Vaas.” I pleaded. “Please. I don’t want it.”

He pulled me over his shoulder, and I cried out from the pain.

“If you’d just been a good niña, taken your medicine, you wouldn’t be fucking hurting right now.”

His skin felt assuaged again. Less alive, more faded. I felt that panic grow in me. I still didn’t understand why he felt this way. Maybe he was taking the drug too? I did understand that his behavior was more churlish, and brusque the less stimulating his touch was. I probably should have been formulating theories or otherwise doing something to help myself. All I could do was quiver in dread of what he’d do next.

“I think maybe you like pissing me the fuck off.” He said casually as he walked into his shack.

“No! I really don’t! Just tell me what you want!” I begged.

He tossed me carelessly onto the bed. He walked to the side table and I scrambled to get off the bed and away. He caught my foot and wrenched it toward him. I dragged my sore hands through the sheets, trying to stop him from pulling me closer. I was consumed with terror. Not of the pill he would shove down my throat, though it certainly added to the motivation behind the struggle. For some reason I couldn’t stand the idea of him touching me with that dead feeling again.

“I let you sleep too fucking long. You have too much fucking energy.” His hands struggled to hold my thrashing legs. 

I landed a good kick to his abdomen and he let go of me with an aggravated moan. I crawled as fast as I could to the foot of the bed, fully intending to run somewhere, anywhere. The destination wasn’t yet determined. Then I heard a gunshot. It was so loud and rattling I screamed and fell on the floor unsure if I’d been shot or not. It took me a moment to run a diagnosis and establish that I was free of bullet holes.

“Get your fucking culito over here. I’m through with this bullshit.” Vaas had his gun pointed at me.

I remembered that look in his eye, right before he plugged his own man in the jungle. I was staring that look in the eye right now. I was completely convinced that he was going to shoot me if I didn’t obey properly. I used the bed to help me up. Vaas motioned for me to sit on the bed in front of him. I did.

“Open wide.” He smiled fiendishly.

I opened my mouth and he placed the pill very deliberately on my tongue. I could taste a little of the chemical bitterness of it. He pressed the water bottle to my lips and started to tilt it. I closed my mouth and maneuvered the pill under my tongue just before the water touched my lips. When he was satisfied that the pill must have been washed down my throat he pulled the bottle back.

“It’ll feel better now.” He stroked my tousled hair out of my face and I recoiled again at the lack of sensation.

His hand settled underneath my chin and he tilted my head back to look in my eyes. I squirmed and didn’t meet his maniacal gaze. He frowned.

“Open your mouth.” He said almost calmly. My eyes widened. I pulled my head away. He snapped his hand forward and gripped my face roughly. “Open your fucking mouth.”

I hesitated and he pressed the barrel of his gun to my forehead. I opened my mouth without further protest.

“Lift your tongue.”

I winced but slowly complied.

“I fucking knew it!” He shouted angrily.

He crouched down so that he was eye level with me, and he waited for me to return his stare.

“This is how it’s going to go. You’re going to put that fucking pill on your tongue and hold your sexy little mouth open. Understand?”

He waited for me to comply, not loosening his grasp on my jaw. I flipped the pill back up on top of my tongue. I saw him falter as he watched my tongue move, there's a heated look in his eyes. He tilts my head up and I start to let my mouth close naturally.

“Ah ah ah. Keep it open, Hermana.” He scolds rubbing the tip of the gun barrel on my face. 

I close my eyes, but keep my lips parted. The pill is about to fall to the back of my throat, I cradle it with my tongue to stop it. He pours water into my mouth and the pill is swept away with the water down my throat. I swallow, a tear rolls down my cheek. It might as well be poison, and it may have been for all I know.

“That’s right. Let it go down.” He strokes my face almost lovingly.

He kisses me and I feel like I’m kissing a corpse with how dead it feels. When I try to stop him, he pushes me back and climbs over me, making the kiss more intense. I feel sick. His tongue sweeps into my mouth and I mewl despairingly.

“Please let me go.” I asked as submissively and sincerely as I could once the kiss broke.

“Those your favorite fucking words?” His face fell from wicked glee to tedium in no time flat. I shook my head urgently trying to disassociate myself with the me I saw in the dream. “They must be, you say them all the fucking time.”

I attempted to crawl backward, out from under him.

“Let me help you remember. You. Are. Mine.” He moved his knee between my leg and held me by the hip, stopping me from crawling any further. “Say it.”

I shook my head. I didn’t want the cage. I wouldn’t walk into it willingly.

“SAY IT!” He shouts pointing the gun at my face again.

“I’m y-yours.” I rasp.

“LOUDER!”

“I’m yours!” I shout.

“Prove it.” He smiled in a black-hearted way.

_ WHY?? WHY IS THIS SHIT HAPPENING TO ME?? _

The idea of him touching me right now was reprehensible. Making me touch him? The universe was a degenerate son of a bitch who wanted every decent part of me destroyed.

“Like you showed Kulon.” Vaas suddenly adds.

“What?” I had no idea who the fuck Kulon was.

“I heard the pendejo bragging about how he saw you. I want to know exactly what that fuck saw.”

I realized who Kulon was. He was that degenerate perv who peeped on me. I’d worried that I would give everything away and endanger him. The idiot outright told Vaas? There’s no helping that kind of stupidity.

“I didn’t show anyone anything.” I corrected him. “I’m not like that.”

“I want to see it. Now.” He didn’t sound like he believed me. “ _ Exactly _ like he saw.”

I felt my face redden with ignominy, yet again. He moved off of me and stood by the edge of the mattress. I swallowed, but my mouth was dry. 

“I was in the shower.” I said hoping that the difference in location would absolve me of having to proceed.

“You don’t need a shower to show me.” He pulled his gun out again. “You can do it, come on.”

I grimaced coming to terms with the complete, harrowing mortification I was about to face. 

“You don’t understand. What he saw wasn’t-”

“Show. Me.” He interrupted my attempt to explain with his gun in my face.

I winced and gritted my teeth with acrid resolution.

I started by kicking off the boots and pulling the belt free of the belt loops. I tugged the tank top off and tossed it away. The pants came off next. I undressed as slowly as I could without making it obvious I was stalling. Any amount of time I could gather before I died of shame was welcome.

As I started to pull my tankini top off, I spared a quick look at Vaas. He was watching me without the hint of a smile. His eyes followed the movement of my hands with unsurpassed focus. He was enthralled. I remembered how he leered at me in the nightmare. Everything I did, however slight, instilled something raw and sexual in him. I could only imagine how unbearably tempting my stripping was. Or perhaps it meant nothing to him, whatever he did deadened our connection. Perhaps it made him resistant to my wiles.

The tankini laid on the sheet and I was blushing furiously. My face felt like it might explode from the amount of blood rushing to it.

I frowned as I yanked my bottoms off, letting them fall to the floor at his feet. My thighs were pressed tightly together, my knees were bent. I tried to hide my bits from view with my feet.

I had been naked in front of him a few times now. I never felt as awkwardly exposed and vulnerable as I did in that moment. No matter how I thought I would proceed it felt foolish and humiliating. I would have thought to make it quicker and less involved than it was, but Vaas had been told about it from an eye witness. I didn’t know how detailed that witness had been. If I deviated, even a little, he might know it and get more upset. Maybe upset enough to pull the trigger or torture me.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, trying to forget that I was performing for an audience. I imagined Vaas touching me. The Vaas who filled me with passion and fire. Not this fallen, monstrous man that felt like death standing a few feet away.

I let my hands drift down my chest, picturing Vaas fondling my bosom and mimicking the motions he made. The wave of hot need rolled into me, he was only a few feet away but I still wasn’t satisfied. My lips parted with a deprived sigh. Again my own fingers and hands were not enough. I was aroused, I could feel the dampness forming between my legs, but I wasn’t getting what I really wanted. It was frustrating.

I furrowed my brow in disappointment but continued on. I let a hand drift downward and push between my clenched thighs. I was reluctant to let them fall open, still keenly aware that I had a witness. Moving my fingers through I touched slick heat and plundered into my core, like I remembered Vaas doing before. It felt good, but not enough. I pumped into myself more roughly, trying to achieve that sparking friction. I failed. 

I rubbed my clit with my thumb and the sensation made me moan and breathe deeply. I fondled my breast and over my hard nipple with my free, broken hand. I could feel the tension building, even if it wasn’t the tension I remembered and needed.

I started to forget about my vain attempts at modesty and my thighs fell open as I drifted into the consuming fantasy of Vaas taking me, torturing me with pleasure. The edge was in sight. I was getting close. I tossed my head and moaned loudly, panting erratically.

"Please, Vaas! Yes!” I remembered my cry from the shower and called it out once again, breathlessly.

Just before I could crash through my disappointing climax I felt foreign fingers invade my womanhood. I all but screamed at the sudden, unexpected intrusion. My eyes shot open and my thighs tried to close tight once more, but I found Vaas was in the way.

His face was mad desperation, but his touch was still devoid of energy. He tried to work me back toward my lost orgasm. His hands felt better than my own had, but my shock and disappointment had erased most of my progress. 

Undeterred, he curled his fingers inside me coaxing another long moan from my lips. He stroked over my clit and my thighs shook, spreading open for him. It was easier to convince myself that Vaas was making love to me, because he was. But my need was far from fulfilled. It was like breathing thin air. Every so often I would feel that spark of heat in his skin, but most of it was dull.

After a few moments I was climbing back up to the zenith. I moaned and mewled over and over, wordlessly begging for more. My fingers bunched up the sheets in my fists. Vaas leaned down and kissed me, drinking in my cries. Invading with his tongue like he had his fingers. I was primed for combustion, before it suddenly started to fall flat.

I was confused at first, then I remembered the pill. The numbness was drawing over my body again. Vaas’s already diminished endeavors were now pointless. All sensations of pleasure dropped from me like the suffering the drug was meant for. I could have laughed at the irony, but I found I didn’t care to emote anything.

“NO! FUCK!” Vaas roared when realization struck him. “Not yet!”

He tried to throw more effort into it. He kissed me again and it felt more like I was watching him kiss someone else. He even tried to pleasure my neck but found I was unmoved. All feeling was humdrum and unstimulating.

He withdrew from me completely, running his hand over his scalp, irritated. I could see the tightness in his trousers. His little game backfired on him.

I was content to just lay limply on the bed and stare at the rusted ceiling. If this was the same stuff from yesterday, I could tell the dose was higher this time. Yesterday I could think and feel emotions, I just kept them in. I wasn’t feeling anything today, I had no ambition or motivation to do anything. Nothing I’d ever felt was worth the energy, except sleep.

Vaas stared at my vacant face with distress. He could see I was lost to the drug and he kicked his side table out of frustration. The contents fell out of the broken drawer, and disappeared onto the floor.

“SHIT!” Was the last word I heard before I closed my eyes and slept.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that dreams/nightmares are overdone. In this case I hope for an exception as an homage to the hallucination sequences of the game. And writing weirdness is fun. ;P
> 
> I think this is the longest chapter thus far. Hopefully it isn't the most boring...
> 
> This chapter's song is "Scream It Out" by Ellie Goulding. I'd love to know what songs you think fit my fic.


	12. Descontrol

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let's meet new people, make new friends and take an uneventful, romantic jog with our soulmate through the jungle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ella mordió el anzuelo.

I woke up, but I wouldn’t say I was really all that awake. I was groggy as all hell. Shredded. I would never take another mystery pill. Never. Vaas could threaten, and suffocate all he wanted. It wasn’t worth it.

My limbs were sluggish and weak, my eyes were exceedingly blurry. I could tell that I was in the shack, barely. Most of that knowledge was based on logical assumptions rather than visual acuity. I was still in bed and I thought I could see the light streaming through the bullet hole in the roof. And if the pattern held true, when I would lose consciousness, this is where Vaas would bring me. Since I was already here when I fell asleep, it would make sense for him to leave me where I lay.

I tried to sit up but I was too weak still. I laid back and tried to blink my blurriness away instead. It was probably better not to move until I could see anyway.

As I lay there, I couldn’t help but review _everything_ . The dreams, the fights, the struggle for control, the need, the loss, the obsession… everything. I hadn’t had much time to process things on my own. I’d pretty much just reacted to everything as it came. That wasn’t getting us anywhere. Well, it wasn’t getting _me_ anywhere I actually wanted to be.

Thinking about everything I realized that I’d felt helpless, powerless. I wanted to change my circumstances, I wanted things to be different, but I hadn’t believed I had the power to change much. Not even to change myself.

That wasn’t the case was it? Logically, it couldn’t be. Vaas’s dream had shown me that I had great power and it scared him. His obsession was based in terrible need. He needed me, and I could give him so much or take away everything with the smallest gesture. So far I’d only with held from him, driving him to the point that he would just take what he wanted. That was just causing things to be crazy and bad and horrifying.

When he was at the wheel of our relationship he proved that he would crash us into the nearest iceberg just to have me cling to him in terror for a few moments. Not the best captain for the job. How could I get to the helm before the next scheduled sinking?

 _Getting rid of the gun would help._ I snickered to myself. I hated that thing. I hated knowing that Vaas would and did use it to murder and maim. I wondered what would happen if I demanded that he take it off before he touched me next? Imagining the “colorful” possibilities would have been entertaining if I wasn’t certain that they were real possibilities with a scary high chance of happening. Though the beginnings of a prurient idea began to form in my mind. Then I pushed that idea aside for a later date and had a better one.

My vision was slowly clearing and I could make out what things were. I still couldn’t sit up, so I rolled over to the edge of the mattress.

From what I could make out, the side table was in pieces on the floor, though there was more debris than what could have come from just the table alone. I squinted, trying to force my eyes to focus properly. After a bit I could see that amongst the splintered wood was some curved pieces of broken glass, a roll of bandages, rusty scissors, an old spoon, and a bunch of empty little baggies and various other knick knacks.

I wasn’t an expert, I wasn’t a drug user. My knowledge primarily came from watching TV and movies. Nonetheless, I could put two and two together. Vaas was using. Perhaps that was how he overcame our soul bond. It made sense to me, though technically I had no proof and I didn’t want any.

I felt like I should have been upset, angry. All I was was sad. I felt that urge to comfort him again. Like if I held him all that damage would evaporate. It was naive and not realistic. Doubly so because Vaas wasn’t just any addict. He was the violent and murderous sort.

I sat up with some difficulty and started searching out my clothes. They were scattered about the mattress and floor. I found everything except my tankini bottoms. I was sure I’d just let them drop to the floor, but they weren’t anywhere to be found. I’d have to go commando, in a manner of speaking. I fretted over the odd feeling, but ultimately I was happy to feel something.

I put my boots on and was determined to find Vaas and talk about some things. Really talk. No bullshit scare tactics or emotional avoidance. It was my only real course of action. Unless I wanted that nightmare to come true… Which, of course, I didn’t.

I stretched my body a bit, pleased to find I wasn’t nearly as stiff or achy as before. Maybe the drug was still slightly effective. I then left the shack and walked in search of Vaas.

“Excuse me!” I shouted to some pirates who were smoking and talking in a small courtyard. They stiffened and looked at each other with concern, then started walking away. I continued begging for a moment of their time.

“I just want to know if you’ve seen Vaas.” I said as I practically ran after them. They broke out into a run when I got too close. I stood, watching them flee, with a blank expression on my face. What was this? Bizarro world? I’d hypothesized they were avoiding me, but I thought it was more of a soft core avoidance. That if I directly addressed them, they would respond. This was just crazy. I got the feeling that I was working with incomplete information… And that I wouldn’t like it when I filled in the gaps eventually.

I walked around the camp searching, not only for Vaas, but for any pirate who wouldn’t just run away. I felt like I was a leper or had the cheese touch or something. This was ridiculous and I laughed exasperatedly as I watched two particularly large pirates run from me, a girl who was maybe a quarter of their weight, like I was radioactive.

I turned a corner and came to what I would assume was formerly a town square. There were a bunch of pirates standing around.

 _Jackpot._ I thought, until one of them caught sight of me and whistled. Everyone’s heads turned to look at me and for a few seconds the square was deadly quiet. Then they all started leaving, en masse. It was slow at first. When I started to walk toward them, it escalated into a stampede of red tank tops and combat boots.

When the dust settled, I was standing alone in the center of the square. I laughed bitterly, my arms waving around, gesturing at the emptiness like I had an audience.

As I stood there, at a loss, I smelled something awful.

“What the hell?” I said holding my hand over my nose and looking around for the source.

I should have known better by now, but predictably I followed the smell through a small gate and behind a few houses. I could see a pirate standing at the far end.

“Hey!” I shouted and almost ran to him. He didn’t run away like the others, he didn’t even turn around.

“Have you seen Vaas? I’m trying to find him.” I smiled as nicely as I could, happy that this pirate didn’t seem as skittish as the others.

As I approached the smell grew worse. I began to feel some dread, but I couldn’t put my finger on why. I stood only a few feet away from the man, but he didn’t move, at all.

I walked around to look him in the face…

I became aware of the situation very quickly. The pirate was Kulon. He had been decapitated. His body and head had been impaled on a pike so that it looked like he was still somewhat whole and standing. The blood staining around his neck, I’d mistaken for dark sweat stains or just dirt in general on his red shirt. I soon realized my mistake and I quickly found myself crumpling to the ground and darkness.

* * *

“Hey. Wake up.” A familiar voice was speaking to me but it wasn’t Vaas’s.

“Benny?” I asked as I opened my eyes to see his bandana covered face hovering over me.

“Yeah. You okay?” He asked, not bothering to help me up.

“No.” I said remembering why I fainted to begin with. I stood up and started to walk away from Kulon's corpse scarecrow.

“Maybe you should sit down for a while.” Benny followed me, not running away, but I could tell he was anxious.

“What is that all about?” I ask, pointing my thumb behind me.

“Don’t worry about him.” Benny sounded emotionless.

“It was Vaas. Wasn't it?”

“Don’t worry about it.”

Benny tried to dismiss it harder. It only confirmed that the guilt rising in me was valid. Kulon was brutally murdered because of me. I knew it. It was my fault. How could it not be? The man who just happens to peep on me in the shower is dead. Not just dead, but on display. A warning. Anyone who gets close to me gets killed by inches.

“You should probably leave before he gets upset with you too.” I pushed the gate back into the square.

Benny was silent but he stood nearby.

“Do you know where Vaas is?” I asked after a minute of hearing the breeze ruffle the trees.

“He’s out at the grave.”

“Thanks.” I started walking that way.

“Hey! Wait!” Benny ran ahead of me, blocking my way. “Don’t. Just wait for him back at the house.”

“I need to talk to him, the longer I wait the worse it'll be for everyone.” I said stepping around him.

“No, you really don’t. There’s nothing that you can say that can’t wait.” He insisted, blocking me again.

I noticed that each time he stood in my way he was very careful not to get too close. Vaas had threatened them all with heavy consequences for touching me early on. I was sure that fear had been freshly hashed out very recently. I reached out to touch Benny with my hand to test my theory. Benny recoiled a couple of steps back. I gave him a smug look.

“Seriously. You don’t wanna go there.” He warned me again.

I walked toward him like he wasn’t there. He stepped out of the way as fast as he could.

“I’m telling you. It’s a fucking mistake!” He shouted after me. I ignored him.

It took a few minutes to navigate my way to the gate of the compound. It was getting close to sunset, the shadows were very long. I walked the yards from the gate to the place where I’d spent the last couple of days digging. Vaas was standing near where the grave was - I couldn’t see the grave itself - with a few of his men. He was saying something but I couldn’t quite hear what he said. As I got closer he lifted his arm and fired. I jerked to a halt, covering my ears. He fired two more times in quick succession.

He was filling the grave.

I had known that it wasn’t a grave in name alone, but I had tried to protect myself from the fact. Cushion against the harsh light of day. When I did think about it, I assumed it was mine, it was less morally repellent that way. The game was over. I’d lost. Vaas was making other people pay for it.

I wanted to stop him. Beg, plead. Anything to stop this reality from being true. I ran toward him.

“Look me in the eye.” I could understand his words now. ”Nobody wants to pay for you. You’re worthless.”

I was almost to him. I could see the poor people he had filed into the grave. I could see that the grave was deeper now. It was at least 4 feet deep. The heads of the soon-to-be victims were above the dirt. Their eyes shined with tears, each one of them was on me.

 _How could anyone do this?_ I questioned.

 _Drugs._ I remembered the contents of the broken table.

It was likely that Vaas was high as fuck to deal with this. To be this cruel. I didn’t want to touch him.

“Vaas! Leave them alone!” I said quickly before rushing in front of his gun. His men automatically trained their weapons on me and then dropped their aim as they realized it was me.

Vaas glared at me, stubbornly keeping the gun pointed at the people in the grave like I wasn’t there at all.

“Don’t do this.” I begged.

“These motherfucking pricks aren’t worth the trouble, Sirenita.” He said like I was ruining his good time.

“You’ll have to shoot me first.” I grabbed the end of his barrel and jerked it up to point at my head, careful not to touch his skin.

Vaas was silent. I couldn’t look him in the face, I was too terrified he would pull the trigger.

“What the fuck are you doing?” He scoffed at me. “Do you think this’ll stop me?”

“Pull the trigger then.” I was shaking and I knew he could feel it through the gun. He knew I had no idea how this would go. That I had no faith in him.

“Are we back to this bullshit?” He said quietly. “This fucking deathwish you got is running old.”

“Then pull the trigger.”

He tried to tug the gun away, I held it tight to my head.

“That’s enough!” He shouted, reaching for my neck. I couldn’t stand the idea of feeling him dead against my skin another time, especially if it was going to be my last moments. I flinched, moving out of reach.

“You’d rather feel my fucking gun on your skin than me?” He said, somehow guessing why I’d jumped back.

He stepped forward, an insane look in his eyes. I moved back until my boot almost slipped into the grave. I turned direction, still trying to keep him back.

Once I cleared the grave, he lifted his gun and shot the last three people in the grave while keeping his eyes on me. Bang! Bang! Bang!

“NO!” I screamed lurching forward too late. 

He reached out to grab my arm. I barely moved out of the way. He kept coming. Warily I moved backward, trying to stay out of reach.

“What is it? Afraid the blood will stain your skin?” His eyes were piercing and wild, almost pinning me in place.

“You feel dead.” I spat.

“Awww. What the fuck happened to the lightning and fire?” His tone was mocking.

He lunged at me and I bolted toward the road. His footfalls weren’t far behind. I pounded my feet as fast as I could. There was a gunshot, but this time I didn’t stop. I kept running.

“FUCK!” I heard him shout behind me.

For a moment I thought I was gaining ground. Then I heard his footsteps sharp and quick coming closer behind me. He was sprinting, like I was. Only he was faster.

I looked behind me and almost jumped out of my skin when I saw how close he was. Panic gave me a brief burst of speed. I turned as sharply and suddenly as I could.

“What the fuck!” He cried as he over shot me, skidding to a halt to change direction.

I ran into the trees. I had to slow down a little to keep on my feet. I tried to meander through the trees, making sure that Vaas didn’t have another straight shot at me. I felt the air move as his hands got so close to grabbing me. Once he almost grabbed my hair.

I hated running from him. It was like lying. Once you start you have to keep going and the stakes get higher with every stride. It also gets harder to keep it up. I was already panting hard.

I vaulted over a fallen log and skirted around a large boulder only to find the ground suddenly disappeared beneath my feet. I was about to fall into a deep ravine. Vaas’s arms barely managed to snatch me back from the brink. He sat back on the ground holding me against his chest. His arms felt like unyielding steel pulsing with hot current. He caressed a shaking hand over my hair and pressed kisses to the back and top of my head. We caught our breath.

I was stunned. Seeing the ravine just appear, and knowing that I couldn’t stop myself from falling into it, was only a small part of my shock. I was dumbfounded that our connection was going full force.

“Don’t you fucking do that again.” His voice broke as he whispered.

I didn’t speak. I just stared at the edge less than a yard away thinking about what it all meant. He killed those people under the influence of nothing. Nothing. It wasn’t the drugs that made him a psychotic monster. He just was one. It hit me like a ton of bricks and I started to cry.

It wasn’t quiet, pretty sobbing either. I leaned forward and buried my face in my hands as I wept inconsolable.

Vaas just put a warm hand on my back between my shoulder blades and rubbed to soothe me. He was doing it again. Wasn’t he? The tender care only to be undone by heinous barbarism later. I couldn’t tell what the fuck was going on or what game he was playing. I only knew I would lose when it started up again.

“W-Why are you d-doing t-this?” I stuttered from how hard I cried.

He didn’t answer, he just pulled me into a tight embrace. I struggled against him for a moment, but when he didn’t let up I fell still and let him hold me. 

We sat that way for a long time. It was getting dark when he released me and stood.

“Come on.” He murmured quietly. “We have miles to go before we sleep.”

Vaas pulled me to my feet and kept an arm firmly around me as we walked back toward the compound. He didn’t intend to let me have another opportunity to run myself off a cliff.

As we came to the road I stumbled over a large rock and Vaas took it as an opportunity to sweep me off my feet. I didn’t feel like resisting, recognizing that the effort was pointless. The sky was dark by the time we reached the compound. Several worn and beat up trucks and SUVs were lined up on the road just outside the gate.

“We ready?” Vaas asked the driver as he put me in the back seat of the open-topped jeep at the front of the line.

“Yeah boss.” The driver replied with a heavy accent.

Vaas got into the back next to me and stood. He waved his arm through the air and whistled loudly.

“Let’s fucking go!”

The vehicles followed behind us. Making a convoy on the rough jungle road.

“Where are we g-going?” I asked, trying to avoid looking at him.

He tilted my head up and made a point of looking in my eyes before kissing my forehead.

“We’re going home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wonder what the FBI thinks of my search history. The stuff I've looked up for this fic...
> 
> This chapter's song is "Descontrol" by Daddy Yankee. Oddly enough, I almost picked "Run Through The Jungle" by Creedence Clearwater Revival for this chapter. It's a great, classic song. Ultimately, "Descontrol" won out because it reminded me more of Vaas. Maybe it was the Spanish? Maybe Daddy Yankee sounds a little how I would imagine Vaas sounding if he were a rapper/singer? Quién sabe. I'd love to know what songs you think fit my fic.


	13. Dark Blue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A change of scenery and a wake up call for the termagant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Been a bit. I wrote a ton. I'm only separating it into chapters just now. Long story short, I have a couple more chapters coming.

_ Home. _

The word sparked up hope in me. I was halfway through pleasant memories of my actual home when I realized that Vaas most likely was referring to some other location of his.

“Why do you frown? Really liked that fucking shack, huh?” He asks, noticing the disappointment on my face.

I want to go into a tirade about… Well, everything. Now wasn’t the time. I didn’t know where we were going. It could have been as cheery as a slaughterhouse for all I knew. It could be worse than the shack had been. I couldn’t imagine it was much better, not on this island. It was more third world than anything.

I sighed and pulled away from his fingers; watching the dark jungle as we drove down the rough road. The vehicle slowed to make a turn onto another road at a rice field. The water was dark, but I could see two figures standing just out of reach of the old headlights. They looked like men, like pirates, but I wasn’t sure. They unsettled me.

We continued onward and drove through more jungle. Vaas wrapped his arm around me and pulled me against him. I let him do it, but I didn’t look at him.

As we went, the blur of dark leaves, rocks, trees and vines seemed to be almost hypnotic. My eyes drooped a bit and I thought I saw the crooked, dead face of Kulon in the trees. I blinked wildly and shook my head. I looked again and was greatly relieved that I didn’t see any faces. I decided to look where we were going instead.

Things were fine, except for the monstrous potholes that seemed to appear out nowhere and would jerk the car so hard, I’d bounce off my seat sometimes. I checked for seat belts but found none. I sighed again.

About fifteen minutes later I could see someone standing off to the side of the road ahead. We were about to pass whoever it was. The headlight hit them and I flinched back against Vaas in horror. It was Kulon again. His corpse held up by a pole just standing on the side of the road.

“What the fuck??” Vaas could tell I was freaking out, though I would have bet good money he would never guess why.

I followed Kulon with my eyes, leaning over the back seat as we passed. He seemed to turn on a pivot, his dead accusing eyes following me.

This wasn’t real. This was some fucked up hallucination. All the stress of this motherfucking island was getting to me, breaking my mind. I was seeing Kulon because it was so disturbing, in a way, more disturbing than witnessing those poor people’s deaths in the grave.

“What’s wrong?” Vaas’s hand lowered around my waist and he turned me to look at him. His face showed human worry.

I was disturbed by what I’d seen, but I was royally pissed off with Vaas. How dare he pretend he was merely a man. How dare he try to trick me over and over. He’d killed his own man just because he’d seen something by accident. He killed those poor captives just because he didn’t get paid. I was tired of trying to find a balance between us. I was sick of being jerked between all-consuming, embarrassing, sexual need and stomach-turning, moral quandary. Back and forth, back and forth. Being haunted by Kulon had tipped me in favor of morality. I couldn’t handle clinging to the sex alone. That wouldn’t get me through, like it seemed to do for Vaas.

I pushed against Vaas, and he tried to pull me tighter in. I gritted my teeth and locked my elbows and leaned as far as I could away from him. He looked at me with hot-blooded confusion. I refused to care. We hit another hard bump and I slipped out of his fingers. I slid against the wall of the vehicle and held to the rusty roll cage keeping away from him.

“FUCKING AGAIN?!” He shouted in outraged shock. 

He growled and kicked the seat in front of him. He looked at me like there were bars between us and he wanted to hurt me so badly, but just couldn’t quite reach. I turned away and closed my eyes. He murmured, indignant, until the car stopped.

We were at a small cove with a few boats tied to a weather-worn dock. I could see that unless you were in the cove you probably wouldn’t notice it. There were high cliffs on either side, covered in thick, tall vegetation.

Vaas hopped out of the car and walked around to my side. I slid across the bench and climbed out on the same side he had to avoid him. He glared at me in silence. I glared right back. I walked out onto the sand with my arms folded as the pirates unloaded the cars and started loading up the boats. 

Once everything was loaded Vaas came up behind me and grabbed my hair. I immediately started to claw at his hand and call him every single insult I could think of.

“Still fucking angry over bullshit dreams and motherfucking pricks?” He asked as he moved me toward the nearest boat.

He tossed me roughly into it and climbed in himself. Another pirate was at the helm and he looked between Vaas and I with hesitancy.

“Don’t look at her. Keep your eye on the water and drive this piece of shit!” Vaas commanded and the pirate obeyed. He fired up the boat and we were leading the convoy again.

I was roiling, the feeling of his hand pulling my hair was still fresh on my scalp and it made my skin crawl from the wounded dignity. I sneered at him, letting hatred and anger bloom up in my heart.

_ Remember this moment. Remember when your skin doesn’t crawl, but itches for his touch. _ I admonished myself.

Vaas picked me up off the floor and forced me to sit with him at the back of the boat. I kept my hands out of his grip and he soon gave up trying to keep hold of them. Instead he held around my hips.

“Don’t touch me.” I warned him. He shook his head angrily.

I could tell that he wanted to hurt me, but he didn’t want to harm something that he needed so much. He was holding back, it made me feel powerful.

He took his hands off me and sat quietly with a murderous look on his face. I leaned as far away as possible, again. 

I could see out of the corner of my eye that Vaas had pulled something out of his pocket. It looked like he was holding it to his face reverently. I tried not to look curious, but soon I couldn’t help but look. He had some small black cloth in his hand and he was smelling it with a delighted look on his face. A couple of seconds more I realized that it was my tankini bottoms.

I was disgusted. Sick to my stomach.

A few seconds more and I realized that I wasn’t sick to my stomach from Vaas’s perverted theft alone. Motion sickness was kicking in hard. I leaned over the side of the boat just in time to hurl into the churning black water behind the boat.

“Whoa!” Vaas exclaimed with a smile on his face. “You aren’t feeling well? Explains a fucking ton.”

I gasped for air before vomiting again. If my mouth wasn’t preoccupied I would have been vehemently explaining how my feelings were justified, puke or no puke.

“It’s okay Sirenita. Get it all out.” He said attempting to sooth me by rubbing my back.

I spit the remaining vomit out of my mouth and tried to shrug him off. He didn’t seem to realize that I still didn’t want him to touch me. I suddenly locked up again with another round of throwing up and forgot about his hands.

“You’re okay.” He whispered.

My stomach didn’t have much in it to begin with, I was sure that it didn’t have anything in it now. I was shaking and my teeth chattered once I’d finished. I felt better. I was still leaning over the edge and spitting out as much of the bile in my mouth as I could. Once I was convinced I couldn’t rid myself of the taste any further without a toothbrush, I turned around and sat back down. I tried to regain some sense of pride and held my head up straight, though I was sure I probably had vomit bits in my hair.

“Do you feel better?” Vaas asked and it pissed me off that he seemed genuinely concerned.

I nodded hoping he would drop it at that. He stared at me long and hard, looking me up and down.

“You pregnant?” He asked and my eyes were as big as dinner plates.

Where did that come from? I opened my mouth to counter his uncouth and stupid question with a resounding no. As I was about to, I realized that I didn’t really know the answer. I was 100% positive that my little hurling session was due to motion sickness. I was also certain that if I was pregnant I wouldn’t know for another couple of weeks and if I was unfortunate enough to get morning sickness, it probably wouldn’t kick in for a month or two. What struck me dumb was that I very much could be pregnant or on my way to being there. I’d fucked him bare twice now. Basic biology didn’t just stop because you were in the profundity of wretchedness.

_ Oh God! How could I not have thought about this before now?? _

The answer was obvious, I’d never had to worry about it before. I had never been in the position that I might just fuck someone at unpredictable times. It was just a little piece of that “having a soulmate” learning curve I hadn’t figured out or considered.

I stammered and my face was surely bright red, not that he could tell in the moonlight. That would be the worst thing that could happen. The idea of having to give birth in this third world nightmare was bad enough, let alone having to care for an infant surrounded by vulgar, violent pirates. The child’s father being the most insane of the bunch. That kid, if they survived their infancy, would end up being a monster too. My stomach felt unsteady again.

I looked up at Vaas’s face expecting him to be angry at my uncertainty in answering his question. He looked like he was just dealt a royal flush and had no poker face whatsoever. He was just waiting for me to make his day; give him the go ahead to start jumping for joy. I couldn’t believe it. No. This couldn’t be happiness at potential fatherhood. This was excitement that he’d found yet another thing he could torture me with. What would be better than cursing me with something I couldn’t escape for 9 months no matter where I went and would end in pain that most people thought was one of the worst agonies you could face in life. That’s not saying a thing about potential complications and death. Childbirth seemed like a sadist’s wet dream. 

Not to mention, a man like Vaas couldn’t want more baggage. Especially not a crying, helpless infant. Something small and vulnerable; an obvious pressure point. I was already surprised that  _ I  _ wasn’t dead; trouble that I was, I had nothing on a baby.

“I’m not.” I said decidedly. To hell with trying to determine the truth. If I was, I wouldn’t let him know until my twentieth hour of labor, if I could help it. Though silently I prayed to whatever God there was that I wasn’t that unlucky, reminding them what I’d gone through in the past week. My bad luck quota was filled up for the next ten years.

“Not yet.” Vaas added and I could see his eyes shining eagerly in the moonlight.

_ Shit. _

“No.  _ Never. _ ” I can’t quite hide how much the idea is freaking me out.

“Never say never, Sirenita.”

“It was just motion sickness. MOTION sickness. That’s all. And I’ll say whatever words I fucking want to say. Thank you very much.” I narrow my eyes at him, my flustered state fading into annoyance.

We came to another island, much smaller than the one we’d left. I quickly jumped onto the dock before Vaas could lay another finger on me.

“Welcome to my castle.” Vaas bowed like some sordid nobleman once his feet hit the dock. He offered me his hand and I ignored it, walking away toward the dark trail into the trees.

“Sirenita.” He called after me.

I huffed and rolled my eyes before facing him.

“Don’t be fucking rude.” He gestured more dramatically that I should take his hand.

“Are you a gentleman?” I asked flatly.

“Yes.” He said peeved.

“When I see it, I’ll believe it. Until then, I think you know what you can do with that hand of yours.” I motioned like I was jerking off and walked away.

The other pirates had started unloading and carrying goods down the dark trail that led into the trees. I followed, leaving Vaas looking livid and probably realizing that my rebuff wasn’t because of an illness. As per usual he wasn’t gone for long. In almost no time at all he came up behind me and grabbed my arm hard enough to leave bruises.

“We’re going to talk again.” He warned me. “And you aren’t going to fucking like it.”

“You mean unlike all the other times we’ve ‘talked’ and you’ve made it an absolute fucking joy?” Pure snark dripped from me.

Vaas looked like he was about to explode. I pulled my arm away from him and continued onward away from the blast radius. 

It was then realized that I’d backtracked on my own decision for the hundredth time. I want him. I want him not. Back and forth, over and over. Like plucking the petals on a fucked up daisy. Every time I thought that I’d give him a real chance he’d fuck it up catergorically. Enough was enough. Wasn’t it? I was so furious at what he did to me, so disgusted with what he would do to others. Still, something was niggling in the back of my mind, something I didn’t want to think about.

I heard dogs barking and saw a tall, graffiti-covered concrete wall through the parting brush. The top of the wall was covered in razor wire. It was a true fortress. Once I got in there, I wouldn’t easily get out. I thought of the cage from the nightmare again. Was this it?

“Impressive, no?” Vaas whispered in my ear from behind.

He was trying to ply me with honey and his inflated ego, though I could still hear some anger linger in his voice. 

“Very Draconian.” I murmured stepping away to keep some distance.

He grabbed my hand and began pulling me toward the large gate. I let my feet drag a bit, and I didn’t hold his hand in return. I tried to look miserable. I didn’t want him to touch me, at all. It was so hard to remember why I was angry and why it mattered when I could feel his skin on mine.

We entered the fortress walls and immediately he started me off on a grand tour. It all looked like more of the same. Barely solid buildings. Only this time instead of being made of wood and bamboo, they were water-stained concrete and half rusted through sheet metal. I didn’t hardly pay any attention as we went. I was too busy reciting the reasons to be mad over and over; trying so very hard to ignore the lovely feeling of his hand on mine. What I managed to pick up on was that several of the buildings were filled with drugs and guns. And that the layout of this compound was hardly the maze the last had been.

We walked through a cluttered warehouse. UV light reactive graffiti was everywhere. Behind a chain link fence was a set of stairs. It was here that Vaas let go of me and motioned that I should go up.

“This is the best fucking part.” He smiled like he was setting me up for something.

I swallowed and started up the stairs. He was right behind me. The stairs ended at what looked like it used to be a door to the more office-oriented part of the business. Just a rectangular, steel box, high over the main floor with large windows overlooking the warehouse. Those windows were long since boarded over with layers of plywood and rotted planks.

When I got to the top I waited. 

“Open the door. Come on.” He urged excitedly.

_ What horrors shall I face now? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a chapter for setting stuff up, the next chapter will hopefully be more engaging.
> 
> This chapter's song is "Dark Blue" by No Doubt. I'd love to know what songs you think fit my fic.


	14. In Your Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arguments, revelations and a haunting.

I twisted the handle, and after some force the door opened with some effort. It scraped along the metal plate floor with a shrill, grating noise. I stepped inside tentatively.

I expected corpses, a torture chamber, blood, mountains of drugs. In general, something unpleasant and painful emotionally or physically. The first thing I saw was a rigged together kitchen. It looked like part of a commercial-grade kitchen had been pulled up from wherever it was from and put into this room. Stainless steel everywhere. The appliances, the counters, the shelves under the counters… I wondered if they worked. Letting my eyes wander toward the right, I saw a dining table. It had probably once been very nice. It had a large gouge taken out of the middle, like someone had struck it with an axe or some other blade. There were only two chairs, though the table was big enough for eight. A white, contemporary sectional was against a wall, and a surprisingly large, flat-screen TV and stereo sat opposite. The items in this room were or had been expensive, though it was very obvious that they had been taken without permission. Likely at gunpoint. The walls were rusty and graffitied, much like the rest of this compound.

Beyond the TV was a makeshift wall that had been erected from ill-fitting plywood, not something that was original to the room. “VAAS” was painted in red across the whole of it; “fucks here” was painted as a footnote to the right. In the center was a crooked door-shaped hole with a chain link gate over it. Woven through the links were various knives, some were still bloody, others were broken and rusted. Like his own version of the iron throne.

_Maybe that’s where the torture chamber is._

“What do you think? Luxurious, no?” He took a few steps toward me and I walked into the room, acting like I was impressed with the trappings.

“It’s much nicer than I expected.” I admitted.

He didn’t seem happy with my answer.

“I can’t believe you put this together. It’s amazing.” I over-corrected without thinking about it.

He seemed more pleased with my second answer and walked into the room with a casual ease. He reclined on the sectional, trying to look as sexy, his arms propped behind his head. I noticed a bullet hole in the arm rest next to him. I stared at it. It was confirmation that something bad had likely happened to the original owner.

“Take a look in there, mi Sirenita.” He pointed toward the blade covered gate.

I nodded, and walked to it. I lifted the latch and looked inside. The room was dark, but kissed with moonlight. I could see that there was a large, grand bed in the center of the room. It looked expensive even in the darkness.

A light suddenly turned on and I whipped my head around to see Vaas coming up behind me. He ran his hands around my waist and rested his head against my shoulder, swaying us both gently side to side.

“I can’t wait to break the bed in.” He whispered in my ear playfully. It was like he had completely forgotten how I had treated him almost the entire trip here.

I looked at the bed again, it was much grander in the light. It had a tall, ornate, gloss black headboard, upholstered with white diamond-tufted leather. The footboard was similar. The mattress itself had to be king sized. It looked like something you’d be more likely to find at a palace rather than a rusted out, graffiti covered room that it was almost too big for. I wondered how he got such a monstrously huge bed in the room and realized that he probably built the wall after he put the bed in.

“What do you say, hermosa?” He licked my ear and massaged his hand over my clothed sex. “Want to me to fuck you till you can’t stand anymore?”

My eyes rolled back and my lips parted at the idea. I bit my lip trying to remember why I was so mad at him. He started walking me toward the bed and I remembered my upset just before he pushed me down on it.

“No.” I said, pushing off the plush mattress and standing again.

“No?” He asked like he found it funny.

“No. I don’t want you to fuck me.” I said folding my arms and walking away from the bed back toward the living area.

“You don’t like it? Not your style?” He stood and followed me with confusion on his face.

“It’s not a matter of style.” I said walking around the dining table trying to keep it between us.

He circled around slowly and I did too.

“Is nothing I do fucking good enough?” He seemed to be accusing me.

“Is anything you do actually good?” I countered. “This stuff... It’s beautiful and I won’t argue with the luxury of it, but where did it come from?”

“It doesn’t matter.” He said, still meandering his way around the table toward me.

“It does!” I felt my voice waver and my eyes watered. “I can’t take the blood and death. I can’t stand it!”

“Come with me, Sirenita. I’ll make you forget.” He held a hand out to me, walking ever closer.

“I have no doubt you have some fucked up way of making good on that promise.” I pulled a chair out to make an obstacle for him and moved around the table. “That’s only part of the problem. I don’t want to be drugged or fucked into forgetting I have a conscience and a soul.”

When he reached the chair he slammed it away, it skittered across the floor until it crashed into the steel counters. He looked like he’s on the warpath.

“Oh, you’re angry? Oh no!” I played off my legitimate fear like I’m simply mocking him. “Fuck you, Vaas. You played your torturous little ‘dig a mass grave’ routine with me for days. One second you seem to care, I blink and you’re suddenly Mr. Sadist, king of the ultra-mindfuck. If anyone has a right to be angry, I do.” I yelled, still keeping the table between us.

“I’m ‘king of the ultra-mindfuck’? Me?” He broke into a harsh laugh. “You’re fucking perfect as my queen then.”

He took a few quick steps and I lurched to keep him away.

“Me? ME??” I point at myself. “I mindfucked you how? Elaborate.”

“You say to me; ‘No, Vaas. You’re a sisterfucking monster! Don’t fucking touch me!” then the next moment you flip like a fucking light switch. ‘Vaas, please! Please! I’m yours! TAKE ME!’” He mocked me in return, still shouting. “Which is it Sirenita? Which one am I supposed to believe?”

“Oh no. You’re not throwing this back on me.” I narrowed my eyes. “You drive me to that point. You push yourself on me until I break down. Every time!”

“Oh yeah? I push you into it, every time? Is that right?”

“YES!”

“‘Please don’t hurt her. I’ll do anything if you don’t hurt her.’ Does that fucking sound familiar? I didn’t make you do shit!”

I suddenly remember when I kissed him on the beach and I felt guilt bubble up in me. I try to swallow it down.

“What was I supposed to do? She’d be dead or worse if I didn’t do something. My own best friend and you wanted her dead! Now you want to lock me up in a cage. IS THIS IT??” I motioned to the room around us. “IS THIS MY CAGE??”

He looked at me with bewildered indignance. Like I’d discovered something that I couldn’t possibly know. Then smirked at me, tapping on the side of his head with his finger as an idea dawned on him.

“You’re holding your fucking dreams against me, again. Aren’t you?” He leaned his hands on the table menacingly.

“It’s true isn’t it? Who the fuck cares how I found out! This place, you made it nice to keep me here, all to yourself.” I glared at him. “Heaven knows I shouldn’t mind! At least it would keep you from killing someone for merely looking at me! Wouldn’t it!”

“What are you fucking talking about?” He seemed genuinely angry.

“Kulon!” I pointed a finger at his face. “You killed him!”

Vaas seethes at merely hearing his name, but he doesn’t speak.

“I saw how angry you were in my dream. You cleaved his head off with a machete!”

“That was just a dream.” He looks like he’s trying to calm down.

“No. You impaled his body on a pole. I saw it.”

“In a dream.”

“I found him when I was looking for you because- Just because!” I stopped myself from talking about how I had been looking for him to try and make it work between us.

“So, what you’re saying is that what I do in your dreams counts against me?” I nodded, but I had a bad feeling. “Your dreams about me, make me as good as guilty? It’s only fair that it goes the other way. Don’t you fucking think?!”

I kept my chin up, trying to look intimidating or resolute.

“Let me tell you about _my_ dreams, Sirenita.” His eyes flashed minaciously.

I suddenly realized that he meant he had dreams about me. I felt my heart hit my stomach and flutter back up in my chest. What could he have seen? How could I have been such an idiot to think I was the only one?

“You won’t look at me. I mean really look. You glance at me long enough to see your lost dreams and the monster you want me to be, but that’s fucking all. Unless I touch you, then you need me. Then you can’t fucking get enough of the monster, until you feel like a fucking whore for it. Then you blame the monster for all your guilt. You look at this island and you see a prison, but it wouldn’t matter where we were, you’d still feel trapped. You don’t want to confide in me. You look for other fucks to do that with. I’m only your fucking soulmate, it’s no big deal. But it's okay, I can’t tell you anything either, because you just want to fuck and lie to me. You don’t want this to be real.” He sounds remarkably calm. “You treat me like a drug, not a man. You’re addicted to how I make you feel, you need it. After you come down, though. You feel ashamed and try to swear me off. Get rid of me anyway you can.”

It’s true. All of it, and I wish it wasn’t. I could excuse myself with every logical argument in the book, and I had. Vaas made it easy to blame him for everything. He was always doing something fucking atrocious. Though I knew that even if the reasons I rejected him weren’t extreme or very valid, I would still do it. I didn't need the song and dance he gave to refuse him. Just lifting the curtain to start the show would be enough. I was ashamed of what I needed. That's why I was going back and forth all the time.

“I didn’t want to believe the dream. Dream! Motherfucking nightmare!” Vaas isn’t looking at me anymore. “‘It’s just bullshit.’ I said. Then you fucking talk about Citra, say you know her from a dream. You know things about her and I no one fucking knows… I’m thinking, maybe the nightmare isn't just bullshit.”

I keep quiet, looking at my feet, silenced by my guilt.

“‘We’re supposed to be together, happy. We just got a rough start.’ I tell myself.” Vaas continues. “‘She wouldn’t deliberately fuck us over.’ But you did. Over and over and over again. Insanity. But I still fucking want you, even when you lie and push me away like I’m some dumb fucker, I still need you.”

He looked like he might cry. I narrowed my eyes and scoffed. Any emotion beyond anger he has is highly suspect.

“I hadn’t used since you laid it on me.” He felt over his cheek where I’d punched him almost fondly. “Didn’t need to, as long as I could touch you. You’re more than enough, when you want to be. 

“Mostly you don’t though. The withdrawals kill me. I thought you might not know what you were doing to me. So I decided to show you how fucked up you are. How it fucking feels to be jerked around.”

“But I know I can’t fucking do it, hopelessly-in-love fucker that I am. I would break before I could. Beg you to let me have you.”

He sniffs and I roll my eyes, ignoring the implication that he loves me. 

“Then I got to wondering, ‘If our bond gets rid of el vicio, would a little crystal make the need for you go away too? Guess what? It was like fucking magic.”

His voice is almost pathetically emotional, like he’s on the brink of tears. I don’t want to hear anymore. 

_I victimized him! The fucking nerve!_

I start walking to the door back to the warehouse. He was so cruel to me and claimed that’s how I was making him feel? The degrees of extremity were way off. Refusing someone skin contact and romantic success did not equate to making someone work in the worst conditions for days and force feeding them drugs.

“Always running before you can feel anything.” He said before starting after me.

“Always antagonizing me and pretending it’s all my fault.” I rebutte.

He runs ahead before I can reach the door, blocking me.

“Get out of the way.” I’m enraged and I don’t care if he pulls his gun on me. He as good as said he needed me more than his drugs and he didn’t shoot me when I ran away before. The gun means nothing to me now.

He doesn’t reach for his gun. Instead he reaches out to me. I jump back.

“Don’t touch me!” The words fly from my mouth like a well-developed reflex. Vaas frowns at the words.

“We’re not done. You need to let me in, Sirenita.” He says, reaching for me again. “Really let me in. Accept us.”

I move back, out of reach again. I start to feel tears in my eyes and I can’t account for them. It just makes me more frustrated. I look for a way to get around him. I don’t see an obvious opening. I have to avoid him touching me at all costs, something in me just knows that it’s all over the moment he touches me.

“Stay away from me.” I warn with a shaky voice.

“Look at me Sirenita. Really look at me.” He implores ignoring my warning, his arms are still outstretched.

My backside hits the edge of the table and I skirt around it.

“HEY!” He shouts, loud and angry, the way that makes my heart race. I look at him. “What color are my fucking eyes?!”

“Brown.” It seems so obvious to me, I say it without thinking about it, and definitely without looking. With his tan skin, black hair and obvious Latino heritage it only makes sense.

“Try again. I said look at me.” He steps closer, helping me out by keeping his eyes wide open. I still don’t want to look. “LOOK AT ME!

I cover my ears and refuse to look at his eyes. He’s lying to get me to look in his eyes to trick me, touch me somehow. He takes a few long, quick steps, and I fling myself on top of the table to stay out of reach.

“Come on. You can do it. Just look me in the eye.” He almost whispers, his voice is hoarse. He sounds drained.

“If I do you, you will never touch me again.” I say knowing that the deal is very unbalanced and in my favor. I don’t expect him to take it.

“I swear that if you can look me in the eyes and tell me what color they are, I won’t touch you. Until you ask me to.” He added his little amendment to our deal, but I could live with it. “Shake on it?”

I scowl at him.

“Fine.” He looked defeated. “I cross my heart and hope to die and all that bullshit.”

“It’s a deal then.” I confirmed.

“What color are my eyes, Sirenita?” He asked again.

I just have to look him in the eye and he won’t lay a finger on me without permission. Looking someone in the eye means nothing. _Nothing_. I’ve looked people in the eye before, so many times. But as I think about it, I haven’t really looked Vaas in the eye once. I would look near his eyes, or around them, but I hadn’t looked at them. The more I realized it the more I worried that looking him in the eye might mean something or make something change between us. It’s bullshit. He probably thought I wouldn’t look, and that’s where the trap was. Screw that.

I took a deep breath and I looked at Vaas’s face, at his mouth to be precise. I was going to slowly work to his eye, but it was still hard to manage it. I stared at his lips, noticing how his lower lip seemed to pout adorably, and how pink they were. He smiled.

“Still can’t look? You’ll get what you say you want if you do, and you still can’t fucking do it.” He taunted me.

He’s right. It’s so hard, for some inexplicable reason. The more I try the more it feels impossible. 

He climbs on the table and moves closer. I panic.

“I’m going to take you into that bedroom and touch you however I want, until you break down and beg me to fuck you senseless. Unless you look me in the fucking eye, right fucking now.” His voice was low and threatening.

His threat worked like a charm. I ignored the goosebumps on my skin and my eyes locked on to his.

At first everything was fine. I was surprised to discover his eyes were actually green, a warm green.

“Green.” I said, sounding a bit far away to myself.

His eyes softened and stared right back at me, unashamed. I’d noticed the intensity of his eyes before, but I hadn’t really seen what made them so powerful. I felt like I was about to fall into his pupils and get lost forever and that it’d be okay if I did. The more I looked the more I discovered. The more I discovered the more I needed to look.

Vaas’s hand lifted like he was going to touch my face. I blinked pulling away, amazed that he moved close enough to reach me without my noticing. I slid back, off the table.

“There, a deal’s a deal.” I said, noticing the forlorn look on his face. “Not a finger.”

“Unless you want me to.” He reiterated with a clenched jaw, hopping off the table himself.

With my new freedom, I was going to go on my own tour of the compound. Explore on my own terms for once. I walked toward the door to the warehouse. I forced it open and began skipping merrily down the stairs, really trying to rub it in his face. I was about halfway down when I noticed something moving through the debris on the floor below. I halted and looked at it. It was the shape of a man. One of the pirates from the look of it. Only he was crawling on his stomach like he was wounded. Then I heard him cry for help.

I screamed at the familiar sound and ran back up the stairs almost running into Vaas as I did.

“What? What’s fucking wrong?” He asked as I moved past him into his quarters.

He followed inside and I slammed the door behind him. I could still hear Gael screaming in pain. It sounded like it was getting closer.

“It’s not real. It’s not!” I murmured to myself covering my ears and closing my eyes.

I hadn’t really seen Kulon or Gael tonight. They were very dead, and I didn’t believe in ghosts. I was just tired, stressed out. I had seen several people die today. It had gotten to me, as it would anyone with a working conscience.

I uncovered my ears after a moment, listening for Gael’s cries. When I didn’t hear anything I opened my eyes. Vaas was standing less than a foot away, keeping his hands to himself. Despite my fresh terror, I smiled at the sight.

“That twice now you’ve fucking lost it. ¿Qué pasó?” He clenched his fists trying to keep himself from touching me.

“I’m fine. Nothing’s wrong.” I say, wiping my eyes and clearing my throat.

“Bullshit.” Vaas squats in front of me, looking me in the eye again. “You saw something. I want to know what.”

I looked in his eyes again. Really looked. Maybe it was because that river had already been crossed. Maybe I really liked looking him in the eye. Those beautiful green eyes... I would have assumed he would just be angry; annoyed with me. But looking in his eyes I could see fretful worry, love. I felt some guilt prick my heart, and bit it back.

“Was it one of my men? Did they do something? Huh?” It was technically his men disturbing me, or they _were_ his men. I couldn’t help but give away that he was on the right track.

“Who was it? Carlos? Jahiem? Pak?” He stood rubbing the back of his head in irritation and pulling his gun.

“No! It wasn’t them!” I said quickly, realizing he was probably going to shoot someone. The last thing I needed was more violent visions gunning for me.

“It was one of my guys though? Who?!” He demanded and when I faltered in answering he said, “If you don’t know the name, point the motherfucker out to me.”

“I know their names.” Since I learned them, they were burned into my mind like a hot, fresh brand. “Don’t worry about it.”

“ _Names?_ ” He began pacing as he considered the possibility of more than one tormentor.

“Vaas. Vaas!” I shouted louder when I realized he wasn’t listening. I didn’t continue until he was looking at me. “You can’t do anything to them. So don’t worry about it.”

“The fuck?! Name the idiotas and we’ll see what I can fucking do.”

“Gael and Kulon.” I looked at him without a hint of mirth. My voice was as dead as the men I saw.

Vaas shook his head uncertain, perturbed. After a moment he gave me a vexed look.

“You protecting somebody?”

I sighed and leaned into the arm of the sectional and closed my eyes like I was going to sleep. He probably thought that I was saying the names of the dead men to prevent the deaths of the living culprits.

“What the fuck did they do? Tell me.”

“One tried to rape me in the jungle. I stabbed him for it. Then you shot him. The other saw me taking a shower and lingered too long. We both know what happened to him.” I turn and curl against the back of the couch, my back to Vaas.

“This isn’t a game-”

“Do I sound like I’m having fun?!” I shouted suddenly. “You asked for names. I told you. Now leave me alone!”

Vaas growled in frustration and I heard his boots stomp away. The chain-link gate opened and slammed closed. The lights went out.

I could hear Gael weakly crying for help outside the door. 

I started to cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So now you know how Vaas could suppress his bonds. Or at least how he claims it was done. ;)
> 
> This chapter's song is "In Your Eyes" by The Weeknd.


	15. Torture

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toiletries? Temptations?! Tango?? Torture.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last division of my writing surge. Don't worry there will be more to come. Unless that idea upsets you, then you should worry. But why would you be reading this far if that's the case? 
> 
> I'm tired...

I woke up. Vaas’s new place had skylights making it quite difficult to stay asleep when the sun was out. My eyes felt raw. The rest of me felt hungry and parched. I stretched out and rolled over. Vaas was sitting at the kitchen table watching me. His hands were clasped together tightly and he had his chin resting on them. His eyes were tired and wide, like he’d spent all night watching over me. 

I got up without saying anything and walked to the kitchen. His eyes followed me and I saw his biceps tensing as I turned on the sink faucet. I was greatly surprised to find the plumbing worked. I put some water in my mouth and swished it around before spitting it out.

“There’s a bathroom.” Vaas spoke, his voice was gravelly and rough.

I turned off the water and turned around to look at him. Our eyes met again. It was deliberate on his part. I could almost feel him trying to magically pull me in closer with the power of his eyes alone, like Bela Lugosi. I blinked and looked away. I heard him make a small frustrated sound then fall quiet once more.

I wandered into the bedroom, the “door” was open. I noticed two doorways I hadn’t the night before. One was an old steel door the other was just an open doorway. I could see already, that the one without the door was the bathroom. I was chagrin at the lack of privacy. Still, other than that it was a remarkable improvement from the bath house. Carrara marble counter, clean and modern toilet, nickel-plated fixtures. There was even a large bath with a rain shower head.

I couldn’t believe that someone lived in a modern, palatial estate on the islands. That just didn’t make sense. Surely any contractors would have been murdered before they finished anything so grand. And if Vaas wanted such nice accommodations, surely it would have been easier and better to just leave them where they were and just live in the place they were. Tearing them carefully out of their home and transporting them who knows how far just to put them in a rusty mess of a building was just crazy. I could also rule out peaceful transactions as well. They, like the items in the other parts of Vaas’s pad, showed signs of violence and danger. In this case, the marble had scorch marks on the edges. The towels, a dark gray, smelled like smoke. This bathroom had seen fire at one point. And there was another bullet hole in the gilded frame of the large mirror over the sink. Not to mention that none of the fixtures fit well where they were. They were measured and made for a different space originally. I tried not to think about it too hard and just be grateful to feel somewhat more human again.

On the beautiful, but marred marble were two toothbrushes, toothpaste and floss. I assumed that one of the toothbrushes was for me. Though I opted to use the toilet first.

Brushing my teeth felt better than I thought it would. I almost cried in the middle of it. Afterward, I ran my tongue across my smooth tooth enamel with a grin of satisfaction. 

“Don’t forget to floss.” 

I turned toward the doorway, Vaas was leaning against the jam with a pained look on his face. I frowned at him.

“Thanks for the tooth care.” I mumbled, feeling a little ashamed for my lack of common courtesy.

He dismissed my thanks with a wave of his hand. I began to floss. I could see him watching me in the mirror with his green eyes. Green… 

_ My green-eyed monster. _ My face was starting to feel hot as my eyes were getting lost in his again through the mirror. I came to myself when the tension of the floss between my teeth went slack. I looked at the broken piece of string in my hands and breathed until my face cooled. I rinsed my mouth and looked up at Vaas through the mirror, careful not to look at his eyes.

“I’m going to take a shower.” I said, hoping that our venture into etiquette wouldn’t stop with a toothbrush and thanks.

Vaas didn’t respond or move.

“Do you mind?” I hinted a little harder that I wanted him gone.

“I never said anything about not watching you.” He gave me a serious look.

I grimaced and thought about whether or not I needed a shower. As I fretted I suddenly realized that I didn’t care. Watching me, however uncomfortable it made me, was going to be torture to him. And just in case it wasn’t, I would make sure it was.

“You can  _ look _ , but you can’t _ touch _ .” I said in as sultry a voice as I could manage.

I kicked off the boots and pulled my tank top off. I was slow again, like when he forced me to pleasure myself in front of him. I was sure to give him a “come hither” look. His face was pathetically entranced.

I just had the pants and tankini top now. I turned the water on, the hot water didn’t work here either. It didn’t matter, I was used to it. Honestly, the water was never truly frigid; just not warm. Water fell from the shower head into the luxurious tub. I pulled my tankini off and stepped out of the pants. I glanced over my shoulder at him, giving a pouty look. He was clenching his hands into fists, trying to hold his vexation in. I was hoping he’d catch on, leave before he was driven crazy, but he stayed. Stubbornly too, he was giving me a look that wavered between knowing what I was purposefully doing and hindered lust.

I stepped under the water and made a small gasp at the chill on my skin.

“It’s so cold.” I said with a wicked smile. “Too bad there isn’t anything in here to warm me up.”

I didn’t look at him to see how he responded, instead I ran my fingers through my hair. One thing about this bathroom that made me ridiculously happy was the noted appearance of toiletries. I washed my hair with shampoo. I scrubbed my body with soap. All of it was slow and lavishly done.

“If only someone could wash my back. I can’t quite reach...” 

After I said the words, it hit me hard. I moaned as the need washed over me, making me feel hot under the cold stream. I could see, in my mind’s eye, Vaas rushing into the tub with me, clothed and uncaring about the water soaking him. With wild abandon he'd pick me up, pin me against the wall and-

_ No! _

I gritted my teeth and tried to kill the feeling. It wasn't going this time. I did everything in my power to make it look like I was unaffected, but I was panting hard and had fallen to my knees, clinging to the edge of the tub with my hands. If Vaas was paying attention he would think that I was unwell, at the very least, he might forget himself and touch me and if he did- If I felt just a finger on my skin I would be lost again. Carefully I looked over my shoulder at him.

It seemed like he was gone, at first, but I found him on the floor where he had been standing in the doorway. He was on his hands and knees and looked like he was in pain.

“Fuck!” He groaned.

I reached over and turned the water off. I pulled a towel off the rack and wrapped it around myself; holding in any sound that indicated desire. It was very difficult.

He moaned like he was in agony, the pitiful sound tempted me to give in. I still felt the need surging in my veins. Maybe it was proximity to him? I had to make some distance between us.

I made sure my towel was secured in place and stepped out of the tub. He was blocking most of the way through the door. I cringed with worry. He could touch me by accident, as much as on purpose we’d be so close. But I had to get away from him…

I boldly stepped forward and when he noticed my approach he looked up at me. Those beautiful green eyes silently pleaded for an end of the torture. I clutched my towel tighter and stood as far from him as I could, moving through the doorway. He moved to face me and I flinched, leaping through the door.

“Please.” He begged. “You don’t know how this fucking feels.”

But I did know, thanks to the dream. His need felt much worse, far greater than mine. I was being cruel, wasn’t I? Letting him suffer when I could end it rather easily? Maybe my denial of affection and touch had been more on par with what he put me through than I initially realized.

“I’m sorry.” I said before turning my back on him. Vaas’s cry was almost inhuman.

I ran into the living room. I didn’t dare go further, remembering the ghost of Gael from the night before and also that the compound was full of living pirates as well. I sat on the far side of the leather sectional, holding the towel around me and feeling sick with guilt.

I must have been right about the distance, the feeling started to fade, slowly. The urge to go back into the bathroom and hold Vaas (and do  _ other _ stuff) was leaving, for me at least. The sounds coming from the bathroom were odd, and didn’t entirely convince me that Vaas was recovering. He seemed to be moaning, and there were other sounds I couldn’t place. It took me two whole minutes before I could piece together what he was doing in there. I blushed when I heard him hit an orgasm, calling for me.

I wish that I was disgusted, instead I was flattered and I pitied him. I remembered from my own sordid affair in the shower, it wasn’t going to be satisfying enough. It probably would feel much less for him. Sure enough, another groan of despair drifted from the bathroom shortly after.

I held the edge of the cushion, debating with myself whether or not I should be kind. In some ways I would be kind to myself too. I might not have been as anguished as Vaas, but I suffered too. At the same time, I knew it would cause more problems between us. I already knew that I would rebound afterwards, just like he said. Was that more cruel in the long run? I also couldn’t stand the idea of giving in to him again, especially after the argument from the night before. Maybe I didn’t have to give in all the way. Just let him hold my hand for a bit?

As I was contemplating, Vaas stepped out into the living room. He looked certifiable. When his viridescent eyes settled on me he looked almost hysterical. He walked toward me purposefully, quickly.

“You gave me your word.” I said standing up from the couch and remembering that I wore only a damp towel.

He stopped, but looked like he was seriously debating whether or not it was worth respecting the promise. I started to panic, because he seemed to be leaning toward tearing our verbal contract to shreds. I really wished that I had thought to get dressed before I left the bathroom. Being wet and barely covered wasn’t probably helping anything.

“You must feel it. Feel something! Why would you fucking torment yourself too?” He was trying to reason with me, but I could see that even that was already falling dangerously thin. Those green orbs were already gaining their favored predation.

“Sit down.” I pointed to the sectional.

He looked at me miserably.

“Sirenita.”

“Sit down.” I insisted. He did after another moment of hesitation.

I walked toward him and saw his eyes become wide with surprise and then delight.

“Thank you.” He whispered, trying to reach out and lay hold of me, surely believing that I was going to let him have his way with me.

“You will keep your promise.” I warned darting backward out of reach.

He frowned, his eyes intensified their ravening need.  I approached again ready to jump back if he moved at me in any way.

“You aren’t going to lay one finger on me. Do you understand?” I tried to sound commanding but I’m pretty sure I didn’t.

“I get it. I’ll chill.” He said, trying not to smile.

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly as I stepped in close. He didn’t move, but looked up at me like I was some sort of goddess. Some kind of salvation. When I lifted my hand and brought it close to his face he closed his eyes and let out a quiet breath in anticipation of my touch. I felt powerful. I could bring this raging lunatic to heel just with the faintest suggestion that I would touch him.

I thought about being cruel, just letting my hand hover over his skin. Close enough that he could feel the warmth of my flesh, but not make actual contact. But I needed something too, that was the only thing that pushed my hand against his cheek. When I touched him he moaned obscenely, and I almost did too. I thought I could almost see the sparks flying between my palm and his face. He leaned into my touch and pressed a kiss to the heel of my hand. I wanted to scold him for assuming that was okay, but all that came out of my mouth was a shaky gasp.

He was right, I was an addict. I needed this, and I didn’t realize it until I touched him again. His eyes looked into mine and I stared foolishly into his while an impish grin curved his lips. Almost instantly I was all but transfixed by his gaze. He lifted his hand trying to lay it over mine. But I wasn’t lost enough to let him touch me back and I pulled away.

He frowned, disappointed but no longer insane with lust. I felt a bit settled as well. It was enough. That small exchange was enough. I smiled and started off back to the bathroom to gather my clothes.

“I have another surprise.” He said quietly, as I was about to pick up my tank top. 

“Can it wait until I get dressed?” I asked.

He simply shook his head and walked into the bedroom. I sighed and followed. I heard the squeal of a door opening and confirmed that he was opening the other door off the bedroom. He held it open for me. I looked at him warily but entered.

I was in a closet. There were clothes hanging from rods, lots of clothes. Most of them seemed to be women’s clothing. I furrowed my brow and pulled a shirt to my nose and smelled it. The faint hint of smoke was in these too. They probably came from the same place as the furniture. I wasn’t going to complain though. I wanted real clothes. I missed them so terribly. I blinked and my eyes were suddenly blurry with tears. I looked back at Vaas and he just watched me with a blank look on his face. I wanted to say something in the way of thanks, but nothing came out. I mouthed the words at him as tears fell down my face. He just watched my mouth without response.

I began looking through the apparel, checking the sizes. Most of them would fit. There was even underwear, not that I’d ever consider wearing someone else’s underwear, but these were extenuating circumstances.

I had hated clothes shopping back home. I was never pleased with how I looked in anything, often butting heads with my mother or with Fiona over how I looked. I could have spent the hours it’d take to try on all these clothes and be endlessly happy with each one for being made not only for my particular gender, and my general size, but for the human way it made me feel.

I pulled an outfit together and placed it on the bed looking it over to make sure it wasn’t going to look ridiculous. Then I began to pull the underwear on. It was a set, a pale pink bra and panties. I had no problem with the panties. They would work, the bra on the other hand… I could put it on, but it was made for someone with a slightly smaller bust. I wasn’t busty, so the previous owner of this bra must have been pretty flat. I considered not worrying about it, but when I looked down and saw that my breasts were pushing out the top in a slutty way, I reconsidered.

When I turned to head back into the closet to find something else that might work, Vaas was standing inches away. His hands hovered along my sides like he was waiting to touch me.

“Excuse me.” I said awkwardly, trying to figure out a way to avoid drawing attention to my chest.

“Let me have you. Just this once.” He asked quietly, looking me over.

“No.” I said feeling a bit frightened that I hadn’t noticed him so close behind me.

He closed his eyes with a pained expression. He opened them again after taking a deep breath.

“Please just accept me. Accept us. Let it work. You don’t have to fucking fight so hard.”

“I already gave you enough.” I said, quickly feeling like a liar.

The fucking wave of need was already coming back into shore. It’d only been a few minutes and it was already back. What the fuck? Was it how close we were? Was it the lack of clothing on my body? What was it?!

“It’s never going to be enough. You can’t barely fucking touch me and expect me to never need you again.” Vaas stepped in closer. I moved back until I felt the bed frame on my calves.

He was right, but at this rate I was wondering how having a soulmate hadn’t doomed the world. How could anyone get anything done without their match being right next to them 24/7. Something wasn’t making sense with this. Fiona and William would cling to each other often enough to make me nauseated, but they had jobs at different companies. They could go almost the whole day without seeing or touching each other, and neither were falling apart into madness over it. Hell, Fiona had been away from Will for our entire trip and she seemed fine. What was I missing? What didn’t I know? What was the secret? And who the hell did I have to talk to in order to find out?

“Just breathe. Okay? Just breathe.” I was telling him as much as telling myself.

“I can’t breathe. Don’t you understand?! I CAN’T FUCKING BREATHE!!” He wrung his hands over his head in complete exasperation. “You are my air! MY MOTHERFUCKING LIFE!!”

I climbed up on the bed moving backwards. Vaas crawled after me like he was a panther stalking his prey.

“Just r-relax.” My breath hitched when he almost laid a hand on my leg.

“What am I? What fucking am I?” His jaw was clenched.

“Uh…” I couldn’t think of much beyond my terror and the visions of him and I together in flagrante delicto that filled my head and took my breath away.

“A pirate lord?” I finally settled on something, but I knew it wasn’t what he wanted to hear.

“Try again, Sirenita.” His eyes had such a ferocious deliciousness to them I didn’t realize I had run out of bed until I fell over the edge.

“I don’t know what you are!” I cried trying to recover from my gracelessness.

“I’m your soulmate.” He said looking down at me.

I stood and moved around the room trying to estimate where the gate that lead to the living room was without taking my eyes off him.

“Say it.” He commanded.

“Why?” I asked. “You know it. What difference does it make if I say it?”

“SAY IT!” He shouted and I flinched.

He was off the bed now and moving toward me quickly.

“No.” I backed up until the gate hit my backside. 

I assumed it was latched and leaned too much into it. It suddenly swung open and I started to fall backward. I tried to save myself by holding onto something. But the only thing to hold to was the gate itself. I felt the chain link under my hand for the barest moment. A sharp pain sliced through my palm. I hit the floor despite it all.

My breath was knocked out of me for a moment and I quickly cradled my hand. Vaas’s face was one of shocked concern. His fury was instantly lost, and he moved close. I held out my hands to stop him.

Blood splattered across his face and I realized it was from my hand. I was able to see the deep cut running through my palm right before I passed out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's song is "Torture" by Liz Longley. I'd love to know what songs you think fit my fic.


	16. Count On Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Actions are louder than words. Only if the audience was listening...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a short little chapter, but full of interesting things. I hope. :x

“I never stitched up something like that, man.” A strange voice hit my ears. I stirred. “It’s too long.”

“Hermano. It won’t stop bleeding.” Vaas sounded upset.

“You gotta keep pushing on it.”

I opened my eyes and looked around. Horrible pain racked my hand, I tried to pull it to my chest but it couldn’t move. It was being held down.

“It’s okay, Sirenita. Just lay still.” Vaas appeared over me and pressed a kiss to my forehead.

I tried to sit up, but he pushed me firmly down with the help of another pirate. I noticed that I was laying on top of the stainless steel counters in the kitchen and I’m wrapped up in some sort of silky black robe.

“My hand really hurts.” I said stupidly, I hoped he’ll tell me how bad it is.

“I know. I know. You’ll be okay.” Vaas is trying to comfort me and it is not comforting at all. My hand is cut badly. Despite his positive words, his eyes held intense concern.

“The Doc would be better than me.” The unknown pirate said with a cautious look on his face.

“He’s on the other side of the fucking island! Fuck!” Vaas shouts, the pressure on my hand increases and I wince.

“Vaas, how bad is it?” I ask and my voice breaks half way through. “Am I going to die?”

I _could_ die in this place. Others had, why not me? It seemed easier to die here than anywhere else I’d been. It wasn’t like home with hospitals so close and emergency numbers to call and trained medics who come to you when you can’t take yourself.

“Nononono, Sirenita.” He smiles at me. “I won’t let you get away that fucking easily.”

“You could get the chopper, Jefe. It’d be quick.” The pirate nods at me and back at Vaas.

Was he suggesting that he just “chop” me? It’d be quick? Like a mercifully quick death??

“Call up Benny. Have him send it over as quick as fucking possible. If he takes too long I’ll cut off his nutsack and choke him with it.”

My idiot brain realized that the "chopper" was a helicopter. I was relieved that I wasn’t going to be killed. And I’m surprised that Vaas would have something so... Expensive? Technological? It seemed like a helicopter would be so hard to get a hold of, let alone expensive to actually use. Here he was using it for me...

 _Wait._ He wanted to put me in the air. In the air inside a probably dilapidated helicopter piloted by someone who probably had no formal training. No. NO.

“No, Vaas. I’m okay!” I wiped my tears off my face with my broken hand and smiled as happily as I can. “It doesn’t hurt that much anymore. Really!”

I sat up and Vaas and the pirate were looking at me with bewildered expressions. I tried to pull my hand free, but Vaas was holding it too tightly. I look down at my pinned hand and immediately regretted it. There were bloody rags, blood smeared on the counter, blood on Vaas’s hands. There was blood covering my hand and my arm. So much red. I tried to look away, but I wasn’t quick enough. The smell of rusty iron filled my nose as I swooned back.

“Shit!” Vaas caught me before I slammed on the metal countertop. “Call Benny. RIGHT FUCKING NOW!”

* * *

The next thing I heard was the raucous sound of copter blades cutting through the air. I seized into life.

“Easy Sirenita. Easy.” Vaas was holding me like a bride again. Something tight, painfully tight, was wrapped around my wounded hand.

The helicopter was waiting in the courtyard of his fortress. It doesn’t look like it’s falling apart but it doesn’t look pristine either. I can see that the pilot is a pirate. It was just as I imagined. A new image of crashing and blowing up fills my startled mind. It would kill everyone stupid enough to be inside the thing. Me included.

Vaas was rushing us to the death trap and I tried to escape his hold. 

“Calm the fuck down!” He almost dropped me and has to resort to carrying me over his shoulder instead.

“No! Please! I can’t fly! Don’t make me fly!” I blubbered like a baby, but he couldn't hear me over the noise.

He handed me over to the kitchen pirate who was already inside the helicopter and I struggled against his grip. When Vaas climbed aboard he took over and pulled me into a seat beside him. As Vaas buckles me in, the pirate left me to tell the pilot to take off. I feel it lift off.

I clung to Vaas, sobbing into his neck. He wrapped a strong arm around me. With every odd movement, change in direction or tilt, and turbulence I held tighter to Vaas and whimpered. I could hear Vaas was saying something, but I couldn’t understand what. Aerial death is on my mind and I feel like I’m going to die if I loosen my grip at all.

The trip seems to last forever. When the copter finally touched down again, I screamed from the jolt. I shook so bad and I refused to let go of Vaas. He maneuvered around and unbuckled me and stood up. He sweeps me up into his arms and I wrap my arms around his neck. He jumped off the helicopter and started walking up a trail to an old house on the hill.

“Vaas!” The kitchen pirate had been following behind and his face looked concerned. “It’s leaking again.”

“Shit.” Vaas was practically running up the trail.

I can feel something dripping down my arm. It’s warm at first but cools in the air. In my panicked grip on Vaas, I must have made the bleeding worse. I cringed, wanting to look, but I know that I’ll just black out.

We reached the front door and Vaas kicked it open.

“HEY! Doc! Get your motherfucking ass out here!” He shouted inside and looked around for the doctor. There was no response for a minute or two. It’s a long amount of time when you are bleeding out.

“Fucking finally!” Vaas sounded relieved.

“Here for an order? I don’t recall-” A gentile, british but offbeat voice spoke.

“You have a fucking patient.” Vaas said entering the house.

“How irregular.” The voice sounds worried. “Singular.”

“She needs her hand stitched up.” The other pirate told the doctor.

“Please, mi casa es su casa.” The doctor hesitated.

Vaas carried me up stairs and placed me on a bed. The room is dimly lit, but I saw it looked like it should be for a little girl.

“Let’s see the hand then.” An old man with tired, red eyes spoke. If this was the doctor, he looked stoned. Was this the man that is going to take a needle to me? I felt like throwing up. I tucked my hand under my arm and refused to show him.

“Sirenita…” Vaas's voice sounded strained and humorless. I shook my head stubbornly at him.

He quickly pried my hand free and held it out to the doctor. The doctor’s face furrowed as he looked over the bloody mess. Unfortunately I saw the mess too.

* * *

When I woke up I felt something lightly tugging on my arm. I opened my eyes when I realized that I couldn’t feel my hand. Vaas wasn’t there, it was only the doctor. His body was shielding my view of my hand.

“Vaas!” I called out, wishing I could feel the comfort of him near me.

“Now, now. Vaas is just downstairs. It’s better that way.” The doctor sounded a bit distracted. “Better for me not having that man watching my every move. Better for you too, by extension.”

“What are you doing?” I demanded.

“I’m finishing up the last stitch on your hand.” I heard something being snipped. He picked up a roll of gauze and made motions like he was wrapping something up, I could only assume it was my hand.

“There we are.” He turned around and presented my hand to me. It looked much like it had, only there was fresh, white gauze wrapped around it and I couldn’t feel it. “It’s best not to use it too much. Don’t stretch it open either.”

“I’m okay?” I asked for confirmation, my skin crawling at the thought of stitches in my skin.

“In an hour or two, the pain will come back. I can give you something if you like.”

I shook my head, remembering the last time I took something for the pain.

“You are an odd girl aren’t you?” The doctor’s droopy eyes narrow a bit, and he looks me over.

“What do you mean?” I ask sitting up and cradling my hand to my chest.

“Oh, it’s just strange that you and Vaas would be paired together. The syncope alone is ironic. Refusing drugs? Madness.”

“How did you know?”

“It’s _very_ plain, my dear.” The doctor smiled sadly at me. How could people just see it? We were so different, not compatible at all. How was everyone just glancing at us, miserable as we were, and setting us together so permanently in their minds?

“I had thought that he’d already met his mate, when I first met him. Though it looks like I was wrong.” He looked thoughtful, adrift in a memory.

“Why would you think that?”

“It’s not important.” He dismissed my question before starting to clean up, careful to keep it away from my sight.

“Please!” I hold to his arm, feeling like if he was a doctor he might be able to tell me more about what’s wrong with me.

“I’ll be right back.” He said merrily before slipping free of my grasp. “Then I’ll check your other hand.”

He was true to his word. As soon as he was back he began to unbandage my broken fingers carefully.

“Please tell me more.”

“I would, but I’m afraid of saying too much. Not all of us have the protection you enjoy.” He slowly looked over my hand.

“I need to know-” I started, unsure how to ask or even what to ask.

The doctor looked at me in the eye.

“Am I correct in thinking that you are having some distress with your partner?”

I nodded.

“Of course.” He went back to looking at my hand, bending a finger and watching me wince.

“Something’s wrong with us.” I started, “It’s too much.”

“Poor girl. You have a soul don’t you. The cruelest irony of all.” He said, testing another finger.

“What is happening?” I demand, pulling my hand away confused by his words.

“Tell me more.” He said looking very much like he didn’t really want to know.

“I need him.” I said and the doctor almost looks like he’s about to laugh.

“Have you not been told how having a soulmate works?” He grinned at me in a sleepy way.

“Of course I have. This is different. It’s all-consuming. Too much. Too strong. Too often.”

“You are fighting him aren’t you.” It should have been a question but it was a statement of fact. 

The doctor looked impressed with me. I look amazed that he seemed to just know things. 

“It makes sense. You seem to be the sort who worries for more than yourself.” He said further.

“Why should fighting him matter?”

“When you fight the bond it gets worse. Forcing you harder together until you finally give in.” The doctor said simply, a look of discomfort coming across his face.

“What??” My voice was incredulous. “That's ridiculous. I’ve never heard of something so idiotic!” I said like it was the most absurd thing I’d ever heard of.

“How many unhappy bonded couples do you know?” The doctor’s tired, blue eyes looked into mine again.

I tried to think of a time I’d seen anyone I knew unhappy with their soulmate. I couldn’t think of one.

“None, I guess.” I shrug.

“See? You wouldn’t know it, unless you were told by an unhappy couple. And they are very rare.”

I wasn’t willing to accept this information. I had to give in? Accept it? Do what Vaas was urging me to do? Never. I would never.

“How the hell do you know then? If it’s so rare that no one knows. How do you?” My tone was acerbic.

The doctor pulled a couple of finger splints from his pocket and pinched them over my fingers. He began to tape them down. His face was forlorn. I regretted being so short with him.

“Things happen, dreadful things. Sometimes they're so terrible you can’t recover.” He stands and starts for the door looking distressed. I wondered if he knew because his bond had been unhappy.

“I’m sorry.” I apologized and he gave me a weak smile.

“You’re upset. I’m sure you have a lot to be upset about. Be grateful you aren’t having the dreams.”

“Dreams?” I asked, feeling my brain blow a fuse.

He halted in the doorway looking at my shocked face with a furrowed brow.

“Dear girl, you aren’t _intimate_ with him are you?”

I felt a blush smack me in the face and I couldn’t look at him. He sat on the bed again.

“It’s worse than I thought. I’m sorry.” He took my hands gently in his own. “I can give you something to dull the bond if you need.”

“Drugs? No.” I shook my head decidedly.

“It’s the only way to keep fighting the connection. It’s going to get worse. Tremendously worse.”

I shook my head again. 

“If you aren’t going to let me give you something, then for the sake of your sanity don’t fight him anymore. He’s been good to you, hasn’t he? Or are these injuries signs of his particular brand of passion?”

I frowned feeling the anger roll through me. Yeah, he was “good” to me. So far the lasting injuries I’d had were ultimately my own fault. Still…

“No, he didn’t do these. I did.”

He looked at me hard for a moment, trying to determine if I’m lying. Once he’s sure I wasn’t, he lightly patted my hands and stood.

“I can’t imagine how you must be feeling. But you only have two options, drugs or acceptance. You can’t run, you can’t fight for long. It’ll just drive you m-”

“I don’t want to hear any more.” I interrupted, unable to stomach the information.

The doctor nodded. A long moment passed between us. He looked downcast.

“Do you have anything in the way of contraceptives?” I broke the silence. Considering the possibility that I would end up fucking Vaas again was uncomfortable but practical at this point. Especially if the need would get worse, however nightmarish that possibly seemed. I did not want to end up pregnant in this hell on top of it all. It had been embarrassing when the doctor surmised that I had fucked Vaas. But implying that I would do it again felt so much worse.

“No, sadly my chemistry focuses more on the verboten rather than the legally permissible. I suggest obtaining a physical prophylactic.”

“Do you have-”

“No, dear girl. No.” He answered before I could finish asking if he had any. “I have no need for it.”

I wanted to cry, but my tears had run dry. I felt raw and barely alive. More like a ghost than a person.

“You should come back in two weeks. I’ll want to see how your hands are healing.” He stepped out of the room and I could hear him go down the stairs.

I was alone again and my thoughts took no time in revolting against the information I’d just been presented with.

I shouldn’t fight the bond? It was going to get worse? _Tremendously worse?_ What did that even mean? What should I do about it? Should I just become just like Vaas? Give in to his realm of violence? Become a naturalized citizen of his “kingdom?” Why couldn’t he give in to me? Why couldn’t he change for me? Why did I have to bend over and just take it? _I_ wasn’t the murderer. Why did I have to spend the rest of my life in this horrible place? I felt like I had given up so much already. Way more than my fair share. Giving up anymore was too much. Far beyond too much, in fact.

Maybe I could pretend to give up? Would that work? Could I cheat the system that way? Without something in the way of contraceptive I’d be dooming myself in either case. I doubted that Vaas would be willing to get or use condoms. It was more fun for him without them. I despaired.

I heard quick steps coming up the stairs and I sighed heavily. Unsurprisingly it was Vaas looking worried. He sat on the bed and lifted my hand looking it over carefully.

“You in pain?” He asked.

“I feel nothing.” I said. It described the lack of sensation in my hand and my general emotional state. 

He pulled me into his arms. I could feel relief rolling off him and crashing over me. I squeezed my eyes shut, still so angry that it felt good to touch him. He kissed me, it was short but heated. It made me want to scream or kiss him back or both. Instead I was practically limp in his arms.

"Things are going to be different. I promise." His voice sounded rough, like he'd been crying.

It was ridiculous, wasn't it? I couldn't imagine him crying. His peridot-colored eyes red with weeping... Did he even have tear ducts??

He was so demanding, so controlling, so violent... Yet he absolutely couldn't stand the idea of me coming to harm. How fucked up was that?

 _Not at all._ I scolded myself.

I was an inadvertent place of softness in with him. He was trying to protect his weakness, instead of removing it which would have been smartest. With who he was and what he did for a living, it only made sense that he would be just as obstinate about accepting me as I was him, at least. He had a practical reason to push me off or get rid of me. But he wasn't. Why? Maybe that was part of my reluctance to accept any of this. I couldn't understand how he could want me so much when I couldn't account for why. I wasn't even what he should want physically. Citra, it only made sense he'd want her. Beautiful blue eyes, chocolaty skin, curves in all the right places. I was just pale and odd, probably the most opposite person to Citra. No one should look at me and say, "Dream girl." But Vaas did. Why??

“I’m okay.” I said leaning out of his embrace. Still confused over the doctor's words and my own thoughts, with no idea what I was going to do.

“Then let's go home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope I got Alec right. He has an eloquent but odd way of speaking. He reminds me of the white knight in Through the Looking Glass.
> 
> I once cut my finger with a razor blade while working on my house. It was a short but really deep cut on the very tip of my finger. It bled everywhere in the milliseconds amount of time it took to pull the razor out and wrap my hand around the wound. I had to get two stitches. I figured a longer cut, on a place like a palm the more blood and stitches would be involved. Also I didn't want to describe the whole getting numbed up and feeling the tugging on your skin while getting stitched up... It was making my finger feel weird... And giving me flashbacks.
> 
> This chapter's song is "Count On Me" by Bruno Mars. It's so happy-go-lucky sounding, I felt it perfect for the irony in this chapter. That, and the lyrics are true. I'd love to know what songs you think fit my fic.


	17. Calculadora

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hands are important appendages. It'd be a real shame if you couldn't use them. Wouldn't it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW

“Hold me.” I said leaning into Vaas’s side. He wrapped an arm around me. “Harder.”

His face seemed to light up cautiously as he pulled me firmly against him. The helicopter lifted off again and I felt myself trembling. I couldn’t hold on to anything myself. The splints on my dominant hand made it impossible to bend my fingers or articulate them with any dexterity. The doctor as good as told me not to use my other hand. I couldn’t even cling in terror during the ride home. I was trying to make Vaas do it for me, he wasn’t holding me tightly enough. How was I going to live for at least the next two weeks?

When we got back to Vaas’s luxury flat the answer quickly became apparent, or at least how Vaas saw the solution going.

“Come on.” He smiled, gently pulling me to the bedroom. “Let’s get you into something more comfortable.”

That simple sentence caused an eruption of awkward and uncomfortable ideas to pound through my skull. Vaas would dress me, bathe me, feed me, assist me with anything that required my hands. Which was everything. EVERYTHING.

I don’t know how I could have possibly tried to hide the appalled, slightly curious, dread on my face. When Vaas looked at me, saw my face… It wasn’t with the concern he should have had. He didn’t say, “Are you alright?” or “What’s wrong?” Like a normal person would have. He didn’t say anything with his mouth at all. His eyes… They seemed to be glowing, piercing me through; pinning me to the spot. They seemed to say, “Ah. Now you fucking get it don’t you? You can’t keep me away now. You fucking need me to live at all.”

My only hope was that he would help me begrudgingly. That he’d finally start to see me for the inconvenience and nuisance that I was. His face told a different story. He looked like he’d been praying for something like this to happen. His fucking prayers were answered and I was the idiot that answered them exactly how he wanted me to.

What was I supposed to do? If I pushed him away - figuratively, I couldn’t push him literally anymore - I’d be hurting myself much more than I would hurt him. It was an extreme example of how our relationship had gone from the start. Was it worth the struggle? On paper the answer was no. There was literally no benefit to myself or anyone else if I refused him again. Accepting his assistance would only hurt my pride. But I felt like my pride was all I had left. The rest of my life had been stripped away.

Vaas led me to sit on the bed. He went into the closet and returned with a dark red negligee set with lace panties and a sheer robe. I remembered seeing it before, when I perused the closet the first time, I hadn’t thought anything of it. Now that I thought about it, it had been placed at the front, like he’d been trying to hint that I should wear it.

I blushed and noticed some prickling in my numb hand. The anesthesia was starting to wear off.

“What do you think, Sirenita? It’s your fucking color, no?”

This was the moment wasn’t it? Fight or submit. I looked him in the eye, I could tell he knew the significance of my answer. He was orchestrating it to be very uncomfortable for me on purpose. This wasn’t him accidentally pushing my buttons because he finally got a say, and eagerly and innocently wanted me to wear his favorite. This was him pushing my buttons, almost mechanically, trying to incite a reaction. He knew there would be one. He wanted to see what it would be. I could infer that if he knew what he was doing, trying to get me to respond, the response was important and would have consequences.

What would the consequences be? It was easy to jump to an extreme here. Vaas was so often extreme. I could plausibly deduce that if I fought, he could kill me. I could also plausibly deduce that if I didn’t I would become his pretty little sex doll all locked up in a gilded cage. Further than that, I worried that if I rewarded him while I was injured I’d end up like Paul Sheldon in the hands of Annie Wilkes. At the most extreme, I could imagine Vaas cutting my hands off completely. Forcing me to rely on him forever more. Vividly I could see him, with the machete that he offed Kulon with, hacking my hands off. I shuttered.

Still, there was one thing I hadn’t taken into consideration.

_It’s going to get worse. Tremendously worse._

The doctor implied that my sanity would be on the line. He spoke like he knew it first hand. Thinking about it, Gael and Kulon only came to haunt me when I was dramatically, emotionally and resolutely refusing and fighting Vaas. I wasn’t keen on seeing them ever again.

My path became suddenly quite clear. I had to accept his assistance, as much as I could. And I had to make him miss the use of my hands as much as I did. I would have to kill my pride for the sake of pragmatism and healthy, whole survival.

“It’s lovely.” I forced the corners of my mouth to smile lightly.

I watched his reaction carefully. He looked allayed. He smiled in a way that made the corners of his eyes crinkle cheerfully. The negligee was tossed beside me on the bed and he started to pull the black robe off of my body. Parts of the sleeves were stiff with dried blood but I, thankfully, couldn’t see because of the darkness of the fabric.

“Do you want a bath?” He asked me.

I could feel the dried blood on my arm. His suggestion was based on a real need. Nonetheless, I could see that he was testing me still.

“I could probably use one.” I slid off the bed and walked into the bathroom.

I was about to attempt to turn the water on myself. I wanted to see if I could, but he stopped me. I wanted to insist but I let the urge fade. Vaas turned on the water and plugged the tub, then he turned his full attention to me.

He reached behind me and unhooked the small pink bra I wore with a deftness that shouldn’t be allowed for his gender. I tried not to blush, but I couldn’t stop the goosebumps that formed on my skin. His eyes looked over my bare skin with a greediness I still didn’t understand, but I fought the need to cover myself with my arms. His hands wrapped around me pulling me in. A hand came to rest on the side of my face, his fingers guiding my lips to his. He kissed me slowly; very uncharacteristic of him. This was still a test.

I could handle this. I had convinced him before, when I’d saved Fiona. I was in the, sometimes fortunate, situation of actually having sexual feelings for him. I could let those feelings have some room to do what they wanted, just like I had when I kissed him on the beach. I could do that. The desire was writhing just under the surface, always ready and waiting to flood over me at the drop of a hat.

I let my arms encircle his neck and head, I tried to make the kiss more hard, fervent, like it always was before. He merely pulled away. Pressing a kiss to my jaw. I felt a bit disappointed until he kissed my neck and I almost lost my footing. He steadied me then kissed my collarbone and kept going down. A dreadful excitement began to manifest in me.

 _How far down would he go?_ I pondered in both suspense and fear.

When he stopped to shower attention to each of my breasts I noticed something. I was paying attention to everything. I could feel the shape of his tongue on my sensitive nipples, the wet texture of it. I noticed how he would suck harder or less based on my reaction. I could feel the ticklish scrape of his facial hair. How had I not noticed it before? 

He kept moving lower and I was finding it hard to stay upright. He supported me firmly with his arms and hands, keeping my torso close to his mouth. I held my hands over my face, it was all they were good for.

By the time his lips brushed the top of the lacy panties I wore, I was a panting, mewling mess. He tugged the pink fabric downward with his teeth, a little at a time. His tongue surprised me by dipping underneath for a second or two and I braced myself with my hands on his head. It was a mistake, but I ignored the pain. I was already enchanting myself with thoughts of what else his tongue could do if he were only a couple of inches lower. Suffering didn't figure into that equation.

I turned my head, moaning from the sugary delights I imagined and the feeling of his mouth so low on my body, and only a tiny bit from the pain in my stitched palm. I noticed the water in the tub was quite high.

“Vaas.” I said trying to come back to myself.

He hummed against my skin, pleased at the sound of his name coming out of my mouth.

“Vaas.” I cleared my throat, trying to get his attention.

He tugged my panties downward more quickly with his fingers. Perhaps he thought I was impatient for something more? The sensation of suddenly being completely exposed to him, and feeling the crispness of air on my wetness, almost made me forget that the tub was about to overflow.

“The w-water. Vaas. Its-” I could feel his hot breath over my sex and I suddenly couldn’t think about much more than having his mouth on me.

I tried to pull away, he held me still.

“Vaas, I- The water. It’s… It’s-” I tensed when he leaned in about to make my fantasizing a reality. His mouth barely brushed against me, but didn’t go any further. Then he withdrew and twisted the water off. I was more disappointed that he pulled away than I thought I would be.

He drained some of the water from the tub and then helped me step in. The water felt icy on my feverish skin. It sobered me up. I sat down, whining at the chill, and settled my back against the tub comfortably. Or as comfortably as possible in cold water. It helped that the tub was luxurious. It felt like being in a pool, in some ways, and was consoling. 

I kept my hands propped up on the edges of the tub. My fingertips were still numb, but my palm fired into the beginning of its life of pain and misery. I could feel the stitches, almost to the point that I thought I could count them without looking. I was leaning towards seven. It took a while, but I found the best position. Letting my hand relax into an almost closed position without bending my fingers. It wasn’t entirely painless, but better.

“I’ll be right back.” Vaas said abruptly. He was already at the door when I turned to look at him.

I couldn’t help be curious, and the stupid part of me didn’t want him to go. I sat in the tub uselessly. I couldn’t really do anything except sit there. I restlessly let my feet float up till just my toes were proud of the water. Then I pulled my arm under, trying to see how close I could get the splints and bandage without getting them wet. After doing it once, it lost all appeal and I let my head slip under the water, getting my hair wet.

I sat up again and my eyes met Vaas’s. He was standing over the tub looking down at me. His eyes were intense for a moment, but softened slightly.

“You scared me.” I laughed a bit leaning to his side of the tub.

He smiled after a moment and reached over to the counter, producing a glass of wine. I assumed it was wine, at least. There was a straw coming out of the glass and he knelt by the tub and offered the straw to me.

I would have doubted the altruism of the gesture, and it was still my instinct to refuse it, but I wrapped my lips around the straw and drank.

It tasted like wine, which was a massive relief. I hummed my approval and looked up at him with a pleased smile. His eyes were staring at my mouth with a strange glint to them.

“Thank you.” I forced myself to say. That look in his eyes made me suspect something was wrong with the wine. Maybe he poisoned me. I sat back in the tub, trying not to look terrified that I might suddenly die.

“Do you want any more?” He asked. I shook my head.

“I don’t drink much.” I tried to excuse myself, and for all Vaas knew it was plausible.

“Just take one more sip.” He urged. “This is the best wine.”

This was probably still some sort of test. After a slow, quiet breath I obliged.

“Tastes like blackberry, with a chocolate aftertaste. Robust.” I said. I felt pretentious, like some puffed up wine connoisseur. Though it seemed to fit, it had a strong flavor. If he was poisoning me, it wasn’t with anything with a strong taste to it. 

Vaas smiled and set the glass on the counter once more. I tried not to let the fact that he didn’t drink any himself further drive me to fear.

He picked up a shampoo bottle. 

“Turn around.”

I obeyed and felt as he used his hands, his rough, hot hands, sparking with indecency to massage into my scalp. The feeling made me shiver with pleasure at first. Then it was unexpectedly overwhelming. I found myself trying to brace against the walls of the tub to stop from coming apart. This wasn’t supposed to turn me on this much, it something so mundane, I had done it to myself countless times without a lick of trouble. Why was I being driven to the brink of- of-.

“Are you alright?” He asked in a whisper, husky and low against my ear.

“Yes!” I said too loudly and after I gasped infelicitously. “I’m fine.”

I already knew I hadn’t convinced him. This was the work of the bond. It had to be! That nefarious need! It was sneaking up on me now. I expected that it would show it’s ugly face when Vaas would insist on washing my body. It was like the nurse stabbing the needle into you on the count of one instead of three. Could I never let my guard down? How would I manage this for two whole weeks? And I still didn’t have any contraception. This was dangerous. So dangerous.

I plunged my head under the surface of the water. I was going to pretend it was to rinse my hair out, but really I hoped that not being able to hear or see or feel him would snap me free of the arousal. I shook my head in frustration when I realized it wasn’t working. I stayed under until my lungs burned. When I surfaced I leaned over the far edge of the bath and panted.

There was a rush of current as the water level rose suddenly. Just as I was about to turn and see what was happening I felt him hot against my back. His hands appeared on either side of me gripping the edge of the tub.

“Do you still need something to warm you up?” His voice was sinful.

The temptation was pressing. I didn’t speak, too afraid that I would betray myself.

He kissed my shoulder through my silence. I whimpered and trembled, trying so hard not to respond at all.

“You’re so cold you’re fucking shivering.” He enclosed an arm around my torso and pulled me into his lap. I couldn’t hold on to anything to stop him. 

In the time that I was under the water, he must have undressed in the blink of an eye, all he wore was his lingling-o pendant and the bandages on his hands. The knowledge made me red faced.

I didn’t know what to do. If I were to refuse him now… I didn’t want to think of the backlash.

“Vaas. I’m scared.” I figured I would try the truth and hope for pity. “I feel out of control.”

“Shhh. Sirenita.” He pressed a finger to my lips, then felt the soft flesh with his thumb. That avarice was all I could see when I looked in his eyes. He wasn’t going to be merciful to me.

He pulled me closer, until I was straddling him. He kissed me. The ravening sort of kiss I figured him for. He was leaning back against the tub and my chest was pressed against his. I could feel the coarseness of his chest hair on my overheated skin, and his hard length pressed against my thigh.

I couldn’t resist this. I could only deny him before because his skin wasn’t on mine. Still, I attempted to. I shifted upright and looked down at him. The desire was too much. I almost unconsciously lowered to grind against him. It was too vivid, I was too aware this time. I turned my head moaning and closing my eyes. I covered my shameful face with my useless hands.

Vaas let his hands roam my body.

“¿Cuando te toco, me sientes?” He groaned halfway through his question. I had no idea what he said, but hearing him speak so intently in Spanish made me shudder with pleasure.

I needed him, I couldn’t take it anymore. I tried to line us up using my hips alone. All I did was roughly rub him against my wet folds. It tormented me but Vaas’s head was tipped back, a smile on his lips. He was enjoying my frustration.

I tried to use my broken hand to position him. Before I could dip it below the water, he grabbed my wrist.

“If you need help, ask.”

“Please.”

“What do you want?” He had a devilish look in his eyes. “Words, hermosa.”

He wanted me to be explicit. The filthy things I wanted… So many things that I could imagine that I wanted him to do. I hid my red embarrassed face behind my splinted fingers.

“Sirenita.” He pulled my hand away from my face. “If you really want it, you just have to fucking ask.”

I wanted it. So bad. But I had enough wherewithal to realize that he was setting up a case against me. He’d accused me of rejecting him after we’d fucked before because I was ashamed of myself. It was true, but not entirely. I wasn’t just ashamed, I was usually horrified by his actions too. He would use this moment against me later if I gave in.

I leaned forward and kissed him. I wrapped my arms around his head and tried to keep control over the kiss. He fought me for dominance. He leaned forward himself and knotted his fingers through my wet locks. He tugged my hair back and pulled away from my mouth. He was going to attack my neck, make me fall to pieces and give in.

“Wait.” I said, pressing my splints on his mouth.

He looked up at me expectantly. I pulled away from him, and he reluctantly let me go. I stood up and clumsily stepped out of the bath almost falling over. I didn’t know how I managed to stop myself. From the outrageous look on Vaas’s face, he didn’t either.

I attempted to pick up a towel with my broken fingers, but it just slid through the splints.

“What the fuck are you doing?” He asked, he sounded more incredulous than angry.

“I want to dry off.” I looked at him with a coy smile. “Could you help me please?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a rather smutty chapter, though I couldn't think of how I could plausibly avoid it. 
> 
> Don't look at me like that! I'm serious! 😌
> 
> This chapter's song is "Calculadora" by Yandel. The lyrics struck me as perfect for this chapter. Once again, I'm not fluent in Spanish. So it's all from what I understand, which could be very wrong.


	18. The Denial Twist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Discovering new temptations, flirting with danger, opening the doors of acceptance, and taking baby steps.

_ Wouldn’t you rather be in a bed? Think of all the amazing things you could do in a bed. The bath is just awkward. _

That was how I convinced myself to get away from Vaas. And how I managed to get my tarty ass out of the bathtub. Any cleverness I felt for the idea was erased by the fact that I was essentially tricking myself.

After he didn’t have his hands all over me it was easier to think. Then it was just a matter of scaring myself with potential pregnancy, and the death it could bring and I felt the need receding back out to sea.

Vaas didn’t do anything for what felt like an eternity. I didn’t look at him, instead I fiddled around with trying to use my hands without actually using my hands. The towel I was trying to pick up, and my hands themselves, weren’t on the same page. I achieved small success pinching the towel between the sides of my hands, I was able to lift it. I couldn’t do much with it in this position and I fumbled it when I attempted to use it.

I heard the rush of water as Vaas stepped out of the tub. He splayed his fingers over my stomach and exhaled against my neck as the rest of his body leaned into me. 

“What do you think you’re doing?” He asked while he lifted my sutured hand with his own.

“T-trying to dry off.” My face was hot again. Was the wave coming back in? I was holding my breath.

“But I like you wet.”

The hand that was on my stomach moved down. He didn’t stop until two fingers were pushed into my core, stroking me. I groaned and braced myself on the counter with my elbows when I felt my knees buckling.

“If you do that I’ll just need another bath.” As it came out of my mouth I knew it sounded like a bad porno.

“Then I want you fucking filthy.”

It sent a shiver quaking through me. There was no doubt, the need could be triggered. I’d yet to see if it was only triggered or if it was also on a schedule. 

Vaas pulled my hips back until they pressed firm against him. I could feel that he was still very much rigid and ready to go, especially now that I was leaned over and was making it very easy for him to fuck me from behind. His intentions were confirmed when I felt the head of his cock slip over my core and threaten to push into me. With the last vestiges of my lucidity I straightened up and turned around.

“We shou-” I started to speak but Vaas slammed his body against me, pinning me against the counter.

His eyes were harsh with want and awareness of my reluctance. He was on fire and knew that I was fearfully trying not to let him ignite me too. So much for being clever.

He firmly held my head in place by my hair and kissed me. It was an angry kiss. It crushed against my mouth painfully. He took my lower lip in his teeth and I wondered if he would repay me for when I made his bleed. He didn’t, he just tugged it a bit and let it go.

“I’m scared.” I decided to be truthful again. “I don’t want-”

“I know what you don’t fucking want.” He pulled my hair until all I could look at was the rusty ceiling.

“No, Vaas. It’s not what you think. I-”

“Don’t bullshit me, Sirenita.” His mouth was near my neck. He didn’t touch it directly but I could feel the heat of his breath on my moist skin and I whimpered.

“Please. Just listen for a second.” I tried to make my voice sound calm and not frantic. What I was going to say could piss him off more. In fact there was a strong chance it would. It was the only chance I had left, he was too wary and getting too good at reading me. My subtlety wasn’t enough anymore. I had to excuse myself with honesty. This was the only honesty I had that wasn’t directly insulting.

“I’m listening.” He shook my head a little to warn me.

“I’m scared of-” My face felt like it was hot enough to melt away like the Sturmbannführer Toht’s in Raiders. Vaas tugged a bit harder on my hair when I stuttered. “Of being p-pregnant.”

It was the truth. It wasn’t the only thing stopping me, of course, but it was a mighty consideration to take into account. I might not be so afraid if I was at home, with real doctors, nurses, hospitals and a kind soulmate who would be a good father. This was nowhere near that. This felt like the equivalent of medieval times, as far as prenatal care was concerned. The only doctor I knew of was kind, but very stoned. The rest of the doctors on this island were probably of the witch variety. As far as our relationship, I could only imagine Nero and Poppaea being a proper equivalent.

My eyes were tearing up so I closed them. Vaas was still firm against me, and he didn’t move. I could only imagine what he was thinking. Maybe he’d be pissed off, assume that I didn’t want children with him specifically, assume that I was opposed to his DNA specifically. Maybe he’d laugh at me. Maybe he’d be on the same page. Hell if I knew. 

“Why?” He asked, letting my hair loose enough that I could look at him.

The question was simple enough. I could tell that he genuinely wanted to know just from his tone. But I didn’t know how to answer him. Not in a way that I thought he would understand or not be upset by. Also I worried that if I did answer him, he might find a way to overcome what I complained about.

“Do we have to discuss this right now?” I didn’t like being so exposed and being forced to talk about something even more vulnerable and intimate.

“Alright, Sirenita. We could talk about it after I put my baby in you.” He said lifting my leg up around his hip. His cock was hot and hard against me, ready to just slip inside. “Would that work better for you?”

“I don’t want to die.” I said abruptly.

“I’m not going to kill you.”

“A baby might.” I retorted. “There isn’t medical care here.”

He was quiet and I was still looking at the ceiling. I couldn’t gage his response.

“That’s the reason? No bullshit?” I nodded as best I could with his fingers digging into my hair. “That’s not a fucking problem.”

His voice went from suspicious to tranquil. It all seemed to indicate that he wasn’t opposed to it at all. The idea was alarming. Maybe he really wanted kids, maybe he really wanted me to suffer. I didn’t know. I didn’t care about the reason. He let my hair loose and I looked him over with concern.

“You shouldn’t want a baby. You really shouldn’t.” His smile as good as confirmed that he was already figuring out how he’d shanghai what was needed. I quickly changed tactics. I’d have to convince him that it wasn’t worth the effort required. 

“A baby is a burden. They are weak and defenseless.  _ You _ don’t need that trouble.” This was just logical. A human trafficker and murderer shouldn’t be interested in a family.

His mouth opened to give a rebuttal. I didn’t let him speak.

“What would happen if Citra found out?” His mouth closed and his brow furrowed. I’d hit a nerve. Good.

“What if she took it? What would you do then? What could you do? Give in to whatever demand she had or let  _ your baby _ die.” I continued. “If you would just let it be murdered by your bitch of a sister for your own convenience, why even bother having one in the first place?”

His face was more troubled than it had any business being. I was getting angry looking at him. This should be fucking easy. He murdered for fun. Yet, the idea of a baby going through what he probably did to others on a daily basis was upsetting him. I could see it, and it humanized him a little. I pushed harder. 

“If you can’t stomach the idea of  _ your child _ being brutally murdered and you still want one, maybe you could also realize that your life isn’t conducive for children in general.” My voice was upset, I didn’t bother to hide it.

Suddenly he kissed me. It wasn’t an angry kiss, but it wasn’t tame either. His hands gripped the more fleshy parts of my body sensuously. I was pretty sure that my lecture had the opposite of my intended effect. That he was somehow more interested in having a baby now. Maybe he liked the fucked up idea of it all.

“You thought about this a whole fucking lot. Haven’t you Sirenita?” He broke the kiss and smiled mischievously. 

I didn’t follow where he was taking this.

“Thought a lot about me being inside you.” He added.

I opened my mouth to say something, but I just looked away and blushed. There wasn’t anything I could say to refute it that wouldn’t just make him mad, and I needed him not to be mad at me right now.

His fingers drifted across my hip and then downward. He slowly spread my labia and pushed two fingers into me. His thumb circling around my clit with the barest of friction. I gasped in surprise and then groaned quietly.

“You thought about me being so fucking deep inside you. ¿Me sientes dentro de ti?” He whispered against my lips, curling his fingers. The look on his face was unholy.

I bit back the pleasured sounds desperately trying to escape my throat. I was instantly drowning in desire again. This time the feeling of tension was so much more than before. I had been pushed to the brink too quickly.

He toyed with and teased me until I couldn't contain myself.

“Please, Vaas!” I begged. I didn’t know what I was begging for. If it was for him to continue or stop? It really didn’t matter.

His fingers pulled away and he slipped them into his mouth with a grin. He kissed me again, I could taste my own flavor in his mouth and I lost myself in the debauchery of it.

His hands caressed the skin low on my abdomen.

“You thought about a piece of me being here, a part of you.” He looked into my lust-hazed eyes with complete clarity. “Growing fucking strong in you.”

I opened my mouth, trying to fill it with words that would end this, stop him. I couldn’t think of anything except how much I wanted him to silence my doubts.

“Tu cuerpo cambiaría solo para mí.”

This was depraved, pernicious. I could feel that twisted need conforming to the idea and liking it. Logic be damned. Self-preservation be damned. This was reckless and dangerous but he made it so delicious and necessary. I blamed the Spanish.

“Quiero tanto esto, realmente.” He breathed the words. The sentence was burned into my mind. The rhythm of it, the cadence sounded like music. It was like he knew Spanish was an effective weapon to use on me, when I didn’t even know myself. He could have been insulting me and I wouldn’t know or care. Just the sound of the “r” rolling off his tongue…

I wrapped my hands around his head and forced him to kiss me again, the rest of my body clung to him. He seemed surprised. He had no right to be surprised. As punishment I wouldn’t let him get the upper hand this time. I would ravage him for once. Or at least that’s what I intended to do. 

Pain flared up in my hand so sharply and suddenly I couldn’t help stop and cry out at the hurt. I’d completely forgotten about my injury. Now it was throbbing with an unbearable edge of agony that felt like I just cut it open all over again. I squeezed my wrist, or tried to, with my broken hand and looked at the bandage with frustration and betrayal. I wanted to shake it until it stopped hurting, but just trying to a little bit made the pain so much worse. 

“Want me to cut it off?” Vaas asked with a smile, gently pulling my wrist toward his face.

“NO!” I whipped my wrist away, hurting my hand more. I cried out in irritation.

“It’s a fucking joke.” He was clearly insulted at my undisguised implication that I thought he would really cut off my hand. 

He cut off a man’s head and displayed it for his own men to see. A hand wasn’t as bad as a head. My reaction was completely justified. He would have to get over himself.

I pushed enough to get past him and walk into the bedroom. The fucking negligee was still on the bed, just waiting for him to dress me in it. I screamed in frustration and pain, trying to keep my hand limp. The pain was slowly fading. Too slowly. So much was pissing me off.

_ Way to go. You lasted less than an hour before you loused everything up. _ I chided myself.

At least I was stopped before Vaas could act on his evident pregnancy fetish. I just went along with it like a fucking immature teenager. 

_ OH? Something I shouldn’t do? Something risky? Oooo! It feels so much better when it’s forbidden! _

This stupid bond. This stupid need! It was cleared determined to fuck me over at every turn and tried to make me like it. And I did like it. That was the trouble. I did want Vaas around me, touching me… Inside me. And I hated myself for it. I shouldn’t want a man like him. He shouldn’t want a woman like me. Yet here I was standing naked in his bedroom having almost engaged with him in sexual intercourse for the third time in less than a week.

That was another thing entirely. I was a good person. I didn’t just sleep around. I could acknowledge that Vaas was my match, but enjoying the physical elements of our match felt degrading. Like I was slumming, or self-destructing; I couldn’t determine which. When I looked at it objectively, I couldn’t account for it. No one would bat an eye at me for fucking with my match if he hadn’t been the sort of man that Vaas was. Even the doctor, kind as he seemed, was surprised and judgemental when he realized the full nature of our interactions.

_ Dear girl, you aren’t  _ **_intimate_ ** _ with him are you? _

He said it like I shouldn’t be. That I shouldn’t have feelings that would be that would normally be perfectly fine, natural and expected if my match were a good person. I shouldn’t be fucking Vaas. Worse yet, I shouldn’t be liking it. I shouldn’t want to have a family with him. And for the most part I didn’t. But I would be a liar if I said I couldn’t picture myself holding a cute little baby in my arm with green eyes, like his, and enjoying the idea of it. So here I was. In all my sordid glory, racked with guilt but secretly wanting more of the thing that made me guilty. Like an addict. Exactly like Vaas had said.

I wished I could compartmentalize this. Hate him for his actions, yet hold nothing against him for our bond. Fuck him without guilt, yet hold him accountable for everything he did outside of the bedroom. As it was, it felt like everything he did was my sin too. I was tainted by association. Maybe it was because of the nature of our meeting? I didn’t meet him at a club or bar or social event or even just on the street. I met him, knew he was mine, because he’d kidnapped me and my best friend to sell as slaves to the highest bidder. I couldn’t remove myself from the aspects I didn’t like because they were mostly all I knew about him.

Vaas, as if on cue, came up behind me. His hands and arms wrapped gently around my waist and his chin rested on my shoulder. He was warm and he almost seemed to mold around my body like something pliant, yielding.

“What are you thinking?” He whispered.

“Nothing.” I said reflexively.

He kissed my shoulder sedately.

“Tell me.” He urged and his body seemed to harden against me.

I swallowed hard. There was so much I could say. I didn’t even know where to begin. From that most of it was angry, hateful, or otherwise against him. His languid curiosity would quickly become rage and hurt if he knew. I couldn’t trust him to handle his emotional disappointment with quiet dignity and grace. And I was still resentful of everything. My first reaction was still to attack him, flee or at the very least never trust him.

_ You glance at me long enough to see your lost dreams and the monster you want me to be, but that’s fucking all. _

Was there anything else to him? Could there be? Could he have dreams and hopes and hobbies like other people do? I wanted the answer to be no, but was that really the truth? I had evidence that proved I was wrong about him, not wholly but partly. It was easy to overlook and jump to extremes. Despite my reluctance to accept it, I knew, consciously, I had to make whatever it was we had together work. Things couldn’t continue this way. It just couldn’t.

“What’s your favorite thing to do?” I asked with a strained expression.

The bitter and hateful part of me was certain he’d say something vile and inhuman. Something like, “I love ripping entrails from my screaming captives.” Or even, “I love forcing women to bear my demon seed.” Both seemed likely in my mind, especially now.

“I’ll show you.” He said, and I could feel him smiling. My heart filled with anxiety. “First, let’s get dressed. You must be fucking cold.”

He helped me dress. If you could call wearing a mostly sheer negligee being dressed. He put his pants on and nothing else, then led me to the living room. He set me on the couch, where I tried to find a position that was both comfortable and covered as much of myself as I could. Vaas was fiddling around the TV

A video started playing and Vaas sat against me, his arm around me like we were just a normal couple at a theater. I sat staring at the dark screen, wondering what horrors I was going to witness. Was this some homemade video of his atrocities?

From the black, a twilight landscape appeared. A castle spire waving a Jolly Roger. Fireworks. The view pulled back until you could see the Disney Castle in all its glory, Tinker Bell arc and all.

We were watching a movie? A legit movie? A fucking Disney movie??

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm visiting my parents and there isn't a lot of time to write. It might be two weeks before I can post another chapter. Please bear with me.
> 
> This chapter's song is "The Denial Twist" by The White Stripes. I love this song. :)


	19. Pin the Grenade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Date night and deals.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess you didn't have to wait so long for a new chapter. XD  
> I wrote this using my phone. It was a really frustrating process. There's probably more mistakes than usual. Considering how annoying it was to write so much using my phone you really will have to wait until I get back home before the next chapter will come out.  
> This chapter is rather fluffy. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

It took me only a few seconds longer to realize that we were watching On Stranger Tides. The irony was too much. Sitting on a couch with a pirate, watching Pirates of the Caribbean. My brain hurt thinking about the metaness of it.

The banality of the situation was extraordinary, but I was completely floored by Vaas. He was acting normal. Well, normal for a movie buff. His eyes were practically glued to the screen and he was laughing at all the attempts at humor.

“You really like this?” I asked, not making a comment on the quality of the film as much as I was shocked that he watched movies with enthusiasm. 

“Shhh. I haven't fucking seen this one.” He hissed at me.

I rubbed my face in disbelief. This was too civilian. Too human. Then I remembered the conversation I had with Benny. It almost seemed normal too. Just two people talking. Of course the subject matter was insane, but still, I felt more normal talking to him than I had since before I came to this island. I felt guilty again. I had judged Vaas again. I felt like it was justified, again too. Nonetheless, I couldn’t keep doing this to myself or him. I had to find some sort of balance. God knows I wasn’t getting anywhere shunning him for his lack of perfection. Now that I thought about it, that’s something that Citra would do. Making out everything he did to be the worst thing to suit her agenda. I’d been acting a lot like her this whole time. I didn’t want to be Citra. Fuck Citra.

“Fuck.” Vaas pointed at the TV. “It’s you.”

I had already seen Stranger Tides months ago. He pointed at the first mermaid the pirates see. The one that sings with them.

“What??” I scoffed. “She doesn’t look like me at all.”

“Sirenita.” He said like it was an explanation and it took me a moment to understand. _Sirenita_ sounded like _siren_. Therefore mermaid. With the little Spanish lesson, I realized that his pet name for me was connected to my diving under the water to save myself from his men. It must have made the pirate newsletter’s front page. “ALMOST CAPTURED WOMAN REVEALS MERMAID HERITAGE, ESCAPES UNDERWATER, NEVER RESURFACES.” I almost laughed at the notion.

The mermaids in the movie suddenly turned vicious and Vaas grinned, clearly taken with the idea.

“You like to eat pirates too?” Vaas asked and I couldn’t tell if he was joking.

“Of course I don’t.” I rolled my eyes.

“You sure you don’t crave some pirate meat?” He said leaning over me with an almost childlike delight and I got the gist of where he was going with this. “I have a nice thick piece you can have, if you ask real fucking nice.”

I gave him a snide look and was about to say something clever, but I had a brief moment of doubt, wondering if he was sincerely offering me the flesh of one of his men, however fucked up that would be.

I was doing it again. Assuming the worst, acting like Citra. I sighed and covered my face with my hands shamefully.

“You’re too shy. Huh?”

I looked at him with an unamused look.

“I’m not really hungry for that kind of meat right now, thanks.”

He shrugged and went back to watching the movie, only he took advantage of his closeness to me and leaned against me, in between my thighs, like I was the back of an armchair. I jerked a bit in surprise but he didn’t seem to notice. The part of my mind that was against him searched for a reason or excuse to get him off of me. The part of me that was more forgiving recognized that this was the sort of thing that normal soulmates did. Cuddling, watching movies. This was okay.

It took a while but I finally relaxed. I began focusing on the movie again. I felt Vaas squeeze my knee and I winced, only to realize that the unsplinted fingers on my broken hand were absentmindedly rubbing on the back of his neck. I whipped my hand away, wide eyed. Then I scolded myself for my reaction again. I shouldn’t be upset that I liked touching him. Slowly I put my hand back and tried to pretend that I hadn’t freaked out.

Towards the end of the movie Vaas suddenly paused it and sat up.

“You’re hungry.” He said with a smile. I furrowed my brow.

“What?” How could he know with such certainty?

“I can hear your stomach growling.”

I looked away slightly embarrassed.

“It’s okay I’ll make you something.” He said and started walking toward the stainless steel hodge podge of the kitchen.

“We can finish the movie. It’s almost over.” I said remembering that he hadn’t seen it before.

“I can’t concentrate while your stomach is empty.” I grimace, further embarrassed by his admission.

“Fine.” I relented, a little miffed. “But no pirate meat.”

“That’s dessert, Sirenita.” He smirked at me. I rolled my eyes and sighed, now positive it was a euphemism, not cannibalism. 

I didn’t pay much attention to what he was doing at first. Then he dropped something metal that clattered on the floor. I felt bad. He’d fed me the whole time I was here and now that there was a kitchen I couldn’t cook for myself. It irked me. I felt like I needed to do something to help. Especially since I couldn’t really see what he was doing, his back was turned to me. 

Vaas was definitely doing something culinary in nature. Whatever he was making he was thoroughly focused. There was something heartwarming about watching him fussing over me in a domestic way, despite the way it made me feel like a burden. I smiled, feeling a giddiness in my chest. This sort of thing was something I had imagined before; my soulmate caring for me when I was sick, or injured in this case. I tried to hide my smile behind my hand as I watched. 

As he worked he caught sight of me watching him. He grinned and winked at me. I had to concede it was so fucking adorable. Just the fact that he, a violent warlord, was making me food almost made me giggle out loud.

“Hello, welcome to my show, Cooking with Vaas Montenegro. Today we’re making chicken sambal with rice.” He played up for an invisible camera. “First you have to boil the rice. You take the pot - Oh shit.”

He tried to flip the pot and catch it but he fumbled and it hit the floor. I suspected it was on purpose to make me laugh, which it did. I let a chuckle loose but tried to suppress it with my hands. Vaas picked up the pot and grinned at me in a satisfied way, before continuing with his little cooking show.

The chicken didn’t look as processed as I was used to. It was plucked and headless, but the feet were still on it, and I’m pretty sure the organs were still in it. 

“This fucking chicken, man. I don’t think it’s dead. Look, the fucker is dancing.” He held the chicken up and made it dance on the countertop. I cracked a smile and couldn’t stop a short laugh from escaping me. He looked at me with a cheery smile.

Vaas finished preparing the chicken with a large knife and a proficiency that reminded me that he was a killer. I wasn’t going to be Citra. I tried to imagine that he was just a really good chef who could cut food like he belonged in a Genzu commercial.

By the time Vaas was pulling one of the dining room chairs out for me to sit, the air smelled like something delicious and very edible. My stomach was rumbling really loudly now. I sat down and he put a plate in front of me, with another glass of wine with a straw. He pulled his own chair right next to me and I noticed that he only had one set of utensils out. He cut the chicken on my plate. It was covered in a red sauce and sat atop a pile of brown rice. 

“Open wide, Sirenita.” I opened my mouth, too hungry to care about caution or pride, as he brought a bite to my lips.

I savored the flavor. It had a sweet and spicy taste and I moaned in appreciation.

“It’s good, yeah?” I nodded in response to the question. He took a bite from his own plate, sharing the fork between us. “Damn. I can cook.”

I waited patiently for him to feed me another bite and another, uncaring about much other than my hunger and the deliciousness of the food I was given.

“Here, try the wine.” He brought the straw to my lips and I sipped it greedily. “Savor it. It’s the best.”

I watched as he took a sip himself this time. He swallowed it after a moment of indulgence, then offered me more. I tried to mimic him and slow down.

“See it’s so good.” I only nodded, realizing that watching him eat, which I had to do while I waited for my turn, made me a little tense. Looking at his lips part, the gratified expression on his face as he tasted and chewed, the way his throat shifted when he swallowed… I was getting worked up again. The idea of “pirate meat” was becoming more appealing with every bite. I wondered if it was his plan.

“Are you alright?” He asked with a cunning look in his eye.

“I’m just really hungry.” I said hoping I wasn’t giving myself away.

“Have some more rice.” He smiled putting more saucy rice into my mouth. I chewed it quickly and swallowed.

“You have some fucking sauce-” He said, bringing his hand to my face and brushing the pad of his thumb over the corner of my mouth. He then put it over my lower lip, pushing the saucy part of it into my mouth. I licked the sauce away automatically. The sweet and spicy flavor was tainted with the slight salty tang of his skin. He lingered, with his digit resting on my lower teeth. He was staring at my mouth with undisguised lust. I blushed.

After another slightly awkward moment he withdrew.

“Thank you.” I whispered and his green eyes looked into my own.

He seemed confused at what I was thanking him for. I realized that I hadn’t explained my train of thought so it must have seemed like I was thanking him for not touching me.

“I mean, thank you for the food, of course. But also thank you for helping me. I haven’t made things easy. I’m sorry.” I clarified.

“Don’t apologize.” He said feeding me another bite. “You’re welcome.”

I ate it and noticed that he got really quiet. Still, he kept taking turns between us, tempting me until our plates were clean.

Afterward, he tried to finish the movie with me, but I fell asleep. I woke up to him stroking my cheek as the credits played.

“You want to sleep?”

I inhaled and stretched before nodding.

“Let’s brush your teeth.” He smiled and I looked at him with dread.

I tried to insist that I could manage with my broken hand, since it really didn’t require precise finger articulation. He wouldn’t let me have the toothbrush or the toothpaste until I complied and sat on the counter with my mouth open awkwardly.

“It’s important.” He began as he lectured me on the merits of healthy tooth care. He finished and I was further humiliated when he had to help me rinse too. Afterward I attempted to leave but he produced a box of floss from who the hell knows where. He just smiled at me wickedly.

“Nope. It was weird enough with the brushing.” I said shaking my head.

“You should always floss. You need to.”

“I’ll make you a deal then.” I started, “You can floss my teeth, but I handle the toilet stuff alone.”

He frowned.

“Is it a deal?”

“You can’t do that either.” He lifted my hands to remind me of their uselessness.

“I’ll manage.” I insisted.

He gave me a long hard look.

“Fine, it’s one or the other. Pick which one you’ll help me with.” I put my foot down.

His expression was still hard, unyielding, like he thought that I would give in if he looked long enough.

“No deal? You get nothing then.” I said and headed toward the bedroom. 

“Nononono, please.” He quickly pulled me back and lifted me up on the counter. “Open your mouth Sirenita.”

I shook my head.

“Do we have a deal?” I insisted on hearing the promise first.

“Yes.” He said flippantly. I gave him a hard stare of my own. “Yes!”

“What’s the deal?” I narrowed my eyes.

He sighed then gave me a piercing look. He was trying to trick me but I caught him.

“You deal with the toilet.”

“Alone. I deal with the toilet alone.” I clarified.

“Yeah yeah yeah. Deal.”

I opened my mouth after giving him a smirk. He smiled back at me and wrapped some floss around his fingers. As he worked I could tell he was enjoying himself a little too much. He was gentle, but overly thorough. The whole time he had a shit-eating grin on his face, like he was a bad little boy doing something naughty. I felt like a patient with an inappropriately sexual dental hygienist.

“You haven’t been flossing.” He scolded me with a cluck of his tongue and a tap on my nose. I grumbled an unintelligible response. If my mouth wasn’t hanging open he might have heard something about how you let little things, like flossing, go when you are in a struggle for your life on an island covered in merciless jungle and murderous pirates. 

“You should always floss.” He reiterated his point, popping the floss out of my teeth. “Done.”

I rinsed my mouth, with his help, again. Then while he took care of his own teeth, I went back into the living room and laid down on the couch ready to sleep for the night.

“Fuck no. Tonight you are in the bed with me.” He said coming into the living room and seeing me snuggled against the arm rest.

“It’s okay.” I tried to say but he’d already swept me up into his arms.

As he carried me to the ridiculously ornate bed, I got really nervous or excited. I couldn’t figure out if I was dreading this or hoping for it.

He set me down and almost immediately began to shed his clothing. Once I realized he wasn’t going to stop until he wasn’t wearing anything I scooted to the opposite side of the large bed and settled under the covers, rolling over so my back was to him. I tried to act like I wasn’t aware of anything other than how tired I was. I was going to err on the side of caution and not engage in any sexy times tonight. Or at all really, at least until I figured the contraception problem out.

After a couple of moments, the sound of rustling fabric stopped and there was a pregnant pause. It ended when he climbed into bed under the covers. He leaned in close to me though just shy of touching me, I could feel his agitated breath on my back. It was like a passive-aggressive call to action. A quiet demand for attention. He’d just have to be disappointed tonight. I hadn’t forgotten about his intent to procreate. I was committed to stopping my Citra-like ways, but I wasn’t going to take things that far. I was going to be more accepting, and understanding. That didn’t mean I would shut my common sense and logic off completely. More still, I was actually very tired, and my hand was still slightly throbbing with some pain. Sleep would be a welcome respite.

I closed my eyes and it didn’t take very long for me to slip away.

* * *

“Sirenita. Please.”

My eyes opened to darkness. I couldn’t have been asleep for more than a few hours. I was slow to wake up and still very tired.

“Sirenita.” Vaas was pleading with me in almost a whisper. “I need you. Please.”

This was odd. I could tell even with my half-awoken brain. I sat up and looked at him in the darkness. He was kneeling beside me, I couldn’t tell what expression was on his face. He sounded too pitiful to actually be Vaas. I wondered if I was dreaming.

“What’s wrong?” I murmured, rubbing my eyes so I could see more clearly.

He didn’t answer with words, instead he captured my mouth with his own. Now I was sure it was Vaas. Only one man having that heady mixture of ravening prowess and sparking heat in his kiss. I broke the kiss, still not quite aware enough for the bond to crush me into submission like it usually did when he kissed me.

“What is going on?” I asked a bit more forcefully this time.

“I need it. I need to feel you.” He begged almost breathlessly as he climbed over me. “Let me take you. Please.”

 _Oh God._ I was suddenly completely awake.

He kissed me again and started pulling at my thin negligee. There was a desperation in his movements and I could feel his hands shaking slightly. The bond must have been hitting him real hard. Though it hadn’t hit me quite yet, however.

“Wait. Wait a minute.” I broke the kiss again and shooed his hands away.

“Please.” He begged again, less submissive and more frustrated this time.

“I c-can’t.” I said feeling the familiar warmth starting to course through me. Vaas groaned pathetically.

“¡Déjame poner mi pito en tu coño! Please, I’ll do anything. Tell me what you fucking want.” He gripped the lacey edge of the negligee with both hands, like he was contemplating forcibly ignoring my refusal.

I didn’t quite know what to say. The surging need was rushing over me so quick. I felt too warm and my mouth felt like it was full of dry peanut butter. I swallowed thickly, as I felt my body tense with balmy arousal. What could I do? I was going to quickly hit that wall where my brain just shut down and my lust consumed everything. Then I would wake up in the morning and feel like a whore again. He would only have to push just a bit longer and he’d make that prediction come true.

“I w-want you to spare someone’s life.”

“What?” He asked, taken aback.

“I’ll let you, if you spare the l-life of someone you were going to k-kill.” I said again with more clarity. 

My voice was unsteady. I was trying to hide what I was feeling. If he knew, he might realize he just had to wait a few more moments and I would be all his, free of charge, and I needed to feel like I wasn’t just degrading myself again.

“It’s not so fucking simple, Sirenita.” He said, his hands were still shaky as he rested against my thighs. I had to hold in a gasp at the sensation.

“I don’t see h-how.” I furrowed my brow.

“I can’t just let motherfucking pricks go. I’ll lose control over the merchandise and my men-”

“Then make it look like you aren’t granting them mercy! I know you can do it.” I said impatiently. I needed him to just agree so I didn’t have to hold the lust bomb threatening to explode inside me anymore. “Do you want me or not?”

“Fuuuck yes.” He leaned in to kiss me and I stopped him with my finger splints.

“Deal o-or no d-deal?” I demanded an answer.

“Deal.”

I leaned into him this time, claiming his mouth almost before he could finish his answer. The timer had run out. I had the brief thought that after this was over he could take it all back and not care, but that would be on him. I tried and that was something. 

That would have to be enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the comments and thanks to bakabecca for the song recommendations. They are awesome! I plan on responding to all the comments when I get back. I would respond to them now but I'm so sick of typing on my phone.
> 
> This chapter's song is "Pin the Grenade" by blink-182. The lyrics aren't quite accurate to this chapter specifically. Though the idea of pinning the grenade instead of letting it do some grievous damage does apply.


	20. Rescue My Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Convincing Vaas it isn't just lip service... With lip service. NSFW

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This equates to mostly smut. 
> 
> I feel awkward, especially because I wrote this using my parent's computer. 
> 
> I don't know if that means anything, but I don't want to think about it.
> 
> There's a lot of Spanish in this chapter, FYI.

I wrapped my arms around him and pulled Vaas on top of me as I crushed my mouth on his. He didn’t waste any time, he ripped and tore at the negligee until he could free my body from the shreds of it. His impatient act made me more hot and needy, but I could see myself running short on clothes pretty quickly if he made a habit of it. I liked having clothes.

“If you keep that up I won’t have anything left to wear.” I said as I tried to catch my breath between kisses.

“Quiero que la única ropa que lleves puesta sea mi cuerpo ciñéndose a tu perfecta figura.” He said, in a low breathless way.

Again I had no idea what he was saying. I could only assume it had something to do with what I’d said. 

The sound of the Spanish unfurling from his lips, reverberating in his chest, did something to me. It didn’t make sense to be thrown into an arousing frenzy because of a language I didn’t understand, but I loved it anyway. I was pretty sure that Vaas knew it too. I hadn’t failed to notice he stepped up his use of Spanish, especially when he was wanting a little something sweet.

He moved himself between my thighs and pulled my hips into his lap, tugging the lacy panties as he kissed down my neck. I held onto his shoulders and neck without using my hands, frantic for some sort of anchor point before I spun out of control.

All his movements were rough and lacked restraint. He stopped fiddling around with my panties to manhandle my breasts. He gripped them enough to bruise and let his teeth drag against my nipples. I could feel his length against my thigh and it sent a shiver through me. 

Vaas went back to tugging at my panties. I was too close to his torso and they couldn’t move very far down my legs at all. He stopped trying to pull them down and changed to the tactic that had proven successful with the negligee. However, the lace of the panties had a stretch to it and was more difficult to tear.

“What the fuck?!” Vaas pulled away from my chest to give the reluctant underwear more attention. He took it in both hands and tore it part, yelling in frustration as he did. I was getting concerned about how aggressive he was. He had been rough before but he seemed more ruthless this time.

Vaas pulled me upward until my forehead could rest against his. I tried to hold his shoulders gingerly to remain steady as he lifted me up onto his erection. I started to lower myself slowly, savoring the stretch. He pulled me down quickly by my hips. I gasped through gritted teeth and the nails on my sutured hand bit into his skin making it hurt from the strain. It was painful to take him so hard and sudden from this angle. It broke the hold lust had on my senses.

“Because you made me beg like a fucking dog.” He explained almost angrily.

I tried to lift myself up off him, determined to renege on my end of the deal if he was going to be uncaring. He leaned forward holding me in place until my back hit the bed once more, making sure I was still impaled. His hands were bruising my hips.

“Es demasiado tarde. You can’t turn back now. A deal’s a deal.” He said stopping my arms by my wrists, pinning them on either side of my head.

I was going to struggle. I was going to curse his cruelty and domineering nature and fight tooth and nail. Then I realized that this was a trap meant to test me. It only made sense. His taunt about not turning back gave him away. He was doing this knowing full well how I would likely react. That if nothing had truly changed between us I would attack him or flee; back out. I really couldn’t blame his caution. I’d just spent most of the day acting like I cared. Then I ignored his obvious hints that he wanted to make love. I didn’t respond to them, I ignored them. Then, when he outright begged me to have sex, I wouldn’t let him without getting something I wanted out of him first. It probably looked a lot more manipulative and malicious than my intentions actually were. In his warped sense of love, he probably concluded that I was trying to use him and that I really didn't care. That I understood that I could get more from him if I placate him with what he wanted. That I’d tolerate him as long as I got something out of it. That I was being Citra.

I had to show him that wasn’t true, but I wasn’t quite sure how. He was amazingly cunning, and intelligent and it honestly scared me because it came coupled with a penchant for sudden violence and intemperance. I had to do something that he wouldn’t expect, it was the only way I could think of and I was lucky to be thinking at all, I could still feel him within me and it made warmth and electricity shock my system every few seconds.

I wrapped my legs around his waist, trapping him against me. The rest of my body relaxed under him.

“I need you Vaas.” I said plaintively before leaning up and kissing him softly. I was terrified because I understood and had accepted it was true, in so many ways.

He was taken aback, I could tell because he was still and quiet. He was calculating his next course of action; figuring the math to counter me, keep the test going. I wouldn’t make it easy.

I clenched down on his member as tightly as I could, biting my lip at the residual ache from his abuse. He groaned and his head rested on my chest as he faltered.

“Be gentle, please.” I whispered, not recognizing my own voice. It’s breathy and sultry, much more sexy than it has any right to be.

Again, Vaas doesn’t respond beyond breathing against my skin. It’s like he’s breathing sparks on me. I worry that he is managing to figure out another plan of attack.

“I don’t think you realize how big you are.” Surely it didn’t hurt to pretend like his rough treatment was accidental, dual-purposing it as some sneaky flattery for good measure.

“Tell me what else I don’t know, Sirenita.” The lilt in his voice was fervid. “What do you want me to do?”

I was speechless, discombobulated. I don’t know how he figured out how to throw me back into it, but the test was clearly still on.

“Tell me.” He urged shifting against me a little. It was enough to make me more flustered, stopping my startled, horny brain more.

I needed to say something, but it was like I forgot how to speak. I realized my reticence was mostly due to not knowing what I could or should say. First, I didn’t spend my free time thinking of the many ways that we could make love. My lust was mostly reactionary, spurred forward by the demands of the bond. In those moments I just wanted him to pull me over the edge so I could be free of the need as quickly as possible. I didn’t give much thought to how. Secondly, I realized that even if I could think of something it meant that I’d be forced into acting it out. All the general perversions rattling around in my mind at any given time were too embarrassing to think about, let alone do.

My stunned silence seemed to draw on forever and I was sure that if I didn’t say something soon Vaas would flip the script back to being unrepentantly raucous.

“I-I… Uh…” I opened my mouth trying to make some appropriate words come out.

“You can do it, Hermosa. Come on.” He whispered. It frazzled me more realizing that he knew my brain was blowing all its fuses.

“I w-want you to… To.” I swallowed hard. “Iwantyoutouseyourmouth.”

I said the words in a rush, just letting them tumble out of my mouth. Right before I was about to say something I remembered earlier in the bathroom when he kissed down my body, halting at the top of my underwear… The idea had originally come from Fiona. She was a great friend, and usually tried to spare me the gory details of her love life. However, there was a time when we had drunk a little too much and somehow we ended up talking about sex.

_ “When you get your soulmate you gotta do it! I mean it.” She said squeezing my shoulder for stability as she stood up. “Feels amazing!” _

_ “I’m not going to do that. ‘Cause I’m a good girl.” I replied sarcastically, drunkenly mimicking my mother’s voice. “Good girls don’t do nasty things like that. We’re wired to be boring in bed.” _

_ Fiona fell back into her chair. She was laughing so hard she almost fell off the chair onto the floor. _

_ “I’m-I’m serious though!” She insisted trying to convince me by suddenly looking quite somber. “When Will goes down on me it-it…” _

_ “I get it. It’s fucking amazing. Noted.” I interrupted. I didn’t want to hear the details and she seemed quite willing to dish. _

_ “You’ll get it later. You’ll see.” She smiled goofily and took another shot. _

Afterwards, I’d tried to forget about it, but I was burning with curiosity. The more I thought about it the more secretly interested I was. Though, even back then I was reluctant at the idea of someone being that intimate with me. It seemed sorta gross when I thought about it objectively, but when Vaas was so close to actually doing it… I found any inhibitions I held on the idea just flew out of my head. 

I wanted his mouth on me, claiming every secretive inch of me. But that was when he was electing to do it on his own, any guilt would have been on him. Asking him to do it… All that humiliation and vulnerability would be on me. What if he didn’t want to? What if...

“What did you fucking say?” Vaas chortled a bit. “I don’t think I heard you right.”

_ Please don’t make me say it again! _

I realized that this was my chance to change my mind and say something else, but I couldn’t think of anything. I was panicking.

“I w-want y-you to… To use your m-mouth.” I stuttered like a fool, keeping my eyes tightly closed. It was too dark to see more than the vague shape of him, nonetheless I didn’t want to risk seeing the look of mocking hilarity or rejection on his face.

“What do you want my mouth to do?” Vaas sounded like he was enjoying himself.

“N-Nevermind.” I was too cowardly to get much more particularly than a general command. I’d hoped that it would get his engine running and he’d just take over. Making me get explicitly specific? I didn’t think I could possibly manage it without dying of shame.

I knew it was stupid to be self-conscious at this point. I was already well past being blushingly chaste, but I was hardly a sexual heavyweight. Not to mention I had only known Vaas for a short amount of time and still didn’t really trust him not to hurt me physically or emotionally. I sure as hell didn’t trust the bond to make up the difference either. Hardly the environment to try something that put my self-esteem and self-image on the line.

“No turning back, Sirenita.” He let one of my wrists go and stroked my face. “Tell me what you want.”

I turned my head away. This was maddening. And I just realized that I could have kept my request simple like, “I want you to fuck me with your cock.” He was pretty much already there wasn’t he? I was an idiot.

Why was I letting him rattle me? 

I knew the answer, it was because I was afraid his little entrapment would reveal how unready I felt for all this. I didn’t want him to realize that I still needed more time before I was anywhere close to giving him what I knew he really wanted. He wanted understanding, acceptance and love. If he realized that the sex had ultimately been as meaningful to me as jumping hurdles in a race, he’d get all psycho on me again. 

In all honesty, our physical relationship wasn’t that callous to me, but I had been wishing it was. I was afraid of us being anything more than the bond shoving a square peg in a round hole. The agency and accountability of our relationship was something I wasn’t quite comfortable with. If he knew, he might not give me the time I felt I needed to find a balance between us. Only this time the fractures of his disappointment might be permanent. I didn’t want to think of the calamitous fallout of that situation.

Really, the answer to my current problem was my own reluctance to commit. I had to stop feeling bad and worrying about what everyone else thought about my situation and just commit to it. For better or worse.

“I want you to make me cum using your mouth.” I said it slowly and deliberately; committing awkwardly.

“Lo ve, eso no fue tan difícil.” Vaas leaned up and kissed me.

My heart was pounding. Already the anticipation was killing me. My lips were trembling softly against his hungry mouth. He had released my wrists to wrap his warm rough hands around my face. Now I was unsure of what to do with my own hands. I decided to leave them where they were, pretending that he was still holding them down.

He pressed his lips to my chin and I tried to bring his attention back to my mouth, knowing that he was beginning his descent and likely would not be stopping where he had before in the bathroom. I could feel his mouth grinning as he licked, sucked, kissed and bit his way to my neck.

As per usual, he lingered, enjoying the wild reaction I had to the attention. I moaned and gasped as he marked my neck again with tender suction and his teeth. When I was making barely coherent sounds he moved lower. He pulled my back into an arch, pressing my chest up to meet his face. He sucked a nipple in his mouth making it pebble from the attention he gave it. He growled like a beast as he lavished pleasure on each mound. I tried to hold on to his head and shoulders without flexing my wounded hand or gripping uselessly with my splinted fingers.

“What am I?” He asked as he pulled away to move further down my body. I felt his cock slip out of me and my thighs twitched at the feeling. The hollowness he left behind made me whimper. 

“Tell me.”

Unlike the last time he asked, I knew what answer he wanted. I opened my mouth and found it was still hard to admit out loud. It was the truth, but I partly hoped that it was a mistake. That any day now the universe would come knocking on my door. “Sorry Miss. There was a mix-up. We have your actual soulmate here.”

The thought was stupid. I didn’t work that way. This was permanent, I knew it. And even if my childish imagining actually happened, that the universe revoked our pairing, I would feel too upset about it to just let it happen.

_ What? _

I hadn’t ever taken the thought process that far before… It was a silly but comforting concept, but I hadn’t ever thought about how I’d feel if it really happened. 

I wouldn’t want to just end it? I should. But I didn’t.

I would feel bad for Vaas, and myself. It was a sobering realization. I wasn’t completely happy with this situation, that was plain. I’d had to let go of a lot of my fanciful romantic notions and dreams. Things I had clung to for comfort for over twenty years, were just ripped away in an instant and I hadn’t been willing to let them go. I’d clung to them trying to keep them alive, but they were rotting corpses at this point. The idea disgusted me.

I could see why I held to them still, however. I hadn’t any faith in this awful place, or Vaas. I couldn’t imagine anything being even remotely close to the fantasies I’d dreamt of for decades. That was unfair of me, expecting him to live up to an impossible standard. I was acting like a spoiled brat.

I felt like I had the wind knocked out of me.

“You’re my soulmate.” I said breathlessly, like I was surprised it was true. Perhaps I was.

_ Mine. _ I was surprised how comforting the ownership of our bond was. This was mine. This relationship. This love, as uncomfortable as it still was to use that word, was mine. As broken and fucked up as we both were, this was our love to make of it what we would. I didn’t have to fight against something unstoppable, unalterable and unfair. It was mine and I was shaping it, changing it, even as I was fighting it. I had been molding it into something I hated, but I didn’t have to. It didn’t have to be a monstrous cage. It could be liberating, like the salvation I’d always hoped it could be. 

I was wide-eyed watching his movements in the darkness trying not to be overcome by tears. I was stupid. So stupid.

At my conceding acknowledgment he’d become more vigorous in his efforts. Despite my mental revelation, I was quickly falling back into the overwhelming pleasure of what he was doing to me. I tried to wring the tears from my eyes as I cried out.

Vaas held my leg and pressed a kiss to the inside of my knee. I looked at him, pawing lightly at the sheets nervously. He stared at me in the dark and I could see in the dim moonlight drifting through the dirty glass of the skylight, a shimmer in his eyes. He pressed another kiss lower on my thigh. Then lower. And lower. I watched as he got closer to where I wanted him to be.

He pulled my legs over his shoulders and dragged his scorching tongue down the rest of my thigh as he dipped low. I closed my eyes and tensed just before I felt his lips connect against my core.

I gasped and groaned, tossing my head against the pillow. It was savage and ardent. My body seized up and I clamped my thighs together around his head. The feeling of his tongue circling over my clit, making me feel like lightning was thundering through every vein looking for a way out.

“More! Vaas!” I said, realizing that I was already so close.

He forced my thighs apart and hummed against me as he continued to plunder and ravage my wet womanhood like a proper pirate.

My hands were rigid, straining as they tried to find purchase in the bedding as I begged and moaned unabashedly.

“Tienes un sabor tan jodidamente bueno.” He groaned before his tongue curled into me. I could feel the roughness of his facial hair against my moist sensitivity.

My hand flew to his head, I ignored the pain in my hand as I gripped into his mohawk. My thighs parted wider on their own.

He pushed a couple fingers into me curving upward, his tongue returned to my clit.

All at once I flew apart, like a star going supernova. I screamed something as I came. The feeling was too intense that I was sure it was some form of gibberish. I breathed, panting as I came down. Vaas seemed to be greedly consuming the resulting slick of my orgasm. I almost came again at the realization. 

All the other times we’d fucked had nothing on this. This was something else.

After he was done he pulled himself over me again.

“Did you get what you wanted, Sirenita?” He said. I smiled, nodding lethargically.

“Words, Hermosa.” He said, holding my chin lightly.

“Yes. You were amazing.” I felt witlessly optimistic, and I praised him without reservation.

He kissed me, his lips felt a little swollen and plush. I could taste the familiar tanginess of myself on his tongue and I blushed, arousal starting to claim me again.

Without a word of warning his cock prodded into me. It slipped inside without much resistance, but my thighs twitched still feeling a little oversensitive. I didn’t mind, it wasn’t the spiteful obtrusion from before.

“Déjame cum dentro de ti.” He whispered against my mouth. “Please Sirenita. Lo necesito.”

I had no idea what he said. Not a clue, but it didn’t matter. He started to move, slow at first. He pulled my legs around his waist again. He was looking at me while he thrust into me. I took my aching hands to his face and gently cradled it for a moment. I couldn’t see much detail in his expression, but I could tell his eyes were wide with surprise.

I arched my back as he sped up, his hips meeting my own more and more frenetic each time. I felt that turbulent pressure rising in me again. I could tell he was almost there.

“I’m so close, Vaas.” I panted.

“Sirenita, te sientes tan bien. Déjame hacerlo una vez más, por favor.” He said like he was begging.

”Necesito que dejes que ocurra.” He pleaded again. I wondered if he was aware that he was speaking strictly in Spanish.

I was starting to unravel. I wrapped my arms around his hard body, resplendent at the way his skin singed mine. At that moment I didn’t care about the consequences. I wasn’t worried about anything more than tumbling over the edge and bringing him with me this time.

“Yes! Vaas! Yes!” I cried clinging to him tightly.

Vaas followed immediately after hearing me cry out. He slammed into me, and groaned. I could feel heat pooling inside me. I was exhausted and satisfied. My eyes looked into his with a somnolent happiness.

He panted, breathing with me for a moment before kissing me lightly and rolling off me.

“Deberíamos hacerlo más seguido.” He whispered.

“I don’t know what you’re saying, you know.” I said curling against him.

“I know.” He murmured, wrapping an arm around me.

“Maybe you could teach me.”

“It’s more fun when you don’t know.” He said looking at me with mirth glimmering in his eyes.

“Are you going to tell me what you’re saying? Ever? You could be calling me a fat cow and I wouldn’t know.”

He just laughed in a drowsy way and turned on his side, cradling me tighter against him.

“You’d still get fucking worked up though.” He pressed his forehead to mine.

I blushed and tried to hide my face with my hand, embarrassed. He knew I liked it.

“You’ll just have to trust me.” He whispered, pulling my hand down and kissing me again.

After a few moments of feeling him protectively curled around me I fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew... My Mom kept asking me what I was writing because I looked so "serious" about it. 😬 I don't think I've typed something so fast in my life. It could be awful for that fact alone. Hopefully not, for your sake.
> 
> This chapter's song is "Rescue My Heart" by Liz Longley. I think it encapsulates our protagonist's feelings pretty well.
> 
> I'm going to take a break for my birthday. A real break this time. Or maybe not... I've become obsessed with writing this story. Sometimes I'll try to sleep and just think about what I'm doing to make happen next. Then I'm so excited to get back to writing I can't sleep till I do.
> 
> I haven't been providing the translations for the Spanish, partly because I wanted you to have the option of seeing things from our heroine point of view, if you wanted. Also I figured you could probably get a good enough translation from Google translate if you really wanted to know. I hope that's okay. Would you rather I provide translations in the notes?


	21. Surrender

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More nightmares and memories.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I didn't take a break for my birthday. I'm making a liar of myself. Ugh. 😣

The world is blackness and I realize I’m dreaming. I look at my hands checking carefully that they are my own and I’m not trapped inside Vaas again. As I’m satisfied I’m in my own body I hear a choking sob.

It’s feminine, too much to belong to Vaas, so I’m surprised to find him standing in the distance in the direction of the sound. I approach at an angle trying to see what he’s looking down at. There’s a huddled figure at his feet. I worry that he’s the source of their lament.

The woman at his feet has dark skin, she’s wearing a tribal looking, green halter dress.

“It’s not fair.” She curses angrily. I can almost place the voice. “They're taking everything away from me.”

She rises to her knees and looks back at Vaas. “From us.”

I feel jealousy flare up intensely in my heart. It’s Citra. She’s much younger than she was in the first dream. Her hair is long, braided, but unshaved. She looks softer than before, more truly lovely and less femme fatale. Vaas just looks down at her with a severe expression. He’s younger too. It’s crazy to see how fresh and unworn his face is. He barely has hair on his face. He’s a few inches shorter. He's still quite muscular though it’s leaner. His hair is longer, slicked back. Not the mohawk that I know him for in the present. He doesn’t have the long scar on his head. His clothes are different as well. I wondered how I recognized him at all when I saw him far off. His appearance must have shifted when I wasn’t looking.

“What can we do?” Vaas asked quietly, his hands at his sides, fidgeting, agitated.

Citra wiped her eyes and stood, a smile on her full lips. She reached out into the darkness and pulled a machete from it.

“You can use this.” She held the blade out to him, offering the handle.

Vaas’s eyes were wide in surprise. He looked at the weapon like it was a viper ready to strike. The innocence in his face made my heart bleed for him.

“Take it Vaas, it will give you power.” She was trying to entice him but it sounded more like a command. “We’ve always been together. We’re meant to be together. You know this. Please fight for us.”

He hesitated but nodded. His hand reached out and wrapped around the hilt and he looked over the blade.

“We’ll be together after?” He asked naively. Citra smiled wider and nodded. He reached out, attempting to touch her face. He frowned as she recoiled.

“I love you Vaas. More than you know. But I cannot give you my love until we are free.” She said it like an explanation.

He looked worried, disheartened. He looked over the machete again, seeing his own frightened expression on it.

“Did I teach you to fear? To be a lamb? No, Vaas. I taught you to be a man.” She walked around him, her voice was forceful but sensuous all at once. “I taught you to do what was needed. Take what was not given.”

The effect she had on Vaas made me fume. I could see the doubt on his young face melt away.

“You will be the greatest warrior our people have known. You will save the Rakyat from themselves.” She leaned close to his ear, so careful not to touch him. “You will save me.”

“I will.” He said and walked away into the blackness, determined.

I looked at Citra, she had a conniving smile on her lips as she watched him go. I wanted to hurt her. So badly. I wanted to hear her scream in agony and loss. This was a dream of a memory. The damage had already been done. I could do nothing to change it. I ran after Vaas.

As I chased him down he evaporated and I halted in my tracks. I scanned around looking for him or anyone. I noticed a dripping trail leading off out of sight. It looked like blood. My body practically convulses when I see it. I expected to loose consciousness again. It takes a moment for me to remember I'm sleeping. I smack a palm on my face and ran following the trail carefully. The drops led to a wide ocean. At the center of it was a small raft. A table was in the center and Vaas was sitting at it. 

I winced as I tested the bloody sea with my foot. It sank deep. I didn't want to swim in blood, I didn't want to have anything to do with it. But I needed to get to Vaas... After another moment of indecision I drove into the warm, red liquid.

I tried not to let any blood in my mouth or nose as I swam toward him. My foot kicked something solid and I screamed before paddling harder. I didn't want to know what could be lurking in an ocean of blood. Eventually the blood became shallow, I felt sandy ground greet the soles of my feet. I stood out of the water and stepped onto the wooden floor. I was surprised when I noticed the blood didn’t cling and I wasn’t wet. I didn't look like Carrie at the end of prom. I didn't even leave bloody footprints. It was weird.

Vaas was leaning over the table with a bottle of hard liquor in his hand. 

He took a long swig, emptying it. He was older, probably close to the age he was in reality. Only his eyes were dark, like he hadn’t slept in a week. He looked on edge.

Abruptly he tossed the bottle. The glass shattered on a wall that just appeared in the blink of an eye. The rest of a dirty and dilapidated bar formed around us. A man was tending bar with a look of guarded panic. He kept a sideways glance on Vaas occasionally looking at the door.

Vaas laughed in a bitter way, shaking his head wearily, when noticed someone entered the bar. It was a man dressed in clothes similar to what I'd seen Vaas wear as a teenager. He had a machete in his hands and tribal tattoos on his arms and face. The bartender bolted out the door.

“I warned you mandilón fucks from coming in here. You must be very brave or very stupid. Which is it motherfucker?” Vaas leaned back in his chair. I couldn’t see if he had a weapon and despite his bravado I worried for him.

“You have turned your back on the Rakyat. You have profaned the path and insulted Citra. You deserve to die.” He looked down at Vaas like he’s the scum of the earth.

“What is all that shit on your skin?” Vaas questions like he didn’t hear anything the man said.

“This is the sacred tatau granted by Citra. I am the warrior you could never be.” He was puffed up with pride and superiority.

Vaas suddenly looked furious. I felt sorry for the idiot in a way. He clearly didn’t understand what Vaas was capable of or how much danger he could be in.

“Well, what are you waiting for motherfucker?” Vaas smiled cunningly. “Come and get me.”

The man launched himself forward with a warcry. The blade was raised ready to strike. Vaas didn’t move until the man was less than a yard away. Just as the man thought he was going to strike Vaas down, Vaas lifted his arm revealing a gun that fired into the man’s hand.

The man screamed, dropping his weapon and falling to his knees, clutching his wrist. Blood spurted and dripped from a large hole in the man’s palm. Vaas stood, smiling cruelly down at his attacker. It was an expression I was well acquainted with. This would not end well for the tattooed fool bleeding on the floor.

Vaas shot again, this time into the man’s leg. The man screamed again, hysterically, trying to hold his leg and hand at the same time.

“I’m sorry. Did that not go the way you fucking thought?” Vaas squatted down and looked him in the eye. “I have a little hint, hermano. Guns are easier, and faster. If you weren't so fucked over by Citra, you'd know that.”

Vaas stood up, clearly pleased with the way his quarry looked at him with terror.

“I have a little fucking message I want you to give my sister. Do you think you can handle that?”

The man nodded profusely, happy for an opportunity to escape this grave misjudgement alive.

“I can’t hear you motherfucker. Speak up.” Vaas put his hand to his ear.

“Y-Yes.” The man said huffing through gritted teeth.

“I’m glad I can count on you hermano.” Vaas grabbed a length of rope and tied a slipknot loop in it. He tossed the loop over the man’s head and tugged it tight before he could respond. Vaas started to drag the man out the door. He made frantic gurgling sounds like he was trying to speak, trying to tug himself free with his blood-slicked hands.

“You have something to say?” Vaas let the tension loose just enough to allow speech.

“You said you’d let me go!” The man wheezed and coughed.

“No hermano. I said I wanted you to deliver a message.” Vaas smirked again, watching the horror consume his victim’s face as he realized what Vaas meant. 

Vaas cinched the loop tight again and dragged the man out of the room as he choked and flailed pathetically.

I stood in silence for a few seconds, not sure I wanted to bother seeing more. It was obvious that some form of torturous awfulness was on the books for that man. I was better off staying here.

Still…

“Shit.” I cursed and walked after them.

I had to know. I had to know the depth of depravity I was dealing with. If I was going to accept Vaas, I needed to know what I was accepting.

I pushed the door open and screamed at what I saw.

There was a partially skinned corpse lying on the ground in front of me lying in the dirt. I covered my mouth trying to suppress my cry. I shook my head and turned to go back into the bar for refuge only to find it was gone. Jungle had risen up where the bar should have been. There were only dense brush and trees where the door once was.

A machete struck into the ground near me making me jump and squeal in surprise. I followed its trajectory back to Vaas’s bloody hand. He was attaching a bloody, ragged sheet over a makeshift cross made of branches. It took a moment, but I realized the sheet was the tattooed parts of the man’s skin. I wanted to turn away, to vomit, something. I only stood there, horror frozen on my face as I watched Vaas standing the cross up, planting the base of it in a hole. 

He looked over his sanguinary effigy with a psychotic smile. A distant landscape shifted out of the blackness. We were on a hill overlooking a complex and large stone ruin. Vaas looked down at it with vindictiveness. 

If I had to guess the meaning of this message for Citra based only on my limited knowledge, I’d say the message was; “You can’t replace me with a tattoo on an idiot.” or “I’m not gone and I know what a fucking fraud you are.” or “I’m coming for you and anyone that stands with you.” Maybe the message was all of that and more. It was disgusting, and I couldn't believe anyone capable of doing this with a smile on their face. Yet here we were. 

I understood Vaas's motives, but the brutality of his response to emotional pain was still difficult to accept. Violence was an urge that I rarely acted on. For Vaas, he seemed to rarely miss an opportunity to indulge in savagery. I felt a small doubt again. I accepted that this was part of him, and that I cared about him so much regardless of it. But I didn't know how much of his past, present and future I could handle without going mad.

The sound of slow steady clapping came from behind me. I turned to see a man approaching. He had a delighted grin on his narrow face. He was slim, wearing a red shirt and a dark blazer. He was a white man, with brown hair and cold, blue eyes. He seemed out of place.

“How ironic.” He had a South African accent. “I’ve been looking for the man who’s been fucking up the natives. Ironic you’d be a native yourself. They told me, of course, but who the fuck would believe it?”

Vaas looked the man over with slight hesitation.

“Who the fuck are you?” he asked.

The man laughed, seemingly genuinely amused at the question. He wasn’t physically imposing, but something about him made me uneasy, nervous.

“‘Who the fuck am I?’” He laughed again. “I’m only the man you’ve been getting your fucking fix from.”

“Hoyt.”

“Yeah. Hoyt. Of course Hoyt. Who else would I fucking be?”

They looked at each other for a moment in silence.

“I find myself in need of some help. You seem to be in constant need of what I can provide. I think we can solve each other’s problems.” I moved out of the way as Hoyt walked forward. When he came to the corpse he kicked it over and appraised it, then looked at the skin draped on the cross, then looked at Vaas.

“Melodramatic, I like it. Real talent there. Those six you offed last week were a touch of genius too. Real art...”

“What do you want?” Vaas sounded almost bored.

“I want you to keep doing what you’re doing.”

“But on your leash.” Vaas flashed one of his intense _don’t fuck with me_ looks.

“You’re already on my fucking leash!” Hoyt was suddenly yelling. “How long do you think you can go without my product??.”

After a moment of quiet, Hoyt’s angered expression slipped into a smile.

“I can give you more than a leash. Money, power, revenge, as much pussy and drugs as you want and this fucking island for starters. I reward loyalty.” Hoyt circled around Vaas much as Citra had. “I’m not asking much. You just take orders from me, and follow my rules.”

“What are the rules?” Vaas didn’t look excited, he looked dead inside.

“We can discuss that at my satellite office over a drink. Or do you prefer crystal?” He laughed and wrapped an arm around Vaas like they were the best of pals. Vaas looked like I normally did when Vaas was forcing a physical interaction on me; stiff and very concerned for my life.

Their builds were very different. Vaas was hardly a bulky giant, and Hoyt was noticeably thinner and shorter. It bothered me that my Vaas was clearly afraid of this man. I was already fearful of Hoyt on my own without a real reason I could name. Vaas being fearful made my own apprehension worse. Hoyt, the monster monsters fear.

“Your name is Vaas. Right?” Hoyt directed Vaas toward an SUV.

“Yes.” He confirmed as they both climbed in and drove away. The dust that flew up from the tires made the world around me fade.

I was alone in the black world again.

 _Hoyt_.

Vaas had escaped Citra’s bullshit, but wasted no time getting under someone else’s thumb. Someone worse. I knew he was in pain. From the little I knew how could he not be? The brutal lengths he was willing to go to for that pain made it something I hardly understood, if I could possibly understand it at all. But couldn’t he see that Hoyt was just like Citra in that way? He was on Citra’s leash, now he was on Hoyt’s. I wanted nothing more than to free him from both monsters. But I didn’t want to just become the next person holding his reins. I knew that Vaas didn’t want that either. He went on the offense when he suspected I was using him. At least subconsciously, he wanted our relationship to be different. I would try. Still, Vaas being on someone’s leash meant I was too, by extension. 

I couldn’t imagine that Hoyt would be too happy about me. Vaas might not kill me when it was more convenient to do it, I got the impression that Hoyt wouldn’t hesitate. This situation seemed more impossible by the second. I had to do something, figure out some way to free us, both of us. I couldn’t be truly at ease until I did.

There was a footstep behind me and I jolted, turning to see what it was. I didn’t see anyone on the empty, black horizon, but I felt like I was being watched.

I walked, in no particular direction, hoping that I would find Vaas again. I knew he would be just a memory and couldn’t perceive me, thereby being of no help if I needed protection. Still, it felt more comforting to know that he was there somehow.

I heard more footsteps shuffling fast behind me and I couldn’t help but stop and look again.This time I could see a figure far off. It didn’t make sense, the footsteps sounded so close. I turned and looked around again. I saw nothing. I heard the footsteps again. I looked back at the figure, to my horror it was closer. I stared, it was still far enough away that details were hard to see. Green pants, red shirt, dark skin. The figure suddenly pivoted like it was on a pole. I screamed when I realized that it was Kulon. I broke out into a run.

“Oh God!” I looked around madly, trying to find an escape from this place or find something that could offer protection. I needed Vaas. Not the memory, my Vaas. I felt like he was here somewhere, but where? The sound of quick steps sounded behind me again. Like an idiot I looked behind me as I continued to run. Kulon was closer, close enough that I could see the pole that held him up peeking through the seam of his neck. I screamed again.

As I attempted to run harder I tripped over something. _Something_ that croaked for help. I knew without looking that it was Gael. I couldn’t get to my feet fast enough so I crawled. I looked up and saw Vaas on the horizon.

“Vaas!” I cried. “Vaas! Help me!”

He didn’t move. He couldn’t even hear me. I started to sob, my vision started to blur. I felt a cold hand snatch my ankle in an iron grip.

“VAAS!” I screamed bloody murder as the world blurred away with my tears and many dead hands clawed up my legs.

* * *

I jerked awake panting. I sat up. Cold sweat was on my skin and I looked around the dark room with terrified eyes. There was a soft snore beside me and I jumped, almost screaming, before I remembered that I was in Vaas’s bed.

His arm tightened around my waist a little, but other than that he seemed to be asleep. I breathed until I wasn’t huffing in air like I’d been running a marathon. I looked at Vaas, his face seemed perfectly peaceful in the darkness.

I wondered if he dreamed of my memories. If he did, it would explain the peaceful look on his face. My life back home held no horrors, no violence. Just seemingly sourceless melancholy and anger. Compared to his life, even at its worst, my life would be a cakewalk to him. A break from the hell his own life had been.

I sighed and carefully moved out from under his arm. He didn’t respond so I left the bed and went into the bathroom. Now was as good of a time as any to figure out how I was going to use the toilet without help. At least I wouldn’t have an eager audience who might be inclined to help if he thought I was struggling too much.

It was difficult and a little painful but I managed to devise a method that would get me by. Washing up afterwards was more difficult to be honest, but I figured that out too.

When I finished I looked in the mirror. My body was littered with small bruises. My hips had bruises in the shape of Vaas’s hands. My neck had so many love bites. And I was sore all over; especially between my legs, where Vaas had been too rough and my stitched hand. My face looked exhausted, and my hair was a disheveled mess. 

How could anyone want this mess of a person?

A long, weary sigh escaped my lips as I splashed water on my face. I gave myself one more appraising glance before I went back into the bedroom. Vaas was still sleeping, his arm was still where I’d left it. I climbed back into bed. I didn’t bother to move his arm and laid next to it instead.

I closed my eyes and tried to sleep again.

I couldn’t.

I opened my eyes and was reluctant to close them again. I could see Kulon, Gael, the nameless pirate I shot by the gate or the tribal man that Vaas flayed on the backs of my eyelids. The dead eyes, the crying for help, the lack of skin, the blood. The images and thoughts wouldn't leave me. I tried not to look anywhere in particular, fearful that these revengeful revenants would be standing in the room with us.

 _This is ridiculous._ I scolded myself. I wasn't a child anymore. I knew this was irrational and not real. Absolutely all in my head, I knew it. Still the terror grew in my heart. If I couldn't escape the ghosts in my dreams, where could I go? What rest could I find?

I was so tired. I would eventually succumb to weariness and they would get me. It felt like a trap. If I did try to stay awake I would be in a world of trouble sooner rather than later. Especially if Vaas noticed. He’d probably knock me unconscious with the sight of blood or a drug of some kind if he suspected I wasn’t sleeping enough. It was annoying, his unrepentant and consent-less system of care. At the same time I could see that it was probably a sweet gesture in Vaas’s mind. He was taking care of me, whether I liked it or not. Care was care. And if I had to pick, I would rather have someone who forced me to be alive and well, than the opposite.

I looked at Vaas again. I wished he could protect me in my dreams like I suspected he would outside of them. I lifted his arm around me and pulled in close, snuggling against his chest.

“What happened?” He mumbled half awake. His body moved to accommodate me lethargically. 

“Nothing.” I whispered a lie.

He was warm and electrifying as usual, but it was comforting, not arousing, this time. I could hear his heart beating steadily. I exhaled a slow and shaky breath, closing my eyes. His arm tightened around me a bit.

“Just tell me what's wrong.” He sounded fully awake now.

“I’m fine.” I lied again.

“You’re fucking shaking.” He said matter-of-factly.

I looked at my hand and noticed a slight tremble. I let go of him and pushed away with a frown. I winced when I felt pressure building behind my eyes, like I was going to start crying.

 _Don’t you fucking dare._ I warned myself against surrendering to my tears.

“It’s Gael and Kulon, isn’t it?” He pulled me back into his arms tightly.

I was shocked. He hadn’t believed me before. Acted like I was making trouble for him or being coy. Now, when I hadn’t made any mention of it, it was the first thing he assumed. What changed his mind? What convinced him?

“I’ve got you Sirenita. I’ll protect you from those dead pricks.”

I was stunned again. This was the sort of thing I hoped for from a soulmate but never expected was possible from Vaas. The dam broke. Tears rolled out of my eyes and against Vaas’s warm skin. I was ashamed and wiped them away.

“Shhh. It’s okay.” He hushed me gently, pressing a kiss to my forehead before resting his chin on the top of my head.

Who the hell was this man? And what happened to the real Vaas?

I cried more, wondering why he was being so sweet and affectionate with me. The idea that he could be so good made me more of an emotional wreck and I couldn’t help but loathe myself for my lack of tear duct control. What was wrong with me? What was wrong with him??

After a couple minutes of crying into Vaas’s strong chest while he whispered comfort to me, I fell asleep again.

“Ahora dormir tranquila, yo vigilaré vuestro sueño.” Was the last thing I heard before drifting away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More peeks into Vaas's history. Well, his history according to me. This is an AU after all.
> 
> This chapter's song is "Surrender" by The Birthday Massacre.


	22. Ugly Boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Interesting choice of words, with a twist ending.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't edit this at all yet. I'm just posting it before I collapse from exhaustion. I'll be checking and editing later so some stuff might change.

I had no dreams. No nightmares. At least none that I could remember or dwell on once I’d woken, thank God.

When I slowly came back from the peaceful dark I had my arms around Vaas. He was fully dressed and smelled like he’d taken a shower. My head was on his chest and I could hear his steady heartbeat. 

“You awake?” He was softly stroking my arm.

“Yes.” I said with a rough voice and cleared my throat.

I looked up at him and he was smiling at me like he knew something I didn’t.

“Did those fucks come back?” He brushed his thumb over my cheek.

I shook my head as the memory of what had happened last night came back. The nightmarish memories, Gael and Kulon, and how kind and understanding he’d been to me.

“Good.” He tilted my chin and pressed a short kiss to my lips.

I suddenly remembered what’d happened before I fell asleep the first time. I felt my body shiver with need at just the memory. 

“What did you dream about?” He asked hesitantly.

I looked at him with surprise on my face. His own expression looked slightly unsure.

I didn’t know what to say. I could say the truth but what would happen if I did? The other option would be to not say anything at all and that would as good as confirm that I’d seen something terrible. Lose lose.

“You were young and Citra asked you to kill for her. I think it was the first time.” I put it as simply as I can.

He scratches his fingers over the scar on his head and doesn’t look at me. Again, I’m at a loss how he could be so upset about it when he was so violent normally. Did part of him regret his life, his need to brutally kill?

“Was that all of it?” He murmured.

I could lie and he’d never know I’d seen something else, something worse. I could just say that Gael and Kulon showed up and that was that.

“I-” I started to speak with the intention of jumping over the part with the skinning, when I felt bad about it. Why? I hadn’t murdered him. I hadn’t skinned him. Why should I feel badly about not telling Vaas I knew what he’d done?

“Then you were older and a tattooed man came to you, threatened you, attacked you. You shot him in the hand and leg.” I took a deep breath when I finished my sentence. Vaas stiffened a bit. He knew where things were going. If I stopped there, Vaas would probably worry that I knew more. He hadn’t lost his mind at the truth yet. Maybe it was best to just tell him everything. “Then you skinned him, made him a message for Citra.” 

“Fuck.” Vaas grimaced.

“A-And Hoyt came.” My voice trembled just thinking about him. “He offered you a job. Then you went with him. While I was looking for you Kulon and Gael came for me.”

I finished and felt like I’d held my breath the whole time.

“That’s all.” I said when I noticed Vaas looking at me like I had more memories to reveal.

“Sirenita, don’t- Don’t fucking think about it.” He looked at a loss for words, like he didn’t know how to say what he was feeling.

“I can’t.” I admit. I would never be able to get the imagery out of my head.

“Motherfucker!” He moved me aside and sat on the edge of the bed.

“Vaas, please talk to me.” I could see irritation in his movements. “It bothers me more when I don’t understand.”

I pulled in close to his back and wrapped my arms around his waist, trying to comfort him.

“Understand?? You’d fucking break.” He turned till he was facing me. He cupped my face in his hands looking in my eyes. He looked tired, I probably kept him up half the night.

“I’m not going to let anything bad happen to you, Sirenita.” He leaned in close. “Not fucking ghosts, not my men, not Citra, not Hoyt. Not even myself. Fucking nothing.”

I understood the dream of me in a cage better now. It wasn’t just to keep me only for him, it was to keep me safe, protected from the fucked up life he had to live. Out there, he had to be Vaas, horrible human being extraordinaire. Here, he could be a better man for me. And his policy of ‘nary the two worlds shall meet, was to keep me happy. 

I wanted him to stop with the killing and the torture and the other unspeakable things he did, but I didn’t take the time to think through how he’d actually stop doing them. Hoyt wouldn’t just let him retire. He had responsibilities to meet. Having a whiney and contrary soulmate doesn’t make those things disappear. I suspected that the violence I abhorred would be switched on us if Vaas lost control of his business.

_I can’t just let motherfucking pricks go. I’ll lose control over the merchandise and my men-_

I didn’t believe that he was upset about what he’d done. It was a means to an end for him. If he was a crazy, deadly bastard that you couldn’t see coming or anticipate, it made his job easier. Like all the famous pirates throughout history. They had their mystique, their ways of striking fear into their enemies. If the crew surrendered out of fear before you had to fight, you would make a bigger profit and less risk on what you stole. In an objective way, it was just good business.

I didn’t excuse it, but I understood a little.

“Vaas. I’m not so fragile. You aren’t going to break me with the truth.”

He gave me a vehement look that seemed to say; _yeah, right._

“I saw some pretty horrible stuff in my dreams, stuff that you did. I’m still here, and I’m not broken.”

“You are. You fucking are.” He accused me. “You see that fuck, Kulon. He haunts you.”

“That’s different.” I stated, feeling like my mouth was dry.

“How the fuck is that different?” Vaas asked. “I killed that cock-sucker.”

“It was my fault!” I shouted without meaning to.

“What the fuck are you talking about?” He seemed dismissive.

“If I hadn’t been such a problem, I wouldn’t have been so desperate for you- I wouldn’t have been trying to satisfy myself in the shower. He wouldn’t have seen me. You wouldn’t have gotten jealous and killed him. I’m the reason you made him a scarecrow.” I cried and hated every tear.

“That’s bullshit, Sirenita.” He said. “If you think that I took that fuckers head off because he saw you needing me, you’re fucking wrong.”

My wet eyes are wide.

_What?_

What other reason could there be? He saw me pleasing myself and spread it around.

“What? Why then? Why would you kill him so… So… brutally? Why would you make an example of him?”

“I swear to God, knowing that motherfucker saw you pisses me the fuck off. The way he looked at you... But he died because he was an idiot.”

God bless the idiots of this island. Vaas apparently wouldn’t suffer fools to live on reason of being foolish.

“He was an idiot who thought he had a big fucking dick. He was talking about you. The fucking things he said… Telling any fucker who could hear him what he’d fucking do to you if you were ever alone. Who the fuck did he think he was? I was gonna put a bullet in his skull for insubordination. Remind all the idiots who listened to him who had the dick. Who’s motherfucking island it was. But I took his head after I found out he was going to tell Hoyt about you.”

My blood ran cold at the idea of Hoyt knowing I existed.

“His big fucking plan was to take over the island, after Hoyt killed me. Fucker doesn’t know Hoyt. Or me.” His eyes flashed murderously.

“You know, I enjoyed watching him die. Problem motherfucking solved.”

He turned to look at me. I wasn’t sure what I felt about it anymore.

“Don’t cry for that fucking prick anymore.” If he meant it to be kind, I didn’t know. It sounded like he was warning me.

“But Gael was-” I was trying to remind him that it wasn’t just Kulon tormenting me when he cut me off.

“Gael deserved to die. He tried to rape you, no? You had the right to take his life.” The words sound dismissive, flippant even.

“But-”

“No buts, Sirenita.”

“But-”

“Do you have a problem in your head? I said no buts.”

“I LIKED IT!” More tears came and I cursed them under my breath.

“What? You liked him trying to rape you?” Vaas looked dangerously upset.

“NO! I l-liked… I liked h-hurting him.” I hung my head and covered my face with my hands.

My sobbing was interrupted by the sound of Vaas’s laughter.

“Good.” He said holding my face and wiping my tears away with his thumbs. “That fucking good.”

I shook my head, removing my face from his hands.

“No. It’s bad. I’m not like that. I’m not! I’m not like-”

“Me.” He finished my sentence grimly. “You aren’t like me.”

He stood up.

“That’s not what I was going to say.” I said, catching his wrist with my wounded hand and ignoring the pain as I tried to tug him back to me.

His muscles tensed and flexed but when he looked at my pained expression he pulled my hand off and sat back down.

“Stop trying to hurt yourself, Sirenita.” He was quiet, weary sounding. “You hurt yourself enough already.”

He attempted to look at my hand to make sure it was okay. I lunged on him. My emotions were running away with me and I didn’t give a thought to propriety. My arms were tight around his neck and I pressed light kisses on his face. 

“Vaas, I lo-” I halted mid-sentence, realizing what I was about to say without thinking. I was shocked as hell at myself.

Those were some scary words about to fall out of my mouth. I’d never said them in a romantic way before. Understandably. Despite how many men I’d dated and how many times I felt it, I held the words back. I wasn’t going to say them to anyone but my soulmate. It’s not a surprise that I never ended up saying it. Yet, here I was, with my soulmate and I was still holding back, out of fear rather than romantic sentiment.

Even out of a romantic context I didn’t say it often. I didn’t want it to end being a routine devoid of meaning and feeling. When I said it I meant it, everytime. Did I mean it now?

My heart was pounding and I looked at Vaas with a confounded expression. He was very still, looking me in the eye, waiting. He’d realized what I was about to say.

I got off of him and turned away. I was analyzing everything. Every interaction, every word we’d ever spoken, calculating the worth of what he’d done for me. It felt like I was frozen with indecision and callous calculations for an eternity before I realized that I was looking for reasons to justify my feelings instead of recognizing my feelings for what they were. Asking myself what he’d done to deserve my love, completely overlooking the fact that I loved him.

I turned my head slowly looking back at him.

“I love you.” I said it like I was astounded. There was probably a stupefied look on my face. I was preoccupied with the fact that I was crying, yet again, that I didn’t give my expression any thought.

Vaas swallowed hard. His eyes were intense and startled.

“Did you really mean that or are you just bullshitting me?” His tone gave away that this meant a lot to him.

I didn’t respond right away. When had it happened? When did I go from hating his guts to loving him? I quickly determined that I hated him for being him at first, then after a certain point I hated him because of how I felt about him regardless of who he was. This whole thing had been fucked up and impossibly complex from the get go. It wasn’t really that surprising I didn’t think about or care to think about how I felt about anything until now.

“I love you, Vaas.” My voice was hoarse and almost a whisper.

There was another few seconds of silence between us. Vaas looked like he was doing some calculus in his head. It made sense he wouldn’t handle this gracefully or easily. It even made sense he’d doubt me. All that was without taking the mindfucking of a lifetime Citra gave him when he was a child.

I knew from the dreams that she wasn’t shy about using those three words. No doubt he was conflicted about them.

I lifted Vaas’s hand trying not to hurt myself and put it over my heart.

“My heart is pounding for you.” I whispered, realizing that I was naked this whole time. I blushed and felt goosebumps form on my skin as his fingertips made me tingle warmly.

“Say it again.” He finally spoke.

“My heart is-”

“Nononono.” He interrupted. “The other thing.”

“I love you.” It was getting easier to say.

“You fucking love me.” He sounded like he couldn’t believe it.

“Yes-” He suddenly kissed me, stopping me from speaking.

“She loves me Carlos!” Vaas shouted, suddenly breaking the kiss.

_What a weird thing to say._

“That’s great Jefe.” A hesitant voice came from the kitchen.

I turned to look back through the doorway. The pirated that’d helped Vaas when my hand was cut was leaning against the counter, his back to us. I immediately tried to hide behind Vaas but he held me in front of him. I pulled the sheets up to cover my nakedness instead.

“It’s just fucking Carlos.” Vaas dismissed my modesty. I gave him an indignant look.

“You’re right. This should be a private moment. Hey! Carlos! Take a walk, man.”

Carlos sighed and pushed off the counter with annoyance before leaving the flat.

“What the fuck, Vaas!? You could have at least told me that he was here! I thought you didn’t like it when your men saw me.”

“I made him turn his back. He didn’t see a goddamn thing.”

“But he heard. He knows… Everything. I- I-” I stammered trying to form my upset into coherent words.

“You don’t want anyone to know you love me?” He asked seriously.

“That’s not it. I was gonna… I was hoping that we could…” My face was red at this point. I was so flustered and the fact that he was stroking my hip listlessly didn’t help. 

“You hoped we could, what?” Vaas asked with false innocence and a devilish grin.

“You know full well what I hoped!” I hissed. “And thanks for saying you love me back, by the way.”

I grumbled sarcastically and furiously climbing out of bed taking the sheet with me.

“Come here. Come on.” He held the end of the sheet in his hands, tugging me back to him. I sat on his lap refusing to look at him.

“I love you.” He whispered in my ear. “I did since the moment you tried to fuck up my face with your little fist.”

I huffed my disbelief. And folded my arms in defiance.

“You know, after you laid me out, I couldn’t fucking believe it.” He chuckled. “I thought there was no way I was this fucking lucky. No fucking way this beautiful girl was mine.”

He wrapped his arms around me, letting his hands drift and feel me through the sheet.

“After Citra… I don’t know. I thought I didn’t get to have anybody. And suddenly there you were, fighting my men, not taking my shit, beautiful as fuck. It was like you were saving my soul. So fuck yeah, I love you.”

I was embarrassed at the unexpected depth of his feelings, all I managed to say was ‘I love you’ like a dope.

“Sirenita?” He pulled me around until he could look in my face.

“That was beautiful.” I said with a smile.

He grinned back.

“But I’m still mad about Carlos.” I frowned suddenly and turned away.

“Yeah, you’re shy. I forget.” He excuses me. “Carlos isn’t here right now. What did you say you were hoping for?”

I blushed again remembering my intentions to make love.

“Maybe it was a kiss?” He said after a minute of my silence. He leans over to kiss me and I lean away until I fall with my back on the bed. He moves over me and kisses me fervidly, pinning me under him. It doesn’t take many of his electric kisses before I’m forgetting why I’m mad.

His tongue slides into my mouth and I’m moaning from the erotic thoughts in my head. I wrap my leg around his hip and pull his head tighter to me with my arms.

“Greedy.” He murmurs between kisses.

Just as things are starting to turn in the direction I hoped, there’s a banging at the door.

“Jefe! You ain’t got a lotta time.” Carlos calls through the door.

I furrow my brow and look at Vaas questioningly. He sighs and stands.

“Bring her in then!” He shouts back.

The door opens and Carlos comes in pushing his SMG into the back of a woman. She has brown skin and short black hair. She’s wearing an orange bikini top and denim cut offs. She looks terrified out of her mind.

“What’s this?” I ask with dread trying to secure the sheet around me more.

“I’m sorry, Sirenita. I’m going to be fucking busy for a couple weeks. I might not see you for a while.”

I look at him with shock and disappointment. We just started to figure things out and he was leaving??

“But- But-” I start trying to protest.

“I know.” He strokes my cheek lovingly with the back of his fingers. “You need someone to take care of you when I’m gone. That’s why this puta is here.”

“Vaas, wait-”

“Sorry, she’s shy. This is my Sirenita.” He was speaking to the frightened woman. Her eyes were on him like he was the devil come to drag her to hell. “Hey. Pay fucking attention.”

The woman flinched, but eventually nodded.

“You are gonna take care of her, whatever she fucking wants or Carlos will blow a hole in your forehead.” He stepped forward and tapped her between her eyebrows. She was shaking. “And then I’ll fucking skin you and send it to your fucking family.”

I believed him. I could tell the woman did too. I felt so sorry for her.

“You harm one fucking hair on her head- I’ll make you wish you were dead.” He leaned in close to her. “What are you going to do?”

“I-I help her. Take care of h-her.” She tried to back away from Vaas, but the barrel of Carlo’s SMG poked into her back.

“Such a good little puta.” Vaas smiled evilly and turned back to me.

“Don’t do this.” I begged quietly.

“Shhh. It’s okay, Sirenita. Hoyt wants me to do some things.” I swallowed loudly at the sound of his name. “I’ll try to be back as fast as I fucking can.”

“When? When will you be back?” I was tearing up, I wiped my eyes quickly.

“I might see you some nights. I don’t know exactly.”

“Oh.” I frowned and looked at my toes peeking out from under the sheet. “What about my stitches? The doctor said i should come back in two weeks.”

“I’ll be back by then. If not, I’ll have Carlos take you.”

“Is there no way I can come with you?” I whispered.

“Hoyt.” Vaas whispered back, looking me in the eye to make sure I understood.

“This is so sudden. I-” I tried to think of how to phrase it. “What if I _need_ you?”

I tried to imply that I'm referring to the needs of the bond. He nodded like he got it.

“Creo que muero si no siento el roce de tu cuerpo junto a mi.” He kissed me with a sad smile. I searched his eyes for some sort of meaning in the Spanish. “It’ll be okay.”

He walked toward the door and halted turning back.

“I almost fucking forgot.” He pulls something out of his pocket and hands it to me. It’s some sort of phone or radio. “I’ll call you. Don't try to call me.”

He smiles and steps out the door and Carlos follows, closing the door behind him with a slam.

I’m standing in the living room with a strange young woman - who is now sobbing uncontrollably - wearing nothing but a sheet. Then I remember the promise from the night before.

I rush to the door and pull it open. Vaas is about to leave the warehouse.

“Remember your promise! Our deal!” I shout after him leaning on the stair rail.

He stops and turns back toward me and bows dramatically with a wink and a wicked smile.

"Remember to floss, Sirenita!" He shouts before stepping out of the warehouse and out of view.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's song is "Ugly Boy" by Die Antwoord. Their song "I Fink U Freaky" is featured heavily in the game. The flashbacks of the club and Vaas's fortress respectively. "Ugly Boy" is more perfect for this fic, however. 
> 
> I'm not implying that Vaas is ugly, physically. I think he's quite attractive, though I recognize he isn't a typical sort of handsome. In this case, I think it's his behavior that can be ugly.


	23. Bad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The time without Vaas begins. Awkwardness and frustration abounds. Vaas gets a naughty surprise.

I went back into the flat and closed the door behind me with some effort. I leaned against it and looked over the phone he’d given me. It looked rugged, military-esque, the color of desert camo. I wasn’t supposed to call him, he’d call me. I suspected it was because Hoyt could be in the proximity at any given time.

Hoyt. He could have found out about me. Part of me didn’t understand why Vaas needed to keep me under wraps. Surely some of Hoyt's other men had soulmates. Maybe even Hoyt himself did... I felt sorry for whoever that was. Though I'd already figured that it would be better for this sort of business not to be tied down to anyone, especially a soulmate. I was Vaas's weakness and Vaas knew Hoyt better than I did. Though it didn't take a genius to see that Hoyt was the sort of person to exploit weakness. Vaas must have felt that way too, otherwise why care about Kulon talking?

The sound of a choked sob hit my ears and I remembered the woman, my new caregiver. I looked around the room, I couldn’t see her. I walked around the edge of the counter following her distraught noises. She was huddled against the counter near the wall, holding her knees to her chest and burying her face in them.

What was I supposed in this situation? Poor woman was probably kidnapped, torn away from her family who were somehow still alive, per Vaas’s implication that there was someone to send her skin to. Who knows what she’s had to endure in her captivity already? Then she’s brought before Vaas and told that she has to be at the beck and call of another woman, in Vaas’s home no less, or death is the least of her problems. I had a lot of sympathy for her. Though Vaas had only threatened my life for a short time before the bond was revealed, I knew the fear he could cause. But at the same time, I did need help. I wouldn’t be able to dress myself very well or easily or at all. I would need help bathing, eating and cooking. All these things required working hands, hands I didn’t have and she did.

“Ummm... It’s okay. Really.” I stood next to her, holding the sheet against me as best I could.

She flinched at the sound of my voice and looked up at me like I was some demon tormentor ready to start torturing her. 

“What’s your name?” I asked with as friendly a smile as I could.

She looked around, scanning the place for escape. She stood and quickly bolted past me toward the door.

“That's probably a bad idea.” I warned as she wrenched the door open and started down the stairs.

“Stop right there!” I heard Carlos’s voice. “Where the fuck do you think you’re going, bitch?”

I gritted my teeth and ran to the door.

The woman was on the stairs and Carlos was standing in the warehouse doorway aiming his gun at her. She was shaking, panicking as she stared down his gun.

“It’s okay, Carlos.” I started, trying to sound nonchalant. “I thought I’d dropped the phone when I came out just a moment ago. I asked her to get it for me.”

He hesitated, looking at me, trying to read me while keeping his gun on her. I frowned, scolding him with my eyes and he finally lowered his weapon.

“Fine. But just so you get me, Vaas said you aren’t allowed outside, either of you, without his permission.”

“He didn’t say that to me. I didn’t know.” My frown deepened. Vaas was at DEFCON 1 already.

“Now you know. Get that bitch inside.”

I stepped down the stairs and put an arm around the woman. She jumped under my touch and snapped her head to look up at me.

“Sorry about Carlos. He’s sort of cranky. Come on. It’s better in here anyway.” I tried to keep my voice light.

“You’d be cranky too if you had to fucking babysit bitches.” He grumbled pulling out a cigarette and leaning against the large rusty door.

The woman turned and looked at me, still terrified, but with a little bit of gratitude showing through. I walked her up into the flat again. Once the door closed behind us she fell to my feet bowing like she was worshiping a goddess.

‘Thank you! Thank you!” She cried grasping the edge of the bed sheet and kissed it.

“It’s okay. Don’t worry about it.” I murmured uncomfortable with the reverence.

I let a long awkward moment pass between us, hoping she’d find her feet on her own. When she didn’t I leaned over and put my hand on her shoulder.

“Hey, it’s okay.” I smiled despite how weird it was. "You can stand up now."

She looked at me and nodded standing up. I sighed, walked over to the couch and sat down, I massaged my brow with my splints. This was a lot to take in and deal with, and I had absolutely no notice. I felt a little resentment toward my soulmate.

The woman was standing where I left her, watching me carefully.

“Oh. Uh.” This was just going to be painfully awkward for two weeks wasn’t it? “What’s your name?” I asked again.

“Eka.” Her voice was flat.

“Huh. My name’s Eva. They’re really close.” I chuckled, trying to make it less awkward.

“Vaas said you were Sirenita.” She looked confused and troubled.

“That’s his name for me.” I was still smiling but I wondered if Vaas even knew my real name. “You can call me either name. Whatever you’re comfortable with.”

“Eva is nice.” She said, probably determining that she didn’t want to have anything to do with Vaas or what he did. “What does it mean?”

I didn’t really know. Evangeline was religious, probably. Not that my Mom was religious, she just liked the name. She’d call me her little angel when I was being particularly obedient. That didn’t happen very much. Most of the time I was “Eva” or “EVANGELINE ANN VINSON!” Depended on how much trouble I’d caused.

I felt stupid for not knowing what my own name meant, so I made something up. “It means angel.”

“You’re an angel.” Eka said with that strange reverence again, like my kindness and defending her against Carlos was suddenly self-explanatory.

I was a mermaid for Vaas and now Eka wanted me to be an angel… Couldn’t I just be a woman? A tired, wounded and mostly scared woman in love, trying to figure out her fucking life?

“No. I’m _not_ an angel. Trust me. Not even my own mother thinks so and she named me.” I shook my head.

Eka looked confused again and nodded slowly.

I sighed wearily.

“Come here. Sit down.” I patted the couch seat next to me.

Eka looked at the couch and then at me.

“It’s okay. You can sit down.” I tried to entice her. She walked over and sat like she was obeying a command in the army. I grimaced again.

“I know that Vaas is… Well… Vaas is himself. But I’m not going to let anything bad happen to you okay? If you help me and don’t try to escape, you’ll be fine. Carlos is going to stay out there and we’re going to be safe in here. Do you understand?” I looked her in the eye. She nodded quickly, still looking scared.

“That being said I have some problems. Sadly it’s the reason you are here. I’m sorry for that.” I showed her my hands. “I need you to help me with the things I would use my hands for. Mine are hurt. Can you help me?”

“Yes, Eva.” I had to admit that hearing my real name after what felt like an eternity of hearing only “Sirenita,” felt pretty damn good. But she was saying it like she was standing at attention. She could throw in some "sir, yes sir's" and it wouldn’t feel out of place.

“You can relax. Just breathe deeply or something.”

This was annoying. Not particularly that Eka was annoying, she was acting in survival mode and she didn’t know me that well. But she seemed to know Vaas by reputation - at least. It was annoying that I was in this situation at all. Yet here I was, I might as well get my feet wet.

“I need to take a shower, but I’m going to need you to help me wash my hair.” I stood up and started walking to the bathroom, Eka followed close behind.

Maybe I was as shy as Vaas was fond of implying I was. The idea of being naked while another woman bathed me was not a comfortable one. All I knew was I didn’t want to put on a fresh set of clothes and still smell like sex. And I was going to need to bathe at some point in the two weeks that Vaas would be gone. He made it clear I couldn’t rely on him being here with any consistency, and even if he was, I was pretty sure he’d render all my showers pointless during or quickly after them.

_Then I want you fucking filthy._

I shivered when I remembered the last time he had helped me bathe. I felt a sad ache in my chest. He was gone for less than ten minutes and I already missed him.

When we reached the bedroom I noticed how much of a wreck the bed was. Red lace shreds were strewn about the bed. The bedding was only sort of on the bed. It didn’t take a genius to know what had happened in there. I gave a sideways glance at Eka as I entered the bathroom. My face felt flush. She looked the disaster area over and furrowed her brow. I cringed.

“Could you turn on the water, please?” I asked quietly trying to move away from my sex life. Eka nodded with a solemn look on her face as she twisted the tap. I pulled the sheet off and tossed it back in the bedroom and stepped under the water falling from the faucet.

I yelped as the shock of the cold water hit me, but soon I could relax a bit. I was turned away from Eka; this was humiliating.

I started with trying to clean myself. I had been sure that I could use my broken hand to do it. I hadn’t counted on soap being slippery and metal having no grip. I kept dropping it and it took a long time to get it in my hand again.

The fifth time the bar dropped Eka picked it up before I could.

“I can help.” She said with a slight smile.

I groaned in annoyance but nodded. I couldn’t catch a break.

Eka began scrubbing my skin. There was no hesitance or awkwardness about it. She didn’t seem embarrassed by my nudity, or aroused by it either. This was just a chore for her, something to get done. It was surprisingly comforting.

Once the shower was done she helped me dry off with a towel. She found a comb and raked it through my tangled mess of hair. I hadn’t brushed it in a week or more and I could feel it. Eka was being gentle but it was bad enough to negate most of that effort.

With the detangling finished I walked her to the closet and watched her eye light up like mine had as I revealed the racks of clothing. These were probably more clothes than she’d seen in her life. I picked out an outfit and couldn’t help but offer her a chance to wear something herself.

“I can’t.” She insisted.

“You can. Don’t worry about it.” I offered again. She shook her head decidedly. I could see some fear still lingering in her eyes.

Eka helped me dress, though I was apparent that she didn’t understand what the purpose of a bra was or how it was supposed to be worn. That was awkward to explain and show with my useless hands. Eventually we found our stride and I was fully dressed in underwear, a green camisole and ripped jeans.

I was clean, dressed and felt feminine.

“Thank you. I feel better.” I said and she smiled weakly.

I sat down on the couch again, leaning back with a long sigh of contentment. I luxuriated in the feeling of being a clean and neat once more; relishing the civility. I could almost pretend that I was back home, if it wasn’t for my bra still being a cup size too small.

Eventually I looked at Eka. She was standing near me, fiddling with her hands like she wasn’t sure what to do. I patted the couch beside me again.

“Come sit.” I beamed at her.

She didn’t move right away, looking at me with great concern.

“The couch doesn’t bite.” I laughed.

Finally she stepped slowly to the couch and sat down, but her face was still troubled.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, positive it was going something about being afraid.

“Does he hurt you?” She asked and I found myself stunned to silence.

“What do you mean?” I finally responded.

“You have bruises.”

Yes, I had bruises, achieved in the throes of passion over the past week. Vaas wasn’t abusive… Well not physically. Not really. I realized that I couldn’t explain it in a way that didn’t make it seem okay.

“It’s okay. I bruise easily. It’s not as bad as it looks.”

“What about your hands?” She was quiet now, like she worried that she was overstepping herself.

“I did it myself.” She gave me a look of disbelief.

“I’m serious. I cut my hand really bad on the gate over-” I noticed the gate was gone. Eka looked in the direction I was pointing and looked back at me with a worried expression. Concerned that I was crazy, probably.

“There used to be a gate that had knives on it and I stumbled and grabbed it and cut my hand.” I explain.

Vaas must have removed it without my notice. Maybe he'd done it with Carlos’s help this morning. It made my heart flutter thinking that he was worried about me.

“What about that hand?” She pointed to my broken fingers. I smile, positive that this story would win the argument.

“I broke my hand punching Vaas in the face.” I smile conspiratorially. I didn’t mention that Vaas didn’t have so much as a bruise afterward or that he was knocked over. I was pretty sure that the only reason he fell on his ass was because of the sudden all-encompassing sensation of the bond.

She smiled like she was about to laugh.

“It’s true.” I smiled.

“Did he bring you here to punish you then?” She asked.

“No. Well, maybe.” I didn’t really know at this point. It was probably both somehow.

“Are you from America?” She asked suddenly.

“Yeah. Are you from here?”

She nodded sadly.

"What's America like?" Pulled herself from her sadness.

"It's not like it is here. That's for sure."  
  
"How is it different?" Enthusiasm twinkled in her eyes.

"We could be here a long time." I joked. “How did you get he-”

I cleared my throat, scolding myself for almost asking an impertinent question.

“I was tricked by my boyfriend.” She said guessing the rest of my question. A miserable frown was on her face and she looked like she might cry again.

“Hey, we don’t have to talk about it.” I said, feeling as uncomfortable with her tears as I did my own. "We could watch a movie from America if you'd like."

Eka’s eyes widened, staring at me unblinkingly, like I had lobsters crawling out my ears.

“Do you watch movies or TV here?” I didn’t really know what the technological level of the island was for the natives. I assumed it was pretty poor.

“You have movies?” She looked suddenly dazzled.

I nodded. She squealed with excitement, like she’d forgotten who the hell Vaas even was.

“Let’s make some food and we’ll watch one while we eat.” I offered. She nodded profusely.

* * *

It was dark. Eka was sleeping on the couch and I was curled up on the bed burying my face into Vaas’s pillow, restlessly clutching the phone he gave me in my broken hand.

The pillow smelled like him. A masculine smell, with a little gun oil and citrus mixed in. I wrapped my arms around the pillow and just inhaled, keeping my eyes closed. I had worried that his scent would make me go crazy but it seemed to do the opposite. It eased my heart, calmed me. I wondered if that’s why Vaas had taken my tankini bottoms and kept them in his pocket. I thought it was him being a dirty pervert, but maybe his reasoning had been more practical. The truth was probably a mixture of the two.

Despite my current calmness, I had spent most of the day on edge.

It started with the movie. Vaas had a large collection of hundreds on a hard drive. When we were looking through the choices I was really surprised by some of the movies he had. There were plenty of violent, action movies, horror movies, raunchy comedies and Disney movies too, but a significant section of that hard drive was solemnly dedicated to rom coms and dramatic romances.

I had a hard time imagining him sitting down to watch “You’ve Got Mail” with any sort of seriousness, but there it was.

After talking to Eka for a few minutes trying to figure out what she’d like to watch, since she had only seen a couple of movies in her life, we settled on watching “A Walk in the Clouds.”

About the time the grape crushing scene began, I was feeling a weird sort of homesickness. I missed my family and friends, and I started wondering and worrying if Fiona actually made it home. I wondered if my family missed me, if they would make an effort to get me back. Then I thought about what would happen if I was parted from Vaas. No one would understand it, but I would be dejected the rest of my life or until I was holding him again. I couldn’t survive without him. Then my thoughts drifted to Hoyt and the threat he posed. It was unnerving realizing that I might not have a choice over leaving Vaas or not. Hoyt could just take me.

I looked around the living room looking for Vaas. I wanted to hold him, feel him against me. Then I remembered he wasn’t there.

Eka was in love with the movie. I couldn’t blame her. It was one of my favorites. But I found I lacked the patience to watch it. 

I felt restless. I wanted to go outside and demand that Carlos take me to Vaas, knowing full well it wouldn’t work. At best he’d ignore me. At worst he’d threaten to kill Eka if I didn't stop bothering him. I exhaled in a huff and slumped down on the couch.

Eka glanced over at me and realized that I wasn’t enjoying myself.

“Is the movie bad?” She asked like she wasn’t sure of her own opinion. Her lack of a backbone grated on my thin patience. I folded my arms across my chest petulantly and looked away. I wanted to yell at her for not standing up for herself, but I knew my mood wasn’t her fault. It was the best I could do not to say anything at all. She didn’t press it thankfully, like she knew I wasn’t going to handle it well. 

I stared at the door for the rest of the movie, hoping that he’d just show up because I needed him. He didn’t. In fact he didn't even show up after we watched three more movies.

After the last movie was over I kept the phone in my hand. Eka started tidying up the kitchen and living room while I laid on the couch fretfully checking to see that I hadn’t missed his call. I could see her giving me worried glances every now and then.

“I can see you staring at me.” I warned her.

“Sorry. Are you alright?” She asked and I gritted my teeth.

“I’ll be fine.” I said churlishly, unable to pull myself out of this foul mood.

She went back to cleaning and I felt bad. I was acting like a spoiled brat or a psychopath.

“Sorry.” I murmured. “I don’t feel well.”

“What can I do?” She asked with a troubled expression.

No doubt she was concerned that if I fell ill she’d be blamed for it.

“Nothing, it’ll pass.” I said unsure if it actually would or not.

If the bond was affecting this mood I was in, likely I’d only get worse.

I had Eka help me get ready for bed once it started getting dark. She helped me into a large t-shirt and brushed my teeth. I thought about ignoring Vaas’s appeal that I should floss out of spite for being away. Then again, if he found out, which he probably would when he came back, he'd be angry about it. So I had to direct Eka in the complicated ways of flossing, something she'd never done in her life. It took every last ounce of positivity not to lose my temper.

Eka went to the living room and I curled up against Vaas's pillow waiting impatiently, wondering if he'd call.

I worried that if I fell asleep he might call and I’d miss it. I stayed up for a few hours, hoping beyond hope.

The strong scent of him filled my nostrils and every part of my body became limp. It was like an olfactory lullaby and it wasn’t long before I fell asleep.

* * *

It felt like I had just closed my eyes when shrill ringing woke me. I snapped into life and fumbled in the dark until I managed to press the answer button on the phone.

“Hello?” I said, trying to sound like I hadn’t been sleeping.

“Hello.” Vaas whispered heatedly. It was just a hello but the sound of it against my ear made it feel like he was right there. I shivered.

“Did you miss me?” He asked, keeping that husky breathiness in his tone.

“Yes. So much.” I whispered back.

“How much?” He asked with a bit of playfulness. I remembered the misery of the day and how long I had to wait for this call. But it was just a call. He wasn't here, it wouldn't be enough.

“If you were here I’d be happy to show you.” I said, voicing what I really wanted. I hoped that I could tempt him into actually coming home.

“Tell me like I was.” He countered and I felt a little deflated.

“Did you have a good day or a bad day?” I asked simply.

“Shy as always. You don’t have to worry about what that fucking puta hears. Tell me.” He said, sounding a little angry.

“A bad day, huh?” My voice is mischievous, almost mocking.

Vaas doesn’t respond.

“My poor pirate lord, working so hard. Do you want your mermaid to make you feel better?”

The lilt of my voice was saccharin and sultry. I felt ridiculous. Talking dirty wasn’t my forte. It wasn’t even something I liked, not when I was the one doing the talking at least. I didn’t think I could get much out of any phone sex. My hands were useless and clumsy and Vaas had yet to bring me to orgasm with his words alone, but I had a reason to do it anyway, a method to my madness.

“Eres tan dulce... Quiero saborearte.” He answered in Spanish and I took that to mean something affirmative. “Tengo hambre de ti.”

“Oh, Vaas. You are such a _bad_ boy… You know what that does to me. So _naughty_.”

How could anyone think this was sexy? This contrived provocation of lust? This wasn’t going to work and I would surely die of shame no matter what I was trying to accomplish.

“You got me so fucking hard for you, Sirenita.” His voice was more breathy and hoarse than before. I could hear the fast rustling of fabric, the jingle of his belt being undone. The sound of his zipper was the last bit of evidence I needed to realize that, contrived or not, Vaas was completely into this. He was falling all over himself for it. I could hear his eager and ragged breathing in my ear.

A knowing smile curled my lips. Perhaps I wouldn’t die of shame. Perhaps my intentions weren’t so impossible. There was a sensation of overwhelming power hearing him so desperate, so affected, so at my mercy; knowing he couldn’t do anything more than what I allowed. He wasn’t here was he? He couldn’t make me a quivering puddle of lust if he couldn’t get his hands on me. If I couldn’t feel his skin, the war against Vaas-induced concupiscence was mine to lose. 

Absolute power corrupts absolutely. I was tantalized with the wicked possibilities. I’d make sure Vaas was tantalized too; helplessly provoked by my voice alone.

“I want to touch you.” I admitted. It was true. While I could find a silver lining in his absence, I didn’t want a voice over the phone. I wanted him here. “Do you want my mouth on you? I want to taste you.”

“Ffffuuuuck.” He exhaled and I could hear the friction of his hand stroking over his cock.

“I want to lick you. Suck your cock like a lollipop.” I had never given a blow job before, but I understood the mechanics of it. Even so, I was capable of improvising my own euphemisms on the topic. “So delicious.”

I let out a small gasp and moan. I was going to play it right out of the “When Harry Met Sally” playbook. Slowly work myself through a fake orgasm while I talked him up to his. “God, Vaas you’re so big. How does it ever fit?”

He groaned and I heard the friction speed up. “W-What the fuck… ¿Qué... qué me están haciendo?”

I feel a bolt of arousal struck through me straight to the core. So I wasn’t completely unaffected… Still, I was in control. Vaas, on the other hand, sounded like a moaning, panting mess. I hoped he was alone or that no one could hear him. Or did I?

_Muahahaha…_

“Venga, por favor, no te pares ahora…” It sounded like he was pleading with me.

 _Good._

I knew of one thing that could drive him crazy. A potential nuclear option. Over the phone, where he couldn’t actually act it out on me, was the perfect time to use it.

“I need you so bad.” I took my gasping and moaning up a few levels. “Vaas, please!”

“Solo dígame lo que necesita. Por favor, Sirenita solo dime que quieres que haga!” He was getting close, I could tell by his breathing.

“I want to feel you inside me! Filling me up with your cum!” I practically screamed it. “I want your baby!”

I gave my best impression of the climax of Meg Ryan's "faking it" scene.

On the other end of the line I heard a lot of noise. Clattering, maybe something breaking.

“FUCK!” Vaas shouted, sounding distant. Then there were fumbling sounds, rustling.

He’d dropped the phone. A cruel smile spread on my face as I realized my nuclear test was successful.

“Sirenita. Say it again. Please! Por favor! Tell me aga-”

_Click._

I laughed with wicked glee. I was going to pay for hanging up and that check I just wrote with my mouth would, no doubt, be cashed with my ass. Nonetheless, it was payback for leaving me with no notice and trapping me in the warehouse for who knows how long. If my little cocktease affected him the way I hoped, he’d be mad and mad for me. He’d want to come back as soon as possible to punish or please me. Or both. I laughed like a mad scientist. It was devious but delicious.

The phone rang after a few minutes. I felt giddy, drunk on the feeling of power. I wondered if I should answer it. Toy with him more. I wanted to see how crazed he was and I didn’t want to wait until he showed up, whenever that would be.

“Hello.” I said answering like absolutely nothing had happened mere minutes ago.

There was silence, except for angry sounding huffs.

“Vaas… I love you.” I purred. “But what can you really expect over the phone?”

“Oh Sirenita… You are not getting off that fucking easy.”

“You know, somehow I’m not that scared.”

“Just you wait-”

“I _am_ waiting, Vaas.” I made my voice dangerously seductive. “And I’ll keep waiting until you come back and I can show _exactly_ how much I miss you.”

I mewled and gasped quietly for effect.

“Which is a whole fucking lot.”

He was still breathing angrily, seething. I could almost feel the waves of rage radiating through the phone.

“Until then, expect our calls to reflect my _frustration_. Sleep well my love.” 

I ended the call feeling badass and also somewhat horny. I had made myself a fine kettle of fish and now there was the devil to pay. And he was going to be merciless. I giggled nefariously again.

Vaas didn’t call back. 

I teased myself with the idea of him rushing over to teach me a lesson. I wrapped my arms around his pillow and inhaled slowly. I fell asleep with a roguish smile on my face and the smell of Vaas surrounding me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's song is "Bad" by Michael Jackson. 'Cause our heroine is feeling bold and badass.
> 
> Now you know what her name is! Yay! :) It only took me 23 chapters... Sorry. 
> 
> Happy Birthday to Michael Mando. 
> 
> I felt like putting a chapter out, sorta like a birthday present. Not that he would ever read this. I think I'd die if he did... 
> 
> Celebrities don't read fanfiction about their characters right? RIGHT?? That wouldn't happen, that'd be crazy... Heh. :[
> 
> Now if you'll excuse me I'm going go freak out over that mortifying, yet implausible, idea for a few days.


	24. Restless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eva restlessly struggles with the mystery of men, clothes, pirates, chargers and pillows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm afraid I've been writing instead of sleep again. I posted it before I edited anything again. I'll edit it after a get 40 winks. ;P Some stuff may change.

I awoke to the sound of something sizzling and the smell of something good. I sat up and opened my eyes. I could see Eka cooking in the kitchen. I rubbed my eyes and got out of bed. I could tell it was pretty early in the morning from the color of the skylights.

“That smells good.” I smiled while I shuffled sleepily into the living room.

Eka looked at me startled and then she frowned. She looked like she had been crying again, or was about to.

“Are you alright?” I asked cautiously.

“Is Vaas coming back?” She turned off the stove and began plating the food.

“Eventually.” I shrugged.

“Do you know when?”

“He hasn’t told me.” I admitted. “Why?”

She broke down into tears.

“Is he going to kill you?” She sobbed looking at me in abject terror.

“No.” I raised an eyebrow. “What makes you think he’s going to do that?”

“V-Vaas is- He’s a bad m-man.” Her emotional state made her accent thicken. “He k-kills. So many he’s killed…”

“He’s not going to kill me.” I said resolutely.

“But you- You- I heard you.” She stuttered.

I had forgotten that she was on the couch and there was nothing to muffle the noise. She’d heard our “conversation.”

“I was just teasing him. He’ll be fine.” I said flippantly. “This smells good.”

I tried to change the subject.

“You’ve- You’ve-” She was trying to force herself to say something, I could tell it was something that bothered her to talk about.

“I’ve what?” I asked, trying to puzzle out what could have gotten her so upset.

“You’ve been with him.” She said it like she was a child saying a bad word when they know they shouldn’t.

“Yes. I have.” I admitted, almost proudly. “A few times.”

She walked over to the dining chair and sat down burying her face in the crook of her arm and sobbing harder.

This was bizarre. Why would my sex life with Vaas make her so upset and certain that Vaas would kill me?

“Eka…” I sat in the chair next to her. “What’s going on? Why are you so upset?”

“Vaas is g-going to k-kill you. T-Then he’ll kill m-me.” She was having a hard time talking between sobs.

“Vaas is not going to kill me.” I repeated.

“You m-made him mad. I h-heard it.” She looked at me apologetically.

“Why should that matter?” I looked at her sincerely curious as to her thought process.

“That’s what men do.” She looked at her hands angrily.

I could guess this had something to do with her boyfriend. The one who’d tricked her into captivity somehow.

“Eka. Take a deep breath.” I gave her a stern look.

She looked at me with surprise but obeyed. Her breath was shaky from her weeping but she was much calmer.

“I don’t know what your life has been like, but I promise you Vaas is not going to kill me. Honestly, if he was ever going to, he would have already done it.” I smiled at her and she began to shake her head like she was about to argue. “Seriously. I was in much more trouble with him before you came. Remember? I punched him in the face.”

I waved my broken fingers in front of her. She gave a hint of a smile.

“There have been plenty of times he could have gotten rid of me. He wants me around. Okay?”

She nodded but didn’t look like she believed me.

“He’s mad at me but it’s not that kind of mad. It's more of a frustration thing. I teased him a little. When he does come back, he’ll probably seem really upset, but it’s not gonna be like what you think.”

I tried to explain without really explaining. She looked confused.

“Look, I promise you have nothing to worry about. He’s not going to kill either of us.”

She exhaled shakily again and ran her hands through her short hair.

“Let’s eat before your hard work gets cold.” I smiled and she nodded.

As she helped me eat I started really thinking about the night before. I had been so sure that my ploy would get me exactly what I wanted, which was Vaas all hot and bothered and obsessed with getting back to me as quickly as possible, I hadn’t considered the possibility that he might actually be enraged enough to harm me, or Eka. If everything I’d reassured Eka about ended up being a lie… No. I still would have comforted her. If it were me, I’d rather have my last moments be free of fear.

Pondering on it, I realized that I didn’t know Vaas well enough to reliably guess his reaction to anything. He was constantly surprising me and often they weren’t happy surprises.

After we ate she helped me dress and I sat on the couch while she indulged in some well deserved self-care. She took a bath and I commanded her to pick out an outfit to wear. She picked out something that looked an awful lot like what she wore before, only this time the cutoffs were black and the bikini top was blue.

As she was looking through the offerings of the closet I noticed there were a lot of swimsuits and lingerie, disproportionate to the overall amount of garments. Really nice stuff too. I found a black, bandeau Gucci bikini with decorative “G’s” done up in crystals and several Versace suits - one a bikini the other a one piece - with the iconic, golden baroque pattern on them. Not that I knew much about fashion, I just had a best friend who did. Some of these were very expensive suits and it made me wonder at where they came from, again.

I looked over some of the everyday clothing hanging up and saw more famous brands on the tags. Searching in the back of the closet I found dresses and gowns. I also found a variety of practically new shoes, the sizes varied more than the clothing sizes did but they were designer as well. I became keenly aware that the amount of money the clothes represented was much more than I’d ever seen.

Instead of being filled with excitement I was uneasy. I looked at the clothes I’d worn the day before, Ganni jeans and the camisole was Dolce & Gabbana. My eyes felt like they were popping out of their sockets. I’d worn them without realizing…

I felt like I was better able to understand Eka’s reluctance to wear these clothes. Not that she knew what they were. She just felt like they were too out of her class. Now I felt the same. I imagined Fiona, free of the horribleness she’d suffered would be massively jealous of my closet. I suppressed a giggle at the irony.

Where did it all come from? Why would Vaas just have designer women’s clothing taking most of the space in his closet? Surely he couldn’t have pulled together a wardrobe of this size and diversity in the short time since he met me. All the clothes were similar sizes… This was a mystery.

After she was dressed we watched a couple movies. I was getting stir-crazy. I wanted to go on a walk somewhere that wasn’t in the warehouse. Then I remembered Carlos was probably on duty and wouldn’t allow me without Vaas’s permission. I’d have to be extraordinarily lucky to get it. He was probably still smarting from last night and would relish the chance to punish me without any effort on his part beyond expending the calories to say the word “no.”

I was going to go crazy if I couldn’t do something for two weeks. Watching movies wouldn’t cut it. I just couldn’t sit still and watch, I kept thinking about Vaas instead of paying attention. His eyes, his skin, the feeling of the muscle on his chest...ARGH!

 _Whatever I feel he’s feeling it worse._

I repeated over and over to myself until I had once again found myself trying to sleep that night. It’d got me through the day, somehow, but as I lay there snuggled against Vaas’s pillow, wondering if he’d call, it didn’t mean much anymore.

The time ticked away and I couldn’t rest. The exhilaration of the idea that he might call or better yet show up kept me from getting much sleep. I’d fall asleep and wake up the moment I heard any noise, thinking that it could be the phone ringing or the door opening.

Finally, exhaustion crashed over me hard enough that I was dead to the world.

* * *

“Eva. Wake up.” Eka gently prodded me. I could have ripped her head off despite how nice she was about waking me. I felt like I’d only slept an hour or so.

I let my grumpiness go for a moment and checked the phone to see if I missed a call. The phone was dead.

I was filled with dread. What if he called but couldn’t get through because the phone died? I groaned my dismay and went about madly looking for a charger.

“What is wrong?” Eka asked with concern.

“I’m looking for the charger. The phone is dead.” I said quickly as I looked over the bed and underneath it.

“Oh. I’ve made some lunch, when you want to eat.” She said going to the dining table and eating one of the plates of food she made up.

I found quickly that there weren’t a whole lot of places to keep things in the flat. It meant that the charger was likely not in here. Carlos might know. I went into the closet and slipped some flip flops on and rushed out of the flat.

“Eva!” Eka called out in shock. I ignored her misgivings.

I rushed down the stairs, happy to see Carlos at his post, smoking as he leaned against the door. He saw me coming and his eyes widened.

“Hold it. Stop right there.” He warned, lifting a shotgun at me.

“Where’s the charger?” I showed him the phone, oblivious to the threat of his gun.

“I don’t fucking know.” His brow furrowed but he kept the barrel trained on me. “Over there maybe.”

He nodded toward some large cargo containers underneath the flat.

“Where over there?” I scanned for signs of anything that looked like it was capable of powering a battery.

“Behind the container.” He sounded very annoyed.

“Thanks.” I ran around a red container and was surprised to see a little, semi-hidden computer area. There was a rugged laptop and other equipment I didn’t understand. I was very thankful to see a charger ready to go. I sat down on the chair in front of the laptop, it squeaked. Plugging the phone in was a little difficult. I dropped the cable a few times, but eventually managed to connect it properly. I held down the power button and waited for it to turn back on.

“What’s taking so long?” Carlos asked, startling me with how close he was.

“I’m waiting for it to charge.” I said, smiling when the screen flared to life once more.

“So leave it and go back upstairs.” He shifted on his feet anxiously.

“No.” I furrowed my brow at him. “Why should I?”

“Vaas said-”

“We aren’t allowed outside.” I interrupted him and he looked pissed. “As you can see, we’re not outside.”

“He meant outside his place upstairs.” Carlos started to raise his shotgun again.

“Are you sure that’s what he meant?” I said playing a hunch.

Carlos hesitated, it confirmed that he wasn’t given details on the boundaries we were to adhere to.

“I’d be careful making assumptions about what Vaas wants.” I warned him with a sly look.

“I’m in charge!” He growled. I could tell he wasn’t used to women ignoring him, and not being afraid.

“What are you going to do? Huh?” I asked, miffed when I didn’t see any indication that Vaas called last night. “What the hell can you do?”

He looked shocked and leveled his gun at me. I just laughed at him.

“What are you going to do? Shoot me? Vaas will be pleased with that I’m sure.” I scoffed at him. “You know better than that. In fact, I’m thinking he’s not going to be too happy to learn that you’ve aimed your gun at me. Twice.”

“It’s your word against mine.” He murmured.

“You are absolutely right.” I gave him a humorless look. “Oh Vaas, You’ll never believe what that meanie Carlos did to me while you were gone! I just wanted to charge the phone so I could talk to you, but he threatened me! He put a gun in my face and refused to let me charge the phone at all!”

His expression shifted to one of near panic as I demonstrated what I’d tell Vaas.

“You tell me Carlos, after a few days of not being able to talk to me, coming back and hearing our explanations of why there was radio silence; who the fuck is he going to believe? Is there anything you could possibly say that would sway him do you think?” My voice was even. “And even if he did believe you, by some miracle, what do you think he’ll do about it?”

He wasn’t looking at me, trying to work out the math, no doubt. He looked like he came to a conclusion he didn’t like.

“Face it. You get fucked over this, you get a bullet in your skull if you’re lucky. I get fucked over this and I walk funny for a day. Is it worth it?” 

Carlos cursed looking royally pissed off. He walked away, mumbling something about never trusting bitches. His expression reminded me of Vaas when he was coming after me with his gun, just outside the bath house.  
  
 _I tried with the honey. Now we’re going to try the motherfucking vinegar._

“Carlos, wait.” I sighed wearily.

He turned and looked at me and narrowed his eyes.

“What now, _Princesa_ _?_ ” Made it apparent with his tone that the title was meant to disparage me. He probably thought I was a spoiled brat.

“Things don’t have to be like this between us.” I should probably try to go the “honey” route before the “vinegar” route.

“What the fuck does that mean?” He began. “I’m not a fucking idiot. I’m not going to let you do me like you did Kulon.”

“I didn’t _do_ anything to him.” I said remembering what Vaas told me. “He fucked himself over.”

“Says you.”

“Says Vaas. Anyway, he’s not important.” I waved my hand dismissively, still feeling residual nervousness on that subject. “I’d rather our relationship wasn’t an angry, mistrustful one.”

“You wanna be best friends? Eh Princesa?” He mocked me. “What a fucking joke.”

“No. Not friends, not necessarily. We could have a professional association of civility and respect.”

“What the fuck?” He clearly didn’t understand what I meant.

“Sorry. Let me rephrase that.” I rubbed my brow with the back of my hand. “We could agree not to try and fuck each other over.”

“Why do you fucking care how I feel? You already said you’d bullshit to Vaas about me and win.” He looked suspiciously at me.

“I’m looking at the big picture here. I’m not going anywhere any time soon. I want things to go as nice and smooth as possible for all of us.”

“Why should I care what you want?” He sounded a bit less bitter and more curious.

“There could be benefits to my being here.”

“I don’t fucking see how. Since you’ve shown up, Vaas has been more fucked up than usual. You make everything fucking worse for us.” He said with a scoffing laugh.

“Exactly. When I make things bad for him, like I have been up to a couple of days ago, you guys have to deal with the aftermath. When I make things good for him… Well, you saw. He was in a pretty good mood when he left, wasn’t he?”

Carlos looked dumbfounded.

“Look, I’m not here to bust your balls. I plan on following the rules and I’ll make sure that Eka does too. But I don’t see anything wrong with being able to walk around down here, on occasion. Do you?”

He pondered it over.

“Fine, Princesa. Have it your own fucking way.” He grumbled and walked away. “I guess I can’t fucking stop you anyways.”

I leaned back in the chair with a grin on my face.

While I waited for the phone to charge I hummed to myself, marveling at how my restlessness was gone even though I was pretty much just watching a battery bar tick up. Probably the technology equivalent of watching paint dry.

I noticed that there were drawers under the table the equipment was on. I opened a drawer and saw that it was filled with junk. Greasy or rusty bolts, screws and nuts. Some pliers, a broken flashlight, used batteries, a screwdriver and an old, stained box of cards.

I dug the cards out, winced at the pain a little. I noticed that my hand wasn’t hurting as much as before. A small improvement, but it was encouraging.

I opened the box and carefully pulled the cards out. I spread them on the table, organizing them by suit, checking for a full deck. It was hard trying to articulate my hands on the thin cards, but I had all the time in the world. I concluded that one of the jokers was missing. Most games I knew didn’t use them anyway. I gathered up the cards again and put them back in the box.

I was looking for a pocket to put them in when I realized all I had on was an oversized t-shirt, panties and flip-flops. I cringed realizing how it must have looked to Carlos. Oops. Vaas didn’t need to know about that.

I stand and start walking around the container to the stairs when I hear ringing. My heart skips a beat and I rush back to the desk and grab the phone.

“Bueno.” I hear Carlos say. His phone rang. Not mine.

I feel like I’m deflating like a tube man whose pump died.

“Hang on Jefe.” I hear Carlos’s footsteps coming around the container. “Lemme check if she’s here.”

He was talking to Vaas. Instantly I’m a tube man merrily flailing. I’m thrilled, but I’m curious to why Carlos is checking for me. Is it so he can talk to me? My excited heart hopes so, but my brain doubts it. Vaas would have just called _me_ , not Carlos, if he wanted to talk to _me_. I decided to play it cautiously. Just before he comes around the corner I ducked behind a rusty barrel with long pieces of metal sticking out of it.

Carlos appeared around the corner and halts, scanning for me.

“She’s upstairs.” He spoke and started walking back. “¿Que pasa?”

I emerged from my hiding spot and followed, listening.

“She said the phone died.” Carlos told him. “She’s charging the fucker now.”

He returned to leaning against the door. I peak out at him from behind the container.

“¿Si? ¿Ella te colgó?” He sounded surprised. “Fuck…”

What were they saying? I cursed Carlos for knowing Spanish.

“No, Jefe. I’m not gonna tell her a fucking thing.” He said with an amused grin. “De nada. ¿Cuándo vienes? Okay. Llamo luego.”

He hung up and laughed quietly to himself, shaking his head.

“La Princesa es emotiva, pero atrevida.”

He was talking about me. The “Princesa” tipped me off to that much. I couldn’t tell if he was saying something good or bad though.

Carlos stepped out on to the steps leading into the warehouse and lit up. He took a long drag and chuckled as he blew smoke into the air.

“I don’t fucking believe it.” He was smiling in a good-natured way, if you could believe it. Whatever they said about me was entertaining him quite a bit.

Went back to the desk and checked on the charge. It was only half way. I sighed and decided that I would go back up stairs. Eka was probably barricading the door with whatever wasn’t nailed down.

I went back and checked on Carlos. He wasn’t looking at the stairs. I took my moment and ran up them. When I reached the top of the stairs I glanced back down at Carlos, he didn’t seem to be paying any attention.

I tried to open the door quietly, but it squealed loudly, like always. I grimaced and looked at him again. He still wasn’t looking. I sighed and stepped inside the flat.

“You’re okay?” Eka asked from her vantage point at the dining table. She looked distressed. Her eyes are red and her hair is mussed up, like she’d threaded her fingers through the strands for a long time. I feel guilty that I didn’t explain anything to her before rushing out.

“Yeah. I’m fine.” I smiled like there wasn’t a care in the world even though I was going about a mile a minute thinking about the call I’d just witnessed, and what it could mean.

“He didn’t hurt you? He sounded angry.” Fresh tears streamed down her cheeks.

“I told you, Carlos is just grumpy. I was fine.” I didn’t need to acquaint her with the tense discussion we had. She would just worry for nothing. “I’m going to go back down in about an hour. My phone should be done charging by then.”

She was silently pleading with me. Her eyes were begging me not to leave again. I felt annoyed and uncomfortable again. I wanted to tell her to grow a pair. I got that she was scared, but there’s only so many ways to say she didn’t need to live in terror.

“You’re going to be dehydrated at this point. I hope you’ve been drinking enough water.” I joked. She didn’t seem to get it. It irked me more.

“Maybe we should just watch another movie while I wait.” I flopped on the couch dejected.

Eka sniffed and nodded.

* * *

I was impatient again. I only got half way through the movie before I couldn't stand to just sit there anymore. My skin seemed to itch for action. I got up and headed to the door. 

“Where are you going?!” Eka was immediately panic-stricken.

“I already told you. I have to get my phone.” I rolled my eyes and pulled the door open. I heard her whimper and I bit my tongue.

I went down the stairs, Carlos was still leaning in the doorway. I nodded at him. He nodded back with a wry smile. I frowned, wondering what he said to Vaas. I try not to dwell on it and jog behind the cargo containers. I check my phone, it’s not quite at 100% but it’s close enough. I hurry back upstairs. 

The whole trip took less than a minute, but Eka looked like she’d been crying for days.

I couldn't handle her right then. I just couldn't. I walk past her and her redundant questions into the bedroom and sit on the bed with the phone in front of me. 

I tried to beg Vaas mentally, like I’m some sort of telepath, to call me. I felt tears roll down my face when I realized that he probably won’t call. It wasn't going to be that easy. I’m surprised at the moisture coming out of my eyes and I wipe the offending tears away with a shaky palm.

“Shit.” I sob.

I feel restless again, but it’s more than that this time. The need was rushing back in, like it was hiding under the disguise of restlessness all along.

He called Carlos, asked and talked about me. What was he saying? Did he tell Carlos when he’d be back? Was he going to punish me by ignoring me? How could he when he felt this way too? Worse! He felt it worse!

I tried to calm down and breathe. The feeling only built up harder in me. I wanted to rip something apart if I couldn’t have Vaas right now. There had to be something I could do to stop this! 

Truthfully I thought I already had. I stopped fighting him, I stopped fighting the bond. It shouldn’t be like this anymore. It should have stopped! It wasn’t fair. 

Tantalizing thoughts drifted in my mind. Sugar-coated and demanding. Sweat beading and glistening on his skin. The hard, coiling strength in his arms. His eyes on me like a ravenous predator.

I was a few seconds away from going up to Carlos and begging him to call Vaas. Ask him to plead for me. The bastard could give me that much. It wasn't fair he got to talk to my soulmate- Then I remembered the pillow. 

I reached over and snatched it, shoving my face in it and inhaling deeply. That strange comfort of gun oil, citrus and man smell addled me. I fell into the pillow, clinging to it like a life preserver. The wave subsided a little. Only enough to ease the edge slightly.

I screamed into the pillow when I realized that it hadn’t completely gone. It seemed that I had screwed myself over pretty hard, in my effort to get screwed. The irony wasn’t lost on me, but I still couldn't stand it. It’d only been a couple days since I saw him. Two days! How would I make it the rest of the two weeks? How?!

I clawed into the pillow with my nails, letting the pain in my hands fuel my frustration.

“CALL ME ALREADY!! YOU MOTHERFUCKER!!” I shouted at the top of my lungs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song for this chapter is "Restless" by Johnny Kidd & The Pirates.
> 
> Pirates... I didn't realize the connection until just now. XD I guess I'm really out of it.


	25. Could You Be Loved

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chaos. Deception. More Chaos. More Deception.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter? So soon? Whaa? ;)

Yelling as loudly and hard as I did actually felt pretty good. Though any relief it gave was overcome the moment I heard the door slam open.

Eka screamed and dove under the dining table. Carlos, with his gun at the ready, had entered the flat checking for anything wrong. Eka started rocking back and forth mumbling something over and over.

I could have laughed at the ridiculousness of the scene if I wasn’t so miserable. I still had a clawing need I was wrestling with.

“What the fuck is going on?!” Carlos shouted, lowering his gun waiting for either of us to venture an explanation. Eka yelped at his raised voice but was otherwise silent. It was up to me to answer.

“Sorry. I-I’m not feeling well.” I cleared my throat, trying not to look at him as I sat up and hugged the pillow to my chest.

“Fuck. Fuck!” His eyes looked like they were staring at my chest and I furrowed my brow a bit at the apparent freshness. He stepped into the bedroom looking pissed. “Where’s the first aid kit?!”

My body flinched at his booming voice and I tried to wrap my head around why he’d suddenly need a first aid kit. He didn’t shoot anyone.

“I-I don’t know where. I haven’t s-seen one.”

He made an exasperated noise and rushed out of the flat, leaving the door open. I could hear his boots moving furiously fast on the steps. Eka got out from under the table slowly. Her eyes were glued to the door as she moved toward the bedroom.

“Eva-” She started her pleading sobs but immediately cut them off when she looked at me. She backs away like she’s seen a monster and that monster is me.

“What?” I asked unsure of what the both of them are so freaked out about.

“You’re hurt.” She whispers.

It’s at that point I registered pain in my hand. I pull it away from the pillow, the fabric tugs like I have something slightly sticky on my palm. I see red bleeding through the thick bandage near my thumb. I immediately tried to fight the blood abruptly trying to drain out of my head. I swayed a bit but I’m able to remain awake. I breathed through my mouth and close my eyes.

Soon the sound of Carlos’s boots on the stairs hits my ears again. I opened my eyes and watched him enter the flat holding a large, worn-looking first aid kit.

“Move. Get out of the way.” He told Eka who stumbled into the corner of the bedroom in her haste to get out of the way.

“Let me see your hand.” He commanded and I held it out to him while keeping my eyes on the closet door. He opened the first aid kit and started pulling out the things he thinks he’s going to need.

I pondered telling him that I’ll faint if I see the blood. Then I wondered if he already knows. Vaas seemed to put more trust in Carlos than his other men, I didn’t know what he might have said the last time.

Carlos tugged at the bandage on my hand, unwrapping it with care. I’m surprised at how cautious and gentle he is. He doesn’t seem like the kind sort, and he hardly has Vaas’s excuse for treating me like I’m fragile.

“This is gonna hurt.” He warned and he started cleaning away the blood with some kind of sterile wipe.

It took a moment for the burn of the chemicals to set in, but when it did I groaned and almost ripped my hand out of his.

He looked my hand over, keeping it out of my view deliberately. It’s clear that he knows about my problem.

“Mierda…” He whispered under his breath and pulled a radio off his belt but hesitated before using it. “Jahiem, come in. Over.”

I recognized the name. It was one of the names Vaas mentioned when he believed that I was being mistreated by his men.

“Yeah, what?” Jahiem sounded like he’s from Jamaica.

“How quick can you get a boat here?” Carlos was pressing my palm very firmly with some gauze.

“Twenty minutes maybe.”

“Call it over. We might have a situation.”

“Yeah, man. No problem.” Jahiem said unconcerned.

“Is it bad?” I asked Carlos cautiously.

“One of your stitches tore through. The one next to it is torn too.” He said increasing the pressure on my palm. “If I can’t get it to stop bleeding you’ll have to go back to the Doc.”

“Can you fix it?”

“I’m fucking trying right now.” He tugged on my hand to make a point.

Suddenly that shrill ringing I had been wanting to hear for days filled the room and all of us with dread. I can see that it isn't my phone ringing.

Carlos pulled his phone out went pale when he looked at the number. I leaned forward and saw that it was Vaas. For a moment it looked like he wasn’t going to answer, like he was too scared to.

This could be bad for him, couldn’t it? He was supposed to keep me from harm while Vaas was gone and here I was maybe needing a doctor. Vaas was probably not in the best of moods considering that the bond might have been making him volatile and the last time we talked I made him mad. It wasn’t looking good for Carlos. I felt sorry for him. What could I do? I should do something. I wanted to, but what?

“Bueno.” Carlos was pretty good at playing it cool. If I didn’t know he was worried I wouldn’t have suspected it.

“Hermano, did you just order a boat?” I was close enough I could hear Vaas’s voice. Despite the dread, hearing him made me feel like I might explode with bliss.

‘Uhhh…” Carlos was at a loss, I could see it. He didn’t know how to get himself out of this.

“There isn’t a problem? Is there?” Vaas sounded angry, but mostly worried. “Amigo?”

I lunged for the phone with my good hand and knocked it on the bed.

“Is that Vaas?!” I shouted excitedly. “Give me the phone!!”

Carlos glared at me and I winked at him. I scrambled after the phone and Carlos did too.

“Give me the phone!” I shouted. “I want to talk to Vaas!” I made an extra effort to sound needy, and querulous.

“What the fuck?!” Carlos picked up the phone and held it away from me, surprised at how insane I seemed. I mouthed at him to hang up. He looked at me with more shock.

“Let me talk to Vaas! I want to tell him something! GIVE THE PHONE TO ME!” I lunged at the phone again. I couldn't wrap my hands around it but I could mash the buttons, so I did. Carlos dropped the phone again. It was sitting on the bed and I could see that I’d been successful in ending the call. I sighed.

“Are you trying to get me fucking killed?!” Carlos shouted. He picked up the phone with angry despair on his face.

“No. I’m saving your ass.” I said calmly.

“How- What?” He was taken aback at my sudden composure.

“Look, all he knows is that you called for a boat. That could mean anything but he’s worried it has to do with me. Well, let him think that it does have to do with me, but something harmless that he will only be mad at me for.”

He furrowed his brow trying to keep up.

“I'm helping you!” I huffed impatiently.

The phone rang to life again. Carlos looked at it unsure.

“Don’t answer it.” I warned.

“He’ll kill me if I don’t.” He looked at the phone again like it was a bomb about to explode.

“Let me see the phone.” I said.

Carlos winced as he handed it over. He probably realized that he was stuck between a rock and a hard place. If he didn’t do what I said I could get him killed. If he didn’t do what Vaas said he would be killed. I had the upper hand, however. Vaas didn’t know what was happening. I did.

“Vaas? Vaas are you there?” I sounded bright and enthusiastic. “Did you miss me?”

“What did you do with Carlos?” He sounded pissed.

“Carlos will survive. He’s fine.” I said flippantly. I remembered my hand and pushed my palm against the bleeding firmly.

“What did you fucking do?” His tone was a warning.

“I took the phone. You wouldn’t call me, so I had to resort to drastic measures.”

“How exactly did you get the fucking phone away from him?” He asked suspiciously.

“I told him that I wanted some ingredients to make you a surprise and he told me that we didn’t have them and couldn’t get them. So I convinced him to try and get them anyway. He had to get someone to bring them by boat. Then you called and I couldn’t help myself.” I glanced at Eka and Carlos who looked at me like I held their lives in my hands.

“I needed you.” I said suggestively. “Really bad.”

He made a quiet groan.

“You gonna tell me how you got the phone any time soon?” He became suddenly stern.

“I tried to take it, but Carlos wouldn’t let me. So I kicked him and threatened him until he did.” I sounded annoyed. “Don’t think I didn’t notice how you dodged my question, by the way. I guess you don’t miss me. I guess you don’t want your surprise either.”

I heard nothing for over a minute and I worried the cover wouldn't take.

“I’ll tell Carlos to get you whatever you fucking need.” He sounded tired.

“What if I miss you? What if I _need_ _you?”_ I whispered, blushing when I remembered that Eka and Carlos were staring at me.

“Still feeling frustrated, huh?” He chuckled. “Te voy a dar una buena follada, no te preocupes.”

“My surprise for you, it won’t keep for long after I make it.” I said quickly. I was already getting worked up without the Spanish. I had to stay on target before I ended up in a full-blown phone sex session. With an audience. “When are you coming back to me? I want you to be able to enjoy it.”

“It’s gonna be a while, Sirenita. I’ll tell you before I come.”

“Are you sure I can’t make you _cum_ right now?” I teased him, then scolded myself for getting pulled into sensuality again.

“There’s no fucking time.” He hissed ruefully.

“Fine.” I sighed.

“If you promise to behave, I promise I’ll call you every fucking night.” He offered a consolation prize.

“It’s a deal then.” I smiled giddily. “But don’t forget I was very naughty last time. I still need to be punished.”

“No olvidé nada. I have plans for you, hermosa. Big plans. No te me escaparás.”

I shivered and then grimaced when I realized that Carlos noticed. He was grinning at me like a lech. I glared at him.

“Give the fucking phone back to Carlos now.” He clears his throat lightly.

“I want to talk to you some more.” I whined.

“I’ll talk to you tonight, Sirenita. Give the phone back.”

“Don’t break your promise or I’ll have to be evil again.” I playfully warned him.

“Evil? Is that what you fucking call it?”

“What would you have called it?” I stand up and walk to the door and pull it open bracing the phone between my ear and shoulder.

“Merciless.” Vaas answered. 

“Keep your promise and I won’t be merciless, then.” I chuckled.

“But I will.” His threat was more ludic than actually menacing. I grinned. 

“Carlos! Get up here. The phone is for you.” I shouted angrily into the empty warehouse; all part of the illusion.

Carlos approaches from the bedroom he looked like he’d been punched in the gut. Sort of pale and lost.

“I love you.” I said before tossing Carlos the phone, not waiting for a response.

He barely caught it and looked at me nervously. I nodded at him reassuringly.

“Jefe? Ella me cogió desprevenido. I-” He started to say weaky before Vaas cut him off.

I could see Eka looking thoroughly harrowed in the bedroom doorway. She looked exhausted but her expression was apprehensive and confused. Which I considered a step in the right direction, seeing as up until this point she was hovering between being lachrymose and utterly horrified or both. She was watching Carlos, following his every movement. I didn’t think anything of it, he had a gun of course she'd watch him.

“Okay. I’ll get what she wants.” Carlos gave me a strange look before walking outside.  
I approached Eka and she hugged me without a word once I was in range.

She wasn’t clinging to me for safety, it was more like she needed comforting and didn’t have any other option.

“I need your help.” I said after the length of the hug got weird for me. “We have to clean the bedding and I can’t do it. I can’t even look at it.”

She released me quietly and walked back into the bedroom, gathering the stained bedding. She didn’t say anything. She didn’t cry. She was solemnly carrying out the task.

I leaned against the dining table thinking about it while I waited for Carlos to return.

He came back only a minute or two later looking pissed and confused.

“What am I supposed to get for you? What?” He demands.

I turned around and faced him with a calm smile. It wasn’t the thank you I’d expected.

“First things first. My hand.” I lift both my hands in the air to show him. He squeezed his eyes shut and huffed air through his nostrils. “Don’t worry. You are going to live to see another day.”

“Give me your hand.” He stormed over to me.

“Why are you so angry?” I asked as he looked my hand over. He ignored me. “We’re okay. All of us.”

He looked me in the eye, his jaw was set, his teeth tightly clenched. Yet he didn’t say anything. Something was off.

“I was happy to help you out.” I smiled widely, acting like I’m oblivious to his misgivings.

He doesn’t respond, examining my hand carefully.

“Is it still bleeding?”

“No.” He mumbles. “It stopped.”

“Thank you.” I said it and meant it sincerely. He looked less mad.

“I’m getting a bandage.” He moved into the bedroom where Eka was pulling the bedding off. She was in the way, but he didn't command her to move like before. He just looked at her for a long moment, then cleared his throat. She jumped with a yelp at the sound. She spun around and looked at him, her face was suddenly strange. She looked at him with wide eyes but she wasn’t exactly fearful. He gathered up the first aid kit and walked back to me. She was watching him carefully. She bit her lip anxiously.

Had Carlos touched Eka before now? Had he? He’d only ever poked his gun at her that I’d seen. I supposed it could technically be possible that he hadn’t made any skin contact with her before. Was he...? Were they...?

Carlos started cleaning and re-bandaging my hand. Eka was pulling the bedding into the bathroom, I assumed the tub. Was it possible? From what I saw it could be, I’d never seen them touch. I had to find out.

“Hey Eka? Could you come here for a second?” Carlos suddenly dropped the bandage roll.

Eka took two steps out of the bedroom and looked at me, but her eyes kept darting back to Carlos.

“Come closer.” I waved her over. Carlos was fumbling with the roll on the floor still, I almost laughed.

Eka nodded and took a few steps closer.

“Will you just come here.” I playfully scolded her hesitancy. She frowned and walked next to us, her eyes were glued to Carlos who’d stopped bothering trying to wrangle the bandage when he saw her foot.

His eyes slowly drifted up her body until they were both looking each other in the eye. I didn’t have any doubt anymore.

“I could bandage my hand if you give me the roll.” I said to Carlos.

“¿Que?” He said absentmindedly still not looking at me.

I leaned in close to his ear and watched Eka’s face twist jealously, cementing my suspicions.

“Give me the bandage and I’ll do it myself. You are clearly preoccupied.” I whispered and Carlos jerked his head to look at me with fear and then vexation.

“Don’t be upset. I’m not going to rat you out or make fun of you or anything. I think it’s nice.” I shrugged. “You can relax. Really.”

I patted Carlos on the back and smiled at Eka. Neither looked relieved.

Carlos stood and looked at my face trying to see if I was being duplicitous, when he couldn’t find anything false in my gaze he looked at Eka and swallowed hard. He reached out a hand to her and brushed his fingers slowly through her short hair. She winced under his touch, and tears started to fall down her cheeks. Then she let out a choked sob.

“No llores m-mi a-amor.” I can tell he struggled with the words as he brushed away a tear with his thumb.

That’s when Eka abruptly and dramatically shouted; “NO!” and ran into the bathroom, weeping. I frowned, wondering if I had a right to be annoyed. A few days ago I was acting very similarly.

Carlos’s face looked like Imhotep’s at the end of “The Mummy Returns,” when Anck-su-namun abandons him. I only knew because Eka and I’d watched it yesterday. In any case, I felt sorry for him.

He gritted his teeth and looked like he was going to do something rash. Avenge his emotional disappointment.

He took a step toward the bathroom and I grabbed his arm.

“What the f-”

“Let her have some time.” I said. “This isn’t easy. She’s been through a lot already. She needs to have some time to sort through it.”

He looked at me like he didn’t want to listen and started pulling away.

“Please don’t do what Vaas did.” I pleaded, my eyes started to water. “It’s so hard to get over and she’s more fragile than I am.”

He struggled with himself for a moment.

“Fuck.” He said quietly before brushing off my hand and going outside. The door slammed behind him.

There was yet another layer of complication to my life, like I really needed it. What were the chances something like this would happen right now? God… My life was becoming some weird, fucked-up soap opera.

I pondered going into the bathroom and trying to comfort Eka. Try to tell her not to drive herself crazy like I had. Then I thought about Vaas and how talking to him helped a lot with my own problem. My soul was settled for the moment and if he called me every night, we might make it through. Then I remembered how I just lied to him.

I did it for a good reason but I worried he'd find out and then everything would blow up in my face. And Carlos's, literally. He'd probably get capped or worse and Vaas would get psycho on me again. Not trust me again. I wouldn't say anything, Carlos wouldn't say anything, especially not now. Eka could be a weak link, but Vaas wouldn't come after her unless he suspected something, and I was pretty sure she wouldn't volunteer information. Hell, she probably wouldn't be in the same room as Vaas if she could help it. It would be fine. Nobody would talk. If no one did, there was no risk. I sighed trying to relax.

But even though I could justify my actions I still felt bad. Really guilty.  
  
 _Shit._

Maybe the weak link was me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's song is "Could You Be Loved" by Bob Marley & The Wailers
> 
> I didn't sleep much again. *Sighs* I can't seem to keep my sleep schedule consistent. Which is probably why this chapter feels crazy to me.


	26. These Arms of Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The past is discussed. A promise is kept in the present. And a mermaid frets over the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a POV switch at the beginning.  
> The events in the game have come into play.  
> The end of the chapter is smutty and plays the pregnancy kink pretty fucking hard. You've been warned.

_Vaas had been in a good mood today._ _They had gotten eight new captives and many of them already had buyers lined up.  
  
_ _Hoyt wasn’t breathing down his neck like he had been for the past week. It seemed like whatever suspicions Hoyt had were successfully alayed, at last. It'd been so fucking hard acting like he was fine, the cigars helped. He didn't want to rely on something harder, even though it would look better if he did. More typical, for him, at least. Still, his Sirenita wouldn't like it if he used, would she? And things were good between them right now._

_He wanted it to stay that way. He **needed** it to stay that way._

_He’d had a rather satisfying “conversation” with her the night before and he had no reason not to expect some more sugar when he called her later tonight. He craved it. Getting a little something at night, got him through the next day. She had been very good about it. Not shy, not resistant, not afraid. It was the best and the thoughts of what would happen when he could put his arms around her again teased the fuck out of him._

_Yes, things were going pretty damn good. That was until he went to take a smoke break and happened to notice two huddled figures a few yards from the treeline just outside the camp._

_It was Grant and Jason. Two of the eight captives they’d picked up yesterday. Ironically they were the least valuable ones of the bunch, apart from the one who was rotting in a hole that Vaas had dismembered to make a point. A corpse was usually pretty worthless...  
  
Still, Grant had seemingly done his best to make himself not worth the effort. He'd been a problem from the start. It’d taken several of his men to subdue the fucker, even after the graphic murder of their friend. Grant clearly still thought he was a tough prick. The motherfucking nerve! He just couldn’t get it through his thick head that this was Vaas’s kingdom. Here you lived or died by his whim. But no, the cocksucker had to be stuffed to the brim with pride and ego. **Machismo.** Vaas had seen it before. He knew Grant would only be trouble. And honestly, very few buyers would be interested in having a slave like him anyway. So far there had been no interest at all. It'd been a whole day, usually something in the way of interest would come up if anything would by now. They were looking at getting only ransom money for Grant. _

_Jason was his own special problem. The buyers interested in someone like him had already made their bids for his younger brother and his other more-attractive friend. Sadly, Jason’s fatal flaw was that he wasn’t as young and fresh-faced as Riley and he wasn’t as pretty as Keith. They’d be lucky to make a paltry amount from him when he eventually was sold and delivered, which might be as much as a month away._

_The profit they would get didn’t seem like enough to deal with the hassle of either brother. The cost of upkeep for that time alone made it not worth the investment._ _Hoyt already said as much, practically green-lit their murder._

_Vaas supposed, since they were worthless, he could let them go. He could tell his Sirenita that he’d fulfilled his promise above and beyond what she asked. Get some extra points with her, maybe enough to get her to let him indulge in his favorite fantasy. However, he knew Grant wouldn’t rest until all of his friends were rescued. It was written all over his fucking face along with the bruises and black eye. He’d be a pain in the ass, especially considering that Army ID they’d found in his wallet. He was a troublemaker who actually knew how to make trouble. So Vaas shot him._

_“Grant!” Jason cried seeing his brother hit the ground. He briefly looked up at Vaas who chuckled. Vaas's gun lingered, still pointed at Grant. Jason quickly pressed on Grant’s throat as blood spurted out of the hole made by the bullet._

_“What? Huh? What, you want to run?” Vaas watched as Jason tried to save his brother, begging him to hold on, keep breathing. He had intended to just shoot Jason too, find someone else to keep his promise on, but the pathetic scene spoke to him. This kid wasn’t like his older brother, he wasn’t trained, he wasn’t a killer. He was just some fucked up, pretty boy scared for his life, wanting to go home._

_He could spare Jason, and he could make it look like it wasn’t merciful. It would be easy._

_“Huh, you want to run, you want to disrespect me? You want to fuck with me? I mean you come here with your pretty boy face, right, and your pretty boy phone, your dimwit brother… And you want to fuck with me?”_

_Grant was still gurgling and writhing as Jason tried desperately to stop the bleeding, ignoring what Vaas had to say. Vaas didn’t care, this speech was more of a show for his men._

_“I like that, no I respect that.” He played off Jason’s blundering as admirable daring. “I’m going to give you 30 seconds and if this jungle doesn’t eat you up alive, I will.”_

_It would work perfectly. Jason was a coward. Vaas could see it. Jason'd try to get home, forget about his idiot friends and idiot brothers to save his own hide. Hoyt didn’t care if Jason lived or died. And letting him go would look more cruel than kind, and provide some sport for his men. Best of all, he could tell his soulmate he’d done what she wanted. It was perfect._

_If only Jason would fucking run already..._

_Grant had stilled, bled out, and Jason was looking at his corpse stupidly. Vaas whistled to get his attention. Jason quickly got to his feet and stood like a deer caught in headlights looking at Vaas with pitiful terror practically dripping off him. So why wasn’t he running??_

_“What? Are you fucking deaf? I said get the fuck out of here you chicken fuck! Run Forrest, run!” Vaas shouted, shooing him off._

_Jason bolted into the trees. Vaas rolled his shoulders with an annoyed sigh and pulled out a cigar. He waved his hand to command his men to go after the pretty boy. He flicked a lighter until it blazed the tip of his cigar. He’d spared Jason, he didn’t say anything about what his men did in his promise. Besides he’d given Jason his best chance to escape and survive. The jungle could really eat him up, but that wasn’t Vaas’s problem anymore. The survival skills or the stupidity of the one spared hadn't been addressed in the promise either._

_He took a long drag, and let the smoke drift into the air, chuckling as one of his choppers flew over the jungle. His pirates were really excited about the hunt.  
  
_ _He leaned against the post of the porch trying to relax. He didn’t want to ever think about Jason again. E_ _specially not when he could be thinking about his beautiful Sirenita and how wet he could make her when he told her he’d kept his promise._

_Vaas smiled with a wicked glitter in his green eyes._

* * *

“You are his belahan jiwanya.” Were Eka’s first words to me in four days.

For four whole days I’d tried to get her to be more explicit about her feelings and to be more accepting of Carlos or to take any sort of enjoyment out of life. For four whole days she was silent, and morose. She refused to talk about anything.

I tried to ply her with movies, but she watched them with an apathetic look on her face. When I wasn’t in the flat she would cry. I could hear her when I was underneath the bedroom where the laptop and cargo containers were. It was infuriating for me. However annoying I found it, Carlos was probably going insane.

I’d gone to talk to him about getting ingredients for Vaas’s surprise and I found him sitting beside the laptop table on the floor. He looked like he was dying of thirst while being tortured listening to Eka cry through the ceiling. Something had to be done or I was pretty sure Carlos would have a mental break and start blowing people away, or that he’d adopt Vaas’s more forceful approach and break Eka in his pursuit of her.

Luckily, I came up with a sort of solution. I suggested Carlos teach me (and Eka by extension) about guns and weapons. The idea had come to me when I noticed that Carlos seemed to have a different gun everyday and unlike the rest of the pirates, whose guns seemed to be neglected, his were noticeably better maintained. He liked his firearms, he knew them and he took care of them.

When I thought about being taught about guns, I’d imagined Vaas teaching me. His arms around me, feeling his body against mine… I wondered how patient he would be, if he’d praise me… I’d been lost in thought over the idea until I realized that if I was turned on by the idea of it, maybe Eka would too. And even if she wasn’t willing to show her excitement, Carlos would get to interact with her in a positive way once a day for at least an hour. Which was decidedly better than gloomily sitting under the flat listening to his soulmate cry for hours.

Carlos agreed quickly, though I could tell he was dubious at the idea of teaching me how to use anything that could be used to escape. I just had to show him my hands and say I wasn’t going to actually handle the guns, just observe and he gave in.

I didn’t intend to ever have to use the knowledge I’d hopefully learn. It was better for me to avoid any action that included the possibility of blood. That being said, I knew, in this violent world I found myself in, knowledge was preferable to ignorance. And while I knew how to use a pistol somewhat proficiently, I didn’t have any experience with any other firearms or weapons. If my survival came down to using a SMG or a shotgun, I might have a problem.

When I told Eka we were going to learn about guns from Carlos her eyes lit up for just a second before she went back to her lugubriousness. She nodded, still refusing to speak. We met Carlos in the warehouse and he had several guns leaning against the sheet metal wall, ready to teach us about. He didn’t seem enthusiastic about the whole thing until he saw Eka walking down the stairs toward him. She seemed funereal about it however. She didn’t betray a smile or even the hint of one.

He started with pistols, explaining how they broke down and how to put them back together. He showed us how to clear the chamber after you take the magazine out. He handed the gun to Eka and she tried to demonstrate what she’d seen him do, but she couldn’t quite do it. I could tell she wasn’t comfortable with the gun in her hands. Carlos seemed to notice too, or at least recognized an opportunity to touch her. He came around behind her and showed her how to do it again. His hands guiding hers. She had stiffened at his touch at first but then I watched as her body relaxed against him. Especially after he’d praise her for doing something correctly.

I felt like an evil genius whose plan was coming together nicely. A knowing and smug smile was plastered on my face the whole time.

We’d had four days of lessons and I found them quite edifying. I tried to remember as much as I could. Eka didn’t resist when I’d tell her it was time for another lesson like she had the first time either. It was going pretty well, I thought, but she still refused to speak that whole time. Even when I could tell she was enjoying being with Carlos she refrained from speaking to him. She would only shake her head or nod. It bothered Carlos, I could tell, but he was so starved for touch that he didn’t make an issue of it while he was teaching.

So the time passed until I found myself sitting on my bed in the darkness waiting for my nightly call from Vaas. He was pretty late tonight, and I felt that restlessness eating at me while I tried to be forbearing. It was like waiting for a ration of scraps. They weren’t very filling, but at least it was better than starving. That was how I felt most of the time, like I was starving for Vaas or that I couldn’t really live without him. That I was suffocating.

It was during this moment that Eka suddenly appeared in the bedroom doorway speaking her first words to me in four days.

“You are his belahan jiwanya.” She said again when I didn’t respond the first time.

“Uh…” I didn’t know what the hell she was talking about. And in my impatience for Vaas’s call I wanted to be angry about it. But I recognized that this was better than her typical melancholic behavior and I took a different approach. 

“I don’t know what a bel- belalan ji-” I tried to pronounce the words without much success. “I don’t know what _that_ thing you said is.”

“When your heart is tied to his.” She explained with her hands over her own heart.

“Do you mean soulmate?” I asked.

She nodded walking into the room and sitting at the foot of the bed. I wanted to remind her that Vaas would be calling and how much she hated that, but I could tell she was about to be forthcoming.

“You and Vaas?” She asked.

I nodded. She was the first person I’d talked to about it that wasn’t saying our condition was obvious.

“How?” She asked. I assumed she was wanting to know how it happened and began recounting the story of chasing down Fiona and the pirates, then meeting Vaas and punching him in the face. 

She shook her head vehemently. “How does he have a soulmate? How?” This was a bit strange. Either I didn’t understand the question or she didn’t know even basic things about soulmates.

“Everyone has a soulmate.” I said remembering what Vaas had mentioned about what the natives felt about the bond. It was possible they could be ignorant about it if they’d been trying to suppress it for decades.

“No.” She shook her head like she didn’t want to believe it. “That’s impossible.”

“What?” I was confused.

“Only the pure have the belahan jiwa.” She stated it like it was an ironclad explanation.

“Let’s start at the beginning.” I rubbed my forehead, irritated at her vagueness.

“You can only have one if you are pure.” She said. “Your soulmate is who you give your purity to.”

I furrowed my brow thinking about what she could mean. It sounded like her people believed that you were only allowed a soulmate if you were a virgin and that the person you gave your virginity to was the one who you’d be bonded to. That was too ridiculous to be true, right?

“That’s so silly.” I couldn’t help but laugh about it. Eka looked upset, so I stopped. 

“That’s not how it works.” I said, trying to be serious. “Everyone has a soulmate, you don’t know it until you touch them. It doesn’t have anything to do with virginity or purity.” If virginity was the price of having a soulmate, I would be exempt and I was pretty sure Vaas would too. Call me crazy.

Tears started to fall down her cheeks and she hid her face in her hands. Thinking about it, it made sense she’d have some sort of preconceived erroneous idea about soulmating. If her people didn’t adhere to the bond and kept their women from touching anyone other than their intended, they’d have to come up with some sort of bullshit to explain it. Promising that the bond would happen if they were good, chaste and obedient was a way of keeping them in line. It was sick to think about.

“My mother told me. It was supposed to work. I was tricked!” She wasn’t speaking to me. It sounded like she was reassuring herself.

“What happened, Eka?” I looked her in the eye firmly. She shook her head. “No. Enough of your childish silence. It’s time you unburdened yourself.”

She looked at me fearfully. I maintained my firm expression. She looked like she was about to run, then she thought better of it. No doubt realizing that she’d only have Carlos to run to and that wasn’t something she wanted either.

“I had a secret boyfriend.” She admitted like it was admitting to cold-blooded murder.

“Go on.”

“My mother didn’t know. Rizal wanted me and she agreed to him. Lemah said he could save me if we… if we…” She started crying. “So we did and nothing changed.”

I was trying to follow the story but the details were near non-existent.

“Who is Rizal?” I asked.

“He is a warrior.” She sobbed.

“Who is Lemah?” She looked at me distressed and fell over on the bed, too upset to answer. “Is he your secret boyfriend?”

She managed to nod. If I was properly filling in the blanks, the story seemed rather similar to Vaas and Citra’s. Eka was wanted by a warrior, but didn’t want him. Lemah tried to “save” her by taking her virginity, in this case. Vaas had resorted to murder which had been more effective. In any case it made sense. She’d been told that she’d be bound to whomever she gave her virginity to and it hadn’t worked.

“He told me I lied to him! He was so angry. He told my mother and the village.” She went on fighting her frantic sobbing. “He a-abandoned me. _He_ lied to _me!_ My m-mother told me I wasn’t her daughter a-anymore. R-Rizal didn’t want me anymore e-either.”

Wow. What a miserable experience. She lost everything over the bullshit belief that she only had value if she was a virgin, that her virginity was her only way to gain success. I felt sorry for her. I had trouble with my own mother. She was constantly and impatiently pushing for me to find my soulmate. But it wasn’t because she believed that I only had value paired up with someone else. It was because she wanted me to be happy like she had been. And also because she wanted grandkids, but we didn’t need to go there. The point was she taught me that my value was in my person, not my purity, not my looks, not in my ability to serve and please a man. Eka didn’t have that. I felt so sorry for her.

“I was so hungry. I went to Bad Town. I was going to- to-” She didn’t finish her sentence. 

She didn’t need to. I could only imagine what sort of security a woman like Eka could find in a place called “Bad Town.”

“On the way, the pirates see me. They took me, took me here.” She buried her face in the bedding, muffling her sobs. I wondered if Carlos was underneath the flat listening. Then I wondered how many people had listened to Vaas and me while we were alone together. I felt a blush creep on my cheeks.

“Eka. It’s okay. All those jerks lied to you. Don’t feel bad about what they think.” I put a hand on her shoulder. She looked at me sniffing.

“What are the lies?” She asked curiously.

“You can still have a soulmate if you aren’t a virgin. You know who your soulmate is when you touch them.” I reiterated. “How did you first touch Carlos?”

“You were talking to Vaas on the phone. I got up and watched from the door and he came up behind me. He put his hand here.” She touched her left shoulder fondly.

“And everything changed.” I said.

“Yes.” She nodded, speaking in a whisper.

“You didn’t do anything wrong. Don’t feel bad.” Eka started to cry at my words.

“He won’t love me! I know!” She suddenly shouted.

“Carlos?” I asked, scoffing. “You have eyes. You can see how he feels.”

“No, if he knows. If he knows I’m n-not- I’m not… H-He’ll… He’ll hate me.”

“Calm down. Okay? He knows. He doesn’t care.” I said realizing that I didn’t have any right to speak for what Carlos knew or felt. I didn’t know anything about how he felt for certain. I certainly didn’t know what he knew.

She calmed down a little.

“You should talk to him.” I suggested. “Tell him how you feel about everything.”

“N-Now??” She asked.

“If you want.” I was pretty sure he was still in the warehouse, underneath our feet, listening.

She smiled in a goofy way and blushed. “I can’t do that.”

“Why not?”

“I can’t. It’s wrong.” Her expression gave away her embarrassment that things might become sexual if she went to him.

“It’s not wrong. He’s your soulmate.” I said feeling like the world’s biggest hypocrite. While Vaas was gone, I felt more bold about my sexuality, but I knew if he was here I would be hardly any better than Eka was about it. Vaas called it being “shy.” I called it having a sense of propriety. “But if you aren’t comfortable with that sort of thing, ask him to wait.”

I made it sound simple, too simple.

My phone rang, startling the two of us. Eka jumped to her feet, I scrambled to pick the phone up. As I pressed the answer key, I heard her open the door to the flat. I could only assume she was going to Carlos. It made me smile.

“Vaas?” I asked merrily.

“Who else would it fucking be?” His words were good humored.

“I missed you.”

“I missed you more.” He said cheekily. “I have a surprise for you.”

“But I haven’t given you my surprise yet.” I let my voice whine playfully.

“You’ll really like this surprise.” He promised.

“Do I get to know what it is right now? Or do I have to wait?” I really didn’t want to wait.

“I kept my promise, Sirenita.” It took me a moment to remember what he was talking about. The promise I’d coerced him into seemed like forever ago, though it’d only been a week since he made it to me.

“You spared someone?” I asked. I couldn’t believe it, but if it were true it was very touching.

“I did. Just for you.” He purred.

“That’s amazing Vaas. I love you so much!” I smiled, my heart felt uplifted. Like the clouds were parting.

“How much do you love me?” His voice was low and hearty. The moment went from heartwarming to tantalizing in zero seconds flat.

“Hmmm… You were a very good boy to keep your promise.” Over the past four days I’d gotten used to phone sex. I still felt ridiculous, but I liked the freeing power of it. I could say what I felt, whatever filthy thing that came to mind and I didn’t actually have to be bothered with the embarrassment of actually doing it.

Despite that, I was still reluctant to use my nuclear option again, though Vaas would beg for it. I felt guilty about the idea of it. I’d done it once, just to see if it’d work. That test had been successful, using it again seemed irresponsible. Like I was making promises I didn’t have any intention of keeping once he was back in the flesh. I didn’t want to lead him on that way.

“Please Sirenita. Tu sabes lo que quiero.” He pleaded.

I still felt guilty about lying to him from a few days ago too. What was the harm in giving in this once? This was a special moment and I could address any awkward situations that would arise later when I had him in my arms again.

“Yes, I know. And you’ve been so good to me tonight-” I hesitated for a moment second-guessing myself.

“¿Estás lista para que te haga el amor? ¿Estás mojada ahora?” Vaas was already breathing hard.

“I wish I could have you here so I could touch you, kiss you, let you take me how you want.”

“Sí, estoy aquí en el mismo lugar que estás. Quiero que me sientas, que sientas mi fuerza.”

He made an obscene groan and I could hear his hand stroking over his dick. I blushed, feeling a rush of arousal hit between my thighs. It startled me how intensely good it felt. It made me nervous about letting him luxuriate in this fantasy. This was unwise, but another part of me wanted to see how far this kink of his went, no matter how humiliating it would be to find out.

“Just think of it Vaas.” I whispered in a sultry tone. “You, inside me. Your thick cum filling me up.”

“Necesitaba esto. Haces que me sienta tan bien. Dime más.” He breathed the words and I felt a shiver run through me.

“Can you imagine me? My belly, getting bigger as your child grows inside?” I was expecting him to back out or tell me I was taking things too far, but he didn’t. He was more lost to lust from the sound of it.

“Q-Quiero tener un hijo contigo! No puedo... No puedo esperar! Fuck!” He was properly frantic now. 

I was surprised to notice my own breath was heavy and quick. I was struggling to keep my head above water in a sea of carnality. This was affecting me too much. This was _his_ fetish. _His._ Not mine. If I was so worked up it had to be the Spanish or the dangerous nature of what he wanted. The risk coupled, with Spanish and compounded by our connection was what was making me shake with need. Nothing else. Nothing.

“Do it Vaas! Make it all true! Put your baby in me!” I had intended to whisper the words, concerned that someone could hear me through the floor. But a bolt of intense passion struck me and for a moment I was almost sure I could feel his skin on mine. The sensation almost threw me into an orgasm on it’s own and I found myself shouting, impassioned.

I could hear him coming undone on the other end of the line. I just breathed deeply trying not to think about the zealous desire that almost pushed me over the edge by the thought alone. And that I’d practically just hallucinated him touching me for a split second.

“Swear to God, you are going to kill me, Sirenita.” He panted. “That was too fucking good.”

I forced myself to giggle like I was pleased. I was disturbed and nervous.

“Are you alright?” He picked up on the fakeness of my laughter.

“Um…” I thought about telling him the truth, but I was afraid of what it might lead to. “I’m fine, just tired.”

I lied.

“I’ll let you sleep then.” He said and my heart sank a little.

“Okay.” I couldn’t think of how to keep him on the phone. My brain was whirling madly, preoccupied with what’d happened.

“Buenas noches, mi Sirenita. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

“Sleep well. I-I love you.” I almost didn’t say it this time. I hoped he didn’t notice my hesitation.

The call ended and I found myself staring at the dirty skylight knowing I wouldn’t be sleeping for hours yet, if I could get myself to sleep at all. 

_This is stupid, it was just dirty talk. It didn’t mean anything. It is just a means to an end._ I tried to comfort myself even though I knew it wasn’t true. I was well past the point of the things I did with him meaning nothing. It meant something, I just didn't know how I felt about what it meant.

Perhaps that was what bothered me so much. Even though I liked the noncommittal freedom of the phone, I knew sooner or later he was going to come back. Sooner or later the stuff I said on the phone would have to be reinforced in reality. I didn’t want what happened tonight to be real. I didn’t want to even think about it. As it was I considered it to be like an earthquake, and I was standing on shore to see if a tsunami would come to ruin and destroy everything for me because of it.

Maybe that’s why his kink disturbed me so much, even over the phone. It made me think I could hear the warning sirens when I wanted so much to be deaf to them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's song is "These Arms of Mine" by Otis Redding.
> 
> Now that the game is involved things are going to get pretty interesting. I'm excited.


	27. I Disagree

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bliss, games, jealousy, truth and pretending.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't edited again. So things might change up a bit. How about we just make that the standing agreement for all the chapters? ^_^;

I woke up and felt exhausted immediately. I looked at the time on the phone and realized I’d only slept four hours tops. The sound of Eka laughing quietly drew my gaze toward the kitchen. Carlos was leaning over the counter top while she was putting fruit in his mouth and giggling when he would pull her in for a quick kiss.

I groaned, putting the pillow over my head and trying to block out the sound of their bliss. It reminded me of what Fiona and Will would do. I was annoyed partly out of habit. I was also annoyed because Vaas wasn’t here and last night had ended pretty rough for me. I might have also been grumpy because of my lack of sleep.

Why did I have to go along with his fetish again? Why was I so stupid?? I should have said no and did something else. 

There was no use rehashing. I had to figure out a way to deal with this. Get a gameplan down before he came back and we’d be playing for keeps again. 

When he was coming back was another thing to fret about. Not knowing when it could happen was troublesome. I felt like he’d just show up, despite his promise of giving me some notice. That one day I’d wake up and he’d be there again. I was excited about the prospect before. I had been deliberately naughty, teased him, asked for a “punishment”... What the hell was wrong with me? How did my brain just shut off without my notice? 

God, why was this all so impossible? If it wasn’t one thing it was another and I felt bad that I always seemed to be the one with the problem or causing drama. Vaas couldn’t help the desires he had, right? And honestly, I was surprised they weren’t worse than a mere pregnancy fetish. With his life, they could have been so much worse, and I was grateful that they weren’t. It was rather tame, and normal wasn’t it? Maybe not normal in the extremity of it, but it was normal to want a family with your soulmate. It just wasn’t a good time or place for such a wish and I didn’t know if it would ever be. I couldn’t imagine anything happening to change our situation enough to make me okay with giving him what he seemed to want so badly.

I heard Eka giggle again.

At least things were working out really well for one of us. Her problems were quickly gotten over. If only mine could be. 

That was another thing that bothered me, I had already talked to him about this. He knew it scared the shit out of me. He just glossed over it and pulled me into his lasciviousness again. No. What he really did was show me he didn’t care about how I felt. Why? Did he really not care? Or was it because he didn’t have a solution and didn’t know how to deal with it as a result? I was going to do my best to give him the benefit of the doubt. Though I knew we needed to talk about things, really talk. Not get distracted with sexy times, like always. I would be brave, and talk about it tonight.

Realizing that I wasn’t going to be able to lay in bed forever and I would have to live with the fruits of my labor with Eka and Carlos, I got out of bed to face the day or some shit like that.

The day progressed slowly, full of uncomfortable moments of me witnessing the cloying affection between them. The only highlight to my day was learning about sniper rifles from Carlos and the rest of ingredients for Vaas’s surprise coming. 

After discussing options and looking up recipes on the laptop with Carlos for nearly two hours, we were able to settle on chocolate cake. The recipe was modified as some of the typical ingredients were impossible to get within a month’s time, but I was confident it would be edible and also delicious. More importantly it would keep the cover solid.

Maybe one day I’d tell him I’d popped a stitch and a half freaking out because he wasn’t there and wasn’t talking to me, _and_ that Carlos and Eka were soulmates, but now was not the time. It wasn’t relevant to Vaas either. Not that I could see.

The supplies came in bulk. Which was nice as it provided the opportunity to practice. 

Considering my hands, Eka would be doing most of the practicing. We tried out the recipe after Carlos’s gun lesson. It went pretty well, although the cake fell while it cooled. It tasted like a chocolate cake though, which was the important thing. 

It wasn’t exactly the taste of my Mom’s recipe, but it was close enough to make my eyes water. Carlos didn’t notice, but Eka did.

“Is it not right?” She asked me quietly.

Before I could answer, Carlos refuted the suggestion of fault. “It’s fucking good.”

I nodded and went back to the bedroom trying not to think about Fiona or my Mom or anyone else I cared about. When it didn’t work, I just tried not to cry. I failed there too. At least I was able to weep in silence. 

Later once I dried my eyes, and walked out of the bedroom again, Eka and Carlos were snuggling on the couch. I rankled at the sight of my own handiwork and walked out into the warehouse. They could have the flat to themselves.

I expected to find the warehouse empty. I’d wanted to sit alone and not hear anything remotely romantic. Instead I found there pirates seated around a makeshift table playing Texas Hold ‘em. They were talking quietly and laughing with each other, smoking as they played.

Eventually they all noticed me and their boisterous amusement was exchanged for soundless shock as they stared at me. I walked down the steps toward them and they exchanged worried looks with each other. They’d probably thought Carlos would be preoccupied for longer and didn’t expect to see anyone else coming out of Vaas’s place. I’d caught them shirking their guard duties.

“Poker?” I asked stopping once I could see the table.

“Yeah.” The tallest one said taking a long drag on his cigarette and blowing the smoke behind him. He had short dreadlocks and dark chocolate skin, and a face that showed he’d realized I wasn’t going to snitch about their game. “You play?”

“I can.” I admitted to having the necessary knowledge. “But, you don’t want to play with me.”

“Why not?” Asked the pirate on his left. This one was tan, with narrow brown eyes. He had a red bandana on his head.

“For one thing, I don’t have any money to bet with.” I smiled.

“You could bet something else.” The third suggested. He was the palest of the three, though that didn’t mean much. All of them made me look as white as printer paper or a corpse. He had a smug look on his face as he took a drink from a brown bottle.

“Like what?” I asked, cocking my head a bit.

“How ‘bout a kiss?” He suggested. His fellow pirates snickered like preteen boys who found a ripped up Playboy on the side of the road.

“That would be a stupid bet.” I raised an eyebrow.

“Cuz you’d lose?” The one with the bandana on his head laughed before putting his cigarette between his teeth.

“No, because you’d lose.” I smiled.

“Ha, she thinks she’s pro or something.” The paler one grinned.

“No. I just know basic math.”

They looked at me with amused confusion.

“Let me ask you this; What happens if I lose and kiss you?”

“I win.” He took another swig.

“No. Vaas happens. You think he’s just going to sit back and let you kiss me?”

They all stiffened. I felt a little tingle of pride in my chest.

“No, making bets with me means you lose even if I don’t win.”

“Bitch makes a point.” The first said tapping his cards on the table surface with a smile.

“Excuse me? _Who_ makes a point?” I frowned at him and folded my arms.

“Sorry, uh?” He looked at me to fill in the blanks.

“Eva.”

“Eva makes a point.” He corrected begrudgingly.

“I’m just going to watch.” I waved off the tension I had created and smiled when they forced themselves to relax before resuming their game. 

Their game was rather sedate considering that they were pirates. Bets would be placed and they would trash talk each other but there was no sense of suspense or real competition. It was like the game was an excuse to just sit there until the money ran out.

Despite this, they would always claim superiority over each other when they’d win a hand. The winner was a real man with great skill, though no skill was actually being demonstrated. I was bored.

“Ha! That’s what I’m fucking saying, you pussies! I’m king!” The one with dreads shouted when he won fifty dollars off each of his comrades.

Before I could stop myself, a scoffing noise escaped my mouth.

“What?” He asked with a face that questioned why I was shitting on his victory.

“Nothing.” I tried to hide my smirk behind my hand.

“What? You think you can beat me?” He sneered.

“No, it’s not that… Sorry what’s your name?”

“Odane.” He took another drag as he pulled his winnings toward his side of the table.

“Well, Odane. This game doesn’t prove anything.”

“You got a game better?” The bandana’d one asked mockingly, his narrow eyes almost looking completely closed.

“I do. But it’s hard. You have to think fast and move fast, or you lose.”

“What’s your game, Go Fish?” The third chimed in, trying to get a chuckle from his friends. They abliged.

“Egyptian Rat Screw.” I said it like I was telling a ghost story.

They looked at each other, then at me, with furrowed brows.

“What’s that?” Odane asked. He said it like he was brushing it off as nothing.

“Never heard of it? I'm surprised.” I looked down on them. “Though people can get hurt playing it, so maybe I”m not surprised you’ve never played.”

I could see that I’d intrigued them. They were tentatively interested, but trying to act like they weren’t.

“I can show you how to play if you like. Wait, nevermind.”

“What? Why not?” The one with narrow eyes demanded.

“Sorry?”

“Pak. Why can you show us?” He asked again impatiently.

“Take a look at my hands, Pak.” I said showing them my bandaged and broken hands.

“Then just tell us.” The third one said standing up and grabbing another chair for me.

“Thank you, I’m sorry, what’s your name?” I asked as he held the seat for me, like a gentleman would.

“Luis.” He answered and sat down.

“I suppose I could, Luis.” I smirked mischievously.

Odane, Pak and Luis were very attentive students. They listened and followed my instructions.

“That doesn’t sound so hard.” Luis said, once I’d explained.

“Perhaps not, but you have to move really fast and you could get hurt.” I said before they started a practice round.

“Motherfucker!” Luis shouted holding his hand after Odane slammed down his own on top of him, trying to get the pile.

My face betrayed an “I told you so” expression.

“No fucking kidding.” He responded sucking on his battered knuckle. Odane and Pak just laughed.

That was the thing about this game, it was all about how aggressively you played. If no one was really trying to win, the game wasn’t too exciting. But if you get one person determined to win, just one person, it becomes a game of lightning reflexes, quick wits and steadfast daring. 

The point of the game was to get all the cards by slapping the pile first. To be the first to put your hand on the pile, you had to pay careful attention to the cards and the people around you, letting yourself get distracted, even for a second could make you lose your cards. Not only that, once you were first, you had to brave the pain of any and all the hands that came second slapping down on yours.

Once the practice game was over they immediately started another one. Each was determined to win, and prove they had the best speed or smarts. I was suddenly much more entertained watching the game.

The sun was starting to set and the game had grown to include several more pirates, all taking the game in shifts so someone was left to guard.

The name “Egyptian Rat Screw” was too tame for them, they all started calling it “Egyptian Rat Fuck” or just “Rat Fuck” for short. They quickly adapted the game to fit their brutality, making sure that every time someone went for the pile, they’d have to endure the slap of everyone else who was too slow. They’d also devised a method of betting that was more for the spectators than for the players. They made wagers on who they thought would win. 

They smoked, drank, laughed and cheered. Someone brought in some music and it felt sort of like a real party.

I knew they would like the game. What surprised me was how they quickly started treating me like I was one of them. I learned their names. They offered me cigarettes, beer and hard liquor. They came to me when they weren’t sure about the rules. I teased good-naturedly when they lost, praised them when they won. When someone said something about women, they’ll all apologize to me, until they stop bringing up their misogyny all together. I laughed at their sometimes crude anecdotes about the crazy shit they’d seen on the island. I was like a member of the club.

I took it all with a grain of salt, but I had to admit it felt awesome and sort of normal. Almost like I could have friends again, regain some semblance of the good things my life had before. Not that I associated with murderers before. But it was all I had to work with now.

Someone put a hand on my shoulder and tugged me around. It was Carlos. His face was stern, warning me.

“What?” I asked with a frown. He was ruining my good time.

He lifted my phone into view. The screen showed Vaas was on the line. I looked out the warehouse door, it was solidly nighttime. This would look bad, wouldn’t it? I took the phone, there was no point in answering, I wouldn’t be able to hear much with the game going on.

“Hey where are you going?” Odane asked and everyone turned to look at me as I walked up the stairs.

“You’ll have to play without me boys. It’s bedtime.” I winked.

They oohed and ahhed for a moment then went back to the game. A cheer ran out as someone took a pile. and shut the door behind me. I took a deep breath and leaned back.

“Hello?”

“Having fun with my guys?” He didn’t sound very happy.

“Yes, actually.” Maybe the fast friendship it’d made with his men had gone to my head, but I wasn’t going to apologize for enjoying myself.

“That’s good, Sirenita. That’s fucking GREAT!” He was already losing his temper.

“Is there something I’m missing, Vaas? Am I not allowed to enjoy myself?” I asked it seriously.

“What were you doing? Huh? Flirting? Fucking? What was so fucking enjoyable?”

“I was teaching them how to rat fuck.” I said knowing full well how bad the double entendre would sound.

He laughed in a jeering way, “I’m gonna chill, Sirenita. I’m gonna chill the fuck out, cause you didn’t just say what I think you said.”

“Didn’t I? I said I was teaching them how to rat fuck.” A small part of me liked that I was making him so angry. The other part of me, the part that thought this was a stupid idea and that I should just apologize and shut the fuck up, didn’t have control of my mouth.

“Okay. Maybe you’re getting a little lonely? A little needed?” He sounded deceptively calm. “So maybe I’ll come for a visit? Give you that good hard fuck you seem to want so bad.”

It didn’t sound half bad, but I could tell it wasn’t the end of the story.

“Yeah, fuck your tight pussy nice and hard while I blow every fucker you “taught” away in front of you.”

There it was, the story’s dead end.

His jealousy was incredible. I scoffed disgustedly so he could hear me.

“You have something to say, Sirenita?”

“You are being ridiculous. I taught them how to play a game.” I revealed. “Egyptian Rat Screw, to be specific.”

“A screwing game. How fucking stupid do you think I am.” He jeered.

“It’s just a card game. They call it _Rat Fuck_ for short. I’ll teach you if you like.” I acted like I wasn’t concerned about his murderous threat.

“So you’re just trying to make me fucking angry. Just toying with me, huh?” He sounded almost more upset.

“I don’t know if I want to talk to you when you’re like this.” I said, threatening to hang up. “Maybe we can talk when you aren’t being a ridiculous, green-eyed monster.”

“Don’t hang up. Don’t you fucking dare. Not this time.” He warned and I could tell something bad would happen if I ignored him.

“Don’t fucking threaten me or anyone else then. And stop acting like a fucking child.” I frowned.

“You are _mine._ MINE!” He shouted.

“I _am_ yours. Your soulmate. Your lover. So maybe you can give me a modicum of fucking trust here!” I shouted. “I’m not interested in fucking anyone else but you! I’m also not interested in sitting on my ass all fucking day with nothing to do. I can’t go outside! I have no one to talk to! You aren’t fucking here! So you’ll just have to forgive me for teaching your men how to play a card game just to keep myself from going fucking insane!”

The line was silent and I wondered if he hung up on me.

“Are you there?” I asked with annoyance.

“Yes, I’m still fucking here.” He replied petulantly.

“Good.” I let my voice lower to something more soothing and understanding. “I’m sure being away from me isn’t much fun for you either, but at least you can go outside. I don’t even get that.”

“You want to go outside?” He questioned.

“I wouldn’t mind it, yes.”

“You’d stop the bullshit if you get to go outside?” He asked again.

“Most of it.” There were still some things between us that couldn’t be fixed with a breath of fresh air.

“ _Most of it?_ What the fuck does that mean?” He sounded baffled.

“What it sounds like.” I was firm. “We have other things to talk about, not just your petty jealousy or my lack of sunshine.”

“Yesterday was good. So fucking good. What the fuck happened to you?” He sounded really baffled now.

“Yesterday wasn’t so good for me.” I admitted quietly.

“What? Before I called? After?? What happened?” He sounded genuinely concerned. I started to feel bad.

“No. During the call.” This confession was ill-timed, I knew. He’d just threatened to murder his own men while fucking me. I was making a mistake.

“You still scared, hermosa? Hmm?” He jumped the gun and it threw me for a moment.

“You still want to knock me up?” I retorted with my own question.

“Always.”

“Then I’m always terrified.” My voice suddenly threatened to break.

“Don’t be. It’s gonna be okay.” He tried to soothe me.

“No. It’s not okay. You wanting it to be okay isn’t going to fix anything.” I fought to keep myself from sounding hysterical.

“It’s not as bad as you think it is.” His response made me laugh bitterly.

“I told you how bad it is, Vaas. And I didn’t bring up _all_ the bad stuff either. I left a lot of stuff out. Why do you want this so bad? Why?” I walked to the bedroom and fell on the bed, trying not to cry so he could hear.

I could think of several reasons, general and personal, for his kink. I could understand the appeal on a very basic degree. I wasn’t asking for an explanation or story to justify why he wanted to breed with me. I wanted to know why he didn’t care about how I felt about it. He claimed to love me. Clearly not enough to refrain from pushing me into something I had said I didn’t want.

“You don’t want my kid.” He switched things around on me. “I could ask you why too.”

“It’s not that I don’t want it eventually.” I began to explain. “I just don’t want it to happen here. I already told you why.”

“Where the fuck do you think you’re going to be that’ll make it okay? Huh?? You think you’ll leave? That this is just a fucking vacation and you’ll go back to your life? Leave me. Then having a kid will be okay??” He was vociferous, angry. I could hear the hurt behind it.

He had a point. Anywhere that I would feel comfortable about it, wasn’t here. It wasn’t on this island with him. Still, I had a point too. I didn’t want to risk my life just so he got a more intense orgasm. And even if I ignored the potential health risks and assumed I had his baby without trouble, what then? Would Vaas help? Would he be able to protect us? No. This was a terrible situation to be avoided. Just like I’d said before.

“Stop. Let’s just calm down for a second.” I took a deep breath, and I could hear him breathing heavily, angrily. 

“I’m not leaving you. Ever. This may have started out as a vacation, but it’s permanent.” I swallowed hard. “I won’t abandon you. I love you.”

He was quiet.

“But I’m scared about it Vaas. I have a right to be. What you want is going to be hard on me, only me. You only get the fun parts.”

“It’ll be fucking hard, here or Hollywood, Sirenita. What’s so bad about it being here, with me?”

We’d already been through this. There was no medical care here. That was a big fucking problem and I was prepared to tell him so, _again_. Then I realized that people had been living here for a long time. His people, though they’d forsaken each other. The Rakyat had to repopulate their numbers somehow. They’d managed to multiply with enough of a success rate that they survived even when Vaas and Hoyt were trying to wipe them off the face of the island. This was Vaas’s home, he didn’t know hospitals, and advanced care like I did. He had expected to make do without it. He’d set my fingers himself, bandaged them himself. This was his way of life, risks were just part of that. 

With that mindset it was no wonder why he couldn’t see my reluctance meaning anything other than my rejection of him and trying to escape him. I thought giving birth and caring for a child in such primitive circumstances was a crazy and dangerous idea. It hadn’t been crazy for his ancestors, it wasn’t crazy for him. So my complaints probably sounded like thin excuses to keep him at arm’s length. Just reasons to not give him my all. Like Citra.

I would never escape her would I?

“Why can’t you respect that I don’t want that right now?” I tried his switcheroo trick on for size.

“But you do. I heard you last night. I’m not fucking deaf.” He had that sinful sound in his voice again.

“No. That doesn’t count. You were speaking Spanish.” I blamed my apparent kink for Spanish.

“Then next time I won’t. You’ll only get it in English. Then we’ll fucking see.” It was a sexy sounding threat. He was trying to drag me into salacity to win the argument.

“I’m serious.” 

“Who’s playing?” He whispered huskily.

“You aren’t going to win the argument by proving I’m attracted to you. Of course I want you. Of course I like to have sex with you. Even if I did -and I’m not saying I do- even if I did want your baby-”

He groaned and it almost derailed me.

“Even if I did want _that_ with you, I can also recognize it as a bad idea and I don’t have to do it.” I spoke quickly, like I was running through a minefield.

“Just pretend, Sirenita.” He purred. “I can’t put my baby in you over the fucking phone. Pretend with me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's song is "I Disagree" by Poppy. 
> 
> Yes, the surprise is chocolate cake. Just because. ;P  
> Sorry for the cliffhanger and lack of Vaas POV. Don't hate me. 😰


	28. Every Other Freckle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vaas has some thoughts... And feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "We must remember; all men were once boys." - Outlaw Star

_The first time Vaas fell in love was with a beautiful woman in the village he and Citra lived not too far from. Her name was Indah and she had long black hair and crystal blue eyes, her skin was the color of caramel and she walked with a grace he hadn’t seen anywhere else. He’d only been thirteen years old at the time, and he’d never told Citra about his feelings. He might not have known how manipulative Citra was at the time, but he knew enough to realize that she wouldn’t like it._

_Despite the beauty that Indah was blessed with, Vaas loved her because of her kindness to him. When she saw him she always had a smile. She’d invite him into her house for food. She’d give him clothes and other things she saw he needed. She did it all without offering the pity that the other villagers had. He got the impression that she did it because she wanted to, because she really cared about him. She wasn’t helping because he was an orphan and giving to orphans was something you did to look good._

_She would often see him in a tree near her house while she did chores and when she would finish she would climb up the tree and they would talk about things. Vaas didn’t often talk back to her, he didn’t always answer her questions, Citra had warned him not to, still she would always give him the opportunity to speak and that’s what he remembered._

_He dreamed of one day becoming a great warrior when he was a man, coming to her small hovel and claiming her as his own forever. He’d carve her name into the high branches of trees, where Citra couldn’t see them. Sometimes when he couldn’t sleep he’d sit in the trees outside her house and listen to her sing to her younger siblings until they fell asleep, until he drifted off like a leopard napping on a tree limb. When he was feeling extra bold, he’d bring her flowers he’d find in the jungle, the perfect ones, devoid of any mar or flaw, just like he thought she was. She never recoiled or refused the flowers, she was always happy for them. He liked it best when she’d wear them in her hair, so everyone could see them. It made his dream of having her for his own feel more possible, more real._

_He dreams came crashing down around him however. A warrior named Rimbo, from the far side of the island came into the village one day and saw her. That was all it took. Her parents agreed right away. He was willing to pay a lot for her and Indah’s family was very poor. Her father was a drunken former miner and her mother didn’t do much except take care of her husband, so they both jumped right in without asking how Indah felt at all. Vaas knew it was the way things normally went, but this time it bothered him. Indah wasn’t just some item to be bought, she was more._

_She didn’t handle it well. The day she got the news she climbed into his tree and cried without a word for an hour. For the first time in his life he felt helpless and he hated it. As the day when Rimbo would come to take her with him, Indah fell into deeper despair. Her fresh beautiful face was tired with dark circles from lack of sleep. She didn’t really smile anymore, every attempt to grin was tainted by a horrible sorrow in her eyes. The night before Rimbo was supposed to come, Vaas was outside her house in the tree. She wasn’t singing soft, soothing lullabies she was screaming and crying._

_“He’s a monster!” She cried to her mother. “I’ll die unhappy! He will kill me! And you don’t care!”_

_As she screamed Vaas noticed another observer standing in the brush a few yards away. He couldn’t see his face, but he could tell it was a warrior by his bearing and clothes._

_It was Rimbo, somehow Vaas just knew._

_All at once Indah ran out of the hovel and out into the jungle, heading toward the mountain. Her mother warned her to return or else, but Indah was already gone. Rimbo stalked after her silently and Vaas did his best to follow in equal silence._

_He was used to being silent, unseen but not at speed. He could see Rimbo in the moonlight gaining distance as they approached the tall cliff overlooking the village. A minute longer and he could see the dark figure of Indah standing on the ledge of the cliff, looking down._

_At first he didn’t think anything of it. But a slow and horrible fear came over him. It gripped his spine into a rigid bar as he realized that she was going to jump to her death. He felt several things all at once. He worried and tried to think of a way to stop her, save her. He was too far away, she probably wouldn’t hear him coherently if he risked shouting to her. He hated her parents for betraying someone so good as Indah was. He hated Rimbo for threatening to take her away and for driving her to this point. But most of all he hated the helplessness not only of being unable to stop her, but feeling afraid._

_She was about to jump, her foot was lifted, ready to step out onto air. Vaas couldn’t help but watch with wide terrified eyes. Then out of the darkness, Rimbo came and snatched her back away from the edge. Vaas was relieved, but disappointed that it was Rimbo, the cause of the problem in the first place, that saved her. He watched as he held her and she struggled against him. Words he couldn't understand were shouted into the darkness, by both of them._

_He contemplated saving her from Rimbo. What could he do?  
  
Eventually Rimbo carried her back to her parent’s house, she sobbed hysterically into his chest as he did it. Vaas hid in the brush and saw Rimbo’s stern, ugly face. He looked angry, outraged. Vaas worried for Indah, but again felt helpless to do anything about it. Rimbo was strong and skilled, Vaas was just a kid. _

_Rimbo kicked the door of the hovel open roughly and informed Indah’s mother that he would be taking her now rather than tomorrow. Vaas’s heart fell into the pit of his stomach._

_For a whole year he’d dreamed of saving her. Training to become the greatest warrior, finding where Rimbo had taken her, challenging him and bringing her back. He’d worked on his hunting, and fighting. Trained to be a warrior fervently. For a whole year he’d plotted and planned and worked himself raw. Then one day, she was back._

_He could recognize her even though her back was to him. He called out to her before he could even think to stop himself. When she turned to face him, he was greatly alarmed by what he saw._

_She looked healthy, her cheeks seemed rosy, her smile genuine, but she was very pregnant._

_He stopped dead in his tracks and just stared. He’d seen women pregnant before. He wasn’t ignorant to how pregnancy happens either. But he was angry at the idea that she was pregnant with Rimbo’s baby and she wasn’t upset about it. She even praised him to the other women who asked. It was as though being pregnant completely changed her._

_A couple of weeks later she gave birth. Rimbo had come at that point and it made Vaas sick to see how happy she was with him, how blissful she was to have his child._

_Shortly after the birth, she went back to the far side of the island with Rimbo and the baby and Vaas never saw them again._

_He felt like it should have been him. He was a child he didn’t know better. Indah should have been his, the baby should have been his too. He would have dreams occasionally where this was true. The days he woke up from those dreams were the days he felt like nothing could shake him._

_By the time Citra had been chosen by a warrior three years later, she’d made sure that Vaas had forgotten about loving anyone but her; manipulative snake that she was. He’d forsaken the love he felt for Indah, but nothing else. He still remembered the smile being just for him, the kindness, the care. Everything. Including how Indah seemed to love Rimbo because he’d knocked her up._

_After Citra and Vaas fell out, he’d discovered the lies his people believed about soulmates. He found the truth, but he still believed that he would never have one. Pain, rage, hatred, bitterness and revenge had become his life; he was too far gone for something pure like that. So he’d gone for years, convincing himself that it was better this way, he was better off alone. He could get whatever he wanted whenever he wanted anyway. Pussy? Pick a girl. Drugs? There were plenty of every kind. Money? He had more money than he could spend. Power? He ruled the island, and everyone on it feared him, with the noted exception of Hoyt, who only interfered when the products stopped flowing._ _That all changed rather suddenly._

_Suddenly a beautiful woman with rich brown hair, soulful hazel eyes, ivory skin kissed with freckles wearing combat boots and a bathing suit came at him like a warrior might and struck him in the face. Then she was his and he was hers, their souls irrevocably tied forever._

_It had been exciting when he realized that he now had someone to enjoy the things he’d dreamed of with. All the fucking things he thought he'd never have were suddenly his. Someone who would smile just for him, love him. Real fucking love, uncut, pure. Not the bullshit Citra's had been. Not love at a price, or as a reward._

_Only things hadn’t gone the way he expected. His Sirenita didn’t seem to actually like him very much. The discrepancy between them had thrown his delighted future planning out the window. She fought him, tried to get away, cussed him out, defied him, refused to touch him… He still didn’t know how she could manage to withdraw from him so hard for so long._

_He’d thought she maybe didn’t feel anything he did. That he was the only one destroyed when he couldn’t touch her. But in the bath house she’d started to unfurl into his arms, lose herself to the pleasure of his touch and he realized that she must have the self-control of a god. But why would she hold back on him, her soulmate?_

**_I won’t cheapen myself for a moment’s pleasure with someone who chooses to be a monster._ **

_A monster._

_She thought he was a monster._

_His own soulmate thought he was an inhuman creature, unworthy of affection._

_That’s when the idea of impregnating his Sirenita first came to him. Not directly, not yet. He simply remembered another woman he cared for calling another man the same thing. Rimbo was a monster to Indah, but she’d changed her mind once he’d knocked her up. The pregnancy fixed their problem._

_He couldn’t stand comparing himself to Rimbo, someone he’d hated for his whole life. He refused to believe it was true. More still, true or not, he wouldn’t take Rimbo’s solutions for his own.  
  
 **Never.** He promised himself.  
_

_Right after she'd said those hurtful words he'd left, feeling rage overtake him and not wanting to harm her. He'd emptied his clip into the trees while shouting his frustrations using the language he swore to himself he'd never use again. His men stared in confusion as the language of the Rakyat roared from his mouth cursing his own existence._

_The rest of that day he was in a black mood._

_Later when he'd calmed down, regained some confidence to try to make things better, make things work wit her, he went back to the shack and found it empty. She wasn't in his bed, she wasn't at the bath house... He had searched frantically, until he found Fiona’s cage empty with one of his men stripped and unconscious inside._

_She was abandoning him. His own soulmate was running from him because she couldn't see anything but a monster._

_He’d been lost at what to do at first, but it didn’t take long for him to make up his mind that he’d go after her. He couldn’t... He wouldn’t let her go. He’d bring her back and keep her with him until she realized her place was at his side._

_As he formed a plan to trap her, the thought of making her bear his child came back to him. He had more important things to address, so he pushed the idea aside._

_After he’d lured her and her whore of a friend into his trap at the beach, she’d kissed him and he got a taste of what he longed for. She was willing, eager. He could feel that she wanted him, needed him. But it had just been a ploy to get his gun._

_He felt destroyed, as she pointed the gun back at him. Black oozing hate filled him, drowning out his pain for a moment. She might not look anything like Citra but she seemed to act just like her. Any affection came at a cost and it was always steep as fuck to pay._

_Yet, even with the evidence slapping him in the face he couldn’t believe it completely. She was his soulmate. His. His childhood had been filled with bullshit and lies from Citra and the Rakyat about what a soulmate was, but after he burned those bridges he learned the truth. The simple irrefutable truth was that she was tied to him. Somewhere she knew that. She knew she couldn’t escape him, by killing him or by running. She wouldn’t shoot, and he told her as much._

_Then when he watched her put his pistol against her head._

_The helpless terror he’d felt watching Indah stand on the cliff edge with her foot out, ready to leap to her doom came back with fury. He’d coped with the discomfort of his fear by becoming hateful, angry, psychotic. Being more fearsome than the source of his fear. He quickly realized that wouldn’t help him stop her from taking her own life. He was forced to accept the fear for what it was instead of bully it away._

_He couldn’t stand the idea of losing her. If he ever did he would… He didn’t know what he’d do, but it’d probably be bloody and violent. Mercifully, she tossed the gun and tried to run into the sea. He stopped her; made her faint with his own blood. He wouldn’t let her leave him. Ever._

_When he brought her back to camp, to his bed, he’d thought about it again. This time it was incessant. He looked over her body tied up, it would be easy. But making her pregnant couldn’t be the solution he thought it was as a child. He could figure that out logically. Nevertheless, the idea teased and toyed in his head, and he was desperate enough to avoid seeing her about to kill herself again to try anything._

_He accepted the truth. He needed her like he needed to breathe, she thought he was a monster and didn’t want him in return, she was seemingly willing to kill herself to escape, and everything he did only pushed their situation into a more dire area._

_Trying to knock her up before she would do something drastic seemed like the only option at first. The only one he thought might work. She suddenly writhed in her bonds and he couldn't do it. He'd raped before, he wouldn't do that to her. Not to his Sirenita, no matter how he wanted to._

_He’d try to talk to her, try to reason with her. He could give her that much._

_She didn’t want to talk and he regretted having to use her fear of him to get her to be more verbose. Once the conversation got rolling, it had been enlightening. The developments that happened afterward weren’t too bad either. She’d offered herself to him, even comforted him when he found himself frozen with self-hatred and lost in terrible memories. It was like a miracle._

_It’d been staggering how wonderful their first time had been. And when he finished inside her he’d done it without thinking about it. Then after he’d recognized what he’d done, he felt a sly sort of satisfaction and savage need to try it again._

_Through the various ups and downs of the next few days, when he was alone, he’d feel intense pleasure at the idea that she might be pregnant. He’d tried to ignore it, but it was surprisingly, powerfully_ _primal, ingrained in his bones_ _. Even when he was using, dulling the link between them purposefully, he would look at her and imagine what she’d look like thick with his baby in her. It made him feel mad with a desire to see it to fruition._

_There were times he wanted to tell her. When the time would come, he wouldn’t know what to say. He was worried she’d shut him down, push him away again. Call him disgusting and never let him touch her again. So he’d kept it inside, it was terribly hard to manage._

_Then when she’d hurled her guts out on the boat, he could barely contain himself. He’d asked if she was pregnant. Adorably, she’d gotten fluster but eventually managed to tell him she wasn’t. It should have been bad news, but it only seemed to increase the craving to try again. But, it was plain she’d noticed his enthusiasm. Her eyes were judgemental, calling him a monster again._

_He’d tried to ignore it, she was just mad at him. Then she outright said that she was terrified of the idea. He was a monster for wanting and expecting it. She didn’t want to be pregnant._

_It might have been selfish, but he thought it was possible that she’d like the idea of it, if she just gave it a chance. Afterall he’d never thought about it, let alone liked the idea of it before now. It could be the same for her._

_She fought it. Fighting the feelings of desire they both couldn’t escape, deliberately trying to prevent it. All the while her resistance made his fetish more appealing, tempting. He was torn between his desire and her wishes._

_He chose her.._

_The last time they were physically intimate he’d tried to make up for his selfishness. He’d happily ate her out at her request, and he wouldn’t mind doing it again... And again. Still, he was languishing to be within her, spilling inside, trying again._

_Yet, he fought it. But seeing her laying there underneath him... Dark locks disheveled, eyes half closed, her rosy lips parted, chest heaving with every panting breath... It drove him crazy. He needed to feel her around him, her soothing, coolness on his fiery flesh. He needed to know the feeling of losing himself inside her again._ _His lust had a will of it’s own and it wouldn’t be ignored or denied._ _So he begged her to let him because he knew she was afraid and didn’t want to force himself on her, but he begged in Spanish because he feared she’d refuse him and the need was so great._

_It was a dirty trick, he knew it was. He told himself that he would stop if she told him no. Luckily she never did. She didn’t even talk about it afterwards, like he was sure she would if she was so adamant against it. He’d hoped she’d changed her mind._

_Later his kink gained renewed vehemence over the phone. Even when she’d teased and hung up on him, he thought it as good as confirmed that she had changed her mind. That she’d discovered she’d liked the idea like he had. He couldn’t wait until he could feel her body in person once again. He would kiss every freckle, He was dazzled by the idea that she would let him take her with the intention of making a baby._

_It seemed good. Everything seemed to be falling into place._

_Until now._

_"No I'm not going to pretend. I don't want it to be real, why would I pretend it was?"_

He was silent, rubbing his head with irritation. He had so much he wanted to say and none of the words to say it. How could he tell her this desire to breed with her wasn't something he always had, or even wanted. The other women he'd been with; he'd never wanted this with them. This came into being because of her, grew to impossible levels because of her. That because of that simple fact it was a wonderful thing. It was just for her. Surely something so intimately meant for her couldn't be truly terrible.

_"It’s not going to stop at pretending. Is it?” Her voice was steely and cold. “You've been trying this whole time. Haven’t you??”_

_She accused him like it just dawned on her._ _His enthusiasm, however innocently indulged, was inexcusable because he’d been so on top of everything else. She believed him too cunning to do anything without fully intending it. So h_ _e had no defense. She wouldn’t believe that the first time had truly been an accident and the last time wasn’t done to hurt her or make her afraid. He couldn’t excuse himself, all he could do was try to explain how he felt._

_“Sirenita, it’s not evil. It’s beautiful.” He tried to explain. “I wasn’t trying to hurt you. I was trying to share-”_

_“No. Just-” She interrupted sounding like she was crying. “J-Just stop it. I d-don’t want to hear anymore.”_

_Her voice trembled. She was frightened, he'd heard it enough times to know. He’d fucked up again._

_She’d push him away now, like she had before. It’d be hands off like it’d been so many times before. He wasn’t there, and he couldn’t come back yet. He didn’t know how he’d handle it, not talking to her on the phone, knowing that when he came back she’d readopt her “hand’s off” policy. He’d better do something fucking quick. Conjure a fucking miracle out of thin air or else go back to square one with no hope of progressing ever again._

_“C-Can’t. I-I can’t do it Vaas.” She was sobbing._

_He realized something. She wasn’t afraid that she might become pregnant so much as she was probably afraid she already was._

_“Shhh. I’m sorry Sirenita. So fucking sorry.” Vaas had to suppress his own excitement at the idea, shove it down really fucking hard and he loathed himself for the egotism. He shouldn't be happy about something if she was distraught. “Don’t be upset. I know you don’t believe it, but it’s going to be alright.”_

_“No. It’s not.” She insisted. “You lied to me? Try to force me? You said you love me!”_

_“I do love you, Sirenita. So fucking m-”_

_“Don't fucking say that! You liar!” She shouted. “You c-couldn’t do that to me and love m-me!”_

_She was lost to her rage and sorrow now. Her voice was hoarse and he could imagine her big, beautiful eyes full of tears and betrayal._

_How could he explain in a way that didn’t make him sound like an absolutely selfish motherfucker? He couldn’t, and she was going to want to leave him again. If she was pregnant what would she do? Would she try to kill herself?_

_He barely had time to panic about the idea when he heard the receiver go dead. She’d hung up, again._

_“FUCK!!” He shouted, almost throwing his phone in his frustration. He took a deep breath and dialed her again. It rang and rang, then just stopped._

_He tried again and again, the panic heightening each time he dialed. He could picture her vividly running from him, standing on the cliff like Indah and jumping, taking a gun to her head, a knife to her wrists..._

_He called Carlos, desperate for someone to make sure that his fear was unfounded._

_He wasn't an anxious prick. He didn't allow fear to make a home in him, not since he'd been a boy, helplessly watching that night. He bullied the fear by becoming the monster. Only that wouldn't spare him here. It would only damn him._

_So he called Carlos. He would tell Vaas that she was upset but fine. Safe at his place, even if she cursed him for it. Only Carlos didn’t answer..._

_He somehow found himself in the driver’s seat of a Scavenger about to speed back to his fortress. The hell with everything he still had to do. Fuck the pretense that his soul was unattached. It all meant nothing without her anyway._

_“Where the fuck are you going at this ungodly hour?” He heard Hoyt's voice behind him._

**_Shit._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An entire chapter of Vaas's POV?? Whaaaa?! ;) 
> 
> This chapter's song is "Every Other Freckle" by alt-J. It's probably the weirdest, most erotic-ish, love-ish song I've heard and liked. The lyrics are bizarre (almost grotesque) and I feel they are open to interpretation. As it applies to this chapter, I think the song showcases the desires that Vaas has that he knows are not welcomed by Eva. Despite her revulsion, they still exist and demand attention. At the same time as being unwanted, they express only love and desire for her. Just like this song.


	29. Trigger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Should I stay or should I go now? If I go there will be trouble. If I stay it will be double. So you gotta let me know; should I stay or should I go?  
> \- The Clash

I watched as the splintered, shattered fragments of the phone hit the floor. I’d tossed it as hard as I could at the wall, screaming.

He’d taken advantage of me for his own sick pleasure. He didn’t care about me or how I felt. It was all a sham. I couldn’t stay here anymore. I couldn’t stand the thought that I would be locked up in this place, there at his beck and call, while he used my body for his twisted fantasies and fetishes. No. This would not be my life. It would not. I wouldn’t justify him anymore.

I slid the closet door open and found sneakers and shoved my feet into them. My heart was pounding in my ears and my hands shook as I tied the laces. There was a black hoodie on a hanger and I pulled it until it came free. I didn’t care about the broken hanger I left in my wake. I had to leave. I don’t care what I promised him. He deceived me, hurt me. This, whatever the fuck it was, was over. Vaas called it a vacation, wish fucking granted.

I ran to the door and cracked it open looking out at the warehouse. The card game was still going on. Loud and excited; as good of a distraction as I could hope for.

I pulled the hood of the jacket over my head and wiped my tears before descending down the stairs slowly. My feet hit the concrete of the warehouse floor and no one had noticed me. I moved slowly toward the open door as far from the card game and the light as I could.

I meandered around old, empty oil drums filled with scrap metal, covered in the ruddy dust of the rust that consumed them slowly. I was almost to the door. Once I was outside there would be more places to hide. If I could get there I would be golden.

The shrill sound of a phone ringing pierced the air and my ears. Startled, I tripped into a drum and it toppled over, spilling the rusty metal bits everywhere. I recovered my footing and noticed how quiet it had suddenly gotten. I looked up.

The pirates staring at me, unsure what was happening, and probably too drunk or high to put it together correctly.

All except one.

Carlos, ringing phone in hand, looked at me with concern. I didn’t need to see the screen to know that Vaas was calling.  
  
“Eva?” He took a step toward me.

I searched for a way to make this not look like what it was. The longer I stood there stammering for some sort of explanation that would exonerate me the more damning it was. Eventually I broke into a run, almost tripping again on the metal I’d just knocked over. 

Carlos shot after me like a bolt, I could hear his quick steps behind me pounding the concrete.The table of pirates broke out into shouts of alarm as they got to their feet and came for me as well.

The fortress was suddenly alive. As I ran into the yard, I realized that I hadn’t properly estimated how many pirates there were. Either that or Vaas had added more since imprisoning me here. They were on rooftops, walking along the perimeter and on top of the wall, or wandering the yard. I looked behind me and saw pirates pouring out of the warehouse shouting to their ignorant comrades that I needed to be stopped. So much for the friendships I thought I’d made.

I ran toward the short, old buildings to the right, hoping to hide in them or around them. As I ran, their weapons trained on me and I heard the thunderous sound of gunfire. I dove behind a broken concrete column and covered my ears, screaming as I heard bullets strike the area around me.

“Don’t fucking shoot! Just bring her back!” I heard Carlos’s frantic voice over a PA system. He must have doubled back to give orders.

They wouldn’t be shooting at me now. It was my best chance to escape. I clambered to my feet, my legs threatened to buckle as I ran. I was shaking with adrenaline and panicking. Running almost blindly in the general direction I remembered the gate being in.

As I ducked around a corner I almost ran into a tall and rotund pirate. I screamed as his big, meaty arms tried to encircle me. I couldn’t make my legs respond fast enough so I let myself fall.

“You gotta get blood-” I heard Carlos say over the PA. “Sorry.“ 

He sounded like someone was correcting him off mic.

”You have to get her to look at blood. Anybody's, except hers.” He finished and I felt my, apparently precious, blood run cold. 

Vaas had just told his men my biggest weakness. Just told Carlos to let everyone know how to get me the easiest way. He must have been pretty angry with me to do something so stupid. 

Fuck him. They still needed to find the blood. Where the hell were they going to get it?

As I backed away from him, I looked up at the large pirate. He grinned at me, pulling out a knife and bringing it to his own hand.

This was fucked up. He was perfectly willing to cut himself just because? There had been no explanation behind Carlos’s call for blood. Just that I had to see it and magically everything would be fine and this big bastard was one hundred percent sold.

I heard him grunt as he dug the blade into his hand. I turned away and scampered off like a frightened hare, stumbling to my feet again.

What was I going to do? I had to avoid them all like before, but now I also couldn’t risk looking at any of them.

I could hear the heavy thumping footfalls of the big pirate behind me. He was slow. I ran into a dark building and found it full of drugs, neatly packaged and stacked.

“She went in there.” A deep and out of breath voice said. The big guy had ratted me out. 

I ran through the stacks of drugs toward the other end of the building. There was an open doorway and I could see the gate beyond it in the distance.

“There she is! Go around! Go around!” I heard Pak’s voice warn the men outside to cut me off before I could leave the building.

I wasted no time running and jumping through the doorway. I stumbled as my feet hit the dirt.

As I regained my footing something heavy and hard collided with my back and I hit the ground again, harder. As my brain tried to understand what had happened, hands grasped at my own and the thick stink of rust filled my nose, making me lightheaded. I clamped my eyes shut tightly, this pirate had blood on him.

“I’ve got her!” He cried. “I’ve got the bitch!”

I kicked against him, unsure where it would actually hurt. I flailed hard and wild.

“Fuck you!” I screamed in my exasperation.

Just as I was starting to feel weariness in my effort the pirate groaned and his grip loosened as my foot connected with a particularly softer part of his body. I kicked the same place again and he released me. I scrambled to my feet and opened my eyes. The gate was only a few yards away.

I closed the gap quickly as I heard more men coming en masse. I pulled on the gate only for it to resolutely hold in place. I pushed on it with the same result.

 _SHIT! SHIT! SHIT!_

I panted and sobbed. This couldn’t be the end. I had to get out of here tonight. Tomorrow Vaas could come back and make sure I could never attempt to leave again. Somehow I just knew he would.

My eye caught sight of a chain link fence with a huge gap in it to the right. I pulled myself up the concrete ledges toward it. I was so tired, my legs ached and my arms were weak. I fell through the hole in the fence, rather than climb through it.

I was on a part of the perimeter wall, there was no razor wire or fence stopping me from jumping down and out of the fortress. I stood on the edge and looked down. It wasn’t so tall. Maybe a seven foot drop. I could make it. I could.

Suddenly vicious dogs appeared. I hadn’t noticed their barking for the sound of my heavy breath and my heart pounding. They clawed and jumped at the wall below me and I backed away.

A door slid open behind me and I whipped around to see Odane and a few other pirates in the doorway.

“You don’t have anywhere to go.” He said quietly.

I wanted to refute his assessment both in this moment and beyond. I couldn't. Even if I were to successfully escape the fortress or even this island I couldn’t escape the bond. I shook my head at him and cried.

“Hey. You got scared? Vaas’ll forgive you. Just come back to the warehouse with me.” His deep, hard voice attempted to be soothing. The other pirates were surprised at his diplomacy. I could see their confusion, even in the dark.

“No. I won’t. I can’t.” I told him before trying to dart back to the hole in the fence. He caught hold of my arm.

“Sorry about this then.” He said pulling me through the doorway. I dug in my heels and refused to move.

Odane suddenly picked me up and threw me over his shoulder. I threw my weight to one side almost throwing him off balance.

“You gonna be trouble huh? Dan, show her your fucking hand.” He said letting me fall off his shoulder.

One of the pirates stepped forward with his hand opened. There was dark liquid dripping off it and I closed my eyes and tried to fight Odane and stand again.

“Fuck. Stop fucking struggling!” Odane growled, his surprising patience was gone.

He pushed me down and pinned me, trying to force my eyes open with his fingers.

I couldn’t look away as Dan brought his hand close. I felt the control I had over my body fade away into the black as I saw the red gleam of blood.

* * *

“Wake up, Eva. Please wake up!” I heard Eka sobbing. She was shaking me gently. “Please be okay.”

I snapped to life. Sitting up so quickly that she screamed in surprise. I was in the bedroom of Vaas’s flat. Eka was sitting beside me on the bed.

“Is she awake?” I heard Carlos ask from the living room. He appeared in the doorway and glanced at me to confirm.

“She’s awake.” He said to the phone against his ear.

_Vaas._

I started climbing out of the bed, even though Eka was begging me to stay put.

“Don’t make him angry. Don’t make him kill-” She whispered.

I ignored her and stood, feeling my head swim with my first few steps. I stumbled into the doorway. Carlos looked at me with alarm. I ran past him, my head starting to clear.

“Fuck. Hold on.” He said to Vaas before coming for me.

I already had a hand on the door, yanking it open. I pulled it closed behind me before Carlos could exit. I took a few steps down the stairs before I realized that the warehouse was full of Vaas’s men. They all looked at me with annoyance. Some with bandaged arms and hands. Their night was ruined because of me.

Carlos pulled the door open and snatched my arm, tugging me back inside roughly.

“Sit down. Now.” He commanded.

I gave him a defiant look but I sat on the couch. I didn’t have a way of escape. Yet. I would play along until then.

“Vaas wants to talk to you.” He said, handing his phone to me.

I refused to take it. I folded my arms and glared at the device like it was Vaas in person.

“Take the fucking phone.” Carlos said gruffly, but his eyes were pleading.

I rolled my eyes and took the phone.

“Hello you lying son of a bitch.” I spat.

“Sirenita…” His voice was soft and pleading.

“Shut the hell up.” I warned him.

“Just fucking listen-”

“You want me trapped? Congratu-fucking-lations.” I cut him off. “Yes sir. You got me, forever. Just like you schemed from the beginning. But I swear to whatever God exists in this fucked up universe that I’ll make you regret it every fucking day for the rest of your miserable fucking existence.”

I was irrational and angry. I didn’t exactly mean what I was saying, but the emotions were high. Regardless of what Vaas thought about love, when I said it I meant it. I cared about him and I was destroyed that he didn’t care or respect me in return. I was also terrified.

I had just thought that he wasn’t careful during our intimacy because he’d been as lost in the moment as I was. I hadn’t thought about it either, I was willing to excuse him. But no, he was doing it on purpose, working me up into a frenzy with his sensuality and Spanish and then deliberately trying to make me pregnant.

How could he? Especially after I told him I was scared and I didn’t want it. It was inexcusable. It made me wish I could hurt him, just enough so he understood how much he’d hurt me. Especially when I was allowed no other recourse. 

“Please.” I’d never heard him sound so overwhelmed and pathetic before. “Don’t.”

It gave me pause. Was this some sort of trick? He was supposed to yell and threaten. He’d done it over less before.

“You are hurt. I get that.” His voice was ragged, weary, broken down. “I was a fucker. I know.”

I swallowed, unsure what to say.

“Fuck.” He sounded frustrated with his own emotional burden. “I'm sorry! I can’t fucking lose you. Don’t leave, please.”

I didn’t know what to say so I didn’t say anything.

“What do I have to do? I’ll give you anything if you promise you won’t leave.” He was urgent, serious.

I felt sorry for him if his first instinct was to bribe me into compliance. I wasn’t a whore and it felt insulting to hear him trying to barter for affection and loyalty like it was a mere commodity. But I gritted my teeth and forced myself to consider it from his perspective. This economic love was probably all he really knew. You get some after you give some. Tit for tat. 

I sighed deeply and massaged my forehead. I was tired of trying to puzzle out everything he did. Attempting to justify his behavior with some sort of reasoning, not really knowing the truth. Still, he left me very little choice. I was surrounded by an army that he controlled.

“Stop lying to me.” I said flatly.

“I’m not lying.”

“Have you been trying to get me pregnant on purpose this whole time?” I spoke frankly, uncaring that Carlos and Eka were both watching and listening to me.

“Sirenita…” He sounded unsure.

“Cut the bullshit. If you want me to stay, you’ll give me your honesty. The second you lie, I’ll do everything in my power to leave you. That’s my price for staying. Take it or leave it.”

“No.” He was quiet. “Not the whole time.”

I didn’t know if I believed him, but a deal was a deal. I would assume it was honest until I could prove it wasn’t.

“Are you going to keep trying?”

There was a long silence after my question. Like he was thinking very hard through a difficult problem.

“I won’t.” It sounded like the words were difficult to say.

It wasn’t exactly convincing.

“But I want to. I want to so fucking bad.” He admitted with some relief.

“Even though I told you I don’t want it, that I’m afraid, for good fucking reason... You still want to?” My voice wavered a bit.

“Yes.” He was callous and cocky. It sounded almost like he was pleased I was upset. “I think about it all the fucking time. I dream what’ll be like when it’s true. I need it. You wanted the truth. There it fucking is.”

This was a lot. I was going to ignore the attitude. I knew enough about him now to know he liked theatrics, especially when he was protecting his own vulnerability. This was another test.

I wasn’t going to take it this time.

“I don’t have to agree with you. I don’t have to feel what you feel in order to care about you.” I started firmly. “You should have told me. You should have talked to me about it. Instead of tying me down and dragging me along like my feelings don’t matter. Do you even care about how I feel at all?”

“Of course I fucking do.” He said like he was cut to the quick.

“Do you really? Or do you only care when my feelings are lined up with your own?” My eyes were watering. I was so sick of crying but the tears were coming anyway.

“I love you. I fucking mean it.” He said angrily, like it was an insult to assume otherwise.

“Then how are we going to fix this?” I asked, baffled at how to make it work myself. “You say that you won’t try to knock me up anymore, then you say you need it. If you need it, you’re going to try it again. Where is the solution?”

“We compromise.” He suggested.

I laughed like what we were talking about wasn’t heavy and ridiculous.

“I’m fucking serious.” He said firmly.

“I don’t doubt that. How can you only impregnate me halfway?” I laughed again.

“I don’t know.” He murmured. “That’s why I said I won’t fucking do it again.”

That was as sweet a gesture as I could reasonably expect, but it wasn’t a real solution. Vaas felt the needs of the bond worse than I did. He had little to no impulse control, or at least it seemed like it. If we ever had sex ever again, he would be tempted to try again, I didn’t trust his self-control enough to prevent it. Hell, I didn’t even trust my own self-control in that situation, and I was much better at holding off than he was. The only way to get by would be to never have sex, or for me to just let him have his way. I didn't want either option.

“Condoms.” I said. The doctor had suggested it, maybe it meant that they were available.

“That’s not going to work.” He hesitated.

“Why? Are there none?” Availability on this island varied from item to item. Getting the ingredients for the cake had made me aware of the strangeness of it. Some things you could find easily, things that you wouldn’t expect. Luxuries like chocolate and a bottle of pure vanilla were surprisingly easy to get. Yet, the American staple of wheat flour? Apparently, very hard to obtain. It was the last of the ingredients to arrive. 

It was a perplexing thing to consider. A sex slave? A helicopter? Fully automatic weapons? Chocolate? Child’s play; you could get it as soon as tomorrow. Flour? Cow’s milk? Birth control medication? It could be months if it’s even possible at all. What a fucked up place.

However topsy-turvy it seemed, the availability seemed to be correlated to demand to a degree, just like a normal economy would. If there was a big demand you could get it pretty quickly and easily. I could see the demand for condoms being pretty high, but on the other hand, maybe people didn’t really care. Even in the states, poverty and contraception seemed a bit like oil and water. On top of that, I’d imagine rape happened more often than not here. Hearing the pirates talk during their game, the value of women seemed to be only what men would pay for them, and no further consideration for their well-being was made. It could go either way.

“It’s not that. Using one… I don’t know…” It was a relief to hear that there was something available. All hope wasn’t lost. But Vaas sounded unsure and unwilling.

“It’d ruin the fantasy.” I realized. 

“Yes.” He sounded grateful that I understood without explanation.

“Just get some. I promise that it won’t ruin it.” I had an idea.

“What are you thinking, Sirenita?” He questioned and I could picture him looking at me with scrutiny.

“You’ll just have to see next time.” I teased.

I was supposed to be enraged with him. What happened? The alleviation of my anger was surprising and should be irritating. I went from desperately wanting to escape him, to talking about the next time we’d fuck in the course of an hour. I seemed incapable of staying angry at him or holding a grudge for long. I didn’t know if that willingness and ease to forgive was good or bad. Was I betraying myself by doing it?

“I’m still mad though.” I said sternly, trying to make him realize that he should take my feelings seriously.

“I know, hermosa.” He said solemnly. “I’ll make up for it. I swear to God.”

“You’d better.”

“Are you going to run anymore?” He asked.

“That depends on you. You lie to me and hurt me again, you know what I’ll do.” I warned.

“I won’t.” He promised.

“We’ll see.” I said, feeling like we were still far from working out all the kinks in our relationship. Literal or otherwise.

“When are you coming back?” I asked after an awkward silence.

“I’ll tell you when I’m coming home. I don’t know right now.” He sounded troubled.

“Okay. Don’t forget I have a surprise for you.” I tried to pull him out of his vexation.

“How could I forget? Me muero por verte.”

“Don’t start with the Spanish. I think we’ve had enough drama for tonight.” I glanced up at Carlos who’s face seemed darker than usual, especially around his cheeks.

“Are you trying to hang up on me? Again?” He asked somewhat playfully.

“Yeah, a little. This kind of emotional upheaval is tiring. Especially when it keeps happening.” I explained.

“Maybe I can help you have good dreams tonight.” There was no denying what he was suggesting.

“On Carlos’s phone? Have you no shame?” I chaffed.

“I fuck where I want.” His tone was bold and provoking. He'd recovered quickly.

“But I’m shy and I have an audience.” I ignored the goosebumps on my skin.

"You aren't convincing me." He said with that predation I knew him for.  
  
"Seriously, I'm not there yet. You fucked up pretty bad." I was firm. “So I’ll say goodnight and give Carlos his phone back.”

“Fine.” He sighed disappointed. “Goodnight, Sirenita. I love you.”

“Goodnight.” I took a breath like I was about to say the words to return the affection, but I didnt. I hadn’t really made it apparent that I was giving him pretty hefty clemency. I hoped that he wouldn’t take those words for granted, so I didn't say them.

Carlos took the phone back with some doubt and began to talk to Vaas in Spanish. I wandered into the bedroom and flopped on the bed utterly exhausted.

“Is he angry?” Eka asked from the doorway in a whisper.

“I don’t think so?” I muttered into the sheets. "Probably."

“Is he angry with Carlos? Is he going to hurt him?” She sounded like she was holding in hysterics.

I hadn’t taken into account that he might punish Carlos because I attempted to run. I felt guilty. I pushed off the bed and walked back into the living room. Carlos looked troubled as he spoke into the phone.

“It’s not Carlos’s fault, it’s all mine! If you are mean to him I'll never forgive you!” I shouted at the phone. I was about to turn when I remembered; “And I’m going to need a new phone at some point.”

Carlos gave me an odd look. I shrugged, too tired to think of something more convincing or better.

"Don't forget to floss." Carlos's voice was uncertain as he repeated what Vaas told him.

I couldn't help but smile like a goof.

Carlos went back to speaking to Vaas in Spanish. I went back to the bedroom and curled up on the bed and fell asleep. I'd floss tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's song is "Trigger" by Anne-Marie. Fitting in both the theme and the imagery.
> 
> I'm excited for the next chapter. I've already started writing it... ;D


	30. Siempre Me Quedará

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eva wakes up to some very strange and potentially dangerous circumstances.

“Wake up.” Eka whispered, shaking my shoulder. I opened my eyes. The room was lit with the dull grey of early morning light.

“Eva, I have to help you dress.” She gently pulled my arm until I was getting out of bed.

What was going on? I was exhausted and my brain wasn’t following what she was doing or why.

“Is everything alright?” My voice was hoarse with sleep.

“Everything is fine.” She sounded like she was going to cry. “You’re okay.”

She pulled me into the closet.

“What do you want to wear? How about this?” She sniffed pulling the black Gucci bandeau bikini off the rack.

“Why would I wear that?”

“Vaas would think you look so beautiful.” She dodged my question.

I was waking up quicker now. Something was very wrong. I had learned to be cautious, at last. It was better to play along until I understood what was happening a little more.

She began helping me dress in the bikini and once she was finished she smiled with tears in her eyes.

“See you look so good.”

“Not that I don’t doubt you, but can I wear something over it? This is a bit more exposed than I prefer.”

She thought about it for a moment then nodded. Some jeans and a black shirt were pulled over the swimsuit and a pair of sandals on my feet. Then Eka led me to the bathroom where she brushed the debris and tangles out of my hair.

“See? So pretty.” Again she looked like she was about to burst into tears.

“What’s going on, Eka?” I asked looking around the bathroom and bedroom and seeing no one. “We’re alone, tell me.”

She shook her head and refused to look me in the face. I tried to hold the panic and fear inside.

“Is she ready to go?” Carlos came into the bathroom and looked me over.

Eka nodded, not looking at him either.

“Good it’s time to go.” Carlos grabbed me roughly by my upper arm. He pulled my hands behind my back and started wrapping a rope around my wrist.

I immediately pulled my hands free and looked at him in shock.

“You can do this awake or I can knock you out.” He said matter-of-factly. “I have some blood.”

I furrowed my brow in alarm. What was going on here? What the fuck was this?

“We don’t have a lot of time Eva. Make a choice.” Carlos sounded impatient but not malicious.

“I’ll stay awake.” I whispered incredulously.

"Then give me your hands."

I looked at Eka again for some sort of explanation, but she just started sobbing.

I held my hands out to Carlos and he deftly tied them up. Then put a dark sack over my head. It was then that I couldn’t hold my panic in anymore.

“What the fuck is going on?!” I cried.

“Vaas ordered you go on a trip.” Carlos said before pulling me through the flat.

“A trip? What trip? Why are you tying me up and blinding me??”

“It’s a special trip.” He said opening the flat door.

Vaas wanted me to take a trip? Why would I have to be bound and blind to take a trip? My mind filled with possible answers to my situation. At the top of the list was Vaas waking up very early this morning and realizing that he’d been crazy to keep me alive this whole time. 

“Stop! No!” Eka suddenly clung around my legs, almost making me fall. “Don’t take her! Don’t!”

“Eka, it’s okay.” Carlos said with a soft sweetness in his voice. “She’s going to be fine.”

“No! She’s not. Vaas will hurt her! He's crazy!” She tightened her grip on my legs as Carlos tried to pull me away.

“We don’t have time for this. Vaas isn’t going to hurt her.” Carlos said like he wasn’t sure. So convincing...

“I won’t let you take her away!” She started crying, making a wet spot on my jeans.

“Eka! That’s enough.” He shouted.

She just shook her head without letting go.

“Bring her along.” I said.

“What?” Carlos asked like it was ridiculous.

“If I'm not in any danger, and you don’t have time to mess around, bring her along.” I was trying very hard to sound calm.

Eka continued her dramatic show of concern and loyalty while Carlos was very quiet.

“Fine!” He was exasperated.

I felt some relief. If he was letting Eka come, perhaps I wasn’t doomed to an unmarked grave in the jungle somewhere.

Eka stood up but held onto my arm. Carlos led us out of the flat and carefully down the stairs. I could feel a difference in the air as he left the warehouse and walked through the yard toward the gate. I heard the screech of metal and a loud thunk as the gate opened and we walked through. 

We made our way to the dock and as Carlos guided me onto a boat I remembered that boat’s and I don’t exactly get along. 

“Umm, I should warn you I’m probably going to throw up.” I felt embarrassed.

“Okay.” He laughed it off.

“Look I’m serious.” I tried to convey my seriousness. “I threw up on the way here. I’d rather not throw up with a bag over my head.”

“If she starts to feel sick you can take the bag off.” Carlos instructed Eka who helped me to a seat as the boat’s motor roared to life.

He either wasn’t very skilled as a boat driver or he was really trying to make up for lost time. The boat lurked forward, almost knocking me back. The he turned and the boat swayed nebulously, I could feel my stomach strongly opposing movement.

“Eka. I’m going to throw up.” I warned her. She quickly pulled the sack off me and helped me lean over the side.

I only had a few seconds to relish the view before I was polluting the water with my bile. Eka was kind enough to hold my hair back until I was able to settle down.

“Put the hood back on.” Carlos said as I sat back down. Eka put the bag back over my head.

I felt like my skin must be green. I wasn’t throwing up anymore, barely, but the nausea was still curled up, at home in my stomach. It was just waiting for the next wave to hit.

Luckily, the boat ride wasn’t too much longer.

Carlos stopped the boat and led us off it and into the back of a vehicle. He told us both to lay down and not to sit up for any reason. So Eka and I squeezed close to each other as he drove us somewhere. The road was very rough and we seemed to be going uphill.

“Eka, do you know where we are?” I asked, somewhat loudly. I doubted Carlos could hear us. His radio was blaring music, I had no idea what kind.

“We are near Churchtown.” She said ominously.

The name didn’t help me understand where we were, but it comforted me to know that she knew where we were. Even when she said it like it was a haunted house.

A few more cramped moments and the vehicle came to a stop. Carlos pulled me out of the back and guided Eka and I down a bank to some water. He pulled the sack off my head and untied my hands, handing both to me for safekeeping.

I looked around. The sun had come up, glittering rays on the clear blue water. We were on a mountain, I could see down into the trees and river below us. On our level, the river that split into four branches. One way led upstream, another downstream, and one went over a cliff forming a waterfall of sorts. The last option was the most interesting and odd. A cave, long and dark.

Carlos instructed us to get into a small boat with an outboard and I sighed. I’d rather swim.

The boat was barely big enough for the three of us, it sat very low in the water however. Carlos started the motor and steered us into the cave. This trip was pretty “special” all right. At least now, I was pretty sure I wasn't getting the axe. Carlos would have kept me tied up otherwise.

* * *

_Vaas sat patiently on the scaffolding running through the details in his mind. The devil was in the details and that devil was Hoyt._

_Last night when he was ready to go off half-cocked back to his Sirenita and stop her from doing something they’d both regret Hoyt had caught him._

_“Where are you fucking going at this ungodily our?” Vaas had cursed under his breath as he turned to see Hoyt smoking a cigar leaning against a tree nearby._

_He’d had to think fast. Something that sounded good enough to keep Hoyt unsuspecting, but urgent just enough to keep him from talking too long and not think he had to take things into his own hands._

_“One of the outpost’s alarms went off. I was going to go check to see which fucker leaned on the button.” He forced himself to grin._

_“Let one of the others take care of that. You’ve done enough for today.”_

_“This isn’t the first time the alarm’s gone off, Hoyt. I think it needs a **personal** touch this time.” He tried to push without pushing. _

_“If your man, what the fuck is his name? Benny? If he can’t handle it, go in the morning. Give it a ‘personal touch’ then.” Hoyt blew smoke in Vaas’s direction. “You’re looking tired. Your bed too soft for you?”_

_“What do you care about my sleep, Hoyt? As long as the merch keeps moving you'll be happy. Who the fuck cares about my bed? Why care how happy I am?” Vaas looked Hoyt in the eye, trying to read him._

_“You know the secret to keeping employees happy?” Hoyt asked looking straight back at him, like he was reading what was written on his soul._

_“What’s that?” Vaas tried not to roll his eyes or otherwise show how impatient he was._

_“Fear.” Hoyt smiled like he knew something._

_Vaas gave him a long, appraising look before Hoyt tossed the stub of his cigar in the dirt and crushed it beneath his heel._

_“You really should get some sleep, Vaas. You look like something’s been keeping you awake. You have those videos to make. I want the bright eyes and fresh tears really popping off the screen. It sells better.”_

_He smiled in his wry and penetrating way, then walked back into the camp._

_Shortly after that Carlos had called him back, telling him that his Sirenita was trying to run and that they were having some trouble catching her, so he was pretty fucking distracted from his thoughts about Hoyt and what he might know._

_In truth, he wasn’t too worried. Every conversation with Hoyt was like teetering on a razor’s edge between getting murdered and getting a lot of fucking money anyway. This wasn’t any different from the times before, but that didn’t mean he’d didn’t have to watch his back. Vaas could be careful and cunning when he needed to be._

_He should have been laying low, but he couldn’t just leave things as they were between him and Sirenita. He had to win her over again, get her to forgive him, love him again. So he’d made a plan._

_He told Carlos about it the night before, after everything had gone down, after he’d talked to her._

_Carlos was to bring her to the Old Mine quarry, blind so she couldn’t get a bearing on where she was or how to escape. Tied so it would look like she was just another slave if Carlos was stopped for some reason along the way. However awful the trip would be, he was sure his mermaid would be dazzled by the idea of swimming in the cavernous quarry._

_Tall, picturesque rock walls surrounding a clear, clean pool of water. Free of pollution, corpses, dangerous animals. She could swim for as long as she wanted and he would join her. Like a date in a fucking rom com._

_He hadn’t any reason to believe it wasn’t going perfectly. There was no reason for Hoyt to suspect anything, and as far as he knew, Carlos was running on schedule._

_The merch was being moved today, tomorrow he'd have videos to start on, ransoms to send, shipments to plan. Today was all his. And he was all hers._

_The sound of an outboard motor echoed off the rocky walls. He felt himself grow excited. A grin appeared on his face. He hadn’t seen her in a week, he felt a great need to touch her, kiss her, fuck her. Anything and everything she’d let him do._

_The boat appeared in the distance and Vaas got his first impression that things hadn’t gone according to plan. He could see that Sirenita was leaning over the edge of the small boat, more pale than normal. He would have kicked himself for not remembering that she didn’t do well in boats, but he was also distracted by the woman holding her hair out of her face and gently rubbing her back. It was that fucking puta that he’d given Sirenita to be her hands and help while he was gone._

_He wouldn’t have been upset if it wasn’t for the fact that she shouldn’t have been there and the look on her face pissed him the fuck off. She cared a lot about his soulmate, he could tell._

_The boat approached the small dock and Sirenita jumped out of the boat quickly, thankful for the stillness. The puta followed after her trying to comfort and soothe her. Carlos handed the puta a water bottle and she gave it to Sirenita who started swishing out her mouth gratefully._

_Vaas jumped down from the scaffolding and approached slowly. The puta looked up and saw him. Horrified alarm was in her eyes and she pulled his Sirenita behind her protectively. Jealousy flared up in his chest and he wanted to crush the girl’s skull in with his bare hands._

_“Eva! No!” The puta cried as his Sirenita moved around her to greet him. He noticed the name she’d called her. “Eva.” Was it a nickname she had given **his** soulmate? Or something else? Either option made his jealousy flare worse. _

_“It’s okay.” Sirenita had tried to comfort the woman who looked hysterical. More angry jealousy came over him. His mermaid had gotten attached to the puta. “It’s just Vaas.”_

_**It's just Vaas**. Like he was something worthy of only dismissal… _

_Today was supposed to be perfect, but the fucking cunt was ruining it all._

_Vaas was close enough to touch his lover now, and he tried to, but she pulled back a little and cleared her throat looking down at her feet awkwardly. He formed a fist with his denied hand and gritted his teeth for a moment._

_“Take the puta and get out of here, man.” Vaas said to Carlos, trying to hide his dangerous disappointment. Carlos gave him an unhappy look. “Go. Take her back, I’ll call you when it’s time to come back.”_

_Carlos pulled the girl into the boat as she cried and tried to cling to Vaas’s mermaid a while longer._

_"I'm going to be okay. I promise." Sirenita told her, only then was the cunt willing to leave. He had to stop himself from ripping his gun from its holster and shooting her in the face._

_Once Carlos and the puta were gone, Sirenita looked at him with disappointment._

_“Don’t call her puta.” She commanded him. “I can tell it’s insulting. She has a name. It’s Eka.”_

_He struggled to keep his mouth shut. He wanted to yell away his jealous pain. But he didn’t want to make things worse with his mermaid. She was looking so sexy too. He wouldn't waste the only shot to be with her he had for the next four days, yelling about a fucking cunt who couldn't keep her hands to herself._

_“She called you Eva.” He changed the subject and watched her reaction. She looked embarrassed._

_“Yeah, that’s my name.” She said with an adorable blush on her freckle-kissed cheeks._

_“Why didn’t you tell me?” He was very close to losing his temper. How long had it been since they were first together? She could have and should have told him._

_“You were calling me Sirenita, and I thought you already knew.” She explained like it should dismiss his envy. “You can call me Eva if you want. Or you can keep calling me Sirenita, I don’t care which. It’s fine.” She smiled at him in that sweet way he’d missed for what seemed like an eternity and he almost could forget how jealous he was._

_Almost._

_“My full name is Evangeline Ann Vins-” She started to tell him but he moved his body against hers and pulled her into a kiss. She hummed in surprise and gripped his arm for support. The smooth chill that only she could give moved through his body, soothing away the frantic negativity until all he cared about was keeping her in his arms. He’d needed this, he couldn’t live without it._

_Then she began to pull away._

_The agitated feelings came back as she broke the kiss_ _._

_“Vaas… Stop…” She panted with her eyes closed and her face turned, keeping her lips away from him._

_“Why? Why stop?” He was practically growling through clenched teeth._

_“Because you have no self-control.” Her voice betrayed that she was struggling to resist him too._

_He wanted to inform her just how much he was holding back at any given moment. Tell her that if he wasn’t holding back he’d have blew her precious "Eka" away. That if he wasn’t holding back, he’d have her writhing with pleasure under him that very moment. He knew restraint all too well and was using it far too much. Today wasn't suppose to be about holding back._

_“Okay. I’ll fucking stop.” He released her._

_She made a slightly disappointed face and he wondered why she would keep denying them what the both wanted._

_“Why was I practically kidnapped this morning?” She said looking over the quarry and into the water. “What clandestine intentions do you have?”_

_He grinned wickedly as if that was an answer. When she didn’t look entirely amused he frowned._

_“You wanted to get out for a while, hmm? Here you are. Out.” He gestured to showcase the quarry._

_Her eyes still looked confused._

_“I thought you might swim, but I guess that puta couldn’t even get that much right.” He looked over her jeans and shirt._

_“I have a suit underneath. And her name is Eka, remember? I just told you.” She fidgeted with the edge of her shirt._

_“Prove it. I want to see.” He tried not to think about Eka and instead focus on what he really cared about._

_She gave him an annoyed look. Shy as always._

_“I’ve never seen a mermaid swim.” He stepped in closer again, not laying his hands on her but looking her in the eye. “I want to see **my** mermaid swim.” _

_She shook her head and rolled her eyes, a little smile on her lips. She resisted for a moment longer, then kicked off her sandals and began to pull off the jeans. He was mesmerized as her legs were revealed, he was itching to touch them, and more if she’d only let him. Once the jeans were off she set her things together out of the way._

_He waited for her to pull the shirt away but she just folded her arms and nervously biting her velvety lower lip._

_“What's this, huh?” He asked, disappointed._

_“I don’t normally wear this kind of suit.” She didn’t look him in the face._

_He didn’t understand how she could still be so shy after all they’d already done together. Vaas stepped closer and let his hands rest on her waist. She looked up at him like she didn’t know what he was going to do. He kissed her again, delighting in the sensation. She was being careful, kissing him back, but hesitantly. He pulled the edge of the shirt upward and she tried to stop him, breaking the kiss to ask what he was doing._

_“Let me see. No one else is here.”_

_He kissed her more urgently, stroking his hands over the exposed skin of her torso, continuing to push the shirt upward. At last he pulled the garment over her head and she stood crossing her arms over her chest, trying to cover up still. She tilted her head down so her lush brown hair would fall over her face, hiding her embarrassed blushing._

_“You are beautiful.” He said, gently taking her hand and lifting them away from her body so he could see the milky skin exposed by the black bikini. She turned her head away coyly._

_"The most beautiful woman I've ever seen." He lightly gripped her chin with his fingers and turned her back to face him, brushing her hair out of her eyes. He looked her in the eye for a moment before kissing her again._

_This time he let go of some of his restraint. His fingers knotted into the hair behind her head, his other hand wrapped around the small of her back pulling her tight against him. She murmured her disapproval for a moment, then almost at once, melted against him. He smiled against her mouth for his small victory of getting her to give in. Her arms encircled his neck, pulling him in harder._

_He broke the kiss to get some air. She panted, her chest heaving against his. He grinned wickedly at her and she quirked up an eyebrow before he suddenly shoved her into the water._

_She cried out as she tumbled into and below the surface of the teal liquid. She came back up sputtering and blinking with shock on her face. Vaas chuckled and squatted down by the edge of the dock._

_“How’s the water, Sirenita? Not too cold?” He asked with an entertained look on his face._

_“You asshole!” She glared at him. “Why did you do that?!”_

_“Self-control.” He looked more serious for a moment before letting his smile return. He sat down, cross legged on the dock._

_“Aren’t you going to swim?” She asked disappointed._

_“I don’t wear a suit when I swim.” The words were a warning as well as a promise._

_“Oh.” She looked flustered and it made him smile more. “Well… I guess… I-I mean-I suppose you can swim too.”_

_Vaas grinned. He liked getting confirmations that she wanted him, needed him in return, no matter how small. A blush, coy smiles, shyly asking for something sweet, demurely trying to be seuxal… It all made him feel invigorated, like he wasn’t just spinning his wheels for no reason like he had before._

_He unlaced his boots and kicked them off. Then he stood and began pulling his belt and gear off. His eyes never left her. She was red faced and gave unsure glances as she followed his progression. Again he wondered how she could be so timid considering all they’d done together._

_He pulled his tank top off and tossed it aside, then unzipped his pants. She’d ducked most of her face under the water. Only her nose and eyes were above the surface, but he could see a greediness amid her diffidence._

_Once his pants were gone he stood for a long moment, letting her get a good look at him. She was looking, lost with a ravenous look on her face until her eyes lifted to his face. The eye contact woke her up to her behavior and she quickly spun around in the water, her back to him._

_Vaas grinned before diving in._

_The water was cold but he paid it no mind. He breached the water behind her and wrapped his arms around her body, pulling her close to him. She jumped at his touch._

_Eva hummed nervously, and he laughed at the way she seemed to be vibrating with anxious energy._

_“Does the mermaid want some pirate meat?” He whispered before pressing his lips lightly on the back of her neck. She shivered then turned around to face him. He liked the way it felt when her body moved through the water under his fingers._

_“I said you could swim with me… T-That’s all I-I said.” She tried to sound tough, firm. He wanted to kiss her until she couldn’t deny her obvious desire anymore. He leaned in to try._

_She slipped through his hands with surprising ease, moving like she was made for the water, like a real mermaid. He didn’t necessarily like how easy it was for her to get away._

_“You should behave. You’ve been bad lately.” She said._

_“I’m not the only one who’s been bad.” Vaas gave her a predatory look. “You have a punishment waiting for you.”_

_“Y-You’ll have to catch me first.” She said timorously but playfully._

_Vaas moved toward her and she moved away just as easily. He moved faster, she dove under the water. He felt her foot drift past his hand but didn’t manage to grab it. She came out of the water about four yards away, and he was amazed at how quick it’d been._

_“Holding out on me, huh? You really a mermaid or what?”_

_“You’re just slow.” Eva smiled mischievously at him._

_The spurious wound to his pride made him try harder. He swam at her hard and quick, he’d show her who was slow. She laughed and kicked off through the water, mostly keeping just out of reach._

_He managed to wrap his hand around her ankle and pull her toward him but she slipped out of his grip and dove again. He tried to peer under the water to find where she went but the water was too dark. After a couple of minutes waiting for her to surface and not seeing her he worried something might have happened. He dove himself looking for any sign of her. He didn’t see anything but rock._

_“Fuck.” He looked around with wide eyes, wondering if she ran._

_Suddenly arms came around his chest from behind. He jerked his head to see. She kissed his cheek impishly._

_“Where the fuck did you go?” He asked, genuinely curious._

_He remembered the ridiculous claims that Tom and Gael had made when they first told him about her. She was there, then she went under the water before they could reach her and just disappeared like a real mermaid or a ghost. He’d laughed at them for being easy to fool, he hadn’t believed their superstitious rot. But after he got her he called her Sirenita, remembering their ridiculousness. Maybe Gael and Tom hadn’t been complete idiots._

_“Behind you.” She said with an exuberant smile. She seemed to gain confidence in the water. He’d have to remember that._

_“What the fuck do you mean, ‘Behind you?’” He tried to pull her around so he could hold her proper. She just kicked off him and flitted away with a giggle._

_“The opposite of the direction you were facing.” She said smiling widely._

_“Fucking comedienne, huh?” He turned to look at her._

_Eva circled around him, backstroking languidly. Vaas followed her movements letting the way her body gracefully slid through the water seduce him, making him that much more determined to catch her so he could show her how much he’d missed her and needed her._

_“What the fuck is that?” He pointed toward the rope bridge high above them._

_She followed where he pointed and furrowed her brow. Vaas quietly moved below the surface and swam as fast as he could toward her. She wasn’t distracted for long, and he could see that she was turning around in the water trying to find him. She ducked her head under just in time to see him less than a foot away._

_She made a silent, but delighted scream underwater and tried to move out of reach, but he’d got a hold of her waist and pulled her up to the surface with him._

_“Who’s slow?” He said as she tried to escape._

_“You are! You had to trick me!” She laughed, still trying to swim out of his grip._

_“But I caught you. Now you’re all mine, mi bella Sirenita.” She grew very quiet and still at his words._

_Her face was flush and she hid it behind her injured hands. Vaas pulled her close, lifting her thighs to rest around his waist. She leaned away coyly._

_“What’s my punishment.” She asked in a whisper._

_“Kiss me and find out.” He looked menacing and devilish._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's song is "Siempre me quedará" by Bebe.
> 
> This chapter was longer but I decided to split it up. I have some surprises coming in the next chapter. ;D


	31. Him & I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Punishment or pleasure?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW... So smutty. Lots of Spanish... of course.
> 
> Shout out to MoonRead (moonart) for the song recommendation I used for this chapter. Thank you! You are awesome! :D 
> 
> You guys should check out her art, it's truly beautiful. She's done some Vaas and Eva art too. ;)  
> [Moon Illustrations](https://twitter.com/ArtMamoon)
> 
> Thanks to everyone for the comments and support you give. I really appreciate it, so much. You all are amazing! ^_^

I was so nervous and it didn’t make much sense. I could argue and say that it was like he was asking me to flip the switch at my own execution, but I’d kissed him so many times now it seemed like it should have been nothing. I decided to be brave, not sure what he had in mind, but I leaned forward to kiss him. At the last possible second I diverted from his mouth and kissed his cheek instead. I did it slowly and when I finally pulled back I expected him to look disappointed. Instead he looked a bit glazed over, a little like he’d been drugged.

“No. I think you can do better.” I said as his eyes suddenly snapped into lucidity. “Kiss me on the mouth.”

He pointed to his lips.

I tried to look like I was being mischievous instead of anxious. I leaned in again and kissed the side of his mouth, barely on his lips. Slower this time. When I pulled back he looked like he was relishing the sensation for all it was worth again. Then he looked up at me with a small amount of frustration.

“You know what I fucking want.” He said with an edge of annoyance in his voice.

I did know, but it was sort of pleasing to vex him over something simple like this. And it made me less afraid of what he had in store knowing that I had something he wanted so badly.

I smiled and leaned in again letting my forehead touch his, then I kissed him. Slow as ever. His body went rigid, like he was holding back. That wondrous electric sensation crackled and warmed between us. 

I wanted to deepen the kiss but I worried about how far he’d take that inch. A foot? A mile? There was a precarious solution in the works over our pregnancy disagreement, but he hadn’t said anything about it yet.

I ended the kiss, noting how he seemed to want more. Leaning forward, trying to keep my lips on his as long as possible.

There was an odd neediness in him. He’d been demanding and domineering before. This was different. This wasn’t just for physical pleasure or to temporarily thwart the link between us. There was something going on with him I didn’t understand. Whatever it was, he needed something from me. I wondered why he wasn’t just telling me. He never really seemed to be at a loss for confidence and he didn’t shy away from speaking about things that made my hair curl. Why be reticent now?

“Let’s cut to the fucking chase.” He started moving us back to the dock. “Your punishment is to make love to me.”

Nothing was ever truly straight forward with him. This punishment had to have some sort of catch or snare. This wasn’t going to be as simple as it sounded.

He reached the edge of the dock and lifted me on to it. I sat, letting my legs hang into the water. He put his chin on my knees and looked up at me.

“Show me how you _feel_.” He said and I suddenly understood what he was asking and what the catch was.

He didn’t want to fuck. He wanted me to lavish affectionate and emotional passion on him. Show him he was wanted, desired, needed, cherished… Loved. Let myself loose and demonstrate something more than mere physical sensuality. 

It felt like he was asking me to perform a Shakespearean soliloquy when I only knew conversational English. I thought about refusing. After all this punishment was supposed to be fun, not serious. Pleasurable not travailing. An opportunity for him to take what we both wanted him to, without any accountability or discomfort on my part…

That wasn’t fair, I realized. He’d been instigating everything, and I just sat back and let him after some resistance. Perhaps he’d noticed and it bothered him. And with our time apart he probably felt especially vulnerable and unloved. I could try to do this for him. Put my money where my mouth was; however humiliating it was to me.

I glanced around the cavern, checking over the scaffolding and rope bridges. We seemed to be alone. There weren’t any eavesdroppers, like back at the fortress. Just him and I.

“Did you get the condoms?” I asked quietly. I knew it wasn’t exactly romantic sounding and, considering his particular tastes, wasn’t very stimulating to think about, but I couldn’t give him what he wanted if I knew I was ruining and dooming myself.

He pulled himself out of the water and I caught myself hungrily glancing at his nakedness. He sat on the edge next to me and reached over to his pants. Inside his pocket he pulled a long strip of condoms. He tossed it to me, a disappointed look on his face.

The sight of the foil packages made my heart ease, any lingering upset I had over his previous deceptions flowed away. He’d made some mistakes, took liberties he shouldn’t have, hurt me, scared me. But he was trying to make it better, he was trying because he did care about me.

“Do you have a knife?” I asked counting out the amount of condoms there were.

“They tear open. You don’t need a fucking knife.” He said, sounding like we were at a funeral and I just cracked a joke.

“Do you have a knife?” I asked again, holding my hand out expectantly.

He huffed before pulling a combat knife out of a sheath on his belt. He tossed it up, flipping the knife over, catching it by the blade and offering me the handle. His expression was still rather surly.

I laid the condoms out on the dock. I made sure he was looking before I pushed the knife point into the center of one condom package. It pierced the foil and cut through the latex. One condom out of the bunch of five was ruined, it’s effectiveness was greatly reduced. I showed him that the knife had indeed gone all the way through enough to make a hole.

Vaas raised a curious brow. I handed him the knife with a slight smile and began pulling the little foil packages apart. Then I leaned over and grabbed the sack that had been my blindfold on the way over. I smoothed out the foil wrapper on the damaged condom so the only way you could tell it was broken was if you looked or felt very carefully and put all of them into the sack and shook it.

“It’s like roulette. You’re going to pick one.” I said trying not to blush. “You aren’t going to look, you aren’t going to feel around until you find the ruined one. You are going to quickly and blindly pick. And that’ll be the one we use.”

“Sirenita, are you trying to trick me? Make me think I got a shot when you rigged it?” Vaas looked mistrustful.

“No. I swear, whatever one you pick, no matter which, is the one we use.” I felt some worry prick at my heart. “You don’t get to know if you picked right or wrong, but you have a real chance. That’s the best I can do to compromise.”

He nodded after considering for a long moment.

I came over to him and knelt beside him. I picked up his hand and brought it to my lips and pressed a soft kiss to his fingertips then guided his hand to the bag.

“Choose.”

His hand plunged into the bag and quickly pulled out a condom. He was holding it by the corner and I felt rather confident that he hadn’t attempted to cheat. I took the condom, hiding it in my hand before he could look at it. Vaas tossed the bag with the rest of the condoms onto the pile of my clothes, probably trying to prevent me from making a possible switch.

I kissed him. It was a light unsure kiss at first. I was preoccupied with the condom in my hand. I wondered if it was the ruined one. I hadn’t looked well enough to see which he’d picked. I wasn’t sure I wanted to know. This was the only way that I could see a happy medium between us. Vaas would be taken by the idea that he might have gotten what he wanted. I could pretend that he didn’t.

I noticed that he didn’t take over or push the kiss into anything more. He was waiting to see what I’d give him to work with.

I broke the kiss and looked him over. I had been trying to read his expression, or understand more of what was going on in his head but I noticed the superficial indications that he wasn’t exactly well.

His hair and facial hair had been shaved carefully before. Now they looked hastily done, with spots that were missed by a razor. He had dark circles around his eyes, like he hadn’t been sleeping for a few days. The look in his green eyes was still hypnotic, but there was some thinly-veiled instability and savagery there. He was rather unkempt all around. It was obvious he’d been suffering and not taking the best care of himself while we were apart.

“Are you alright?” I asked and he looked at me more intensely.

“I’m fucking perfect.” His tone communicated to me that he didn’t want pity.

I brushed a hand over his cheek and gave him a quick kiss.

“You look very tired. Have you been sleeping alright?”

“Fucking Hoyt and now you? I’m fine.” He said churlishly.

I set the condom down behind me and sat. I pulled him gently until his head was in my lap.

“What the fuck is this about?”

“Tell me about something.” I smiled down at him cradling the side of his head with one hand and letting the other rest on his chest.

“Trying to get out of your punishment, Sirenita?”

“No. Trust me.” I shook my head. “Just relax for a moment.”

I stroked his face softly. He was reluctant to relax and looked up at me like I was tricking him somehow.

“I’ll fuck your brains out afterwards.” I gave a sly smile. “For now, get comfortable and relax. Close your eyes.”

He eased a bit and closed his eyes.

“You know I missed you, right?”

“Did you?” He snarked, keeping his eyes closed. “You ran.”

“Yes. I did.” I ignored his tone. “I only ran because you lied to me about how you felt and you were using me to get what you wanted anyway. I’m not going to be your mindless, breeding doll.”

“I didn’t want you to be. I love you.” He said ardently, opening his eyes and staring me down. It was weird hearing something so sweetly sincere come out of his mouth.

“It’s okay. We’re moving forward, aren’t we? Close your eyes.” I ran my fingertips over the patches of hair that he’d missed with his razor. Most of the spots were around the long scar on his head but one spot was over his lip near the corner of his mouth and I repressed a giggle.

Most people would look ridiculous if they’d messed up like that. Nonetheless,even with his eyes closed and relaxing, Vaas just looked more menacing. Someone might assume he shaved with a machete without a mirror, which might actually be true. I’d never seen him do his hair. How did he get it to stand up like that? I almost laughed at the thought of him using some hair spray or gel of some kind.

“What did you miss when I was gone?”

“I missed your cooking. Eka is alright, but she lacks your showmanship.” I smirked even though he couldn’t see. “And I’d rather have you feeding me if I’m being honest.”

“What else am I better at than the puta?” He grinned and I felt him relax more against my legs.

“ _Eka._ ” I reminded him. He ignored me. “I prefer watching movies with you. You don’t stop me to ask what something means every three minutes.”

His smile grew wider.

“I prefer your flossing technique too. I’m pretty sure Eka hadn’t flossed a day in her life before. She’s gotten better but she’s still rather clumsy.”

“You can’t wait for me to be back then?” He asked and I became aware of Eka’s expendability.

“Of course I can’t wait.” I frowned trying to think of how to make Eka seem more valuable even if Vaas was there to be my hands. “Though I think I like her dressing me more. If you had your way I think you’d never have me properly dressed. It’d probably be lingerie or nothing with you.”

“What’s so bad about that?” He was still smiling but not as widely as before.

“Nothing if I never left the bedroom and I liked my body on display twenty-four seven. I like clothing, real clothing.”

“Point goes to the puta.” He grumbled.

He was refusing to call her by her name on purpose. I worried for her more.

“When she helps me bathe I get clean and stay clean for more than two minutes together, which is nice too.”

“Enough about her.” His tone was chilling. Trying to help Eka, I might have hurt her chances more. “Tell me more about what you missed while I was gone.”

“I missed your smell.” He raised an eyebrow, but smiled at the admission.

“I was cuddling with your pillow to smell you when I went to bed. Until we had to wash the bedding, it helped me sleep.”

I realized that I was close to accidentally revealing the situation I’d lied to him about.

“You should come back and make the bedding smell good again.” I said quickly hoping he didn’t ask any questions.

He looked very pleased.

“I also missed your voice. I know we talk over the phone, but I was craving the real thing.”

“You like my voice then?”

“It’s sexy as hell.” I grinned. “I’ll admit, it’s especially sexy when you speak in Spanish.”

“Es por eso que no puedes resistirte.” He said immediately.

“Nope.” I covered his mouth before he could say anything else. “You’re supposed to be relaxing, not driving me crazy.”

“I can fucking do both.” He chuckled, pulling my hand off.

“Then you can’t be trusted.” I playfully warned.

“Soy un hombre peligroso.” He opened his eyes and looked at me wickedly.

“Stop. I haven’t finished telling you what I missed.” I covered his mouth again. I was already feeling the tense heat of desire building up in me.

“Muéstrame todas esas cosas.” He pushed my hand away but I immediately went to cover his mouth again. “¿Estás mojado por mí?”  
  
He pulled my hand away and held it so I couldn’t stop him again.

“You are incorrigible!” I tried to yank my hand back but he was too strong.

“¿Estás bien? Parece que algo te haya aturdido.” He had a roguish look in his eye.

Arousal started to flood my system and thwart my thought processes. He was naked. I’d been ignoring that fact, but I couldn’t anymore. I was overwhelmed. I bit my lip in an attempt to hold it in. I did not find success.

It had been a long time. Not really, but it felt like it to me. Vaas could jerk himself off while he talked to me over the phone. I didn’t have that option with my hands the way they were. I was teasing myself the whole time he was gone. Even if I was able to get off on the phone sex, I suspected it wouldn’t be too satisfying, like the shower had been. 

Thinking about it Vaas probably wasn’t too sated during our calls either, no matter how he seemed to revel in them.

There was no need to halt the hunger now. He was here, I was here. We’d be crazy not to take advantage of this time.

“Me encanta la forma en que te muerdas el labio si estás nerviosa.” He pressed a thumb over my lower lip, tugging it out of my teeth. Then he sat up and held my face in his hands. “Quiero que me muerdas así.”

I had hoped to give him a break. A moment to himself. Even let him nap if he wished it. All those well-intentioned things were now being thrown out the window over a bit of Spanish.

It wasn’t fair that he could drive me to this so easily. Just say a few sentences I didn’t understand and I was a hot mess. 

All I had to drive him crazy was his kink, and that was dangerous to toy with. Or was it? I remembered the condom package still behind me. I reached back and grabbed it.

I pushed Vaas down on the wood of the dock firmly. He was surprised by my forcefulness.

“I know what you’d like.” I said tearing the foil with my teeth so I could use one hand to keep him from getting up. My head was turned so he couldn’t see the integrity of the foil. “Let’s find out if you’re lucky enough.”

I felt like a game show hostess. _Let’s play the game and see what you win!_

I found myself walking the razor’s edge between overbearing lust and complete and utter humiliation as I looked over his body.

His frame was muscular, hard. A trail of black hair connected the sections of his torso, ending in a patch where his erection stood proudly. Perfection, truly.

“¿Te gusta lo que ves, cariño?” He was smiling in that predatory way.

Why was I so nervous? He was my soulmate. I’d already been sexual with him a lot, actually having sex with him a few times. I should be confident. I shouldn’t be terrified. He wanted me to make love to him. What if I couldn’t because I didn’t know how? Would he hate me? Would he kill me? Would he actually punish me instead of subjecting me to this test of feeling? 

_Just shut up already. Enough!_ I scolded myself.

I was thinking too much and feeling too little. That’s what my real problem was. I needed to let myself just feel for once.

I got out of my own head and I let my hand stroke over the velvety skin of his member curiously. He sucked in a harsh breath and groaned. I went to increase the pressure, but sharp pains started in my palm and I didn’t want to tear another stitch.

“¿Estás tratando de matarme?” He hissed when I stopped.

I took the condom and quickly rolled it down his length. I was a little clumsy, and I had to really force myself not to check for holes. I wondered if he was disappointed, before I remembered I wasn’t going to think about this.

“Do you want to help me out?” I said climbing on top of him, his cock was behind me. “Or do you think I should keep my suit on?”

“Tengo los ojos llenos de ganas de verte.” He said sitting up and sliding the wet bandeau top upward kissing over the skin he revealed little by little. After a moment more the top was tossed in the pile of clothing. 

His large rough hands rubbed and squeezed my breasts, toying with my nipples until they were hard. Then he pulled me closer so he could put his mouth on one.

I wouldn’t deny I liked the way it felt. His tongue was hot and slick and stimulating a sensitive part of my body. Though with his preferences I found myself wondering if he was adding a lactation fantasy to his kink repertoire. He did seem to always make sure that he did something involving his mouth on my boobs whenever we were together like this.

He bit lightly on my nipple and I gasped in shock. I looked down at him and he grinned at me like a naughty boy. I was going to be mad but I was just driven further into lust at the sight.

“You’re so bad,” I playfully scolded him. “But I want you so much.”

He encouraged me to raise myself while he pulled my suit bottoms downward. When the fabric was gone I felt my wetness starting to run down my thigh a little. I was more affected than I realized. His hand felt over my wet heat.

“I’m so wet and it’s all your fault.” I whispered.

“Es verdad.” He let his fingertips slip across my folds. “Sirenita, estás empapado.”

The Spanish was getting to be too much. Coupled with the feeling of his hands on me, couldn’t stand it anymore.

“Are you going to knock me up already?” I said ignoring the cringe I felt. I had a condom to rely on, I was as safe as I would ever be. I could give him this.

His face was ferocious with passion. He gripped my hips and forced me down onto his sheathed cock. I resisted, slowing my descent knowing that it would drive him crazy. I felt the tip pressing up into me and I slowly let him push me down until I was sitting on his hips. I savored the grand stretch of him fully inside me. As I moved on him, a delicious ache I didn’t know I missed made me more hot with need. 

I supported myself as I lifted up with my hands on his shoulders. I lowered myself, letting my hips sway a bit as I ground down on him.

“E-Eres perfecta.” He moaned.

I lifted again and teased him with a slow grind once more.

“Mas rapido.” As little Spanish as I actually understood, I knew what that meant. He wanted it faster.

I grinned and leaned down to kiss him as I made another deliberately slow dip with my hips. He bucked up into me and I gasped at the sudden sensation. 

I started to lift up again but he still had his hands on my hips and pulled me down again sharply. It was rough, but I was so slick it didn’t hurt, it felt divine. 

He was so impatient that he wouldn’t let me slow down, everytime I lifted my hips he pulled me down, or rammed upward into me. We continued on until we found a rhythm that steadily increased in tempo and I was practically bouncing on him.

“¡Se siente tan bien, Eva! FUCK!! ¡Q-Quiero que tú me m-montes tan duro como puedas!” He shouted.

From the way that he pulled on me harder and his movement became more frenetic I could tell he was close.

I was close too. Hearing my real name coming out of his mouth in such a manner drove me faster to the edge.  
  
I was panting and moaning as I moved even faster and harder on to him. I leaned forward a bit, the angle making some friction on my clit. It also made more friction between us. He was almost there.

“Show me how much you want me! Cum for me, Vaas!” I commanded breathlessly. 

“Eva!” He slammed me down harder than ever, seized with his climax. 

Our voices echoed through the quarry.

The feeling of every muscle in his body flexing tight beneath me was enough to send my own orgasm tearing through me. I screamed his name and some resembling gibberish and I didn't care.

After the impossibly tense bliss faded I slumped a bit. I could feel him going soft inside me. 

As I caught my breath I pressed small kisses to his chest until he cradled my face in his hands and leaned up to kiss me.

“Te amo. I love you so fucking much.” He whispered.

“I love you too.” I smiled and rolled off him, laying on my back and looking at the clouds drift past the top of the quarry.

There was a sudden glare coming from the trees high up in the trees on top of the rock walls. I furrowed my brow curiously. I couldn’t see anyone or anything, but something had to make the light glint like that.

“You looked like a goddess riding me like that. Fucking perfect.” Vaas said and I looked at him incredulously with a bit of a blush on my face. 

He climbed over me and kissed me without a hint of chastity.

“How about we do that again?” He suggested with a nefarious look on his face.

“Right now? Already?” I asked, shocked at the implication.

“I’m fucking ready when you are.” He growled.

As I was about to speak I noticed some movement on the rope bridge above us. One of Vaas’s men was running across it.

“Vaas! An outpost got hit!” He shouted as he ran.

I clambered and hid myself behind him.

“Fuck…” Vaas cursed under his breath before turning to acknowledge the pirate. “I told you fucks not to come down here!” He shouted at the man.

“You weren’t answering your radio.” The pirate stopped at the end of the first rope bridge and looked down at us.

I was mostly hidden from view but he’d have to be a complete idiot not to know what was going on. Vaas didn’t have a stitch on and I was amazed to see he was already half hard.

“The outpost is-”

“I fucking heard you. I'll take care of it in a moment. Now get the fuck out of here!” Vaas shouted and the pirate ran quickly back the way he came.

When he was gone Vaas rubbed a hand over his face in frustration.

“I’m sorry Sirenita. I wanted to give you the whole day, but I have to take care of this.” He said getting to his feet.

“Wait.” I said before he could move too far away. I stood close to him, looking him in the eye as I pulled the condom off. “There.”

I kissed him. “Are you sure you have to go?”

“Yeah. It sounds fucking serious up there.” He murmured, pulling his clothing back on. “I’ll call Carlos to come back and get you. Do what you want till then.”

He finished dressing by putting his belt back on and sliding the knife into its sheath. 

I pulled him into my arms and kissed him long and slow.

“Are you _really_ sure you have to go?”

He smiled at me and gave me a quick peck before climbing up the scaffolding.

I gathered up my suit and put it back on very disappointed.

“Hey! Sirenita! I’ll call you!” Vaas’s voice echoed down to me from the rope bridge.

“You fucking better!” I shouted back.

I watched him disappear into the tunnel and flopped down on the dock dejected.

I missed him already.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's song is "Him & I" By G-Easy and Halsey.
> 
> I rewrote this chapter three times... :C I'm posting it as is because I'm too tired to argue with myself about it anymore. I hope you can enjoy it.
> 
> I drew the horrible art at the beginning... Just in case you were wondering where it came from.
> 
> I'm planning on responding to comments when I wake up tomorrow.


	32. Evil Angel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Plans for Jason and Eva are scheduled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More Vaas POV and in-game events in this one. ;D

_“Jason?” Vaas asked with incredulity as the Scavenger barrelled down the rough road. “Jason Brody, that fucking pussy?”_

_“Yeah Boss.” Benny confirmed, steering around a pothole._

_“Hermano, you telling me that piece of fuck took the Amanaki outpost by himself?”_

_“Yeah. It’s fucking true. I had it confirmed.” Benny nodded._

_“Who’d you send?” The news was startling, impossible. Vaas suspected the truth had been doctored or exaggerated._

_“Marti.” Benny said confidently._

_“Shit... What in the actual fuck!?” Vaas couldn’t deny Marti was on top of his shit. He didn’t exaggerate or make shit up. He didn’t have much of a sense of humor either. If Marti said that Jason Brody attacked and took an outpost, it fucking happened._

_“I don’t fucking know.” Benny hissed as they pulled up to the guard station outside of PC._

_Vaas got out of the Scavenger and rolled his shoulders a bit before walking down to the cave. Benny followed._

_“Tell me about the girl. They lost her?” Vaas asked._

_“Toward the west near the Doc’s.”_

_“She fucking dead then?” Vaas looked like he could murder someone._

_“Who the fuck knows? She disappeared, or whatever the fuck they think that word means.” Benny entered the cave first._

_“Those motherfuckers! She was going for over fifty grand! Hoyt’s going to fucking notice when 50 fucking k poofs into nothing.” Vaas stormed through to the far back where they filmed the ransom videos. He grabbed the laptop with the manifest information and started looking up the blonde’s name. “You better fucking believe I’ll make sure that shit show runs downhill, right on top of those pricks.”_

_Benny grimaced but nodded._

_“Hermano, what was the name of the blonde puta again?”_

_“Daisy something.” Benny answered and then tried to hold in a laugh rather unsuccessfully._

_“What’s so fucking funny, man?” Vaas asked with a hard look._

_“Just they told me that Jason thought they had the other one. What the fuck is her name?... Lisa or Liza or something.” He was smiling. “Called out ‘LIza!’ like some pussy when he heard her.”_

_Lightning struck Vaas’s brain._

_Jason would be a problem, especially if he was trying to get his friends back and wasn’t afraid to go Rambo to do it. Vaas had to admit he’d misread Jason, or that something changed since he last saw him, something that gave him the confidence to grow a pair._

_Vaas was usually very good at reading people. He knew, at a glance, which prisoners would rat out their friends, which would run, which would fight. This mistake aggravated him._

_Still, it was likely that Jason was in a highly emotional state. If that was true, he could be easily provoked into error. If he assumed that they had Liza, when he heard Daisy, he might favor Liza. She might even be his soulmate. He could fuck him over pretty hard if that was the case._

_“Do we still have Liza?” Vaas asked with a smile._

_“Yeah, last I knew.” Benny nodded._

_“Have them bring her here, hermano.” Vaas said as he typed_

_As Benny sent the call, Vaas quickly formed the rest of his plan._

_If he could take care of the Jason problem quick enough, before it blew up anymore than it already had, Hoyt might give him a pass. Just assume that everything was status quo and this was a one time fuck up that wouldn’t be repeated. He wouldn’t go looking into anything. He wouldn’t find out about Eva._

_That brought up another problem. Vaas’s promise to spare Jason. He’d get his hands on the dumb fuck, it was only a matter of time, especially if they had who Jason really wanted. Liza. But what would he do when he got him? Killing him seemed like the smartest thing. The dead didn’t take outposts or get revenge. If he did end him, Eva wouldn’t be happy that he’d reneged on their deal. And he couldn’t lie about it unless he wanted to risk her running again. She might actually make it this time. She wasn’t an idiot and she’d almost got away last time. He didn’t want to think about what he’d do if she did escape…_

_Maybe he’d just torture Jason until he broke then send him off into tiger territory wearing nothing but skin. Eva didn’t say anything about torture or tigers…_

_Once that was sorted, there was still one more issue to address. The Rakyat had taken the outpost Jason had cleared. Whether it was a collaboration or just opportunistic, it was clear they were watching Jason and not afraid to use him to gain an edge in the war._

_Vaas was particularly angry about this. Not so much that the outpost was lost, but that his loss was Citra’s gain. He’d already lost enough to his sister, hadn’t he? He wouldn’t lose any more, not if he could help it._

_Even though he felt the rage of hatred burning in his chest, he could think rationally, practically. He wasn’t opposed to using whatever means possible to win. And while he couldn’t believe Citra’d accept a rich, white boy into the tribe; Vaas was certain she would help Jason if it was beneficial for her control over the island and the Rakyat to do so. He would use that exchange of information to his advantage._

_Jason would be dealt with. The Rakyat would be destroyed. Citra would feel his bullet as she died. Vaas would rule the island, unchallenged, with Eva at his side. He just figured out the plan to make it happen._

_“I have some errands for you, man.” Vaas smiled. “You gotta make sure everyone follows my instructions real fucking carefully too.”_

_Benny’s eyebrow raised but he nodded. Then he picked up a small box and tossed it to Vaas._

_“What the fuck is this?”_

_“That thing you ordered over a week ago.” Benny smirked._

_“No shit?” It’d come earlier than he’d thought._

_“I guess a little fucking pressure goes a long fucking way.” Benny leaned back on the table and folded his arms._

_Vaas pulled his knife and cut the package open. He pulled out the contents, looking it over carefully then gave a satisfied smile._

_“A ella le encantará.” Vaas’s smile grew._

* * *

I mixed the batter as vigorously as my hands would allow. I was pleased that the pain was noticeably less than the day before and the day before that. I was coming up on the end of the two weeks wasn’t I? I couldn’t wait to have working hands once again.

I poured the batter into the pans and popped them in the oven. I looked at and noted the time on the new phone Vaas gave me. It was different from the last one; larger, more rugged and all black. It was a “subtle” message that he didn’t want me to break any more phones or refuse any more of his calls.

Message received.

“That was good. You almost did it alone.” Eka praised me cautiously once I set the phone down.

She was aware that it probably wasn’t the best for her that I got better but she was happy for me anyway. I also felt torn. Vaas made it very clear he didn’t like her. Somehow, she was a threat to him. I needed to figure out how to keep her alive when the day came that I was no longer in need of someone else’s hands. That day was soon and I both worried and was excited for it. So far my only plan to keep her safe involved massive amounts of begging that could be increased to sexual favors as needed. Not much of a plan, I had to admit. Then again my plans had a way of not working out at all since I came to this island… Maybe it would be better to play things by ear.

There wasn’t much to do for the past couple days, except watch movies and wait for the cakes to bake and cool. I would have been miffed if it wasn’t for the improvement in my hands.

I’d made four cakes so far and I had given them to the fortress pirates as an apology for ruining their night. I could tell they liked the cake but I feared that relations were permanently damaged between us. They were still very wary of me, even when they came to the door to ask when the cake would be ready.

My life was fucking strange.

After our vigorous riding lesson a couple days before I thought Vaas would be less needy, but he only seemed worse. He’d call me at random times and each time he was reluctant to end the call before I’d reassured him that I loved him and wouldn’t run. Like he didn’t believe me. 

I worried about it. I could hear the tiredness in his voice, he wasn’t sleeping well or wasn’t sleeping much or at all. He’d looked exhausted and unhinged in the quarry. I didn’t imagine he was getting better. I had tried to get him to sleep when he’d call at night, trying to soothe him with my voice so he’d relax enough to do it. I hadn’t succeeded yet.

Once the cake was finished I took a thin slice for Eka and I and right on cue Carlos was at the door asking if the cake was finished.

“They can smell it.” He said as he pushed the door open. “Won’t shut the fuck up about it.”

“Here.” I offered, “It’s finished.”

He smiled and took the cake out to the men who immediately began dividing it up amongst themselves like it was a treasure or something.

I would have been flattered and assume I was really good at cooking, but I suspected their enthusiasm lay in the novelty of it rather than the quality. It wasn’t horrible by any stretch. It was pretty good for the ingredients I had… But most of them probably never had cake before or like this, and dessert in general seemed elusive on the island. It was shiny and new and somewhat sweet and they all might have been suffering from the munchies.

I felt like I was a pro at this particular recipe. When I actually made it for Vaas it would be perfect, if I didn’t louse it up with nervousness or malfunctioning fingers.

After the cake had been devoured, Eka watched a movie. I went for a walk around the fortress, taking my phone with me. 

Pak followed me with a gun. Humorous considering that we both knew he wouldn’t use it on me. I was more concerned with the old water bottles most of them carried that had blood in them. I gave them the benefit of the doubt and assumed it was pig blood. It upset me that Vaas had told them all and they all intended to take advantage of it. It made the fortress feel more like a prison than ever before. 

I understood how Vaas felt at that moment. The helplessness of not being there, coupled with the panic of being told that I was running and they were struggling to get me back. I even looked back and felt like I overreacted a little. I shouldn’t have refused to hear him out, I shouldn’t have hung up and I shouldn’t have broken the phone either. What bothered me about the situation was the lack of regard for my wishes in Vaas’s response.

I got the impression that he would have done anything to keep me with him. Even though things had calmed down between us a little, I still felt like he would do anything to keep me all to himself. He’d never let me go.

It was that natural obsessive quality in him shining through. I would admit that part of me liked the idea of someone needing me so much that they would do anything… But the logical part of me knew that extreme behavior like that could cause real damage and be dangerous. Like playing with matches at an oil refinery. And I had no answer to fix it. Not even a little hint of what direction to go. 

I tried not to think about it, and enjoy my moment in the sunlight.

Everything looked very different during the daytime. At night it looked almost like a ghost town that had people squatting in it. During the day it looked a little less dilapidated, more like people could reasonably exist there. The contrast between the conditions inside Vaas’s place and outside it were heavily contrasted. Outside it was like a slum, inside it was practically palatial by comparison, with the fixtures that a lot of people would envy even back home in the states.

Again I wondered where the luxuries came from. Where the clothes came from. Where everything that wasn’t covered in a layer of rust came from. I wasn’t sure I actually wanted to know. I suspected that the original owners were very dead or sold or maybe something worse.

Logically I could deduce, from what I’d witnessed, Vaas made money. A lot of it. His business was lucrative. Otherwise what was the point of living so cruelly and hard? Why endure misery and savagery without some kind of profit? Why risk heavy retribution without a fitting reward? I liked the idea that he bought everything and the person who installed it was too terrified to get it right. It was a much more preferable thought than he stole it from people he murdered or enslaved.

Enslaved…

I wanted Vaas. I loved him. I could accept his life had been terrible and hard. But I wanted so much for the pain to stop. No more guns, death, crime, drugs, slaves, Hoyt, pirates, Citra, squalor… None of it. If only we could leave it all behind us.

The image of Vaas living a more tame and domestic existence brought a smile and a repressed laugh to my mouth. Picturing him in a suit with a briefcase, kissing me as he left for work… Hilarious to think about? Yes. Safer than the life we had now? Absolutely! Even so, I knew it would never happen. That wasn’t Vaas, and truthfully wasn’t quite me either.

I sighed heavily as I stood on the wall and stared into the trees and at the water beyond.

It was hard to remember that we’d known each other for less than a month. Dealing with the bond and the serious heaviness that came with it was difficult when you were essentially strangers. We’d have to get to know each other better. Maybe then Vaas wouldn’t worry about me running or not loving him. Maybe then we could discuss things without him assuming I’m pulling one over on him. But I didn’t know how that would happen with him gone more than here. I could only hope that time would smooth it over.

I rolled my eyes in irritation and walked quickly back to the warehouse. Pak followed a bit surprised at my abrupt direction change.

I would make another cake. I had more than enough supplies still and I couldn’t stand the tedium of waiting around for Vaas to come or call. It would drive me mad in more ways than one.

“Let them have cake!” I cried as I entered the warehouse. I was surprised when some of them clapped.

* * *

_Vaas pressed the record button and moved the camera in close to Liza’s forlorn and terrified face._

_“Please. No.” She begged trying to keep as far from him as she could._

_“I want you to say, ‘Mom, Dad…” He tried to film her face from every angle. Bidders loved to see as much as they could, and the closeness would subtly add to the blind rage Jason would have watching it. Not to mention he discovered when he’d “questioned” her earlier that she had an extreme aversion to touching. The closer Vaas was to touching her the more upset she would be, the more upset Jason would be, the more likely he’d fall into the trap thoughtlessly._

_Grant’s bravery was apparently dormant in Jason, took a while to show up. Vaas would bank on Grant’s arrogance and stupidity being in him too._

_“Mom, Dad…” Liza parroted him, more tears fell down her cheeks._

_“I love you.” Vaas continued his impromptu script._

_“I wanna go home.” She sobbed._

_“That’s very nice. I want you to do it again.”_

_“No.” She was getting that defiant tone again._

_“With more emotion. You can do it, honey. Come on.” He encouraged her to obey by pushing the camera in close again. She whimpered and tried to move away._

_“Yo, Vaas. The Brody Boy just raped the comm room at the Medusa. He’s-” Benny had walked into the room. Vaas pointed the camera downward, “deliberately” pointed at her chest._

_“Benjamin, Benny, Ben.” Vaas whistled for emphasis. “I’m directing this film right now, okay?”_

_Benny looked at him incredulously._

_“You need to get outta here, man. Those fucking idiot cocks mentioned your name on the radio-”_

_“COULD YOU PLEASE stop swearing? Okay? We are in the presence of a lady actress.” Vaas played his directing up to the hilt._

_“Fuck… Fuck you.” Liza said with some hesitation and fear but mostly anger._

_“Fuck me?” Vaas scoffed before turning to glare at Benny. “Do you see what you just did? You turned my actress against me.”_

_Benny furrowed his brow, standing like he couldn’t believe how insane Vaas was._

_“Now get the fuck out of here. Disappear.” Vaas shooed him off but Benny just stood there, waiting._

_Vaas turned back toward Liza._

_“I want to apologize for my friend and his complete lack of tact, okay? This guy’s a complete asshole. We’re going to win the Oscar for this, okay?”_

_“No.”She sobbed harder, seeing his apparent insanity._

_“Tears. That’s right. Keep going.” He whispered moving in close again. She whimpered and tried to pull away from him._

_Vaas stopped the recording._

_“Annnnnd… Cut! That’s a fucking wrap.” He smiled and set the camera down. “That’ll fuck him up real good.”_

_Vaas stretched and rolled his shoulders._

_“Everyone delivered their lines perfectly. Good fucking job everyone.” Vaas pretended he was a director after he’d gotten a really good take, which is pretty much exactly what happened. He pulled a cigar out of his pocket and put it in his mouth._

_Liza stared at him with disbelief. Benny just shrugged. Vaas had had him do weirder shit. Pretending that Jason had just gone to Medusa and figured out where to find Vaas wasn’t that crazy. Honestly, it made sense. Jason was like a mad dog looking around for a target to sink his teeth into. Infiltrating Medusa was just logical, it was the only point that he could access all the communication on the island. It was the only way he could find his friends and get closer to obtaining revenge. Jason would hear what Vaas wanted him to hear, go where Vaas wanted him to go. Fall into the trap that was already waiting for him._

_It was crazy how much Vaas had going just under the surface. He would do cruel and crazy shit, just like the rest of them, but it wasn’t always for fun or pleasure. With Vaas, there was always a reason for everything. Every smile, every look, every ounce of pain had purpose. It was frightening for Benny to think about._

_“Let’s set up a projector right here.” Vaas looked at Benny and pointed to the table on the wall. “Point it at that fucking wall.”_

_“It’s not going to show up too well there.” Benny pointed out. “Wall’s too dark.”_

_“Put some sort of screen together then. Just the shit that’s lying around.” Vaas pulled out the lighter and flicked it. It didn’t ignite. He flicked again, twice more before it flickered to life._

_“What about that fuck?” Benny pointed to a cage further in the room where another one of Jason’s friends was slumped._

_“When Jason springs the trap, we’ll bring Oliver along. A little extra fucking leverage.” Vaas lit the cigar and let the smoke fill his mouth before blowing it out in a ring._

_“The ransom from the Carswells is going to be fucking high. As high as that dumbfuck wishes he was.” Benny smiled._

_“Give him something strong, hermano. The good fucking stuff. He’s our precious little VIP. Keep him happy and fucking docile.” Vaas instructed with a wry grin. He flicked the ash off the cigar._

_“Why are you doing this! You are fucking sick!” Liza screamed at them._

_“Language, Miss Snow. You’re still on set.” Vaas took another drag and walked over to her, squatting down by the chair she was tied to to look her in the eye better. She squirmed and tried to move away. He blew smoke in her face. She held her breath. He looked her over like he was appraising her._

_“I don’t know Benny… Our actress looks like she needs something. Looks like a wilted flower, a little lonely. Missing that motherfucking white boy for sure.” Vaas smirked while looking her dead in the eye._

_“What are we gonna do about it?” Benny asked, playing along._

_“Maybe we’ll have everyone come in here, give her some fucking company until Jason decides to fucking show.”_

_He put the cigar between his teeth and grabbed her face with his hand. She almost squealed. He forced her to look at him._

_“Would you like that Liza? You saw all my men when you were brought here. I could have them come in here, take turns with you. Put their hands all over that fucking beautiful, hollywood body of yours. Is that what you fucking want?” Vaas’s voice was quiet and sullen._

_Her skin felt like nothing to him. She might as well be dead for the sensation it gave and the meaning it held. Vaas found himself craving Eva’s skin, Liza’s wasn’t worth the effort of touching. Still, she hated to be touched. More than what was typical for western fucks. He learned that she and Jason were not clipped, and that Liza was afraid of either of them finding their soulmates, driving them apart. She was very afraid of his men laying hold of her, touching bare skin. She was very compliant in order to avoid that and the potential fate it could provide._

_“No.” She whimpered._

_“Then shut the fuck up. If I hear one sound from you, or your fucking friend over there… I swear to God I’ll have everyone come in here and then we’ll have a real fucking party.”_

_She winced and nodded without saying a word._

_“What a good fucking starlet.” He let her chin go and stood up._

_He took another drag and looked at his phone._

_“It’s fucking late, hermano. I’m going to piss off.” Smoke poured through his lips as he spoke._

_“Okay Boss.” Benny nodded._

_“Everyone knows what they have to do?” Vaas confirmed as he walked out of the room._

_“Yeah, it’s all set up. All we have to do is fucking wait.”_

* * *

It felt like I’d just closed my eyes when the sound of the phone woke me up again. The ringtone wasn’t as shrill as the last phone’s had been but it still startled me anyway. I knocked the phone off the bed and fumbled around in the darkness for it. I was so ready for my hands to be free from their bonds.

“Hello? Vaas?” I asked with a groggy voice, trying to sound chipper.

“Hey Sirenita.” Vaas sounded even more tired than normal. Something must have happened.

“You sound tired.” I said after I cleared my throat.

“You’re one to fucking talk. Did I wake you up?” He asked.

“Yeah, but I’d just fallen asleep so it’s no big deal. What’s going on with you?” I dismissed his concern, he was obviously worse off than me.

“Nothing, just a fucking hiccup. It’s under control now.”

“You should get some sleep then.” I suggested.

“I can sleep when I’m dead. I want to hear about my sexy Eva’s day.” I liked it when he used my real name, but he did it rarely.

“Nothing really happened today. Other than my hands are almost fixed.” I smiled.

“I’ll have Carlos take you to the Doc’s tomorrow then.”

“Yes! Goodbye stitches! Goodbye splints!” I said excitedly. I wouldn’t bring up my concerns for Eka. It would only make him more determined to murder her.

“I might have a couple of surprises for you too.” He sounded seductive.

“Oh? What are they?” I was genuinely curious.

“They wouldn’t be fucking surprises if I told you.”

“Please? Pretty please??” I begged playfully.

“I’ll tell you about one, because it might not happen and I told you I’d fucking give you a heads up first.” He started to explain. “I might be coming back tomorrow. Depends on when my delivery shows up.”

“What time would you come at?” I was thinking about when I needed to make the cake.

“If it fucking happens I’ll be there by the time you get back from the Doc’s.”

“I hope so. If my hands get a clean bill of health, we can have a lot of fun.” I teased suggestively.

“You miss me already, Sirenita?” He chuckled.

“Yeah, I do.” I did. Whatever complications were unresolved, I did miss him.

“I miss you too. I can’t wait to feel you tight arou-” Someone shouting something I didn’t understand interrupted his saucy sentence.

“Is something wrong?” I asked.

“I’m sorry Eva. I have to go. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. I love you. Get some sleep.” He said after a minute.

“You should sleep too-” I managed to say before the line went dead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's song is "Evil Angel" by Breaking Benjamin. I thought it was fitting because of the line, "put me to sleep, evil angel." Also I just like that song. XD
> 
> Heads up! Future chapters are going to require more time and planning (because I have the game's timeline to deal with now) and I'm starting up work again. So I'm not going to have as much time to write as I did for the past few months. I might post new chapters as little as once a week. I'll try to post more frequently than that, but I can't guarantee it. Just to let you know.


	33. I Can't Sleep If You Can't Sleep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vaas is tired, Eva makes a deal to fix it. The cake is finally created before Eva heads off to the doctor's.

_Vaas had to admit he was tired, if only to himself. He could feel it behind his eyes._

_Jason had attacked the Medusa, sprung the first part of the trap. As far as he knew, it’d worked perfectly. Jason could be on his way to PC at any time, but it’d been hours since then._

_As Vaas stood outside the cave he noticed the sky to the east was getting lighter. The morning was coming. It made Vaas feel even more exhausted._

_His phone rang._

_“Hey, any news about that fuck? Is he dead or something?”_

_“Uhhh… No. Well, I don’t know. Maybe.” Eva said with a confused tone._

_“Shit.” His stomach lurched. He’d decided it was best that she didn’t know anything about his business. She couldn’t handle it, it’d only make her upset and hate him. He should always check who was calling before he just blurted out shit. He exhaled in frustration. “Are you alright, Sirenita? Something wrong?”_

_“Yes something’s wrong.” She said and he felt apprehension grow tense in his chest. “You aren’t asleep.”_

_He normally couldn’t wait to talk to her. Couldn’t wait to hear her speaking into his ear. Right now, his patience with Jason was running thin, and his patience for everything else was nill. He didn’t need a lecture on his lack of sleep, he felt it. But he couldn’t sleep while Jason might show up at any time._

_“Don’t nag me.” He said with no softness in his voice._

_“You are human, you need to sleep. I don’t know what’s going on but surely you could just tell one of your men to wake you up if something happens.”_

_“Why the fuck are you still up?” He changed up tactics._

_“I can’t sleep because you aren’t sleeping.”_

_“That’s bullshit.” His voice didn’t sound civil or humored. He was too tired to bother with it. “You sleep like the fucking dead. Just close your eyes Sirenita, you’ll sleep.”_

_“No. When you suffer, I suffer. That’s how this_ **_bullshit_ ** _works.” She sounded like her patience was running thin too._

_“I don’t have time for a fucking lecture right now.” He sighed wearily and squeezed the bridge of his nose._

_“I wish you were here. I’d make you sleep.” She said in frustration._

_He scoffed. “How the fuck would you do that.”_

_“Tie you to the bed.” Her tone blatantly shifted to sensuality._

_No matter how tired he felt or how angry he was, he was always in the mood for some sugar._

_“Tie me down, huh? I’d like to see that.” He chuckled. “But it wouldn’t be enough. I’d escape.”_

_“Oh, I’d wear you out too. You’d be too exhausted to escape.”_

_“I don’t know, Eva. I’ve got a lot of fucking energy.”_

_“I’d make you do most of the work. I’d start off slow, give you a good warm up. Then I’d tease the fuck out of you. Nothing is as exhausting as teasing.”_

_She was the queen of teasing, he had to admit._

_“You’d beg and plead for me, struggle to be free just to get your hands on me. But I wouldn’t stop. Not until you were covered in sweat and your body could hardly move.” Her voice was sultry and low. “Only then would I give you what you wanted.”_

_“What is that?” He asked with a smile._

_“Another chance…” She sounded sly. “To make me pregnant.”_

_The idea lit his nerves on fire and he couldn’t help but groan quietly._

_“I think you’d do anything for that.” She was being playful. “Even something as minute as sleeping.”_

_“What if it doesn’t go your way?” He whispered, low and dangerous. “What if I have you tied to the fucking bed? How would you get me to sleep then?”_

_He could hear her breath shudder over the line._

_“It wouldn’t be a problem.”_

_“You think you can outlast me? Huh?” He grinned at the thought._

_“Oh, I know I can.” She taunted._

_He was hard now, and his erection strained painfully confined in his pants. He walked into the cave, uncaring who noticed as he went._

_“You are_ **_so strong_ ** _, but I think I would be at an advantage. I wouldn’t be able to move, you’d have to do all the work. I could just sit back, relax and watch you drain yourself.”_

_“You wouldn’t be able to fucking relax. I’d make sure of that.” He’d reached the back room where Oliver and Liza were in cages._

_Benny had finished setting up the shitty screen made from trash. He was testing the projector. He looked up when Vaas came into the room. Vaas smiled, and whistled, pointing to the door._

_“I’m going to use my fingers on you. Make you writhe and cum over and over. You’ll be wiped out first. I fucking guarantee it.”_

_Benny gave him a thumbs up and an awkward smile as he left, closing the heavy door behind him._

_“I don’t think you’ll be able to help yourself, Vaas my love.” She was taunting him. He liked it when she was confident like this._

_He opened his fly letting his erection spring free with a quiet grunt._

_“See? You’re getting worked up already.” She teased._

_Vaas noticed Liza looking at him wide-eyed from her cage. His smile broadened. He stroked himself obscenely, pointedly showing her how big he was. Liza looked terrified. She huddled in the corner of her cage and covered her ears, hiding her face in her knees. Vaas laughed quietly. She worried that he’d come and force himself on her, no doubt. As if any other woman could tempt him now. Taking anyone else wouldn’t be enough. Only Eva was enough._

_“Oh? What are you going to fucking do to make me helpless?” He challenged her looking away from Liza’s cage._

_“Vaas! Oh God! I need it!” She sounded beautiful even when she was just pretending. “I need your thick cock so bad!”_

_“That wouldn’t be enough.” He said shakily as he increased the firmness of his grip and speed of his stroke._

_“You sound so convincing.” She scoffed._

_“Getting hard and being helpless aren’t the same fucking thing.” He countered._

_“I want to feel you finish inside me again! I need it so much! But if you did it today I’d end up pregnant for sure! It’s not a safe day! Oh no! What am I going to do??” Her tone was terse, mocking yet not in a cruel way. Still the words, for what they were, hit him like a truck._

_That would do it, he had to admit. If she said that to him he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from fucking her until he collapsed from the endeavor. Even now he was losing himself at the idea of going back to his fortress and making it their sexual banter prophetic._

_He could see her tied up, begging him, pleading, screaming with pleasure… being impregnated. As he imagined the look on her face as he came inside her, he burst apart. An orgasm slammed into him faster and harder than ever. A half strangled moan came from his mouth._

_“If you were tied up, or I was tied up. I still win.” She crowed over the sound of his orgasm and panting. “See? There’s no reason to fight the inevitable. You should just sleep already.”_

_“Impresionante... Pero no puedes resistirte para siempre. What then, Sirenita? I know your weaknesses too.”_

_“Doesn’t matter how much Spanish you whisper in my ear. Eventually you’ll sleep, my involvement or not. I’d rather it be sooner rather than later, though. Even if you won’t admit it, you_ **_are_ ** _suffering. You’d be able to handle things better if you were well rested. Including that mysterious thorn in your side you won’t tell me about.”_

_She was right and the orgasm had made him feel even more fatigued. Still, he couldn’t shake the thought of Jason coming around the corner at any moment. If he could only get that fucker under wraps he wouldn’t have to worry about Hoyt. Eva would stay safe._

_Once things with Jason were settled he’d gladly submit to whatever devices she envisioned to make him sleep. Until then he’d stay awake, as long as it took._

_“Fine.” She said in response to his silence. “Make me a deal then. If your ‘delivery’ isn’t there by the time I go to the doc’s you’ll come home and sleep. At least for a little while. One nap. That’s all I’m asking.”_

_“Fuck.” He sighed thinking it over. “It’s a fucking deal, if I get to tie you up later.”_

_There was a contemplative silence. He knew she didn’t like the idea of being entirely at his mercy. This would be the end of the argu-_

_“It’s a deal,” He hadn’t expected her to agree. His eyes were wide and his smile grew wickedly. “_ **_But_ ** _you only get to tie me up for an eighth of the amount of time you sleep. You sleep an hour, you get seven minutes. Payment due before service is rendered. Deal?”_

_She sounded so bossy and matter-of-fact. Like a lawyer._

_“I get to do whatever I want while you’re tied up.” He counter offered._

_“As long as you don’t harm me and we have a safe word.”_

_He was miffed. It felt like another sign that she didn’t trust him, not completely. He wasn’t sure how to change that._

_“I accept.” He said. Even if it wasn’t exactly what he wanted it was an opportunity of being with her more._

_“So we have a deal then. Don’t forget.” She reminded him._

_“How could I? My Sirenita will be all mine. That’s all I fucking need.”_

_“Y-Yes. Well, t-that’s- Ahem.” He grinned at how flustered she was. “That’s o-only if you sleep first.”_

_She was trying so hard to keep her unaffected confidence. He couldn’t have that._

_“I can’t wait to put my mouth on your body. Your neck. Your chest. Every fucking place. And I’m not going to stop until you cum over and over, screaming my name so the whole fucking island can hear.”_

_He could hear her breathing hard, but she didn’t say anything. Her cheeks must be bright red._

_“I-In case-” She was trying so hard to sound calm. Her voice was low and soft, like she was out of breath. “In case you get here before me tomorrow, your surprise will be waiting on the counter.”_

_“I can’t fucking wait, Eva.” He said trying to sound sexual and dangerous._

_“I’d better l-let you go then.” She said after a moment of silence. “See you tomorrow.”_

_“Goodnight. Sweet dreams.”_

_“I love you.” She said in a breathless whisper._

_“I love you more.”_

_He hung up on the phone and went about cleaning himself up, uncaring who knew what he’d just done._

_He could see Liza was staring at him again. Disgusted and judgemental. He walked over to her cage and her face changed to one of terror. She pushed herself as far from the cage door as she could._

_“Do you want something? Hmm? Do you have something to say?” He shook the cage door to make her jump._

_“That poor girl.” She whispered looking at him with fear. “You must have done something horrible to her.”_

_“The fuck are you talking about?” He questioned angrily._

_“That girl you were talking to.” She looked a little less afraid seeing him getting worked up over it. “What did you have to do to her to make her get you off like that?”_

_He didn’t like the implication that she was getting at. The glare forming in her eyes pissed him off too._

_“I’m sorry. Was that a man you were talking to? I couldn’t hear them.” She played it straight faced but smiled when Vaas gave her a hard, infuriated look._

_He should have known better. Everyone was geared to take advantage of weaknesses. Even prisoners in cages would get cocky if they saw vulnerability. He should have found another place to talk to Eva._

_“You got a mouth on you. I think I’ll show my pirates. They’d like to see all the fucking filth that can come out of your pretty mouth. What do you say Liza?” Her face was fearful again and she shook her head adamantly. “No? I’m sorry. What was that?”_

_He walked around and reached through the cage, gripping her cheeks tightly in his hand and pulling her close to the bars. She whimpered and huffed trying to pull her face away._

_“I’m sorry. Don’t do it!” She cried and he let her face go once her tears touched his fingertips._

_Vaas reached for his radio._

_“Benny. We have a problem.”_

_“Yeah boss?” Benny responded._

_“I think that these cages aren’t good enough for our actress and her rich cocksucking friend. I think they need some hotel accommodations. We’re gonna move them sooner than planned.”_

_“We're gonna move them now?”_ _  
__  
__“No time like the fucking present, Benjamin.” Vaas said smiling cruelly down at Liza who said nothing, and only stared in terror._

_Vaas put his radio back on his belt and walked back toward the heavy metal door when his phone rang. He checked the number this time. It worried him a bit, ending the conversation on a good note hadn't always meant she was happy. Maybe Carlos was calling to tell him she'd run again, terrified at the idea of being tied up by him._

_“What’s up man? Are things good?” He asked confidently, despite his worries._

_“Nada está mal.” He said simply and Vaas relaxed a bit._

_“You got the package then, hermano?”_

_“Si, Jefe.” Carlos sounded more monotone than normal. Something was eating him._

_“Good, give it to her once the doc is done.”_

_“I will.”_

_There was a long awkward silence between them._

_“What the fuck is wrong man?” Vaas didn’t have the patience for this shit._

_“Necesitamos hablar...”_

* * *

I pulled the cake out of the oven and I could already see it was perfect. I sighed with a happy grin on my face. I removed the cake from the pan and set it on the cooling rack.

I’d done it completely free of assistance.

It smelled so good. I might have been bias however, I’d been making cake since sunrise and I hadn’t eaten anything. I was hungry. Luckily there was a plethora of cake that didn’t make the cut.

“You did it really good!” Eka smiled, seemingly unbothered by my improvement like she had before.

“Thanks.” Hand me a piece of that cake. I pointed to one of the imperfect ones and she cut a slice and handed it to me.

The chocolaty goodness wasn’t wasted on me. Even as subpar as this cake was it was still pretty fucking good. I hummed my approval as I ate. It was probably a good thing there was cake leftover. The pirates could smell the cake and would want some. If they got their wish, they’d be more likely not to break into Vaas’s place and steal the cake meant just for him.

Carlos stepped through the door.

“They want some?” I said before he could ask. He nodded.

“This can be for them.” I said and Eka started putting the five flawed cakes on plates to give them.

“Make sure they don’t eat this one.” I pointed at the cake on the rack reverently. “If they eat it or ruin it, even a little bit, I’ll fucking kill them.” 

I doubted that Carlos thought it was much of a threat. I was serious though. I was tired and in no mood to suffer fools. Carlos acknowledged the threat lightly and he and Eka took the cake out to the pirates. I heard someone cheer before the door closed.

I sighed. I was so tired. I had tried to sleep after I got off the phone but I couldn’t. I kept thinking about how crazy I was and what I’d gotten myself into. Again. I needed to stop this weird compulsion to make deals, especially when I wasn't sure I could handled what the deal entailed. But it was too late now. I just wanted him to take care of himself so much, and unfortunately it seemed like the only surefire way to motivate him involved sensuality.

I walked to the closet and looked for something to wear that wasn’t covered in flour. I pulled together some jeans and a charcoal colored t-shirt that said, “Fendi” across it into an outfit and changed clothes.

I went to the bathroom and brushed my teeth and combed through my messy hair. Once I was sure I looked more like a human than a rabid animal I went into the living room and sat on the couch.

* * *

“Wake up, Eva.” I jerked upright at the sound of Eka’s voice. “Carlos is going to take you to the colonialist.”

Had I fallen asleep? I didn’t recall even starting to nod off. I rubbed my eyes and got to my feet. I was wearing sneakers, I looked at them suspiciously for a moment before surmising that Eka must have put them there.

Carlos was standing in the doorway, normally he looked like he was irritated whenever he was forced to perform some sort of chore or errand that involved me, but this time he had a slight smile.

“You ready to go?” He asked cheerfully.

I narrowed my eyes and checked to see if the cake was still on the counter, unharmed and perfect. It was. I nodded at him, still feeling exhausted.

“How long was I out for?” I asked no one in particular. 

“A couple hours.” Eka said, smiling at Carlos.

She didn’t look upset that I was leaving without her. She didn’t look anxious. I felt like the two of them were leaving me out of the loop on something. I tried to curb my paranoia.

“Are we going or what?” I asked impatiently.

Carlos moved out of the doorway politely for me and I walked out into the warehouse.

I heard clapping. I looked up to see Odane giving me applause with a genuine smile.

“You're gonna play cards with us when you get back. I want to see how you rat fuck.” He said like we were friends. 

Other pirates started clapping too, some cheered. 

“Ten to one she kicks your ass.” Luis grinned looking at Odane.

I smiled awkwardly at them. I didn’t know how I was supposed to handle this. I supposed that it would have been encouraging if it wasn’t out of the blue. I didn’t like that I didn’t seem to understand the situation. They all were fucking pissed off with me before, what happened? Had the cake suddenly won them over? Was I really sleeping and this was all just a dream?

I waved as Carlos and I walked out of the warehouse, and again as I left the fortress gates.

“What the fuck was that about?” I asked Carlos once I’d stepped in the boat.

“They’re happy for you.” He said it like it was no big deal. “You can use your hands again, that’s good news, right?”

I must have been dreaming. I never thought that Carlos was a thinker, but I didn’t think he was this dense, especially not when it came to Eka’s safety.

“I thought that they hated me for running.” I said quietly as Carlos started the boat up.

“Nah, just pissed their night was ruined. They think you’re fucking brave, standing up for yourself and for other people. They love that fucking game too. Then there’s all that fucking cake...” He said speeding off along the coast. I didn’t know if it was a compliment to my bravery or Vaas’s intimidation. And it didn't answer any other questions, particularly why he and Eka seemed happy. Maybe they'd had a good night... I didn't want to know so I didn't ask.

I clung to the edge of the boat, trying not to feel sick again. After a few minutes, it was greatly apparent a miraculous recovery from motion sickness wasn’t in the cards. I vomited over the edge of the boat. I wondered how many times I would take this trip and how long it would take for the water to be more vomit than water. I was so sick of throwing up.

“¿Estás bien?” Carlos sounded like he was asking a question.

“I don’t know Spanish.” I sounded more annoyed than I was. I spit out more vomit taste from my mouth.

“Are you okay?” He repeated in English.

“Not until I get on solid ground again.” I said finally sitting back against the edge of the boat. The wave of nausea was over for now. “How much longer?”

“Half hour maybe?” Carlos shrugged.

“Is that all?” I said sarcastically.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's song is "I Can't Sleep" by Nina Chuba and "If You Can't Sleep" by Helena Josefsson. That's right! Two songs! One from Vaas to Eva and the other from Eva to Vaas. And the titles smoosh together into a usable sentence. :D So cool! I thought it was at least.
> 
> I was more interested in getting the chapter out quickly than in editing it I'm afraid. Please bear with any mistakes. 
> 
> I'm almost done with the next chapter, I might be able to get it out as soon as tomorrow. Well, if I'm lucky and nothing unexpected happens. ^_^;
> 
> Thanks for your patience as I'm dealing with work again. You guys are awesome. :)


	34. Bitter Pill

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The shit hath hit-eth the fan...eth."  
> \- Michael Eckman "10 Things I Hate About You"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The good news is that I was able to put out a chapter today like I promised. The bad news is...

“Ah has it been two weeks already?” The doctor smiled as Carlos and I walked into his kitchen. “You look as radiant as ever.”

“Thanks.” I felt like I was still bright green from the trip over. I supposed that could be a form of radiance.

“How have you been my dear?” He asked ushering me toward the living room. He began clearing a stack of books off an armchair by the window.

“Okay, I guess. All things considered, my life could be worse.” I tried to smile, I probably looked more like I had indigestion. “How have you been?”

“I’ve been better, I’ve also been worse.” He said as I sat in the chair. 

“That’s almost good to hear.” I smirked. It took him a moment to get the joke and he smiled.

“You can wait outside. I assure you she’s in good hands.” He turned to Carlos who had been standing with his arms folded menacingly watching over us.

“Good one.” I said and the doctor looked at me strangely. “Good hands.” I smiled showing him my hands.

“Oh yes. I see.” He laughed nervously, keeping an eye on Carlos as he walked outside rolling his eyes at our bad jokes.

The doctor looked anxious. Shallowing hard, the lightest sheen of sweat on his brow. Something was going on with him.

“Are you alright?” I asked.

“Y-Yes I’m fine.” He swallowed thickly and glanced at me. His eyes were bloodshot and glossy, his face was pale. “Just testing out a new product, it needs some work.”

I supposed that answered my question. Though I felt like something more was going on.

“Let’s have a look at those hands.” He said with a smile trying to cover up his disquiet. He took my broken hand in his trembling, cold fingers and pried the splints off a finger at a time. He moved them around and bent them at the knuckles. Then once they were all off he asked me to flex them and make a fist. It felt good to move them so freely.

“That’s very good. No pain?” He smiled.

“None.” I answered with a smile.

“You should still take care not to strain them. A month should do.” He said, already unwinding the bandage on my other hand.

I watched as he pulled the last of it away and appraised my hand. I wanted my hands back completely, stitches out bandages and splints gone forever. Though I appreciated her effort, I was so tired of being like a living baby doll that Eka had to care for. I missed and needed my independence returned to me. The doctor could give it, if the stitches I ripped out hadn’t caused too much trouble.

“Oh dear. You’ve torn through a couple of sutures. That, I suppose, should have been expected. You live quite a dire existence being Vaas’s mate, I’d imagine.”

“Sorry, I was careless. Is it going to be a problem? Do I have to leave the stitches in longer?”

He squinted at my hand, pulling his glasses on to his nose, examining the damage.

“No. The scar I’d hoped would be thin and small will have a jagged end near your thumb. Other than that, I see no reason I can’t pull the stitches out today. They seemed to have served their purpose well enough.”

“Awesome! Thanks doctor- Uh.” I suddenly realized that I didn’t know his name. “I’m so sorry, I don’t know your name.”

“Dr. Alec Earnhardt, at your service.” He smiled, seeming to relax a little. “I’d imagine your name isn’t ‘Sirenita’ as Vaas is so fond of calling you.”

“You imagine right. It’s Eva.” I smiled.

“Enchanted, Eva. I’m going to get some things and then I’ll free you from the menace of those stitches.” His posture was more relaxed and he walked to the kitchen, swaying a bit as he did.

He was high on something, but I doubted it made him nervous. Likely it was helping subdue his nervousness. He’d been a bit nervous before too, not wanting Vaas to be in the room while I was being stitched up. I couldn’t blame him for his apprehension, if he had it.

“Here we are.” He pulled a stool over to the chair I was sitting at and opened a worn leather doctor’s bag that I remembered from before. He fumbled around inside until he pulled some scissors and tweezers out as well as various other supplies.

“I should warn you, hands are sensitive. This may be terribly uncomfortable. Possibly painful. Would you like something to help you through?”

“No.” I shook my head.

“Still determined to persevere unaided I see.” He smiled and patted my knee reassuringly. “Very well, show me your hand and we’ll soldier on.”

I held my hand out to him and he cleaned over the stitches with a bit of gauze and alcohol. I turned my head away as he began cutting the first stitch. He tugged it and I felt a bit of a sharp, tugging sensation, but it was over quickly. It wasn’t long before all the stitches were removed and he was putting some weird adhesive strips over the cut.

“Let these fall off on their own.” He said sternly before letting me have my hand back. “There you are, Eva. They aren’t fully healed, and you’ll have to be careful, but you can use your hands again.”

I smiled and felt over my palm and fingers with a beaming grin.

“Thank you so much!” I smiled excitedly.

“You can call your bodyguard back in if you like.” Alec said looking at the kitchen door. “He looks rather anxious to come back inside.”

I looked over and saw Carlos peering inside through the light on the kitchen door like he was trying to see if anyone was home. I stood up and walked into the kitchen. When Carlos spotted me he pushed the door open and came inside. In his hand was a small box.

“You good? Your hands, are they alright?” Carlos asked quickly.

“Yes…” I furrowed my brow.

“Here. It’s from Vaas.” He said and shoved the little box into my hands.

I gave a half smile. Vaas said that he was going to give me a surprise. As common as a little cardboard box was, it was surprising. Dr. Earnhardt stood up and walked into the kitchen looking over the situation with a faintly amused and stoned eye.

“Thanks.” I said woodenly and began to pull the box open.

Inside were some foam peanuts, I carefully dug into the box, worried about what I might find inside it. I thought about the traditional, “finger of your loved one”, gimmick that kidnappers favored. The box would be the right size for something like that. When my fingertips connected with something hard I jolted in surprise. It felt smooth and wooden. I grasped around it and pulled it free of the package.

Another box, made of some exotic looking wood, and smaller than the box it came from, rested in my palm. It was the right size for a ring box. My heart started hammering excitedly.

I opened it and there was a ring inside.

It was silver in color. The band was thin and in the form of two mermaids, their hands reaching together to form a setting that contained a small black pearl. I was speechless.

“Look inside. There’s some words.” Carlos smiled at me.

I pulled the ring free of the box and looked at the thin band, indeed, there were some words.

“Seré tuya para siempre, mi Sirenita ♡ Vaas” was engraved very finely along the inside of the band.

“What does it mean?” I asked Carlos.

“Ask him later.” He said.

I looked at the ring again. It must have been custom made. He must have ordered it a long time ago to get it here now. I slipped it on my ring finger and was surprised to find it fit quite well.

“Does it fit?” Carlos asked.

“Yeah, surprisingly.” I said quietly. How did he know my ring size?

“Good.” Carlos said and walked out of the house again. As I marveled at the ring, he lit up a cigarette and leaned against the house.

“Looks like you got a nice surprise. I presume that means your troubles with Vaas are resolved. No more dreams? No more intense bouts of passion?”

I felt emotional and like I was a step or two away from tears. I never really wore jewelry or rings. They seemed like a hassle. This ring was just a stupid... beautiful, amazing gesture.

“So you’re off then?” He smiled, pouring himself a cup of tea.

“Yes. I suppose.” I said admiring the ring like a magpie.

“No. Wait.” I said remembering there were other things I wanted to talk to him about.

“What?” He halted taking a sip and looked at me expectantly.

“I have some other concerns. First of which is my fainting problem.” I said, forcing my eyes off the ring to look Dr. Earnhardt in the eye. “Is there anything I can do to stop it?”

“Troublesome on this island, fainting at the sight of blood… There is something you can try but it might not work for a while or at all.” He set his cup down and leaned on the edge of a wide washing basin filled with dishes.

“What is it?” I asked taking a seat at the kitchen table.

“You tense up all your muscles, particularly in your extremities. Trying to keep the blood pressure up. It might not work however. You have to realize you’re going to faint just as you are fainting, if not before. Other than that, the only way is to avoid the sight of blood I’m afraid.” He expressed condolences.

“Just tightening my muscles?”

“As hard as you can. As quick as you can.” He tightened his own fist to demonstrate. “No telling if it’ll work. Better than nothing I suppose.”

“Thanks.” I nodded, flexing my hands.

“Don’t hurt your hands trying it out.” He warned with a smile. I nodded again. “Was there anything else?”

“Motion sickness.” I said. “Is there anything I can do about it?”

“Yes, actually.” He smiled and started moving toward the kitchen door. “I have that problem myself. I’ll whip you up something that’ll help, if you don’t mind waiting a bit longer.”

“No. I don’t mind. Believe me. I’m so tired of vomiting almost immediately after I step foot on a boat. I’d wait days for some relief.” I smiled and shook my head.

“Thankfully it’s only a matter of minutes.” Alec said as he exited the house and turned to the left. I stood and followed him into the greenhouse. 

The temperature rose once I stepped inside. There were raised beds with various exotic looking plants and fungi as well as laboratory equipment on a table nearby.

“You have my sympathy.” He said as he took some clippers to one of the plants. “The misery of motion sickness is interminable, especially here where half the vehicles are water bound.”

“You aren’t kidding. Where Vaas has me staying, there is no other way to get around. It’s a boat or nothing.” I looked over a few bowls with pills in them. They almost looked like candy with how big and colorful they were.

Alec took a few more cuttings and samples around the greenhouse.

“The last time I was here you mentioned that you thought Vaas already had a soulmate.” I began. The doctor froze and looked at me with uneasiness. “Could you tell me why? I know you fear Vaas’s retribution, but I swear I won’t speak of it. Besides, I think he’ll be more pleased with you for helping me than anything.”

Alec looked at the plants in his hand and slowly placed them into a mortar. He leaned against the table and looked like he was deciding something.

“I was under the impression that he’d murdered his soulmate.” He said looking at me with concern. “The pirates come here for my wares. They often talk. Rumors, speculation, impressive and exaggerated tales mostly. They tell stories about that man. Things I won’t recount to you in detail or at all.”

He took the pestle and began to grind the plant samples together.

“One of the tales was that he had slit the throat of his soulmate the moment he met her.” Alec’s voice was a bit shaky as he recalled what he’d heard. “Couldn’t be tied down to dead weight, I believe that was the expression.”

“That wasn’t true. Obviously. You only get one soulmate.” I dismissed it outright.

“True. Though I believe that the reason this rumor came to be was because of Hoyt.”

“So he lied about Vaas to make him seem more intimidating. That’s not anything to be upset about.” I was flippant.

“No. Hoyt didn’t spread the rumor. Hoyt killed his soulmate, word is he keeps one of her fingers in his pocket. I assumed Vaas had done the same, I didn’t have a reason not to.”

I felt ill at the thought. Hoyt… What a motherfucking piece of work. 

“Thanks for telling me.” I said with a frown. The doctor nodded and went back to his work. 

The silence was as thick as the heat made the air in the greenhouse feel. Awkwardly, I went back to looking about under the guise of curiosity. 

After a moment, I came across a calendar sitting on a table. There were appointments written down in pencil, days crossed out as they passed. I noticed that the month was right, but I wasn’t sure about the year. If it was the right year Alec might have been off on the date.

“Is this calendar right?” I asked, turning toward him. He was scooping his mixture into capsules but he paused and looked over at me.

“Yes. It’s correct.” He said, quickly returning to his work.

“It can’t be.” I scoffed.

“No I assure you. My reliance on it is a matter of survival. Being late on batches can be hazardous to my health, and I’m not the best at remembering… Well, much at all. I keep that calendar up to date because I must.”

My eyes began to water and I wiped the moisture away with my fingers.

“Are you absolutely sure?” I asked, starting to feel lightheaded. “No possibility of a mistake?”

I knew it didn’t matter. The degree of mistake would have to be off by a week for my accounting of the days to be correct. Still I hoped he was very very wrong.

“Nothing’s impossible my dear. Though I do my best to make sure that calendar is an exception.” He smiled. “There. I’ve finished with the medication.”

I tried to force my lips to smile despite it all and took a step toward him when the greenhouse suddenly spun around me and I fell through the floor into blackness.

* * *

When I came to I was back in the living room chair and Carlos was holding my legs up with a scowl on his face.

“It’s terribly warm in that greenhouse you should have said something.” Doctor Earnhardt said, feeling my forehead.

It took a minute to remember why I’d fainted and it wasn’t the heat.

“GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF ME!!” I screamed at Carlos, kicking my legs out of his arms.

He looked at me with annoyance and rolled his eyes.

“Who the fuck even knows anymore.” He murmured as he went outside.

Alec looked at me with shock. 

“Is everything alright?” He asked quietly.

“No.” I sobbed as tears rolled down my face. “This is the worst thing that could happen.”

“What do you mean?” He furrowed his brow and looked at me with concern.

“I’m late.” I admitted, weeping harder and curling against the arm of the chair miserably. That fucking calendar, how could I have forgotten?

“I see.” He stood up looking shaken. “I think I’m going to need another dose.”

“Please.” I quickly grabbed his wrist before he could leave. “What do I do?”

I sounded pathetic and I couldn’t stand it, but Alec looked at me kindly and sat back down. He took my hand into his reassuringly.

“You know, irregularity is common. Especially when you are under duress.” He smiled. “It could be nothing.”

“How do I know for sure? Do you have a test?” I looked at him intensely. I needed to know, somehow I needed an official answer.

“I could do a blood test. It’d take a few hours. I don’t know if you can wait that long.” He looked off into the distance like he was lost in thought.

“I’d wait as long as it takes.” I declared.

I felt sick to my stomach. Then panicked that it might actually be morning sickness which made the feeling worse.

“Do you have a bathroom?” I asked and he nodded, directing me to a nearby door. I got out of the chair and stumbled to the bathroom. I was pleased to see it wasn’t disgusting. I knelt by the toilet waiting in case I would puke.

How had I lost track of the time so badly? Why was I so stupid? I should have been more careful. I shouldn’t have let Vaas lay a finger on me without wearing a fucking a condom. I should have demanded it. To hell with trying to be understanding and affectionate. I should have done something to stop this from happening. Why hadn’t I taken it more seriously?

More tears fell from my eyes into the toilet water. The nausea was subsiding.

“Have you given any thought to what you’ll do if the test is positive?” Alec asked very quietly and somberly from the doorway.

I looked at him with considerable wretchedness.

“I don’t know.” I barely managed to say through the sobs.

My crying reached a fever pitch. I couldn’t speak intelligibly. My thoughts were a hurricane of what ifs and doom’s day scenarios.

What would I do if the test was positive? How could I fix this? There was an obvious answer but I didn’t think I could do it. I didn’t think I could do that to Vaas. Even if I terminated and didn’t tell him, I knew I couldn’t hold on to that guilt in silence. How could I face him again if I did that? I didn’t want the weight of it holding me under. What could I do?

“Come on now. Sit down. We’ll have a cup of tea, I’ll take some blood and we’ll see if there’s anything to fret about. There’s no reason to torment yourself needlessly.” Doctor Earnhardt helped me to my feet and led me back to the living room chair. “Just breathe as slowly and deeply as you can. I’ll return shortly.”

I nodded absentmindedly, staring through the stained glass windows holding back a torrent tide of emotion as best I could. I tried to breathe calmly, but as I exhaled I would shake. 

I tried not to think about it, but how could I not? I’d have to go back to Vaas eventually. What would I say? “Oh, by the way, that thing you wanted to happen, that I absolutely didn’t want to happen; happened. Now I want to jump into the sea and swim away from this place, until I can’t swim anymore.”

I couldn’t tell him. If he knew he’d lock me up. Especially because I already told him I was terrified and I’d run before. He’d assume I’d run again, and honestly running seemed appealing.

“You’re going to feel a pinch.” Alec said and I didn’t acknowledge him. I didn’t even notice him come back with the cup of tea now sitting atop the stack of books beside the chair. I didn’t notice him wipe the crook of my arm with alcohol either.

I barely felt the pinch as he started drawing blood. I thought about looking, fainting again and again until the darkness took permanent hold.

“There we are.” He said as he hid the vial from my view and pressed gauze into the crook of my arm and bent it. “Keep your arm like that for a bit.” He stood and walked toward the kitchen again.

“Maybe you should get some fresh air.” He said, stepping back to me. “There’s a gazebo outside with a lovely view. It might help.”

I nodded once. He gave me a smile and went to the greenhouse. I stood and walked outside like I was a zombie.

“What the fuck is wrong with you now?” Carlos asked, no doubt confused at my disheveled and overly-distressed state.

I ignored him and continued on to the gazebo.

The view was lovely, or it would have been if I cared. I didn’t. Not right then.

I didn’t want to die, and this felt like a death sentence. I wanted to blame Vaas because I knew he’d be happy about this. But I couldn’t, not entirely. I knew better. I had opportunities to prevent it, and I ignored them. At least I ignored them until it was too late. I had been fretting about for the past two weeks, but it probably happened the first time we were together. That kind of fucked up irony was the story of my life. It didn’t matter did it? It was too late.

I hadn’t missed my mother or Fiona as much as I did right then. They’d know what I should do. They’d comfort me, support me; but I was alone. I felt so homesick and on the verge of tears again.

It was late afternoon when I was pulled from my thoughts by my phone ringing. I answered it without thinking.

“Hello.” My voice was hoarse.

“Are you dying on me?” Vaas joked.

I lurched at the sound of his voice. What should I say? I turned and looked back toward the house. I could see Carlos smoking on the stoop and Alec studying something in the greenhouse. Neither person could put words in my mouth that would fix this.

“I’m fine.” I said, trying to sound happy.

“You’re still at the doc’s?” He asked.

“Yeah.”

“Did you get your hands fixed?”

“Yeah.” I cleared my throat.

“Did you get your surprise?” He asked coyly.

I looked at the ring on my finger and felt a sense of dread.

“It’s beautiful.” My voice broke a bit, and a rogue tear escaped down my cheek.

“Don’t cry.” He said quietly. “I don’t want you to cry.”

I couldn’t figure out a way that I could respond without crying harder so I did my best to be silent.

“Sirenita? You fucking there?” I could tell he was on to the fact that something was wrong.

“Mmhmm.” I answered with a hum, still trying to hide my emotional upheaval. 

“What’s wrong?” He asked point blank.

“Nothing.” I tried to speak again, but I sounded like I was upset.

“Don’t lie to me. What the fuck is wrong?” He demanded loudly.

I heard a whimper in the background and realized that he was back at the fortress, and that Eka was in close proximity.

“Is Eka okay?” I asked, trying to change the subject.

“She’s fucking fine. I don’t care about her. What is happening with you?” He said.

I heard Eka whimper again.

“What are you doing to Eka?” I asked almost hysterically, remembering that Eka’s usefulness was up.

“Don’t worry about the puta. You don’t have to fucking worry about her anymore.” He said, sounding greatly annoyed.

“Please, Vaas. Don’t hurt her. Please. Just leave her alone.” I begged, crying. I felt like I would be crushed if anything happened to Eka. I couldn’t handle her death, not now, not ever.

There was silence, dangerous silence. Then I heard Eka cry out in terror.

“You gonna level with me? Do you have feelings for this little bitch?” Vaas had that dangerous tone in his voice, like he’d let the rage loose at any moment. “You’re so fucking worried about her that you can’t answer a simple fucking question?”

“Please. I’m sorry. I can’t tell you, not right now.” I tried to reason with him.

“You can’t tell me how you fucking feel about her?! Or you can’t tell me why you’re fucking crying?!” He shouted. “Or is it that you feel so fucking much for her that you’re crying??”

I was fucking this up. He was going to kill her and it’d be my fault too. I had to think of something.

“Don’t hurt her.” I said in a low tone. “I’ll make you regret it.”

“How the fuck are you going to do that?” I heard Eka sob. “You aren’t here to stop me. Just answer my fucking questions.”

“If you hurt her, I’ll run.” I threatened him with the only thing that I could.

I heard manic, scoffing laughter.

“You tried that before. It didn’t work, it’s not going to work this time.” He didn’t sound as certain as he probably wanted to.

“I’m not locked behind fortress walls or surrounded by fifty pirates.” I reminded him, gaining a bit of steadiness to my voice. “There’s no one here to stop me.”

“Sirenita…” He was quiet but his voice was still fearsome.

“If you kill her, you lose me. Her or me. It’s simple.” I swallowed hard.

“You won’t leave. You can’t. You need me.” He almost sounded like he was trying to reassure himself.

“Are you going to take that risk?” I warned him.

“There is no risk. We’re on a fucking island. Where the fuck are you going to go?” His confidence was back full force.

I felt like I’d just lost, when I remembered what Alec was testing for as we spoke. I could tell him, threaten him with the unthinkable if he didn’t let Eka live…

No. That’s what Citra would do. This was between him and I and that’s where I’d keep it.

“I don’t have to go anywhere.” My voice trembled again. “You remember where the Doctor’s house is don’t you?” 

“Of course I fucking do.”

“All the way up on that cliff. All I have to do is step in the wrong direction and I’m gone.”

I didn’t have any intention of dying, but he didn’t need to know that. There was silence, as he contemplated what I meant.

“You wouldn’t.” He said, all brash bravado was drained from his voice. He sounded small and hurt. I felt sick with guilt. “You wouldn’t kill yourself over this piece of shit. You wouldn’t leave me al-”

“I’ll do what I have to to save her!” I screamed. “How many people are going to die today?? Two or none??”

“Eva. Listen to me. Really fucking listen.” He said, trying to be calm, his tone was too rough though. “This doesn’t have to be this way. You are overreacting-”

“You’ve pushed us to this fucking point! Always pushing me to extremes!” I contended. “Are you going to kill Eka or are you going to keep me? Her or me. Make your fucking choice, Vaas.”

I hung up the phone hoping that I’d bought Eka some time. Hoping that Vaas would be so mad with worry for me that he’d leave her alone. He was probably calling Benny for a helicopter while I was thinking about it.

Time was short. I needed to plan my next move. Figure out how to get back to the fortress, save her without being caught or detected by Vaas’s men. How?

I heard ringing. The familiar shrill ringing my old, shattered phone had. My eyes widened with distress as I looked over at Carlos who was putting the phone to his ear. I'd forgotten about him.

I panicked. If I told Carlos about what happened he might be on my side, but Vaas would have probably taken that into account. I couldn’t risk Eka’s life on it. I broke out into a sprint. Rushing across the wooden bridge that spans the pond in Doctor Earnhardt’s front yard. 

Carlos shouted after me. I headed toward the trail that led down the hill. There was a parked Scavenger near the gate, if I could reach it before Carlos caught me I’d have a chance.

I ran full tilt, almost stumbling on rocks and the steepness of the trail as I descended. I didn’t slow down until I was a few feet away from the car and ended up slamming into the door. I recovered quickly and opened the door, hauling myself into the driver’s seat. The keys were in the ignition and twisted them, trying to turn the engine.

I was surprised to see that I had gotten such a head start on Carlos, but the precious time I’d gathered was slipping away as he rushed faster. The car sounded like it was so close to starting. I tapped the pedal as I tried to start it and at last it rumbled to life. I slammed into reverse and pressed the gas. I started making some distance on Carlos as I backed away, but my steering was a bit wild and I almost went over the edge. I stopped and shifted into first, but as I let off the clutch and pressed on the gas the engine stalled.

I cursed again and frantically turned the key. I stomped the gas trying to get it to work. Carlos was almost on me when the engine engaged. I attempted to shift into first again. I managed to make the gas and clutch obey me this time and the car lurched forward. 

“Stop right now.” Carlos shouted as he climbed over the tailgate toward me. He’d managed to get on.

“You don’t understand!” I tried to explain knowing that it didn’t look good. “He’s going to hurt her!”

“Pull the fuck over!” He shouted, jumping into the front passenger seat and wrenching the wheel from me.

I shifted into second and then third, pushing the pedal to the floor. We were speeding down the hill toward the beach and the ocean. I fought for control and Carlos tried to kick my foot off the gas. He managed to do it and I almost fell out of the car. He grabbed me to save me but the wheel jerked to the left and we went careening into a sand dune.

The Scavenger hissed and smoked. I winced at the pain in my side where it hit the steering wheel when we crashed, there would be a bruise. At least. Carlos seemed to be perfectly fine. He was out of breath and covered in fine, white sand like I was, but he didn’t look hurt. He quickly laid a hold of me.

“Why the fuck did you run?” He shouted angrily, tugging me up by my shirt.

“I had to save her.” I was crying again. God I hated crying.

“Who?”

“Eka. V-Vaas, he’s going to kill her!” I said it quickly. “Please we have to save her!”

Carlos let go of me and sat back in his seat. He looked bewildered and amazed. Like he’d just heard something he didn’t believe.

“Please, Vaas will look for me. You have time to save her.” I offered.

Carlos looked at me with a worried expression.

“No. There’s only one way this’ll fucking work.” He said, reaching into the back of the car.

He quickly grabbed my hands and began tying them up with the rope he’d found. I tried to pull my hands away.

“What the fuck are you doing??”

“We’re going to trade. Vaas wants you. He’ll give me anything I want to get you back. He’ll give me Eka.” He said, tying the rope painfully tight around my wrists.

I knew he was right. This was a way of getting Eka safe, but something felt wrong about it. 

He dragged me out of the car roughly. He pulled his gun out and shoved me forward toward the road.

“I’ll walk, just stop being a dick.” I hissed at him.

“I don’t think you understand.” Carlos cocked his pistol and aimed it at me. “If Vaas kills her, I’ll end you.”

His face was serious. Deadly serious. The dread grew in my chest and I turned and walked toward the road obediently.

I was praying that Vaas wouldn’t kill Eka, for both our sakes.

Once we were on the road we could hear a vehicle coming. It appeared around a corner and suddenly stopped. I thought it was weird.

“Fucking finally.” Carlos waved at the car. “Hey! Come here!”

The sun was setting and the light was getting bad. I could see what looked like a man getting out of the car. He suddenly lifted his arm. I could see a gun. He was leveling it at us.

“GUN!!” I shouted, diving out of the way a split second before a gunshot rang through the air. I tumbled over unsure if I’d been shot. I heard an agonized groan. I looked over at Carlos. His pistol was a few feet away and he was on his back, clutching his shoulder. I looked toward the shooter. He hopped back in his vehicle and drove toward us stopping a short distance away. There was no place to run. There was no cover. Just an open beach on one side of the road, and a steep bank on the other.

The man hopped out of the car and walked around toward Carlos. He was wearing a Hawaiian shirt, left completely unbuttoned and a pair of low rise jeans. He was smiling down gleefully at Carlos who moaned again as he tried to reach for his pistol.

“Thanks for doing all the hard work for me.” The man spoke with an Australian accent. “I would have done it better, but I won’t look a gift horse in the mouth.”

The man pulled a pistol from behind his back and shot Carlos in the face before I even knew what was what.

I flinched, looking away and choking on a sob.

“That’s that.” The man said with a sigh and walked toward me. I tried to crawl away from him but he pulled me up on my feet with surprising strength. “There. That’s not so fucking bad, is it?”

His joviality in the face of murder could rival Vaas’s. This was very bad, but I didn’t dare run. I didn’t know anything about this man. Other than his poor taste in tattoos and disregard for human life.

“Get in the car.” He said as he put the gun away. I hesitated. “I said get in the bloody car!”

I was shaking but I moved toward the car slowly. I looked around for anything that could help, or save me. Some sort of means of escape. Then I caught sight of the bloody mess that was once Carlos’s face. I felt my head swim and I tried to tense everything like Alec had told me but I wasn’t winning the fight. I slumped to my knees and leaned my head against the car door trying to stay conscious. The control over my body slipped away and I was lost.

“Well, that’s fucking nuisance.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's song is "Bitter Pill" by Christian Kuria.
> 
> In my rush to get it out, I probably made a lot of mistakes. I'll have to fix them later.
> 
> I'm might be tweaking things as we go along, so stuff might change.
> 
> And...
> 
> Please don't hate meeeeee! T_T


	35. ICH TU DIR WEH

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vaas tries to find Eva. Buck shows Eva one of his talents. Deals are made and carried out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I'll try to put out another chapter for tomorrow, but I'm not sure if I'll make it. We'll see what happens. ^_^;

_ Vaas stepped out of the Scavenger and walked over to the corpse in disbelief. The headlights cast dramatic shadows over Carlos’s remains. Vaas stared at the gore that was once Carlos’s face and tried to piece together how this was possible. _

_ “You two! Fan out, radio if you find anything _ _.” He commanded the pirates still seated in the SUV. They hopped out and ran off in different directions. “I want her back and unharmed! Not a fucking hair out of place!” He shouted almost as an afterthought. _

_ How the fuck did it get like this again? How the fuck, despite everything he’d done to keep her happy, did it all go up in fucking flames? _

_ He squatted down and looked carefully for some indication of what happened. The road was entirely too hard to hold many tracks, and he could only see so much in the headlights. and the ones he did find didn’t make any sense. As far as he could tell it looked like Carlos had walked around quite a bit before he was blown away. From the spread of the blood splatter it looked like he was laying down when he was shot in the face. Vaas noticed the shot high on his shoulder. Maybe he was shot in the shoulder first, fell down then was killed. But it didn’t make sense. _

_ Eva couldn’t have killed him. He doubled that she’d be skilled enough to shoot accurately without looking. She would have fainted at the sight of it. Though looking at the sandy dirt, he could see two places that she could have fallen. While he could just assume that she’s shot him twice and fainted both times, it still didn’t make sense. Why would she kill Carlos? Was she so upset that she could resort to the murder she detested so much? He gritted his teeth angrily. _

_ “Vaas! I’ve got a wrecked Scav here.” The voice of one of his men crackled over the radio. _

_ “Where the fuck is it?” He said letting his lack of patience show in his voice. _

_ “The beach by the turn off for the Doc’s.” The answer came. _

_ “I’m coming.” Vaas was already hopping into his own Scavenger. _

_ The scene of the wreck didn’t tell Vaas much more, other than Carlos and Eva crashed into a dune for some reason, then continued on foot. Why didn’t Carlos call him? Radio him, send up a fucking flare… Some form of communication. He saw that this phone and his radio were still on his belt. Why did a simple retrieval go so fucking south? _

_ He tried not to think of the suicidal threats she’d made. Or that she might be injured badly in the crash. He couldn’t see any sign of blood, but it was getting darker and harder to see details. Maybe they fought for control and crashed. If she was hurt, would Carlos have been too afraid to tell him? Worried that he’d lose the deal they’d made for the puta earlier. It was more plausible than he liked to admit. Though it still didn”t make sense considering the hole in Carlos’s face. _

_ Either way he looked at it, he didn’t know the information vital to answering all the questions. But he wouldn’t stop searching for her. He would find her, bring her back kicking and screaming if he had to. _

_ What if he never got that far? What if she was killed before he could find her? The thought plagued him. For once he was forced to look at the island's dangers through a fearful lens. He could survive, he had his whole life. But Eva was soft and weak and unarmed. Again he was made to confront anxiety he’d never allowed himself to feel before. And it was fucking strong. He felt pathetic and helpless. He couldn’t stand it. _

_ He roared his aggravation and fired his gun in the air. The pirate who had found the crash looked at him with worry but looked away before Vaas made direct eye contact. _

_ This was what she wanted, wasn’t it? She wanted him on his fucking knees, pathetic, weak, begging, worried, didn’t she? That’s why this bullshit kept fucking happening. Back and forth, on and on. She could show him such love and make him feel so desired, needed. Give him enough of a taste that he realized he couldn’t live without it. Give him just enough to make sure he was hooked. Then she’d rip it all away in the blink of an eye over the smallest fucking thing. Torture. _

_ Like Eka. He hadn’t even looked at the bitch when Eva started accusing him of hurting her. The cowardly whore started to panic when he raised his voice a little bit and suddenly it was armageddon. Eva had been upset with him before Eka started up on her pathetic sobbing and whimpering. It was like she had already decided to fuck him over and used the puta’s crocodile tears as an excuse. _

_ It didn’t matter if it was fucking intentional. It would work. He’d lose his mind every time. He needed her too fucking much. What else was he going to do? What else could he do? _

_ He’d show her how fucking him up like this could go. He’d make sure she’d never want to do it again. When he found her, he’d bring her back, and use her apparent affection for the bitch against her. If he couldn’t keep her near because he was being good to her, then he’d be a fucking tyrant. She’d learn one way or another to stop misusing him and jerking his heart around. _

_ But that was a big if. How would he fucking find her? At this rate if he would be lucky to get her back at all. He needed help, more eyes and ears and hands to catch her. Unfortunately, most of those parts belonged to his men. He’d have to grease the wheels to get her back alive and unharmed. He could offer a bounty to make it worth their while, thirty grand would probalby do it. It would be enough to tempt any fucker on the island with any self-interest into joining the search and bringing her in safely. _

_ However much he wanted to search through the jungle until he could pull her into his arms once more, it wasn’t possible. He couldn’t search for long, at least. He had shit to do and keep on top of if he wanted to avoid more Hoyt trouble. That would be the last thing he fucking needed right now. _

_ It was dark, the sunset was just a violet ribbon on the horizon. He could feel how exhausted he was but rage was fueling him now, like he was a fucking revenant. He was supposed to have been asleep right now with her body against him. That’d been the deal. She decided to fuck the deal. In fact, that could have been the bullshit reason she ran out on him. Too chicken shit to let him tie her up. _

_ “Fuck!” He grimaced. It still didn’t seem like a complete answer to the question of what the fuck was going on and why. _

_ It was all bullshit. All of it. And he couldn’t do much about it for a while yet. _

_ God, it made him want to watch something beautiful burn, and hear bloody screams. Anything properly violent to work out the deep frustration he felt. _

_ His phone rang. _

_ “Who the fuck is this?” He asked, not bothering to disguise his foul mood. _

_ “Benny. The logging camp was hit. It was Jason.” Benny said, sounding concerned and angry. _

_ The news should have made Vaas angrier, but he was only excited. Any protection that Jason had at Eva’s request was revoked as far as he was concerned. He’d torture the motherfucker until the black hatred in him subsided, then he’d kill him. After that bastard was dead, he’d get Eva back and make the world his again. Jason was like a godsend right then. _

_ “Good. He’s not done, hermano. He’s coming. I can fucking feel it.” Vaas smiled. “Make sure the trap is ready for the motherfucking prick. I'll meet you there. I have some shit to sort through.” _

* * *

“I have your sweet little package all ready for pickup as soon as I collect my  _ fee _ .”

I opened my eyes feeling a bit groggy. I looked around, I was on the floor, looking up at the man who’d shot Carlos. Fear seized me and I tried to get up, run, something. But my arms were bound behind me painfully tight. My legs were tied up too. I tried to speak but my mouth was gagged. I murmured against the gag. My words were bitter curses directed at the man who cleared in my vision. 

“Looks like the princess is awake now. No worries.” He smiled at me in a way that filled me with dread. It was evil, sadistic. As though he liked to see me suffer for the fun of it. “Not a fucking scratch. That’ll cost you extra.”

He was talking on the phone to someone while sitting at an old table with his feet propped up.

I looked around the room for something to help me escape but only found myself disgusted to be on the floor in such a place.

Rough sawn floorboards covered in dust, little piles of filth in the corners. It smelled of mold and damp. I could feel the grit on my skin.

“I mean that tender little piece, what the fuck was his name?” The man tapped his bottom lip thoughtfully. “Keith. That’s the name. He’s my fee.”

I tried to work my wrists free but it was only making them raw. If I wasn’t careful they might bleed. I didn’t trust that this psycho would give me basic care and I really didn’t want to get an infection from this place.

“You’ll fucking deliver Keith or I’ll blow the shelia’s mind. Literally and figuratively. What happens to your leverage then?”

I didn’t like what the conversation seemed to imply. I was being bargained over. I was being sold. Exchanged for someone else. Only it didn’t seem to be working out that well. I could feel my body trembling even though I couldn’t really move much.

“That’s right. Good. We’ll make the exchange tomorrow. I’ll call with more details early in the morning. Nice doing business with you Hoyt. As per fucking usual.” The man hung up his phone and set the device on the table, relaxing for a moment before his eyes drifted on me.

“Don’t look at me like that princess. I’m not going to hurt you.” He said it with a wry smile I didn’t trust. “I can’t speak for Hoyt, but you don’t have to worry about that until tomorrow.”

He let the dread settle over my face before he spoke again.

“Your gracious benefactor doesn’t want you hurt until then. So smile and be glad you're alive for now. You might not be so glad later.” He was still smiling as he spoke.

I felt my eyes well up with tears but I refused to cry. He was just looking at me waiting for the tears to come. He probably liked them. I wouldn’t give him what he wanted.

“You’re a fucking piece of work, ain’t ya?” He was still smiling, but it was strained.

He pulled his feet off the table and stood. He looked down on me like he was trying to establish some sort of superiority, some sort of power over me.

“Oh, princess, you’re not so strong. I’ve seen it.” He said leaning over me.

I rolled my eyes at him. I wasn’t going to give him an inch. Why should I? He already told me he wouldn’t hurt me. His deal for “Keith” required my safety. I didn’t know this bastard, sure. He could be insane. He could just say “Fuck the deal,” and kill me. Still, Hoyt was probably going to reduce me to a mere finger in a pocket tomorrow. If I was going to die, I would make my captors as miserable as possible. The only thing that this man with the terrible deer tattoo could do to me, was make cry. I wasn’t going to cry.

“That makes sense, doesn’t it?” The man frowned and stood upright once more and scratched his beard thoughtfully. “Seeing as you’re paired off with that psychopath Vaas. There’s some reason for it, I suppose.”

He walked a few steps away like he was thinking to himself. Then he stopped suddenly and smiled.

“You know. It’s interesting. You’re the proud sort, right? Of course you are, just look at you.” He walked over to a shelf near an old fridge and picked up a stack of photos. “I fancy myself a photographer. Amateur mostly, but I’m proud of my work. Maybe I could get your opinion, proud to the prideful.” He said pointing to himself then to me. 

He set the photos on the table and reached down to pull me up to my feet. I couldn’t do much more than keep my balance, there was no wiggle room between my ankles and trying to make some was painful.

“Tell me what you think of this one.” He smiled lifting a photo for me to see.

I wasn’t sure what I expected he’d be taking photos of. Something horrible. I didn’t expect to see a picture of myself, topless, with a look of passionate distress on my face.

I rankled at the idea that he’d seen me without my clothing. It made me feel vulnerable and sick. How in the hell he could have taken a picture of me like that? I glared at him, searching his cold blue eyes for some sort of answer.

“I can see you like this one. It’s good, but not the best. I have others that are better.” He pulled the photo away and looked at it himself with a satisfied smile. “Like this one for instance.”

He set the photo down and picked up another. He held it up to me with a grin. “What do you think?”

I didn’t want to look, but I couldn’t help it.

There I was again, without a stitch on. It was zoomed out enough this time that you could see it was from the quarry and that I was fucking someone vigorously. My partner was Vaas, but the only parts of him that you could see were his lower torso, his hands on my hips and the part of his condom-covered cock that wasn’t hidden by my thighs.

I felt sicker, and angry. The time we’d been together should have been private. How did he get the photo without being noticed? We were distracted by each other, but it looked like he’d taken it while he was standing nearby.

“Sexy, isn’t it?” He pulled the photo away and looked at it with an expression that made my sick feeling worse. “Who knew our crazy, little Vaas had such a big dick?” He looked me in the eye, a gleeful glimmer shining in the dim light. “Who knew you could take it like a champ? Eh, princess?”

I murmured curses and insults against my gag. The man laughed loudly, falling back on to his couch after a minute.

“Oh. I’ve got a million more, princess.” He wiped a tear from his eye. “You were a pro. A man couldn’t ask for a better model.”

I wanted to hurt him, indignant rage swirled like a hurricane inside me. I tried to step forward and almost fell.

“Careful now. We don’t want you damaged for Hoyt.” He got off the couch and came over, putting a steadying hand on my shoulder. “Besides, I’d think you should be flattered. These pictures are selling like hot cakes. You’re very popular. Doesn’t that bring a smile to your face?”

Knowing that he'd taken the pictures of us, was one thing. Hearing that he'd been selling them to other strangers... I growled against the gag and tried to lunge at him, knock him over, crush him, something.

“Now, now, now, princess. Watch yourself. I’m not that easy and you are most definitely not my type.” He laughed side-stepping my attempt to tackle him. He almost let me fall to the floorboards, stopping me only when I was inches away from smashing my face.

I chewed at the gag in my mouth, trying to rip it so I could at least tear him apart verbally. It didn’t seem to be tearing. I screamed my frustration into the gag.

“This has been fun, princess. A real ball. But I need to get some fucking sleep. Keith is going to need me at my best tomorrow.” He chuckled, dragging me to one of the couches and tossing me on it face first. I rolled over and fell off onto the floor on my backside. While I winced the sadist tugged me roughly back onto the couch.

“If you’re going to be difficult, princess, I’m going to have to put you downstairs with the roaches and rats.” He sounded like he was scolding a child.

I cringed at the idea that his man had a basement. It probably was full of more terrifying things than roaches or rats. I didn’t want to be in the basement…

“That’s right, princess. Just think about Vaas’s perfect donger and close your eyes. You’ll be lost in sweet fucking dreams before you know it.” He said, walking to the light hanging from the ceiling in the center of the room. He pulled the chain and the light switched off.

It was very dark but somehow the man could see where he was going because I heard him laugh as he opened a door and then closed it. It sounded like he was walking down stairs. The sound of his tread slowly died away. Then all I could hear was the occasional creaking of the shack around me, and my own furious breathing out of my nose.

It was only then that I allowed tears to roll silently down my face until they were absorbed by the fabric of the gag.

Everything had just gone to hell in a handbasket.

I was probably pregnant. Carlos was probably dead. Eka was likely dead too by now. I was the captive of a gay sadist and tomorrow I’d be traded to an even worse sadist.

Hoyt knew about me. I wondered how. Vaas had tried to be careful, and I believed he knew how to keep Hoyt unaware of me. So how did it happen? Was it the sadist? Had he caught wind of me and decided to tell Hoyt all about me? It seemed as likely as anything.

What would Hoyt do with me? Kill me, and cut off my finger for Vaas to keep in his pocket? That seemed pointless.

I didn’t know much about Hoyt other than what I’d seen in Vaas’s memory and what he told me, and what I'd just heard my captor say to him over the phone. It wasn’t much. I could tell that Hoyt liked to be in control. He liked it when he was feared. He liked to enslave and hold leashes. He kept Vaas in check by providing him with drugs and the other vices he liked, but only things that Hoyt himself could provide. Maybe that’s what this was about? Getting the collar tighter around Vaas’s neck.

It made sense that he’d want to control Vaas’s addictions. I was his strongest and newest addiction. The only supply of it. Did he want to hold me over Vaas’s head? Eventually Vaas would go mad from being away from me. He was already unhinged from lack of sleep. Vaas might just go on a rampage to get me back after a while. That was probably something that Hoyt wanted to avoid. So what was the point of kidnapping me? And how long did he think he’d be able to get away with that?

_ He has at least long enough to find out you’re pregnant.  _ I answered my own question.

After that, all Hoyt had to do was wait until the bundle of joy arrived. Then he could hold on to a new hostage and give me back to Vaas. I didn’t know how Vaas would react to his child being held hostage. Our discussions on the topic left me with inconclusive information on that point. Did Vaas want kids? Or was he only interested in the pregnancy part of it? I didn’t have an answer, but maybe Hoyt did. I didn’t know what he knew.

Chances were he didn’t know I was pregnant. I had to do everything I could to keep that little bit of knowledge away from him. Not just for Vaas’s sake, but my own. Despite how it would make Vaas feel, I would be affected too. I didn’t want to live as a captive or live knowing that my baby was in the hands of a murderous sadist.

_ My baby. _

The words stuck in my head for a moment before I repelled them away.

What if I was just off schedule because of stress, like Alex suggested? I had been under a lot of stress. I was currently, in this very moment, under a lot of stress. What if I wasn’t pregnant? A wave of relief washed over me at the idea. I could barely handle this situation by myself. I didn’t want to think about the stakes of having another person to look out for and protect too.

I was content to leave it there, but a small tinge of sadness pricked at me. Vaas would be disappointed, sure. It was more than that. I remembered the child I’d pictured in my arms before. One with Vaas’s vibrant green eyes. I found myself slightly disappointed that it might not be true.

_ Nononononono! Stop being an idiot!  _ I scolded myself.  _ You don’t need this right now. Worry about staying alive and escaping. That’s what you need to do. Don’t get suckered into having a fictional family that may never exist. _

It was true. Even if I wasn’t tied up on the couch of a sadist, there was a mountain of problems to solve if I was pregnant. All my old worries ran through my head again with some new ones tacked on. I couldn’t do this.

Even if I was being optimistic and assumed that everything worked out better than what seemed possible. Even if things went off without a hitch. Would Vaas even want to be a father? Should he even be one? If he wanted to, was it a good idea or would he just make the kid into a monster? I didn’t want that. Or would he make me do it alone? If he was only attracted to the idea of making me pregnant, would that end up being my fate? Constantly pregnant, taking care of children he’d refuse to acknowledge the existence of? God, I couldn’t think about this right now. I should be focused on escaping my current problem. Who cares about steps fifty through sixty if I haven’t even gotten through step one?

Step one, free my hands.

* * *

_ It was morning now and Vaas had only slept for an hour. When he woke up he was in a foul mood. He still wanted to murder and maim but he couldn’t because that dumb fuck, Jason, still hadn’t had the decency to show up yet. _

_ Then just a little while ago, Hoyt had called him to make a delivery. Normally he’d just send his men to make the drop off, but Hoyt fucking insisted. Vaas wondered if it was because Hoyt knew about Jason, and the prisoner was one of the prick’s friends. The pretty boy, Keith. _

_ He would have thought that he’d be more concerned with the idea of Hoyt knowing what had been going on, but as he drove the truck to the drop off he secretly hoped that he’d see Eva on the side of the road or in the bushes nearby. He imagined himself catching sight of her and pulling over. He’d chase her down, because of course she’d fucking run from him like a deer. Then when he was able to overpower her, get his hands on her; he’d fuck her so hard and good she wouldn’t be able to think about running ever again. She would need him so much she wouldn’t have room to care about anyone else, either. _

_ The fantasy was an intoxicating one, but it’d yet to be even close matching reality. He just couldn’t seem to make her need him as much as he needed her. He clenched his jaw. _

_ As he pulled up to the radio tower, he could see Buck sitting on the stairs with a shit-eating grin on his face. _

_ “About bloody time.” Buck said once Vaas had stepped out of the truck. “I’ve been waiting nearly five fucking minutes. Five!” _

_ Who knew when Buck was being sarcastic or serious. Vaas didn’t much care either way. He’d just give the fucker his merchandise and go back to finding Eva or finding Jason. _

_ Vaas gave him an unamused look and walked to the back of the truck without a word. He opened the truck and looked at Keith, who was chained and gagged, per Buck’s requests. He took a hold of the chain and dragged Keith out by it. _

_ Keith’s feet were free and he tried to run but Vaas yanked the chain hard and Keith fell back on his ass. _

_ “Careful now. I’ve paid for that ass.” Buck warned as he walked over. “I don’t want it damaged, yet.” _

_ Keith turned his head and looked up at Buck with a hateful brow. He mumbled angry sounds through his gag. _

_ “Got a mouth on you, eh? We’ll put that to use, don’t you worry.” Buck took the chain from Vaas and dragged Keith to his feet. _

_ Vaas closed the back of the truck up. _

_ “You’re awfully quiet. What the fuck’s eating you?” Buck asked, giving Vaas a long looking over. It was the way he looked at Keith, and the way Vaas had seen him look over his last slave, Hector. Vaas wasn’t in the mood to deal with Buck’s fucked up games and he didn’t like how long his eyes lingered on his crotch. _

_ “Our business is fucking done.” Vaas warned him. The bugarrón was sorely mistaken if he thought he could take Vaas. _

_ “Come on now. What’s troubling our dearest friend Vaas?” Buck was still giving him a look he didn’t like. He wished he could beat him until his eyes were too swollen to look at him anymore. Hoyt wouldn’t look kindly on that. _

_ “Get the fuck out of here, Buck. You got your end.” Vaas warned him again. _

_ “I hope it isn’t lady troubles.” Buck said with a smug look just before Vaas was about to leave. _

_ Vaas halted in his tracks and gave Buck a murderous look. _

_ “Oh it is. Isn’t it?” He looked giddy. “I love being right.” _

_ “Disappear, Buck.” Vaas warned before climbing into the driver’s seat. _

_ “Like your lady friend?” Buck said as he herded a reluctant Keith toward his vehicle. _

_ Vaas looked at Buck and furrowed his brow. That was too on the nose to be mere coincidence. The bastard knew something about Eva. _

_ “Oh, don’t look at me like that mate. What fuck hasn’t heard about the bounty you put out last night?” Buck halted as he looked over Vaas’s expression. “Thirty g’s for some freckled bitch? Get her back alive and unharmed. It got me wondering why you’d pay so much for someone you don’t want dead.” _

_ “Get to the fucking point.” Vaas pulled out his gun. His patience was almost at its limit. _

_ “Is that anyway to treat a loyal customer?” Buck shoved Keith into the back of his SUV and chained him in. “Besides, I was just wondering why a pragmatic individual like yourself would be interested in some dumb bitch and not just find another.” _

_ “You know where she is?” Vaas asked, cutting through Buck’s bullshit. _

_ “I _ **_might_ ** _ be able to find her, sure. But not for thirty. I’ll be taking fifty or I might just have to keep her for myself when I do find her.” He smiled menacingly. _

_ “You find her, bring her to me and I’ll pay you the fifty. But she better be fucking alive and unhurt, or I’ll take it out of your hide.”  _

_ Vaas didn’t care how much he had to pay. He was good for it. Working for Hoyt had been lucrative and he didn’t have much to spend the money on besides weapons and drugs. So he’d gladly let his money burn a hole in his pocket if he could get Eva back safe and sound. Even if it meant using a sick fucker like Buck to do it.  _

_ “I’ll get looking then. Cheers.” Buck smiled and climbed into his Scav and drove off with Keith. _

_ The feeling like he was missing something important came back. He needed to do some more detective work. If Buck was so interested so quickly… it couldn’t bode well. _

_ His phone rang and he hoped it was someone telling him that they’d found her. _

_ “Boss,” Benny was on the line. ”Jason is attacking PC.” _

_ It wasn’t what he wanted to hear most, but he’d take it. For now. _

_ “That’s good fucking news, man. I’m on my fucking way.” He grinned as he turned the key to the truck. _

_ He sped off toward the hotel. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's song is "ICH TU DIR WEH" by Rammstein. It's a very graphically sadomasochistic song, so beware of listening to it (or translating for those who don't know German). I thought it was a fitting choice for Buck's theme song.


	36. Gasoline

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vaas tries to feel better. Eva is taken hostage, again.

_“Jason isn’t that stupid.” Liza stated meekly. “He won’t fall for your stupid trap.”_

_Vaas had been bored waiting for them to bring Jason to the hotel. He felt like the time he was just waiting around could be time better spent looking for Eva. To distract himself he decided to bother Liza a bit._

_“Your prick of a boyfriend already has. They’re bringing him here right now.” Vaas smiled at her relishing the surprised terror in her eyes._

_“No. Please don’t hurt us. Please! Just let go! We didn’t do anything to you!” She pleaded._

_Oliver mumbled something, but it wasn’t intelligible. Liza looked over at him and realized he wasn’t tied to his chair._

_“Oliver! Do something!” She screamed at him. Oliver just let his head loll over to his other shoulder but stayed silent. “Fuck…”_

_Oliver hadn't been sober since they brought him to the hotel. He really didn't seem to mind either.  
  
Vaas pulled Liza’s chin and made her look back at him. Tears were shimmering in her pale eyes. She blinked and they ran down her cheeks. _

_“If I let you go, would you just give up on Jason to save your own fucking skin?” He asked. She looked uncertain, disbelieving. “I’ll let you leave, right fucking now. Safe and sound. If you ditch the fucker.”_

_She was silent and searched Vaas’s eyes for some kind of answer._

_“You’re l-lying.” She sniffed._

_“I’m fucking serious. You say adios to Jason, to his stupid fucking face, I’ll let you go.”_

_“There’s a trick.” She said quietly. “You’d never let us just go.”_

_“No tricks, hermana. I’ll even give you a fucking boat to leave on.” He didn't look like he was lying._

_“No! I won’t do it! I love Jason!” Her face went from confused to resolute. “I’ll never abandon him!”_

_Her answer pissed him off. Jason had a ride or die, whether or not he deserved one and Liza wasn’t even his soulmate. In the meantime, Vaas’s soulmate had up and dropped him at the slightest provocation. He didn’t like thinking about it._

_“I’ll tell you what I’ll do for you. You get to stay with your pretty boy. Through fucking thick and thin. Whatever happens to that fuck, happens to you. How does that sound? Hmm?” Liza was quiet and she hung her head in despair._

_He determined to torture them both, telling Liza she could end it if she gave up on her man._

_And she would give up. She wasn’t Jason’s soulmate. She didn’t have anything but her own misguided emotions holding her with him. Emotions were slippery, ever-changing things. She’d bail, it was only a matter of how long it’d take._

_Vaas wanted to see it. He needed to see Liza abandon Jason. An unbound couple had no lasting devotion, especially compared to a bound one. He needed to see it fall apart to comfort him about Eva._

_“We’re here.” Benny’s voice crackled on the radio._

_“Good, escort the motherfucker to his hotel room.” Vaas smiled looking Liza over. She looked greatly disturbed, more tears ran down her pale cheeks._

_Benny and another pirate dragged Jason upstairs to the small room where Vaas, Liza and Oliver were waiting. They dropped his unconscious body into a chair and tied him down tight to it. Benny left, he had shit to get done, but the other pirate stayed. Standing in the doorway like a guard._

_It was then that Vaas noticed Jason's arm._

_He scoffed at first, like he’d hallucinated it. Maybe it was a normal tattoo, like these white fuckers always seemed to have. No, the closer he looked the more it was apparent that it was from Citra’s little cult. She had gotten her claws into him..._

_He felt that black hatred swell up in him, until it felt like it might spill out his mouth or eyes. He couldn’t stand it._

_He’d planned to merely break Jason, now he’d fucking burn him till he was a pile of ash. Wipe out the infection. Jason didn’t deserve Liza, and perhaps she didn’t deserve to die like that, but she’d fucking join him. A promise is a promise. She wanted to be his ride or die? So fucking be it._

_Vaas walked out of the hotel ignoring his questioning men who were standing by their vehicles just outside. He pulled the gas can off the truck he’d driven there and walked back up the stairs. Jason was groaning and lifting his head up just after Vaas had started pouring the gasoline around their chairs. Liza looked at him with her mouth agape. He hoped she was reconsidering her misplaced affection._

_Jason’s eyes were open and from the hateful and terrified expression on his face, he understood what could happen with a little bit of gasoline and some imagination. Vaas spun around in front of Jason, dumping the gas can out while he did. Then he stopped and tossed the gas can at Jason’s head._

_Jason managed to dodge the hit, but was soaked in gas nonetheless. The can tumbled behind him, spilling more fuel on the floor. Vaas pulled out his lighter._

_“Who gave you that ink, hmm?” Vaas asked, giving the lighter a flick. It sparked but produced no flame. “I asked you a question: Who gave you that ink, hmm?”_

_Jason was looking at Vaas’s lighter, ignoring his questions._

_“Citra give you that ink? My sister give you that ink, huh?” Jason furrowed his brow as Vaas demanded answers. The tatau was ridiculous, pointless, but even Vaas knew it had come to represent the Rakyat and all they fucking stood for. It meant Citra. Who the fuck did Jason think he was?_

_Vaas rolled his shoulders in irritation. The tatau Citra had put on her warriors was her merely trying to convince dumb motherfuckers that they could have faith in the path of the warrior and it’d be enough to get the power to overtake Vaas. Trying to make up for their inferiority with holy symbols from dead gods wouldn’t and hadn’t been enough to kill Vaas thus far. Though it represented no increased threat on his life, Vaas couldn’t stand seeing the ink on their skin. Ultimately it spoke to the jealous boy in him, the one that was broken and used by Citra over and over. The one that couldn’t make her love him. The one that wasn't enough._

_And now, with recent events. It felt like the tatau had gained new painful meaning. Just like Citra, he couldn’t make Eva love him either, not long enough to really matter. Jason had Liza pledging to die with him, he had Citra’s favor… And he was trying to prove that he was a greater warrior than Vaas. Trying to usurp him. No one had managed it so far and he had some pride in the thought that Citra couldn't do better. Now here comes this soft as shit pretty boy and he's given the chance to try? That was too good for him. Jason could never beat him. Jason would never be a true Rakyat._

_Never._

_“You think that makes you one of us?” He stepped closer to Jason. “You think that makes you like me, huh? California boy’s got a hard on for jungle fever.” He motioned jerking off dramatically,_

_“I’m going to drive a bullet through my sister’s skull.” Vaas leaned in close, whistling and holding his fingers to his head like a gun for emphasis, then squatted down beside Jason’s chair. “Like I did your brother, Grant.” He pointed at Jason and clucked his tongue._

_“F-Fuck you.” Jason seethed hatefully. He stuttered, but Vaas could tell it was because he was so fucking enraged._

_A slight smile appeared on Vaas’s face. Jason was braver than he’d realized, and his brash actions reminded him of his own youth learning to be a warrior. The small similarities in their situation provoked Vaas into being explicit. It wasn’t empathy or sympathy on Vaas’s part, it was merely a cynical understanding. If Citra had giving her favor, it was because she could see that he was the sort she could use and throw away. Vaas'd help her out by skipping a few steps. In a few moments Jason would be cinders. Then who would give a shit about his potential or expendability?_

_“You are angry, Jason.” He put his hands over each of their chests, happy to see the touch bothered the fool. “You are angry. Okay.” He put his hands down, propping his arms on his knees. “I get that.” Vaas’s voice betrayed some of the emotion he had building in him for the past few days._

_"I get it. I mean without family, who the fuck are we?” He shook his head. “There was a time I’d do anything for my sister, you know? First time I ever killed was for my sister.”_

_His memory drifted to that night. Citra was lying on the floor of their shack, crying. She begged him to save her from the warrior who laid a claim on her. At least as much as Citra ever begged for anything. It was more of a command really. She gave him the machete, plied him with lies of love and being together. Told him some of the bullshit she’d later build her religion on and sent him off to fight a warrior. She hadn’t expected him to come back alive, he could see that now. Not to say that she sent him to die. She hoped he’d live, for her own sake, but she didn’t see it realistically happening. She’d rather have him die for her than risk being some warrior’s bitch._

_But he killed Hasan and came back to her. It’d cost him. Hasan nearly scalped him with his blade. Citra had repaid Vaas’s efforts by stitching up the long wound on his head and taking the credit for the kill. Saying that Hasan came to kill Vaas, and Citra had to challenge and kill him to save him. At the time he didn’t care much. He was just happy to have Citra to himself again, even if she never gave him anything without making him pay for it first._

_After their fallout, Vaas wouldn’t tolerate a lack of credit for his effort, and Hoyt never took that from him, for good or ill._

_But that had all been in the past and it wasn’t nearly as upsetting as the present. Citra was was only reliable in that she’d never loved him. She wasn’t his soulmate, he shouldn’t have ever expected it from her. But Eva… She was supposed to be his. She was supposed to love him. She was supposed to love ONLY him. They were supposed to have the sort of love that Vaas had only been able to dream of up to that point. And he’d trusted in that just being the case blindly. Like it would just happen, like it was supposed to. But it hadn’t. She kept blowing him away over and over. Every time he’d think she was his, she’d do something that rattled him to his fucking core and made him feel like less than a man._

_Why couldn’t he have the affection he needed? Why was it always being denied or diverted to someone else? Someone lesser… Was he not giving enough? He’d killed for Eva too. He’d bled for her. He’d paid for her. He’d already given up so much. When would it be enough? When would she say she loved him and it would be true?_

_Vaas massaged his brow, wearily. Maybe the gas vapor was making him more sentimental and loquacious. His thoughts were messy and demented. His exhaustion was making them difficult to keep all the emotion, memories and thoughts straight. Was he talking about Citra or Eva? Did it matter at this point? He supposed it did, and decided he'd rather talk about Eva._

_“But that was not enough for her. Nononono, please.” He stood up and walked toward Liza who recoiled at his approach._

_“You see the thing about our loved ones, right? OUR FUCKING LOVED ONES!! They come and they blindside you ever fucking time!” Vaas whipped around and faced Jason once more, but he was lost in his rage over Eva, Jason might as well not be there._

_Eva’s latest renege had been the worst so far. It really felt like it had come out of nowhere. She wouldn’t even let him explain that Carlos had bought the little bitch and he wasn’t going to lay a finger her precious Eka._

_No, Eva didn’t care. She just assumed and demanded and gave him a bullshit ultimatum._

_“So they say to me, they say, ‘Vaas! Vaas! WHO THE FUCK IS IT GOING TO BE!? THEM OR ME??! ME OR THEM??!” He sounded like a mad man. Perhaps he was. Perhaps he was really broken this time. He felt pretty fucking broken._

_The look on Jason’s face brought him back a bit. He didn’t have any context for Vaas’s ranting and raving and his face showed it. Jason was terrified. Looking at Vaas like he was insane. Vaas couldn’t help but laugh a bit, in an unhinged sort of way._

_“Like, you know, like they fucking think that **I** need to make a fucking choice!” _

_He’d already made his choice. He’d never stopped choosing Eva. Over and over, every fucking time. From the moment he picked up her shaking, sobbing body and took her to his bed, he chose her._

_She was the one who couldn’t seem to make up her fucking mind. It was breaking him apart a little more each time she showed him that he wasn’t as important to her as she was to him._

_Didn’t she know he’d die for her by now? Couldn’t she see how he was killing himself to keep her safe as it was? The words on the ring he gave her, he meant with his whole soul. Even now, when she’d ripped his heart out of his chest and stomped it into the mud for Eka, it was still hers to do with what she would. He would never stop loving her or wanting her._

_Vaas laughed bitterly at the irony of his own predicament and tried to flick the lighter again. It’d been acting up for the past few days. It seemed to have finally died, when he wanted it to work the most. How typical and mordant._

_“By the way, this lighter really sucks. You know, so much for poetics.” He pushed the dead lighter in the breast pocket of Jason’s polo shirt. Jason stared at him in silence, a terrified look on his face._

_Poor dumb fucker. Maybe Jason had a right to seek revenge. Vaas certainly felt he had the right to avenge himself on Citra and the Rakyat. Though it didn’t matter, Jason was too dimwitted to get his revenge; deserved or not. He’d thrown his lot in with the fools who were once his people. The white boy should have been better prepared if he was going to attempt something so reckless. He should have been ready for Vaas and all that meant._

_“It’s really too bad Citra had to ink you up.” Vaas said walking toward Liza. “Now the only way to kill you is to erase you completely.”_

_Liza began to sob and leaned away from him._

_“Shhhh… It’s okay. Don’t cry. It’s okay.” He brushed the back of his hand on her cheek, knowing that it would give her no comfort._

_This was what she chose. He was giving her what she wanted. She had a chance to indulge her self-interest and escape free and alive. She chose love, just like Vaas had. He’d punish her for it, just like Eva was punishing him for the same choice. She would go out with Jason in a blaze of glory and tragic romance. Her ashes mingling with Jason’s forever more, even if their souls never did; trapped forever in the burnt ruins of the old Island Port Hotel._

_Vaas pulled an old matchbook from his pocket._

_“Jason, I swear to God, man. It’s truly beautiful that you are willing to die for the one you love...” He struck a match and stared at the little flame for a moment, thinking about how this seemed to reflect his own love. Up in flames. Then he tossed it into the small pool of gasoline in the center of the room._

_As the little match flame expanded and grew quickly in the gasoline Liza screamed, “No! NO! Jason! NO!!”_

_“Grab the VIP and let’s get the fuck out of here.” Vaas said to the pirate on his left. The man quickly pulled Oliver up and directed the stoner out the door and down the stairs._

_Vaas smiled as he left the building. The sound of Liza screaming for Jason wasn’t exactly comforting, but it sated the black rage in his soul a bit. More importantly, now that Jason was done, he could devote his time to finding Eva and he had a pretty good idea where to start looking._

* * *

I had been up all night trying to get my hands free, but it was no use. My wrists were raw from the effort and I was exhausted by the time I saw daylight peeking through the cracks and holes in the sadist’s shack. I fell into a fitful sleep. I was awoken by someone lifting me up. I was wide awake in an instant and tried to struggle, terrified that I’d end up in the basement.

“If you know what’s good for you, you’ll stop thrashing.” A voice that I didn’t recognize said.

He had an American accent not an Australian one. This wasn’t the sadist. I forced myself to calm down and looked around carefully in the dim light. There were two men, one slung me over his shoulder, the other wore a black and yellow uniform and held a mean looking assault rifle. His face was weathered and rough, tan and he had a black bandana tied around his head. He had a goatee and looked at me with a knowing smile, like he recognized me. The two of them took me from the shack and I didn’t know whether I should be happy or terrified.

I was put in the back of an SUV. They drove for a while and I couldn’t see where, but it was plenty of time for me to puzzle over this unexpected change of pace.

Neither of them were Hoyt, which I thought might be a blessing, but maybe they worked for him. Who else would have been able to find me? Perhaps they were taking me to him? I felt a great need to get out of the car somehow.

“Pretty sweet gig we got.” The one who warned me not to struggle said to the other. 

“Babysitting this bitch sounds like a sweet gig to you?” The other said, sounding unamused.

“For a shit ton of money. I call that pretty fucking sweet. Don’t you?” The first one said with some enthusiasm.

“I call it boring. Hoyt better arrange for some entertainment or I’m going to lose my shit.”

“We got cards.”

“Fuck cards. I’m talking adult entertainment. If he doesn’t spring for a girl or two, I’ll get my rocks out on Vaas’s bitch.”

“Hoyt’d kill you for that. He said-”

“He said she wasn’t to be harmed. Who said I’d hurt her? She might fucking like it. You don’t know. ‘Be gentle’ that’s the fucking rule isn’t it?”

Dread. Nothing but dread. It sounded like Hoyt was interested in keeping me as leverage, like I surmised the night before. But it sounded like half of my guard detail wasn’t too interested in following orders.

“What if Hoyt finds out? What if Vaas does?”

“Whatever. Hoyt can dock my pay if he wants. I could take Vaas any day. Especially for a hot piece of ass like her. You saw Buck’s fucking pictures.”

Someone whistled a cat call, I didn’t know who, but it made me ill.

The discussion ended at that. The rest of the trip was quiet on their end.

I couldn’t find anything to help me get out of the car. I couldn’t even sit up properly because of the bumps in the road. I had to find a way out before the one with the bandana got bored.

I whimpered when the car stopped and the bandana one’s face appeared over me.

“Come on now, sweetheart. Time to see your new home.” He grinned and tugged me out of the car roughly, taking the opportunity to touch me in places I’d rather not be touched by anyone except Vaas. I tried to voice my displeasure and hatred but I just mumbled muffled nonsense.

He threw me over his shoulder unceremoniously and rested his hand on my ass, squeezing it lightly as he walked. The one who’d carried me before was wearing sunglasses, and he was quite a bit leaner than his partner. Though neither was fat, both were crazy ripped, one was just broader. I couldn’t read the lean one’s expression, but I was pretty sure he was looking at me. I tried to look pathetic, trying to non-verbally plead with him to save me from his partner. He just followed along, betraying no emotion or expression.

These were Hoyt’s men. They were probably more disciplined than Vaas’s pirates. Not that Vaas’s men were inclined to help captives no matter how pretty or sympathetic. 

Shit. How would I get out of this? And if I didn't, how could I deal with it?

Laurel and Hardy took me inside an old shack and set me on an old ripped up couch that smelled like mildew. Hardy, the stockier one with a bandana and facial hair who wanted to have his way with me, squatted down in front of me and pulled out a knife. He cut away the rope around my ankles.

“Fucking Buck. Of course, he tied her up like a tourniquet. Sadistic fuck.” Laurel the leaner one, with sunglasses and no facial hair murmured when he looked at my ankles. “How’s her wrists?”

Hardy forced me to lean forward so he could cut the rope off my wrists too. When I was free, my wrists seemed to hurt worse than before.

“Shit.” Hardy pulled back from me and I brought my wrists forward. They were raw and bleeding. “Get a kit.”

Laurel walked hurriedly out of the shack.

“You’ve had quite the ordeal.” Hardy smiled, taking my right foot in his hands. I tried to move it out of his grip but he held it firmly and massaged my ankle.

I pulled away my gag.

“Don’t touch me.” I commanded.

“Is that anyway to talk to the man who’s going to be taking care of you?” He said with an ill-intentioned smile. “I could make life hard for you. Or easy. It’s up to you how this will go.”

His hand quickly slid up my leg, resting high on my inner thigh. I pushed it away and kicked at him.

“Think about it. Carefully.” He hissed. “There aren't a lot of girls from back home on his island, none as pretty as you... If you don’t fight me, I’ll make sure you have a good time too.”

Laurel returned with a first aid kit and he set it on a table and began taking out the items he’d need for my wrists. Hardy clammed up as soon as his partner had walked in the door. As long as Laurel was around, I had a chance of avoiding rape.

They each took one of my wrists and began to clean and bandage them. When they finished I was hopeful that they’d leave me unbound, but they shackled my ankle to a long chain attached to a sturdy porch column.

In some ways I’d rather have the rope. It was more painful, but if I could just find a sharp or jagged edge of something, I could break it. Metal chain? I’d need some heavy duty equipment or I’d need to steal the key.

“What shift do you want?” Laurel asked.

“I’ll take the night shift.” Hardy smiled,stretching out on a broken armchair. He held his rifle in his hands and relaxed. He winked at me before closing his eyes and trying to sleep.

“You must be hungry.” Laurel said. “I’ll get you something.”

He went over the the old fridge, rather like the one the sadist “Buck” had. He pulled a bottle of water and a couple bananas out of it.

“Here you go.” He handed them to me and I took them, suddenly realizing how starved I was.

“Thank you.” I said, after I ate a banana.

He looked at me oddly and nodded.

I drank the water quickly, then worked on the second banana. I stopped when I realized that Hardy wasn’t sleeping, he was watching me with a grin on his face that promised nothing good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter's song is "Gasoline" by I Prevail. I figure it's more how Vaas feels about the past that Jason is dragging out of it's grave. I had originally decided on "Torch Song" by AFI but I changed my mind last minute. I also liked, "Gasoline" by Audioslave, but the messy hard-hitting power of I Prevail's song moved me more.
> 
> So I got the chapter out! Yay! I'm exhausted... I'm going to sleep now. -_-


	37. Vermilion, Pt. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Testing. Testing. Can you hear me?

_ The last time he went up this hill, he had a shaking and bleeding Eva in his arms. It seemed like ages ago. Two weeks had passed. Just two, and he felt like the control he had over his life was in tatters. And he was so tired, but he couldn’t sleep while he didn’t know where she was. His mind was ripping itself apart, exhausted as it was, trying to riddle out where she was and how to make her stay once he got her back. Only once he could wrap himself around her supple body, feel her skin, calm, soothing and perfect against his own, would he sleep. _

_ Speaking of which, he could feel the need for her tearing through him. He didn’t understand why he felt more desperate for her when she wasn’t pleased with him. Even when she was mere inches away, when she had her “hands off” policy in place, he felt like he would die from suffocation. It was a sharp hunger in him, always there. But since her last visit to the Doc, it was getting pretty fucking horrible. He couldn’t think of anything without it being interrupted by her. Wishing that he could see her, smell her, touch her, kiss her, fuck her… something. How much longer could he go without getting at least a little bit of her? How long could you survive on a held breath? _

_ He didn’t know. Until then, he’d take out his frustration on those who dared to make his efforts in vain. And they would pay dearly for every moment they caused him to wait before he could be with her again. _

_ He heard someone humming in the greenhouse as he approached the front door of the large white mansion. Even he could recognize that it was only a mansion because it was the biggest house on the island. He’d seen plenty of movies that showed bigger houses that weren’t considered mansions. Not that he ever cared about the technical terminology classifying domiciles. Though the way that he’d see Eva look at his island pissed him off sometimes. He could see that she was used to something more, that she considered her old life without him better. Like she had settled below herself... _

**_Fucking focus._ ** _He scolded himself._

_ He walked to the open door of the greenhouse and spied Alec inside, humming some tune Vaas didn’t recognize as he worked his chemical magic. He walked over to his microscope, slipping a slide into the tray and peering in. He was completely focused on his work, and didn’t seem to notice Vaas standing there with a dark, brooding, impatient look on his face. _

_ Vaas knocked. _

_ “I’ll be with you in a moment.” He said without looking up. “I was expecting you to pick up the batch earlier this morning. Better late than never, I suppose.” _

_ “I think you can take a fucking break,  _ **_right now._ ** _ ” Vaas’s tone was chilling. _

_ The doctor eventually looked up from his occupation and turned to see Vaas standing like a bad omen in the doorway. _

_ “Oh. V-Vaas. W-What brings you here? Did y-you place an order?” The old man trembled, his wrinkled face contorted into something halfway between a welcoming grin and a scream of fear. “I didn’t s-see it on the calendar. I’ll look a-again.” _

_ Alec walked toward the back of the greenhouse to where his calendar lay on a weathered table. _

_ Vaas could practically smell the fear dripping off the man. He'd always engaged with Vaas with a degree of apprehension. A respectful degree of fear, one might say. But this… The Doc had something rattling around in his drug addled mind that he didn’t want Vaas to know. Something that could make Vaas very fucking angry no doubt. Maybe something about a certain soulmate who disappeared from the Doc’s house a day before... _

_ “Don’t bullshit me.” Vaas stepped forward, his gun was in his hand. “You know why I’m here.” _

_ Alec’s face was one of terror. He shook his head slowly as Vaas took slow deliberate steps to corner him in the back of the greenhouse. _

_ “I’m a-afraid I don’t know what you mean.” The doctor stepped backward knocking a potted plant off a table. The terracotta smashed and scattered on the ground. _

_ “Don’t fucking play with me, old man. You won’t like the game.” Vaas’s peridot eyes narrowed hatefully. “She was here yesterday. Where the fuck is she now?” _

_ “Is _ **_who_ ** _ here? I don’t f-follow.” Alec stammered trying to play dumb. _

_ “You might think you’re a brave guy, but you aren’t a good liar _ **_.”_ ** _ Vaas gripped the doctor’s lab coat lapels in his left fist and tugged him roughly forward. The barrel of his gun pushed just under the doctor’s chin. “You’re going to tell me why she was fucking crying, and where the fuck she went. Now. Or we’re going to play a game called ‘can doctors dodge bullets.’” _

_ “Oh.” The tension and terror in Alec’s face relaxed a bit. It made Vaas suspicious. _

_ “You mean- Well of course you mean- Who else would you mean?” The doctor gave a hesitant smile. “I’m sorry, I was terribly confused for a moment. Tends to happen when- We’ll you know, don’t you? I don’t have to explain to you.” He chuckled nervously and cleared his throat. _

_ “Spill it.” Vaas twisted the lapels so his coat was snugger around his neck. _

_ “She came and I took the sutures out and the splints off. More of a scar on her hand than I expected, but it was healing nicely.” Alec held his hands up, complying with Vaas’s force. _

_ He couldn’t accept that that was it. That couldn’t be the only events that had transpired between her leaving the fortress and hanging up on him. She was upset before Eka was mentioned. Now that he thought about it, she was upset from the moment she answered the phone. He’d thought it might have been sentimentality over the ring, but now he wondered if that had been a part of whatever drove her away.  _

_ “That’s not all. There’s more. Talk.” He pushed the barrel harder into the softness under Alec’s chin. _

_ “She was given a present. I think it was a ring. She seemed to be quite touched by the gesture.” The doc said in a rush. The wheels were turning as he tried desperately to remember the events of the day before. _

_ “Keep talking.” Vaas didn’t show any signs of letting up or that he was pleased. He might have been there for Eva but Alec worried that he’d go searching for her around his property and he’d stumble on the cave and Daisy. He couldn’t handle the pressure of it. _

_ Vaas’s wide, dark gaze bored holes into Alec. He reached into his lab coat pocket, fumbling through the junk inside, searching. _

_ “She asked me about her fainting and what she could do about it. Then she asked me about her motion sickness and I came in here and made up some medication for her. It’s still inside on the kitchen table, if you want to take it to her.” _

_ “Take it to her?” Vaas let out a bitter scoffing laugh. Like taking anything to her was so easy he didn’t have a fucking clue where she was. _

_ “She fainted.” Alec suddenly remembered. Vaas stared at him with renewed interest and he realized he was treading on potentially dangerous ground with the pirate lord. “She was standing there.” _

_ Alec pointed to the table that was only a few feet away. His marked up calendar was still on it. Vaas followed the direction he indicated without letting go. _

_ “I thought it might have been because of the heat. Your man, Carlos I believe his name was, helped me bring her inside and elevate her feet. She wasn’t out for very long.” He figured that he should be as honest as possible, give no reason for Vaas to push him into revealing more than what Eva had a hand in. “She woke up in a dreadfully forlorn state. Ordered Carlos out of the house quite tersely.” _

_ “Why the fuck was she upset?” At last they were getting somewhere. _

_ “S-She had looked at my calendar and realized that her cycle was late. She worried about what that could mean.” _

_ “Cycle? What the fuck are you talking about?” Vaas shook the doctor churlishly. _

_ “I-I don’t know what the natives c-call it.” He winced when Vaas shook him again for implying that Vaas was a native. “Menstruation! A period! W-When a woman bleeds every month!” _

_ Vaas understood. God did he understand. His heart started to pound. He couldn’t fucking believe it. He’d thought about it so much. Dreaming about it. He’d look at her sometimes and wonder if she was. He fantasized that it was true and she was just keeping it secret. Something to reveal as a reward for him later. More than that, he fantasized that she wanted it. That her previous negativity was just to throw him off. He wanted her to want it, need it like he had. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ Now that it was practically beating down the door, he didn’t know what to feel or do. He wanted to be so fucking loud. Shout out his bliss to the world. But his feelings of exuberant enthusiasm were stifled knowing that Eva was suffering at the same scenario he rejoiced for. She wasn’t just suddenly charmed by the whole of it. She was horrified. She was trying to run.  _

_ When they talked about it the first time, she’d been very logical about it. He didn’t want to listen. It sounded like an excuse to deny him again; keep his hands off her heavenly body. And he was running on desire and the mere idea that she’d thought about having his child make him ravenous and eager to fuck. Now that they were facing down a potentially reality where his fantasy was true it gave him pause. _

_ It wasn’t safe here. He’d relished that knowledge before. He’d survived, he was superior, he was powerful. This island was his because he was the strongest _ _. The fact that his little kingdom was a meat grinder normally filled him with pride. That pride twisted into regret and foreb _ _ oding. Eva was out there and she might have a baby in her and until he found her he couldn’t protect them. The meat grinder might take it all from him. _

_ His existence before her was bloody, hard and lonely. He only had a desire for revenge. Sure there was drugs, pussy, money and the power, but all of that was a means propelling him toward ending Citra, getting his vengeance. But Eva gave him more in an instant. And now she might be giving him even more. He had something to live for, something to lose. The more he thought about it the more it began to appall him. What good was his monstrous power if it couldn’t protect what he loved? _

_ “Fuck.” He frowned. _

_ “I suggested it could be merely stress.” Alec continued on, vaguely aware of the nature of the thoughts of his brutal intimidator. Vaas seemed a bit pale and his face looked intensely unhappy. _

_ “Is that a real fucking thing?” Vaas asked with trepidation, his fist tightening around the lapels. “Or were you trying to bullshit her to make her feel better.” _

_ “Both in a way. She c-could have missed her period due to stress, it’s a real condition. B-But she also could have been pregnant. I was trying to calm her, the p-poor thing was dolorous.” He pulled out a small bottle from his pocket and dumped a few pills into his shaking hand, spilling a few on the ground, and swallowing them. “She wanted to know for sure. She asked me to t-test her.” _

_ “Did you?” Vaas asked, not looking at the doctor. He was barely able to focus on the moment. There was still a riot of conflicting emotions in him. Hope and fear lay heaped on both outcomes. _

_ “Y-Yes, I drew some blood and began the test.” Alec coughed from swallowing a pill wrong. “She said she’d wait and went out by the gazebo. The next thing I knew I saw Carlos bolted. Eva was gone as well. Neither returned.” _

_ When the doctor didn’t speak more and simply stared at Vaas, he finally released his lapels and put his gun away.  _

_ Suddenly it all made more sense. She was terrified, devastated by the possibility. She probably blamed him for it, as well she should. It was his fault. He should have exercised some care with her, but his yearning, selfishness and impatience got the better of him over and over. He couldn’t help but come at her with voracity. The need was too much. _

_ Her inexplicable venom against him wasn't so baffling anymore. She was destroyed by the news; in the grips of terror when he called her. The overreaction to Eka had been a red herring, a distraction. A bit of subterfuge to stop him from getting to the heart of the matter, something that she probably didn’t want to talk or think about. She probably refused to tell him what troubled her because she thought he’d be overjoyed by something that made her shake with dread.  _

_ She’d said that she could die from it. He knew it was true, he’d known of a few women who’d died from childbirth or had lost their baby from it. Before, he’d dismissed her fear by justifying that it wasn’t common. More women lived than died by a large amount. Now that he was actually playing Russian roulette, instead of just talking about it, and Eva's head was the one the gun barrel was pressed against… It was too much of a risk. He wouldn’t do that to her. He couldn’t. _

_ It was surprising how quickly forgiveness overtook his previous anger for what she’d done. She’d run, yes, but he understood why. It wasn’t because she was fleeing from him particularly. She was panicking, frantically running from something she couldn’t run from.  _

_ I _ _ diot that he was, he’d jumped to the wrong conclusion and it’d ended up a royal fucking mess. _

_ There he was, standing in Doctor Earnhardt’s greenhouse torn in two. Excited, hopeful, but plagued by guilt and tormented by worry. All of it over his missing soulmate and perhaps his baby within her. _

_ Vaas was a man of action. When trouble came, he acted. Trouble was here, but what could he do? He’d looked for her, but he couldn’t do that forever. He had to appease Hoyt or there would be more hell tossed into the already volatile mix of problems. He’d have to hope that someone could take advantage of the bounty for her return and just wait it out.  _

_ But it wasn’t enough. He needed to do something more productive. _

_ It didn’t help anything either that he was drowning in need. His body ached painfully for her at any given moment. It would come in waves and didn’t make sense to him. The whole time they’d been apart before she ran, he’d wanted her and felt a need for her. His thoughts would always drift and dwell on her when he wasn’t actively thinking of something else. Still, he hadn’t felt like he was going to fall to pieces or be ripped apart unless he could have her again. This need was on the level it'd been on just before she'd cut her hand up. Why? The lack of an answer infuriated him. _

_ Greater still, he knew that she felt it too. When he suffered, she suffered too. Lesser, but it was still there. _

_ She needed him. They were better together. Whether or not she would admit it. And if he could get her back, he’d show her. Eat her out until she begged him to stop. Shower her in gifts until she had more than she could ever need. Anything she needed or wanted. If only she’d come back and stay. _

_ If she was pregnant he’d do even more. He’d surprise the hell out of her with what he’d do. Show her that she didn’t need to be afraid. He’d do everything he needed to make it possible for her to happily bear his children. Everything and anything. All for her. _

_ He started forming a plan of action in his mind. He might not be able to drop everything to search until she was found but he’d sure as fuck make sure that everything would be better when she got back.  _

_ No. Not just better…. Fucking perfect. He felt he knew what she wanted by now. He'd give it to her with a cherry on top. _

_ First things first, he had to know what he was working with. He needed certainty. His plans could be greatly affected depending on one looming variable. _

_ Alec was bent over, picking the plant and broken terracotta off the floor. _

_ "Tell me.” Vaas began, still holding to his intimidating demeanor. “What did that fucking test say?” _

* * *

If Hardy’s shift was going to be a night, I would sleep during the day. Just like he did. I wouldn’t allow him to take advantage of me like I slept. But as soon as I closed my eyes I worried about Laurel. He hadn’t specifically said he was on board with raping me, like Hardy had, but he didn’t vehemently refuse to either. I had to sleep sometime. I was already exhausted from my ordeal with Buck. I doubted I would be able to stay awake for long. 

Hardy made a snoring noise and I flinched at the sound. I was so on edge. 

“How long since Vaas got you?” Laurel asked from his seat at the wobbly table a few feet away. He was playing a solitaire game of some kind.

“Why do you care?” I was keenly aware that giving either of my guards information could mean that Hoyt learned more about me or about Vaas. I didn’t want to give that man anything else.

“Whoa.” He put his hands up like he was surrendering. “No need for the fucking attitude. I’m just trying to talk to you.”

“Why would you want to talk to me? I’m just your prisoner. Who cares what the hell I think about anything?” I turned up the sass.

“Look, princess.I don’t know how long we’re going to be here. I’m just trying to pass the fucking time.” He gave me a sardonic look. “We don’t have to make that time pleasant, I guess.”

“Sorry if I was short with you.” I said trying to sound regretful. “I think I have a few reasons to be tense, though.”

Laurel nodded, “I guess you do. Though I’d think you’d be relieved not having to deal with Buck anymore. He’s one sick fuck.”

I wondered at the justification of his judgement. He didn’t seem opposed to rape in general, just when it was against orders, and here he was saying that Buck was fucked up.

“Yeah, he was, but he didn’t threaten to rape me when he got bored enough.” I murmured.

“ _ Him?” _ Laurel nodded toward Hardy. “He likes to talk a big game. He’s too scared of Hoyt and Vaas to try anything.”

I looked at Laurel with wide eyes and shook my head. I tried to convey that he’d already threatened me directly, touched me inappropriately several times. The man that was in the armchair wasn’t kidding around about it. He was biding his time.

Laurel looked at me with derisive disbelief and gave a scoffing laugh.

“Please don’t leave me alone with him.” I whispered. It was a gamble, trying to appeal to Laurel. I didn’t know anything about him, except he seemed less evil than Hardy.

“Nobody’s going to do anything to you. Unless Hoyt tells us to, and that depends on your man, Vaas. He plays along with Hoyt’s rules, you’re going to be fine. Barker’s just running his mouth, trust me. You can relax already.”

Hardy’s real name was Barker. I preferred Hardy and decided to stick to my mocking nickname.

“How long did your boss say you’d be here?” I asked. “Did he have an estimate?”

“Yeah, however long it took for Vaas to kill Snow White.” He smiled, picking up his cards.

“Snow White?” I raised an eyebrow. Surely he didn’t mean the pale fairy tale princess.

“Yeah, it’s a nickname for this white fool who went native.” Laurel shuffled the cards before putting them in a well-worn box. “Apparently, Vaas just let him go for some fucking reason. Now he’s ripping his way through the island.”

It was my fault. This whole fucking situation was my fault. I had no doubt in my mind that “Snow White” was the one that Vaas spared for our deal. The thing that Vaas wouldn’t tell me about, the thing that was keeping him from sleep and keeping him from me was all my fault.

“Do you know ‘Snow White’s’ real name?”

“Jason Brody.” Laurel said it with an acidic tone.

I nodded thinking. Hoyt was supposedly only going to hold me until Jason was killed, like Vaas would have done in the first place if I hadn’t tried to force Vaas to be morally upstanding. I felt the tears forming.

I could have been in Vaas’s arms right now if I hadn’t been so ashamed of myself or him. Now things were so fucked up I didn’t know how I could handle it. I didn’t know how I could fix my own mistakes.

“Hey, don’t cry.” Laurel looked at me like he didn’t know what to do and he stood up. “Hoyt’s fucking pissed, but Vaas’ll get him. He might have already.”

He walked over to me with his arms open.

“Do you want a hug?” He looked at me with some concern and I didn’t know if I should believe him or not. Was this hug a trap of some kind?

My first instinct was to refuse the embrace. Then I noticed the yellow radio on his belt. If I could get that radio, I might be able to get word to Vaas, figure out some way of informing him where I was. He could rescue me from Laurel and Hardy, Hardy especially. Maybe as soon as a few hours. I was excited by the idea. Even if Laurel meant something unsavory by the hug, it was worth it to get the radio.

I stopped holding the tears back and let them fall freely. I nodded at Laurel and he pulled me up into his arms and hugged me tight. I wrapped my arms around him and reached for the radio.

“Do you feel better?” He asked after a few seconds.

I nodded, feeling the radio tug free.

Laurel let me go and I quickly tucked the radio into my jeans behind my back and sat down.

“Thank you.” I said with a slight smile.

“No problem. Bitches need hugs sometimes.” He smiled and sat in his chair at the table. I could tell he thought he was charming.

I had a limited amount of time before he’d notice the radio was missing. Less if someone on the channel got chatty. I needed to get some privacy.

“Do you have a bathroom?” I looked around the shack, noticing that it was only one room. This plan was looking rather doomed.

“There’s an outhouse.” He pointed behind me through the window. I turned my head to see a small, decrepit shed. “You go out the front door, the chain is long enough to reach.”

I was disgusted but I gave a small nod. I stood up carefully and pulled my shirt down over the radio and walked out the front door. The chain dragged heavily, making me look like I was limping. The chain was barely long enough, I wouldn’t have been able to walk a foot past the outhouse. 

I pulled open the outhouse door. Immediately I was greeted by an unpleasant stench. The “toilet” was made from wood as well. The seat was just planks of weathered wood with a hole in the middle.The worst part was. There were several spiders in the corners of the ceiling. They weren’t small ones, like I was used to. They were large, exotic sorts I’d never seen before. I timorously stepped inside the small space, ducking for the spiders. I couldn’t close fully because of my chain so there was a long gap around three sides of the door. It didn’t seem like much to worry about in comparison to the spiders and there were many other gaps where daylight streamed through anyway.

I pulled the radio out of my jeans and twisted the know to turn down the volume almost completely. Then I looked at the channel. I had no idea what channel Vaas and his men used. I’d have to go through them one at a time, I was pretty sure that it wasn’t the channel the radio was currently on though. I clicked the button to shift to a new channel and held the transmitting button down.

“Testing. Comeback.” I said in as gruff a voice as I could manage. I released the button and waited for a response. When there was none I moved on to the next channel and tried again.

I kept trying channels waiting for someone to say something, but it was looking like I wasn’t getting any luck. I was running out of time, any moment Laurel would get suspicious and come to check on me. I tried not to get upset, but every time I heard nothing back it got harder to stay positive.

I was on the last channel. I pressed the button and prayed that it’d work.

“Testing. Comeback.” I waited. There was several seconds of silence.

“Who the fuck is this?” A heavily accented voice asked.

I tried not to scream excitedly.

“What fucker is going through all the channels ‘testing?’ What the fuck is going on.”

He sounded annoyed..

“Yeah, sorry.” I said, still trying to sound like a man. “The radio got soaked, thought it was busted. Just checking.” I responded.

“Yeah, just try one fucking channel. We’re scanning them all for Snow White. We’ll fucking hear you.”

“Good to know. Who am I talking to?”

“What the fuck do you mean  _ who? _ Sharif who else?” He sounded very annoyed now, but he seemed to belong to Vaas’s pirates. I suspected that most of Hoyt’s men were probably white, if Laurel and Hardy were anything to go off of. “Who the fuck is this?”

What was I supposed to say? My name? I wanted Vaas to know where I was, no one else. How was I supposed to achieve that?

The sound of the front door opening alarmed me further.

“Hey, you okay?” Laurel asked as he stepped out on to the porch, I could see him through the cracks in the door.

I had to say something. Even if it was fucking stupid or made no sense. Something that could tell Vaas that I didn’t just run away, that I was taken and trying to get back.

“This is Carlos.” I began as quietly as I could. “Tell Vaas that his mermaid wants to come home.”

Sharif responded with a confused string of expletives immediately. I cut him off by turning the sound down.

“Are you going to answer? Hello?” Laurel pulled out his gun and walked toward the outhouse. I only had a few seconds to cover this up.

I switched the channel back to the original one with trembling fingers. 

“Hey, Vaas’s girl?” Laurel was about to open the door.

I pushed the door open quickly and wrapped myself around his torso, clinging to him tightly.

“I can’t stand the spiders! I can’t use a bathroom like this!” I cried melodramatically while slipping the radio back on his belt.

He pushed me off gently and peered into the outhouse. He sighed heavily and put the gun back in it’s holster.

“I’m so sorry!” I continued. “I tried, I  _ really _ tried but I couldn’t do it!”

“It’s fine.” He murmured and went into the outhouse and began to kill the spiders he saw and dropping their corpses down the hole. “There.”

“Are you sure they’re all gone?” I asked, trying to look petrified.

“Yeah, yeah. They’re all dead. Go and shit already.” He huffed as he walked back inside the shack.

I smiled before entering the outhouse again, this time with a sense of triumph.  
  
I pulled it off.  
  
Laurel hadn’t noticed anything. He’d underestimated me. Probably thought I looked too pathetic to be that sort of trouble. They probably assumed I was just a weak or submissive sort. Not expecting someone wily and cunning.

Good.  
  
I'd keep it that way right up until the moment that I escaped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's song is "Vermilion, Pt. 2" by Slipknot. I love the songs that Corey Taylor sings. Really sings. They make me cry. This beautiful sounding song was written from the perspective of a stalker. I know that Vaas isn't necessarily a stalker, but the jealous, dark, frustrated feelings he has, coupled with the inability to be with Eva right now and the misgivings he has about the future fits so well. The lyrics feel perfect.
> 
> There isn't going to be another chapter this week. I'm so busy this weekend, I barely managed to get this chapter out. Sorry. Thanks for your patience. I'll catch you next week.


	38. Together Burning Bright

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vaas has a visitor. Buck alters the deal. Pray he doesn't alter it any further.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's Labor day, so it's still the weekend for me. I technically still made my self-imposed deadline! ;P  
> Sorry I couldn't post this sooner. I had family over for most of the weekend, took up a lot of my time. Better late than never right?

_Vaas had to find Eva. The need for her felt like something crawling and clawing under his skin. He was suffocating even though there was air all around him. Pain would sweep up in waves, he could barely stay standing. It was getting harder to hide from his men. The worst this feeling had been before was when he was on the floor of the bathroom, begging Eva to let him touch her. It was worse now and somehow he had to work through it._

_It felt like death or even madness. And he deserved every second of it._

_He was at the prison camp where he’d first taken Eva, hiding out in his dark shack trying not to shout or scream out his despair for everyone to hear. He had been pacing manically for hours, but now he was laid back on the mattress staring at the rusted ceiling completely useless in his suffering. He didn’t know how long he could go on like this. Would it just get worse? God, what a thought. The misery endlessly deepening until he had her back or he died.  
_

_He brushed the thought away and closed his eyes for a moment, trying to push the feeling away like he suspected Eva could._

_After a few minutes he was still disquiet with a lust tainted need. It was still as strong as ever. Was there any relief?_

_Suddenly he felt hands on his thighs. He jerked his head up to see who the fuck dared to bother him in the midst of his torture. He could see a figure in the darkness but not who it was. They began to climb over the top of him and he could see the curve of a feminine torso. He wondered if his men had got a whore from Bad Town for him._

_**Idiots.** _

_No one else could help him except Eva. He’d find the guys who’d done it and make them wish they’d spent more effort finding his Sirenita instead of wasting it on a worthless piece of ass he was just going to throw out of his shack._

_“Get the fuck out of here. I’m not in the mood.” He said through gritted teeth._

_The figure halted for a moment like they weren’t sure what he’d said. Vaas’s hand settled on the gun in his holster. If the bitch wouldn’t get off him he’d use it. He wasn’t in the mood to ask twice and he was itching to see if some violence would offer relief._

_The figure looked down at him in the darkness quietly. He pulled his gun from the holster. Whoever it was, noticed the gun and seemed to be eyeing it cautiously._

_“Are you fuck-” He said lifting the gun and aiming it toward the dark figure but they grabbed his wrist and pushed his gun down, pinning his wrist to the mattress._

_Vaas was stronger, he could have easily overtaken them, but the sensation that spread from their skin contact stole his breath away._

_It was cool and calming. Soothing him in an instant, ending his suffocation._

_“Eva?” He asked finally, unable to believe it._

_The figure leaned in and kissed him._

_She wasn’t speaking but he knew this kiss. The tentative fervor of her movements, the slight trembling in her lips. He forsook his gun and sat up, pulling her tighter to him. He did his best to get control of the kiss and she seemed to melt into him, like she would when she gave up fighting him._

_As his need began to sate itself, he began to wonder at the possibility of the current situation. Was this real? It felt real. She moved and behaved like Eva did. She even ground her hips over his quickly hardening erection in a way that he couldn’t tell if it was on purpose or by accident like Eva did._

_He shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth, but why wouldn’t she speak to him? Why couldn’t he hear the lovely little gasps and moans that Eva made when he’d touch her intimately?_

_She wasn’t wearing a stitch of clothing and his hands tried to take in and memorize the shape of every inch._

_How had she gotten into the camp? How had she made it past his men, and naked on top of it?_

_“Where the fuck have you been?” He asked in an angry tone as he flipped her down onto the bed and underneath him. “Where did you run to?”_

_She didn’t say anything, he worried that she was injured or sick. His hand drifted over her throat feeling for something that would solve the mystery of her silence. Her throat felt soft, smooth, normal. Not a hint of something that would stop her speech._

_“Are you sick?” He asked. He could see her shaking her head adamantly._

_Was she mad at him? Giving him the silent treatment because of what happened with Eka?_

_She didn’t seem angry. She also had seemed quite willing to fuck, climbing over him, kissing him, teasing him by moving her hips on him..._

_He began to pull away his clothing in between leaning down and kissing her. He wasn’t going to waste any time making up for their lengthy and tense separation._

_When he got to his boots he was too eager and impatient to bother unlacing them, so he kept them on, letting his pants bunch around the top of them. He needed to be inside her now._

_He lined himself up with her pussy and started to push into her, she was wonderfully slick. Usually once he’d entered her she'd become a mewling mess. She gripped the sheets like she was affected, but she was as silent as the grave._

_The beautiful, blissed out melody of her heated moans was missing. It was like watching your favorite movie on mute. It miffed him, but the sensation of her squeezing down on his cock carried him onward._

_The feeling was so fucking amazing and strange, like always. She felt soothing and cool against him, but when he was sheathed in her tight pussy it was hot too somehow. Pacifying but invigorating all at once. He pulled her knees over his shoulders as he slid into her until he couldn’t go any further. She bucked her hips against him and her head tossed against the sheets like she was losing herself._

_He didn't know why she wouldn't make a peep, but he took it as a challenge. He’d fuck her so good she wouldn’t be able to help but make some kind of sound. He’d have her screaming his name again, end her bizarre vow of silence, in no time._

_He pulled out of her a bit and gripped her thighs hard. He then pulled her towards himself while slamming forward with his hips. He used the angle to grind the head of his dick against a spot that he'd noticed made her fall to pieces. He bottomed out and groaned as he felt his balls brush her buttocks. She clawed at the sheets, he could hear the air entering her lungs as she panted hard and quick, but she still didn’t make a sound._

_Why? What the fuck was this? Some sort of punishment? Some attempt at being kinky? Was she trying to fucking tease him?_

_He leaned down as he banged her, kissing her neck, one of the biggest weak points she had. She arched her back and gripped his arms with her nails but still he heard nothing. Not one peep._

_It wasn’t possible. She should be screaming._

_He felt her go rigid against him and felt the tight, hard fluttering squeeze around his member. She came hard in absolute silence. It was maddening. He wanted to cum too but her silence disturbed him, holding him taut and suspended between intense arousal and utter bewilderment._

_What could make her able to do this? She'd never been able to stay silent before. Why would she even want to?_

_He suddenly remembered what an absolute bastard he was. What he’d done. Why he would deserve something like this._

_“Lo siento. Lo siento mucho.” He whispered, pulling away from her and sitting on the edge of the bed, scratching over the scar on his head._

_She shifted on the mattress after a moment and wrapped her arms around his chest from behind, resting her head on his shoulder affectionately._

_“I’m so fucking sorry.” His voice broke. “You should hate me.”_

_She shook her head and held him tighter._

_“Shit.” he cursed himself under his breath and stood up, pulling his pants back on. He went to leave the shack, clear his head somehow. But as he got to the door she pulled him back firmly. She turned him so that he was facing her and put her hands around his face, like she was trying to reassure him._

_He didn’t deserve her forgiveness, but he wanted it all the same. He wanted to hear her say his name or anything really to buoy him up against the blackness that seeped through him more thickly since she’d ran. She still wasn't talking, despite the show of concern and love. What did he have to do?_

_He fell to his knees and wrapped his arms around her thighs and pressed his cheek against the skin just under her navel._

_She ran her fingers through his mohawk lovingly._

_“I’m so fucking sorry.” He kissed her belly. “The Doc told me. It’s my fault.” He caressed his hand gently over where their child was._

_She stiffened, her fingers tugging at his hair painfully. He didn’t respond to the pain, he deserved it._

_“Forgive me, Eva. Please.” He begged, uncaring that his men might hear the emotion in his voice. He worried that she wouldn't deal with it well, that she'd try to kill herself or the baby. Yet, he didn't have any thing to comfort her with, not yet. Just some vague promises she likely wouldn't believe._

_She pulled away, shoving him off. She stood in the darkness, glaring down at him. He could see the disbelief in her posture._

_“Eva… Please.” He felt fragile, so fucking broken. He didn’t deserve to have her stay but he didn’t think he could stand watching her go. “Fucking say something.”_

_She didn’t say anything, she only looked down at herself with trepidation. Her hand slowly felt over her abdomen cautiously, like she was touching a ticking bomb. Then she whipped her hand away and clawed her fingers into her hair and she hunched over like she was screaming. Still she made no sound._

_Vaas then suspected that she wasn’t silent by choice. Perhaps she wasn’t tormenting him like he assumed. But if she wasn’t damaged, or sick… what could keep her from speaking?_

_She started to pace back and forth by the foot of the mattress, like he'd done hours before, holding herself with agitation. She was opening her mouth like she was yelling something, but she was still inaudible._

_Vaas wanted to hear her, even if she was renouncing him for the fucking asshole he was, even if she was swearing that she’d never seen him again. She could be threatening an abortion, but he still needed to hear her._

_In the morbid silence there was suddenly a sound. He could hear metal clanking against metal. He looked down and saw a length of chain flickering into existence. It extended through the door to a shackle around Eva’s ankle. Clanking as she kicked it out of her way while she paced angrily._

_This was fucking magic. It couldn’t be real. What in the actual fuck?_

_His attention shifted away from the chain when Eva fell dramatically to the floor, curling up and sobbing. He could hear her cry. He was so happy for the briefest of moments, until he realized that the sound represented how he'd fucking failed her yet again._

_This situation was weird as fuck. Still, amidst her cacophony of inconsolable wails and sobs he couldn’t help but go to her side and pull her up into his arms. She pushed against him._

_“No. No!” She screamed bitterly. “Don’t fucking touch me!”_

_He probably hated those words more than any others he’d heard her say. The part of him that was broken wanted him to give her what she said she wanted and let her go, he deserved whatever shit she wanted to dump on him. But the part of him that would never be completely broken and would never stop needing or wanting her, wouldn’t allow him let her go. She was just scared, it reasoned. After she’d cried her tears she’d need him, whether or not she liked it._

_“Eva… Just fucking breathe.” He tried to soothe her but she only bawled against his bare chest, hitting him weakly._

_He expected her to reprove him once she calmed down. Tell him that his irresponsibility had lead to this. That she was doomed and it was his fault. Instead, as her tears stopped, she began to slip from his embrace. He tried to hold her tighter but it wasn’t any use. It was like she was a ghost. He clawed furiously to keep her there, but his hands drifted through her like she was nothing more than smoke._

_“Vaas?” She said in alarm as she realized that she was disappearing._

_“Eva! Don’t go! Don’t fucking leave me again!” He begged. "Not now!"_

_Her face was suddenly serious and she wiped the tears on her cheeks away._

_“It was Buck and Hoyt.” She hissed._

_He tried to understand what the fuck she was talking about, panic wouldn’t let him think._

_“I don’t fucking care about them. Stay with me!” He commanded like he had the power to keep her with him._

_“I’m on the radio. I’m pretending to be Carlos-” She suddenly faded completely._

_He stared wide-eyed and crazed. His hands felt around where she had been, trying to reach into whatever invisible spectrum she'd disappeared into and drag her back. He felt nothing but the weathered wood of the floor._

_“FUCK!! FUCK!!!” He roared._

* * *

_Vaas’s eyes opened and he lurched upright. He was in his shack at the prison camp, but it wasn’t dark. The sunlight shone through the cracks and gaps around him._

_Eva had been a dream. A nightmare. None of it was real._

_He shouted, gripping the sheets and tearing them in his frustration._

_It’d felt so real. He could feel her on his skin, soothing and perfect like she was. He could taste her as they kissed. Every sense was betrayed and perfectly duped by a nightmare. He felt cheated, wronged._

_He stood up with his teeth gritted and his fists balled up and roared again, slamming his fist against the wall, feeling his knuckles cut and scrape as they broke through the wooden siding. He tugged his fist back and looked at the blood lazily making it’s way down his hand and arm. He smiled thinking about how Eva would faint if she saw. Then he cursed himself again for thinking about her._

_He couldn’t think about anything else. Not really. Everything was somehow connected to her and his mind would find the path that directed him away from functional thought to the one that would harrow him with lust and need._

_Still, he felt less racked with the bond than he had before he slept. It was almost as if Eva really was in his dream. He tried to dismiss the possibility. That was crazy._

_His mind wouldn’t let it go. When he could dream about her life and feelings, was it really so much of a stretch that he could dream with her?_

_No. It was just a fucked up nightmare. It was his guilt trying to get the better of him._

_**It was Buck and Hoyt.** _

_He could hear her say the words so vividly as he remembered them. She said it like an accusation. Something true. If she was just his subconscious it meant that he knew it too. He was reluctant to think that Hoyt had her, because he’d been so careful to keep her hidden. Maybe he just wanted to believe he was careful enough to have gotten the better of Hoyt._

_If it was true that Hoyt had her it only made sense that Buck would have done the dirty work._

_“Fuck.”_

_It was really possible, wasn’t it? Not just possible but the most probable thing. The more he thought about it the more it made sense to him._

_Hoyt would want Eva for leverage to keep Vaas under his thumb. Buck’s sly, shit-eating behavior when he delivered Keith made sense too._

_“Fuck!”_

_Keith was probably payment for the kidnapping. The idea made him roil._

_There was a way to find out for sure._

_Vaas practically exploded out of the door and made his way to where they’d set up operations. His men looked at him warily but did little more than nod to him. They could tell he was in a black mood._

_Once he entered the shack he walked to a laptop and began looking up the manifest for transactions._

_His eyes scanned down the list until he saw, “Ramsay, Keith.”_

_He could see that Keith was bid on and that someone else had won him, but Buck was added hastily and messily as the highest bidder at the last second._

_He explored further and discovered that Buck hadn’t actually paid Hoyt a cent for his slave. Not a fucking penny._

_Vaas shoved everything off the makeshift table with vociferation. The laptop crashed to the floor and the screen broke and went dark. The blackness was pouring out of him. He wanted to fuck something or someone up beyond repair, but more than that he wanted Eva back._

_He reached for the phone on his belt and dialed up Buck._

_“Yeah, Mate. I haven’t found her yet.”_

_“Cut the bullshit, Buck. I know you took her you fucking cocksucker.” Vaas hissed. “You’re going to get her back, you queer fuck, or I’m going to tear your dick off and feed it to you.”_

_“Now, now, now, Vaas. Temper, temper. Talk like that’ll make me less inclined to find your sweet princess.” Vaas could hear the smile in Buck’s voice._

_“You know where she fucking is, you’re gonna tell me-”_

_“I knew. **Knew.** I don’t know where she is now. I have some ideas though. But I’m feeling like maybe I’d rather stay home and have fun with Keith.” _

_Vaas was so furious he couldn’t think of anything to retort. He couldn’t find the words to properly convey the depth of the murderous rage he felt._

_“What was that? I can’t hear you, mate.” Buck mocked him._

_“Buck, I swear to fucking God...” Vaas gritted his teeth, trying to formulate something insulting enough._

“Calm the fuck down. I’m just having some fun.” Buck chuckled.  
  
“Where is she, motherfucker? I know you know. Tell me and I won't leave marks.” Vaas was imagining the ways he’d kill Buck slow and painfully, then how he’d display his corpse.

_“Promises, promises.” Buck had a sadistic merriment in his tone. “Lucky for you, I’ve got a good eye on this fucking island, but my price has changed.”_

_“Price?” Vaas laughed like he was insane. “Your price is I’ll let you fucking live, hermano. Your price is that you get to keep fucking your pretty boy with half your dick still intact.”_

_“You think you can get me to talk and just go and find her?” Buck broke out into jeering laughter. “You couldn’t get me to talk in a million years. And even if you could, they see you or your men coming and say goodbye to your princess’s face. Bang, bang, Vaas.”_

_Buck was loving how worked up he was, the sadistic fuck. Vaas hated the idea that Eva had spent any time in the man’s company, even though he knew Buck wouldn’t be very interested in her physically. He wouldn’t be opposed to mentally harming her. Vaas’s chest felt heavy and tight. He wished he could reach through the phone and strangle the bastard._

_However, much he loathed Buck, he had a point. Hoyt would have likely made a contingency plan if Vaas or his men stumbled upon where he was hiding her. Especially if they were keeping her somewhere on his island. He’d have to play ball with Buck a while longer. His skin crawled._

_“What the fuck do you want?”_

_“Ah, yes. Down to brass tacks.” Buck sounded smug. Vaas wondered if his teeth would break from how hard he was grinding them. “There’s a knife I want. You’re going to get it for me.”_

_“What the fuck?”_

_“It’s art, history, fucking legend. I want it. That’s my price.” Buck said with a flourish. “You’ll get the girl when I get the knife in my hand.”_

_“Where the fuck is this knife?” Vaas rubbed his forehead and closed his eyes. He could already feel the headache forming._

_“I don’t know, but I know who does.” The hitman said it low like he was telling a sordid story. “Off the coast there’s a boat. Belongs to a treasure hunter looking for the knife. He’s got the information we want.”_

_It wasn’t uncommon for the occasional boat or yacht to show up along the coast. Vaas would take it upon himself to raid the vessels. They were often lightly guarded, if at all, and gave the biggest rewards. Vaas had outfitted his place with the appliances and fixtures he’d found in a particularly luxurious yacht. Most of the clothing that he’d given to Eva came from these yacht raids, collected over a few years on a whim. It’d paid off._

_Still, he hadn’t heard of a boat off the coast. Which meant the treasure hunter was staying far enough away as not to tip off Vaas or his men. Or that the boat was yet to arrive and somehow Buck had knowledge of it. Either way, Vaas could tell this endeavor would be a long and annoying one. He’d play along for now, but he’d sent his men to do the work for him. Now that he was sure that Eva was alive and on the island he could more confidently look for her. That would keep him busy, too busy to hunt down some special butter knife or whatever the fuck he wanted._

_Besides he wanted to find Eva and then surprised the shit out of Buck when he planted a bullet in his forehead for all the fucking trouble he caused._

_“You’ll get your knife, but you better not be playing with me, hermano.” He warned Buck knowing the fucker wouldn’t take it seriously._

_“Nice that we could come to an agreement.” Buck said. “I’m sure that your princess will appreciate it.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's song is "Together Burning Bright" by The Used.
> 
> Despite what anyone thinks, I had no idea if Eva was pregnant or not all the way up until this point. I couldn't decide. So, I flipped a coin. Chance decided. Which is fitting in a way, considering that most of getting pregnant is left to chance. 
> 
> So don't hate me! Hate the coin! ^_^;


	39. Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eva escapes a bad situation by the skin of her teeth. Vaas has a meeting with Hoyt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a new chapter for you! I hope you enjoy it. Sorry for the extreme delay. Thank you all for your wonderful comments and support.

I jolted awake and it took me a moment to remember where I was. Once I spotted hardy snoring on the broken arm chair I sighed heavily. I was still in the shack and still held hostage by Hoyt’s henchmen.

“Nightmares again?” Laurel asked from his favorite position at the small table in the middle of the room.

“Yeah, I think so.” I nodded rubbing the remaining sleep from my face.

“Want to talk about it?” Laurel was trying to play it cool but I was on to his game now. “It helps sometimes.”

For the past few days he’d been a perfect gentleman. He’d even turned his back so I could bathe in semi-privacy. He would invite me to play card games with him. I did a few times. I’d almost forgotten what he did for a living and that he was working for Hoyt. 

I wasn’t super suspicious of him until he started asking me questions. So many questions. About my life before the island, about my relationship with Vaas… Other things he should know better than to ask. Personal stuff. I realized he was probably trying to report to Hoyt. I was right to be wary and assume that my guards would feed information back to Hoyt. He _was_ a spy.

Once I as good as confirmed it, I cut him off from all information about me or Vaas, however benign that information seemed. I’d excuse myself with “feeling unwell” which I played off as being the catch-all for soulmate withdrawal. He seemed okay with it at first, but the more I refused to tell him things the harder he push and the more disappointed he’d seem when his efforts were futile.

Hoyt wouldn’t get anything out of me if I could help it and I had some big things he’d probably find valuable to know. Such as being 99% positive that I was pregnant. Who knows was dastardly things he’d do with that bit of info alone.

I had come to terms with the idea of being "with child." Sort of. I wasn't screaming and crying about it at least. Not like I had in the dream where Vaas told me I was. 

It'd gone from being a super erotic dream into a nightmare in milliseconds. Luckily, I'd gotten the dramatic, fretting and screaming over with in the dream, leaving no traceable clue of my distress to Laurel or Hardy.

Initially I believed it was more than a dream, that maybe Vaas was really dreaming with me, but since then I had dreams with Vaas in them and they were too bizarre and terrifying to be something the bond related. Not to mention, I'd told Vaas about being on the radio in the dream and if it was the real Vaas, surely he'd have gotten a clue by now and my attempts at radio contact would be more fruitful.

It was more plausible that these were just anxiety-fueled nightmares. All of them centered around Vaas and being pregnant. And all of them were supremely fucked up.

In the dream I'd just woken from I was running through the interior of a space ship, exactly like the Nostromo. I was even dressed up in a flight suit like I was Ellen Ripley. 

Of course it wasn’t long before being chased by what I had assumed was a monstrous alien creature. 

Luckily, it turned out to be Vaas. I only discovered this after running and hiding for what felt like hours.

Right after I embraced him with a great sense of relief I’d felt terrible pain in my abdomen. Vaas seemed concerned at first. He tried to help me and held my hand. But when an evil baby started to claw its way out of my body like a chestburster and my blood and guts were spurting everywhere, he just pulled the infant from my ruined body and smiled at me saying things like; “She’s beautiful just like you,” “Fuck, she’s so perfect," “I can’t wait to have another one.” He also spoke in Spanish, or at least the gibberish my brain thought was Spanish. 

I protested his enthusiasm, and he looked at me like he was completely clueless that I was dying.  Then I woke up horrified.

These nightmares were vivid. I could feel Vaas’s sparking fire on my skin when he touched me, but it couldn't be the real Vaas. At least I was unwilling to believe it was. Vaas, callous and cruel as he could be, wouldn't be that horrible. Not with me. I hoped.

In any case, I wasn’t going to say a thing about my dream to Laurel. So it was better to pretend I didn’t remember.

“I can’t remember anything but feeling scared.” I lied to him.

His brow creased with disappointment and he gave me a disbelieving stare.

“Sorry, I don’t remember my dreams. I never have.” I lied again.

He sighed and stood up from the table tapping a pack of cigarettes until one popped out. He headed for the door for a smoke break.

Once he was out of view I took a few deep breaths and tried to truly forget the dream. I was having a hard enough time dealing with the idea of being pregnant without the mind games my dreams were trying to play on me. Tackling the realization that it was true was difficult without screaming and crying and being pitiful, miserable and terrified as it was without the pain and gore heaped on me while I slept.

I cautiously rested my hand over my womb. I was sort of terrified that some monster baby would come clawing out of me, however ridiculous it was. A nd even when I was able to get over that nonsense, I had harsh logic crush down on me. 

I was going to have to make plans, figure out a way to get decent medical care. I was going to have to leave. Some way or another I would have to leave the island. I would have to get to a country with modern medicine and stay there at least until I gave birth.

I didn’t like the idea of leaving Vaas. I hated it. I didn’t even know if I could stand it, but I couldn’t think of any other option. Vaas couldn’t come with me. Could he? I couldn’t imagine that his and Hoyt’s antics would go completely unnoticed by the governments of the world. I didn’t know, but I didn’t want him to end up in prison for the rest of his life because I demanded he come with me. If he stayed on the island, I could at least rest easier knowing that I could come back at some point, and that he would be there, instead of barred from me for several lifetimes.

I couldn’t wait until I was free from Hoyt’s men and back with Vaas, but the idea was tainted by the thought that I couldn’t talk to him about any of my deepest concerns. I wasn’t sure how much I could trust him with this situation. I worried that if I told him anything he’d preemptively lock me up to keep me here. That he wouldn’t see the necessity of my departure. That he’d rather risk my death than let me leave.

I heard Laurel’s radio go off and I was instantly filled with trepidation.

I’d taken his radio three more times since the first time and tried to get through to Vaas or convince Sharif that I was on the level. I hadn’t had any success. Sharif was convinced that I was just some resident fucking with him for kicks. He swore over and over if he ever found me he’d shoot me in my lying mouth. I couldn’t find whatever channel Vaas used and as far as I knew no one who heard me was going to tell Vaas a thing.

Laurel answered the radio and walked further away from the shack. I couldn’t understand what the conversation was about. Maybe Sharif was ratting me out… I didn’t want to think about what would happen if I got caught.

I got up from the couch and looked out the door cautiously.

Laurel was talking into the radio with a look of dismay and disbelief on his face. Dread crashed down on me, making me nauseous. After a few moments he started walking back toward the shack and I rushed as quietly as I could back to the couch, trying to look like my heart wasn’t pounding in my throat and I didn’t feel like puking.

He stepped inside and started gathering up a couple of things. He didn’t look at me.

“Is something wrong?” I asked playing it off like I was bored.

He looked up at me and frowned. I felt more sick.

“Hey. Asshole. Wake up.” He said loudly to Hardy who didn’t respond.

He walked over and kicked Hardy’s boot.

“Wake up!” He said louder with more annoyance. Hardy snorted awake and looked around.

“What the fuck is up?” He grumbled.

“You gotta watch her. I have to go.” Laurel said, picking up his rifle.

“The hell I do! It’s your fucking shift!” Hardy jumped to his feet angrily.

“Watch her. I’ll be back in a half hour or so.” Laurel ignored Hardy’s protests and headed out the door.

“You’re fucking mistaken if you think I’m going to cover your fucking shift while you get a quickie in Badtown!” Hardy shouted after him but I could hear the sound of the SUV roaring to life and peeling out.

“Motherfucker!” Hardy cursed in the doorway.

I was bewildered. I felt some of the dread go, if I’d been caught Laurel would have addressed it right then, he wouldn’t have left suddenly. But I couldn’t relax. He looked upset about something and he’d had a conversation with someone over the radio before hand. I hoped that it was because Vaas had finally killed Jason and Laurel was bringing him to me. Somehow that seemed too optimistic.

My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Hardy slumping on to the chair by the table. He looked at me with his usual hunger. I didn’t like that look, and it was the only one he gave me besides being angry at my refusals.

He propositioned me two more times since the first time and I had a feeling that he wasn’t opposed to escalating his efforts to full on assault or rape. The more I said no, the more he seemed interested. I couldn’t riddle my way to a solution that would stop his advances for good. Laurel didn’t seem to notice or believe me when I’d try to warn him or ask him for assistance. Ironically it was the one piece of information I wasn’t opposed to sharing with him in detail.

“Do you want to play a game?” Hardy grinned at me in that perverted way of his.

“No.” I said without looking at him directly.

“You play with that fucker, Cole.” He protested.

Cole was Laurel's real name.

“I don’t want to do anything  with you.” I said dully. Hardy looked like he’d smelled something unpleasant.

When he didn’t say anything further I looked out the window and began fidgeting with the ring Vaas gave me. I spun it around my finger. It felt slightly looser than it had when I first put it on. It wasn’t surprising, I wasn’t all that hungry as of late. With everything that was going on was it any wonder why I'd lost my appetite?

“What’s that ring about?” Hardy asked, trying again.

“None of your business.” I murmured, still looking out the window.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” He hissed.

I rolled my eyes at him.

“I’m being nice.” He said flatly.

“I know what you want. You aren’t getting anything from me. Go to Badtown for your kicks like the rest of you bastards do.” I said without a drop of emotion. Showing that I was affected by him in any way would be giving him what he wanted.

Hardy glared at me in silence for a minute or two before standing up and walking toward me. I worried what he might do but I acted like I didn’t care. He sat on the couch across from me and stared more intently.

After a while I couldn’t stand it anymore and stood up and started walking toward the door.

“Where the fuck do you think you’re going?” He growled.

I didn’t answer and walked outside and toward the outhouse. I sort of had to go. Well, I could go if I tried to, there was no urgency. I was just using it as an opportunity to get away from him. Honestly, I was quite tempted to stay in there, horrid smell, spiders and all if it meant I would have some sort of barrier between Hardy and I.

He rushed out behind me and yanked me by my elbow. I pulled away from his grip.

“Don’t touch me.” I warned.

“What do you think you’re doing?”

“What does it look like I’m doing?” I retorted.

“Escaping.” He smiled slyly.

“Ha. That’s rich. You’re so funny.” I said sarcastically without smiling and continued on to the outhouse.

I opened the door and stepped inside and turned to close the door but it wouldn’t move. I looked to see if the chain had inhibited it’s closure. The culprit turned out to be a thick, gloved hand. Hardy was holding the door open.

“The door stays open, Princess.” He smirked at me looking me over hungrily.

“Stop calling me that and stop being a dick.” I warned him, my expressionless tone waning.

“I don’t want you disappearing on me.” He said.

“With a steel chain on my leg? In an older than fuck outhouse? Who the fuck do you think I am? Houdini?” I glared at him.

“I’ve seen some pretty freaky shit on this island. I wouldn’t say it was impossible.”

I rolled my eyes at his response.

“I’ll close the door if you give me something for my trouble.” He offered.

“There are whores on this island that’ll be happy to suck you off for a little green. I wouldn’t do it for a mine of gold.” I shoved him out of the doorway and pulled the door closed as much as I could.

I didn’t have but a few seconds before he laid his big hands on the door and ripped it from it’s rusty hinges, cursing angrily. The old wood was tossed to the ground a couple yards away. I looked at him bewildered. 

“What the fuck is wrong with YOU??” I fired his earlier question back at him.

“You think you’re too good for me don’t you?” He said with a bit of a huff. “Too good for Barker, huh?! We’ll fucking see!”

I looked behind him, toward the overgrown dirt road that led to the shack and I wished with everything I had that Laurel would come back.

“What are you waiting for? Piss already!” He shouted. 

I glared at him.

I didn’t have to put up with this. I’d just wait unless Laurel was back and go then. Fuck his sexual predator meta.

I tried to step out of the outhouse but he shoved me back.

“You said you have to use the facilities. USE THEM.” He sneered.

I scoffed and tried to step out again.

“I have the fucking gun. I make the fucking rules.” He unholstered his gun and waved it in my face. “Get to it, Princess. Chop chop.”

I hated being called Princess. I’d been called it before by others, but Hardy had a way of saying it that I couldn’t stand.

“You can’t hurt me.” I looked at him insolently. “Not without getting a bullet in your head for your trouble.”

“You think Hoyt gives a flying fuck about you? We’re on orders to blow your brains out if we see Vaas or his men anywhere near here without Hoyt’s permission.” He sounded certain of himself.

I didn’t believe it. Why bother with me at all if you would dump your leverage the moment it was threatened? If Hoyt had made such an order he was a poor businessman.

“Uhuh. I’m sure. That makes a lot of fucking sense doesn’t it?” I mocked him. “You must think I’m stupid.”

“Don’t believe me? Put it to the test.” He challenged me.

“It’s not a matter of belief. You won’t shoot me either way.” I shoved him back again, but this time he didn’t move as much. “Even if that order wasn’t utter bullshit, you’d have a tough time making it stick.”

“Is that so?” He scoffed.

“Yeah, where is Vaas or his men? Where are their corpses? Good luck getting some on such short notice. Hoyt will eat you alive, then Vaas will mutilate whatever’s left over.” I pushed him back again, harder. “So either fix the fucking door, turn your fucking back or let me fucking go!”

After a moment of silent reflection he lunged at me, taking me by surprise. Hhis hand wrapped around the back of my head and he pressed his rough lips on mine. 

I never wanted to kiss someone other than Vaas and now that I had I realized why. It felt like kissing a corpse, it felt completely dead and utterly disgusting. 

I kneed his groin and he buckled over with a miserable groan. I kicked him backward as hard as I could. He fell back on his ass.

“You motherfucking pig!” I screamed at him and took the opening I made to escape the confines of the outhouse. He couldn’t corner me as easily out in the open. “You fucking idiot! What makes you think I could EVER want a piece of shit like you?”

I made for the shack, intent on barring the door on him then reporting his assault to Laurel when he returned. 

I suddenly tripped hard and slammed on the ground, it knocked the wind out of me. I wheezed and looked back to see Hardy holding my chain, he had a villainous smile on his face.

“Let the chain go.” I said once I could breathe again.

“You like to talk a big game, don’t you? Pretend you’re better than me? Pretending you’re better than a common whore? That’s hilarious. The whole island knows what you’re about, Princess.”

“Stop calling me that!” I screamed at him.

“Why? That’s what they call you down in Badtown. Vaas’s little fucking Princess.”

I felt sick remembering those pictures that Buck took. He wasn’t lying when he said he’d sell copies apparently. I couldn’t stand the idea of it. Something that was supposed to be special and private so publicly exposed…

“Shut the fuck up!” I screamed at him again.

He pulled on my chain dragging me toward him. I grabbed my end of the chain and tugged back trying to rip it from his hands, it wasn’t much use.

“I just want a little taste of what you gave Vaas. You think he’s big? I’m from Texas, we invented big!” He declared pridefully. “You won’t want anything else once you ride me, Princess.”

In the panic and revulsion that was coursing through me, I realized something; Hardy was insecure about Vaas. 

He thought he should be better than him, but he knew he wasn’t. His obsession with me was all about getting one over on Vaas. Proving that he was superior at something. It made sense. Vaas was formidable and Hoyt valued him highly. His effort to kidnap me and hold me was proof of that. But Hoyt wouldn’t bat an eye if Hardy bit the big one. He was probably some sort of racist, couldn’t stand that Vaas was higher on the totem pole than he was.

I had made the mistake of assuming he wanted to fuck a white girl, or at least an American, like he’d said. I should have realized that to a fucker like Hardy, all women equated to pretty much the same thing. What made me special, gave me value, was that I had been with Vaas, I could compare him directly to his rival and declare a winner. What an idiot.

It was time to change tactics.

I started laughing at him. Not light chuckles either. It was full on I-might-pee-my-pants-this-is-so-funny laughter. Hardy stopped pulling me toward him and frowned, confused.

“What the fuck is so funny?” He grit his teeth angrily, I could see the muscle of his jaw expand with the effort.

“You think you could be better than Vaas at anything. A piece of shit like you!” I laughed harder and he pointed his gun at me again. I raised my hands in surrender and “tried” to hold the laughter back.

“Stop laughing!” He growled menacingly.

“I can’t help it. It’s too funny.” I chuckled.

“You think I’m not big? I fucking show you!” He said coming closer to me and fiddling with his belt buckle. I worried I might have overplayed my hand and he might rape me anyway just to prove himself. Luckily, he halted when his fly was about halfway down and furrowed his brow like he didn’t understand something. I snorted with laughter when I realized that he couldn’t get it up.

“Shut the fuck up!” He roared.

“I’m sorry!” I stopped laughing. “You shouldn’t feel so bad. Lots of men have difficulty with that now and then. So don’t feel bad.”

He looked at me with an unreadable expression.

“Of course, Vaas never has that problem.” I said and he started murmuring profanity and death threats under his breath. He walked away from me, back toward the outhouse and pulled out a cigarette and took a long drag looking a bit embarrassed.

It seemed as long as I kept up my jeering he might not be able to perform. It was a Godsend. It seemed like the order to kill me was bullshit too. Surely he would have killed me when I was mocking him so hard.

“What the fuck is going on?” I heard Laurel’s voice behind me. “Why are you on the ground?”

I looked up at him with a slight smile. He was back rather early. I didn’t mind at all.

“Thank God you're back. We had a disagreement, Barker and I. He seemed to think I wanted his dick, when I assured him I didn’t.” I said seriously, but I was still running on sass.

Laurel furrowed his brow and looked at Hardy who flicked his cigarette and walked over surprisingly calmly. 

“Don’t believe her. She’s being dramatic.” Hardy said lifelessly.

“What happened to the door?” Laurel asked.

I sneered at Hardy.

“That was what started it all. He seemed to think I wanted him to watch me relieve myself.” I piped up before Hardy could.

“Bullshit.” Hardy countered. “I thought she was up to something. She was acting suspiciously. I told her to keep the door open, she wouldn’t. So I removed the problem.” He lied coolly.

“Wow, if that’s all it was how did I end up on the ground?” I challenged him. “You think I just like laying in the dirt?”

“You like fucking Vaas, I wouldn’t say that’s rolling in the dirt isn’t much different.” His bite and confidence was coming back. I couldn’t allow that.

“That’s only because you don’t know what fucking Vaas is like.” I smirked at him. “I mean, his cock is so fucking huge! I can barely handle it. There’s no other dick like it on the planet!”

“Shut up.” Hardy hissed.

“I mean it! If you knew what it felt like-” I didn’t do the required research to support my claim, but as far as I was concerned Vaas’s dick was the best on the planet. So it didn’t feel like an exaggeration or lie to say it.

“I SAID SHUT UP!” He shouted.

I smiled. That exposed nerve of his was so obvious; how could I not hit it whenever I felt the urge? It made me happy thinking about how Vaas would respond to such praise too. Mindfuck Hardy, avoid rape, taking pride in my soulmate? Win win win.

“We don’t have time for this bullshit.” Laurel exhaled heavily.

“Why? What happened?” I asked, feeling that dread ebb back to life.

“Hoyt’s coming.”

The blood drained out of my face.

From the look of Hardy, I wasn’t the only one.

* * *

_ The helicopter blades slowed and the engine fell silent. Vaas walked forward carefully showing he didn’t have his gun in his hand. The helicopter door slid open. Hoyt stepped out onto the concrete helipad. Vaas forced himself to smile. _

_ All he really wanted to do was kill Hoyt, make it slow and agonizing, but he would smile at him instead. He’d do anything to get Eva back, but it would still be difficult to keep his finger off the trigger. _

_ “Lovely weather we’re having!” Hoyt grinned, broadly indicating with his arms the spectacular greenery kissed in sunshine around them. _

_ “Why, Boss? Are you planning a parade?” Vaas let a bit of snark out. What was the point of pretending that they were friends? That they were on good terms? That Hoyt wasn’t holding his soulmate hostage? _

_ Hoyt laughed heartily but the menace in his eyes was glittering. Vaas regretted his malapert response. _

_ “That’s why I love you, Vaas! You make me laugh!” He clapped a hand on Vaas’s shoulder. “Everything in business is so Goddamn serious. But you…” _

_ Vaas gave Hoyt a steady look. Hoyt stopped laughing and looked at him in the eye. Vaas just wanted him to admit it, say he had her, tell him what he fucking had to do or pay to get her back. Hoyt’s eyes glittered with malice. The game wasn’t over yet. _

_ “So what about Snow White?” Hoyt’s tone dropped to a threatening level. _

_ “You know what? I don’t give a fuck about him. I don’t give a fuck.” Vaas tried to play off his inability to find and kill Jason as no big deal. It was a big deal. If Hoyt took notice it was a big fucking deal. _

_ “Really?” Hoyt looked surprised. “Then why am I here?” _

_ Vaas had fucked up, royally. He’d assumed that Jason was dead. Ashes heaped on ashes. He hadn’t realized that Jason had escaped the inferno. And at the last minute, instead of taking care of a drug shipment, like he was supposed to, he’d turned his attention to capturing the fucking ship Buck had mentioned because it had finally appeared. He assumed that with Jason gone, it’d be okay to leave the shipment to his men. But, while Vaas was killing the crew and torturing the owner for information about the fucking knife, Jason was burning the fields and inventory and murdering his men. _

_ “Once you got the ransom money, his friends are gonna be sold like that. I shot his older brother. I did what you wanted with his younger brother…” He attempted to remind Hoyt of all the things that had gone right. He had one big fuck up in over a decade. Surely that granted him some clemency.  _

_ Hoyt didn’t look convinced. So Vaas tried a different tactic. _

_ “It’s my sister. She’s inking that white boy.” He didn’t know why he was trying to appeal to Hoyt’s sympathy or his hatred of the natives. He must be insane. _

_ It would make sense. Every time he’d sleep he’d have fucked up dreams about Eva. Every nightmare had a similar pattern to it. Generally, he’d see Eva, she’d run from him, he’d chase her down and she would be so happy to see him. Then she’d produce a baby, it was always in some sort of magical way, glittery sparks and everything. Dramatic and glorious. Then when he was enamored with the infant in his arms and tried to encourage Eva to be too she’d act like he was a monster for even suggesting it and disappear. Sometimes he just watch her agonize over being pregnant, torturing herself with her fears and he couldn’t do anything but watch helplessly. Either scenario was confusing and heartbreaking everytime.  _

_ Yet, he’d fall asleep night after night just to see her again, just to get some sort of grounding for his sanity. He’d noticed that his day went easier after he’d dreamt of her. It was like a lifeline in the wake of the madness around him. _

_ “I don’t give a fuck about your family!!” Hoyt roared. “It is by my grace that your head isn’t impaled on the antenna of my car!” _

_ Vaas gritted his teeth, bringing up Citra was a bad bet. _

_ “Therefore, I would like it if you gave a fuck about Jason Brody!” Hoyt pointed his finger in Vaas’s face. _

_ “Okay, Hoyt. Okay.” Vaas relented putting his hands up like he was surrendering. “Alright.” _

_ “Fantastic.” Hoyt smiled like he hadn’t just lost his temper; like they’d been conversing pleasantly the whole time.  _

_ Vaas was used to this, which made him fear for Eva. When Hoyt was suddenly calm was when you should be the most worried. Who knew what he’d do? Who he’d take it out on… _

_ “Ah.” Hoyt took a deep breath and exhaled with a smile. “I’m really loving this weather.”  _

_ Vaas studied him carefully, looking for any hint that he was going to harm Eva or that he already had. His eyes darted to the left, looking in the distance. _

_ “What’s the name of that village down the road? Beras Town? Bunch of native sympathizers. They stole a transportation manifest that’s close to my heart. I’d like to pay them a visit.”  _

_ Vaas relaxed a bit, Hoyt was going to take his wrath out on another target. That was good enough for him. _

_ Hoyt turned his head and looked at Vaas again. _ __  
_  
_ __ “Nice to see you Vaas. I’ll tell your pretty little princess hello for you.”

_ Vaas clenched his jaw and his fists involuntarily. _

_ Hoyt signaled for the pilot to start the engines back up and climbed back into the helicopter. _

_ “But if you really wanted to make her majesty happy, you’d put Jason six feet under.” Hoyt smiled cruelly. _

_ There it was, Hoyt’s price. Kill Jason, get Eva back. _

_ Jason was proving to be his worst nightmare turned real. And yet, he was the key to keeping everything Vaas cared about. _

_ He was going to make sure Jason’s death was filled with terror and pain. Fire hadn’t worked, so he’d try the opposite next time his path crossed with the white fucker. _

_ He was going to get Eva back. One way or another he’d get her back.  _

_ And everyone who’d kept him from her would share Jason’s fate. _

**_Everyone._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's song is Alone by I Prevail. A sad song... but considering how both Eva and Vaas are unintentionally alienating each other in dreams. It fits.
> 
> I feel I owe you all an explanation for my absence.  
> Last month I was helping a friend move a heavy trunk to her second floor apartment. The handle on my friend's side broke and the trunk began to crash down the stairs. Since the handles weren't very ergonomic a couple of my fingers were trapped and I was dragged down the stairs with the trunk part way.  
> I'm okay. I wasn't severely hurt and nothing was broken, but I dislocated two fingers. (Feels a bit ironic considering our heroine's finger and hand troubles) I don't know if you know what that feels like, but every time I moved my fingers I was in agony. Touch typing was impossible and I couldn't stand "hunting and pecking" my way through the chapter so I put it on hold until my fingers were healed more.  
> Once my fingers were healed enough that I didn't need to keep them in splints I was excited to get back to the story. There was a problem though, one of the fingers that had been dislocated would sometimes "click" or snap painfully when I was typing and it annoyed and frustrated me so much I gave up. I contemplated giving up forever I was so pissed off. >:[
> 
> Then last week, I was reading through the new comments you guys wrote while I was gone I realized that I was being stupid and picked it up again. ^_^;
> 
> So thanks guys. Really.
> 
> My finger is still clicking and it still hurts, so please forgive me if I'm not super prompt on new chapters or replying to comments. Thanks for the patience.


	40. Minds Like Minefields

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hoyt makes Eva and offer she can't refuse. Vaas realizes that his dreams aren't what they seem.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was really frustrated writing this chapter. I think it's obvious why. Maybe writing really is a form of self-torture?

As I saw Hoyt walking up to the shack I suddenly remembered that I was in a land of killers. He didn’t take his eyes off of me. Not when he ordered his men to stay with the Scav he came on. Not when he ordered Laurel and Hardy to take a cigarette break. Not when he walked in and sat at the small round table in the center of the room just across from my position on the old couch.

“You’re Eva, are you?” He asked and I nodded carefully wondering how he discovered my name. “I should just call you trouble. That’s all you’ve been so far.”

He sighed and relaxed his shoulders a bit. “But here we are.”

“Why are you here?” I asked before I could stop myself. It was a legitimate question. I couldn’t account for why he’d be here. He didn’t need to guard me himself. What could he possibly have to say to me?

“I’d heard you were outspoken.” He said like I had said something offensive. I realized that he probably wasn’t used to women having the courage to speak to him. “Here’s a present.”

He tossed a bag at me and it took a moment for me to realize that it was mine. The last time I saw it was on the boat that took Fiona and I to this godforsaken place. I thought it was gone forever.

I looked at Hoyt uncertain what to think or do.

“Do they not have presents where you’re from?” He was short. “Open it.”

I complied, but cautiously. The first thing I pulled out was my wallet and opened it to find that my ID and passport were still inside. I furrowed my brow and glanced at Hoyt, he just watched me without expression.

After a few moments more I discovered everything was there, except for the money in the wallet. Most surprisingly, my phone and charger were there. It had been charged and it turned on. I input my pin and it opened for me. I was shocked to see that it was getting service.

This wasn’t right. Hoyt couldn’t be this generous or stupid. Could he? 

“Everything as it was?” He asked and I looked at him trying to hide my sentiments. “Is our princess happy?”

I didn’t respond at first and I could tell it irritated him.

“What’s the catch?” I finally spoke.

“Maybe you aren’t completely hopeless.” He said, “There is a catch, but it’s not so terrible.”

“You just have to leave.” He finally said after a moment of suspense.

“What?” I must not have heard him right.

“After this debacle with Jason Brody is dealt with, you leave. I’ll have my men drop you off on the mainland and you go home.”

I wasn’t expecting this. I was expecting him to threaten me, abuse me, try to use me against Vaas, somehow find out about my condition and use that against the both of us. I was even expecting him to murder me… I wasn’t expecting him to just let me go.

“Where’s the real catch?” I asked, “You take me out into the ocean and have your men plug me where Vaas won’t find out about it?”

“So suspicious… I don’t want you dead.” He leaned back in a mirthful way. “I need you alive. I just don’t want you here where you can fuck with Vaas’s head.”

“Or interfere with your control over him.”

“I didn’t get it before. Little white bread girl like you getting clipped with Vaas… I think I get it now.” He said without acknowledging my statement. “Still, you’re in the fucking jungle now, Princess. A long, long way from your kingdom. I have it on good authority that you aren’t cut out for this life.”

I couldn’t argue with that. I had felt out of my depth the moment I heard gunshots laying on the beach weeks ago. Still, Hoyt was a shrewd sadist, this was more than it seemed.

“Level with me. What is really going on here?” I swallowed dryly, “We both know I provide you with more leverage over Vaas, more control. Why would you throw that all away?”   
  


I had already determined that the current situation I was in called for my escape from this island at some point in the near future. I had a time limit of mere months before it was absolutely necessary for me to leave with the little passenger I probably had. The fact that Hoyt wanted me gone should have looked like a godsend. It was a way to get where I needed to be without the fight and struggle I was going to face trying to get away on my own. It was all on a silver platter. I didn’t trust it.

“I’m keeping control by putting out a wildfire. With you here he’s losing his edge. The longer you’re here the more you'll destroy him.” Hoyt glared at me.

I laughed. It was probably stupid but I couldn’t help it.

“You think that’s fucking funny do you?” Hoyt looked like he was holding back an explosion.

“That’s ridiculous. Absurd!” I exclaimed. “Losing his edge? The man beheaded someone because they looked at me wrong. Losing his edge, my ass.”

“How would you know? You didn’t know him a month ago!” Hoyt shouted and I fell silent at his sudden outburst. “Getting clipped fucks you up! I know!”

I remember what Alec had told me about Hoyt keeping the finger of the soulmate he murdered in his pocket. I morbidly wondered which one and which pocket.

“Then why not just kill me?” I said, my words faltering as I realized I was arguing in favor of my own death.

“I don’t want that either.” He waved his hand dismissively. “That has its own problems.” 

He didn’t say that he knew from experience this time, but I could tell he did.

“I’m not changing Vaas. I wish I could sometimes, but he remains unaltered. He still kills, he still tortures, he still thinks it’s hilarious. He’s still your bloodthirst pirate.” I played it off like I was tired from trying to fight Vaas. In a way, I was.

“What do you love?” Hoyt asked suddenly, like he was trying to change the subject.

“What?” I was confused.

“What do you fucking love? What, Princess? What do you need?”

I didn’t know what he was getting at so I didn’t respond.

“Afraid I’m going to use it against you?” He asked with a smile. “Let me put it this way; What do you love that you never loved before you got clipped.”

Instantly my mind shot to the Spanish that Vaas teased me with. I’d heard Spanish before and often, it never enticed me toward the speaker; then Vaas suddenly speaks it and I’m a wanton mess.  


“It works both ways, Princess. I wonder what you’d done to Vaas? What does he love that he never would if it weren’t for you?”

_ Sirenita, it’s not evil. It’s beautiful. _

Vaas’s words to me when he was trying to explain and excuse his infatuation with impregnating me. What if Hoyt was right? What if Vaas only felt that way because it was my fault? I couldn’t quite believe it. It made sense that I would pick up a kink over Spanish. Vaas spoke Spanish. When I was so upset over the idea of being pregnant in this hell, where the heck would a breeding kink come from?

_ I suppose I thought that when I found my match I’d be fixed. That all the problems I had would go away. I’d be happy and start a family of my own. _

My words came back to haunt me. I did want a family, I wanted to have kids, eventually. Definitely not here, but I was hoping that things would change and make it a safer possibility in the future. The bond had shit timing for everything else, it could make sense that it had poor timing now too. What if I was holding Vaas accountable for something I was unintentionally causing? 

“Yeah, I see it. You’ve both fucking changed, haven’t you?”

I was irritated that I could see reason in his argument.

"You hand me my own things, and offer to dump me in a country that isn't mine and that's supposed to be enough to make me betray my own soulmate." I gave Hoyt an indignant look.

“Am I not getting my point across? I thought you were supposed to be smart." He smiled wickedly.  
  
"Girl like you, you don't need this shit. And that’s what this goddamn soulmate shit does. It shoves you together and changes you till you don’t come apart or don’t want to." Hoyt laced his fingers and clasped his hands. "You're going to stick with Vaas when he kills? Tortures? And fucking likes it? Are you going to stand by him when he's covered in blood after a day's work?”  


I had already thought about it. I'd tried to come to terms with it, but the only way I could see it really working long term, was if I was able to sway him from Hoyt's power and the island or if I accepted what he did. I didn't think I could really handle the latter.  


"What if you change? Huh? What if you start liking the murder and torture?" Hoyt challenged me.

_ I liked h-hurting him.  _ I recalled my confession to Vaas of what I'd felt about stabbing Gael.  
  
I did like it. It felt good, other than the stupid fainting. Was it already happening? Was I changing into a Monster too?

It was freaking me out to think about it. It freaked me out more to think about Hoyt being right. More still, I couldn’t just sit here being freaked out. I had to take action somehow. I had to make a move, but I didn’t know which was the right call. All I knew was that I didn’t trust Hoyt further than I could throw him, I wanted to help Vaas and...

The baby... 

I was sure that I was either pregnant or going through a very early menopause. Call me crazy but I didn't think the latter was plausible. I had to act as though I was pregnant, until I could prove otherwise. And I couldn't stand the idea of exposing any child to this life, let alone my own. Not when I had any other options.

“Are you still going to deny the truth? You’re fucking him up. He's fucking you up. You're better off away from each other.”

“I’ll do it. I’ll leave.” I said quickly holding my bag tighter to my chest.

Hoyt looked confused for a moment, like he expected this to be a tougher sell. Like he had been ready to break out the pocket book and bribe me if he needed to. He smiled, no doubt congratulating himself on how easy I was to work over. Let him think what he wanted. He didn't know jack shit, and I would keep it that way.

“Fantastic, Princess. Listen very carefully.”

* * *

_ Jason Fucking Brody… Snow White… Curse of Vaas’s existence. It’d been a few days since Vaas had spoken with Hoyt. In that time Jason had attacked Beras Town, rescued his stoner friend Oliver and blown up the Nostalgia. With each of Jason’s victories the more getting Eva back felt like an impossible task. _

_ It seemed a simple enough thing to accomplish, just a bullet to the brain but somehow Jason avoided the death that should have been his over and over. When Vaas sat down and tried to puzzle it out he couldn’t figure out how Jason escaped the hotel. He couldn’t figure out how he defeated a whole town’s worth of his men, or how he escaped on a boat when Vaas’s own men had a fucking helicopter to murder him with. _

_ The most mysterious of Jason’s apparent resurrections was The Nostalgia. Vaas had taken all the information from the ship, he’d sent his men to look for the knife, he was trying to uphold his end of the deal with Buck as a contingency plan for getting Eva back. He had a feeling that getting Eva back from Hoyt wouldn’t be so simple, and for all Buck’s faults and double talking, he always held up his end of deals. Though he knew that Buck would try to get the info for himself now that the boat was captured and floating just off shore, so he rigged the boat to blow up if Buck tried to mess with the treasure hunter’s laptop. He even made sure that the laptop was in a place that would be the most difficult place to escape from. Perhaps he was insane for simultaneously relying on Buck and hoping to entrap and kill him. He didn’t care. Even if Buck helped him get her back, he’d still taken Eva from him in the first place. If he killed Buck it was justice. _

_ Not even that had gone to plan. Buck didn’t trip the bomb. Jason did. Not only did he get the information, and blow the ship to the sea floor, he escaped unharmed.  **Unharmed.** _

_ Shit would not stand. Not if Vaas could help it. He flooded the areas where the Treasure Hunter believed the dagger and other artifacts could be, with his men, just in case Jason showed his face. Short of going there himself, which Hoyt made sure he couldn’t do, it was the best that he could do. _

_ How did Jason even figure out about the ship? He probably found out about Keith somehow, which led him to Buck. Buck was probably playing Jason and Vaas against each other, knowing that both parties would lose while he got what he wanted. Fucking Buck… _

_ What the fuck was he supposed to do about it? Hoyt was running him ragged with pointless business. He was dealing with the other slaves they had, making ransom videos and organizing bidding and payments. Fucking busy work, Hoyt was trying to keep him from getting Eva back too quickly, or something. It just made him that much more determined to put a bullet in Hoyt too. _

_ Even now, lying in bed, exhausted from being awake for almost four days straight, he was having a hard time relaxing enough to sleep. His growing list of wrongs to be righted was running through his head and he was mentally trying to figure out the most satisfying ways of getting revenge. _

_ Still, everyone has physical limitations and Vaas had just hit his. He crashed into sleep amid thoughts of self-righteous violence and murder. _

_ Immediately he was greeted with a vision of Eva. She was pacing the blank, black world of his dream, fretfully murmuring to herself. _

_ He didn’t say anything to her as he rushed forward and embraced her. She was surprised and tried to say something but he hadn’t dreamed of her in a long time. He didn’t want to talk. He kissed her, hard and deep and long. She was pliant at first, then she went rigid and pulled away from him. _

_ “We need to talk.” She said, her lips that were a bit more full after his kiss and he was craving more of them. _

_ “I’m not in the mood to talk.” He stepped close to her and tried to kiss her again. She pushed him back with some effort, until there were a few feet between them again. It aggravated him. _

_ “I have to tell you something. It’s important.” She said like she was exasperated with him. _

_ “No quiero hablar. Dímelo luego.” He said and came for her again with his arms ready to pull her in and not let her escape until he was satisfied. _

_ A chain-link fence suddenly appeared between them, it extended into the blackness as far as he could see in either direction. _

_ “I guess I missed you too much.” She said to herself as she stood like she was contemplating something. “I’m imagining in Spanish again.” _

_ Vaas’s fingers curled around the fence link and he shook them in frustration as he looked around for the quickest way to get to her. _

_ “Vaas, I’m leaving the island.” _

_ He abruptly stopped his search as his head snapped up to look at her with a horrified expression. _

_ “I’m going, and I don’t think I’ll be coming back.” Eva was saying one of the worst things he could think of hearing and she wasn’t even looking at him while she said it.  _

_ “No, that’s terrible. Maybe I should say something like; ‘ I have to go. I don’t have a choice.’ Maybe that would work better?” She shook her head and paced back and forth again. _

_ “Better? The fuck?” Vaas began to scale the fence as she started saying other variations of the same thing. He couldn’t stand this, let alone understand it. He jumped off the top of the fence right next to her. She jumped in surprise and backed away. _

_ “You’re not leaving me.” He said it like a warning as he caged her against the same fence that tried to keep them apart. “Ever.” _

_ “Well, I saw that reaction coming.” Eva rolled her eyes and ducked under his arm like it was nothing. She started to walk away. “There has to be a way to say this without him acting like a psychopath about it.” _

_ He tugged her around to face him by the arm. She threw off his grip so he quickly put his hands around her face and held her tightly, looking her in the eye. “Stop this. You aren’t leaving.” He hissed. _

_ “Where’s the reset button?” She said sarcastically, pulling on his hands trying to free herself.  _

_ He didn’t let go. _

_ “You said it wasn’t a vacation for you, Sirenita. That as long as I was honest with you, you wouldn’t leave…  ¿Qué diablos es esto? ” He sounded angry but he was really terrified by the idea. _

_ “God, this dream is turning into a nightmare.” She said as tears formed in her eyes. _

_ “Then stop saying you’re leaving!” He shook her face a little in his frustration. _

_ “But I am leaving. I have to-- ” He covered her mouth before she could say more. _

_ “Stop! Don’t fucking say that anymore! ¡No vas a dejarme!” _

_ She was really crying now and Vaas didn’t know what to do. He was fucking this up too and it was his own fucking dream. _

_ She pulled away, and despite his best effort to hold on to her she slipped away. Just like all his attempts to kill Jason. _

_ “Don’t leave.” He begged. _

_ “I have to.” She turned and started to run. _

_ He chased after her, he couldn’t let things end this way. _

_ She came to a stop and he took the opportunity to wrap his arms around her again. _

_ “No! No! No! I’m trying again. There has to be a better way to say it.” She shouted in her own frustration as she tried to push him off again. _

_ “There isn’t a better way to say it. It’s not going to happen.” He said clinging to her as tight as he could. “Sé que también me amas, y necesito tu amor.  Si te vas, ¿qué será de mí? ” _

_ “I know it’s just gibberish that sounds like Spanish. It’s not going to work on me. Besides, I can’t be selfish anymore.” She was still trying to get away, “I have to think about what’s best for the baby.” _

_ Furrowed his brow when she mentioned his Spanish being nothing but gibberish, but his curiosity about what she meant was overcome at once when she mentioned the baby. _

_ “Lamento eso-” He began but she gave him a scathing look. “Fuck! I’m sorry! I fucked up! I fucked up so bad, but don’t punish me. Not like this. Anything else, Sirenita… I can take anything else you want to punish me with but not this.” _

_ “Don’t.” She said not looking at him. “It’s not your fault. It’s my fault.” _

_ Any comfort her words could give was undone by her next statement. _

_ “I should have never let you try. I should have stopped you.” She looked like she was greatly upset. “It doesn’t matter now. I’m not punishing you. I’m doing what has to be done.” _

_ “You’re saying that because you don’t know what I’m doing for you both.” He said holding on to her with everything he had. “You don’t have to leave. We can stay together.” _

_ “Are you going to hijack a hospital’s worth of medical equipment, doctors and nurses? That’s the only thing that would be enough to keep me here.” Her expression was mirthless. _

_ He didn’t have a response. He had thought that if he could get a doctor to the island, buy their services, it would be good enough. It was more than what any other woman on the island ever had, and he’d assumed that it would be adequate. Not just adequate, perfect. Apparently not. _

_ “No? Then the only way we can stay together is if you come with me. But you can’t.” She said it brusquely and looked at him like she was waiting for a response. _

_ He gritted his teeth. Again he felt like she was probably thinking that she was stuck with a soulmate that wasn’t good enough for her. Like she was condemning him for being beneath her, being unable to provide for her properly. He resented the idea. He was the strongest warrior on the island. He’d proven it time and again. But everytime she dismissed him he was reminded that out there, to the rest of the world, he was nothing. He could take any of the fuckers where she was from, but in her world he would still be nothing. _

_ “Or maybe you just won’t come with me.” She looked like she was about to cry again and then was suddenly gone. He almost fell forward as he was now leaning into nothing.  _

_ He looked around for her in the black landscape, praying that she wasn’t just gone. That he still had more time, another chance to convince her to stay to show her that he was enough. He’d do anything to keep her. Anything. _

_ He spied her standing far off and he made a mad dash toward her.  _

_ As he got closer she turned toward him. The expression on her face was emotionless. Considering everything that was happening it was a bit disturbing. _

_ “Vaas, I have to go. I don’t have a choice. Hoyt’s offered to take me to the mainland and I accepted.” _

_ “What the fuck?!” He felt like his heart was being ripped up all over again. “NO.” _

_ He rejected the idea. Hoyt would keep her as leverage. It only made sense. He didn’t have a reason to send her away. _

_ “I’m not letting you go.” Vaas said as he tried to physically stop her from leaving again. He tackled nothing but air as she disappeared and reappeared somewhere else. _

_ “See, telling the truth doesn’t work either!” She cursed at herself. “I’ll just have to leave, won’t I? If I try to say goodbye or explain he’ll lock me up or tie me down and imprison me… Shit. Why does this have to be as hard as fucking possible?” _

_ “Why are you even trying to at all??” He asked, once again running toward her. She turned to look at him with surprise on her face. Like she hadn’t expected him to have something to say about it. _

_ “I have to practice. This is heavy shit. Where better than in a dream?” She broke out into bitter laughter. “Why am I bothering to explain myself to a figment of my dream? I must be desperate or nuts.” _

_ It was then that Vaas wondered if he was dreaming with her for the second time. If she was really here, but assumed that he wasn’t real, as he had her, it would explain some of what was happening. _

_ “Maybe I’m both.” _

_ She was practicing what she would say when she informed him that she was leaving. He wasn’t sure, but just in case he had to do something about this before she just up and left. _

_ “I’ll take you myself.” He said, knowing that it was a lie. He would never be able to let her leave, let alone help her leave. _

_ “And now I’m sure I’m dreaming.” She smiled and laughed. _

_ “I’m fucking serious. Don’t trust Hoyt.” _

_ “It doesn’t matter if you’re serious. You aren’t real.” She was still laughing. “I am insane. I’m still explaining myself to a figment…” _

_ “This is real. I’m fucking real.” Vaas stepped forward again, grabbing her and kissing her again.  _

_ He tried his best to somehow convey his worth and realness in the kiss. It was a stupid idea, and impossible to prove.  _

_ “Stop that. It won’t change anything once I wake up.” She said, breaking the kiss to breathe. “Why bother explaining anything? I’m an idiot.” _

_ “I’m here in this nightmare with you.” He urged. “I’m really here.” _

_ “Ha.” Was her simple response. “Good luck trying to prove it.” _

_ “¿Por qué eres tan difícil?” He murmured under his breath as he tried to figure out a way to prove it. “¿Que se supone que haga?” _

_ Then it hit him. _

_ “I can prove it.” He said. “Listen carefully, Sirenita. Try to remember.” _

_ “¿Me sientes en tus sueños?” He said the words slowly. “Say it back.” _

_ She fumbled with the words, dropping a few. He repeated it until she was able to say the full sentence back to him. _

_ “It means, ‘Do you feel me in your dreams?’” _

_ “So? You just gave your gibberish a meaning. That doesn’t prove anything.” _

_ He clenched his fist and jaw in frustration. “It will prove it when you wake up and ask someone what the sentence means. If the meaning matches what I said it does, you’ll know it was real.” _

_ “This is hilarious.” She laughed in a troubled way. “I’m really trying to fuck with my own head.” _

_ “No, you’ll be okay. What is the fucking sentence?” He asked, trying to be reassuring. _

_ “¿Me sientes en tus sueños?” She said quickly with a slightly adorable American accent. “So what then? What if I prove that it’s true, what then?” _

_ She had a point. Proving that he had been in her dream, or vice versa wasn’t helpful in itself. _

_ “See? This is all bullshit.” She shook her head dismissively. _

_ “No. It means that I can find you easier. If you can find a radio-” _

_ “HA! That’s rich! I’ve been trying the radio, Vaas! HA! HA!” She angrily pushed away from him. “All I get is Sharif telling me that he’ll shoot me if he ever finds me. The radio is as bullshitty as the rest of this!” _

_ “I didn’t know.” He said feeling stupid. She’d told him, in another dream, hadn’t she? _

_**I’m on the radio. I’m pretending to be Carlos-** _

_ He’d dismissed it as just a dream too. Maybe if he’d taken it more seriously she’d be back already. Maybe she wouldn’t be talking about leaving him. _

_ “If the Spanish is correct, then try the radio again. It’ll be different this time.” He promised. _

_ “Yeah, whatever.” She rolled her eyes. _

_ He grabbed her by her arms. “I’m fucking serious, Eva. It’s real.” _

_ She rolled her eyes again. He growled in frustration. _

_ “Just remember the fucking sentence!” He shouted. _

_ “Whatever.” She said childishly scoffing and disappearing. _

_ He turned in circles looking for her, but he was alone. _

She was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's song is "Minds Like Minefields" by Alkaline Trio. Another sad song. Another sad chapter.
> 
> Sorry it took so long to get this chapter out. The holidays and life events were my excuse this time. It's strange that the year that traveling is the most forbidden, I end up traveling the most.


	41. i hope you cry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eva tries to reason with Vaas again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is an unintentionally fluffy chapter. ^_^; I hope you enjoy it.

“You need this. You need me.” Vaas said as he pressed his body against mine. “Use the radio, Sirenita. You can do it.”

“You aren’t real.” I said trying to stay focused as his hand slid under my shirt and around my waist.

“I’m fucking real. The sentence told you-”

“Where am I going to find someone who knows Spanish?” I countered him.

“Shit.” He said halting just before he was going to press his mouth on my neck. 

“See? You aren’t real.” I gave him a smug look.

He looked into my eyes for a moment while stroking my face. He was trying to think through the problem. 

“I’ll fix that.” He said before he pulled me into a quick kiss. “I’ll fucking prove it.”

“Sure you will.” I rolled my eyes before I felt his lips on my neck and I had to hold on to him to stay standing.

I knew he was real.

After the dream where he made me memorize “¿Me sientes en tus sueños?” I had found by accident and to my endless shock that Hardy knew fluent Spanish. Apparently he worked for a cartel in Mexico for 15 years before he was recruited by Hoyt and before that he grew up in El Paso. It was a strange coincidence. Though it reaffirmed that my Spanish kink was for Vaas alone. No matter how much Spanish Hardy spoke I was unmoved. Spanish didn’t matter to me until Vaas was speaking it.

After I realized he was really there I was excited and worried about sleeping again. Excited to see him again, but worried because I knew we'd probably end up fighting. So I was trying to avoid it by lying... Vaas was unwilling to talk about anything else except how he was really there, how I should believe him and contact him on the radio, and how I shouldn't leave because I needed him.

It'd been two nights since I realized he was real. Every time I woke up I felt like I needed a whole other night's sleep.

“Sirenita… Can’t you feel it? This doesn’t feel like a fucking dream.” He pointed out as he held me tighter and pressed his rough thumb over my lower lip. “You’re really with me. Could a dream make you feel this fucking good?”

He was not so subtly implying that proving that he was real would prove more than that. If I had to guess, I'd say he thought I didn't think he was worth anything. It was ridiculous. I didn't think that he was worthless. I didn't love worthless things. Ultimately it didn't matter. My argument had nothing to do with his worth as a lover or a man. It had everything to do with doing what I could to protect our child and myself. I'd like to include him in that but he was deliberately excluding himself.

“It’s a dream, Vaas. Even if you were here, and I’m not saying you are, it’s still just a dream.” I began to pull away from him, and he held me tighter to the point it was hard to breathe.

“Let go of me.” I murmured.

“Never.” He whispered. “I’ll never let you go.”

“See? That’s what makes me think it’s pointless to use the radio, even if you were real.” I commented. 

“It’s not pointless! I can find you. I can fucking save you.” He said, miffed.

“If you were real,” He was, of course but once you tell a lie...

“And I did call,” I absolutely could. Laurel and Hardy seemed rather lax on their guarding since Hoyt left. I was certain I could take either of their radios without much difficulty.

“And by some miracle I was able to give you enough information to find me,” Which was likely. I'd determined that Badtown was only about five minutes away and one of the biggest landmarks was a tall, rusty radio tower probably a three football fields away, I'd stared at it enough from the window by the couch. I was sure Vaas knew his own island pretty well.

“You’d come and get me and keep me from leaving.” Truth. Despite what he said in the previous dreams, I knew him. I'd seen it in another dream. He wasn't opposed to locking me up to keep me for himself.

“You’d get me back, but I would be doomed.” I ended my argument and tried to push away from him again.

“You won’t be doomed. I’ll get you a fucking doctor.” It was like his arms were made of iron. I knew I could teleport myself away with just a thought, but doing that made him more prone to shutting down and refusing to talk or reason. The last dream I'd teleported and each time I did he got more and more upset to the point that I was sure he looked as monstrous as he was acting. I'd rather talk to Vaas, the man, not the monster.

“What? Like Alec? High as a kite and so terrified of you his hands shake? That’s not anywhere near good enough.” I scoffed.

“No.” He practically growled. “A different one.”

“Kidnap a doctor? Just hoping they know obstetrics.” I retorted.

“No! I’m going to fucking pay for one. A real fucking doctor, one that can help you.” He said it like it was a simple thing. Like he’d just go to the store around the corner and buy one.

Maybe it was that simple. I didn’t know. I suspected that he’d have to send out of the islands for one. What kind of doctor would accept a house call like that? Probably a dubious one. What kind of money would that call for? Probably a lot. Again, it really didn't matter. I wasn't just concerned with the immediate necessity of prenatal or postpartum care. I was thinking about the long term.  
  
“You aren’t getting it!” I was frustrated and I felt tired even though I was technically asleep. “Even if everything plays out perfectly according to your plan, even if I have the baby and there are no complications and everyone is in perfect health; what then?”

He looked at me and just blinked.

“Aha! That’s what I thought.” I shoved his arms down as hard as I could and he let go. “You don’t have a plan for that. You haven’t even thought about it have you?”

“You and the baby stay with me. What the fuck is there to think about?” Vaas said it like it was uncomplicated.

“No. That’s not how that works. I’m not raising a child here. I’m not going to lose my mind worried that at any moment someone is going to come and kidnap us or kill us. I don’t want to spend my time terrified that the ones I love are in constant danger.” 

“I’ll protect you. Both of you. No one would fucking dar-”

“You’re acting like it couldn’t happen because you're so strong or awesome! IT ALREADY FUCKING DID HAPPEN! I'M FUCKING KIDNAPPED!!” I shouted and started to walk off.

“Eva!” He grabbed my hand and pulled me into his chest. “Sorry…”

“Sorry doesn’t fix shit.” I said as tears came to my eyes. It seemed I couldn’t avoid crying, even in a dream. “S-Sorry doesn’t magically rescue me. It d-doesn’t make the danger of this island go away either.”

“What the fuck do you want me to do?” He cradled me, his hand gripping the hair on the back of my head.

“What would you be willing to do?” I asked, letting my tears absorb into his red shirt.

“Anything. I’d do anything.” He whispered harshly against my ear.

“Then come with me.”

He fell silent and went rigid.

“There it is, the truth.” I spoke after a minute or two of silence. “You aren’t willing to do what you need to be with me. You aren’t willing to do what is best for the baby, or me. You aren’t willing to do the one thing that fixes all of our problems with Hoyt or Buck or Citra… You might as well do nothing for all you care!”

Again, I wondered why we were together. What about us made us perfect for each other? Maybe there was nothing to this soulmate thing. Maybe it was just random and unfair. Maybe it did just fuck you up like Hoyt said. I hated the idea that he might be right about something… but maybe he was. I hated this.

I tried to move but he wouldn’t let me.

“Get your hands off of me!” I screamed. “DON’T TOUCH ME!”

“ARGH!!” He roared as he released me, running his hands through his hair like he wanted to rip it out.

He looked wild and crazy with anger. I didn’t want to be around him when he was like this. There was no point in further discussion. I began to walk away.

After I got a bit of distance between us he noticed me leaving. He broke out into a run after me. I panicked and bolted hard away.

“LEAVE ME ALONE!!” I shouted as I ran as fast as I could, completely forgetting I could just teleport.

He didn’t say anything, but I could hear his breath and footfalls just behind me so I kept running for my life. The horizon was pitch black and empty. I needed something to put between us, and something told me a fence wouldn’t cut it this time. I wished for someplace safe to hide in and for a way to make him understand. I was tired of this cycle of love and hate. There had to be a way to end it for good. But what could I do if words came up short every time?

* * *

_She was staying just out of reach and it infuriated Vaas to no end. It was like they went backwards, she was treating him like she had their first day together. Running, demanding he keep his hands to himself, so certain that he didn’t love her or that he was out to ruin her. It was like they’d never agreed on anything, like they’d never made love, like she never needed him or wanted him, like she never said that she loved him and meant it…_

_No. He’d remind her of the truth. She couldn't live without him._

_His feet pounded hard but she was able to slip out of the way, just when he was about to get his hands on her._

_Far ahead in the blackness the shape of a house was forming. It looked like it was lost in the colors of a black and white film. It was just shades of gray, even though it was covered in stone and stucco with clay tiles on the roof._

_Vaas didn’t really notice the house appear, even though they were approaching it fast. He was preoccupied with trying to get his hands on her, but she ran and dodged him like a rabbit. He didn’t pay the house any mind until she ran through the open door and it slammed closed on him, making him crash into it._

_He pounded on the door after he recovered from ramming it. When it didn’t open on it’s own he twisted the handle and shoved the reluctant door open roughly. He lunged inside and the door slammed closed behind him on it’s own. The lights were off and the light coming through the windows wasn’t much help, but he could see enough to know that Eva wasn’t in view. She must have been hiding._

_To his left there was a short hallway with two doors. He’d start his search there._

_“EVA!” He shouted like a maniac as he slammed each door open in turn. One was a closet with coats in it. The other was a toilet. Eva was in neither. “WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?!”_

_He didn’t hear a reply. He walked into the main area of the house and noticed stairs to his left. She might have gone up them but he wouldn’t look up there until he was sure the first floor wasn’t hiding her._

_“Eva…” He said in a more normal tone as he walked through the living room, looking behind a gray sectional. “...Come out, I’m not going to hurt you.”_

_Lightning flashed through the windows quickly followed by a peel of thunder. It looked like Vaas was wandering through the set of an old black and white horror film._

_Once the living room was clear he checked the dining room and kitchen. He called her name as he checked all the cabinets. He couldn’t help but notice how nice everything was, how tidy and devoid of damage or sign of distress. When the kitchen turned up nothing he made his way carefully to the stairs._

_Another flash of lightning washed through the windows and the thunder seemed to rumble the foundations of the house as Vaas stepped on to the second floor. He was greeted with six doors._

_He started on the right this time. It led to a room with two sinks and another doorway. He looked under the sinks quickly before kicking open the next door. There was nothing inside but a shower and toilet. He noticed how clean the bathroom was, and large. This place was already making the Doc’s mansion look pathetic and decrepit. He went back to the hallway and pulled open the next door on the right. It was just a linen closet too small to hold anything but the towels that were neatly folded there. He quickly kicked the next door open and rushed inside. It was a room with a king-sized bed in the center of it. He quickly pulled open the doors to the large closet and peered inside, angry that she wasn’t inside. Another round of lightning and thunder struck as he opened a door way to the right. It was another perfect bathroom, and just as free of Eva as the last one._

_The excess of this place made him feel unworthy. Three bathrooms, both large, clean and flawless. A huge perfect bedroom… The polish and finish of the place made anything on his island seem impoverished and pathetic. Of course Eva would hide here. It was more evidence that she thought he wasn't good enough._

_He went back to the hall and picked another door to open. This time when he threw the door open he heard the smallest feminine gasp and a broad smile formed on his lips. Eva was somewhere in this room. He glanced over a picturesque built-in bookcase with a window seat. The shelves were full of toys and children’s books. The bed in the center of the room had a childish floral pattern to the bedding and Vaas quickly went to his knees and peered underneath the bed to see no one. That left the closet._

_He slammed the doors open wide and heard a squeal of surprise. He looked down to see that in the corner of the closet was a figure that had the same brown hair that Eva had, but they were too small to be Eva._

_“You found me!” The little girl with Eva’s hair shouted with delight. She looked up at him with large beautiful eyes that were the same color as his own. They seemed too vibrant to be found in the otherwise gray house._

_He was stunned and unsure what to say or do._

_“Let’s find Mommy!” The child, who couldn’t be older than 5 years with how petite she was, stood up and grabbed his hand fondly and tugged him from the closet. He followed her still completely at a loss._

_“What’s wrong Daddy?” The little girl looked up at him with concern. “Daddy?”_

_“I’m your… You’re my-” His mind was blowing all it’s fuses one at a time as he tried to come to terms with the idea._

_“Are you sick?” She asked, trying in vain to reach up and feel his forehead. Her sweet little face pouted when she couldn’t reach and he wasn’t helping her. “I can’t feel Daddy.”_

_She grabbed at the air and stomped her little feet impatiently, wanting him to pick her up. He obeyed without thinking and panicked at how small and fragile she felt in his arms._

_She put her warm little hand on his forehead. “You aren’t sick.” She declared._

_He wasn’t so sure._

_“Let’s go find Mommy!” She commanded pleasantly and pointed to the door that led to the hallway._

_He carried her out, terrified that he might hurt her by holding her too tightly, or accidentally drop her by not holding her tightly enough._

_“Let’s check the guest room.” She said, wrapping an arm around his neck and leaning on his shoulder with a familiarity that he didn’t understand. He’d never had anyone take to him immediately like this. Most of the people he'd met came to fear him immediately. This beautiful, little thing accepted him without a second thought._

_“Hurry! Mommy is tricky.” She reached toward one of the doors he had yet to check._

_“Mommy” he realized, must be Eva. He liked the sound of it. It was strangest thing he'd ever experienced but he was starting to come to terms with it._

_“Yeah she is.” He said smiling lightly and pushing the door open, decidedly more gently than before._

_The room had a queen bed and armchair in it._

_“I’m going to look under the bed.” The little girl declared trying to slide out of his grasp. He panicked as he lost his hold on her and clung to her before she could touch the floor._

_“Let go! Mommy’s going to get away again!” She squirmed in his arms. He set her little feet on the ground gingerly and she immediately skipped off to the bed and looked underneath. He marveled watching her go, in utter disbelief that she could be his, even with evidence to the contrary._

_She popped her little head up, “Daddy! You have to check the closet! Hurry!”_

_He snapped out of the trance he was in._

_“Shit. Sorry.” He said opening the closet door and looking inside to see nothing. He turned back to his daughter and she looked at him with a mischievous and surprised smile. “What?”_

_“You said a bad word. I’m going to tell Mommy, she’ll be so mad at you.” She giggled and ran toward the hallway._

_“Oh yeah?” He said, trying to scoop her up again. She squealed in excitement as she managed to dodge him barely. She ran back toward the biggest room and looked around calling for her mother playfully._

_“Mommy! Daddy said a bad word! You have to come and put him in time out now!” She climbed on the bed and bounced there as she chanted her merry betrayal._

_When Vaas came into the room she continued bouncing but changed her sing-song chant to “Daddy’s in trouble! Daddy’s in trouble!” She emphasized her words with the bouncing._

_“Shhh!” He tried to playfully hush her as he climbed on the bed._

_“Uh uh! You were bad.” She shook her head, her long wavy locks tossing wildly._

_He caught her mid-jump and she laughed and immediately began begging not to be tickled._

_He didn’t know why, but he didn’t hesitate to do the opposite of what she wanted._

_She laughed and struggled, begging for him to stop as he tickled her. Another flash of lightning and a boom of thunder hit. The girl froze and suddenly clung to him in terror. He held her gently feeling like his heart might break for her._

_“You don’t have to be afraid of anything.” He said holding her and moving to the edge of the bed. “Not a fucking thing.”_

_She looked up at him with another wicked smile and glittering eyes. He could see some of his own features in her face and his mind was blown again._

_“You are in trouble twice!” She held up two little fingers. “Two bad words! Mommy will be so mad!”_

_He laughed at her eagerness to sell him out and quickly kissed her delicate, little fingers._

_“Come on then. Let’s find Mommy so she can be mad at me.” He stood up holding her again and started to head out of the room._

_“Wait! We have to check the balcony!” She reached back toward the far wall of the room. Vaas turned and saw two french doors covered in sheer fabric that he’d previously ignored. The lightning flashed again and he could see an adult-sized, womanly shadow in a very familiar shape against the fabric._

_“I think you’re right.” He murmured as he rushed to the doors and pulled one of them open. He leaned out and came face to face with Eva who was smiling._

_“Mommy! We found you! You didn’t get away this time!” The girl flung her weight toward Eva who immediately pulled her from Vaas’s arms. He found himself reluctant to let her go._

_“Yes, you were so smart!” She said walking past Vaas into the bedroom._

_“Guess what?” The girl’s voice was conspiratory._

_“What, Valeria?” Eva leaned in to listen to her daughter._

_“Daddy is in BIG trouble.” She said looking at Vaas impishly._

_“What did Daddy do?” Eva asked, glancing at Vaas with a raised eyebrow._

_“He said two bad words.” She whispered loudly._

_“Oh he did?” She gave Vaas a playfully disapproving look._

_He shrugged with a sheepish smile on his face._

_“You know what?” Eva said turning toward the now unmade bed. “I think you’re in trouble too. You were jumping on the bed, weren’t you?”_

_Valeria gave the same sheepish smile that Vaas had._

_“That’s what I thought.” Eva said with a mock frown. “You both are in trouble! Maybe neither of you should get dessert!”_

_“No! Nonono!” Valeria cried._

_“No? Do you think that I should forgive you then?” Eva smiled._

_“Yes.” The girl stated decidedly._

_“Should we forgive Daddy too?” Eva asked._

_“Okay.” The girl relented her case. “We can forgive Daddy.”_

_"I don't know... He did say two bad words." Eva looked skeptical._

_"We have to forgive him!" Valeria protested._

_"Why?" Eva asked simply._

_"Because I want him to have ice cream too." She smiled kindly at Vaas, this time she looked more like Eva. "And we love Daddy."_

_“Sounds right to me.” Eva said and they both looked at Vaas happily._

_He didn’t think he’d seen anything better in his life._

_“Why don’t you go down stairs and we can have some ice cream.” Eva said._

_“YES! ICE CREAM!” The girl shouted with an adorable but ferocious intensity. As soon as Eva put her down she was running out of the room and down the stairs shouting “ICE CREAM, YOU SCREAM, WE ALL SCREAM FOR ICE CREAM!”_

Vaas was alone with Eva in the bedroom.  
  
"I'm worried about how much she loves ice cream." She joked.

_He came forward and kissed her with a desperation that surprised himself._

_“Wow. What was that for?” She asked when he eventually broke the kiss._

_“She’s beautiful.” He said._

_“Tell me something I don’t know.” She grinned and started toward the door. “Let’s have some dessert.”_

_He wanted dessert alright but he'd settle for ice cream for now. He followed after Eva and walked down the stairs bewildered and content._

_About halfway down the stairs he heard a sound that he knew well. It was at odds with everything he’d just experienced and it horrified him to his fucking core. It was the sounds of terror and struggle._

_He ran down the rest of the stairs to see that Eva and Valeria were being held by several privateers with gun pointed at each of their priceless heads. Both were in tears looking at him for help._

_Hoyt was sitting on the island in the kitchen with a gun in his hand. Vaas reached for his own gun instinctively._

_“Ah ah ah, Vaas. I wouldn’t, unless you want your precious family to come to an abrupt end. Put your hands up.” Hoyt grinned evilly at him._

_“What the fuck do you want Hoyt?” Vaas glared at him letting his gun rest in his holster bitterly and raising his arms._

_Hoyt answered. “I don't know yet, but you'll do it or they’re fucking smears on the carpet.”_

_Vaas was filled with rage but he didn’t dare make a move. He couldn’t stand the idea of either Eva or Valeria coming to harm. He had no choice but to comply._

_“Okay, Hoyt. Anything you fucking want.” He said with a clenched jaw. He squeezed his eyes closed hatefully. It felt like he was choking on his pride as he swallowed it._

_"We only need one of them technically." Hoyt said. "Which one do you love more?"_

_Vaas opened his eyes, his gut wrenching with horror, at the idea of having to make that choice._

_To his surprise, all he could see was Eva and the blank black world of their dream. Hoyt, his men, the house and Valeria were gone._

_“Do you get what I’m saying now?” Eva asked him._

_He was speechless, how had he forgotten this was a dream? It wasn't real. Even Valeria. He felt his heart ache over it._

_Eva came to him and took his hands in her own and he gripped her hands tightly. She looked up into his eyes, and he was surprised to see that she looked just as upset as he felt._

_“I want to be with you. I want beautiful things with you…” She caressed his face softly with her hand and he felt the soothing sensation calm him a bit. “We can’t protect or enjoy those things here.”_

_He’d been so caught up in feeling that she thought he wasn’t enough he’d missed the point. How could he have known, he’d never had any of what she’d shown him, but he fucking wanted it now. He didn't know how he would live without it._

_“I know.” He admitted._

_“Come with me.” She begged._

_“I will.” He promised. "Don't go with Hoyt."_

_"I won't." She promised. "If you come with me."_

_"You know I'm real." He stated realizing that she wouldn't have gone to all the trouble if she thought he was just apart of her dream._

_It was her turn to look sheepish._

_"Yeah... I guess you're real." She smiled sweetly._

_He lifted her up into his arms and kissed her._

_"There's no fucking guessing. I'm real." He said looking into her hazel eyes. "I'm going to make everything else fucking real too."_

_She smiled, but shook her head like she thought he was joking._

_"I swear to God." He promised._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's song is "i hope you cry" by Meg Myers and morgxn.
> 
> I hope you get some comfort from this chapter. I'm not promising that the future chapters will hold no conflicts, trouble or dilemmas. But at least this chapter is a bit of a balm for the soul. And also daddy Vaas was just too adorable to pass up in my mind. I hope you thought so too. :)
> 
> I was in a bit of a rush to get this chapter out so expect typos. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


	42. Mi Amor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jason finds what he's looking for, and doesn't. Eva notices something's up with Laurel. Vaas tries to address some loose ends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are descriptions of rape in this chapter. There's your warning.  
> There's also a lot of perspective hopping.

_Jason breathed heavily and looked at the lifeless body of Buck on the floor in cautious awe._

_Something weird had happened to him. Just before the fight started he began to hallucinate. He hadn’t realized it’d happened until just now, when the hallucination ended and Buck was dead. In the moment he’d made him feel strangely powerful but it still bothered him._

_It’d been sort of like that dream he’d had when he saw the knife to begin with. Everything felt more vivid but messed up and strange. While he was fighting Buck it’d been like that, not as strong but still reminiscent. He looked at his hands, noticing how they shook. That’s when he noticed the knife in his right hand._

_Perfect and silver. The knife that Citra coveted, demanded was his. Not Buck’s. Buck was unworthy..._

_“I’ve got you.” He said marveling at the blade that ended the sadistic hit man. Marveling at how he’d taken it. How he’d killed for it._

_“Jason?” Keith’s voice hit his ears and drew him back to reality fully. “Are you sure he’s dead?”_

_Keith looked like a fraction of the friend Jason remembered. He was huddled over on the worn and stained mattress like he was protecting the front of his body._

_“Everything’s going to be okay. Come with me, I know a place where you’ll be safe.” Jason said, recovering his breath._

_Keith glanced nervously at Buck’s corpse again and slowly stood, still hunched over like he was prepared to protect himself at a moment’s notice. Jason started to lead him toward the stairs. Jason began to wonder what Buck had done to Keith to make him so afraid and broken. The thing that immediately came to mind was rape or some other form of sexual assault. It made him uncomfortable to think about it, let alone ask his friend, “Hey man, were you raped?” So Jason just let it hang in the air silently between them._

_“Could-” Keith halted once they were a few steps away from Buck. “Could you move him away?” His voice was uncharacteristically emotional and terrified._

_“Sure.” Jason walked over and callously grabbed Buck’s body by the arm and dragged him further away from the stairs. Keith ran up as soon as he was far enough away for his comfort._

_Jason had intended to follow but he just stood still._

_His eye had caught sight of a large map of the island on desk. There were a few pornographic photos of a brown-haired woman laying across it, made note of it because he was sure that Buck was very homosexual. Why would he have pictures of a woman? He didn’t think about it more and brushed them aside to reveal several red marks and writing on the map. A large, messily scribbled “X” was on the map at a location not too far from where they were. That was curious, but what really took Jason’s interest were the words, “VAAS’S TREASURE” written above it._

_He didn’t know why or how Buck would have information on a treasure cache of Vaas’s but he didn’t care. He wanted to go there and take it, take it all. Send a message to the fucker that he could do what he wanted, whatever it took to save his friends and defeat him._

_“Jason? A-Are you okay?” Keith’s voice came from the top of the stairs._

_“Yeah, hang on a minute.” Jason snapped a picture of the map and called up Willis._

_“Yeah kid? What do you have for me?” Willis’s voice came over the line._

_“What do you know about ‘Vaas’s treasure’?” Jason asked._

_“Vaas’s treasure? As in an actual physical location? I dunno, kid. Sounds like a trap.” Willis’s tone was doubtful._

_“I found a map in Buck’s basement, on it is a location marked ‘Vaas’s treasure.’ Do you think Buck found something?” Jason really wanted another opportunity to fuck over Vaas. Willis’s hesitation to confirm this optimism pissed him off._

_“I’d have to see for myself before I could be sure of anything.” Agent Huntley said with a knowing sigh._

_Jason sent the picture and waited._

_“Promising.” Willis said in a low voice._

_“Then you think it could be real?” Jason couldn’t hide the excitement in his tone._

_“No. I’m talking about the girl.” Willis said flatly._

_“Fuck the girl.” Jason said impatiently._

_“Exactly.” Agent Huntley sounded smug._

_“What about the map? THE MAP!!" He was properly vexed now._

_“I don’t have a clue. Buck’s pretty messed up and he and Vaas barely play nice. It could be on the level. It could be a pitfall with poisonous spikes at the bottom. Either way, I’d say it’s a waste of time.” Willis replied straightly._

_“Fine. Just see what you can find about Riley.” Jason said before hanging up._

_He started to head for the stairs, then changed his mind and folded up the map and took it with him._   
_Once he was up top he found Keith nervously waiting, jumpy as hell._

_“Is he really dead, Jason?” Keith looked like he was about to cry._

_“Yes. That motherfucker is dead. He’s not coming back.”_

_Keith closed his eyes but didn’t relax._

_“Let's get out of this fucking place.” Jason said before kicking the front door off its hinges, trying to vent his irritation.  
_

_It didn't work._

* * *

It was amazing to me that Valeria had been so full of life and personality. I’d thought her up quickly, but she seemed to take a life of her own. So much so that I found myself missing her and wishing that the baby I had would be a little girl exactly like that. 

The name “Valeria” was the name of one of the characters I played in my High School drama class’s reading of “Coriolanus.” I remembered a line where she talked about a boy catching a butterfly and letting it go over and over… Somehow it felt appropriate. 

Thinking about it now, it was a pretty good name. I wasn’t saying it was the name I’d give my baby, but it might be in the running. 

Generally, I tried not to think about that sort of thing quite yet. Though it was getting harder not to. Names, clothes, nursery decorations… They were all just floating in the distance of my consciousness, just waiting to pounce.

I couldn’t say that I was entirely upset about it. I was starting to feel excited about it. Especially now that Vaas seemed to understand and was on board with leaving the island.

What I couldn’t stop myself from dwelling on was how Vaas was thick as thieves with our imagined child. He had been awkward at the beginning - understandably - but he’d just picked up fatherhood and seemed to be at ease with it. So enamored with her that he’d completely forgotten that we were in a dream.

I had been afraid that he’d just want to make babies, not so much care about what would happen to them after they were born… My heart was greatly comforted.

“There’s a bitch with my name on her. Cole! Wake up!” Hardy suddenly stood up from the table and kicked Laurel’s boot, it drew me out of my thoughts harshly. “It’s your shift now. I’m out of here!”

Laurel stretched a bit and stood until Hardy was gone. Making a show of energy, but once Hardy was in the Scav and driving out of sight down the road Laurel collapsed back into the armchair and fell asleep again. He’d spent his free time in Badtown I assumed. Just like Hardy currently was. He’d only come back an hour before his shift started and he looked exhausted. I wondered what he’d been doing all night. If it was anything like Hardy did, it was perverted and very wrong and I didn't want to know.

I couldn't wait to be out of this stupid shack, free of this stupid chain and gone from this fucking island.

I could see Laurel’s radio, just hanging off his belt. It would be so easy to just take it and send a message out to Vaas. It was tempting but foolish. We’d agreed before we woke up that we’d play the game with Hoyt, for now. Lull him into a false sense of security and then just disappear on him.

I didn't have a lot of details on that plan. I didn’t know where we would end up living, or where we would go. Vaas said that he’d handle the whole thing. He’d have to, I certainly couldn't do anything on my end. I’d have to trust him to figure it all out.

“I scream. You scream. We all scream for ice cream.” Suddenly Sharif’s annoyed voice spoke over Laurel’s radio.

I smiled brightly and couldn’t help but laugh. It warmed my heart and soul thinking of Vaas getting his cantankerous radio operator to say something so childish and cute. I wondered if he had to pull his gun to get him to do it. I laughed louder.

“What?” Laurel snapped awake. “What’s happening?”

“Nothing.” I cleared my throat and tried to look like nothing had happened. I stared out the window again.

“Are you really going to leave, Vaas?” Laurel asked me after a couple of minutes.

I looked at him with a raised brow. Why did he care? I was just a fat paycheck to him.

“I’m going to do what I have to to get away from this island.” I answered truthfully.

Laurel smiled slightly, like he really took to the idea that I would leave Vaas behind. It seemed strange… I couldn't account for him caring about it one way or another.

“What was life like for you back where you’re from?” He asked me another question.

It was in the vein of the other questions he’d asked before. Invasive questions I’d left deliberately unanswered. It seemed that Hoyt’s spy was still on active duty.

The importance of denying Hoyt useful information was greater than ever. So I scoffed and didn’t acknowledge him.

“Why are you like this?” He asked, sounding hurt. I wouldn’t buy it and I was sick of this.

“I’m not going to tell you anything that you’ll just tattle back to your master.” I grumbled.

“What?” He looked at me like I was crazy.

“Hoyt. You’ll just repeat it all to Hoyt like a good little spy. I’m not saying a word about myself.” I shot him a scathing look.

“You think I spy for Hoyt?” He asked like I’d just slapped him upside the head with a rotten fish.

“I know you do.” I leaned on the armrest of the couch and looked up at him with an annoyed expression.

“I haven’t told him anything.” He said angrily.

“Sure. Whatever you say.” I rolled my eyes.

“I wouldn’t tell Hoyt shit about you.” He was adamant.

I looked at him like I was bored. “You’ll have to excuse my lack of faith.”

He suddenly stood after slamming his fists on the armrests of the chair.

I flinched at the sudden movement. 

He noticed.

“What? Now you think I’m going to hurt you??” He asked incredulously.

“You’re clearly upset and you have a fucking arsenal within arms reach, I don’t know what to expect.” I defended my reaction.

He stared at me silently with an unreadable expression.

“Why else would you give a shit about me and my life?” I stated more than asked. “Does he pay you extra for my biography?”

He looked like he wanted to say something, but angrily held his tongue and walked out of the shack and lit up a cigarette, looking incensed.

I had no idea what the hell that was about. Honestly, with the promise of impending escape, I didn’t really care.

\--

_Vaas woke up feeling more rested than he had since before he’d left Eva at his fortress. He was in a good fucking mood too. So much so, he didn’t get angry when Sharif didn’t put more enthusiasm in the message he’d ordered him to give. Eva would like it regardless of how happy the messenger sounded and that was enough._

_Things seemed pretty fucking great. Though, he wasn’t so optimistic that he’d let his guard down._

_He still needed to take care of Jason sooner rather than later, but it felt more like a formality now, rather than this big impossible thing. Once he’d calmed down, once Eva said she wasn’t leaving him, he realized that Jason hadn’t changed. He might be getting better at killing, but he was still angry and rash. He’d still willingly walk into a trap if he thought he was saving something or someone he cared about._

_This was the reason that Vaas found himself driving to Buck’s._

_Putting two and two together wasn’t hard. Jason was attacking the dig sites for Buck, because he had Keith. Vaas intended to cut through that deal and make use of it for his own purposes._

_He’d take Keith back and use him as bait for Jason. He’d kill Buck if he had a problem with it. He might just kill him anyway for the bullshit he’d pulled. Then he’d kill Jason and Keith. He get Eva and they’d be able to leave the island a few days later._

_He already had everything set up, he'd already paid for what they'd need. It was a matter of delivery. Hoyt would be none the wiser and Eva would finally be happy and they would be together forever._

_As he pulled up to Buck’s place it became apparent that there might be a snag to his plan. The door was kicked open and off its hinges. Vaas stepped into the dark shack. There was no sign of a struggle, but there was an open door that seemed to lead down into a cellar of some kind._

_Vaas had never been in this part of Buck’s shack but it wasn’t at all surprising that the cocksucker had a basement. He had to keep his former slave, Hector, somewhere secure. There wasn’t much room upstairs for that sort of thing._

_He descended and saw colored lights hanging over a dirty cot. There was also a toilet and another refrigerator._

_He didn’t immediately see Buck, what he did see was a large, smeary blood trail that led into the corner of the basement. There was Buck in all his sordid glory wearing boots, boxers and an open button-up shirt. The large knife wound in his chest coupled with the lack of Keith’s presence gave Vaas the impression that he’d come too late to make his plan viable._

_There were signs of a fight in the dusty footprints on the floor. Jason had fought Buck with a knife, maybe even the dagger that he’d found for Buck. It was more evidence that Jason had gone native. He’d sold his soul to Citra. Now that Vaas thought about it, Citra had a dagger on a long list of artifacts she wanted to find. “For our people.” She’d always say… Bullshit._

_Just as much of a fucking lie as that herbal brew she’d give her warriors to make them “see what no man can see” and be “stronger than any man could be.”_

_That was bullshit too._

_All it did was make you hallucinate for an hour or two while being highly suggestible. She'd just whisper to them what she wanted them to see and they'd see it. The it was a matter of pretending like she didn't do a thing when they came too. Not exactly hard for a natural born liar._

_The brew had a downside Vaas had a lot of experience with. Citra's warriors would come to kill him and a few of them would be fucking hilarious to watch. They'd get disoriented, forget where they were, attack their friends. It wasn't all her warriors, but there had been enough over the years that Vaas looked into it for his own amusement._

_He'd found out what plant she used and did some testing of his own. It wasn't something pleasant to take, unless you were surrounded by pleasant things and people when you took it. It would shift too easily into a nightmare. On top of that the lasting side effects were triggered in stressful situations. You'd lose touch with reality but at the same time, you'd be hyper aware. It was really fucking hard to keep it together enough to do anything useful. So when some of her fools would come to him determined to avenge the Rakyat and Citra's wounded pride, the stress of it would make some of them break down.  
  
The last one he'd made a message of by putting a scar on his head like his own and sending him back. Surprisingly the message seemed to work. She hadn't sent someone in a long time. Jason broke that silence. Jason was Citra's message that she wasn't done, she wouldn't roll over and wait for him to come and kill her._

_These thoughts were ruining his good mood._

_Just a few feet from Buck’s shitty corpse was a camera on a tripod, a table covered in papers, and photos and a huge shelf stuff to the brim with DVD cases. They had labels on them like, “Hector Cries While being Fucked,” and “Whipping Hector for 3 hours.” The newest one was called; “Training Keith part 1.”_

_“Got greedy, Bugarrón?” He said, looking over Buck’s dead face. His eyes were glazed over but wide, his mouth was open. It was like his death had come as a complete shock to him. Buck probably hoped to get his hands on Jason. Jason was a typical, pretty boy, not as handsome as Keith but Buck didn’t seem to be terribly particular as of late._

_Vaas shoved Buck’s corpse out of the way with his foot and pulled the camera off the tripod when he noticed that there was a tape in the deck._

_He really hoped that Buck’s death was on camera, he hoped it was entertaining to watch. It was the least Buck could do for his shit._

_He rewound the tape and pressed play._

_There was no sound but it was very apparent what was happening on camera. Buck was trying to rape Keith but something about it wasn’t what he wanted. When Buck started grabbing Keith’s junk, Vaas fast forwarded through. Buck and Keith both moved quickly, quick enough that you couldn’t see details but the context made it impossible not to understand._

_T_ _here was a point that Buck came close to the camera and flashed a picture in front of it. He was grinning like a motherfucker._

_It was so quick that Vaas wasn’t sure what he’d seen, but it looked like the naked picture of a woman. He rewound a little and played it back at normal speed._

_Buck tried to do something to Keith again, but ended up striking him across his left eye when Keith tried to defy him. Then Buck got up and walked toward the camera and then off it to the left. He returned holding up a photo to the camera. It was the picture of a naked woman in the middle of coitus. She looked sort of like Eva but the lighting was too dark to be certain._

_Buck then used the picture to try and get Keith aroused, there was no other way to explain what Vaas was looking at. It disgusted him. There were several jump cuts, all of the same thing. Buck using the photo on Keith to get what he wanted from him. Vaas found himself looking over at the photos on the table a little closer._

_The more he looked the more they seemed like Eva. He was still doubtful until he picked one up and looked it over._

_It was Eva._

_His Eva._

_It was taken when they were together in the quarry. Suddenly it made sense how Hoyt had discovered her existence. Buck had pulled some recon for Hoyt._

_The rage roaring to life in him was making it hard to think, but he tried._

_Why would Buck focus on Eva? He looked at the camera again to see Buck in the middle of raping Keith. Keith…_

_He took pictures of Eva specifically to use on Keith. It wasn’t opportunistic, it was calculated. He knew he’d get Keith as a payment and formulated a plan to use what he had to get what he wanted that fucking quick. Vaas’s rage made it feel like flames were coming out of his eyes._

_“YOU MOTHERFUCKING COCKSUCKER!!” Vaas bellowed as he kicked the stiffened corpse. “MY EVA? MINE?! JUST TO GET YOUR FUCKING BOYFRIEND A HARD ON?!!”_

_When he was sick of kicking and stomping the corpse, he pulled out his gun and fired his entire clip into Buck’s face._

_It was just a splattered mess on the floor by the time the last shot fired._

_Vaas breathed, deep and enraged. He looked at the camera again._

_The tape had nearly run out, but he saw Jason come down the stairs looking horrified and hateful._

_Vaas's interest peaked again._

_Jason talked with Keith and Buck snuck down behind them. He was holding the fucking dagger in his hand. He spoke to Jason in his very physical way and then he got ready to fight. Jason looked disoriented for a moment before pulling his own knife and circling._

_They fought. At first it seemed like Buck had gotten the upper hand, disarming Jason and tossing him down. But Jason popped up again, overpowered Buck and stabbed him through with the dagger while Buck was still holding it. Jason looked like he was waking up from a dream. He shook and looked over the dagger in his hand like it was amazing._   
_The tape ended as Jason was dragging Buck’s body toward the camera, where it was when Vaas found him._

_That death wasn’t enough. It was too good for Buck. It made Vaas hate Jason even more._

_He couldn’t use Keith to bait Jason now. He’d have to find a new way, but considering the ink of Jason’s arm being more filled out since Vaas last saw him, and the way he acted before and after the fight… Vaas was dead certain that Jason had thrown in with the Rakyat. He was Citra’s drone. Vaas could bait him with something he already had. It would be easy._

_He left the disgust of Buck’s behind him, setting it ablaze before he went. He got into his Scav and started for the prison camp._

_He began to dial up Hoyt._

_He’d get the motherfucker’s help trapping Jason. It’d keep Hoyt distracted, make him think that Vaas owed him one and it’d get Jason in the fucking ground._

_He’d make it a whole fucking production too._

_Hoyt like that shit._

_Wish fucking granted._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's song is "Mi Amor" by Vanessa Paradis. It's about time we had a song in Michael Mando's native tongue eh? It happens to fit really well too. ;P
> 
> Jason perspective?! Yes. Couldn't help it.
> 
> Sorry about the mentions of Keith's rape. I tried to tone it back as much as I could. Keith is a d-bag for sure, but I can't help but feel bad for him when Jason finds him in the game.
> 
> We're getting to THAT part of the game aren't we? Yikes. Well, I'm nervous...  
> I'm sure that you're wondering how that part will go down in my story.   
> No spoilers. Sorry. We'll all have to be patient.  
> The only thing I'll say is that I hope I don't disappoint you too much.


	43. Before the Fever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The many perspectives of a slow motion train wreck...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a long chapter. There are four different perspectives in it. There is mentions of attempted suicide, suicidal thoughts, rape/non-con and a mention of abortion.  
> Here's your warning.

Eka was used to being forgotten. Her own family had forsaken her, Lemah had pushed her away, no one in her village probably remembered her name by now. It was painful being forgotten, but she’d accepted it and there was a sad comfort in it. If no one remembered you, no one could hate you. She did enough of that on her own.

Then there was Eva and Carlos. She’d expected Eva to be spoiled, selfish and cruel - like Vaas - but she wasn’t. She cared about what happened to her, made sure Vaas wouldn’t hurt her. Eva was like the angels that the missionaries had told her about when she was a child. Guardians of the good people in the world.

Carlos was also her angel. She didn’t know how love was supposed to be until he’d touched her and she’d taken Eva’s advice and allowed love to happen between them.

She’d thought that Carlos would be cruel, treat her like the impure trash she felt she was. He didn’t. He’d treated her like what she imagined a Queen would be treated. He’d talk about the future and dazzle her with the surprising beauty of it.

That was before. She hadn’t seen Carlos or Eva in such a long time.

She’d excused their absence at first. Eva had probably been taken to another place of Vaas’s, Carlos was probably busy with orders. Everything was fine. She waited patiently for word or for Carlos to come back, trying not to be afraid or too lonely. Trying especially to avoid any reason within her power that would make Vaas come back. For the most part she was successful.

One afternoon Eka was sweeping up the floor in Vaas’s place when that suddenly changed.

“Come with me.” She heard Carlos’s voice whisper in her ear.

She jumped and turned, but didn’t see him.

He’d sounded so real. Was she going crazy?

She excused it as being tired and carried on with her day.

That night she could hear Carlos, but not see him begging her not to leave him alone. She’d stayed up all night trying to find him. She’d even gone outside and was brave enough to ask the pirates where he was. They just gave each other strange, uneasy looks and told her they hadn’t seen him.

They were lying about something. Where was he?

She spent the next day exhausted and worried that she was insane. Surely if he were really there, she'd have found him or seen him by now. Carlos wouldn't be so unfeeling that he'd play a joke on her like this.

It was the next night when she finally found her love.

She was trying to sleep on the sectional in Vaas's place but she couldn’t, because Carlos was talking to her again. She tried to block him out by covering her ears but it was like his voice was skipping her ears and ringing directly in her brain.

“Ven conmigo. Mi amor por ti es para siempre. Por favor no me dejes sola esta noche.” She didn’t know what it meant but it would drive her crazy, if she wasn’t already.

She got up to splash water on her face, hoping that it would shock some sense into her head, and that’s when she noticed him standing by the dining table. He was perfectly still, like a shadow in the darkness. If she hadn’t somehow known it was him she would have screamed and hid.

“Where were you?” She demanded an answer for his prolonged absence, and for his tormenting her for days.

He didn’t answer so she turned on the light.

Carlos was pale and covered with blood. A lot of that blood was on his head and chest.

Eka panicked and tried to find things to clean him off and bandage him up.

“What happened?” She asked tears forming in her eyes at the thought that he’d been hurt. Carlos didn’t speak, or move. She came to him and tried to use a wet cloth to clean the blood away only to have her hands drift through him.

She’d screamed, of course. She’d also tried to barricade herself in the bathroom.

As with most reports of ghosts, physical barriers meant nothing. It wasn’t long before he was in the bathroom with her, begging her to come with him. Be with him. Forever.

She spent the better part of the night and next day trying to run from him or pretend he wasn't there. She’d even begged for help from Odane - Carlos’s best friend - who just looked at her with silent pity but did nothing and said nothing. She heard him telling others, once she was out of view that he thought she was going crazy.

A while longer of being unable to flee Carlos she realized the truth that no one would tell her; Carlos was dead.

But not gone. Not for her.

She couldn’t handle this. The unfairness of it. The horror of it. It broke her.

After a few more nights without sleep, Carlos didn’t look awful anymore. He looked alive. He’d try to hold her and she could almost feel him again.

She needed to feel him. He was begging her to join him, be with him in death. It didn’t sound too bad now. Life was pointless without him anyway.

That’s when she took a kitchen knife to her wrist.

It was painful and it scared her immediately after she’d done it. She hadn’t expected that. She called for help and stumbled around the apartment looking for something to stop the bleeding. But the cut was deep and it wasn’t long before she collapsed on the ground, feeling faint.

In this terrible moment - when the fear of death was strongest - she’d felt him. Really felt him.

He kissed her and told her everything would be okay. She could feel his arms around her and it was the best thing she’d ever felt.

That’s when Odane and other pirates burst into the apartment and found her. They stopped her from dying and effectively taking Carlos from her again.

She’d tried to kill herself several times since then. Each time she was thwarted. The pirates of Vaas’s fortress did everything they could to keep her alive.

It started with removing obviously dangerous things, then not so obviously dangerous ones. Then she was watched… Each time she found a way to try and be with Carlos again. Each time they stopped her just in time.

She wondered why they would care. She was no one to them. Vaas hated her. Why were they keeping her alive? Why hadn’t they forsaken her?

When Carlos’s replacement came to the island she got her answer. Benny had them chain her up to where she could barely move. The pirates would force feed her, keep her hydrated and clean; do everything necessary to keep her breathing. All because Vaas feared that Eva would blame him and do something drastic as a result.

The information would have been lovely, touching and comforting before she knew Carlos was dead. It would have made Eka weep from the beauty of it. 

Now it only made her weep for the misery of living without him. Her guardian angel was only prolonging her tortuous existence.

As she laid there on the cot in the concrete room, unable to move, she wished that she could will her heart to stop beating. That she could just die, without effort.

Carlos was knelt beside her as she cried in silence. He begged her to find some way to come with him as he caressed her with empty touches that she would do anything to feel again.

Being forgotten was painful.

Being remembered was agony.

* * *

Cole was never terribly romantic, not even when he was younger. He never cared about finding his soulmate. He never worried about what it would mean if it didn’t happen. He didn’t date. He didn’t dream. He didn't plan. His family thought he was crazy. The rest of the world shunned him for not caring about the rules.

When you thought that most of the culture and rules around dating were bullshit, there wasn't a lot of people willing to give you the time of day. So he was often alone.

This was life, stupid and lonely as it was, he accepted it.

He’d joined the military when he was 18, straight out of school. He was gifted at combat. It was the only thing that made him really feel a spark for life. The only trouble was he had a mind of his own.

He didn’t like taking orders and all the fucking rules he had to follow. So when Hoyt came recruiting he promptly went AWOL and found himself in the Rook Islands.

He could fight, kill, do everything he enjoyed without getting shit for it. There were orders and rules, but only three and they were easy to follow. It pretty much boiled down to giving Hoyt his money and not harming the merchandise. Not a fucking problem.

Like most of the other privateers and pirates on the island, he’d pay for a temporary end to his loneliness whenever he wanted it or used some of the merchandise to get off when there was one that he liked the look of. 

There was no one holding him down or demanding commitment. No one cared about him and he cared about no one but himself. He was fine with that, it suited him.

When he took the gig to watch Eva, he hadn’t expected much beyond lots of money. If he thought or expected anything from his charge was that she would be like Vaas. Angry, hateful, dangerous, may be even scarred up like he was. He didn’t know.

He definitely didn’t expect Eva to be funny or beautiful. He didn’t expect her to be kind or listen to him, really talk to him. He didn’t think that he’d feel needed, and wanted.When he offered her a hug for the first time he did it as a joke. He didn’t think that he’d like it or want her to touch and hold him again.

Almost without thinking about it he’d started doing nice things for her. Secretly of course.

Before he’d wake Barker up for his shift he’d check the outhouse and the shack for any spiders, and erased any evidence of them so she wouldn’t be afraid.

Sometimes, if she and Barker were sleeping at the same time he’d pull off her shackle, quietly and carefully. He’d tend the raw skin around her ankle to make sure she wasn’t uncomfortable or in pain.

He made sure that her favorite fruits were in the fridge.

He really wanted to look while she bathed, he didn’t. He gave her respect.

Even though he did all these things to prove to her that he wasn’t like Barker or Vaas, she inexplicably she started to withdraw from him. She stopped touching, stopped talking. He didn’t like that. He wanted things to be the way they were before. He wanted to be needed again. That was the moment he realized how he felt.

He was in love, for the first time in his life. He loved her.

It was stupid, wasn’t it? She was clipped with Vaas, he’d try to reason with himself. But she’d already gave him the impression that she had a lot of trouble with her violent soulmate. Sometimes he wondered if she even liked Vaas.

It would be the first time he’d heard of soulmates not getting along. However strange it seemed it all made sense. He’d never cared to find a soulmate. She didn’t like the one she had. It almost felt like destiny. Two misfits that fit together.

Still, he played it cool. He knew that even though she might not like Vaas, she’d probably still need him. That’s the way that shit seemed to work. At times she did seem to be suffering, though not nearly as much as he expected. She was really good at withholding, hiding her feelings. Perhaps that’s why she pulled away? The poor thing was in a lot of pain. It was the only thing that made sense.

He hadn't allowed himself to dream up any plans for them to be together until after Hoyt came.

Hoyt talked to her, all but demanded she leave Vaas for good, she just agreed. Cole knew she could argue and fight if she really wanted to - she fought with Barker all the time - but this time she didn’t. She just accepted the deal like she was at wit's end.

She must really hate Vaas if she was willing to make a deal with a devil like Hoyt to get away from him. It was like the heavens fucking opened and confirmed for him that this _was_ destiny.

That's when he gave himself the green light to love her.

The deal with Hoyt was bullshit. What else could it be? Hoyt was just planning on moving her further away from Vaas. Put her where Vaas had no chance of finding her or had access to her without going through Hoyt. He wanted her to come willingly so that the chance that she’d get hurt or die would be minimal, because for some reason he didn’t want her dead. He was really adamant about that.

Eva, shrewd as she was, was walking into a trap.

So Cole stepped in. He made plans to save her in secret. Take her away from Vaas and Hoyt. He’d come up with a plan and it came together without a hitch. It was meant to be.

He did have a moment of doubt when she confessed that she pulled away from him because she thought he was spying for Hoyt and she thought he would hurt her. He was upset at first, but once he calmed down he realized that she was just a victim of Vaas’s cruelty. She might not realize that she could be loved and respected. It was more proof that she needed him.

He proceeded with his plans anyway. He show her that he would never sell her out to Hoyt, and he wouldn't allow Vaas to keep hurting her. He'd make it so that no one who cared would even think to look for her.

And it would all be set into motion with Barker’s next shift.

* * *

“Riley’s dead.” Keith said angrily.

Jason felt like the air disappeared from his lungs.

“I’m sorry. He tried to escape and they shot him.” Keith continued.

They looked at each other for a long moment. Keith looked at Jason with pity. Jason felt hatred building in every muscle as he slowly realized he had no brother’s left.

Daisy, Oliver and Liza came over and greeted and embraced Keith happily.

Jason should have been there sooner. Saved Riley sooner. He should have paid more attention, tried harder.

He could have done something more… If he had, maybe Grant and Riley would be here now. They could all escape this place together.

Daisy led Keith away to care for him. Oliver and Liza went back to whatever they were doing. None of them seemed to have noticed that Jason was tearing himself apart, mere feet from where they stood. Did they even give a shit beyond their own rescue?

Here he was working his ass off, doing shit they could never do and they didn’t seem to care about what happened to him, as long as they got away, as long as he saved them.

No. This was Hoyt’s and Vaas’s fault. Not his friends’. Not his.

“They killed him. Vaas and Hoyt, those motherfuckers. Wasn’t one brother enough? I’ll get them. All of them. I swear.” He said as he stared into the fire, feeling the overwhelming grief slowly corrupt into rage within him.

Liza turned to him, seeming to notice his distress. 

“Hey, Jason, what’s wrong?” She asked.

For a moment Jason didn’t think he could answer, not without acknowledging the emotions building inside him, tearing him up.

“Riley’s dead.” He said, repeating what Keith had told him, like he was about to weep.

He wouldn't, he didn't need to cry. He’d proven his mettle. He’d saved everybody else when they couldn't do shit to save themselves. He killed. He was strong. He wouldn’t honor his brother's memories with tears, he’d honor them with blood.

Liza’s face made it clear that she didn’t get it.

“You need to process this. Why don’t you stay here. I can help.” She said solemnly, stepping forward to embrace him. “I can take care of you.”

He shoved her away. She was trying to overcompensate again. Every time a moment came for her to prove her affection, she would do it. Like she was making up for the bond that neither of them felt toward each other. He was into it before. He didn’t like the idea that something would tie him down without his control. Now he realized that Liza was still trying to cage him like they were bound together even though she had no right to. This wasn't the time for it either. This wasn't her moment to prove anything.

“Stop making this about us.” Jason snapped at her.

“What are you talking about?” She demanded.

“My brother just died, and I need to deal with it on my own. OK?” He said like it fully explained how he felt.

“Okay.” She answered like she didn’t get it or like it but knew better than to fight it.

“I’ll be here if you need me.” She said as he walked away from her.

That was the point, wasn’t it? He didn’t need her. Maybe it was time that they realized that what they had was less than nothing and started acting like it. It wasn't that simple, but he wanted it to be. They’d both tried to make it work, even though he now knew it ultimately wouldn’t.

He left once it was apparent that none of his other friends could give him what he needed either.

Keith didn’t want to talk about anything. Oliver was stoned and grieving. Daisy scolded him for being distant and blamed the dagger for it.

He supposed they had their excuses.

Keith had been abused and raped by Buck. 

Oliver was constantly stoned to avoid the effects he still suffered after he lost his soulmate Becky in High School. When he wasn’t high, he’d see her. It fucked him up more when he was sober, so Jason didn’t mind his callousness so much.

He realized that he could excuse Daisy for the same reason. In fact, Jason supposed that Daisy was going to have to figure out how to deal with the same problem as Ollie now that Grant was gone. Would she start seeing him too?

He felt fucked up that he wished she wouldn’t, not because he was concerned that she might end up ruined like Oliver was. He was jealous that she might get to see him again when he couldn’t.

Daisy didn't seem that broken up anymore. She'd always been a get-things-done type of person. He figured her real test would come after they didn't have killer pirates to survive and escape.

It was night when he left the cave. He had a dagger to deliver and he’d delayed enough. He climbed into the driver’s seat of the white Scav he’d taken and felt the shape of Buck’s map in his pocket.

He pulled it out and looked over the red writing again.

_**VAAS’S TREASURE** _

The writing seemed to glow in the darkness, daring him to do what he wanted to do. What he needed to do. Fuck Agent Huntley’s warnings. He needed to take something back that would hurt Vaas. The fucker didn't seem to give a shit about people. Did he care about his shit? Would he cry over it? Jason hoped he would.

He fired up the Scav and drove toward the location on the map.

It was dark and he missed the turn for the overgrown road he needed to take.

It was a nuisance, not just because it was inconvenient and he was already angry. It was trouble because Jason ran into several of Vaas’s men because of it.

It confirmed that he was probably near something that Vaas didn’t want found, if so many pirates were there. That was comforting, that he’d wasn’t wasting his time, it was also comforting because Jason wanted to vent the hate he felt for himself and for Vaas and Hoyt.

He pulled the Scav over, skidding so that it blocked the road. He took cover behind it and the fire fight began.

He was good at this. Headshot after headshot he’d killed ten pirates before two minutes had passed and more seemed to be coming. He wanted them to never end, not until the grief, hate and pain were emptied from him.

Eventually there was only one pirate left. Jason ran from his cover and dispatched him with the dagger. He fell over and the fight was done.

When he pulled the dagger from his body, Jason was in awe at how the blood seemed to just fall off the blade. This dagger was fucking magical. He almost didn’t want to hand it over.

Just as Jason was looking over the carnage for loot, he noticed that there was a large column of smoke billowing up with the telltale glow of fire at it’s base. He tensed when he realized that it was coming from the area of Vaas’s treasure.

* * *

It was Hardy’s shift and he looked annoyed about it. Laurel left to go who knows where. Business as usual.

Until a whore showed up at the shack without explanation. From what I could see, she just appeared. There was no vehicle or person who drove her there…

She claimed that Hardy’s “employer” paid for her for Hardy’s entertainment. He just accepted this with an exuberant shout of; “Fuck yes!”

She stepped into the light of the shack and I was surprised at how much she looked like Eka. Maybe an older sister. She looked at me with dead, tired eyes. 

She could see that I was chained up, but she didn’t seem to think anything of it. She followed Hardy and placed herself on his lap as he sat down, her expression never changed. She looked like a zombie.

I was glad that I would be leaving before this place could beat me down that much. To be so used to the worst of this world that nothing moves you one way or another… I couldn’t stand the idea of ending up like her.

As soon as her backside touched his thighs he began to obscenely take advantage of her presence, without thought of me being witness to it.

I stepped outside and covered my ears and looked up at the sky, trying to pretend that I wasn’t hearing what was too loud to block out.

The prostitute might have seemed dead, but she didn’t sound like it. Try as I might I couldn’t stop from hearing her saying Barker’s name and giving wild and orgasmic sounds. She was just doing her job, and she apparently did it well because Hardy acted like she wasn’t paid to do it. He acted like she was fucking him purely because she wanted to. Or maybe Hardy was just that delusional to believe that he was just that good.

After a while things quieted down, thankfully. Hardy and the prostitute talked to each other quietly and it didn’t have to cover my ears to avoid hearing it. I sat down on the porch and leaned back on my arms. It was easier to pretend that I didn’t have a chain on my leg when I stared up at the stars and clouds in the darkness. I could almost convince myself that Vaas was just inside and we were together in a place far away from drugs, slavery and death.

I didn’t know how long I was stuck in my own world, but my little fantasy was broken when Hardy started to tug on my chain.

“Leave me alone.” I warned.

“Come on. We just want to have fun.” Hardy said. I could see from his silhouette that he was standing in the doorway with my chain in his hand.

I stood up and pulled the chain, trying to free it from his grasp. I noticed that he was naked.

I turned around feeling ill. I never wanted to know how big Hardy was, unfortunately the sight was burned in my skull.

“You aren’t a fucking nun. Come on.” He said in a low tone.

“No.” I said simply.

He came up behind me. Pressing himself against my backside. He was hard and I felt it poking into the small of my back.

I stepped away.

He angrily tugged my chain hard enough that I fell. He started dragging me back. 

What would I do now? I couldn’t make fun of him and hope he wouldn’t get hard this time. He was already ready to go. He was going to rape me, unless I did something right now.

“Just fuck your whore!” I shouted unable to think through my panic. I tried to dig my heels in to no avail.

“We have a dance we didn’t finish, don’t we Princess?” He said, referring to the last time.

“I’ll fucking tell Hoyt.” I threatened.

“I don’t give a shit.” He said, pulling me close enough to touch my leg. “Hoyt has it coming.”

I looked behind him at the whore who was also naked, sitting on the armrest of the chair like nothing was happening.

“Help me!” I screamed at her, trying to keep Hardy from pulling my pants off. She turned her head to look at me resentfully before lighting up a cigarette. I wouldn’t get any sympathy or help from her.

I wouldn’t give up my hold on my pants so Hardy knelt down and turned his attention to my shirt. The fabric promptly tore. I tried to fend him off, but the moment my hands left my pants he was back to trying to tug them free. When I switched back to holding on my pants he put his hands over my breasts and squeezed. I tried to pull his hands away, only to have him go back to pulling my pants off.

It was horrifyingly idiotic. 

His hands seemed to multiply and I was being undressed a little more each time I tried to stop him.

At one point I quit caring about my clothes and started to attack him. I racked my nails across his face. I started kicking and hitting anything I could. He got off of me and headed inside the shack. I tried to get up and run while he was distracted. 

A shot rang through the air. He’d fired his gun into the air.

Unlike Vaas, I believed that Hardy might actually shoot me, so I froze.

“We’re going to try this again, Princess.” He said “Turn around.”

I did. 

My angry, suicidal streak that wanted me to fight and defy at any cost had died when I thought about the small life growing inside me.

Hardy smiled vindictively. I could see the dark streaks on his face where I clawed him. It was running down his face, dripping… Blood. I started to feel faint. 

He walked close to me and I didn’t look at him. Now would be a horrible time to faint. I tried to do what Alec had told me. Squeezing all the muscles in my limb. Trying to keep the blood in my head. He tore the remains of my shirt off with his free hand.

“It’s too fucking bad you had to be stupid about this. You should have just let it happen. This would have been fun for you.” He said, painfully gripping one of my breasts. I cringed and I wanted to throw up.

“Get on your knees.” He pointed down with his pistol while wiping his mouth.

I realized what he was going to make me do.

“Not that. Please!” I begged.

“GET ON YOUR FUCKING KNEES.” He said, pressing the gun to my head again.

I looked at the whore again, hoping that she’d had a change of heart and would be willing to help me at last. She was leaning in the doorway without a stitch on, watching like it was all par for the course. She lazily blew smoke into the night air. 

I bitterly clenched my fists and slowly sank to my knees.

“Open your mouth.” Hardy smiled cruelly at me.

I gritted my teeth and contemplated using them to tear off anything that he would put into my mouth, but I couldn’t. It was apparent that he’d gone mad. He’d kill me and by extension kill Valeria.

I slowly started opening my mouth when a gunshot blasted. 

I wondered if I’d been shot. It had been so close and loud that I wasn’t sure if I’d shook from a bullet hitting me or just the shock of it.

The whore started screaming as Hardy fell back to the ground. Another gunshot and she was silenced, collapsing in the doorway of the shack.

I waited for my turn, but it never came.

“I’m so fucking sorry.” I heard Laurel’s voice behind me. I didn’t move, I was trying to comprehend what had happened. “I didn’t know he’d do that.”

Laurel knelt beside me and embraced me.

“It’s okay now. I’m rescuing you.” He whispered into my ear.

He pulled off his jacket and wrapped it around me. When didn’t move he guided my arms through the sleeves. Then he put his hands on the sides of my face.

“I should have believed you about him. I’m sorry.” He said, pulling me to my feet.

_What the fuck was this?_

He unlocked the chain on my leg and clamped the shackle on the whore’s leg and dragged her inside. He went further in and came back out with a bottle of water in his hand. He offered it to me.

I took it from him slowly, still looking at him with a confused as fuck expression on my face.

“What are you doing?” I asked quickly.

“I told you, I’m rescuing you.” He said with a smile as he dragged Hardy’s corpse toward the shack.

Had Vaas paid him to do this? Why would Vaas just give up on our plan? Was this a sting meant to entrap Hardy? Was Hoyt behind this? Was he trying to take me from Vaas now, rather than later?

“Why would you do that?” I asked him, feeling myself tremble as I started walking toward him.

“I care about you.” He said with a bashful smile, not looking me in the eye.

This was crazy.

“We have to hurry, someone might have heard the gunshots. Let me get the truck.” He said after both Hardy’s corpse had joined the whore’s inside the shack. Laurel made his way back toward the road.

“Wait!” I said grabbing his arm as he passed me. “What do you mean? What are you doing?”

He put a hand lovingly on my cheek and tried to kiss me. I pulled back. He seemed upset by it.

“You aren’t in the mood for that right now. Not with what fucking happened.” He said like he was explaining to himself why I’d rejected his kiss.

“Tell me what’s happening!” I shouted almost hysterically.

“I’m taking you away from the island.” He answered with a smile. “Just like you wanted.”

“But Vaas - I mean Hoyt, he promised that-” I almost betrayed that I intended to leave with Vaas, not Hoyt.

“Hoyt lied. He’d just hold you hostage on the mainland where Vaas can’t find you or get you.” He said angrily. 

_Fucking bastard._

Laurel held me against his chest tightly, like Vaas might. It bothered me greatly.

“I’m not going to let that happen.” He said, “We’re escaping. Hoyt’ll think that you’re dead, when I tell him that Jason killed you and Barker during his shift and he finds your ‘body’ in the shack with Barker’s.”

I suddenly understood. I was an idiot. I didn’t think that Laurel felt anything for me. Certainly not love. I was bound to Vaas, he knew it. What kind of fool thinks that he can successfully make off with another man’s soulmate?

_An insane one…_

I needed to navigate this situation carefully and quickly before he could spirit me away where I couldn’t get back to Vaas.

Laurel let me go and began walking down the road from the shack, he pulled out his phone and called someone. I could only assume it was Hoyt.

My brain raced for something I could do to stop this. I needed some way to get in touch with Vaas, and sleeping wasn’t an option.

 _Use the radio, Sirenita. You can do it._

Hardy had a radio. It was inside the shack right now. Laurel was getting his truck… I had a few precious moments to save myself. I dropped the water bottle and bolted as hard as I could back inside the shack, leaping over the corpses and trying not to look at them. Hardy’s belt was still in the belt loops of his pants by the armchair. I pulled the radio out of its holster and changed the channel to the one I’d last used when I tried to get a hold of Vaas. It was a channel the pirates often used.

“Sharif, this is an emergency!” I shouted in as low of a tone as I could and waited a moment for a response. I bounced on the balls of my feet nervously. “Sharif! It’s Carlos! I have to tell Vaas something fucking important.”

“What do you need to tell him, ‘Carlos?’” Sharif asked and I could tell he wasn’t too keen on talking to me.

“Tell him his mermaid is near Badtown by a radio tower. There’s a shack. Tell him to come save her!”

“Oh yeah, I’ll tell him.” Sharif said flippantly.

“You don’t fucking understand! He’s coming!” I hissed. Vaas said he’d talked to Sharif and put the fear of God in him about not telling him about the messages from “Carlos.” 

Apparently Sharif was a die-hard atheist. 

I could hear the sound of a vehicle approaching. There wasn’t much of a place to hide, I saw the out house through the window. Maybe I could hide there… I quickly grabbed Hardy’s combat knife from his belt and tucked it into the back of my pants. I opened the old window with great difficulty.

“Vaas’ll lose her forever unless he comes right now!” I said as I jumped out the window and ran to the outhouse.

“I’ve sent men to go get her.” He sounded smug. “They’ll pick her up soon. Don’t fucking worry.”

_Shit! SHIT!_

A minute later I heard the vehicle come to a stop. There was the sound of someone opening and slamming a squeaky door and the sound of boots on the dirt. I shoved the radio into one of the pockets on the jacket. The boots seemed to walk around for a few minutes.

I wondered if I should run. Hide in the bushes, try to make my way back to Vaas without having a clue of where I was. My luck ran short as the boots started walking very purposely in my direction.

I wished that somehow it was Vaas, that he’d miraculously figured out where I was just in time and he killed Laurel on his way. That the sound of footfalls getting closer to me wasn’t spelling my doom.

“What are you doing in there?” Laurel asked with a raised eyebrow as he appeared in the doorway.

“I don’t feel well.” It was the truth.

“Come on, you’ll feel better once we leave this place.” He promised.

He took my hand, which was trembling, and led me toward the truck that was still running with its headlights on. 

What could I do? What should I do? Thinking it through I could only play along until I found a low-risk opening. How long till that happened? If it happened at all.

We were a few feet away from the truck when we heard the distant echoes of gunfire. It reminded me of when I woke up on the beach.

The radio crackled to life, “It’s fucking Jason Bro-”

Laurel halted and turned toward me.

“What the fuck was that?” He asked angrily.

“Your radio.” I lied.

“My radio is off.” He said as he quickly tugged me close and searched the pockets of the shirt he’d put on me. He pulled Hardy’s radio from the pocket I’d put it in and looked at it like it was poison.

“Who were you talking to??” He demanded. “Vaas?”

“No.” Again it was the truth.

“What the fuck are you doing?! I thought you wanted to get away from him!” He shouted at me like I’d betrayed him.

“Look, I’m bound to Vaas.” I tried to reason with him. “You’re a great guy, and this rescue was so kind of you, but I can’t leave Vaas. I need him. Don’t you understand?”

He looked really angry, like he was contemplating violence.

I glanced carefully around for something that could help me. There were several cans of gas sitting on the porch. Laurel was going to torch the place.

My eyes snapped back toward him, his face was calm again. Almost serene.

“It’s the bond talking. You’ll feel better in a little while.” He explained my reality check away. “It’ll work out.”

“I’m pregnant.” I said unsure why I thought it was a good idea to say it. Maybe it was because he couldn’t just explain it away. Something that he hadn’t planned for. I’d hoped that it would bring him back to sanity, make him realize that he should put his romantic hopes in someone else. He looked at me like I was a ghost for a moment, then that same self-reassuring smile came back to his face.

“You poor thing.” He said stroking my hair. “Where we’re going there is a way to deal with that.”

 _What the fuck?_ He wasn’t suggesting that I have an abortion?

“I’m keeping it! I want it!” I shouted at him. “It’s Vaas’s baby and I LOVE HIM!”

He struck me across the face, cutting off my impassioned speech as I fell to the earth. It surprised and disoriented me for a moment, then it stung. I held my face and looked up at Laurel who’s angry face softened and he knelt down next to me and cradled me in his arms.

“Let go of me.” I hissed a warning.

“I’m so sorry. You don't know what I've gone through to help you, protect you. You shouldn’t lie to me. You shouldn't say things that you don't mean.” He rocked me a bit. “Vaas is a monster, you can’t love him.”

DId he think that he was some pure knight in shining armor, free of sin and wrongdoing? How had he become this crazy without me noticing?

“Vaas never hit me before. You’re the motherfucking monster.” I reached behind me and gripped the handle of the knife.

“I told you not to lie.” He said pulling back enough to look me in the eye.

I slammed the knife up into his chin as hard and fast as I could and closed my eyes as the spray of hot blood covered my face and chest.

He went rigid and made horrible gurgling sounds before he fell over.

I was shaking and breathing furiously through my teeth fighting to stay conscious by the time the gurgling stopped and he fell still.

I’d killed. I’d really done it. I didn’t have Vaas to blame it on this time. 

_Your hands are filthy. You murdered a man. You’re just as much of a monster as I am._

I could almost hear Vaas’s voice like he was there talking to me. I was a monster. I crawled away from Laurel’s corpse, a harrowed expression frozen on my face. What should I do?

_You’ve made a fucking mess of things, hermosa. Take some fucking responsibility and clean it up._

I stood and grabbed one of the jerry cans sitting just outside the shack. I hauled it inside and accidentally stepped on Hardy’s hand and it made a ghastly crunch. 

Without warning I hurled into the seat of the broken armchair. Once I finished I was shaking so badly I couldn't find the strength to lift the large can. So I just settled for knocking it over and letting it flow all over the floor. 

I searched Hardy’s clothes and found a lighter. I stepped outside the loathsome shack and flicked the lighter till a small little flame blazed up. I tossed the lighter into the puddle of petrol that had spread over most of the floor, including where Hardy and the whore lay. The gas quickly lit up and everything on the floor started to burn. I backed away from the shack slowly, until I couldn’t feel the heat of the flames that began to consume it in its entirety. 

I sat next to a tree and wrapped my arms around my knees. I felt numb and broken like the world wasn’t real. I wasn’t really there. I hadn’t really experienced anything. I was just watching it happen to someone else.

I was so lost I hadn't even noticed that the distant gunshots had ceased and that another vehicle was approaching. I just blinked as the headlights grew brighter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's song is "Before the Fever" by Grimes. The title says it all doesn't it?
> 
> I'm not entirely happy with this chapter. Some parts feel awkwardly written. Other parts trouble me because they feel too personal.
> 
> I might do some rewrites. I don't know. This was a rough chapter. I might just say "fuck it" and move to the next one. Let me know what you think.


	44. Cinnamon Girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eva finds herself in a familiar environment under completely new circumstances.  
> Hoyt gets some very upsetting news and an unfortunate visitor.

I can’t see but I can hear. There’s a cacophony of disembodied voices wafting through the darkness. It’s all noise and terrible. I want to run, cover my ears, something. I can do nothing.

_Where are you?_

My ears pick up on Vaas’s voice, like he was louder than the awful racket around me. He’s like a beacon. I want to respond but I feel trapped inside myself, I’m not even sure I have a mouth to speak with.

_Where are you?_

He asks again.

“I’m here!” I think, trying to will my thoughts into speech. “I’m right here!”

There’s an uproar of sound. Voices overlap and blend until all I hear is a rush of static or water.

“Yes, I know where you are.” I hear Alec say and I open my eyes. “Calm yourself. You’re alright.”

I’m on the bed in the children’s room upstairs in his house where he stitched up my hand before. 

“How?” I sit up and notice I’m still wearing the jacket that Laurel wrapped around me. It has blood staining the sleeves and down the front. I wobble a bit remembering the last time I looked at them.

A Scav drove up and a man stepped out. He looked like Dane Cook, if Dane Cook went Rambo. He ignored me at first, which was fine with me. I didn’t want to see or talk to anyone ever again. I just wanted to sit under that tree until I was a fossil.

He looked over the shack angrily watching it burn for what felt no longer than a minute. Then he looked at Laurel, laying on the ground love struck and dead. I felt sick and buried my face into my arms. I begged the fossilization come quicker.

“Hey, what happened here?” He asked me in a voice that didn’t sound very friendly. I ignored him, fossilized women didn't speak.

“What was in there? Who did this?” He asked, and I could tell he was closer and irritated by my determination not to exist. I just shook my head, pressing my forehead against my knees.

“I’m talking to you! What the fuck happened!?” He grabbed me painfully by my arms, hauling me up to acknowledge him. I looked into his eyes, dark and impatient with the hint of an emerald color, and just looked away. I had no words to explain anything. I didn't want to remember what happened.

He let go of me and looked at his hands like he’d touched something disgusting, then he looked down my body and his brow furrowed with confusion or concern, I couldn't tell which.

“Are you okay?” He asked, sounding more surprised than caring.

I followed his gaze and saw dark liquid glimmering in the firelight.

Blood.

It was all over the sleeves of the jacket and on the bare skin of my stomach and chest. It almost looked like a shirt, it was so thick.

That was the last thing I remember before the loud darkness.

“I’m sorry I didn’t have anything to replace it with. I tried to clean the stains out, but blood is difficult to remove.” Alec said with a sad smile.

The jacket was zipped up around me, and I could tell that I only had my half-torn, a size-too-small bra on underneath it.

I noticed that there was light pouring through the window. It was daytime.

“How long have I been asleep?” I asked, pulling the covers off my legs and standing up.

“You tossed and turned the whole time, murmuring things. Not very restful. Not what I could call sleeping.” He said watching me walk to the boarded-over window and look through the slats. 

“It’s still quite early. As you can see.” He said a bit too slowly to be completely sober.

“Thank you for helping me.” I said quietly, overlooking his yard and appreciating how free of corpses and carnage it was. “Again.”

“Indeed. A man would have to be a heartless monster not to help a woman in your condition.” He slurred his words a bit.

“Then it’s true, isn’t it?” I asked. “I’m pregnant.”

“Yes. You are.” He said quietly.

Vaas had told me in a dream. I’d determined that I was on my own before I believed him. But hearing it from Alec it carried a heavier weight than my speculations. That weight might have been heavier, but not as unwelcome as it had been the last time I was here. I only felt more determination to keep my little passenger alive. I put a hand over my torso where my child was growing, as if I was trying to make it a promise.

Last night had been appalling, horrid. This morning there was hope. Vaas could easily find me here. With any luck, Hoyt would believe I was dead, this was a good thing. This was a very good thing that had come from the lamentable horror I’d survived. I took a deep and steadying breath.

“You seem to be in some sort of crisis every time I see you.” He chuckled teasingly, standing up. “It makes sense for someone so connected to a man like V-”

“V-V-Very good to see you, Ag- D-Daisy.” He said suddenly changing his sentence nervously as a thin towheaded woman walked into the room with a curious and cautious smile. She was dressed in dirty jeans and a tank top. There were the telltale signs of bruises on her bare arms and face. She’d probably been kidnapped too.

Alec warned me with a wide-eyed look. This woman wouldn’t take well to knowing about Vaas and I.

“I see the patient is awake.” She smiled kindly at me.

“Y-Yes. And perfectly well. Tolerably well.” He looked at me again nervously.

“Hi, Daisy?” I smiled awkwardly. 

“Yeah. Alec told me your name is Eva?” She stated and asked all at once.

“Yes.” I nodded. “Nice to meet you.”

“You too.”

It was awkward silence.

“We have a spot for you in the cave.” Her already wide smile grew.

_Cave?_

“It’s rather crowded down there, Daisy. Eva might not-”

“There’s plenty of room. It's a big cave.” She playfully scolded Dr. Earnhardt. “Besides, the boat is almost ready. I’m sure she wants to go home.”

I was making sense of this. I didn’t know details but it seemed to me that Alec was harboring fugitives from Vaas. From the frightful look he was giving me, he wasn’t sure where I stood on the issue.

“That sounds great.” I said knowing full well I had no intention of taking advantage of their hospitality for long or their method of escape.

Alec looked more upset. Daisy beamed at me.

“Nice. I’ll be in the cave when you're ready. We shouldn’t stay up here too long. Vaas’s pirates come here all the time. Dr. Earnhardt's probably worried they'll find us.” She said before leaving us alone in the room.

Alec looked out the door, then watched her from the window to make sure she was gone.

“Don’t worry, Alec. I’m not going to say anything. I think it’s great that you can help people escape.” I tried to calm him.

“You need to leave with the next of Vaas’s men that come here.” He said without acknowledging my statement.

“That’s not such a good idea.” I said thinking it over. “Right now, Hoyt might think I’m dead. If Vaas’s men see me, that good fortune will fly out the window. Even if I didn’t have that, I think that they’d just hold me hostage.”

“Vaas cannot come here again. The last time was distressing enough.”

“Last time? When my hand-”

“No, he came here asking where you’d gone off to. I had to tell him the results of your test before he would leave. He was unrelenting in his threats, I'm sorry.” The doctor looked down miserably, like he’d admitted to betraying me.

“I know.” I said simply. “He told me.”

“Meet him somewhere else, somewhere away from that precious girl and her friends.” He begged me.

“I have to plan this out carefully.” I began. I didn’t want to say anything about Vaas or I leaving the island. “Please just let me stay until I figure this out. I swear I won’t endanger you or them. If the guy who brought me here doesn’t say anything about it, there’s no reason for anyone to assume I’m here.”

“That young man is Jason Brody.” He said in a whisper. 

Dane "Rambo" Cook was Jason? Snow White? Him? He didn’t look how I imagined he would.

“He doesn’t know who you are to Vaas. He thinks you're just another tourist that fell a foul of the pirates. I strongly suggest you keep that anonymity in place as long as you can.”

“Of course.” I answered the Doctor with a furrowed brow.

“He wants to bring Vaas to a sticky, messy end.” Alec was suddenly lost in his own thoughts, “I can see the hatred in his eyes, just like Vaas’s… He’s just as unwavering, determined. I’m surprised he still had the pity required to bring you here.”

Jason had survived this whole time, saving his friends... He'd have to be uncompromising to do it, especially when Vaas, Hoyt and every other Villain on the island was trying to kill him.

“Those people in the cave are his friends! He cannot know about you and Vaas. _They_ cannot!” Alec held my arms for emphasis.

“They won’t. Not from me.” I promised. “I’ll find a way to get a hold of Vaas and then I’ll leave. Vaas’ll never know about any of them and they won't know about me.”

Alec seemed to ease a bit and nodded. “The trail is to the southwest. It runs under the gazebo.”

I nodded and started down the stairs and out of the house.

* * *

“This is Eva.” Daisy introduced me to the group. There were three others in the dark cave.

“Hi. I’m Liza.” A brunette came forward with a contrived smile.

“That’s Oliver and Keith.” Daisy answered for the other two as neither of them were speaking and instead they just stared at my bloodstained apparel.

“Sorry, this… um…” I tried to think of something witty to distract from my clothes, but all I could think of was the feeling of the knife slipping into the flesh under Laurel’s chin, the thing that'd made the mess to begin with. “I’m lucky to be wearing anything at all.” 

I laughed awkwardly as my joke fell flat.

The blonde guy in the snap-back cap gave an odd sort of half-smile.

“Yeah.” He said with a chuckle. I realized he was stoned just before I spied the joint in his left hand. “Shit happens.”

The other one, with darker hair and attractive face that sort of reminded me of a young John Travolta, looked over my clothes. His arms were folded and he had a stuck up sneer...

Until he looked at my face.

For some reason when he looked me in the eye he had a visceral reaction. His stuck up expression dropped and his arms fell to his sides. He hunched over like he was trying to hide something or protect himself.

“Are you alright?” I asked, worrying that somehow he knew something about me. 

He didn’t answer. He just walked away very quickly without a word. He practically dove into one of the tents around the campfire, quickly zipping it closed. I thought I could hear the faintest whimper.

“You’ll have to excuse Keith.” Daisy said. “He’s dealing with something. He’s not the best at talking about his feelings either.”

I nodded trying not to worry.

She invited me to sit by the fire.

I did. 

Daisy seemed to be the only one who was put together, the least traumatized. Oliver was chasing his high like he needed it to live. Liza was trying to act like she wasn’t looking at me, but she was. Something about me was troubling her. I wanted to ask what, but I figured that now wasn’t the time to start drama with my very temporary flatmates. 

I just had to wait until it was dark and then I’d be out of here by the next morning. They could escape, I could escape. No one had to cause anyone else undue trouble or stress.

“How did you get here?” Daisy asked after she tried to check on Keith who refused to answer or open the tent.

“My friend chartered a boat. We were supposed to snorkel…” I said. My mouth went dry thinking about Fiona. Was she alright? Did she get away?

“We skydived in.” She jumped in when she saw I was uncomfortable.

“Wow.” I was surprised.

“Some asshole named Doug tricked us into it. Grant had him pegged. He warned us but-” She suddenly stopped speaking and her eyes looked glossy.

“Who was Grant?” I looked around wondering if I’d missed another friend.

“Grant didn’t make it.” Liza walked over and sat down across the fire from me.

“I’m so sorry.” I whispered.

“Grant is Jason’s brother.” Liza continued as Daisy was still silent and trying to hold back her tears.

“The guy who brought me here?” I asked, pretending like I didn’t know him from Adam.

“Yeah.” Daisy finally answered. Her voice sounded a bit strained but she smiled anyway. “He’s been working to save us.”

“What happened when Jason saved you?” Liza asked like she was angry at me. Daisy shot her an angry look of her own.

I wasn’t sure how much I could say without making it easy for them to connect the dots about who I was. I had to play my hand carefully.

“I was being held captive and my guards decided that they weren’t happy to look and not touch. I was able to kill one of them after he killed the other. Jason found me.” I said it quickly, trying not to think or remember too much.

“How long have you been on the island?” Liza asked.

“Over a month. Maybe two. I’m not sure.” I said with a hesitant smile realizing that I'd completely lost track of time.

“That’s a long time.” Liza said, not hiding her skeptical tone.

“Liza…” Daisy scolded her.

“Too long.” I said with a smile, trying to lighten the mood.

“I heard them talking. I know that if no one pays the ransom or buys you in two or three weeks they get rid of you. A reject, they called it.” She was folding her arms. “Strange that they’d make an exception for you.”

“Liza!” Daisy frowned at her rudeness.

I was going to have to lie, and I was going to have to make it sympathetic. But how when one of them was already so against me?

“It's okay, Daisy. I’m sure she’s right.” I admitted, trying to work up tears in my eyes. They came pretty easily. I had a lot I could cry about. “First night after I was taken, one of the pirates took an interest in me. I was- I was-”

I couldn't say it. I couldn't say that I was sexually assaulted or raped for some reason. I try to play off my hesitation. 

“Over and over.” I continued with my vague story, letting the tears fill my eyes till I couldn't see clearly. “Then something awful happened and the pirate decided he wanted to keep me around.” I said.

“Oh please." Liza rolled her eyes scoffing.

“Did Jason touch you?” Daisy suddenly asked me.

Bewildered by her question I answered; “Yes.”

“Did anything happen when he touched you?” It was another strange and pointed question. I could tell what she was getting at.

“He’s not my soulmate.” I answered with a blustered look on my face.

“There, Liza! Enough! She hasn’t taken Jason from you. Start acting like a human being!” Daisy narrowed her eyes at Liza who looked relieved for a moment.

“I’m just asking questions. Nothing she’s said adds up. Not a fucking thing!” The relief she felt was overcome by a need to defend her actions in a split-second. “A pirate liked her and that’s why she’s not sold or dead? I don’t fucking buy it!”

“She’s pregnant!” Liza practically shouted. Her statement echoed through the cave.

Liza and Oliver looked wide-eyed at me. I noticed Keith had unzipped the tent flap enough to peek through. Daisy gave me a withering apologetic look. I just pulled my legs to my chest and tried to hide the blush on my face with my knees.

“That could be a-”

“A lie? It’s not.” Daisy interrupted Liza’s attempt at a rebuttal. “I heard her talking to Dr. Earnhardt about it. I wasn’t supposed to hear. I’m sorry, Eva.”

I gave a bit of a nod but didn’t show my face.

“If it’s true it still doesn’t make sense that some pirate would keep her around because he knocked her up.” Liza didn’t let up. “You don't know these guys like I do, Daisy. I was stuck with them for days more than you. These pirates wouldn't want to keep her around if she was pregnant. They wouldn't be able to even if they did want something so stupid. They'd just want to kill her more."

Her words were angry, harsh and logical. I realized she wasn’t going to stop. If the pregnancy thing didn’t give her pause, I knew nothing would. She’d push and push until she was satisfied.

“It wasn’t just some pirate.” I said solemnly, tears streaming down my red face. “It was Vaas.”

_Sorry, Vaas._

You would have thought that I'd just spoken the black speech of Mordor from the reaction I got. It was clear they all knew who he was and they probably wanted him dead.

I saw Liza's jolt in surprise. Oliver looked at me with a heavy frown. Even Daisy stared at me with shock.

My face was hot and the tears still fell from my eyes. The silence was deafening.

“I’m so sorry.” Daisy said quietly, giving me an expression filled with pity.

"That's so fucked up." Oliver said as he stared at his hands.

I couldn’t see Keith’s reaction. 

"Sorry." Liza murmured not looking at me directly. She did look remorseful.

“D-Don’t worry about me.” I said standing up with a surly attitude. “My story doesn’t add up. Remember?”

I looked very pointedly at Liza who looked filled to the brim with guilt.

I walked over to an old, rusted boat next to the water. I sat on the deck where I could see the light from outside over the water and where my new friends didn’t have direct line of sight on me.

I wasn’t really upset with anyone except myself. I didn't like throwing Vaas under the bus like that and I felt terrible for lying to them.

They all looked like they'd had a nightmare of a time. Bruises, blood stains, ripped and dirty clothing, scratches… They’d been through hell. I couldn’t blame them for being suspicious of any newcomers. Nonetheless, if they thought that I was upset they might leave me alone and stop asking questions.

I only needed to be here until I could fall asleep and tell Vaas to pick me up down at the beach by the turn off for the Doc’s mansion. Where I was, I could see the time of day. I would know when it was the right time to sleep. I could be out of here as soon as tomorrow morning.

They didn’t need to know about Vaas. Vaas didn’t need to know about them.

They’d escape how they wanted. Vaas and I would escape how we wanted. 

This would work. It would be fine.

We were almost together. We were almost free.

* * *

_"She's dead." Rutger voice was a barely audible mutter over the speakerphone._

_"Sorry?" Hoyt frowned._

_"He said she's dead, Hartedief." Hoyt looked up to see Annika standing in the doorway to his office. "Like me."_

_"She's dead." Rutger said again a bit louder._

_This was a fucking disaster. How the fuck did it even happen when he tried so hard to prevent it?_

_"Your empire is falling apart." Annika sauntered forward and laid herself over the top of Hoyt's desk. Her nearly white blonde hair was tousled. Her light brown eyes peeked up at him coyly through her messy fringe. "What are you going to do when Vaas finds out?"_

_"If she's dead tell me who the fuck killed her! Do you fucking understand?" He was splenetic because of the news about Eva and because he could see Annika again. It was too soon. He should have had another couple of hours before she came back. "You better get me some fucking answers! If Vaas calls before you, don't bother coming back! Get it?"_

_"Yeah, Boss." Rutger said with annoyance before he hung up._

_"You know, that he's not going to give a shit about who killed her. He'll only care that she's dead and you were the bastard who had her last." Annika smiled at him brightly. She was excited by the thought that Vaas would lose his shit and come for Hoyt._

_Hoyt just slammed his fists against his desk angrily. She didn't flinch._

_"It'd be better to end it on your terms. Come with me now. It'd be painless, lovely. Vaas will make it last and last."_

_He did his best to ignore her. It wasn't easy. She was wearing a light blue button-up shirt he once owned and lacey white panties. Not a stitch more. It was the last thing she wore when she was alive._

_"Hoyt," She moved closer over until she was sitting on the very edge of his desk with her legs spread widely. "I miss you so much... Don't you miss me? Miss how I felt on your skin? How it felt inside me?"_

_She had once looked terrifying to him. Her chest was riddled with bulletholes, her body and clothes covered in blood. Her eyes used to look lifeless and hazy._

_That had been years ago. Now she was as full of life as the day he'd first touched her. Soft, pink, velvety lips. Creamy, unmarred skin. Long platinum hair. Her eyes glimmered with devious expression. The curves of her body were enticing, not morbid. Everything he remembered, wanted and needed._

_He gritted his teeth and pushed himself away from the desk, turing toward the window. He reached into his pocket for another hit only to find he had nothing on him to banish her away._

_Hoyt cursed under his breath._

_The drugs were wearing off quicker all the time. Soon he'd have to be so high to make her go away he wouldn't be able to do business._

_Annika wrapped her arms around him, but he couldn't feel it he could only see her arms against him._

_"The drugs won't keep me away. I'll come back. I'll always come back until the bitter end."_

_She whispered in his ear and he wished that he could feel the warmth of her body and breath on his skin again. He wanted to hold her, kiss her..._

_"Goddamn it." He reached into his left breast pocket and pulled out a small bundle of cloth and began to unwrap it carefully. A shriveled finger with an elaborate gold and diamond ring on it came free of the cloth and Hoyt held it in his hands. He handled it like it was the relic of a saint, precious._

_He could feel the faintest spark from the leathery dead skin. Just a taste of what touching his Annika had been like in life._

_"It's not enough." Annika hissed stepping in front of him, glaring at her finger cradled in his hands. "It'll never be enough!"_

_Despite her opinion, touching her finger **was** just enough to keep him from falling into her suicidal encouragement. Just enough to keep him from falling apart. It would do long enough for him to get more drugs to drown her out with. _

_"I suffer. You can't know how much. I don't have your finger hidden away in my pockets, beminde. I can't feel you. I don't have drugs. You won't even speak to me anymore. I have nothing." She looked distraught._

_Hoyt gritted his teeth again and wrapped the finger up delicately, placing it back into the pocket next to his heart._

_Annika was a manipulative bitch. She could twist and turn people without effort when she was alive, including him. As it was, she was constantly trying to twist him into putting a gun to his head, overdosing on the drugs he'd use to keep her away, or doing stupid shit that could end him._

_"You couldn't love me and stay away this long. You couldn't." She pouted at him._

_He wanted to slam her against the wall, kiss that delicious pout until the only thing she could do was beg for more..._

_"It's true. You don't love me. Not anymore. You won't even spare a word of comfort to me when I'm in agony without you." She looked like she might really cry. Who the fuck knew if the tears were real. He certainly didn't._

_"How I am tormented! Hartedief, I beg you...Tell me you love me." A crystalline tear rolled down her face. It evaporated before it could touch anything else._

_He didn't respond, though it killed him to see her cry. The last time he told her he loved her she'd almost gotten him to overdose. The time before that was when he left her for the last time._

_"It's been so long." She whimpered, more phantom tears falling into nothingness._

_"I love you." He whispered harshly, bitterly relenting._

_Her eyes glimmered happily and she wrapped her ghostly arms around his shoulders. His hands moved to embrace her on their own. He only found disappointed numbness._

_"No. I don't want to just hear it, Hartedief. Show me. Show me that you love me." Her tone was demanding and hard. Spoiled._

_He'd proven it already, when she was alive. He'd killed his own father when he'd tried to beat Annika for standing up for him._

_He'd proven it when he'd done anything to earn her the lifestyle of a queen. The life she deserved. He used to love spoiling her._

_Even after she died he'd proven it._

_Rylond Vermaak, the leader of the pirate consortium and his rival, had murdered her while she was waiting for him to come home. He'd done it to try and break Hoyt. Letting him find her body spread out on their bed, shirt wide open so he could see all the damage. Her red blood soaking the sheets and mattress... A look of fright on her beautiful face._

_Hoyt thought it was all over for him, part of him wanted it to be. Ironically, he'd found the way of maintaining his sanity despite her death by accident._

_He'd held her body that night, refusing to let her go, insisting that she wasn't dead because he could still feel her. His men eventually pried him away. At the lavish funeral he threw for her, he touched her hand and was again insistent that she wasn't really dead because she felt alive. He had to be convinced at length to let them lower her into the ground._

_Rylond knew when you lose your soulmate you had an expiration date, and it was usually sooner rather than later. He'd laughed when he heard of Hoyt's dramatic despair and insane insistence that Annika wasn't gone, certain that it was only a matter of days before he'd receive news of Hoyt's suicide._

_What Rylond didn't know was Hoyt had taken Annika's ring finger before he finally let them lay her to rest. He carried it with him through those early months of plotting his revenge, until that glorious moment when he executed Rylond, dramatically, like he became known for, in front of his family._

_Rylond's soulmate didn't last two days afterwards. He took pride in that brutally ever since. That pride kept him breathing on when the only person he ever loved wanted him dead._

_Revenge might have given him life-saving pride, but never gave him any peace - not that he expected it to._

_He could still feel the sting of losing her..._

_Rylond's death, however long, torturous or poetic wouldn't free Hoyt from that pain and the guilt of her death._

_Surprisingly, Hoyt had never blamed the murder on Rylond alone. The fucker might have pulled the trigger, but Hoyt should have been clever enough to know it was coming. Annika's death was his fault. He'd done what he could to make sure he was that clever ever since._

_Vaas would feel that pain too, but Hoyt doubted that he'd have the same dignity about it. He would want revenge, but he would likely be driven mad by Eva's ghost. And if Eva convinced him to die, he'd make sure to do it so it damaged as much it possibly could. It's the type of person he was._

_When he'd first met Vaas, he had a death wish and that was when he was the most dangerous. Eva's death would bring back the crazy, suicidal Vaas, the one that was always buried beneath the surface, the one that was a fucking nightmare to his enemies..._

_This time that enemy would be Hoyt and his hard earned empire._

_Hoyt knew he had no one on his payroll who could match Vaas when he was determined to kill. No one except Jason Brody, perhaps. But that ship was about to sink, anytime now. Vaas would call with the news that the trap had worked and Jason was dead, then Hoyt would have to tell him about Eva, or let him find out on his own..._

_This was a fucking disaster. He needed to find a believable scapegoat. It was the only way he had a chance of being spared Vaas's wrath._

_"It's time. You're exhausted with this bullshit life. You're tired of suffering on without me." Annika tried again, her tone was softer this time, seeing her bratty demands were unanswered. She tried to caress his face. "Come with me where nothing and no one will part us ever again."_

_Hoyt knew one day she would win._

_One day he wouldn't be able to stand being without her, drugs or no. On that day he'd spoil her again, exactly like she wanted._

_Perhaps one day soon..._

_But not today._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's song is "Cinnamon Girl" by Lana Del Ray.  
> "All the pills that you did  
> Violet, blue, green, red to keep me  
> At arm's length don't work  
> You try to push me out  
> But I just find my way back in  
> Violet, blue, green, red to keep me out  
> I win"  
> Perfect song for Annika...
> 
> Bravo to LittleMarimo for guessing that Hoyt had Annika's ring finger. It's too poetic, so even though I don't see Hoyt being particularly romantic, I couldn't resist. ;)
> 
> "Hartedief" means "heart thief" or "thief of my heart" and "beminde" means something like "sweetheart" or "darling" in Afrikaans.  
> At least as far as I've been able to learn... I am no where close to being fluent in Afrikaans. ^_^;


End file.
